to manage again the enemy and proclaiming the honored world. If you live in the midst of the story, I will give you the matter to you. If you give me the number of good thoughts and memory and call us, I admit to see and listen to you, to remember and decide. Well, welcome. Thank you for coming in the rain, in the cool wetness. That anybody is here at all is very nice. Is anybody here for the first time? Welcome. Thank you for coming. I hope you enjoy this afternoon and this day, this beautiful wet day.

[01:17]

Oh, and you too. Thank you. I hope this is nice for you. We have some nice tea and cookies later. Worse comes to worse. So, oh, here I'm supposed to say something, I think. My name is Dainin Marcia Angus. I've been practicing here for a long time. And let's start by just taking a moment to settle ourselves in this beautiful Buddha hall. And take a moment to just notice how it is for you today on the inside. How is your heart rate, your breath?

[02:19]

Can you feel what you're sitting on supporting you? Make yourself comfortable if you're not comfortable, please. Sit in a way that makes you more comfortable. Very nice. I think you have some experience already with this. So right now, we are in a period of great turmoil, chaos. and uncertainty, and a lot of changes throughout the world. Climate change, political instability, financial markets are changing, and everything's shifting.

[03:25]

And in this country, I've noticed, especially I was in Europe in the summer, when we got off the plane, one of the things I noticed was there was just a hum of anxiety in this country, just a level of tension that was a little bit different than where we came from. And what I realized is how grateful I am for my Buddhist practice in times like these, in difficult times, in times where I feel scared or helpless or confused my practice is what is my refuge learning to sit with the intention of maintaining a mental and physical posture of stillness is not only is this a buddhist practice but this is also

[04:34]

the kind of practice that undermines trauma and helps develop resilience in your own nervous system. So for the last 50 years I've been a therapist, but the last 14 or so I've been focusing on dealing with all kinds of trauma. And one of the ways we deal with it early childhood trauma, repetitive trauma, any kind of trauma, is learning over and over and over when we get a little activated to pause and settle ourselves. Because when you're in a triggered or activated or reactive state of mind, you tend not to make very good decisions. you tend to, when you're in a state like that, you move into what we call survival physiology.

[05:42]

You've got some adrenaline, norepinephrine, cortisol, various neurotransmitters and hormones that are designed to prepare you to flight, fight, or even appease as a way of surviving. And this, when these chemicals get going, it changes the way you think and the way you prioritize. It's like all the resources in your body stop doing housekeeping, stop digesting food, stop filtering everything, and move into getting your muscles ready to protect you. Which... definitely affects your decision-making and often puts you in a kind of myopic state consequently having a regular developing a habit of learning when you're on the on-ramp to that place and you're actually not in danger

[06:56]

but you're not in physical danger, your life is not in danger, but somehow your feelings got hurt or you feel challenged in some way that makes you brace or stiffen, that's a good signal, a good time to pause and settle yourself. over and over. So the other piece of this is that fear is pretty much the root of what ails us, all of us. Whatever our psychological problems, financial problems, even political problems, usually what is that the root is some kind of fear.

[07:59]

And how we deal with fear is also a big way I've been teaching people who have trauma, which is usually everybody has some kind of trauma somewhere in their history. So learning how to make yourself feel safe. And the first step to feeling at least safer is to settle. And that is what helps us, when we get into a more peaceful, calm state, we're able to see what's actually going on more clearly. Otherwise, we don't get a sense of we see things in that more myopic way. When we're settled and we're calm, then we sort of take in more. It's like when I walk into a room, I kind of want to look around, see who's here, people I recognize, old friends, new friends.

[09:13]

That in and of itself is already calming. Just... allowing myself to orient to where I am anytime I enter a new space. So in this practice, we are told that we are perfect just the way we are. And Suzuki Roshi added, and you could all use a little improvement, but the basic statement is we're perfect just the way we are, and we just have to realize it. So the path of realizing that is the path of being able to tolerate sitting still for yourself no matter what arises from within. Whatever memories, whatever fears, whatever experiences, that there's a kind of willingness and commitment to go,

[10:17]

I'm sticking with me, regardless. And that takes courage, and it takes curiosity. You would actually have to be interested in understanding yourself, which is, I'm kind of interested. I love that Buddha's frame, to study the self. What is it? To study the self is to forget the self. And to forget the self is to be realized by myriad things. So be realized by. It's in this stillness that you are realized by your own being. And you begin to discover the wisdom that is below your neck. which tells you just about everything you need to know to take care of yourself at any given moment.

[11:20]

So I would like to try that out now, if you wouldn't mind. Because when I see clients or I do practice discussion, I always like to begin with settling ourselves. And I usually do a little two or three minute guided meditation. And that's what I'd like to try with you now. And the reason I like to do it, it's sort of a subliminal sales pitch, I guess, is that you can begin to see that if you do this little two or three minute thing, anytime you start to feel threatened or activated or agitated, and even if you did it for 10 breaths, you would already... begin to undermine those habituated, reactive patterns that we all have, where biases, prejudices, you know, that kind of, what do I call it, anticipatory anxieties, those kinds of things.

[12:34]

So right now, let's just settle ourselves again, make yourself as comfortable as you can make yourself, And bringing your attention to your breath, notice the air coming in your nostrils, cooling your nostrils, filling your lungs. And as your lungs fill, notice your ribs moving in your back and your sides and your belly moving. Not trying to breathe in any special way. Allowing your breath to breathe you. Your breath knows exactly how much air you need to sit there.

[13:35]

And you can just enjoy that wisdom. And with each breath, as you follow the exhale Follow it all the way down to the end of the exhale. You'll notice there's a momentary still point. And then you naturally begin to inhale again. So as we get to the bottom of the exhale, we allow our mind and body to just rest momentarily in the stillness. And then following the breath up again. And each time we exhale down to the bottom, we gather more stillness into our bodies.

[14:38]

Each breath we feel more stillness spreading into our torso. To our legs. Each breath more stillness. Till we begin to feel stillness in the room. And we expand our sense of stillness throughout the room, into the building. Exquisite peace. Ding. So this, I want you to notice, do you feel any different than you did when we started? That little meditation.

[15:43]

Do you feel maybe a little more relaxed? Now, that was like two and a half minutes. So... What I'm trying to say is just, if you've got two minutes, but even if you only have ten breaths, you can undermine those habituated patterns that may be... Do you know what I mean by habituated patterns? That are kind of reflexive, that you might have, that you wish maybe you didn't sometimes? I... I... If I get hungry, sometimes I get a little snarky. I get a little... And so the other day I was talking to Christina and I was, you know, she very nicely said something like... And I heard myself and I went, ooh, that is not nice. So we have a little thing that we do with each other where we sit down and we...

[16:49]

just sit down and notice how are we feeling in our minds, what are we running in our heads, how are we feeling emotionally, and how do we feel in our bodies. So it's like we take one minute to do that, and then I tell her, I'm cranky, I'm hungry, and my hip hurts. And nine times out of ten, when we do that, the whole thing just kind of pixelates. And I realize I'm not mad at her. I'm hungry. I need to do something about that. So a lot of times that kind of reactive energy comes up when we have something else going on. But we're putting it out in a way that's kind of like doesn't fit exactly. And so this is another way to come back home, take our temperature, and see what's actually going on on the inside.

[17:56]

And a lot of times, just the witnessing of yourself. Especially if you can witness yourself with compassion, appreciation, some gentleness. That's going to change It's going to allow you to have a shift. And so for me, this is all about, you know, I want a way of maintaining a decent state of mind. Because I've noticed that if I don't pay attention, given the circumstances of the world these days, I get kind of cranky, irritated, scattered, all kinds of things. Because every day there's something else. So I have to go, OK, is there anything I can do about this?

[18:57]

And if there is, do it. Write the letter. Make the call. Make the donation. Do it. Pay the bills. And if there isn't anything to be done, then take a moment. just settle myself. I'm going to see myself more clearly. I'm going to make better decisions. So this is pretty much the main thing I have to say. So what was I going to say? It's important to be gentle. Because the other thing about these habits is there tend to be the habits of a lifetime. Like if you have a tendency to think everything is your fault.

[19:58]

Or if you have a tendency to think that you have to take care of everything. Or if these kinds of things, do you know what I'm talking about? These kind of notions we have about ourselves. These tend to be things that we've been kind of imprinted with from early. And then we repeat them and we do them to ourselves. And we don't exactly realize it. So the thing I like about pausing, as soon as you feel some tension or bracing or discomfort, is that it helps you undermine the pattern. Because just interrupting it undermines it. Seeing it for what it is. And regarding yourself with a little more compassion and appreciation maybe than you had in the beginning. Because in a way, I would say settling ourselves is a way to reparent ourselves.

[21:01]

It's what our parents did when we were babies. They would settle us and settling ourselves. What? Maybe. Yeah, not everybody got that. That's for sure. Oh, yes. Oh, the other thing is, this is the other thing. This is where I really tell you this saved me. Yesterday, I was getting ready to do this lecture, right? I was going to make some notes and pull it together. And the... Everything's gone. Something bad happened with a backup. There's no files. There's no Word files. Not only that, there's no Word. I have a new computer, and the old computer said you have to pay a million dollars to upgrade your Word, or you can't do anything. The old computer also didn't have, I don't know what happened, but everything was gone. And I went over to Christina's office, and I said, I'm going to cry.

[22:07]

My computer has zippaloni in it. So I called my IT guy, and I went back into my office, and I just sat there. I went, okay. It's like this now. And I didn't do anything. I just sat there for a while. But because I sat there, I realized, Marcia, you have a PC. On the PC, I also didn't have everything, but I had a lot of other files that I could use, things that were similar to what was in the Mac. But what I noticed was finally when when the IT called back as I sent him this thing, help, I can't do anything, I have to give a lecture, blah, blah, blah. And I texted him this horrifying text, and he was in a meeting and couldn't respond. So by the time he did, it was like, it's fine.

[23:07]

It's fine, it's fine, because I'm not gonna die. And I know I'm going to talk about stillness, so I don't need an article to talk about stillness. I've been talking about stillness for 50 years. I think I can remember a little bit. Anyway, it wasn't until I settled myself. But it was very interesting because I could immediately get myself all flipped out. The thing I've noticed from doing this practice lots and lots is that The turnaround, even though I do get activated like a human being, the turnaround from hitting the ceiling to dropping back down into a calmer state is much, much quicker. I don't spend a lot of time flipped out. And that's my sales point.

[24:11]

That's my recommendation about this is that absolutely anybody can do it. And if you're willing to do it on a regular basis, you'll be in grave danger of feeling more peaceful and understanding yourself better, and maybe even liking yourself better. And it does require you being curious about what it is that's arising, and you being committed to not abandoning yourself. when you get scared or when you have a difficult moment. Because often we just wanna leave ourselves or change a subject or distract ourselves and just go feel better. I don't wanna think about that. And I think that's a really good decision sometimes, just not all the time. There are times where it's time to sit down and face the music.

[25:12]

And that's what That's what I think about zazen. It's, for me, in these times, during COVID, during any difficult time, it's my refuge. It's my best friend. My still point's my best friend. Always saves me. It's always there. I can find it at the bottom of each breath any time I want. And I never run out of stillness. And it's free. So, what did I want to, oh, I think it's here. Yes, I want to read you a poem about this. I love this poem. This is a poem by Donna Falls from a book called Go In In, Poems from the Heart. Not a famous poet, but this, I just love it. I hope you like it. Witness. When I can be the witness, all manner of miracles occur.

[26:13]

Old wounds heal. The past reveals itself to be released. Present dramas play themselves out without sinking emotional talons into my skin. The witness welcomes truth and dares to meet reality on its own terms. It is the ground in which the seeds of transformation take root and finally flower. When the witness is awake, the lake of mind is still. I see, and in that mirrored surface, I see my own true face, my own tui. In that mirrored surface, I see my own true face as spirit smiling back at me.

[27:15]

So I'm going to read it again, if that's okay. When I can be the witness, all manner of miracles occur. Old wounds heal. The past reveals itself to be released. Present dramas play themselves out without sinking emotional talons into my soft skin. The witness welcomes truth. dares to meet reality on its own terms. Dares to meet reality on its own terms. It is the ground in which the seeds of transformation take root and finally flower. When the witness is awake, the lake of mind is still. And in that mirrored surface, I see my own true face as spirit smiling back at me. That still point, I feel, is like a portal to this space, which to me is a, this is where freedom, this is where the door to freedom is.

[28:31]

And the more I visit that, the more familiar I become with it, the more ease I feel in my body and in my life. And things get simpler. So, where am I now? Where are we? Wow. It's getting late. Okay, let's see. I didn't think of, I mean, how long have I been here? Okay, I just told you that. Okay, and... When to use pausing, I told you that. And, oh, there's, you can use this in a traffic jam. This is a great thing to do in a traffic jam. Stop, endless stop signs where the signal is like for four minutes or something. It's really helpful. When I'm feeling particularly impatient about something, pause.

[29:38]

It's so helpful. My favorite tool in troubled times, I tell you. So I'm going to close, and we get to go have tea and cookies. What? I'm going to read the Neruda poem. It's okay. I have my supervisor here. The love of my life, Christina, is here. She's making sure I don't forget anything. Okay. So this is called Keeping Quiet by Pablo Neruda. And it's a nice way to end. Now we will count to 12 and we will all keep still. Now we will count to 12 and we will all keep still for once on the face of the earth. Let's not speak in any language. Let's stop for a second and not move our arms so much.

[30:41]

It would be an exotic moment without rush, without engines. We would all be together in a sudden strangeness. Fishermen in the cold sea would not harm whales, and the man gathering salt would not look at his hurt hands. Those who prepare green wars, wars with gas, wars with fire, victories with no survivors, would put on clean clothes and walk about with their brothers in the shade doing nothing. What I want should not be confused with total inactivity. Life is what it's about. If we were not so single-minded about keeping our lives moving and for once could do nothing, perhaps a huge silence might interrupt this sadness of never understanding ourselves and of threatening ourselves with death.

[31:51]

Now, I'll count up to 12, and you keep quiet, and I will go. Oh, there was water here. And I'm... ...expand to every meaning and place, with those children who were ever in the midst of all of us, without the work of us to work. We can convince us all about our work, not with us, but I, and [...] I, . [...]

[33:18]

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