This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. It's a great gift to be sitting here this morning with all of you on this beautiful day in early spring in this wonderful room. My name is Tova Green, and I live in this building. And before I start, I want to thank a few people. I want to thank Rosalie Curtis, our head of practice, for inviting me to speak today. And I'd like to thank my teachers, some in this room and some are not, Paul Haller, Zanke, Blanche Hartman. I don't know if Vicki is here.

[01:01]

And my root teacher, Linda Cutts, who is at Tassajara Zen Mountain Center this winter. And of course, thanks to all of you for coming and making this talk happen. So as I said, I'm a resident of this building. We call this place City Center. And it's one of San Francisco Zen Center's three practice places. I've lived at all three. The others are Green Gulch Farm in Marin County and Tassajara Zen Mountain Center in the Ventana Wilderness. That's our monastery. And in the summer, it becomes a retreat center. And Green Gulch has its wonderful organic farm and garden. Sometimes people ask me which is my favorite place of all three. And it's hard to say.

[02:05]

Each one has its own particular gifts and characteristics and much to enjoy. But I've lived in the city the longest, and I think I'm really a city girl. I grew up in New York City, and I moved to San Francisco 22 years ago, and this now feels like home. It's not just the city, but I also find this building. Julia Morgan designed this building. And she was one of the first women architects in San Francisco. And the cornerstone says 1922. So this building has quite a wonderful history. And I think we feel it when we come in the doors. But this morning, I'm I'm talking a little bit about the building and the city because the focus of my talk this morning is on practicing Zen in the city.

[03:12]

Some of us may think that it's difficult to practice in the midst of the busyness of the city, and we may long for the peacefulness of Green Gulch or Tassajara. We may think that the quality of our... meditation and other experience could be better in a more peaceful place. But I think it's first of all that we can practice wherever we are, but there are some particular gifts that we have in the city that can stimulate and encourage our practice. So the topic of my talk is stillness in the city. And the founder of Soto Zen, Ehe Dogen, who lived about 800 years ago, said, when you find your place where you are, practice occurs, actualizing the fundamental point.

[04:31]

And one way of understanding the fundamental point is that it's about living our lives fully aware of our interconnectedness with all beings as well as with ourselves. So how can we experience that interconnectedness with ourselves and with all beings in the midst of the city with its speed and noise? and sometimes crowdedness. So I'd like you to maybe stop for a moment and think about what brought you here this morning to City Center. What were you hoping to find when you came? If it's your first time, were you looking for an introduction to Zen or for people to meditate with or for a chance to pause in the middle of a busy day? or weak, perhaps to find like-minded people?

[05:33]

And if you come to Zen Center regularly, what keeps you coming back? Is it wanting to find community or a way to support your practice at home or for Buddhist teachings? And if you live here, what drew you to become a resident and what keeps you here? So as you perhaps find your own answer, you may think about what does City Center have to offer each of us? I've been thinking about this and asking others about this, partly because this year we're celebrating Zen Center's 50th anniversary. There are many different anniversaries we could celebrate. This one is the 50th anniversary of our incorporating a Zen Center. And there are going to be some special events at all three centers, City Center, Tassajara, and Green Gulch.

[06:42]

One of the ones that we're going to have in the city in June will be a concert at the San Francisco Conservatory of Music down the street. And in thinking about that, event and how we might describe what we do here, I've been thinking especially about what is especially wonderful about having a practice center in the middle of the city. Actually, we're not the only one. If you walk around the neighborhood, you'll see a Tibetan center. About 10 minutes away is the Shambhala center. The Baha'i center is on Valencia Street, and there are many churches within a block or two of Zen Center. So there is something about being in the heart of the city and spiritual practice that fits together. They're not really incompatible. They're very compatible and maybe even more compelling to have a practice place in the center of the city.

[07:47]

So getting back to Dogen, how do we find our place where we are? And Dogen also says, here is the place. Here the way unfolds. And we can understand here is the place where the way unfolds or the way of practice. Here, right here, inside each of us, this is the place. And then it can also be here is the place all around us. So I want to talk about the place here first and how practice unfolds within each of us, and then branch out a little bit and talk about practice in the environment in which we find ourselves, which right here today is the city. So... Our lives all day and every day can completely be a field of spiritual practice.

[09:01]

This week, our head student, we're in the midst of a practice period, started two weeks ago, and the focus of the practice period is practicing with the body or in our bodies. And part of the practice period One wonderful part of the practice period is that we have a head student. Her name is Conan Cardenas. And she gave her first talk on Wednesday night and spoke about how she sees zazen as extending into everything she does throughout the day. And I think it can be that way for all of us. So whether we're sitting on a cushion, cooking or washing dishes, walking the dog, riding the bus, or standing in line at the grocery store, we can bring practice to that situation. And it was interesting to me, two weeks ago when the practice period started, I wouldn't say just interesting, I was really encouraged, a hundred people came to the one-day sitting that started the practice period.

[10:14]

So a hundred people felt that they wanted to put aside a whole day to be silent with others. And the energy in the zendo and the meditation hall and in this room as well when we came up to chant was so strong. It was a wonderful way to start the year of practice. And so I see that there is a great energy for practice. And I hope for those of you who are here for the first time, you'll get a taste of it just by being in this building and in this community of people who are embracing that desire to be both tuned into ourselves and

[11:19]

to do that in connection with others. So, as I said, the theme of the practice period has to do with the body. It's called the body as great vehicle practice. And part of that is translating the aligned body into daily actions. That's a phrase from the description of the practice period. and also looking at how stillness illuminates action and action stillness. So we tune into what is here in many ways, through our breath, through our senses, and through slowing down. And I'd like to talk about each of those. And first, though, I'd... I'd like to share a poem that I've had on my wall for a while.

[12:22]

It's a poem by W.S. Merwin, and it's called Turning. Going too fast for myself I missed more than I think I can remember Almost everything, it seems, sometimes And yet there are chances that come back That I did not notice when they stood where I could have reached out and touched them. This morning, the black shepherd dog, still young, looking up and saying, are you ready this time? So I'll read it again. Turning. Going too fast for myself. I missed more than I think I can remember. Almost everything, it seems, sometimes. And yet there are chances that come back that I did not notice when they stood where I could have reached out and touched them.

[13:28]

This morning, the black shepherd dog, still young, looking up and saying, are you ready this time? So we may often, I mean, I often have the feeling that I'm going too fast for myself and I'm missing things that are right in front of me. So how can we slow down and notice our experience, both inner and outer? One of the best ways is starting with the breath, and this is where we start with meditation as well, and coming back to the breath, kind of like to our home base, and to what we're experiencing in the moment. Sometimes when I offer zazen instruction, I read a passage from Suzuki Roshi's Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind. Suzuki Roshi was the founder of Zen Center, came to the United States in 1959 to lead a congregation in Japantown, and gradually more and more Westerners came to sit with him.

[14:41]

And his words in Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind are very alive. as much alive now as when he first spoke them over 50 years ago. So what he says about the breath I think is really helpful. When we practice zazen, our mind always follows our breathing. When we inhale, the air comes into the inner world. When we exhale, the air goes into the outer world. The inner world is limitless. and the outer world is also limitless. We say inner world or outer world, but actually there is just one whole world. In this limitless world, our throat is like a swinging door. The air comes in and goes out like something passing through a swinging door. If you think, I breathe, the I is extra.

[15:42]

There is no you to say I. What we call I is just a swinging door which moves when we inhale and when we exhale. It just moves, that is all. When your mind is pure and calm enough to follow this movement, there is nothing, no I, no world, no mind or body, just a swinging door." So our breath, which we often take for granted or don't really notice, can be an entry into one of the fundamental teachings of Buddhism, that we're all connected with everything. There is nothing that separates us from each other, from the trees, the air, the city outside. And our breath can really help us open to that other reality that we're often not able to...

[16:44]

tap into. So Suzuki Roshi goes on to say, to be aware of the movement of the breath does not mean to be aware of your small self, but rather of your universal nature or Buddha nature. So it's that sense of Buddha nature. Buddha actually means awakened one. So it's that part of us that is awake, that can be awake to everything we experience. With each breath, we have the opportunity of experience the fullness of our lives. So again, to Dogen, here is the place, here the way unfolds, each moment with each breath. So we can also find ourselves in our place through our senses, through seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching.

[17:52]

And if we think about sound, for example, every place has its own soundscape. And sometimes the soundscape of the city can be jarring. And sometimes it it can also help us to come back to our breath in the present moment. So I'm going to just ask you for a moment or two, I'm going to stop talking, to pay attention to what you hear. So we had a chance to hear some of the sounds of the city.

[18:55]

It was very quiet in this room. But perhaps you could hear the breathing of your neighbor. So the sounds of the city may give us an opportunity to not only notice what our senses offer us, but also then our tendency to find things pleasant or unpleasant. We may hear a sound that Like in the meditation hall downstairs, the zendo, it's not unusual when we're sitting to hear a siren or a car alarm going off. But we can also hear birds occasionally. And we may find we wish that car alarm would stop. We have an aversion and kind of push that sound away. The sound of the birds we could listen to forever.

[19:56]

And I used to have a lot of aversion to sirens until one time when I was... I also attend a synagogue not very far from here, and the rabbi was giving a talk when an ambulance... came by with its very loud siren. And she said, she just stopped her talk and said, may they get there in time. And it gave me a different perspective on what was happening inside that ambulance with the driver doing his best to save someone's life. And since then, when I heard a siren, I just send some loving kindness to the and whoever's inside that ambulance. And I find that irritation that I used to feel just doesn't come up.

[20:59]

But it is, it can be, you know, to just hear the sounds around us and notice what arises. It's another opportunity to come back to the present moment. One other practice, a body practice, that I think is very helpful, it's helpful anywhere, but we can enjoy it in the city, is walking meditation. And as we walk, there are many different things we can be aware of. Darlene Cohn, who taught here at Zen Center and who died last year, gave us some wonderful practices for staying present with our bodies. She had, for many years, suffered from rheumatoid arthritis and often was in chronic pain.

[22:02]

And she developed a way of practicing with pain that's been helpful to many, many people. She was able to find in the midst of pain that she could focus her attention on different things, including what gave her joy. And starting from that practice, she also did some teaching on how we can find our place at this moment in the midst of our busy lives. Her most recent book was called The One Who Is Not Busy. And in that book, she has some teachings about walking meditation. And one of the things she says in that book is, you can keep your soul with you by doing whatever is in front of you that needs to be done with your whole heart and mind.

[23:03]

So walking down the street yesterday, I took a walk. Yesterday started, it was a It was a very difficult day for me in the beginning. I was kind of totally wrapped up in some dilemmas I thought of as dilemmas, some difficult situations that I was trying to resolve. I didn't mention, but my role here is the director of City Center. So there are a lot of different things that come my way each day that's often unpredictable. And sometimes I get very wrapped up in trying to figure out how to solve a problem or meet someone who's in pain. And so yesterday was one of those days when there was a lot on my mind. And I took a walk in the neighborhood.

[24:07]

One of the practices that Darlene recommends is, as you walk, to help you ground yourself and develop concentration, to count how many steps you take on each in-breath and how many steps on each out-breath. So you can walk along and count counting. So I did this, and I found... I gradually became much more tuned into my body and much less preoccupied with the problems that I set out with on my walk. And then another practice is just noticing what you see, and then you can notice what you see that's pleasant and notice what you see that's unpleasant. So the yellow blossoms on the acacia trees, pleasant. actually when I was stopping at the corner of Oak Street which often I wait for the light there it's a pretty long traffic light and I feel kind of impatient but yesterday instead I just noticed the Victorian building across the street and the beautiful shape of the roof and

[25:30]

And suddenly the light changed, and so I walked across the street. It had a very different feeling. And by the time I got back, it wasn't a very long walk, maybe 15 minutes. I felt refreshed and in my body and able to come back to those things that I was dealing with in a much more relaxed way, which made it a lot easier for me. So those are a few practices. Tuning into the breath, paying attention to our physical sensations, and walking meditation, which any of us can do anytime, and which can enhance our appreciation of wherever we are. And particularly, I find...

[26:32]

Walking, well, any way that we can use our bodies, and maybe using our bodies isn't the right way, but being in our bodies as we venture out into the world can be really a helpful way to enjoy and be present moment by moment. Another thing our head student does each day is in the middle of lunch hour, she invites people to take a walk with her in the city, just to walk out the door as a group. And she goes at the pace of the slowest walker so that everybody can stay together. And I think that's a wonderful gift to the Sangha. So... One more way, I'm just going to check the time.

[27:35]

One more way of slowing down involves taking some time to unplug from our cell phones, computers, and other screens that we look at. In the New York Times on January 1st, I saw an article by a writer named Pico Ayer about the joy of quiet. And in that article, he mentioned the statistic that the average American spends at least eight and a half hours a day in front of a screen. The number of hours Americans spent online doubled between 2006 and 2009. And Pico Iyer says that that may be why more and more people he knows seem to be turning to meditation, yoga, or tai chi. And some of his friends observe what they call an Internet Sabbath every week.

[28:36]

So they'll pick a day in the week when they just don't use their computers and they turn off their cell phones. So that idea of a time when we can... turn off electronic aids. I'm not devaluing those things. They can make our lives easier, but they can also provide a lot of distraction. So if we can take some time in a place like this where we can listen to ourselves and one another and in a way come home to that joy of quiet, we may be giving ourselves a great gift.

[29:46]

So I want to talk a little bit about City Center and an experience that I had recently. There's many people who... in these doors feel nourished by the space inside, by the proportions of the building. This building was originally designed as a residence for Jewish working women, and so it was built with the idea that many people would live here and share this space, and so it was an ideal setting for Zen Center. when we found this building and bought it in 1969, there was very little that needed to be changed for it to be a home for Zen students. And the large kitchen and dining room, this room was more of a sitting room, and the Zendo downstairs was a ballroom.

[30:52]

Dance had a stage at one end. But it... This building really lends itself, I think, to being together and also to being alone. But over the years, we've been making more of an effort. Sometimes people come in the building and also feel kind of maybe uncomfortable because of the size of it. At one time, Zen Center had a reputation for not being a very friendly place. I think you see someone like me in a black robe coming to the door. Many, many times people were so wrapped up in practice that they might not have been smiling when they opened the door. And we're really working on being more friendly and welcoming.

[31:57]

We do that in many ways. I think some of the programs that we've developed in recent years try to reach out specifically to groups of people who might not originally have felt welcome here or felt that there weren't too many people like them here. So we have a Young Urban Zen group that started last year. Many of you may be part of, it's actually burgeoning. It's been a wonderful program for Zen Center. And last year, well, we've had over time, but last year, our meditation and Espanol group really took off. And that's a group that meets on Saturday mornings. For the last few years, we've also had a queer Dharma group And these groups are intended to help people feel like this place is open and welcoming to them and to all of us.

[33:11]

But I feel our community is enriched as more people come who might not once have felt so welcome here. All of us who live here have an opportunity at different times to be the person who opens the front door. We have a practice of, we call it desk duty in the evening, sit at the front door to greet people who come after dinner, for dinner for a class, for the Wednesday night talk. answer the door, and try to help people find where they're going. And at other times, whoever's available opens the front door. So I had an experience a couple of weeks ago, late on a Sunday morning, to be the one opening the door. And earlier that morning, I had gone out and noticed that someone was sleeping on the front of the building.

[34:16]

And when I came back, he was still there. under his comforter. And I was waiting for some people to arrive, people I had invited to visit, just before noon. And the doorbell rang, and I went. And it was the man who had been sleeping under the quilt. I'm going to call him Ted, just to give him a name. And he asked if he could have something to eat. and he also wanted to use the bathroom. And we have an agreement that when someone asks for food at the front door, we can bring them food, we can give them a sandwich or something else that we can easily prepare, but we don't invite them in unless we can actually sit with them while they have their food. And I said at that moment that I could make him a sandwich, but I couldn't let him in because I didn't have the time to stay with him.

[35:18]

And I brought him the sandwich that he wanted to come in. And I felt really pressured. And I realized that I was getting tense. And so I didn't let him in. And he protested. And finally I said that... And I'm really embarrassed about this, but I want to tell you this story because I think this is one of the situations in the last two weeks that has taught me the most. So the last time he said he really wanted to come in, I threatened to call the police, and he left. And I felt... really terrible about the interaction because I felt like a hypocrite for saying I wanted Zen Center to be welcoming, and I was not welcoming.

[36:22]

I was very unfriendly, and I was full of reasons in my head that justified my behavior. So later on, I met with one of my teachers, Abbot Steve, who listened to my story with warmth and interest and without judging me or blaming me, and yet suggested some alternative things I could have said and done. And as I talked with him, my sense of shame about that incident lessened, and I was able to feel a little more compassion for myself and also have a sense of what I would do if I could do that situation over again. And then two days ago, I was in the lobby and the doorbell rang and I opened the door and there was Ted. And he recognized me and much to my surprise, he apologized for being so pushy the day we had had our first meeting.

[37:35]

And then I apologized for being so unkind. And I was so grateful I had this chance to see him again. And we shook hands and he said, I'm hungry, can you get me something to eat? And I said, yes. And so it was, you know, it's not often that we have a second chance when we do something that we feel regretful about. He gave me an opportunity to make amends. So in this situation, I felt he was my teacher. He really helped me to see where I was constricted and tight and where the limits of my compassion were. And so this was a really helpful...

[38:39]

if painful, lesson to me. So as I come to the end, and I really want to share this because I feel each of us, when we open our door, whether it's this door or the door of our home, we don't really know who we're going to meet. And how can we meet that person and ourselves with compassion? I think living in the city gives us the opportunity to do this again and again and again. So as I come to the end of this talk, I want to acknowledge the work of a friend. She's a Zen student in Berlin in Germany named Ursula Richard. Ursula stayed here at City Center twice last year as a guest student. And when she was here, we had a couple of conversations, and she told me a book that she had written called Stille in der Stadt, which gave me the title for my talk, Stillness in the City.

[39:51]

In Berlin, she has explored many ways in which the whole city is a practice place, and how to practice in the city. And she has a vision that she shares in her book of how cities can be. And she's planning to develop with Bernd Bender, who has practiced here as well, a center in Berlin. So she ends her book with her dream, and I'd like to share part of her dream with you. She says, I stand on the platform and wait for the Uban, which is the equivalent of BART in San Francisco. A voice says through the loudspeaker, please note, the next train is unfortunately a few minutes late.

[40:53]

We apologize and hope that this will not cause you any greater unpleasantness. Imagine that. Please think that this time of waiting is... You can use this time to tune into your body. Finally, the train comes and I enter it, she writes. Over the window opposite me hangs a sign saying it costs nothing to smile. I grin at another passenger who smiles back at me. As I get off the train, a voice comes through the loudspeaker at the station. Please pay attention to those people who are in need. Don't ignore them. As I leave the station, I see a street that's reserved for bicycles. And her vision of a people-friendly city goes on from there.

[41:56]

So, what a dream. Can we actualize it? Can we... all contribute to living in the kind of city that we would like to live in, where we meet ourselves and one another with a smile, and where we take our time to tune in to ourselves and what's around us. So I'd like to come back to W.S. Merwin's poem, and I changed it just a little bit. Turning. Going too fast for myself, I missed more than I think I can remember. Almost everything, it seems sometimes. And yet, there are chances that come back that I did not notice when they stood where I could have reached out and touched them. This morning, the stranger at the door asks me for food.

[43:00]

Are you ready this time? very much. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information visit sfcc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[43:34]

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