This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. So Jury, after scaring us with talks of demons... oppressing us with 900 disorders moves directly to the fruits of realization. How does that happen? The wonders of impermanence. A rainy winter yesterday was.

[01:02]

Just went on and on. There's two little holes in the abbot's umbrella. You'll be surprised how much water got through those two holes. You'll find like probably one drop every minute. Mm-mm. It streamed through. Oh, it was hard. You know, when the mind, when consciousness is in samadhi, continuous contact, Experiences, okay, this completely itself, its own past and future, as we read this morning in the Genjo coin, and when it's done, it's done.

[02:15]

And then the next thing. Firewood becomes ash. And then in our human life, in those rare moments when we're not in samadhi, it's not finished. We pack it in a suitcase and take it with us to the next moment. Interestingly, whatever seems most appropriate to put in the suitcase of memories. past is like a scrapbook. It's not a chronological compendium of all the experiences you ever had. It's the ones that you've chosen to return to, the ones you keep with you so you can refer back to.

[03:23]

Open up your scrapbook. Oh, my graduation photo. definitive of that time there's a fierce poem by Sharon Olds she conjures up the image of her parents graduating paints a beautiful picture you know standing outside the gate the red bricks there they are twenty long young and innocent graduating, about to embark on a life. And then she yells at them from the poem, don't do it. Horrible suffering is going to come. But they did it anyway.

[04:28]

these disorders and demons gonna haunt us for the rest of our life how do they turn into the fruition of realization you know the Dharma says These arisings are the teachers. They illustrate, they demonstrate in a powerful, direct way what conditioned existence is. You know, in some ways, the word emptiness is a real misnomer. I think Chik Nhat Hanh's notion of interbeing

[05:42]

The awesome thing about Sharon Old's poem is the passion she throws out. It's just laden with conviction. The very same conviction each of our minds conjures up when it creates a story. desecrating the purity of our mindfulness. How could that possibly have anything to do with realization, with the path of liberation? But, you know, even just to contemplate our life, to look back at our personal scrapbook, at the particulars and think, hmm.

[07:08]

So, I was so happy. I was so sad. I was so hopeful. I was so despairing. I was so enmeshed. in a bitter relationship. I was so floating on the joys of love. How can we not wonder how that happens to us? goes away. How can you have a rainy winter in one day? Right after spring and followed by a cloudy, changeable day.

[08:21]

After all his far out words, I don't know how they worked on your mind, but I had a hard time with new demons every two hours. I had to do a little personal massaging of that teaching. He's really talking about those psychological afflictions that arises. And disorders. 900 disorders. Well, I must admit, sometimes there's periods of Zazen where that seems believable. And then he goes from that to this.

[09:37]

When the practitioner cultivates calming and insight in this manner, she may be able to realize that all dharmas arise from the mind and that due to the misapprehension and insubstantiality of causes and conditions, they are empty. Because he realizes they're empty, he does not apprehend any existence in the name and characteristics linked to those dormants. This constitutes the calming achieved through comprehending the truth. The words I would put it in, when we notice

[10:39]

when there is noticing of what arises and it's just itself when there is enough presence to see that it comes into being and goes out of being when we watch that thought gather momentum, gather some of its friends, other thoughts with it, pull in some emotions, get a few psychological significances to give it substantiality. When we see this, the notion, the conviction that says this is the truth, It doesn't hold.

[11:43]

It starts to fray around the edges. It starts to become less opaque and more transparent. That is a memory like to pull from my past hmm that is a disposition that comes up for me on a regular basis or maybe even more interesting that's a disposition it comes up for me under certain circumstances conditioned existence And what I was trying to do yesterday was fool you into believing that you can have fun going into this way of being.

[13:06]

Or at least it doesn't have to be, you know, torturous. That it's possible to hold it with a kindliness. Such is the nature of mind for most of us. There's a lot of painful stories in our scrapbook. There's a lot of painful images. And just as interesting, maybe more interesting, they're not only in the scrapbook of memory, they're in the bones of our being. And here's a chord that I think many of you know, Yongshan's Mind and Environment, case 32 of the Book of Serenity.

[14:25]

Yongshan asked the monk, where do you come from? It's one of those dangerous saying questions. Right away, you're in trouble. Before you open your mouth. The monk said, from you province. And practice is funny. If you try to be clever and say, oh, well, I don't really come from anywhere. I just exist right now. You'll probably really make a mess of it. new province.

[15:30]

And do you think of that place? I always think of it. Me, this mind of mine, it's got endless ways of associating the arising phenomena of the moment with something How much rain did we get? How much rain did we get? Almost two inches. Almost two inches. 700,040 raindrops. But from the flats to the lower barn. We want to know. Raw data is a little unnerving.

[16:36]

The phenomena just hangs there in nothingness. We have to give it some context, some kind of association. This is one of the marks of sunyata, emptiness, interbeing, whatever you want to call it. We want it in context. a mind like mine, it's hard to just think rain. It's like, how much rain? Two inches? Hmm. Okay. That's good news. We want to quantify. We want to associate. We want to understand. We want to How does that relate to me?

[17:41]

Well, for me, that's good news. I wouldn't go too far as to say that's going to settle it right, but it's better than not two inches. The workings of mind. And the generosity of the dharma is that it's not saying, don't have a mind. Don't engage mind the way mind comes into being. It simply says, notice, how does mind come into being? When I think of those two inches, alleviating some of the duck. It's actually not a selfish thought. It occurred to me yesterday, oh, this would be good for the fields in Bakersfield.

[18:50]

I haven't been able to plant yet. Do you know that the country and western singer Merle Haggard came from Bakersfield? The mind associates. And as the sheen gives us a working over to study, to watch, to listen, to feel the associations. There's a way in which in our diligence it's almost like we can give ourselves a headache.

[19:53]

There's some kind of compression. Being present is about inhibiting some part of our natural tendencies. of shunyata, teaching of emptiness into being, is existence has certain characteristics. When you stop saying that's not true, things are permanent, they're not impermanent. Things have ultimate truth. They're not just contextual. Things aren't simply a condition to rising.

[20:56]

They're an independent being. When we let go of that busy work, that moment is just that moment. It's just rain. Evocative in whatever way it's evocative. It's just rain with whatever kind of associations you added or didn't. Carried with it whatever kind of physical experience you had. of existence. Maybe you walked around all day a little bit happier.

[22:04]

Maybe you walked around all day a little bit grumpier. This is inconvenient. engaging from the perspective of shunyata okay that's what's happening and the powerful and the opportune of this time of sasheen is that have an affinity with presence it's not a remote mountaintop that we visit you know briefly three times in a period of suicide we're sort of in the territory

[23:13]

The journey goes on and he says, now, if you want to insist upon a certain purity, this is cultivating one aspect of awakening. Because the truth is, the powerful, amazing truth is that being momentary existence, samadhi, continuous contact, reveals the fundamental nature of what is. It cracks open the world according to me and lets the pieces float away. And very interestingly, this koan follows the same rut.

[24:33]

You're from Yu Province. Do you think of that place? I always think of it. The thinker is the mind, and the thought of is the environment. Well, you never know. I'll try this again, see if we get the same cause and effect. thinker is a mind and the thought of is the environment. Wow.

[25:41]

Passing through. Therein, mountains, rivers, landmass, buildings, towers, halls, chambers, people, animals, and so forth come into being. Reverse the thought to think of the thinking mind. Reverse the thought to think of the thinking mind. I would say it like this. Attend to the process of it coming into being rather than getting it carried away by what's constructed. You know, this is the place of shamatha.

[26:47]

As Dugan Zenji says, unconstructedness in stillness. Having some sense of here. Having some sense of the phenomenal arising and being now. It instructs us in a way below our thoughts how to let now be now and then let it have whatever it has. Arduous as it is, to create continuous contact with the body, with the breath, with the sounds, with the thoughts, with the feelings, with the tactile sensations.

[28:02]

Arduous as it is, it's a powerful ally in the process of just meeting the moment as it is. So Yongshan, or more precisely Thomas Cleary's translation of Yongshan is, reverse your thought to think of the thinking mind. Turn your light inwardly to illuminate. Dogen's phrase. just what's happening now but what's happening here and I would say the art of it is almost paradoxical don't make a big deal out of it so like you're thinking that and feeling this and

[29:21]

Wonder. The wonder of me being me. Sometimes things come up and I just go, huh. Sometimes tiny little things and I go, huh. Amazing. And we're all at it, you know, in our own way. So, you know, you can get on your high horse and get righteous and think, no, no, I only do it when appropriate. Okay, if you say so. Maybe you do what I know of. I'm genuinely curious about the process of me coming into being.

[30:36]

How wonderful the monk, the way he just cops to it. Do you ever think of their... Oh, God, yeah. All the time. Me? Think, think, think. That's me. That's me. doesn't say to him, you know, that's really bad. You're a really bad Zen student. He just says, look at the process. And when you look at the process, what about that? And the monk says, okay, when I get to that, I don't see anything. You know, as the mind approaches a concentrated state in this beautiful, terrible world, according to me, that we've put in place and recreate so endearingly, as the mind gets close to concentration, the energy of putting that world into place

[32:18]

going into the concentration. And often that's accompanied by fear. It's like, oh no. But more visceral. Maybe the source of those devouring nightmares maybe what makes those demons come around, see what's happening. And the wonderful paradox is when we connect to concentration, when we get absorbed in concentration, happy days.

[33:22]

The body releases into a pleasant state of being. The mind releases into a pleasant state of being. The thoughts flow like the stream. All this good stuff, and yet some part of us says, Can I go home now? Can I go back to me? Can I go back to you, province? When I get there, when I get here, I don't see any existence at all. And Yongchan says, This is right for the stage of faith.

[34:28]

It's a great act of trust to let it all go. You know, this existential dilemma for us, as we enter the unknown, we can be filled with apprehension, anxiety and fear. Or we can be curious, hmm, I wonder what's next. What happens in life after a winter of rain that lasted only a day? What will I be if I keep letting go of the thoughts and feelings that have been so instrumental in creating me?

[35:40]

The Buddhist termed Shraddha. covers more than what we might in English say faith is. It covers trust and the confidence of having experienced what you've experienced. When you're really thirsty and you drink some water, you have an experience. It's not just an intellectual notion that water satisfies thirst. You have an experience. You trust You have confidence in that. As we taste now, as we taste presence, as we have our glimpses, our murmurings of release that that offers, calls forth,

[36:58]

This trust starts to develop. You look forward to the next period of Zazen. Rather than your mind calculating how many periods of Zazen are left in the Shashin. Or before lunch, if you're not so good at math. Feeling that palpable shift inside of yourself. A certain waiting for the bell to ring. Even though it's just lingering down there.

[38:02]

And as we give over to the timelessness of just a rising phenomena, it literally doesn't matter when the bell's going to ring. Or even if the bell's going to ring. Just trust now. It's a very interesting process. You can't think your way into it. You can't figure it out. You can't demand it of yourself. It's a more intimate alchemy.

[39:06]

It's a giving over to what's going on. I would say to you, a wonderful practice is experiment with it breath by breath. Okay, this inhale. Can I just receive what comes up? This amazing, crazy being called me, can I just let it do its thing? And then with the exhale, can I just let all that go? Whatever the heck it is, let it go. and then okay well I really screwed that up let me try again on the next breath the evening in our effort with this kind of endeavor it goes beyond success and failure

[40:37]

Because with this kind of effort, we'll start to see, well, what did I associate? And then what? Did I cling to it? Did it tighten my jaw to it? Whatever. And the workings of interbeing. the display of conditioned existence keeps presenting itself. And it's not because we've banished all the demons and healed all the disorders. It's because utterly conditioned as we are, we have a deep affinity with awakening.

[41:45]

Can we gently, persistently, skillfully bring mind to this presence. And can we watch what happens in the middle of our efforts to do that? Because even though it might seem when we say Oh, gently, persistently, diligently, that there is, of course, success and failure. No. In the awareness of conditioned existence, whatever comes up is conditioned existence. So Yongshan says, this is right.

[43:13]

This is right for the stage of faith. I would translate it more like, this is so. This is so for the stage of faith. But not yet so for the stage of person. I read it as similar to Shuri's admonition. If we're singularly emphasizing, don't let anything happen. Indeed, We will experience, if we can, and do so, not let anything happen.

[44:18]

I keep directing towards that one-pointed engagement of a phenomena. The faith, the trust, is fully expressed. But the other kind of trust is in the arising existence that we're all part of. Practice is not telling us to not be what we are. It's telling us to wake up to what we are. And even on a practical level, so we can develop presence, but it's when that presence can shine a light, can illuminate, can make aware for you this stuff of your mind, of your memories, of your emotions, of your habits of interacting.

[45:39]

This is how the Dharma integrates into our being. This is right, this is so for the stage of faith and not yet so for the stage of person. Maybe it's a little misleading to think of it as a one-two. As you said earlier, this happens. This doesn't happen in an orderly sequence. It happens as the consequence of the causes and conditions, the myriad causes in your being. I mean it is true in sushi in a general course of things we start with our intention we go through some kind of settling process we get in touch sometimes more sometimes less in in that

[47:15]

proximity of presence, we see, we feel more clearly what's going on. And I would say to you, in this territory, can you stimulate your curiosity? Can you invite yourself into a more intimate relationship with waking up? Can you attend to it in a way that it's not about success and failure? That it's not about asserting that you know how to practice. It's about discovery. And discovery is one of the most enjoyable human experiences.

[48:18]

Close to creativity. It's close to that sense of authentic being. To invite ourselves into this kind of involvement. Not to say the yogic skills we have endeavored to call forth in terms of uprightness, in terms of attention, both focused, directed attention and receptive attention. Not to say these are irrelevant. They are not irrelevant. You're working with the conditioned existence, with ingrained habits.

[49:26]

set the stage for something. They're not an end in themselves. They shine a light on conditioned existence and this will demonstrate liberation. Shut up. And then amazingly, the monk says, don't you have any other particular way of guidance? Is that the best you got? Don't you have any special tricks like just do this?

[50:35]

Those monks. The amazing thing is when we make this kind of careful exploration, we do discover. And discovering is so much more persuasive than somebody else telling you. Besides, they can only tell you in the language, in the words, in the images that occur to them. How much more communicative the words, the languages, the images that arise in your being.

[51:50]

This very mind is Buddha. This very mind expands the Dharma of liberation. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge. and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfzc.org and click Giving.

[52:40]

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