Good morning. Those of you who are here for just this morning may notice that it's a bit quieter than usual here today. There have been between 50 and 60 of us all week making a great effort together to cultivate the stillness. And yesterday evening and this morning, the stillness of the Zen Do was so profound that

[01:13]

I want to thank everyone in Sashin for the effort you have been making all week to create this great container for us, for our practice and for our effort. But if this quietness only benefits those of us sitting Sashin, then it's a poor thing. So I hope that those of you who are coming to join us this morning will feel the depth and sincerity of the effort which has created this pool of stillness for us.

[02:14]

It's rather remarkable how palpable it is that the quiet that happens when 50 or 60 of us are all being quiet together is so much more profound than when any one of us is quiet all alone. So, we begin to feel deeply our connection with everyone and with everything. And in our pain, as we sit very still and very quiet with it, and become one with it, not pushing it away, but embracing it and allowing ourselves to be completely one with whatever is arising,

[03:33]

we include the pain of the whole world. In this situation, we can't allow the situation we call Sashin, by the way, in Japanese it means to gather the mind or to gather the heart, since this word Shin in both Chinese and Japanese means both heart and mind. And this effort we've been making this week is called in Japanese Sashin, gathering the heart. In the midst of this concentrated effort and our intention to benefit all beings,

[04:42]

we may be able to let our hearts break open to become vast enough and wide enough to include all beings and the entire world. And this is our vow, and this is our intention, and this is our effort. There is in Buddhist iconography a Bodhisattva archetype. Bodhisattva means awakening being. And there is an archetype of the Bodhisattva, the awakening being of infinite compassion. In Sanskrit he was called Avalokiteshvara.

[05:45]

In China, she became Kuan Yin. In Japan, this archetype is called Kanzeon or Kanjizai or Kannon. I've brought in here today a Chinese depiction of this Bodhisattva archetype of infinite compassion. The name means regarder of the cries of the world, regarder of the cries of the world or hearer of the cries of the world. And it is in this vast stillness that we create in a week of silent meditation. Each one carefully maintaining the silence for everyone that we can hear the cries of

[06:55]

the world. But this vast ocean of stillness that we have created by sitting still, by letting go of the thoughts that arise, not by pushing them away, by just letting them go. Whatever arises, letting it go, not grasping anything, simply being present to whatever arises as it comes and goes. This vast ocean of stillness is the compassionate peace and calm that can contain all of the

[08:01]

cries of the world, our own sorrow and anguish, and can bring peace and calm to the disturbances that arise. This week many of us here at Zen Center have been sitting in the awareness that two of our dear friends, each of whom has cancer, have entered a new phase of their life in which the cancer is becoming more insistent.

[09:04]

But each one in this room, I am sure, is aware of some deep sorrow in your life that you need to embrace and not push away, but to be one with it and to allow yourself to find some peace and calm in this vast ocean of stillness which underlies all our lives. What I hope we can do is to develop some confidence, some assurance that this stillness is available to you at any moment.

[10:16]

At any moment, at every moment, you are free to let go of the disturbance and settle into the stillness which can contain everything. And out of this comes both peace and joy and an opportunity to share this with all the beings with whom you share your lives. This is our great intention and practice. Not that we find some safe, quiet place to escape from the suffering of the world, but

[11:19]

that we break open our heart to include all of the suffering of all of the beings everywhere and find our peace and joy in knowing that we are not separate from anyone or anything. This is the archetype of Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva, the hearer of the cries of the world. This particular version I like, she sits in the pose called Royal Ease. Perhaps some of us in Sesshin would love to sit in this pose of Royal Ease.

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In the midst of her total receiving of all of the suffering of all of the beings everywhere, she sits with great composure and peace in Royal Ease, receiving each one fully and wholeheartedly and unreservedly. This is this GGU Samadhi we have been speaking of this week, the self-receiving and self-fulfilling Samadhi. This calm mind which fully receives the self, completely and unreservedly receives everything

[13:37]

we find here, rejecting nothing, embracing it wholeheartedly, fulfilling it by receiving it. If this Sazen which we practice so devotedly, devotedly of a vow, this Sazen which we practice as a vow, does not include the great earth and all living beings, then it cannot be considered Buddha activity.

[14:38]

It is Buddha activity because it receives and embraces and includes the great earth and all living beings. So it requires for each of us, returning again and again to this effort, making this vow, not being able to do it, and feeling repentant, and returning to Sazen as repentance, Sazen as vow and Sazen as repentance. This is the vision of the Buddha way that Dogen Sanji offers us.

[15:47]

This is the wholehearted way, the open-hearted way. Today, for me, the broken-hearted way, it has to break open. You can't keep it closed and embrace all beings. Breaking open the heart is a source of great joy, great relief. We don't want to live with a closed heart. It feels pinched and tight. When early in Sashin, you were asked to consider, what is it you're doing here, or why are

[17:06]

you here? What brings you here? This could be said to anyone at any moment of Sazen. What brings you here? What sustains this effort? There is someone who requires it. We can't say who, but we can feel it. We can sense it. We can't name it. We don't need to name it. It is our heart's inmost request that we be one with all being, that we not separate ourselves.

[18:11]

Here at Zen Center, we chant every day the Heart Sutra, the Heart of Perfect Wisdom, which begins, Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva, when coursing deeply in the perfection of wisdom, in the Prajnaparamita, the wisdom that goes beyond, perceives that all five skandhas and their own being were empty and saved from all suffering. The language is a little interesting. It doesn't really say, and was saved, not that Avalokiteshvara was saved from all suffering, but saved all suffering. Saw that all these constituents of existence, which are described as five heaps in Buddhist

[19:22]

psychology, are empty of own being, do not have any separate, inherent existence. When we can see that we ourselves do not have any permanent, separate, inherent existence but are constantly flowing throughout one another, arising in dependence on one another and the causes and conditions of each moment, when we see how totally interconnected, interpenetrating, interdependent we are with all that is, we will no longer be confined to this narrow, separate self that we imagine has some substance.

[20:24]

And we will freely disport ourselves with royal ease for the benefit of all beings. This is our faith. This is our confidence. This is what brings us to make the effort. To sit. I should mention to the participants in Seshin that this was the last Dharma Talk of Seshin and that tomorrow we will have a ceremony known as Shosan. Many of you have participated in such a ceremony, but some of you have not. If there are other participants in the practice period who are here

[21:35]

who want to participate in the Shosan, you may come at 2.30 and do so. But in this ceremony, each one will, Shosan means literally public interview, each one please come forward to meet me with a question that is the most urgent question of your heart. And I will make every effort to meet you with some response. We don't call this a question and answer ceremony, it's a question and response ceremony. And I would like now to ask your indulgence to allow the participants in Seshin

[22:44]

to return to the Zen Do and continue to sit. And I will stay here for a while longer with those of you who are visiting for the day and perhaps have some discussion with you. You may make yourselves comfortable while the Seshin participants leave. We'll do the end of lecture chant and then Seshin participants can return to the Zen Do. May our intention equally penetrate every being and place With the true merit of Buddha's way I vow to save them

[24:15]

Beings are numberless I vow to save them Delusions are inexhaustible I vow to end them Dharma gates are boundless I vow to enter them Buddha's way is unsurpassable I vow to become it Excuse me, Dale. The Seshin will have Kinhin until 11 and then there'll be a long period with an interval.

[25:25]

So, we'll get a little closer, shall we? So, at this point I'd like to respond to questions or comments that you may have. Yes. I think it is the archetype of great compassion, exactly, and there are many archetypes of great compassion. This is the great compassion that inheres in every one of you, you too, and you, and you. This is the great compassion that we choose something to represent so that we can see it in ourselves.

[28:02]

Yes. And yet, others see in you compassionate activity. That we see it in ourselves would probably be very dangerous. Oh, aye, a lot of the kids are pretty good, huh?

[29:09]

I think that immediately builds the moat, exactly. When we are simply acting from our heart, we're inside the moat, there's no moat there. But when we try to see ourself as Susan O'Connell or Blanche Hartman, then we've already built the separation that keeps us from acting from our heart. We're then acting from our concept of, look at me. And since that happens to us, we keep tripping over it, over and over again. This is why we always have to face Azen with repentance. And this is why, as Uchiyama Roshi says in the Samantabhadra Sutra, it says,

[30:12]

Zazen itself is repentance. Zazen is vow, and Zazen is repentance. We make our best effort, it always falls short of our best intention. And we continue to make our best effort, over and over again. And Dogen Zenji says, a Zen master's life is one continuous mistake. And I thought, why would he particularly say that about a Zen master? The best I can figure out, why he would say that particularly about a Zen master, is the more developed our awareness is, the more constantly aware we are of our mistakes. The more constantly we have to return to repentance in Zazen. This is how I understand it.

[31:13]

Yes? Is it striving for perfection or striving for awareness? If you're constantly aware, you're trying your best, you're always aware of your mistakes, are you then striving for perfection or are you striving for awareness? I want to go back one step. I want to go back one step between perfection or awareness to this striving. Striving, to me, sets up something like an idea that there's something out there, that's outside of here, to attain, to arrive at. And I think, you know, there is that feeling all the time. And Suzuki Roshi was always saying, no goal-seeking mind.

[32:16]

I mean, it says in the sutra, nothing to attain. No attainment because there's nothing to attain. No gaining idea, he said, and it's such a paradox, you know. He also said, Zen is about making your best effort on each moment forever. So what is this effort that we make, this making our best effort on each moment, with nothing to gain, with no gaining idea, with the confidence that each one of us is already complete and already completely Buddha? What kind of effort is that? That's a different kind of effort than striving, I think. That's an effort that doesn't put some goal outside, but just is making an effort to fully express what's already right here, to find a way to bring it into the world, to offer it freely wherever we are.

[33:19]

It's more like the effort that a flower makes to bloom. It doesn't have some idea of, I want to look like this when I'm done. It just brings out that which is already here and presents it to the world. That's, I think, more the kind of effort that we make. And it feels different to me than striving. And this teaching that we're perfect as we are, just like this, was the first thing I ever heard Suzuki Roshi say. And when I heard him say it, in my mind I said, well, he doesn't know me. But he said something like that very often. You have everything you need. You're already complete. Just this is enough, or just this is it, or things as it is.

[34:26]

This perfect acceptance of things as it is, he talked about a lot. Very confusing when one thinks of oneself as imperfect, flawed, lacking, all of the ways that we sometimes think of ourselves. And the Buddha Dharma, I think, speaks precisely to that tendency that we have to not see that we are Avalokiteshvara, that these archetypes that we set up, we are Manjushri. These archetypes are set up for us to see what's already here and find a way to manifest it. I want you to all come and read this one when we're through.

[35:35]

This is a very lovely figure. I think the original is in the Cleveland Museum, but I really like this one. Yes? Sometimes, in a small part of the time, my heart can't break open. But more often, it takes a hurtful refuge with other people being wrong, wanting other people to be wrong, wanting me to be right, making other people be wrong. And that's such a hurtful kind of separation. Well, I think the first thing is to notice how much it hurts when that happens. And to notice, that isn't what I want to do. That doesn't feel, that doesn't express my true heart. So when those thoughts arise, we just see them and say, Oh, I'm so sorry I'm feeling that way now. I don't want to harbor these thoughts.

[36:36]

Maybe I can let them go. This effort is, actually, this effort is to let go, actually, of these thoughts that come up that make us seem separate. It's not to push them away, but just to let them go. They'll keep coming up. They'll keep coming up. This delusion of being separate is where we live. It's where we live. But just that we don't grasp onto it and make it solid and real, and just say, Oh, there it is again. There's my view of self again. Oh, who do I think I am right now? Oh, I think I'm Miss Right. Begin to bring a little lightness into it, and a little humor, and forgive yourself for tripping over yourself, because we all do it. That's why I like this. A Zen Master's life is one constant mistake, so how come I'm exempt?

[37:39]

Why do I think I should be exempt? Just, whoops, this again. It sure feels bad when I do it. Thank you. I saw that this morning when I was sitting, I was sitting and thinking, I'm too noisy. I'm not sitting right. Oh, I just noticed my hands are in the wrong place. And I kept doing that, and seeing that I was doing that, and thinking, What am I doing here? And then I came in here, and I heard you say, sitting with pain. And I realized I was causing myself pain. Yeah, yeah, we do that, we do that. We have these habits, we have these habits, and in sitting we try to let go of these habits we have,

[38:44]

of denigrating ourselves. We denigrate ourselves, and then we turn and denigrate others as well. So, thank you for noticing that. That's really all we can do is clearly observe. But if, when we clearly observe, it makes space for things to change. It sort of opens up some spaciousness. When we see what we're doing, then we can see that there's some choice. If we don't notice what we're doing, there doesn't appear to be any choice, we just get caught in this habit. Yes? How shall we accept our shadow within our perspective? Turn and face it, and come to know it intimately,

[39:47]

so that it doesn't trip you up. Bring it out of the shadow and into your view. We all have a shadow. And this is one of the reasons we practice together, in a community, in a Sangha. This is one of the things that Sangha can do for you. It can say, did you notice this little shadow here that maybe you hadn't seen? Sangha helps you in that way. I've noticed that this is one of the great things about Sangha, is that all of your friends help you to see yourself in the ways... It's sort of like being in a hall of mirrors, you know? And sometimes you don't like what you see in the mirror. But you get to become familiar and intimate with it, and then it doesn't... Then you don't find yourself acting out of the shadow,

[40:51]

without awareness that that's what you're doing. Does that make sense? You look very dubious. Yes, so that's why I say to practice with others, and they will help you to become more aware of it, and that will shine some light into the shadowy areas. Find some good Dharma friends to practice with. What? Go ahead. No, but then it doesn't control you. That's the point. It doesn't become the motivation for your actions then.

[42:01]

The more you become aware of it, the less your motivations come from the shadow. Can you clarify choiceless awareness and choosing? Well, I think what's meant by choiceless awareness is just be aware of whatever arises, not just choosing the nice things that you like to be aware of, but be aware of it, including being aware of shadow elements when they arise as well. But when I'm talking about choosing, I'm talking about choosing what to act on. Well, I'll give you a little example that happened to me some years ago in a session at Green Gulch

[43:05]

when I was quite infatuated with somebody. It was a really beautiful morning at Green Gulch. I don't know if you've been out there, but it was the time of day just before sunrise, sort of the morning twilight time. I don't know what that's called exactly. And I was standing looking at the pond and there was a great blue heron on the pond and it was just beautiful. And I went into the Zen Dojo and I was just feeling wonderful. I sat down and I began thinking about this person that I was infatuated with and thinking, oh, isn't it too bad? They're married. I'm married. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could go off for a weekend together to the Redwoods? I'm making up this whole fantasy in my mind. In five minutes I'm just feeling miserable. Oh, isn't it too bad? I'm so sad. I can't do this. And I thought to myself,

[44:07]

and suddenly it occurred to me, wait a minute, what happened? You were feeling really, really good and now you're feeling really, really bad and nothing's happened. You've just been sitting here. You did it all yourself. Now, how do I do that? And I kind of went over how I did that. But that gave me a choice then. The next time this thought arose, I said, boy, if I get on that thought train, I know where it's going to take me. It's going to take me to Dumpsville. And it gave me a chance to decide, do I want to play out this fantasy or do I want to let it go? And so almost, I won't say instantly, this infatuation went away, but very shortly, we just dropped this little fantasy. And then this person and I could be perfect good friends and there wasn't this little shadow of this fantasy land going on around it that had made it up until then

[45:10]

very tense and tight and every time I was visiting their house, their spouse didn't like to have me around and so forth. Anyhow, that's a story about what I mean about choice. When you see the kind of mind game... Maybe that's enough for this morning. Thank you very much.

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