This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. So, Shraddha, Shraddha, we have no... There's nothing coming up for me when I hear the word Shraddha. I don't know how it is for you. But when we hear an English word, love, despair, Christmas, something comes up. So words do have a power, and it's so important to use words and find the right words. And for Shraddha, I find we don't have a word yet. But let's try to get closer to what is meant, and maybe a new word arises. Maybe we create one today. The Sanskrit word means actually to give your heart, to set your heart onto something.

[01:05]

Today we would maybe say to align what you find worthwhile, to put your body and mind onto and into something you trust, you find worthwhile, you want to create. Shraddha. Energy. And you see there's already a difference. Usually trust, we don't think of energy. And Shraddha, in this word or this phenomenon I want to talk about today, has a lot of energy. It's a lot of activity. It's not like belief or faith that we fold our hands and wait, you know, that the right thing might happen. So... the word I want to talk about today has a lot of activity. So that is already one of the three points I want to mention how this can be defined. So it's about the phenomena that... Let me start with number one.

[02:09]

So one criteria about this word Shraddha, trust, is yes, we believe in something, trust in something, that we might not have experienced yet, right? That enlightenment. Many people might think they haven't experienced enlightenment yet, and still we believe, we hope, we trust there is something like enlightenment. There is something like peace in the world, peace for countries, peace for our communities. Even if we haven't experienced it yet, there is that idea, that feeling, that desire, this... Actually, it is a knowing. It's a kind of knowing that it can exist. That sounds, for me, very powerful, actually, and not like waiting and folding our hands. So this yes, maybe not knowing and not having experiences in it, but yes, it's more about believing into a possibility for me.

[03:11]

The second point is what I just mentioned. put a lot of energy into something, so this something I put my heart-mind onto or into, an idea, peace work, as I said, my spiritual development, politics, although today we won't talk about politics much. As I said, the emphasis is our spiritual life, but, you know, of course they are connected. So I put a lot of energy and activity into something I believe in, I trust, which is worthwhile, and miracle, miracle, I get energy back. In this way of trust and working, it's not something that exhausts me. It is really a phenomenon or a paradox. I give a lot of energy, you know, over hours or what I see today around me that a lot of the young people who work here, you know, during the free hours, they go to demonstrations, write letters, get information to people,

[04:14]

the stretch of doing extra, and I see that it is energizing us, and we get something back. And then we have even more energy to do something. It's not always doing. It's also just a being, you know? But we are energized and not necessarily exhausted. And a third criteria when we talk about this kind of trust is joy. Joy. that something that appears is joy, ease, if we align with what we want, what we found worthwhile, what we want to see happen. Sharon Salzberg dedicated a whole book towards the subject, Faith, that's called Faith, and it's a very personal book, and she talks a lot about how it worked for her, working with trust, and she has... A lot of nice stories. So that's another book I could recommend you to read.

[05:15]

And I wanted to quote something. Oh, and she speaks about the difference between trust and hope. That hoping is a bit more that you want a certain outcome and trusting is... In our definition, in her and my definition, I agree with her, it would be bigger, that trust I'm talking about, because we don't expect a certain outcome. It just put all this energy, all this, what we want to happen, so we put all our energy of this heart-mind into something, and then at one point we have to let go, because we can't control what happens next. But we still do it. We don't know the outcome. We cannot know the outcome. And still, that's not a hindrance, you know, not to do it. We want to do it. We do it anyway. And she quoted Ellen Watts, who said, belief clings, faith lets go.

[06:18]

So in spite of all this doing and aligning with something and all that energy, there is a point, a time and a place where we have to let go. We have to, because others also do their work and, you know, and there are situations and other conditions and we cannot control it at one point. You know, all these things have to come together and we do our part. We are responsible for our part. So belief clings, faith lets go. Somehow it's too bad that there is no verb for faith. Belief has a verb, to believe, but we don't have to faith, do we? Because, of course, it's a process. These nouns sometimes, not sometimes, actually always, make things into stuff, things. Even words like trust, belief, faith. It makes it into things.

[07:20]

And we think there is such a thing as faith or trust. To trust is a verb. So it's good. Let's stay with trust. To trust. So just that we don't forget it's a process. It's a doing. It's a verb. It's not that's something we have and then we have it all the time or we lose it and it's gone forever. Sometimes we have it. Sometimes it's stronger. Sometimes we manage to be with it. Then we lose it and we can maybe go into it. depression, despair, and we get out again. Most of us. Sometimes we don't, but it is possible to get out of there. So to think in the way that it is a verb, it is happening, it is a process. And although we never know what I said, we don't have control, and we don't know 100% what the outcome is, we still do it. This trust, faith is sometimes I hear, and I'm talking about myself, you know, when I hear faith and trust in the beginning, I heard it more, I must admit, like a little bit decoration.

[08:32]

It's nice to have. It's good when you have some trust and faith. But actually now through the Buddhist teachings, you know, I don't know whether you know that faith is the first spiritual power. There are five spiritual powers, you know, and faith is the first. And faith we meet all over the teachings from the early Buddhism on. The meaning changes a little, and we go through that a little bit, how it changed. So in the early teaching, it was defined as a seed, a seed with a soft D, an entrance gate, for enlightenment, an entrance gate to enter the path of the Buddha. So faith has to be in the beginning, and there is some truth to that. But because maybe some of us wish to see Buddhism as neutral and a bit drier and not so bloomy or whatever our reasons are why we like the teachings,

[09:44]

Or we say we have no gods and we don't have faith. But in my eyes, it is not true. Actually, faith is at the beginning of all big things that happen. People have the idea to build a bridge, to build a temple, to Gandhi, to free a country. There is faith in the beginning of the big things going on. So excuse me when I just assume that I start from there, that I do think that faith is in the beginning, and faith is at the end, because when we experience that it works for us, then it is at the end, and actually it helps when it is in the middle as well. It can carry us through. It's a spiritual power, as I said. Just to mention then, the other four powers are energy,

[10:45]

mindfulness, concentration, and wisdom. And other than energy and mindfulness, like we can work on mindfulness and concentration. We can work on our concentration and focus. We can make an effort to be more mindful. So on some points in our life we can work. Faith, belief, trust has that one side, trust has that other side, I think, that is almost like a gift. I know that not all of us have had this lack of having trust, you know, when the childhood was not easy, you know, abuse, trauma, accidents. There are so many reasons why people may have no trust, and I totally understand that, and that that exists. And still, as an encouragement to look at that, Maybe there is a possibility to allow that trust is, to have trust is important because it's opening us up.

[11:52]

Not because of any moral judgment, because trust is the chance that we open up to possibilities. So faith is also a gift, I think. these three points, how the trust I talk about is defined, like to believe in something that isn't proved yet, or I have no experience, then this giving a lot of energy, and receiving a lot of energy, and the third aspect of joy, I added, that was a definition in the early Buddhist teachings, and I added for us thin people, There's actually a fourth aspect in Zen, working with trust, and that is doubt. Doubt is allowed.

[12:55]

It's not only that it is allowed in Zen. We work with doubt all the time. Doubt meaning here questioning. We sit with our questions. We turn them. We change the words. We ask again. This kind of doubt is not sarcasm. I'm sorry that you are so cold, people. Maybe you should get some tea in here. I'm sorry. I don't mind when you cough. It's not disturbing me. Please don't leave because you are coughing. Where was I? Sarcasm. So the doubt that is included in the trust I talk about is a doubt that is questioning and exploring. And that is what we do all the time. We sit with our questions. And as I said, it's not only allowed, it's actually our way to ask, to question, to explore.

[13:58]

How is that meant? We are already Buddha. I doubt it. It can't be true. I don't feel that. There are so many questions we can't answer, and there are so many doubts about what you mean. I'm already enlightened. It doesn't feel like it. Hmm. So how could it be meant? Enlightened. If I use another word, everybody is awake. Uh-huh, that sounds already different, you know? So change the word, words. Explore. Look what works for you. So this kind of doubting, asking, questioning is a big part in Zen or in Mahayana in general. And we have even just one or two quotes. We have the quotes, big doubt, big enlightenment, small doubt, small enlightenment, just to see how consequent they are, that doubt is really a part of our work, and that it can lead to enlightenment.

[15:00]

So that fourth point would be that for me it is included, doubt is included in... this kind of trust. Because otherwise it would be like, again, like belief. You have to trust. And that's not helpful. Like people, when we hear we have to, we close down already, right? So we have another approach that we also allow doubt. And also you can't really, as I said before, like trust is almost like a gift. You can practice trust a little bit. But actually, it's easier to practice with doubt in the way I just described it, in the way of questioning. You can't really practice trust so much, except in everyday life. I mean, you can, that you open up a little bit. Can I trust her this time? Shall I give them space and trust again? It does happen, but it doesn't have this way of working as we work with doubt as a path.

[16:03]

And also to give an example that even it works, that there works something even without trust or beyond our thinking. Shall I tell that story? Yes, I will tell that story. I worked in the kitchen at Green Gulch and one day I saw a raw egg rolling towards the edge of the counter. And I remember I was thinking, oh my God, it was very quickly. Oh Buddha, not oh God. It was really rolling very quickly. And I know, I remember that I thought, I will not catch it. It was too quick, and I was a meter or one and a half meters away. And I remember that I imagined myself doing it. I thought, you cannot do it. And despite this thought, that thought, I cannot do it, I still squatted down and held the hand as close to the ground as I could, and the elf fell into my hand. I tell you this story because I want to show, because it was really a teaching for me, we say very often that our thoughts are a hindrance.

[17:15]

And I remember that I did think, I had this negative thinking, I cannot do it. And then there was another wisdom in my body, mind, trying it anyway. Besides, I did have the thought, though. So don't believe that if there's a negative thought, that one, that is the one that has to win. And this is true. It's really not made up. It was just two or three days later, the same situation. I was standing in the kitchen, and I don't know why, maybe because it had to be a teaching, another egg rolling down towards the counter edge. And I remember that I thought, Oh, no, not again. Not again. Again, I thought, this time I will not be able to get it because I succeeded last time. I thought, this time you will not get it. And I also remember that I was, with that thought, I felt like numb. I felt heavier and slower.

[18:19]

And I was more convinced in the first example I didn't think so much after that thought. But now the thought was longer, and it took over a little bit, and I almost didn't even try. But I tried again, and I catched it again. I caught it again. So that is a story for me, a teaching that the thoughts are there, and they may be there. It is the job of the brain to create thinking. It will. It always will. And it is a job of another part of us that we don't have to believe it. We don't have to follow up all the time. That is our potential. Then besides the teaching that describe faith or trust as a seed, as an entrance, and as a companion on the path, and also being at the end of having a lot of faith and giving us strength, there's of course the enlightenment story of the Buddha himself.

[19:42]

We could look at that story as a question of faith and trust. If you remember, he sat under that tree, and Mara came and had all these challenges for the Buddha. Mara sent his daughters, the beautiful daughters, to seduce the Buddha and promises for the Buddha. And the Buddha had no reaction. The Buddha really was untouchable, and Mara had no chance. And then Mara had one more idea. And he said to the Buddha, who do you think you are? You think you are enlightened? You are a dreamer. You just imagine it. Who do you think you are, really? And let's look at this Mara for a moment as maybe one part of the Buddha, not an outer demon, but one part of the Buddha that doubts.

[20:46]

It was his own doubt, maybe. part of his, there was a little cell doubting. Am I really enlightened? May I say so? Is that it? Is it? May I say so? So Mara not only as a demon outside, you know, but his own, part of his own psychology, still working and doubting. And then the Buddha did this one gesture that we know as touching the earth, the earth touching gesture. He asked, Mother Earth, am I imagining this? May I go on? Am I enlightened? Did it really happen? Am I a dreamer, as Mara says? And the earth answered, shaking and trembling, roaring. Yes, you are it. Don't doubt. And Mara disappeared. So that doubt of the Buddha disappeared. So we can look at stories in that way that maybe that helps if we find examples of doubt and trust in these stories as well.

[21:57]

So, in Zen, as I said before, great doubt, great enlightenment, small doubt, small enlightenment. Oh, I didn't say this. No doubt, no enlightenment. Doubt questioning is necessary. I did speak about that. Yeah. Then one step further. So I talked about faith, trust, not just as a nice thing to have or be in, as a decoration, but really as a spiritual power that is not only in Buddhism the way, though also the Christians had two examples how they worked with trust. And in Buddhism, faith, trust is very, is connected with wisdom. So I Within the Mahayana teachings, so when we leave earlier Buddhism where faith is the seed and it carries us, in Mahayana Buddhism later, so around 500 years later, trust, faith was connected more and more towards wisdom.

[23:29]

It was an understanding that the two are connected. And I would like to start with a Christian phrase. It was Augustinus. How do you pronounce him? Augustinus? Augustinus? Augustine, I just want you to know what I'm talking about. Thank you, Augustine. He said, I believe in order to understand. I want you to go with me. So usually we want to understand, and then we believe. But we sometimes think about science, that we know something, and then we believe it. or in everyday life, we know something and we trust in it. He turned it around 180 degrees. Again, I believe in order to understand. And that emphasizes the phrase I said in the beginning, that we need some willingness in the beginning that something can happen.

[24:34]

If we don't give... a chance. Give peace a chance. If we don't give our big ideas a chance, our small ideas a chance, you know, peace and love a chance, things we cannot even imagine yet, but there could be a part of us, a small part of us, that let me squatter down and catch the egg. If I can do it, you can do it. That means there is that part in you too that besides all doubt, despair, not knowing, being comfortable, you know, all these areas where we are a bit stuck and sit in, we also have this other part that knows, yes, there is a lot more possible. So there has to be that willingness that I can understand. So in Christianity they have this phrase, the connection between trusting, believing, of course they mean trusting, believing in God, but I think we can use it because we can transfer it into Buddhism as well.

[25:48]

We have to open up so that the possibility of understanding can actually happen. There cannot be an understanding if we are not willing to open up and if we don't open up to a possibility. Is that... became that switch clear? Yeah. So that I found very helpful and interesting. So there is a direct connection between wisdom and realization and trust. So it's much more than... a declaration, trust as, you know, a little thing that is also nice to have. It's really almost like a condition to be able to have wisdom, to have realization. I believe in order to understand. Another way to say it, faith-seeking understanding.

[26:50]

So trust, faith, belief, whatever word you choose. Maybe you have other words. Do you have other words for trust? Did anybody think about it or worked with it? Are there other words for this trust? Spiritual trust? Deep trust? Maybe. Letting go. Say it again. Confidence, right? I didn't say confidence. And letting go, yeah. Letting go is definitely a big part. Letting go doesn't include the activity that I mentioned as one of the points to put all my heart into. Letting go is one part. But there was one more idea. Openness. Openness. Trust, openness.

[27:58]

Yes, please. Did you understand? Did you understand? Do you mind standing up and saying it once more? Thank you. Therefore, be glad. I am confident. And confident. Be glad and confident. That confidence. Yeah, good, great. Anything? Spending disbelief. Descending disbelief. Coming from the other side. Yeah, working with the disbelief and the mistrust. Yeah, good. Yeah, I didn't come from that. Suspending disbelief. Yeah.

[28:59]

Let go. Letting go of disbelief. That's very Zen, using the negative, using the no part. Yeah, and that changes something. It's another viewpoint. That's good. I didn't do that yet. Coming from that side. No distrust, no disbelief. Surrender. Surrender, she said. Yeah. That would include the openness, the letting go, the no control, willingness, what wants to happen, may happen. Open-mindedness is another suggestion. Open-minded-heartedness. Yes, please. Yeah.

[30:07]

Right. And if we just say knowing, it can be so many other knowings, too. I agree with it is a kind of knowing. That's like what I experienced when I described the story with the egg. There was a body-mind knowing even better than my thoughts. So we actually do know. Yes. That is also called intuition. It could be intuition. So we do know. Sometimes when I asked something to my teacher once or twice, he said, deep in your heart you do know. And my mother said that to me. And it's right, actually. And sometimes we put out the phrase sometimes just to hear it once more, the question. But actually, we do know the answer. And it's not so that the teacher gives us the answer. We put out the question, and either the moment we ask it or a little bit later, we do know. We do know. That is this kind of knowing. Yeah, I agree. And if we work with that, and working means putting our awareness towards that there is something working with us, like intuition, that there is a knowing in us, and we cannot pin it down, you know, like in science.

[31:22]

We don't have these kinds of evidence, but we experience it. And if we trust it and we come in another situation and we remember, oh, I think I can trust this intuition. Then this trust grows. And this is what I call working with it. Actually, it's always an aligning with, remembering that we are guided, that there is something we can align with and remember. This kind of knowing. Yes, that definitely belongs to this word, trust. I agree. Knowing. Anything else? Please, in the very back. Can you somehow get it to me? Devotion. Devotion. Did you say devotion? Devotion. Devotion would include this openness and alignment to something I have decided for, yeah?

[32:23]

Mm-hmm. Devotion. I said yes to something and I always come back to it, remember it, and put all my energy into it. Devotion. Mm-hmm. devote the vows I am following, my alignment, my innermost purpose in life. I come back to, I remember. We have words. Let me read. or the doubt that shows up. She said tolerance. She said there has to be some tolerance for all the doubts that show up. Yeah.

[33:25]

That would be very skillful. And this is actually what this book is about, you know, that we don't... not meaning going through emotions. When I first read it years, years ago, you know, because of English being my second language, I didn't get the title. I thought healing through the dark emotions, meaning, you know, in the first few, healing through the dark emotions, meaning going through the emotions, letting them behind. Going through and, you know, not wanting to, letting them behind. And of course the book is exactly an alternative to that. Working through them, with them. There's the tolerance to look at them and that they have a sense, it makes sense, you know, that there is fear and despair and working with it, through it, from the darkest nights, you know, back to the light. Yes, so there has to be tolerance, also the skill.

[34:27]

To know that is actually wisdom. That would be a wisdom part, to know what helps, to know what works. So this phrase, I believe in order to understand, faith, trust, seeking, understanding. We have faith, we are open and receptive so that reality, truth, the present moment, whatever, it can meet us. We are open. It can reveal itself. What time is it, please? 22? 5 of 11. Yeah.

[35:33]

I started with the cold, not cold night, but the cold morning, which also had a beauty, actually. It was so cold, and I felt a sore throat coming, and we are supposed not to wear socks in the sand. And I thought, oh, I don't want to lose my voice. You know, it's that last night. And this morning, oh, it was so cold. And then I looked out of the window, and it was all white, you know, the ice. And I thought, see, it can be sharp and cold and dangerous, and it has a beautiful side as well. The same thing. It always depends what eyes, with what view we look at things. Yeah, so besides, again, besides the psychology, and we may look for help wherever we can get it, I always say. I wanted to encourage and inspire you to look at our teachings in the same way that we do find tools in our teaching.

[36:37]

We find trust and all the other words you said, you know. We find it in our teachings and we can look at the Buddhist stories like the Buddha's Awakening story or many, many others. We can get into them. What do they want to tell us? Where is the pearl? What is the center? What is precious? How can they help us? And after the break of 15 or 20 minutes, we'll have tea now and muffins. I invite you to come back for And I don't want to call it really question and answer. I know we do it because it has to have a title. But my understanding is that it will be more a conversation, a dialogue, and not me sitting here. So when you come back in 20 minutes, it would be nice if you can sit like more in a circle for the ones who would like to come back and share a little bit more. Thank you very much for being so active. Thank you. Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support.

[37:54]

For more information, visit sfzc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[38:03]

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