that's lovely to see you and today is August 9th 2020 here at in California that's the date and today is also this 50th anniversary of of the day I was ordained as a priest. So on this day, I was ordained with my Dharma brother, Paul Disko, by our teacher, Shinryu Suzuki Roshi. He kindly agreed to ordain me. I asked to be ordained. not too long before this date, and he ordained me.

[01:16]

And I have been feeling the great gratitude for these 50 years of being able to practice with the community and with him as long as he lived. About a month before I was ordained, I was at Tassahara Monastery with him and he gave a talk. And Now, during the talk, he said something about his disciples. And when he said that, I wondered, who are his disciples?

[02:24]

So after the talk, I said... Roshi, you referred to your disciples in your talk. And I wondered who your disciples are. I wondered if, for example, I didn't say it to him, but when he said that, I wondered if I was a disciple of his. I wanted to be, but I didn't know. if I was. And so I asked him, and he said, kind of apologized and said, I think about it this way. And he said, I don't like it, but I do. I think that there's two kinds of students at Tassajara. One kind of student

[03:41]

are here for themselves. And another kind of student are here for others. He said that the students that are here for others are my disciples. And at that time, 50 years ago, I wondered if I was I was one of his disciples. I wonder if I was at the temple with the teacher and the community for the welfare and harmony of others, or if I was practicing for myself alone. And I've been wondering that off and on for 50 years.

[04:42]

I asked him that question almost 50 years and one month ago. For a long time, I've been praying that this great assembly of practitioners would remember silence and stillness. I'm at Gringotts now. One day I was running in the hills quite a long time ago.

[05:52]

I was running in the hills. Now I can't exactly run in the hills anymore. Now I walk in the hills or jog in the hills. But I was running, and I was running downhill towards mere beach. And coming uphill was a noted philosopher. who lived in Muir Beach. And he liked living near Zen Center. And he said to me one time, he said, it's a great encouragement to me and many people that there's a community living in the valley that witnesses silence and stillness. It's wonderful for me that there is a group of people who witnesses that. So I have been praying for years that we would remember silence and stillness here.

[06:58]

And that we would receive it because silence and stillness that we're remembering is a transmission from the Buddhist. It's the transmission which is the Buddhist. Shakyamuni means the silent one of the shakya group. And I still pray, I still wish that this great assembly will remember And we'll receive the transmission of stillness and silence from the awakened one. We'll receive the transmission of silence and stillness from awakening. And that we will practice it.

[08:03]

I pray for that. And that we will transmit it to others so they can receive it and practice it. And this stillness, as I understand it, is the place, is the way from which or in which the appropriate response to all living beings will come forth. We don't just sit to be silent and still and enjoy peace and serenity. We sit there because that's where the Buddhists sit and that's the place from which they live and that's the place from which they transmit peace and harmony where they transmit harmlessness and beneficence and blessings from this stillness.

[09:06]

The blessings of the awakening come forth in silence and stillness to the world of all living beings. That's the faith. So we sit in silence and stillness in a world where there is great suffering. there is great cruelty and injustice and oppression and where there is also great compassion and in silence in this silence

[10:12]

We are called. And in silence, we listen. We listen to the silence. We witness the stillness. And we hear the calls of the world. And one of the calls that I hear now is that silence is not an option. In silence, I hear a voice telling me that silence is not an option. I hear a voice telling me that silence is violence. I want to listen to those voices. And I wonder, how can I reconcile the voice that calls for silence as a prayer and a voice which says that silence is not an option?

[11:38]

How can we harmonize and reconcile the need to shout How can we not get stuck in silence and let the shout for justice come forth? The shout for nonviolence come forth. The shout to look at ourselves In silence, I want to listen. In stillness, I want to listen to all beings calling. They're calling me to open.

[12:50]

In silence and stillness, all beings are calling me to open to the pain in myself and the pain of others. They're asking me to look at what's happening right in front of me. I can hear them in the silence. Look at what's happening right in front of you. what you're doing and what you have done. They asked me to be accountable, moment by moment. They asked me to be open to being questioned about how I'm living and how I have lived. They asked me to study the history of this world. discover that there has been racial injustice, even from the time of the Buddha.

[14:03]

The Buddha lived in a society where there was racial injustice, where there was racial oppression in India, where there was oppression and disrespect of women in India. And still today in India, there is such racial oppression. And there's ethnic oppression in China for centuries and centuries and continues. And there's ethnic oppression in Japan and Korea and, of course, in the United States. In silence, I hear we are called to look at this and be accountable for this. We are being asked to confess and repent so that we can help others. We are being asked to confess and feel regret and sorrow so that we will become harmless and beneficial.

[15:12]

Not just to punish ourselves or be punished, but to melt away the root of what hinders the Buddha's compassion. free ourselves from our past karma by fully acknowledging it and repenting it, feeling sorrow about it, feeling regret, feeling remorse over and over, daily confession and repentance. which is a traditional part of Buddhist practice. It's a traditional part of the Buddha way to practice accepting responsibility for our karma and feeling sorrow for any unwholesomeness.

[16:20]

This is a traditional path of awakening. And our responsibility to awakening is also our responsibility to do this work public and private and people do practice this and we practice it when it's noisy and we practice it when it's quiet we quietly explore the farthest reaches of the causes and conditions of this world, the causes and conditions of racial injustice, the causes and conditions of oppression of women, the causes and conditions of injustice to trees,

[17:29]

and other animals, and the water, and the mountains. The trees and the water are calling to us to look and see what we're doing to the trees and the water and the air. And confess, if we do ever act in a harmful way, To the trees. And the water. And the humans. And the people of color. And the women. And the animals. They're all calling us. To look. And acknowledge. Our shortcomings. And to feel the sorrow of that. And to feel the heartbroken. And to feel. Humbled. Before. this great, great call.

[18:32]

We are being called to increase our area of moral clarity. we are being called to widen the horizon of our responsibility. Widen the horizon of our responsibility and accept it over and over. On a daily basis, if possible. So this morning I had the privilege of being able to walk safely to a meditation hall where we have started to practice together again with social distance and masks

[19:59]

Wearing masks is part of our moral responsibility. And we open all the doors and windows. And this morning, because of social distancing, there wasn't room for me in the Zendo. So I was asked if it's okay to sit outside on the walkway around the Zendo. And I said, yes. And I went outside the Zendo and sat on the walkway outside. And looking out upon the morning fog in this valley, I felt inspired.

[21:04]

I felt inspired by the trees and the grasses. So silently, as I sat, I said, all my ancient twisted karma from beginningless greed, hate and delusion. born through body, speech, and mind, I now fully avow. I said this, and the trees and the grasses witnessed me, and the earth witnessed me, and I felt inspired to do it again, all my ancient twisted karma. From beginningless greed, hate, and delusion, born through body, speech, and mind, I now fully confess and repent.

[22:12]

I now fully confess and regret. I now confess and feel heartbroken. I had the privilege of sitting in silence and thinking those thoughts and saying those thoughts and praying that the horizon of my responsibility continues to widen. So that I feel responsible for all beings with no exception.

[23:15]

This is the pure and simple color of true practice. It's the true body of faith and the true mind of faith. So say the ancestors. It's a simple practice. And we, particularly we white people, and particularly we men, are being called to practice it and look at our responsibility for the oppression of people of color and women. and people of different sexual orientation, and disabled people, and the trees, and the grasses, and the water, and all the animals. We're being called to do this.

[24:22]

It's hard. It's hard to respond to this call sometimes. But I feel inspired to listen to it in silence. I feel inspired to remember silence and listen to this call. To remember silence so I can listen better. That I can listen before I have something to say. to take it in, in stillness, and feel it. And again. And again. even feel joy that I have the great privilege of hearing this request.

[26:00]

How terrible it would be if I couldn't hear it. If I was so numb and closed off that I couldn't hear. but I can hear a little bit, a little bit, and I'm glad I can hear a little. And some people say, I can't stand to hear anymore. Okay, all right. It's a gradual process of extending, of extending, of widening how much responsibility we can open to. And be grateful that we feel anything. I feel grateful that I can feel a little of the suffering of the world. And I vow to open to feel more.

[27:03]

And the silence and stillness will help me. Dare to let my responsibility widen and to feel it. And once again, this is the exact transmission of the Buddhas. This isn't just for beginners. This is the Buddha's teaching. This is what Buddhas have practiced. Before Buddhas were Buddhas, they were just like us doing this practice. In order to be Buddhas, we have to do this work, work, work, joyfully. it is joyful. It's a joy to see your faces and to see you listening to me and to have me listen to you and hear your calls.

[28:09]

Thank you for calling to me. Thank you for calling to me.

[28:31]

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