to balance the training and perfect dharma. It is rarely met with even a hundred thousand million compas, having it to see and listen to, to remember and accept. I have vowed to be Good morning, everyone. I think you know by now, my name is Tim Wicks. I serve as Tonto here for head of practice at City Center. Thank you, Central Abbott David Zimmerman for inviting me to co-lead this practice period with Tova Green and Eli Brown Stevenson.

[02:01]

We're on the home stretch. There's just a day and a half left. And I'm going to begin today by way of apology. Hopefully you can forgive me. We've got a bit of a problem in our Zen practice, and that's what we... tend to discuss things that are beyond words. It's kind of a compulsion that we have. I think it's really trying to capture the mystery of the unspoken. And of course, you can't capture a mystery. Anyway, I wanted to start by talking about silence, the silence that we make together. So forgive me for defiling the silence with words. It's said that the story of Zen began with a flower and a smile. One day, the Buddha went to give a Dharma talk and instead held up a flower.

[03:14]

His disciple Kashyapa smiled and the Buddha recognized the first ancestor. He said that he had transmitted the Dharma to the next generation with that act, with Kashyapa. And so it has continued from teacher to student for the last 2,500 years. This was a silent transmission, granted it was visual, but it was silent nonetheless. We think that we're doing nothing when we're sitting zazen, but actually we are doing something. We're producing silence. Silence isn't really something that modern capitalism values much. at least not in the same way that it values talking. Talking has value, especially ideas, advice and direction. They all have value in a way that silence does not. The silence that we produce here in the conference center together and in Sashin in general is different from the silence there is when there's no one in the room.

[04:27]

I've sat in the zendo next door alone, and the silence when we're all together has a different quality. It has a weight to it, a texture, a viscosity. It seems almost liquid. The silence that is made when multiple people are together intentionally making that silence has a charge to it. We're charging silence in our zazen practice. And of course, for me anyway, the silence has a companion and that's what's going on in my head. The chatter that's inside can be loud sometimes, overpowering the silence, so much sometimes that I don't even notice the silence. Please take the time to notice the silence. It's always in the background. It's made more powerful by the lack of movement in the room.

[05:34]

When someone moves, there's a rustle of fabric, but still the silence is in the background. The silence seems to have the most weight before the sun comes up. There's less background noise at this time. The birds are not yet awake. and there's less traffic. But the silence of daytime can tolerate the sounds of urban life. We say that the silence is broken, but it's just really added to. Silence can handle noise. It's still there, a backdrop, perhaps receded somewhat. But if you focus on it, it returns to the forefront. At night, and especially in the morning for some reason, its palpable weight has an effect on me. It seems to have a healing quality, a benevolence.

[06:37]

Of course, it is quiet, and it's also calming. Engagement with silence settles us. I seek it out, and it's always there. We care for silence. You sense people making an effort to protect it. In cultivating reverence, we make the silence sacred. I hope that you can carry some of this sacred silence into the world beyond Sesshin. Tomorrow, Tova will speak about Buddha's enlightenment. That's what we'll be celebrating in the morning ceremony in the Zendo when we go over there. So she gave me permission to talk about returning to the marketplace today. It's sort of a little early, but thank you, Tova, for letting me speak about that.

[07:41]

This, of course, is the last of the 10 Oxfordian pictures. The ox herding pictures are illustrations of the stages along the way to awakening that we've been studying for this practice period. In the final one, the ox herder is meeting with a corpulent, smiling bodhisattva named Hote, often referred to as the laughing Buddha. Both Hote and the ox herder have bags. Hote is said to be filled with good fortune for the needy. the infirm, and children. And by implication, so does the ox herders beg. Hote is a manifestation of Maitreya. As I mentioned during class on Monday, Maitreya is the future Buddha who's said to bring forth a period of goodwill and friendliness and is therefore a source of great inspiration as we practice in this troubled world.

[08:43]

I also mentioned that we have a ceremony here when people leave the temple. And during it, we say that they leave with gift bestowing hands. This is symbolized by the bag the ox herder has gift bestowing hands. So what are the gifts that we bestow? The 10th picture is really about relationship. By the end of tomorrow, we will have spent five days together in these tight quarters. This is in many ways a capsulization of what it is that we do living in Zen community. Living in community, we say, is important because we rub off the sharp edges of ourselves while in relationship with others. I had a friend who was going to Tassajara, which is our mountain monastery in the Ventana Wilderness, and he asked if I had any advice.

[09:48]

I told him to bring sensitivity protection. I knew, like me, he could be quite sensitive. And at a certain point, around the halfway mark in a three-month practice period, people can get quite sensitive and have conflicts. Of course, the conflicts get resolved one way or another. This is rubbing off the sharp edges of your character and learning to get along with people. Hopefully, one of the gifts is having come through this nicely polished like a stone from a polisher. You get along a little better afterwards. This is a gift. There's a new awareness. So here is a poem from John Dido Laurie's book on the Oxfordian pictures, and this one is for the 10th Oxfordian picture. Entering the marketplace, barefoot and unadorned, blissfully smiling, though covered with dust and ragged of clothes, using no supernatural power,

[11:03]

you bring the withered trees spontaneously to bloom. Blissfully smiling. Well, hopefully. Covered in dust and ragged of clothes, we enter the marketplace with humility and without supernatural powers. And that's sometimes hard to accept when going through what can sometimes be profound. uh realizations during session i had a vipassana teacher once who said people will ask you how it went on retreat just tell them it went okay don't he said try to tell them about any profound insights you may have had it won't come out accurately and the experience may be diminished somewhat we return to the marketplace with humility the gifts will come out without you trying and in ways that you won't expect.

[12:06]

Though this is the last of the Oxford in pictures, it's not the end of the path. The path goes on endlessly. This is an opportunity for more humility. You're probably not a finished Bodhisattva. Along the way, a different kind of relationship may have begun. You may have asked someone to be your teacher. During the monk leaving ceremony, the abbot and your teacher often will ask you a question, something along the lines of, what do you bring to the marketplace? And you get to answer it in any way you see fit. Step 10 in the Oxford in pictures is referred to as descending the mountain. This is because in China and Japan, monasteries and temples are often up a mountain. One goes up the mountain traditionally to study with a master.

[13:13]

And when you descend the mountain, it's because your training has been completed. It's interesting to live in the 21st century and have this option available to us, this master-student relationship. It's very medieval. and not available in most other areas of our modern world. It's different from being in school and having a teacher-student relationship where you leave each other after a semester or a term. It's not like a parent-child relationship either, although you may have to pass through some projection and confusion in this area at first in the relationship. For me, my relationship with my first teacher was a surprisingly intimate one, one of the first that I had in my life, especially if you have the opportunity to be Jiko. So Ellen was my Jiko today. The Jiko is the priest's attendant. I was my teacher's attendant for two years.

[14:19]

I would come to morning zazen every Thursday. I wasn't living in the temple at the time. To be in close proximity with another human being during a time of ritual is extremely rare and intimate. It opened up new pathways in me that benefited other relationships. Intimacy can be very restricted in our culture right now. And the particular kind you learn in Zen practice is very beneficial to the world. In order to be intimate with others, you need to be intimate with yourself. And Zazen helps us to do that. So make the most of these last few hours that we spend together in Zazen. As Dogen asked us to, we study the self in Zazen. So Dogen Zenji was our 13th century founder in Japan.

[15:21]

We look at the workings of the mind, and see that it is all impermanent. Even the most powerful products of the human mind arise, come into being, and fade away. And our teacher acts as a guide in this process of investigation. So I left my... You're not stuck forever with your teacher. We reached an impasse after a few years, but I had no illusion that my formal training was finished. So I started working with the teacher that I've had now for the last eight years at Satizen. In American Zen, you have what's called Jukai, which is lay ordination, where you make and receive a blue rakasu. That's early in the relationship if you choose to do so. So rakasus are these bibs that many of us are wearing.

[16:23]

You'll see there's blue ones, black ones, and brown ones, and occasionally you'll see a green one. Then for those who choose to do so after Jukai, there's priest ordination. Technically, you're a novice priest. That's what I am. This period in American Zen goes on for a long time. I've been a novice priest for 10 years. And this is quite common. At this stage, you're still under the supervision of your teacher. Although you can have students and perform marriages, you're not recognized as an independent teacher till you receive Dharma transmission. Then you can ordain students yourself and are no longer under your teacher's supervision. Dharma transmission is marked by the wearing of blue robes. So entering the market barefoot and unadorned, there's an ordinariness to the marketplace.

[17:26]

Although the path has been long and there've been many lessons along the way, many insights mean a full circle has been traveled and there's a deeper engagement with the everyday. Nothing special, said Suzuki Roshi. from the poem once again, using no superpower, you bring the withered trees spontaneously into bloom. I love this line. You don't know how having been in this session is going to affect yourself and other people. There are however, some tools that can be used to help you with gift bestowing hands. Michael McCord, on uh saturday gave a really great dharma talk uh so if you want in depth directions uh you can go back and listen to his talk i'm just going to quickly mention in finishing up here some of the tools that he mentioned michael referred to dogan's writing in the tenzo kyokun which are the directions for our cooks the uh

[18:43]

Temple and monastery schedule are arranged around eating times, and so the cook's position is a very important practice position, and the Tenzo Kyokun are our guide. There, Dogen mentions three minds needed to practice work successfully. These are joyful mind, parental mind, and magnanimous mind. The state of joy is always available to us. Suzuki Roshi said, just to be alive is enough. I try to remember this when I'm getting a little depressed or distressed about the sorry state the world is in sometimes. Just to be alive is enough. This is gratitude. And gratitude is the doorway to feeling joy. I'm alive.

[19:45]

I will not always be so, but I am right now. Parental mind. A close relative of this mind is grandmotherly mind, the mind of gentle caring and forgiveness, the nurturing mind, the understanding and compassionate mind. This also is always available to us. And finally, magnanimous mind. Magnanimous means generous and forgiving. Anyone who's worked in a kitchen with other people will know the need for forgiveness, both for yourself and the mistakes that you make, and for others. You're working under the clock and in a tight space. These three minds will help as you reenter the marketplace after the experience of this session.

[20:54]

Try to remember these minds. I will try to remember them as well. Thank you very much. them. Dharma gates are boundless. I vow to turn to them. Buddha's way is unsurpassable.

[21:59]

I vow to become

[22:03]

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