I feel very grateful right now to be breathing through two nostrils. A little fever, and it came on last night, and there's something going around. And so I'm trying to participate, pay attention. take care of this body. It was helpful this morning to do the downward dog and the yoga posture where you're inverting your torso. I cleared my sinuses a bit or my nasal passages, so I think I recommend that to any of you who are having some congestion.

[01:00]

A third day now, sitting under the Bodhi tree. Magnolia tree. We have a magnolia tree here in the courtyard. And I feel a little sick. But I usually feel sick in Sashin anyway. I feel, you know, drawing back out of usual activity. It always reminds me of when I was a little boy. when I had the measles. Do people still get the measles? No? How many people here have had the measles? Maybe about half. It's a big deal. It used to be a big deal getting the measles. Anyway, I remember kind of being kind of cooped up in a dark room for days, and I couldn't go out.

[02:09]

Looking out the window, I could see across the field, there was a place where the other kids were playing baseball. So there's a sense of quiet, being surrounded by activity. associate with being sick. And so here we are, being quiet, settling down in the midst of a busy city. It's quite apparent, you know, that there's traffic going on all around us. And even in the building, you know, people are working or having to take care of some things. So Mr. Jordan didn't make it back yet. He had to go to the dentist. Was concerned about a tooth falling apart. So this is a practice of sitting down under the Bodhi tree and finding out what it is when you don't add anything to what it is.

[03:33]

to have the confidence that you are already complete that you don't need to go someplace else and get something you don't need to really do anything except to take care of this right here I wanted to read a little from a talk from Suzuki Roshi tomorrow and the next day we will be Is that right? Today's the second. Yeah, tomorrow. And the next day we'll be doing memorial services for Ms. Suzuki Roshi. I think it's very important to study his teaching carefully. Understand his practice. So this I think is from a talk he gave in this room. a few months before he died in 1971, June 71, so, maybe about five months before he died, during a session.

[04:44]

Shikantaza. Zazen. Our Zazen is just to be ourselves. Just to be ourselves. We should not expect anything. So this may be already a little different than your usual idea of being yourself. Not expect anything. We should not expect anything and continue this practice forever. That is our way. Even in one of the finger, there's millions of xantis, of momentary units of time. We say moment after moment, but in actual practice, a moment is too long.

[05:57]

If we say moment, or we say one breath after another, Then you are still involved in thinking. Thinking to follow the breath. We say to follow breath. But the feeling is to live in each moment. If you live in each moment, you do not expect anything. And with everything, you become yourself. if you just strictly feel yourself without any idea of time even you feel yourself in the smallest particle of time that is Zazen so this speaking here of a very refined practice

[07:05]

Not such strength from the moment. Even knowing that the moment that you can conceive of contains many, many, many, many moments. So to be yourself completely in that is to not get involved in thinking of another moment. but to be completely dedicated and at home in this moment. And so he's suggesting, and says, even the same moment is not right. It's too long. Too big, kind of clumsy language. So this practice of Zazen is to be yourself without any expectation beyond this feeling, this experience.

[08:15]

Going on a little bit more, he said, if you are involved in any idea of time, various desires will start to act some mischief. Any idea of time, desires come up. In fact, any idea of having some other moment is desire. So even before, desire to have some, say, nameable desire that comes up. To have this... say yearning to move away from this moment that already is some desire and that already is the source he says mischief some mischief which is what Gautama Siddhartha was investigating mischief

[09:36]

How is it that mischief comes up? How do we get caught? So mischief is kind of a playful term for suffering, for causing trouble. But this is pretty strict to say, even if you have any idea of time, desires will start to act some mischief. So then he says, so this practice is not easy. So I think the third day of Sashin can have some maybe basic agreement with it not being easy. It may not look so difficult to sit down with yourself.

[10:40]

He says, this practice is not easy. Maybe you cannot continue this practice for even one period. To try to continue it for one period, you must make a big effort. So... what you will do for the rest of the five days is to extend this feeling this feeling to be prepared for shikantaza a feeling of being prepared for this being yourself so come back to that. But this is, he says, being prepared for this Shikantaza, to extend this practice for another period of time, eventually will be extended to everyday life.

[11:48]

This is to expose yourself as you are. You shouldn't try to be someone else. So that trying to be someone else is that one kind of mischief, a particular kind of mischief or trouble that you make for yourself. Trying to be someone else. Or idealizing someone else. So this is to expose yourself as you are. You shouldn't try to be someone else. You should be very honest with yourself and be brave enough to express yourself. Whatever people may say, it is all right. You should be just yourself. At least for your teacher, you should be just yourself.

[12:53]

So in that last line there, Then he continues talking about a teacher some, but you should be just yourself, at least for your teacher. Which is some recognition that there may be reasons for you to be afraid to be yourself. It's not so... safe sometimes to be yourself no matter what people may say so most of the time people are involved in managing ourselves to not expose ourselves so that we can be presentable your mother and your father wanted you to be presentable and so whatever their view of what presentable was was something that you carry actually still carry but you yourself in a complete strict sense are not just what

[14:29]

your mother and your father wanted you to present or whoever it was who was teaching you how to be presentable so this very intimate being a moment with yourself is something that we support we want to support in the Sangha. And this is the way that is beyond duality. Yesterday after the talk I gave Tanta and little Harriet Shusho asked me about how does this story relate to non-duality?

[15:34]

So there are many ways of entering non-duality. Of course you're already in non-duality but you don't notice it when you're involved in thinking about the next moment or some other place, or being in some other way than you already are. So, in this story, in the Yurok story I told yesterday, the first teaching was, be true to thyself. Be true to thyself. So it sounds like that's the same as this Shikantaza. Just be yourself. then as the story unfolds you realize that to be true to yourself means to completely dedicate yourself to someone else it's strange maybe how that works to be willing to go all the way with someone else to be willing to accept someone else completely

[16:53]

And in that, this being true to thyself, the self drops away. This is like Dogen saying, study the self. And in studying the self, you forget the self. And when the self drops away, then you are Confirmed by all the myriad things. So it's this matter of when we say be yourself, you may think there's a self. Suzuki Roshi says, well this shirikantaze is just to be yourself. Language leads you to think, oh, there's a self. But then when he says, there's no other moment, don't expect anything.

[18:04]

Don't expect another moment. Then that self drops away. There's no self that can survive the practice of being strictly limited to this moment. So how we work with it is to join with others. Like the story of Lehmann Pong, great Chinese Zen practitioner, Lehmann Pong. The whole Pong family was a little unusual, eccentric family. Lehmann Pong went out and gathered all his possessions together and put him in a boat. into the river and drilled holes in the bottom of the boat. Let the whole thing sink into the river.

[19:08]

People asked him, why didn't you just give them away to others, give them away your possessions? And he said, well, I didn't want them to be trouble for anyone else. Very compassionate action, right? And they went around us weaving and selling baskets on street corners to make their way. And then they would visit Zen centers in China. And one time, so he and his daughter had a very close relationship. And I don't know how old she was, but they went along and his daughter were walking along and they crossed over a little bridge, and as they came over the bridge, the layman pond, tripped on a elderly ground. And his daughter threw herself down beside him. And he said, what are you doing? And she said, I'm helping.

[20:12]

So they got up, brushed themselves off. He looks around and says, I'm glad no one saw us. So this is this, being willing to join someone, whether they're up or they're down. She was very quick. She was a very quick student of the Dharma. So fast, she preceded her father in death, right? People know that story, where she... Layman Phong said, okay, now I'm going to die. So I sat down to die and his daughter said, wait a minute, you have to go outside and see this flower that's blooming. I forget what she said. You've got to go outside and see this. So he went outside to see it and she went in and sat down in this place and died. I might not think that's so useful.

[21:28]

It's hard to evaluate that kind of practice. So the lame flamin' pong was stuck at the job of taking care of her body and doing services for her. It was a little annoying, I think, but he'd kind of set it up. he had created the karmic conditions in which then he would have this extra task. So in the Vinula Kirti Sutra, Vinula Kirti asks about How to enter non-duality. One of the kirti asks, and all these bodhisattvas give explanations and practices for how to enter non-duality.

[22:41]

There's over 30 different presentations of how to enter non-duality. for example one is when you think there is a Dharma path that implies that there is no path if you think there is a path then it implies there is no path which is dualistic so if you have any preference for path over no path then that's dualistic so you have to see that the path is no path. When you see that the path is no path, then that is entering the gate or door of non-duality. This is exactly what Suzuki Roshi was saying at the moment.

[23:47]

If you are willing to just stay at this moment, not expect another moment. Another moment implies path, right? It implies that there's someplace else to go. So seeing that there is no place to go, that the place to go is already here, that is doorway of non-duality. Another Bodhi Fatiha said there's if you have a preference for liberation over bondage, if you think that liberation is separate from bondage, that's dualistic. So you have to see that there is liberation in bondage. When you see there's liberation in bondage, then you're entering the door of non-duality.

[24:54]

So that really now reminds me of practicing with a vivid, you know, tangible form of bonding just being in prison. So working with Muddha Dvama Sangha in San Quentin, it became very clear to me that it's completely possible to be liberated in San Quentin. while in prison while under conditions where that you can't control where you only have a room that's six feet by eight feet by seven feet and two bunks and your celly cellmate and so there's the bunks take up almost half the space

[25:58]

And then in the corner there's a toilet with no seat. So over the years, these days I don't have the time to go to San Quentin so often, but over the years going there, working with the Buddha Dharma Sangha, It became clear to me because these practitioners were experiencing liberation. A first step for each one of them was to completely acknowledge their karma. To completely acknowledge and face all of the

[27:00]

karmic misdeeds that brought them to prison and to accept that now this was interesting because there was one time we had a Tibetan Lama that visited Tibetan Lama visiting at San Quentin and he made a lot of special arrangements for him to come in I forget his name right now but he he We had a meeting with some of the members of the Buddha Dharma Sangha in San Quentin. And he, the Buddha Lama said, he wasn't sure who was in the audience. He said, how many of you are prisoners? And just about everyone raised their hand. And he said, How many of you are not guilty?

[28:01]

And he was very surprised. No one raised their hand. And he said, when I go into prisons in India, everybody thinks they're not guilty. They think there's some mistake. They're there by mistake. And maybe that's true. He said, in India, maybe many people are in prison by mistake. But here, in this group, everyone has... Everyone is guilty. He was so surprised. And I was so proud. I was so proud of the group. I thought, this is wonderful. Everyone here is willing to say that they are liberated in the walls of San Quentin. So this is different than the Bob Dylan song, I Shall Be Released. there's someone someone here in this lonely crowd how'd they go?

[29:12]

a man who swears he's not to blame all day long he cries out loud that's the last line just crying out that he's been framed that he's been framed right Oh, God, he's been framed all the... Yeah, yeah. I see my light come shining from the west down to the east. Any day now, any day now, I shall be released. So... this whole whole idea of bondage then thinking oh there's some other time some other place to be released this is what one of these bodhisattvas is explaining to Vimalakirti as a door to non-duality and

[30:29]

That's still a good song though, isn't it? As long as you don't believe it. You can sing it wholeheartedly and don't believe it. Now I have to go back and learn the words. Maybe tomorrow I'll have the words. How do I do this? What's happening here? Sorry about that. so all these bodhisattvas explain these various ways of entering the door of non-duality and then Madhya Shri bodhisattva the bodhisattva of great wisdom comments that none of these will do none of these will do because they are all based on conceptions.

[31:32]

And only when you stop having conceptions, when you stop having words or phrases or syllables, do you enter non-duality. And then Mandusri asked Limala Kirti for his statement about how to enter non-duality. And Vimalakirti sits silently. And then Manjushri says, that's it. Vimalakirti's silence is the doorway of non-duality. So this is an inspiration for us to sit silently, to realize that anything that we put into words and conceptions is maybe useful if it helps us see how to redirect ourselves back to just this,

[32:59]

Just now. Just this now. No other moment. So Suzuki Roshi is saying in one snap of the finger millions of momentary units of time. Even following the breath he says It says we say follow the breath, that's good practice. Following the breath is good practice. But following the breath, you may be lagging behind it. I think the feeling is more being right, right with it actually entering into the breath. It's like if you are riding a horse. Those of you who are.

[34:05]

Writers. Know that if you're thinking about. How to handle the horse. Then the horse is way ahead. Of you. When I was. When I was a teenager. I was. Training a. Two year old. Colt and. I had a terrible time. And I. ruined probably ruined a good horse because i was always thinking about what to do right my first job training first time i was training a horse and i was too slow the horse was always ahead of me figuring out mischief So unfortunately, this horse, she learned every bad habit. She would turn around and go the way she wanted to go.

[35:11]

She would find a tree, head for a tree with low-hanging branches and try to scrape me off. She would head for a post and try to jam my leg into the post. She was really annoyed with having to deal with me. And... So what it wanted to though was that she was training me because for me to stick with it meant that I had to learn how to be right on top of her moves before she made them. And so we really had to battle it out to where I was I had to find an antidote or a corrective for every one of her bad moves. As soon as she thought about it, I had to be right there with the message.

[36:12]

No, no, you can't do that. No, no, you can't do that. No, no. So finally, I could write her. And she gave up. It was not easy. Unfortunately, no one else could write her. At least, no one I knew. I'm sure there are people who are better equestrians who could let her know right away that they weren't going to follow any mischief. So your mind is a little bit like that in Zazen. Your mind wants to go this way, mind wants to go that way. All of your old habits come up. So you may find that you have this kind of battle going on. And so you have to come back to this moment. Thinking, oh, you're thinking there's another moment. Before you are even aware of it, you're off there someplace else.

[37:17]

Then you have to kind of work the reins. Bring yourself back in. Okay, sit down right here. This is the place. This is the time. And the breath is a wonderful guide to that. So you can use the breath to bring yourself back to this moment. So following the breath is a good practice. It's a great threshold, doorway, touchstone into... Just being yourself. And then eventually it's like riding where you're completely in tune with the horse. You and the horse are one. There's no, then you don't even have to hold the reins.

[38:19]

You can let them go. And just a little flicker of the ear, you know exactly. You just shift your weight slightly. Imperceptibly. So the movement of being still is so subtle. Sitting still is actually returning moment by moment to this place where you already are. Until you can stop that effort. Until there's just the energy of this samadhi practice then becomes effortless. So tonight, after three days of sitting, for some of you anyway, you'll have some energy.

[39:21]

I'll see if I... being a little sick do I well I have any energy but tough I'd encourage those of you who can to after we leave the Zen though after we do the refuges to come back and sit even just a few minutes come back and sit for 10 minutes just to have that experience of of effortless sitting There's nobody that's going to keep in time or watching you. So there's a feeling of freedom in that. And as we go through the week, it's traditional to sit later, particularly the last night before we celebrate Enlightenment Day, which we'll celebrate on Saturday morning.

[40:31]

this is the willingness to just stay with this practice endlessly so I suggest that and also suggest that you take good care of yourself that you don't force it if you're not ready to sit up late then it won't if you force yourself because you have some idea you should do it that's not you So we have a schedule for session that should be pretty balanced. And even if you're having a terrible time. You can still do it. You can still do session. And. To find a way to stay. If you can't stay still. Then. Come back. It's actually quite an accomplishment to just stay on your spot for a week.

[41:38]

So this is basic Buddhist practice. And I think it's also the completion of Buddhist practice. Extending yourself by not going anywhere. being willing to not go anywhere forever. Thank you for listening.

[42:24]

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