Good morning. So for a group of us, interspersed among the larger group, this is the seventh day of a seven-day sushin. So it's the last day. Daigaku talked about this sushin last week, I'd like to continue the conversation, but maybe what it's like from the inside. I was thinking what it would be like for the people who are in the throes of this process to hear what I have to say about it. Would they recognize any part of it? It's a little hard to hear. It's muffled, your voice, from here. When I hear you, it's a more muffled sound of your voice. Is that the same for anyone else over there? I'm just asking, is that... Does it sound okay over there?

[01:07]

Yeah. Everyone else is nodding. I have special hearing. Yeah. Do you want to move to another location? Okay. In some ways, she... Is that any different? A little? Okay. You're welcome. In some ways the process of Shashin is indicative of the process of Zen practice. The consequence or the aspiration of Zen practice is very simple. Just be completely in the moment. now how to do that how to go through a process how to give over to a process how to learn from the process the alchemy of working with the challenges and difficulties of a human life you know that's quite an undertaking and and so that

[02:26]

Simple aspiration and the process that enables it is really the heart of Zen practice. And then we just build up around that. And in the spirit of Zen practice, you build up around that according to the situation, the circumstances, the people you're dealing with. In some ways, Zen practice doesn't... vary in principle from whether any one of us is working with post-traumatic stress or whether we're deeply settled and we're discovering what is it to be immersed in a deep concentration and unwind those more subtle ways of clinging and disconnecting. The process is the same throughout.

[03:28]

The first part of the process is setting up a supportive environment and committing to take on the process, to take on the request of the environment. The challenge for us as we enter in is that we will bring our distractions, we will bring the complications and challenges of our habit energy, of how we think, of how we feel, of how we act. To set up an environment, a way of practicing, an internal intention and an external supportive environment. And so in a way, a Zen center is attempting to be an external environment in which you can come that will resonate with your internal intention.

[04:43]

And then within that context, One of the initiating points is nothing special. Start where you are. It's not a matter of what should you be experiencing, it is what are you experiencing? What's happening here, right now? What thoughts, what feelings, what physical sensations, what memories of the past, what imaginings, what fantasies of the future? start making contact in any way and every way that you can. And how to let that be more of an agenda than what should happen or what should not happen. And in some ways this runs contrary to we want good things to happen and we want bad things to stop happening.

[05:54]

We want to suffer less And we want to be happier more. And we want it now. So there's a tension. There's a tension between the two. And so as we start to settle into Shashin, this starts to become evident. And then there's... A request, we start to experience a request which is something like, don't struggle with your struggling. Yes, there is a tension. But don't make matters worse. Try to see it rather than exacerbate it. Okay, you're having a hard time just sitting on your cushion, being present for what's happening. Can you be with that?

[07:03]

Rather than allowing it to create agitation, distress, disappointment. And as we're starting to settle, that's not so evident. We're sort of in the midst of it, but we're not quite seeing it as a characteristic. We're living it. And then, there are many techniques. In some ways, you could say, within the principles of this process, there's entering the moment right now, without hesitation, sudden enlightenment. And then there's gradual enlightenment. Just keep steadily practicing, you know.

[08:06]

Just keep steadily discovering how to be in your body. Just keep steadily discovering how to work with the barrage. How to notice the thoughts rather than get carried away by them. How to feel the feelings. But actually these two are totally interwoven. the gradual practice, hopefully, is peppered with moments of connection. So the two primary techniques I was offering with these, one was pause, notice. And in some ways, that's all there is to Zen practice. Pause, notice. and just keep doing that forever. But most of us need a little more guidance, structure, a few more details about how.

[09:18]

How do you pause and how do you notice? Pause, notice, acknowledge. Even on a cognitive level. Oh, that's what's going on. And then the development is, can the acknowledging, rather than move into my commentary, my judgment on what's going on, can it move into experiencing what's going on? Pause, notice, acknowledge, experience. So the poor people in Chishin had to hear that every day. Lessons will be repeated until learned. This is our life. Our life lessons will be repeated until learned.

[10:23]

And another technique I've been offering is working with the breath. with two attributes, two primary attributes. One is letting the abdomen soften. In this process of struggling, the tension between entering the moment on its terms and trying to bring our agendas to the moment. Here's what I want and here's what I don't want. and I'm going to make it happen. The tension between those two sets up its own kind of distress, its own kind of anxiety, its own kind of agitation. To let the abdomen soften so that we're not being caught up. Okay, just pause.

[11:32]

Let something... Grind itself. Let the moment not be so tense. Let it be experienced. And then the other technique, release with the exhale, closely aligned with the pausing, and soft belly, and allow with the inhale. There's two attributes, you know? Don't cling and don't resist. Don't grasp at life and don't try to push it away. So to explore that through breathing, to drop below our ideas about it, okay, that's a nice idea, but what is it to actualize the idea? What is it to

[12:35]

Engage it moment by moment by moment. It's a challenge and not an easy one. That's why we do sushin and spend all day working on that. Amazing. All day. And then get up the next day and do it again. And it's a very interesting thing to do because as you settle into it, the workings of who you are and what you are become more apparent. So it feels more like you're settling into unsettledness. to be willing to turn towards the intensity of your life, to be willing to turn towards the fire of your life, the challenge of your life, to turn towards the things that psychologically you're much more inclined to move around, to strategize so that you don't experience them, to not be willing to open to them when you are experiencing them.

[14:10]

The process of staying where you are and repeatedly opening and opening and opening quickens. It quickens the connection to these fundamental dispositions we have, agitations, distresses, anxieties, however you want to put them. traditional Buddhist language, it's called dukkha, which is a fairly broad term that covers all the different ways we're not quite saddled in the moment. And then there's a beautiful match. As we start to contact that, the pausing, the releasing make a whole lot more sense to us. it really would be a good idea to just loosen up a little bit, to let thine a little bit, to let the belly soften, to let something of this agitation start to loosen.

[15:39]

And then we start to see that some primary requests of our being that are being asked of us. Patience, diligence, and compassion. Don't get frustrated with things not being the way you want them. This is not what I want, okay? But what is it? Well, it's not what I want, okay? But what is it? Okay, this is what it is. And how long is it going to be this? I don't know. Compassion. This is not so easy to deal with. When you really start to strip away your defenses, when you start to open up deeply to watch your experience,

[16:42]

this painful stuff there. Can it be held tenderly? Can the self-critic in its blatant and subtle ways, can the self-hatred in its subtle and blatant ways be met with a steadiness, with a kindness? And then the discipline, the willingness, the fortitude, the courage to stick with it. So in Shashin, you have made a commitment to just keep going. And then the beautiful thing is the room is filled with all these other people who are just keeping going. And it's very interesting.

[17:47]

It's not so much, well, they're doing it, I'm going to do it. You start to feel a connection. A kindred spirit. It's not for nothing in spiritual traditions people start to call each other brother and sister. It's like... our collective dilemma, our collective challenge as humans, starts to become palpable. And as each of us takes it on, we support and inspire each other. There's a book by an author that I can't remember, but the book is called The General Theory of Love. And he works on the notion of the limbic system.

[18:49]

And saying that through the limbic system, this is how we make this kind of connection. Non-verbal, body-to-body, heart-to-heart connection. So sangha, practicing together, can be powerful ally in our process. And it's very much an attribute in the Zen tradition of how we engage our process. We do it together. And then as we continue this, almost despite ourselves, despite the seemingly endless ramblings and distractions and preoccupations and fantasies and relived memories and unfinished business, we actually start to settle. And it's like the world according to me and all the way it's being attended to and endorsed and energized starts to loosen up and the present moment

[20:08]

as it appears, starts to become more real, more vivid. It's not unusual, interesting, where interestingly, unexpectedly, and unintendedly, you drop into a moment of presence. And it's interesting. In a full moment of presence, it doesn't actually matter that much. what you're present for. But it vibrates. It has an authority. It has equality of being. And then usually you want to keep it around. How did I get back there? I'm really practicing. Finally I'm getting somewhere. and then the very grasping pushes away.

[21:12]

And that's just one of the learnings of awareness. But this shift, that the moment becomes more plausible as what's happening, and the story, according to me, of reality, of existence, of me, of everything else, starts to be less utterly convincing. And this is a very important shift because it enables a variety of things. One is we literally start to trust the moment more. We start to trust the process of practice more. But there are other things that start to come forth too. There's a way in which we start to see it's not inevitable that you're caught and trapped within your own stuff.

[22:22]

It's possible for that to crack open and something bigger, something more original to be experienced. The mysterious and marvelous thing about practice, and this is really evident in Sashim, this is not happening so much on a cognitive level. It's something underneath. Usually it comes in your willingness to sit still. where you're seeing your stuff, but you're not as distressed about it as you used to be. There's a little more resilience. And then there starts to be a glimmer of a very interesting Buddhist factor that has a Buddhist name called Pamoja, which is something close to optimism, but it's really...

[23:39]

a trust in the process of waking up. Usually, what we fully trust is what we want and what we don't want. So really want it, and that will help you to get it, and really hate it, and that will help to destroy it. And that is the formula for happiness and the end of suffering. But the process of Dharma, is see it for what it is and discover how not to get stuck in the karmic process. And as we start to taste that, it's like there's a relief within us. There's like a light bulb that lights up. Huh. And as I say, not so much cognitive, often it's more on a feeling level. There's a fundamental trust in a different way of being.

[24:45]

And it's very personal. You can read a thousand books about it. You can listen to a Dharma talk and think, oh, that really nailed it. You can look at someone else and say, look at them. They're just like... right on the money. There it is in living flesh. Those things are helpful. But at some point, to experience it in your own being, with your own being, being your own being. And this is one of the great offerings of Shashin. Actually, the great offerings of the practice of being in the moment. It draws you close to being your own being.

[25:52]

So as there starts to be a shift, and then usually in Shashin, you shift over, And then there's some ease. Sometimes there's a rising energy. Sometimes there's an enthusiasm and a gratitude. And then your habit energy sneaks in the back door and grasps you. And you leap right back into some of your best neuroses. I'm home. And unfortunately, you have all this capacity for attention and involvement, and you go to time. The schedule is like, okay, we know you're a little crazy right now, but let me just take you by the arm and keep you going forward.

[27:18]

I know you're right back in that deep sadness, that deep yearning, however it takes its shape. Be that as it may, when the bell rings, please stand up. and do walking meditation. Please chant. Please eat your breakfast. Please take a break. And then we can start to see this process that we're all in. open to the world. We open to life. We open to other people. And we close. We shut-eyed.

[28:22]

We contract. We suffer. But the practices started to create that kind of that kind of trust, that kind of optimism that allows us to look at it. And I quoted a poem where the poet says, like looking at a garden from the gate. It's like bearing witness on the human condition. This is deeply personal and it's also just what humans do. And in that process, it's like the way we agitate our agitation, the way we get anxious about our anxieties starts to loosen up.

[29:32]

And then you just got your plain old common agitation, anxieties, sadnesses, angers, desires. But we start to cultivate a kind of honesty. Okay. Yeah. That's how it is. There it is. That's what's going on for me. It ain't pretty. And along with a kind of curiosity. Let me look at that again. pausing and noticing. The way that person walked through the Zendo annoyed me. Wow. That's kind of amazing. They were just walking.

[30:35]

But I found it annoying. What was that about? Well, They were clunking their heels. And I think clunking their heels is wrong. Good Zen students don't clunk their heels when they walk. And I disapprove and find it annoying. So simple things come forth. And even though there's still agitation, even though there's still disturbance, it's like a curiosity. Isn't that something? It's almost like looking at a garden from the gate. Oh, look at the way they did that flower bed.

[31:39]

And they put in a fruit tree over there. And look, that triggered annoyance, and then I took that annoyance, and I brought up a memory that also annoys me. Well, that's creative. And then we keep watching, because now it's getting interesting. And then we notice attention shifts to the quality of light coming in the Zendo window. And something about it strikes us as beautiful. And a whole other way of being.

[32:45]

We move from a realm of being in an annoying place to being in a place that stirs us, that stirs up our gratitude, our appreciation. Isn't this a beautiful place? Isn't practice wonderful? Aren't these beautiful people I'm sitting with? So dedicated. I love every one of them. how we start to experience this rising and falling, this conditioned existence. This is what's going on all the time. And it's like it's just itself.

[33:52]

any kind of adjectives on it you like. You can wrap it up in any kind of understandings you like. But there's just the authority of its presence. There's just the authority of this is how it is to be a human being. Start to feel this request. Okay, then. You're one of these so-called human beings. And it does seem like you are here in this place, in this moment. Be it. Don't turn away from it. Don't go off into a dream.

[34:54]

Don't waste energy denying it, struggling with it, trying to insist it should be different. Open. Connect. Let what already is be what it is. So we glimpse this and then our habit energy says, no way. I'm not doing that. That would kill me. And I am not up for that. Did you say kill or cure? Good one. I like this guy. I was getting to that. Exactly.

[36:04]

Is this going to cure me or kill me? To experience the tenacity of our habit energy. To experience our ambivalence, our fear, our hesitation. Even when some part of us is saying, this is wonderful, this is the greatest, I am totally committed, are we done yet? Can I go home? I love Shashin. When's it over? And can that be welcomed in?

[37:09]

Okay. Yeah. There's ambivalence, there's hesitation. There's still some... some voice that says, What about me? And it's not so clear. It's not this cognitive process. It's more like a feeling. So we invite it in. We experience it. When it becomes agitating, we soften it, we meet it with soft belly.

[38:11]

When we're resisting it, we breathe it in with allowing inhale. When we're struggling with it and holding on to it, we release it with the exhale. Hundreds and hundreds of times. Actually, hundreds and thousands of times. from the morning through the afternoon to the evening. And we discover in the process some beautiful opportunities that you can start to pause. And not only can pausing be this virtuous discipline, pausing can be fun. You can pause and delight.

[39:17]

You can pause and just feel the pleasure of being in that moment. You can play with it. You can say, well, I think I'll stand in the courtyard where it's warm and there's pleasant sunshine and there's nice plants to look at. Fine. Start in the courtyard. Start by sitting in an easy chair with a cup of your favorite tea. And then carry it to more nondescript events. What about when you're just walking down the hall? And can you carry it in to just utilitarian aspects of your life? When you're just getting together your dinner, your breakfast. When you're just having a casual conversation.

[40:28]

And our practice starts to shift. from endless discipline to something closer to devotion. This is what I love. And it's not like those voices, those urges to leap back into other states of being are totally gone. When our capacity to not be so fooled, our capacity to not meet them with aversion, our capacity for patience, compassion, and kindness start to come forth. In fact, those things start to make more sense to us.

[41:40]

Yeah, patience does make sense. I am me. I should try to be patient with that. Well, you know, I don't have that much alternative, but other than being me, so I might as well get used to it. And I do suffer. You know, I do. Things happen, and I find it, experience them as hurtful, difficult. something ripens. And it's almost innocent in its manner. It's not such great complicated notions about the nature of what is. It's like now we're seeing dukkha.

[42:48]

and we're not frightened the way we used to be by it. It's like, yeah, it is true. And we start to discover the notion of refuge. We take refuge from suffering and we take refuge in. whether it's the pause and the moment of appreciation, of savoring, or whether it's seeing that we don't have to grasp and cling to our suffering. And one of the stories I recounted in the Sashim Yesterday, I think, seems like a long time ago, the Buddha is walking along and he says, this is a good place to build a sanctuary.

[44:05]

Indra puts a blade of grass in the ground and said, this sanctuary is built. When we pause, whatever is there, It can be a sanctuary. It can be the exhale. It can be the sensation in your body. It can be holding the hand of someone you love. It can be anything, a blade of grass. Something about law practice becomes an attractive proposition.

[45:10]

And now I'm going to speed up. I'm sorry. Someone said to me yesterday, I hope you're going to give us a pep talk by the end of sashim. We've got to go back out in the world. So I have to get to my tap talk. So I want to skim over these three things that really are a completely worthy contemplation. And the first one is, and these are called within, these are called the three gates of liberation. And the first gate is that we're not alone in this. And it's not just that we can sit together and do it, it's that we are interwoven. Our lives are intimately and thoroughly interconnected.

[46:21]

You know, in the realm of neuroscience, we're discovering not only is there limbic resonance But actually, I forget what they're called, but there's aspects of our brain that can literally pick up each other's feelings. Of course, we've known that forever, but now we can prove it with neuroscience. What are we spending most of our time doing? talking to somebody inside our own head. Being connected is incredibly important to us. But our sense of anxiety and distress separates us. So as we continue with our practice, starting to literally trust not just this one, but this one.

[47:32]

practice of opening and connecting. Opening and connecting not just to the perfect beloved that we know is out there somewhere for us. Our soul mate will totally get us and with them everything will be bliss. Maybe. Maybe not. But the same way that we can connect, not in perfecting me, but allowing me to reveal something about the nature of existence. That can join all existence. Every other one, every other one of us is an opportunity to experience that. And not only that, all existence is an opportunity to experience that.

[48:39]

And the notion of being separate from that is indeed just a notion. And it's not that this is some superhuman effort to accomplish. It's more about non-doing. It's more about undoing. It's more about being and receiving and engaging what is. So those are the three gates of liberation. The interconnectedness, the separateness is just a story we made up. And it's not a whole bunch of hard work to have this happen. It's actually already happening. It's more of a matter of stop doing all the hard work of insisting it's not happening. And then the marvelous, mysterious thing in Sashin.

[49:51]

One of the gifts of being a Dharma teacher and having the honor and privilege of leading a Sashin is you get to bear witness this process. Each person comes, shows you Buddha, shows you the one that's capable of being such a way. This is how it is. This is our human life. And it's not a process that happens in our cognitive process. You figure it out. Okay, I'm at step three. Now what's the next step? The image we use in Zen is like feeling your way forward in the dark. It's more like, okay, what am I feeling?

[51:02]

And then you take a step. And something happens. And then sometimes upon reflection, you think, oh, it was like that. Maybe. So here's my pep talk for those of you in Sushin. In some ways, there's nothing more difficult that a human being can take on than being completely themselves. It's a beautiful irony. And the great thing about taking on the most difficult thing then the other things are not so difficult. So with Zen practice, we say, that's impossible.

[52:12]

I'm going to take it on. Delusions are inexhaustible. I'm going to end them. Human beings, with all their agitation and distresses, And the fact that there's so many of them, I'm going to help every one of them. There's so many ways to enter the moment. There's so many ways to be present. There's so many manifestations. I'm going to go through every one of those gates. just going to be it and be it and be it. So now you've set yourself up for the impossible. All those other things, well, now there are lesser events.

[53:17]

There's something about being awed by the majesty, the opportunity of practice, that it reframes the trials and tribulations of our human life. Okay then, yeah, yes, there's still that. Well, if I can tackle the impossible, I could probably tackle that too. It's not about success and failure. It's something about heart. So let me end by Hefis's way of talking about it. He called this poem, you don't have to act crazy anymore.

[54:31]

You don't have to act crazy anymore. We all know you're good at that. Now I retire, my dear, from all the hard work you do of bringing pain to your sweet eyes and heart. Look in a clear mountain mirror. See the beautiful ancient warrior, the divine elements you always carry inside. that infuse this universe with sacred life and join with all existence. Thank you.

[55:17]

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