This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. yesterday I was talking about the practice of pause the the practice about of what it is the pause the narrative the inner dialogue that's expressing in that moment the intrigue of our subjective world the pause

[01:07]

and make contact. Pretty simple proposition and an endless practice. And I'd like to continue talking about that, quoting Zen Master Dogen. But before I do that, I'm going to start by reading a strange poem. conversation with a stone i knock at the stone's front door it's only me let me come in i've come out of pure curiosity only life can quench it i mean to stroll through your palace then go on calling on a leaf a drop of water i don't have much time My mortality should touch you.

[02:08]

I'm made of stone, said the stone. Go away. I knock on the stone's front door. It's only me. Let me come in. And here you have great empty halls inside you, unseen, their beauty in vain, soundless, not echoing anyone's steps. Admit you don't know them well yourself. Great and empty, true enough, says the stone, but there isn't any room. Beautiful, perhaps, but not to the taste of your poor senses. You may get to know me, but you'll never know me through and through. My whole surface is turned toward you, but my insides are turned away. You shall not enter, says the stone.

[03:15]

You lack the sense of taking part. No other sense can make up for that missing sense. Even sight heightened to become all seeing will do you no good without the sense of taking part. You shall not enter. You have only a sense of what should be. only its seed, imagination. If you don't believe me, said the stone, just ask the leaf. It will tell you the same. Just ask the drop of water. It will say what the leaf has said. And finally, ask her on your own head. I'm bursting with laughter. Yes, laughter, vast laughter, although I don't know how to laugh. I knock on the stone's front door. It's only me. Let me come in. We pause like we're knocking on the door of the moment.

[04:28]

Maybe without realizing some wish to experience but stay separate. And the moment says, there is no separation. There never has been. Okay, while you're baffled with that, I'll switch to Dogen Zenji's writing on the samadhi, the continuous contact with the self. What all the Buddhas and teachers have transmitted from all the Buddhas and the seven Buddhas is the samadhi of the state of experiencing the self.

[05:39]

This state is the eyes of Buddhist teachers. For this reason, Hoi Neng asks Nangaku, do you rely on practice and experience or not? Nangaku says, it is not that there is no practice and experience. It's just that it's impossible to mess it up, to taint it. Even though, given the way we are bound up inside the world according to me, and that's asking for a diligent practice. constancy of pause of lighting something open like we're knocking on the door of the moment even though it seems like there's something called the moment there's something called me

[07:08]

trying to get at the moment, get into the moment, be the moment. They've never been separate. It's not that we are trying to make something that isn't already there. It's more about realizing that they've never been separate. And yet, It requires an effort to do that. In several different places, Dogen quotes that very same story. In another place where he quotes it, he quotes Hoi Neng's response. Just this untainted state is what all the Buddhas guard.

[08:16]

You're also like this. I'm also like this. The ancestral teachers of India were like this. Dogen says, this is how the Dharma is communicated. This is how it's transmitted. something in that direct experiencing. It's like we punctuate the flow of our narrative. And even if we still stay separate from what's experienced in that moment, we're starting to glimpse. And the more we punctuate it, the more the solidity of that narrative starts to loosen up.

[09:28]

One of the analogies that's used in the Dharma is like... it's like the flow has turned to ice. The more we punctuate it, first of all, the ice starts to break up. Then there's moments of the world, according to me, completely solid and fixed. And then there's moments of the fluidity of direct experiencing, signs, sights. physical sensations, thoughts, feelings, memories, anticipations, all sort of flowing in and flowing through. The more we punctuate it, the more that flow starts to become apparent.

[10:29]

And all this is pointing at an instruction on how to sit, on how to cultivate awareness, on how to be awareness. And it's simply the practice of yes. The nature of our involvement is stepping out of the trance of the world according to me. It has some sense of effort, some sense of deliberate involvement to change something. So quite naturally it tends to flow through and whatever arises, we want to do something to it.

[11:37]

We want to affirm it as mindfulness. We want to affirm it as not mindfulness. Dogen goes on and he says, sometimes we see it completely, sometimes we half see it. Sometimes we're fully attentive, sometimes we're half attentive. After all, yes. Half attentive is exactly half attentive. Half seeing it is exactly half seeing it. What's happening now? Half seeing it. What's happening now? Half attentive. What's happening now? Experiencing the sound, but keeping

[12:38]

that inner dialogue close by so I can go right back to it. Because there's something urgent and pressing and determined about it. Whatever arises is our teacher. And that might seem like, well, but how are we ever going to get anywhere? If you're just... noticing this without shaping it and moving it in a particular direction, how is there going to be some settling, some concentration, some clarifying, some sense of energy in the body, some sense of continuous contact? It doesn't arise because we say so.

[13:42]

It doesn't arise because we want it. It doesn't arise because we're frustrated with our own distractions. It arises as the product of continuous contact. Yes, yes, yes, yes. When you notice your mind wandered, in that moment, there's already awareness. Notice the body of that moment. Maybe your posture has drifted a little off uprightness. Maybe there's a tightness in your shoulders, your face. Maybe your thumbs have drifted apart. Maybe your chest has closed a little. yes to any or all of that.

[14:49]

For good measure, Dogen throws in... I don't have a copy of it. He says, maybe you see a hairy Buddha Or maybe you see a demon with horns. So that's the moment's awareness, however it appears. Connect to whatever arises. So as we connect to the body that appears in the moment of noticing, then within connection, flowing with the connection, allowing uprightness to be re-established. So something of a deliberate effort, something of yes initiating the response to the moment.

[16:06]

Something of the moment defining their response rather than some notion of self some notion of practice separate from the moment so this is what we're looking at this is this is what we're exploring Oh the self is defining itself and defining the Dharma and defining the practice hmm The Dharma is arising out of the contact of the moment. And Dogen says, this is what has been taught by all the Buddhist teachers, by all the Zen teachers. So as we study the self, it becomes this... process of yes.

[17:14]

And recognizing that the inclination of our sincere effort, the inclination of our dedication is towards what should happen. I should be clear, I should be present, I should make continuous contact. I should be aware of the body so that there is a sense of energy. How strange it is that at the heart of the practice we hold on to none of those. We hold on to none of those, and as we make contact, they come forth out of the contact. This is trusting original mind.

[18:25]

The mind that isn't defined by the karmic conditioning, the preferences, the opinions of the self. So in Huineng, ask Nangaku. Do you rely on practice and realization? Or do you rely upon your own ideas? Do you rely upon what you think should happen and should not happen? Do you rely upon... your notion of what engaging a certain technique is like. So not to say that we don't involve ourselves in techniques.

[19:37]

Sitting upright is a technique. letting your abdomen relax so the breath becomes fuller. That's a technique. I recommend them both. But remembering that the engagement of a technique is like we're throwing a pebble in the pond of existence and the moment arises. however it arises. You let your abdomen relax and you feel a strong sense of sadness. You bring forth the effort to sit upright and your body feels bent and heavy.

[20:50]

You sincerely commit to staying present in the here and now, and you get engulfed in some intrigue. Okay? Be present. Don't add something else on top of it. Be present. Yes. It's like the coin, what is the sign of one hand clapping? One hand clapping isn't being resisted. It's allowed to just be the energy, the movement, the particular expression of what it is. Each moment, just like this, allowed to be the energy, the expression of just what it is.

[22:09]

And can we find that in our posture? Can we find that in our breath? Can we find that in how we make contact with our mental dispositions? Can we find that in the intersection between our effort and the arising in the moment? Can we find that in the intersection when our body starts to hurt and challenge that sense of spacious ease? Can there be, in that moment, a moment of yes? And when the answer is no, then we say yes to no.

[23:22]

Experience resisting. Experience what happens when the body contracts with discomfort, how it shifts our feeling of body, it sets a disturbance in our state of mind, and the imperative to move becomes stronger. Can there be continuous contact? the imagery. As we punctuate the block of ice, the frozen river, some of the fluidity, some of the interactive, ever-changing nature of existence starts to become apparent. And it takes expression

[24:28]

as the self. You start to see the activity of self in the moment. First of all, we just see the world according to self. And then as we start to settle, we start to see the activity of self and the world according to self. We start to see the transitioning back and forth. We start to see the inner landscape of our subjectivity. The mountains and rivers of our emotional life.

[25:33]

noticing when you feel inspired and dedicated, noticing when you feel sort of flat and disinterested, noticing when you feel serene, noticing when you feel upset. The landscape of our subjective life. As we make contact, we make contact with the product of our karmic conditioning. When we see it with clarity, we're making contact with the teaching of conditioned existence. As we make contact, we make contact with the self. its attributes, its tendencies, its habits, its desires, its aversions.

[26:51]

As we start to make contact with them, it's more like they become things. Like you notice a particular thought, feeling, you notice the topic that initiated it, you notice... How captivating it is, how appealing, how significant to your own psychology. You notice the weightiness of it. How persistent it is. How it weighs on your being with a certain authority. Okay? That's what's happening now. It just is what it is. It's like we're deeply cultivating the capacity to acknowledge and trust the person we are.

[28:00]

And we're giving it bondless space and affirmation. cannot step outside of conditioned existence. But we don't have to respond with no. No, I don't want this to be happening. So how to take this admonition? In just the same way, Hui Neng approaches Nangaku, asking him, okay, tell me how you make your effort.

[29:12]

I know you know the principles of what it is to practice. I know you're sincere. Tell me how you make your effort. Tell me. Tell me how you relate to practice and relate to being in the moment. Can you trust them? Can you rely on them more than you rely on the inner narrative? Than you rely on the things that you yearn for, the things that you worry about? with the apprehensions, whatever those characteristics of your makeup are, authoritative as they are within your subjective world, can your practice rely upon being in the moment? Can your practice be such that, yes,

[30:21]

holds all of that and allows it to be being in the moment. This is a request of practice. And Shashin offers us this wonderful moment. And when we rely on mindfulness, when we rely on awareness, we create a container, a presence, that can hold... But we don't grasp that as an idea. we simply, deliberately return to what's happening now.

[31:29]

We return to yes to this. And as we return to yes, naturally we discover no. Because the impulse to separate, the impulse to renew the narrative of me. It's persistent. So we persist with yes. We persist with opening and opening to now. And as we persist with opening and opening to now, this process takes care of itself. As we persist in opening to now, the authority of now accumulates.

[32:46]

Not because of our personal effort, but because of What is, always is. It's simply that the stories we insist upon in separating from it start to dissipate. Nangaku says, even though practice and realization are the way, the moment cannot be something other than what it already is. It can't be tainted. And Wai Ning says, you are this, I am this, and all the Buddhas and all the teachers are this. remembering remembering maybe remembering the concept the principle and discovering for ourselves with our own body with our own makeup how to let that principle initiate intimacy in the workings of our own being so that we discover within

[34:22]

the workings of our own being, yes. That we discover the workings within our own being of no. And how when no arises in the midst of our sincere effort, that we hold that with awareness. That it's not something to push away, to push against, to overcome. and to let these moments of connection come forth, and as they do, let them reveal. Let them reveal the patterns of self. Let them reveal the process of opening. And the suggestions I would make are like this.

[35:34]

Within zazen, connect to the sense of body. Within that sense of body, attend closely so that the subtle details of uprightness, the subtle details of opening, the subtle details of satellites, a parent and become an ally in staying present and carry them with you as you move from Zazen into all the other activities can you carry Zazen body into each activity not because you're trying to accomplish something not because you're trying to make something that isn't already present but just as an aid to realizing just that.

[36:41]

And when you find yourself all caught up in thought, when you find yourself wrapped up inside an adamant story, an intriguing story, an entertaining story, however, whatever your flavor of the moment, Can there be a long exhale? Releasing, releasing, releasing. Can the abdomen be allowed to soften? Coming back to a groundedness. Can this way of being body, this way of being breath, can it be intertwined with pausing and being in the moment. Can you make both of these practices and the practice of pausing something that's always close, something that's being dipped into?

[37:53]

And in those moments of connectedness, can you study... Maybe it softens how you look, so that there's more seeing than looking. Maybe it softens something in your breath. Maybe it releases something in the activity of mind. like holding still and letting the attributes of the moment teach you how to practice. Hoining says to Nangaku, do you let practice and realization be your teacher?

[38:56]

Do you rely upon them on how to discover what it is to practice? This is the way. This is the way it's always been. And then for each of us, given our own makeup. You know, I sometimes think in terms of learning process. You know, some people are auditory, some people are sensate, some people are visual. I feel like we learn the Dharma like that too. Something about your disposition. And can your effort be resilient? Can it not simply be what comes forth when you're feeling well rested, deeply dedicated, grateful?

[40:07]

Can your effort poke around when you're feeling grumpy, resentful, and whatever else comes up. Can you take a look at that too? Can you take a look when some little thing annoys you? How does annoyance feel? How is it in your body? Is it a sense of separation? What's the state of mind of annoyance? Is it pliable, resilient, adaptable? Can you turn the same incident around and look at it three different ways? Or is it determinedly one way? Pointing.

[41:25]

says Denan Gaku. Do you rely on practice and realization? This is the way. And Vislava Zamborski says, it's a little bit like knocking on a stone and saying, can I come in? and our own insistence on separation. Can we acknowledge that too? Yes to everything. We're not trying to narrow our experience down

[42:29]

into this narrow stream of purity. We're opening up so wide that everything is the way. Okay. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge And this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfzc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[43:17]

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