This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. You know, those of us who've been sitting now for a few weeks, I don't know about you guys, but I'm feeling quite tender today. already, and I can't help but feeling and seeing so many mistakes. I just feel like just making one mistake after the next. It's funny, the more you The more you feel, what?

[01:02]

The less you feel separate, I guess. You know, the more you've spent time with your own pain. You know, you really don't want to cause anybody else pain. And so when you even begin to feel that kind of separation, if you have, like, I saw somebody... saw somebody coming over here while I was coming over here, and I didn't know what time it was, and I thought the person was supposed to be sitting, so I had this thought in my mind, and it separated me from the person, and it just feels so bad. And so much difficulty comes from that kind of, if you don't catch that thought, so much can come from it, that's unfortunate. And so Kategori Roshi said, he said, when he was talking about right speech or kind speech, we talk about kind speech, he said right speech or kind speech was just shut up.

[02:17]

Don't say anything at all. And over and over again, I feel like really that's the, That's the best thing. So when we're in silence, it's like such a relief for me because every time I open my mouth, I'm like, oh my God. But anyway, but the great thing about our practice is that when that happens and that comes up, I don't beat myself up anymore. You know, I used to, when I used to, when I started practicing and I used to do something like that, it was like bloody all over the floor. It went on for days. You know, you stupid idiot. I'm going to swear. I mean, no, I won't swear. But you can imagine swearing. You stupid, da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Why did you... You just would go on and on, you know. So now that little being is... loved to death.

[03:20]

So she doesn't need to be heard that way anymore. And that's very much, I think, what our practice is really about, ultimately. We say, in a way, it's about waking up and so on. In a way, it's just like a carrot, sort of, to keep people going because, you know, really what it's about is just being nice to each other. I mean, if we were just nice to each other, we wouldn't, to ourselves first. You know, we wouldn't have to... That would be enough, wouldn't it? Everybody would be helping everybody. You know the story about the hungry ghosts? You know, hell, you know, hell is, everybody is at this fabulous dinner. It's a buffet. It's laid out. And there are these gigantic bowls of everything.

[04:26]

And, you know, people, but the utensil to eat with is this big spoon, this fork and spoon, but it's really big. So you pick it up, you can't get it into your mouth. And so all of these people, these hungry ghosts are sitting around there in hell. because they're starving to death because they have this gigantic buffet in front of them, but the only thing they have to eat it with are these large spoons, and they can't get it into their mouth, so they're hungry and complaining and not getting enough and everything. And in heaven, it's exactly the same thing. It's a big, huge buffet. The food is really terrific. There are all these people sitting around. They're the same gigantic spoons, but everybody's feeding the person across the table. So I wanted to start with a couple of things. One is we're beginning to chant something new for some people.

[05:30]

It's the Fukan Zazengi. It's also by Dogen. And it's an instruction for Zazen. And whenever I lead a retreat, I suggest that we chant always the Fukan Zazengi because it's a reminder. If you really are paying attention to that chant, although usually when we chant, you don't have to pay attention. You know, you just fully engage in the sound and the feeling in the body of just producing vibrations and energy and so on. But sometimes you can think, if you want to, of the chant that we're doing, and it's an instruction. It's us in instructions, and it's also practice instruction. His whole teaching is pretty much in the Fikonza Zengi. So that's what I like to chant. In the morning and then in the afternoon I like to chant, during lunch I like to chant the metta because sometimes we pay our little demon voice inside is not being friendly and so it's good halfway through the day to remember metta and you can give yourself loving kindness bathing.

[06:47]

Bathe in loving kindness. That's what I wanted to say. And the other thing I wanted to say was to talk about being late again, just because it's a terrific practice. And this is why. So one of the things I wanted to say today, to be clear, we're not about fixing anything here. We're not about getting perfect. We're not about changing anything. We're about waking up We're about being able to pay attention to things exactly the way they are without making more of it or less of it, without rejecting it, without making a drama. We're just wanting to see clearly. So I'm not making a judgment about you guys if you're late, but I am saying it's a really good thing to pay attention to. Because in my experience, when I'm late, pretty much 90% of the time, unless there's an unforeseen emergency, Like, 90% of the time, we're late because we want to do one other thing that my little self wants to do.

[07:58]

It's all about being selfish. I want to read just a little bit more of this article. I would like to listen a little bit more of that. I want to, you know, just finish sewing this, and then I will go. Just this one other, you know, just one half more block, and I will turn around and go back. And it's that little selfish moment that makes us late 90% of the time. And so what I want you to do, if that's the case, just pay attention to that because it's very interesting. Because what we're talking about here lately, the last few days, is this relationship between the whole and the difference, right? Same and different. And so I was going to talk about this. I might talk some. Oh, dear. It's so funny. And I write these things out, and then I never pay attention to what I'm writing here. Anyway, so that relationship of when we're an individual person and when we're the whole is something very important to pay attention to.

[09:09]

And I wanted to talk about it in terms of meetings. In Zen Center, we go to meetings a lot. And when we're in a meeting, this whole thing about the relationship of self-personhood and groupness is very clear there. So, for example, if you're in a meeting and you have a particular idea about something and you have this belief that you're right about something and you put it forward, or even if you're having some difficulty inside, some extra energy or whatever, It's really good to notice what is happening to you as an individual. And sometimes we have to stop and take care of ourselves as an individual. Put your idea forward, not with a lot of energy, but because you really feel you need to say this right now, for example. Or stop and take care of that energy before you actually say something which is a lot more skillful. But sometimes it's not appropriate to take care of yourself and your opinion at that moment.

[10:12]

It's really more important to take care of the meeting at that moment. It's more important to notice the flow of the meeting or the energy of the meeting or what actually is happening with the whole instead of just what's happening with you. So when we're in meetings, this whole dynamic between the group, Because we're both. We're an individual, but when we're in a meeting, we're also the meeting. And sometimes we only take care of the self instead of myself as the meeting. You understand what I'm saying? It's not that big. So it's just very interesting. So you're here in retreat. You're taking care of yourself individually, but you're also taking care of the retreat. So when you begin to come a little bit late... At that moment, you need to think of yourself as the retreat, not as someone who needs to smell the flower along the way.

[11:16]

You need to think of yourself as the group and be on time. So it's really, you know, you're both. We're not just an individual. We're an individual and we are the retreat, each one of us. So that's how I'd like you to notice, just notice when the time comes to be, put your body wherever it is that you're supposed to be putting your body. So with all that said, I wanted to welcome you to retreat. And even if we are living in a Buddhist community, it's still very rare opportunity to stop the way we've been stopping and create this container of silence, which to me, as I keep saying, is the most important part of the container, this really maintaining the silence, deep silence within that mirrors that mind and gives everybody space to go through their own event.

[12:31]

very rare that we get to do that. So please remind yourself of your own commitment, your own intention, why you're here, why you've come, why you took some time out of Zen Center's busyness and decided to do this because it's very helpful to re-remember your intention, whether it's to find the truth of your own nature, whether it's just that you don't want to suffer anymore, whether it's you have some particular question that you're interested in, whatever it is, remind yourself and recommit for the next now four days, because it's almost at the end of this day, so we only have Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Only four days. And I would suggest, on top of your own commitment, whatever that particular thing is, is that you... Thank you.

[13:58]

So, don't lose it, don't lose it, don't lose it. Yes. You know, we've been studying this business about being present. And so, along with your own personal commitment, I'd like you to really consider, like, even more than I know you already have, right? But now, this is the kind of when you can really... What am I trying to say here? Everything, you're sitting more, so everything now is set up for you to make a decision to be present in the current activity, 100% attentive, full commitment to the actual activity that you're doing at hand. whether it's sitting, whether it's walking, whether it's cleaning, whether it's working in the kitchen, whether it's going to the bathroom, whatever it is that for the next four and a little bit days, you actually decide that you're going to let go of past and future is what we've been talking about.

[15:16]

Let your mind not go to the past. If the past comes up, take care of it with rain. For those who haven't been here, it's just recognize what's happening, acknowledge it. You can name it. Go and feel the sensations in the body that that thought brought you. Wait and breathe until the body reestablishes openness and ease. And don't identify with what just happened. It was just a passing event. Come back to the activity. So if the past comes up in the present moment, process it with RAINN. But don't go to the past. And the same thing with the future. If the future happens to come up, fine. Process it in the present moment. But don't let your mind go to the future. Stay in your body in the present moment for the next four and a little bit days. Make that commitment to yourself.

[16:19]

Why not? What else are you here for? Try. And whenever you can't do that, acknowledge it. No judgment necessary. Only have to see what's happening. Don't have to change anything. But when you wake up, you're back already. Just come back to the activity. There's a great teaching that I happen to love. Those of you who know me have heard this before, but I'll say it again. It's called, I call it, Just Suggest. But the real name of it is called The Story of Bahia and the Bark something. The Bark. The Bark. Bahia and the Bark. Anyway, it's in Udana number, I think, 10, I think it is. And I love this story and I love this teaching and it's very short so I want to share it with you and it's about being present completely.

[17:24]

So the story is there's a ruler that's in the time of the Buddha. And there's a ruler in a little, small, not a great ruler, a medium-sized or smallish ruler, but he does have responsibilities. He's building infrastructure. He's making schools, hospitals, clinics. He's got a lot of stuff on his mind. He goes to a lot of meetings. And he tries, he's a really good ruler, and he tries to make the people of his community happy. And he's doing all this stuff to support them. And he notices that actually, even though he's trying as hard as he can, they're not happy. And he doesn't understand why. And his minister one day comes to him and says, well, you know, there's this guy. He's supposed to be really good. He's a Sita. His name is Siddhartha Gautama. You know, he's not far away.

[18:26]

Maybe you go there and you ask him. He's supposed to know a lot about suffering and the end of suffering. That's what I've heard. I don't know for sure, but it's a good chance. So why don't you go there? It's only like a three-hour horse ride away. Ask him your question. It's enough time to come back for dinner. So he thinks about it. He thinks, okay, tomorrow, let's go. Give me, you know, set up my horse for tomorrow. I'll go there and I'll ask him a question. So he does. The next morning, wakes up, gets on his horse. Beautiful horse. You know, those kind of horses with those proud... They're so great. You know, with energy, that kind of energy. Anybody ride horses? Yeah. Fabulous animals. So he gets on his horse. It's one of those... great horses, and he goes, you know, two, three-hour ride, and he meets the Buddhas coming out just right after breakfast.

[19:27]

He's coming out of his collecting alms for breakfast, and he gallops up to him, and he pulls his horse, and he jumps off his horse, and he says, well, are you the Buddha? Are you, you know, Gautama Siddhartha Gautama? And he says, well, yes, you know, who are you? He says, well... I am a ruler in a not very far away kingdom and I try to do my best with people and I try to make it so they're not suffering and I'm not necessarily succeeding in this. I really care about it and I hear that you know something about suffering and the end of suffering. Give me a teaching. Tell me about it. And the Buddha said, well, I'm really glad you're interested but I just came out of the alms realm for breakfast and I'm I have, in fact, my breakfast in the bowl. Could you wait a minute and I'll talk to you in a little bit? And the guy says, actually, no. I've got a lot of responsibility. I have to be back at a certain time.

[20:28]

Can't you just tell me something and we'll call it a day? And the Buddha says, well, I appreciate your determination and intensity about this, but come on, you know. You know, I'm going to give a lecture in a little bit. Just go over to where the, you know, thousand monks are gathered, listening, you know, waiting for me to talk. You sit down over there. You know, you listen to my teaching like everybody else. Well, he says, you know, I appreciate that and thank you for suggesting it. But, you know, I really have to go. You know, just something, a sentence, anything. And then the Buddha says, gosh, you know, pushy guy but I don't know you know maybe and then the guy says you know Buddha you never know when you're going to die you know this may be the last time for me to hear the teaching tell me something short and the Buddha says well when you put it that way you know it's true we don't know when we're going to die and um

[21:38]

You know, I'm here to give the teachings. That's my life. You want the teaching? Here it goes. Sit down. I'll tell you something. Sits down. Buddha sits down. And this is what he says. Now, let's see if I can remember it. But he... when for you there will be just the scene in the scene, and when for you there will be just the herd in the herd, and when for you there will be just the thought or the cognized, just the thought in the thought.

[22:41]

There will be no here and no there and no in between. And that will be the end of suffering. When for you, there will be just the herd in the herd. And when for you, there will be just the scene in the scene. And when for you there will be just the thought in the thought, and when for you there will be just the feeling in the feeling and nothing extra, then there will be no here and no there and no in between. And this bahia will be the end of suffering.

[24:03]

And the end of the story is that bahia got back on his horse, and as he was riding away, the horse was gored by a bull. And Bahia was thrown off the ball and he died. So we actually don't know when we're going to die. And we might as well make a commitment to just, just be present. It's simple. It's not easy. It takes courage. It takes patience. It takes gentleness. It takes honesty. It takes commitment to the activity of the present moment. And then see what prevents you from just being here. You know, I know some people here, and I know the kind of courage that it has taken them.

[25:27]

practice. So I know that it's possible. I know the kind of suffering that I had. So I know that it is possible. But it starts with a real commitment to yourself to stay in the activity of the present moment. And we have this rare opportunity of the next four and a half days make this commitment. So I'm encouraging you to do that. And then I wanted to tell you one more story. We've been studying Uji, which means being time. And it is the

[26:32]

necessary explanation of time that allows Dogen the extraordinary insight that is the basis of our practice, which is that practice and realization are one. And it is because we are already Buddha, mind, that we can wake up at all. And so this teaching is good news. It's very good news. Because what he's saying here really is that the means and the end are the same. So I wanted to tell you a story about the means and the ends being the same. You know, in the beginning when we hear this teaching, we don't believe it. We don't believe that we have, we are, we are Buddha mind.

[27:39]

Even though we say in faith that we are Buddha, we practice this way, we don't believe it. With good reason. All kinds of, what do you call it when you're in a trial? Evidence. all kinds of evidence points, we think, to the fact that we are not Buddha. We are not Buddha mind. But actually it's true. And we are Buddha. Exactly the way we are. And that's why we don't have to fix anything. We only have to uncover. We have to be stripped. We have to surrender our story of me. And if you notice, we have this story. It's a story of me. It's like a narrative, and we are the star of our own story of me. The thing is, it's always, almost always, it's like a story about suffering.

[28:45]

But still, we're determined to star in it. I mean, when you think about it, it's kind of funny. I think it's funny. I guess you guys don't think it's funny. Everything's always about me. I want this. I want that. It should be this way. I think it should be that way. I believe this. I don't believe that. So we don't have to fix that. All we have to do is see clearly how it works and how it is suffering and then have the courage to let it go. to not grab on. That's all it takes. So here's a story about the means and the ends are the same. So a long time ago, a really long time ago, when I was 20, so that's 48 years ago.

[29:57]

So this is history for most of you, many of you, some of you, a few of you. I was going to school in, it was 1964, and I was going to school in UC Berkeley, and I was listening to the news, of course, and the news at the time was all about civil rights movement and freedom riders and things that were happening in the South and so on, and I'd already been somewhat involved with some things like that here in San Francisco at the Sheraton Palace. It was the first demonstration for hiring equality in hotels in San Francisco, which is how I got to the jail over there that I told you about before. In the spring of 64, a very interesting thing happened.

[30:59]

People from the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee, called SNCC for short, decided mostly Robert Moses or Bob Moses who from my point of view is a saint. He was one of the leaders of SNCC and they were working in Mississippi and Mississippi was one of the entrenched places for segregation in the United States. A certain kind of segregation at that time. And what they were doing there, which was trying to register people to vote, was not working, and they were being violently prevented from registering voters and basically doing democracy. And they had this idea, which is really a horrible idea, but it worked, and it was appropriate and brilliant. And what the idea was was that if it was only people who were African American or Negro at the time working in the South, nobody was going to pay any attention, even if there was great violence, which in some ways is still happening.

[32:18]

So the idea that they had, which was really impressive, was what they said was, or they did was, They decided to come to elite colleges where middle-class white kids were going, and they would ask them to come to the South and be involved in this activity. And then if something happened to them, some people would pay attention. So... You know, that in itself is a statement. But anyway, it was true. So these terrific people came to Berkeley and to Harvard and to various other, Stanford and other schools around the country, and they were explaining to people, students there, what they were doing, and they asked for people to come down.

[33:24]

So as I'd already been involved in some of this kind of activity, I was interested in what they were doing and I signed up to go. And so between the spring and when I was supposed to go down there, I had to have a very clear talk with myself about means and ends. Because what we were going to be trained to do is to be trained in non-violent response. which is the same thing that we do in our practice. So while you are sitting and while you are practicing and something arises in you that you make a judgment about, it is not our way to be violent to yourself. It is our way to be gentle, to be understanding, to be kind. That is our practice. So it was a real question to me.

[34:29]

If somebody... If a friend of mine was in a clinic in Mississippi, this is actually true, my examples, was a clinic in Mississippi because he had to go to a clinic and he was being threatened, how would you respond? Or if you had spent the whole summer making a community center of one long room and people were coming around shooting at it, were you going to have a gun and shoot back? Or if you were trying to register somebody to vote and you were confronted with some kind of violent response, were you going to be able to not do anything? And the question was, is

[35:30]

registering voters and making a democracy worth responding in a violent way is the end of worth the violence? Or was how you were doing it creating the end result? Am I saying this correctly? You know what I mean? So you don't know. You can think about it and you can think about it, but you don't actually know. So I finally decided that that was my really time when I really decided. And what I decided was that the ends do not justify the means and that how it is that we

[36:33]

Practice day to day is the end, just like Dogen is saying. Practice and realization are the same. There is no difference. You can't practice now and think that the end is going to happen sometime later. You can't not be fully engaged in the activity of the moment and think sometime later there's going to be some result. That's different than how you are in this present moment. How it is that we practice now is a possibility, is realization on this moment, fully committed, 100% here. So I looked up what I was talking about the other day.

[37:36]

I looked it up and here's the quote. It's in the Dhammapada. And it is from the Buddha. And this is what he says. Hatred never ends through hatred. Only by love alone does it end. This is an ancient truth. So it's on each activity that we are free or bound. There's no such thing as an enlightened person. Only enlightened activity. on each moment, with each activity bound or free. It is Buddha's activity. But until we practice, it cannot be realized. And if it is not realized, it isn't manifest. There is only now.

[38:40]

This is the time. There is no other time. So I'm hoping that you make your commitment to yourself and as an individual, but also that you make a commitment to the whole. and that we all together practice the Buddha way together these next few days, not so long. With gentleness, kindness, strict, if you need it, honesty, courage, patience, continuity of being present. This is our way.

[39:53]

Ordinary day-to-day. It was category would say days-to-days. I don't know why he said it that way. Days-to-days are not in any way. Just ordinary day-to-day. All together. Okay. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[40:39]

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