They're here on this foggy San Francisco morning, so welcome to Zen Center. So this is an African folktale called The Monster Who Grows Small. Far to the south, beyond the third waterfall, a certain boy lived with his uncle. His uncle was called the Brave One because he was a great hunter. And he would kill big animals. And the uncle was ashamed of his nephew because he thought he was a coward. He would tell his nephew stories about the monsters that lived in the forest. And of course the boy believed him because wasn't his uncle the brave one, the great hunter? And so the boy was afraid of everything. He was afraid of the crocodiles in the river. He was afraid of the snakes in the grass, even the smallest insects. But the thing he was most afraid of was the path that led from their hut to the village.

[01:05]

And when he would run along this path, he would run very quickly. Well, it so happened that one day, he was running along the path, and he heard a voice crying for help in the forest. And the boy plugged his ears and ran even faster. But then he listened to his heart. And his heart said to him, you know what it is to be afraid. That being sounds even more frightened than you are. Shouldn't you stop and help? And so, without hesitation, the boy plunged into the forest. And there he found a tiny hare that had caught her paw in the tangles of the brambles. And so he got her loose and held her in her lap, comforting her. And she said to him, you must be very brave indeed to have come and helped me. And the little boy said, you know, that's funny because actually I'm called Miobe, the frightened one.

[02:07]

And the hare said, nevertheless, you've shown great bravery here. What is it that you're so afraid of? And the boy said, I'm afraid of everything. I'm afraid of the thatch in our roof. My uncle says it's just mice and lizards in the thatch. but I'm sure it's something much, much worse than that. And so the hare said to him, well, what you need is a house three cubits thick. And that's thick because a cubit is from here to here. And the boy said, well, that wouldn't do any good because if there are no windows, I would be afraid of the dark. And if there were windows, I would be afraid of whatever might crawl in. So the hare said to him, well, what is it that you would like most of all? And the boy said, what I would like is courage, but I suppose that's not something you can give me. And the boy said, now that you know I'm the frightened one, I guess you know that I can't be of much help. But if you'd like me to take you home, I'd be happy to see you safely on your way.

[03:10]

And the rabbit said, I can't do that. We can't go there because I live on the moon. But I would like to give you a gift. I can't give you courage, but I will show you how to find it. And so the hare said to the boy, here's a dagger to protect yourself. Follow this road and you will find your courage. And the boy said, but what if I become afraid? And the hare said, if you become afraid, look up at the moon and I'll tell you what to do. And so the boy started on his way. And when he came to the river, he saw the crocodiles in the water and he was afraid. But he remembered what the hare had told him. So he looked up at the moon. And he knew exactly what to say. He grabbed his dagger in his hand and he said to the crocodiles, if you want to die, come and attack me right now. And he jumped into the water. And the crocodiles were quite surprised how afraid they were of this skinny little boy. So to maintain their dignity, they decided he wouldn't make much of a meal.

[04:14]

So they swam away. And the boy swam across the river and came out the other side. He went a little bit further and soon he came to a place where he could hear. the snakes rustling in the grass. And the snakes called out to him, take one more step and we will eat you. So once again, we all be looked up at the moon and he said to the snakes, all great and intelligent serpents. Surely I would not make more than a good meal for one of you. Shouldn't you decide between the two of you by which of you I'm to have the honor of being eaten? And the snakes began arguing with one another about who that might be. And while they were fighting, Miyobi slipped away. Now he was so cheerful that he was whistling. But soon he came to a village. And in the village, he heard cries. The women were crying. The men were crying. The children were crying. Even the goats were bleeding. And so Miyobi made his way to the hut of the head man.

[05:15]

And the head man was sitting cross-legged in his hut. with his face and body covered with ashes. And Miobi said to the head man, what is wrong? Why is everyone crying? And the head man said, you would cry too. She knew you were going to be eaten by a monster. And Miobi said, well, where is this monster? What does it look like? And the head man said, the monster is at the top of the hill at the edge of the village. And it has the head of a crocodile and the body of a hippopotamus and the tail of a large snake. Not only that, but it breathes fire. Now, to Miobe's amazement, he said, well, I will try to find the monster and kill it for you if you think it would help. And the head man said, well, you are very wise because that way you will get eaten first and then you don't have to wait around. So Miobe made his way to the hill and he looked up and high on that hill was exactly as the head man had said, a monster, a huge monster, breathing fire.

[06:16]

And Miobe knew that if he looked at the monster, he wouldn't be able to do what he was about to do. So he clutched his dagger in his hand, and he started up the hill with his eyes closed. But he couldn't help it. He got halfway up, and he looked at the monster, and it scared him to death, so he turned around and ran back. But he noticed an unusual thing. Standing at the foot of the hill, the monster was surely three times as big as the royal barge. But the closer Miobe had gotten to it, it became smaller, about the size of one royal barge. That was very curious to him. So at the bottom of the hill, he steeled his reserve, closed his eyes and started up again and ran all the way to the top of the hill. I'm sure the rabbit was helping him. And when he got to the top, he couldn't see anything that needed to be killed. But he felt something warm leaning against his foot. And he looked down and there was the monster. It had the head of a crocodile the body of a hippopotamus and the tail of a snake, but it was no bigger than a frog.

[07:22]

So Miobi picked it up, and it was really only comfortably warm in his hand, and he petted it. It made a purring sound, like the sound of a simmering pot. And Miobi watched the little monsters that went to sleep, and he thought, I could take this monster home and use it to start my cooking fires. So he started down the hill. And when he got to the bottom of the hill, there were the villagers. They were cheering him and calling him a hero and admiring him and saying that he'd killed the monster. And now Miobe became very embarrassed. And he said, I didn't kill the monster. I'm taking it home as a pet. And everyone looked at the monster. And a little girl said to Miobe, what is the monster's name? And Miobe said, you know, I didn't ask it. And he held the monster up and the monster looked all around. to make sure everyone was listening. And the monster said, some people call me famine. Some people call me pestilence.

[08:23]

The most pitiable of all human beings call me by their own names. But most people call me what might happen. The monster grew small. Over the last eight years, Zen Center has been offering in this room on Monday evenings a gathering for people in 12-step recovery. And this group is led by Buddhist practitioners who have found that Buddhist practice together with 12-step work can be very helpful for people with problems around addictive behavior. There is a spiritual tradition of anonymity in 12-step work. at the level of press, radio, and screen. But I think today I could talk with you in a general way about the 12 steps and about their reflection in Buddhist practice. For the last three days, we've had a retreat here for people in recovery, and today's the last day of our retreat.

[09:30]

So the Buddha said, I teach about suffering and about an end to suffering. And 12-step programs offer a a vital and practical guide to help people struggling with addiction to come to understand the causes and conditions and results of their addictive behavior. And addiction can include any kind of habitual behavior that is life-damaging or even life-threatening, a behavior that a person continues to engage in despite negative consequences. And this can include substance abuse, of course, but also relationships, gambling, video games, the internet, many, many things. Even religion, if it's basically harmful to ourselves or others. And the dictionary describes an addict as someone who devotes him or herself habitually or compulsively to something.

[10:36]

And it is difficult, if not impossible, for somebody who's dealing with the debilitating distraction of addiction to step onto the Buddha path. And this is because addictions are so compulsive and so they sort of obscure the reasons, the things that we mean to do with our lives. And so a person may start engaging in addictive behavior because at the beginning, those behaviors make them feel more alive, more connected to people. Everything is just more. And as the addiction continues, just the opposite occurs. Everything is swept away. And the person often ends up quite isolated and alone with a compulsion that they no longer want to engage in. So... Recovery from these behaviors often begins when a person hits bottom, is the expression.

[11:41]

And this is when someone has an insight or a collection of insights that the way they're living is killing them and hurting the people that they love. This insight or moment of clarity can be accompanied by a little sliver of hope that there might be another way to live. And, you know, I've heard it said religion is for people... who don't want to go to hell, and spirituality is for people who've been there and don't want to go back. And the 12 steps are a way out of that kind of hell for people who find it. So I'd like to tell you a little bit of history about the 12 steps. I'm sure some of you know this history, but the 12 steps began with Alcoholics Anonymous in 1935, and an American stockbroker named Bill Wilson was... who, after many failed attempts, had managed to stay sober from alcohol for a time. And he was on a business trip in Akron, Ohio.

[12:42]

And he was walking through the lobby of a hotel, and he heard the sounds coming from the bar of clinking glasses and laughing people and the kind of very familiar setting that he'd spent so much time in. And he had this profound intuition that... He was in danger of drinking again. And so, with the help of a local church, this intuition involved the fact that he knew that if he didn't quickly find and speak to another suffering alcoholic, that he would drink again. And so, with the help of a local church, he found this man. His name was Dr. Bob Smith. He was a physician. And the next day, Bill Wilson met with Dr. Bob, and they talked for several hours. And... We can't know exactly what happened in that conversation, but Bill Wilson shared his own experience with his addiction with Dr. Bob. And neither one of them ever drank again.

[13:44]

Between the two of them and with the people that began to gather around them, they began to develop these 12 steps of recovery. And I can't go into all the steps right now, but... they, through trial and error, they figured out a way to help people stop drinking one day at a time. And it's important, you know, there's so many programs now that use these 12 steps of recovery. In the 1930s, it was sort of a secret society, but now it's very well known in mainstream culture. And yet it's important to remember that all of these 12-step programs can be traced back to a simple conversation between two men 73 years ago. So this is the lineage of the 12 steps that one suffering being sharing his experience, strength and hope can help another. And now there are chapters of Alcoholics Anonymous in over 180 countries.

[14:49]

And as I say, many groups have used the 12 steps to address other problems and really importantly to help families recover too. You know, I think of children growing up in homes where addictions are occurring. And there are even meetings for those children to get support around the issues that come up in their home. This simple realization of the transformative power of one person helping another is at the heart of all these 12-step programs. That one person can reach out from the heart and help another being. And in doing that, both people are helped. This is, you know, in the words of St. Francis, it is in giving that we receive. It is in comforting that we are comforted. And of course, this is also the Bodhisattva path, the Bodhisattva vow to live for the benefit of all beings. To hear the cries of the world, like little Miobe, this person is frightened.

[15:55]

You know what it is to be frightened. Why don't you stop and help? So that's the cries of the world asking us to open up our hearts to one another. Andre de Boos has died, but he was an American fiction writer. And he had an experience where he stopped to help someone change a flat tire on the highway, and he was hit by a car and was paralyzed for all of his adult life. And I heard an interviewer ask him, do you ever ask why me? And he said, you know, that's not a very helpful question. He said, I'm not going to get this quite right, but he said something like, everyone gets hit by that dark thing that comes down the road. Everything gets hit by something that knocks a hole in the center of your life. And when you don't expect it. So to ask why me, you know, each of us has our own share of this kind of suffering.

[16:59]

So in the broad sense, we're all recovering from something. We're all recovering from an illness or injury, from an unexpected loss, from the end of a relationship or the death of a loved one or the death of a cherished hope. What Shakespeare called, in the words of Hamlet, the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to. And... I think I can say, because I know many of my Buddhist friends, that a lot of us come to Buddhist practice after some life-changing event comes down the road when we least expect it and knocks a hole in the middle of our life. In the midst of suffering that comes with this experience, we have an insight that there might be another way to live. And many of you are probably familiar with the serenity prayer that is central to all the different 12-step groups. But the serenity prayer belongs to all of us.

[18:03]

So I'd like to share it with you now, whether you know it or not. I think it's a very helpful intention or hope that we can carry with us. And in this prayer, we ask to be granted the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things that we can't, and the wisdom to know the difference. We ask for the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference. And this prayer came to us through a 20th century theologian named Reinhold Niebuhr, and he crafted this prayer especially to help servicemen during World War II around 1934. And I'd like to talk a little bit about it because I think the serenity prayer is a good example of the compatibility of Buddhist practice and recovery work. So in this prayer, serenity is aligned with being able to accept things over which we have no control.

[19:10]

And yet, at the same time, having the courage, courage comes from the French word for heart, having the heart to change things that should be changed. So this would include working towards peace and justice, righting the wrongs we see in the world, all the little ways that each of us as individuals and as groups can make a difference, and finding our own way to be of service in the world, as Miyobi did. So in living this way, wisdom opens up to us. One thing we can't control is other people, and much of our suffering comes from either wanting things to be different than they are, or wanting other people to be different than they are. Shantideva, an 8th century sage says, in the way of the Bodhisattva, he says, and this is kind of like a poem, so I'm going to take a deep breath.

[20:14]

If those who are like wanton children are by nature prone to injure others, what point is there in being angry, like resenting fire for its heat? And if their faults are fleeting and contingent, if living beings are by their nature wholesome, it's likewise senseless to resent them, as well be angry at the sky for having clouds. Shantideva points out to our own anger our own resentment and dissatisfaction as a means to wake up. And he says, the cause of happiness comes rarely and many are the seeds of suffering. But if I have no pain, I'll never long for freedom. Therefore, oh my mind, be steadfast. So if we expect or wish for others to be different, if we expect life to be different,

[21:19]

we're always going to be easily provoked. But as we practice in this way of sitting quietly and following our breath, noticing that feelings and thoughts come and go like clouds, as we practice, the mind can become more flexible and more resilient. And we might find after practicing for a bit, or after practicing the 12 steps for a bit, that... the same situations that used to cause us suffering, those situations are still there. You know, life is still with us. And yet, we might notice that the situations that used to cause us suffering don't provoke us in quite the same way. And at the same time, if we don't listen to the pain we feel, if we're in denial about it or we shove it aside, we might not be motivated to change the things that we can change. So we can cultivate the courage to change our attitude.

[22:23]

And I think it's interesting that Suzuki Roshi talked about, the founder of this and other temples, that one thing we work with in Zen practice is our attitude, and that's something we do have volition over. And so we can cultivate the courage to change our attitude... to develop resilience and to meet our life face-to-face, not wishing it to be otherwise, not wishing people to be otherwise, but to meet them courageously face-to-face and to wake up to our actual lives. Shantideva says, if there is a remedy when trouble strikes, what reason is there for despondency? And if there is no help for it, What use is there in being sad? So this, too, is a kind of serenity prayer. He's saying, if we have the courage and ability to change something that should be changed, we can do that. But if it's something that we're powerless over that we can't control, why continue to allow that to disturb our equanimity?

[23:29]

My father, Terry Burgess, at the end of his life, for me, demonstrated the serenity prayer. in a very beautiful way. He didn't call it the serenity prayer, but he had the serenity to accept the things he couldn't change and the courage to change the things that he could and the wisdom to know the difference. When he was diagnosed with lung cancer in 1995, some deep intention arose within him and he set about to set his affairs in order. And he didn't have the help of any spiritual practice or group, but this was an intuitive impulse that came up within him. And he set about to forgive everyone in his life and to ask for forgiveness and to refuse to be distracted or to allow resentments or bitterness to eat away at him at the end of his life.

[24:33]

And... It was a great honor and privilege to be with him. And I know some of you have worked with dying people and know what that is, what honor it is to be present for that. And my father gave his children and his grandchildren a great gift because he allowed me and my brother and sister and my daughter Nova to be with him and take care of him when he was at his most vulnerable. And this was a stretch for him. He was a very stubborn and independent person, and it wasn't easy for him to ask for or accept help. But he allowed others in, and this is such an act of generosity when we allow others to help us. This is the other side of being open to helping other people. When we allow others in and allow them to be of help to us, this is a gift. So my dad refused to dwell on regrets or resentments. And I used to ask him, what do you think about?

[25:38]

He would take these long, hot baths. And I, what do you think about when you're in the bathtub? He said, oh, I think about when we used to go camping when you guys were kids. You know, he chose where to put his attention and he put them on the happy things in his life. So he left his life on good terms with all beings. And even in the midst of his suffering, he said to me, this really blew my mind. He looked up at me and he said, you know, La, I'm one happy fellow. And that somebody could say that in the midst of the horrors of lung cancer was quite remarkable to me. One of my third graders, Ariel Robinson, when my dad died, made me this beautiful handmade sympathy card. And I opened it up and it said, just when you think everything's going great, death, argh. Don't you hate when that happens?

[26:40]

I just came across that card the other day, and it really made me smile. So, you know, to allow others to help us to refuse to regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it, to live our lives fully, to not leave the burden of our unlived life for our children to carry, That's something my father did for me. He didn't leave any unlived life or regrets for me to carry along for him. This is acceptance and courage and wisdom. And my father burnt up in a bright flame, finished with his life. So one of my favorite people to read is Pen the Children. And I remember one night I had her book spread out on the coffee table, you know, When Things Fall Apart, Going to the Places that Scare You, The Wisdom of No Escape. And my daughter, Nova, walked through the living room and she looked down and she went, huh, what a drama queen.

[27:42]

But, you know, in the book When Things Fall Apart, Chodron speaks of three methods for working with chaos. And I think these three things exemplify Buddhist practice and also the work we do in recovery. Three methods to help us turn in the direction of serenity and courage and wisdom. And the first thing she discusses is, and again, this is from When Things Fall Apart. She talks about the wisdom of no more struggle. That whatever arises, we cease to struggle with it. And whatever it is... We see its face and stop calling it the enemy. Like Meobi on the path, you know, we go towards those things that are difficult for us and stop picking and choosing. Melarepa, she quotes Melarepa as saying when he came home one evening and all the demons were frolicking in his hut, he couldn't get rid of them.

[28:51]

And finally Melarepa said to them, it is wonderful you demons came today. Come again tomorrow. From time to time we should converse. So this is like Mayobi's monster getting smaller the closer we get to it when we face those things of which we're afraid. Machig Labdron in her Tibetan tradition, according to Pema says, they didn't exorcise demons, they treated them with compassion. The advice she was given by her teacher and what she passed on to her students was, Approach what you find repulsive, help the ones you think you cannot help, and go to the places that scare you. So each of us can use our own experience to benefit others, not from a kind of goody-two-shoes attitude, but from this place that Miobe found inside himself of identification and compassion. I know what it is to be afraid.

[29:51]

so I can be with you when you're afraid. We bring into the light our own rejected selves, not being afraid of those dark places in ourselves that we may be ashamed of. These are our true demons, the parts of ourselves that we reject, that we're afraid of. And I think it's tempting for people who are new to practice to think... Because I did. As soon as I get rid of this and that, and as soon as I straighten out this, and as soon as I get better at that, as soon as I get organized, as soon as I get my ducks in a row, then I'm going to be free to practice. And this is sort of a view that doesn't work very well. It didn't work for me. Dogen Zenji, who was born in the year 1200 and brought Zen from China to Japan, He said these words that in a time in my life I found so comforting. He said, to have faith means to believe that one is already inherently in the way, the way, you know, and not lost, deluded or upside down and no increase and no decrease and no mistake.

[31:07]

And I saw those words written on a three by five card on a friend's refrigerator when I was very new to practice. And I read those words at a time when I was lost, you know, confused and upside down. And this is how we help each other, you know, not rejecting the past, not getting rid of huge chunks of ourself, but in using our whole selves to be of service to others. No mistake. No mistake. And the second method that kind of cites is using poison as medicine. and this is something we do in 12-step work, to use difficult situations as a means of waking up, breathing in and recognizing that whatever we're feeling, anger, resentment, confusion, loneliness, is the identical pain that others are feeling right now as well. Somewhere in the world, there is someone who feels as I do. So instead of pushing it away, we breathe it in and

[32:14]

and breathe out with the wish that all beings could be happy and free from suffering. So we breathe in the difficulties that we share with every other person in the world and breathe out our hope for their ease and happiness. In comforting, we are comforted. And the third way of... of working with chaos is we can regard everything as awakened energy. We can regard ourselves as already awake. We can regard our world as already sacred. So Dogen says this very mind is Buddha. Our awakening is right here in the real and imperfect world. The flawed world with our flawed selves not in some mountain cave. And when we feel fear, when we feel pain, when we feel unworthy, with a slight shift in our attitude, we can be grateful that we can feel these things.

[33:24]

We can be grateful that we're alive to feel these things. And we can offer these feelings in solidarity with the whole suffering world. Every human being at some time has felt as I do. Everyone has felt rejected, alone, afraid. Everyone has tasted the dark as well as the light. And each of us has our own sorrow and pain and also joy and ease. And this is our birthright. This is the price of admission. This is what connects us to each other heart to heart. And this is real life. So I love sharing the story of Miobe with my third graders, and they often have very surprising insights about that story. And I always learn something new about Miobe from my third graders. I remember one little girl said, Well, he lives with his uncle.

[34:30]

What happened to his parents? Maybe that's why he's afraid. And another child said, I think when Neobi looks up at the moon, he's looking into his own heart. So let's be brave and look into our own hearts and go to the places that scare us. Go towards what's repulsive to us. Help the ones we think we cannot help and go to the places that scare us. But we don't have to go alone. We can go together. So that's the good news. May our intention equally extend.

[35:32]

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