Saturday Lecture

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SF-03940
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had an apple
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she
i i
i'm on
no
on
the money
it's a being of our money isn't him
jp if i phone run enough and i want to try to give my dog
i don't know maybe people who it turns out
can you hear me
okay
no not really
i like crap
here

and i was going to say my name my name is clear
and he was sent to my dominant dancing fender and servant of truth and he had a marina stare ah yeah okay my name is dancing send a servant of chief and the new tanto here tanto means time
and in sam head of the time and time of there since in xander said tonto means head of the time or head of the practice here
and then
my blanche however asked me to talk give a talk i just i said i was introduced myself cause i was lawyer and she said no running shoe and give you a change she said i laughed and said
turns so that
and say i really started thinking about it as as trying to think we're wet would it be you know and with action saturday that was rad important because actually fundamentally i feel like there is nothing to say and the most
who has good mom
i say i'm not going to edit i will say what i was thinking the most wonderful prose is a place really deep and vast silence and from their place there is nothing to say
to settle in our pros is a great relief
however and
where do you speak and their own suffering and so when asked one
these bombs and in this case i must say something so that i chose in thinking when i chose to talk about was something like the dream of the self
much i flew in some
and fundamental don't you think it's a fundamental teaching and run that is our should be actually hasn't shown for you today
i should be our practice her focus in her practice and out of which this place has no self out of which compassion comes to compassion comes
because conversion from a price of the self his only self serving ultimately compassion from a prince of more self benefits are beings
so today i wanna look a little bit about this no self is that the sun or you can't hear me
so again
so i also wanted to take action and thank people for the transition from
green to hear my welcomed at the citizen or so far has been very kind
and very helpful so many patient that and i didn't want to say that and and anything i wanted to say in way of introduction to myself as that term just for information i started sitting and nineteen sixty seven in los angeles and and nineteen sixty eight suzuki roshi and and started can
me up from los angeles here in this building to my dog sign of him
and
i have altogether move for almost eleven years at tassajara which is a monastic retreat
and i've also i look for ryan minneapolis with can be invention and trungpa recommend dharma sandra tibetan teacher and also have some experience in proposal in newbury massachusetts
but yesterday in the service road here was during service i had the fact the russians my home i felt like i was coming home to this place and it surprised me because i hadn't been here since the early eighties and have been living there
in the country and not in a city so i was really surprised but this was my entrance
and so i flew home and i'm happy to be here
however i do have a transition and kind of initiation transition from don't wanna share it with him the first thing that happened when i was here was at my car got broken into
the window smashed the rumors wrote that the ryan's are over the place my back riding has on my world and sunglasses in stone whole i get number by yankee it and run leather things were token and when i went to the car and worked and of course then said i read that that is just a mess it's really ugly
and my first that was don't touch anything because the police or going to run a can take conference
when running
sharing power and of course in a moment and turbulent that much a regular listener so man from that point out also have put on my city where the little boy and that was my first kind of initiation my second initiation was quote by the end of the spectrum may the tuesday
last tuesday i think it was it i went to the apa i saw the marriage of figaro mozart's marriage of figaro and it was fabulous just say because i love means you can email but it was rural and for the first time they had that i've seen they had supertitles and top of the storage that can act
she'll follow the story as you listen to this i was totally encouraged his wonderful costumes and emotions were happening in it it's a fine and complex kind of stones is really wonderful so that was a kind of a never kind of initiation and in fact the erosion i was so too
totally into it as completely as a four hour lecture and forever
the
the
anyway it was because the next year but here's the really interesting put the back stairs and practice committee and the available and more customs you know a shirt and charge of a little birds and it was just as complex emotional events
what is the illusion that as at last night is this matter
so that was another initiation and then the initiation actually that was the most significant was finally i sat down to gaia day of tongue area
rich

important initiation because it is there that were rarely find that in fact both a meeting and the opera her both james her both a kind of an illusion

both are transparent and graspable and without independent existence and now it comes to my favorite part of the talk is my
this is a crowd from shakespeare from the tempest and show you recognize it
this is how shakespeare tells it
our rivers now are ended these are actors as i foretold you were all spurts and are melted into air into thin air
and like the baseless fabric of this version the cloud capped towers the gorgeous palaces the solemn temples the broad globe itself you know on which it inherit shall resolve
and rightless insubstantial pageant faded roof not a rack behind
who are such stuff as dreams are made on and our little life is rounded with asleep

this quicksilver world is ruled of apparent reality so rich in joy and sorrow and believed to be substantial
and therein lies our anguish
we solidify and clinging to a points of view our judgments are objects of desire and as me now the most damning belief is the one in our vaunted selves

this point i could talk about you know non-duality and no separation and two truths and seventeen and so forth but i'm
i just want to talk about the civil saying from zimbabwe
if you can rock you can dance and if you can talk to you can sink in fact when i was teaching music in africa was actually kenyan that zimbabwe there was a game that people were prayer in this concentric circles and in the midst of these circles they'll be singing cents over the midst of a so
merkel somebody would go into the middle circle and in advance and then the outside people they would clamp and i couldn't tell for angel's what in the world they were clapping about because they weren't clapping for the person i thought was the best answer
so confirm it out within after a while when i was there for long time i got to know the people it was easy to tell they were dancing for the person there except they were clapping for the person who was dancing who is the most not dancing necessarily or whatever they were doing that show corvo really the most
it was really great so they applaud the person who is being the most themselves in that situation is grave is don't work
but i am i think actually know branch talks about that all the time but it served as the most important thing
so what i do as i run us to sing little bit too to river is going to saying
february but has
am i wasting too much time i think so
i begin
whoa a check maybe the stream me
man sarah jane average it you know it
so now in the violent red and american consumers what surgeon and a manager
you can choose and will start on the said k when to very well the river
stream
history
history
game
the is
no well
okay now remember it and parts pet name has to available it was the most important things that life know just criminal
you've got to hold your turn and you can not go to pass about life we have to move says you have to will be whoever we have to worry hold replace and relationship as the same thing they can't dominate where the person that's not a religion and you can't want that either you know always accurate
yes into everyday person wants no good right now we have to hold your own tune than when you show him around to then you have to really listen to the other person said that we can
the together
so for parts and k can choose
and i'm looking to vote in there okay okay when to me
the
the street
the site is at the street

history
history sh
history
oh well
kim
i'm never have time to finish my heart i have six paint over hey are very term most important thing i just continue her practice in it to hear the thing about the my you guys are it because they really think about his boat situation this man and lazarus sog his knife is
just a dream k so with two kinds of dream boats can that were rolling down the shame run boat
this one though is the both of my dreams this is my dream i want this i read this this person is module i want that person that's my general and random person one of the birds is a and boat
one of the boats as wanting and service wanting grasp and after blasting in fact not after grasping grasping itself is suffering not after grasping grasping itself is suffering k so the wanting bird the grasping boat is one of these boats when kind of both
the other kind of boat is
the boat that is this a rosary and ungraspable grasp in this kind of that
it's the end of the diamond messenger which will resign it i think yesterday here for service at the end of the diamond sutra and it says how are we are to understand what we think are a think of as substantial things including ideas and thoughts
hey
so how it serves will have to understand things as a font of vision or ramp a moksha dewdrops or a bubble a dream a routing for azure cloud so should run here rudders conditioned
now there's nothing wrong with the boat of grasping it's just that if a grasp on a time personal lucifer and ultimately sort of other people there's nothing actually wrong with it it's just that the consequences for life and really different grasping and not grasping and
fact even if you grasp after religious experiences k
to same thing
so
it's the same
we at the same time
well
know we can talk about that but that's okay
that's a good example and a certain kind of impulsive
that's cool retro titles have been my okay
sarah am
a few years it will forget the ground business and a nice grasping so in i'm skipping over my target because i'm going without like
fifteen minutes and conserve operation in the my biggest known as a wonderful fascicle called attachment non attachment and this is about blonde grasping are not grasping our attachment and non-attachment and what it is my favorite run in the whole book but he says lives that actual it's okay to grasp
we're not grasping
when experimental won't last forever
if you're fully lined with grasping grasping is fulfilled
the name the sitting settled in grasping then you can have space around it and then you don't have to actually manifest grasping you just sit and through with it feels like to grasp them so if you don't hold on and actually do that the activity we have
have a freedom in the grasping to non bureau grasping that's buddha's grasping
and that's when he talks about in this fast no it's not easy it's very difficult to understand but it really is true to say it's like the same as with desire sexual feelings and seven so forth we think all the time we were the sexual following anywhere in abundantly compelled prepared to do something very difficult to take care of
but if you really move can settle and be still in the midst of that forming its fulfilled designs for food in itself
i know the first time i heard that i thought that is most ridiculous thing
but rooms sure it's comforting to which the really seen it desires filled in itself because it's just a feeling the problem is that refer like our feelings into much for ourselves and in the beginning it's true that's why you have to sit
because when you sit you sit there and all your feelings and thoughts come out barbara and you don't do anything with it you don't push it you know this you don't push him away and grasp them your toes constantly all the time he can just sit there and feel it
and as you do that year after year after year with the feelings that you deal with that deeper and deeper deeper and than the one that you have to brew with the wines that for who are the room stronger difficulties in your life and you were and what happens is he began to see the dependent colorizing if i'm using words
you don't understand we can talk about it over there
get to see how they are covered by or of everything and then for some as another allows sam
freedom from them actually because you know who can end up suffering merely and you can sit there with the rooms that that are the most and deeper deeper boop ones that is the most afraid of that it has been controlling the rifle at time i proud
forever
how much you know grasping after images killings of black friends that you live around enough
the things that for were burnt down in there you learn to be able to savor they have arise and had a we actually went actually you see how to self arises the self is for grasping it is the failure it is the doubt that is where the cell
ooh that's how it makes itself up it is the struggle
the sale for definition itself as struggle that's why if you seek in finding all the time and yourself in circulation cause at the small stuff you're smart enough is very happy
was struggling
baba the room will talk about the other day it was exactly what i'm saying the struggle itself is what was the suffering but me don't it so we can't just let go in the struggle we can't know go with the seeking with think we would have got it now i'm gonna make myself better
i've wrote i didn't have going to do this religious life i'm gonna be a woven and be enlightened and things can be fine
he now has talking you know the saying that
that's your little conditioned
self that frankly i'm sorry to say about me say it i'm saying to say this but it's true
music it and it's can come later my mother
he doesn't give a damn about you
it doesn't it doesn't care if you are suffering doesn't care if you hurt it really does not care but wants to be alive and well i mean by it is i mean the sense of separation that we feel
and it will take anything it will take the religious life it will take being a good person it will take having status or attend the hotel being a server
it'll take more happiness it will take everything to keep itself going so that several doesn't die
because moved to room experience this vein and experience it's not an experience in load of be because of experience in used a separate from the experience right there's a whole new experience that's why religious experience is just great it gives you a kind ever gives you an idea but you have to integrate it
they were getting off my check
so inexperience you're still separate so it didn't even take experience because it wants to rule because when the slow separate feeling sense those
then you just alive that's all it's kind of boring
one of the stories it used to try this as the excitement of erosion achievements new whatever else you know when i have anyone who just doing live you present
right in it's fabulous
wonderful sometimes is create right and sometimes was not so great so it
no problem
not a problem
so wrote in the middle of a problem if you completely where and don't make up a story about it don't separate yourself from which is comparably your problem it's not a problem anymore just a social situation of third branch attack attacking the other day and about that room it's a potent room potent america
blanche and and said thank you
the
i respect a very much of position of blanche the abbess since center to wonderful thing
hey we're in that room and
i have no i am past menopause now so if i had a sad and i don't immediately sold their titles i have forgotten the that
however so they're fed is competing for what
hey remember
there is are taking their
maybe she's looking earth and and well as just a hair and no problems taking i
because it's essential oils association the books on him and i would come i was the most venomous but one of the most neurotic people around i apply to men and seventy one i applaud the better tessa her and vulnerable to predators and from i can job
pressure that day
and whoever pressure everywhere roof of the pressure rather that my shoulder that's my family
so i've been a man and seventy one had probably tassajara and i was rejected that's i'm proud of my room
how servers
remember when i was rejected so i know i must have been real that's my read small and paper and says too
sir
so yeah i mean this they have twisted and twice and problems i have brew in problems than difficult as i do my do
i didn't i have friends angle and used to bury him in this room i was away with him to him in the room and i will bring him this real difficult situations and summers and as i was toying with him they disappeared because he was
so i'm
settled you know so deeply settled it was so vast the for the non-self for the emptiness i mean is that word the emptiness of his bank that whatever your problems and was nothing to reverberate and there's no regular they just went into this
oh
and disappeared again if i can them as an answer
and so are there and i and i wouldn't feel them at all as with him he was a tremendous sense of peace
that damn he contents feel
and this is not the talk that i was going to give so i i don't know where to pick it up now
a true for me several years and can't do with and who owns the netherlands talking about tomorrow
unless your present and of course we have all these reason to small self has all these reasons why it's not going to let you be present for you going to be restless and you're gonna be sitting and you're going to be distracted and whatever rules you mean have been doing all these things to prevention from being present to
the been proven to be around for never enough
so he must be present you must be mindful and you must be present and the best way to practice dana is in the zendo
because it things that prevent you from being there any hindrances and the restlessness good hate and delusion that sense of the ship itself all come up during thousand and you practice not doing anything with them so that you can be present in your life
that is why wouldn't you want to be pretty well i know why but why would actually be present in your life the concession not present in your life you miss your life really yeah i mean you've missed it by it's over
and then you're done you arrive reply was little deaths all day long i remembered can version is the so to me all the time on met my i he was talking to he said through you are responsible for making you arrive alive nobody else
you are responsible for making your life alive
nobody else
so it's about zazen and it's about doings us and together
not that you can't do it alone in your house a advertising for years by myself
yeah and it's a burning feeling very wonderful way to practice but it's helpful to sit with than people because it encourages you and it's easier in fact it's easier
so i am here
to sit zazen with whoever wants to citizen and also to rock rush you through whatever comes up in your life that makes it difficult for you to do that for you to settle in your life to settle in your life and deeply so in your own life

i throw not even look at us anymore i just
so let's see what else to i want to say

you know
it's actually interesting for me to be back in the city i now have a live in an apartment i haven't lived in important by myself for thirty some years
and i have a kitchen and
a bathroom
and i have my fruit again which i haven't played in a very long time
and i exercise sometimes and so on and i love that kind of variety for a long time ago and i know what it's like to live that kind of life and it wasn't enough
it was the thing that i most wanted to do music pursuing music
and i was doing music and i loved it completely
so i didn't understand why it wasn't enough
so now i have an opportunity
to be an almost exactly the same situation
the only differences that i have a different relationship with my mind
the only difference and i'm wondering actually
if my life will be enough
just
this
justice

so sitting in the midst of problems their problems for sure and no problems
being a rare
present and aware in the middle of my life without doing anything about it not pushing it away not making it better
this awareness this man or more self awareness is the ground of everything

it is what thousand is about
it's what are so and weighs about
so those of you who are part of the sangha had the city centre
i'm please accept me joining you to do is practice together i'm looking forward to it you're looking forward to meeting you
and ah
at this point i like to dedicate this talk
to the end of struggle into the end of
suffering
for ourselves and for all bags
and please help me
two brothers with you if if make me make me walk my talk
and if i can help you in some way and it will be my joy to do that
so let's practice together