This podcast is offered by San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. A warm welcome to everyone. Do you hear me okay? Thank you. As always, I would like to thank my teacher and David for inviting me to give this talk to me. And today it's the second day of our seven day retreat. And I hope everything and everyone is settled and that you are already warmed up from our full day, first full day yesterday. I've always been surprised how fast teaching goes. You know, it's right now it feels at the end is miles away, but suddenly you're at the end of teaching. You know, it's like that phrase, written on the hand, the wooden board we strike to call people 2000.

[01:02]

Time is fleeting. Gone, gone. Don't waste this life. So believe me, in the blink of an eye, Sashin will be over. And as Abbott said yesterday, this is a very particular Sashin. This Sashin is amazing in many ways. First of all, people from all over the world are connecting and sitting together. That's pretty amazing. You know, maybe this is the only way actually people can sit together so many days. So the reach of this Sashin is mind-blowing. It's absolutely incredible. And it's the first time we do a Rohatsu Sashin, a seven-day Sashin online in San Francisco Zen Center. And yes, with all the container of the Zendo, the Buddha Hall, peer support and silence, this machine mostly depends on us. So, OK, you have your little zoom square or it might be there or maybe not be in that grid, but that's pretty much the extent of it.

[02:12]

Your square is there or it's not. And maybe for some of you, finding a container of practice that it's more or less quiet and isolated can be possible anyway. But for others, I can only imagine that maybe you're sitting surrounded by family or roommates. And this ishim can be actually pretty hard that way. You know, because it asks a lot from you. This ishim actually asks for you to be very sincere with your practice. Because the question is, how does your practice look like when nobody's watching? or when you're only seen as a little square on the screen? How does your practice look like then? And of course, this can be a broader question. How do you act? How do you live when nobody is watching? But in today's talk, I won't be talking too much about that.

[03:15]

Even though in the Zoom area we live in, it's a pretty important question. You know, how do you behave? What do you look like in all those places where the camera is not there? It's not capturing. So one thing I would like to say about this. You are always watching. So there's actually no time where you can say nobody is watching. You're always watching. So this machine asks a lot to you and about you. Today what I want to focus on are three things that might help you to embrace and practice this machine in a way that maybe feels more approachable and complete. And these are three things that I think are really important, or at least they are to my practice. And these are trust, control, and curiosity. Trust, control, and curiosity.

[04:18]

So let's start by trust. Trust by definition is a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone or something. Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone or something. So then trust can be understood as the belief in reliability. Difficult word. Reliability. You have trust. when you believe that someone or something is reliable. And by reliable, we understand that someone or something is consistent in their qualities, that they, or that, let's say, they can be trusted. The consistency in their qualities means that they can be trusted. So it goes both ways. And sometimes it's difficult to trust. Of course it is. And some people are more open to being trusting than others.

[05:21]

And many times this has a lot to do with the experiences you had in your life around trust. You know, you may be the kind that starts by trusting something or someone until proven wrong. Or the other way around, right? That something or someone needs to win your trust. Once the consistency of those qualities are clear, then they gain your trust. So what is your... personal relationship with trust. Do you actually trust something or someone? Who or what do you trust? Maybe for some of you, it is another human being, a partner, a parent, or maybe it's something more conceptual like nature or time, or maybe it's an entity like government or an organization. Maybe it's your teacher or your practice leader, if you have one.

[06:22]

And yet, when I ask the question, who or what do you trust? I wonder how many people saw themselves as an answer when I ask that question. Who do you trust? How many people answered me? And also, how many people answered to themselves, nothing. I actually don't trust anything. anyone. So I want to go back to the basic definition of trust. Trust is the belief in the reliability of something or someone. And how does this apply in the context of us as practitioners? How does trust as the reliability of something or someone apply now in Sushin? And approaching this idea of trust in the context of our practice is very important.

[07:26]

I think because trust may be something linked to some sort of attainment. And this happens when trust becomes some kind of bet, an expectation that something or someone will behave in a certain way. And trust therefore becomes paired with an expectation. Let's put it that way. Trust becomes paired with an expectation. And as we very well know, or some of us do, many times our expectations don't come to fruition. So here we have trust as a bet or in a way attached to an expectation. And when trust is linked, this way to an expectation, when you have a fixed idea of what trust means and what the result should be of your trust, this many times, more times than not, sets you up for dissonance and disappointment.

[08:35]

You know, not all your expectations can be met. And when that happens, then your trust is broken. So then what? And what does that mean in the context of our practice? So this kind of trust, this trust that's set on specific expectations, can actually lead to a lot of suffering. This is kind of a quick pro quo trust. I'll give you my trust. In return, you will behave or do something that I'm trusting will happen. So can there be in our practice a kind of trust that has no expectations attached to it. A way of trusting that it's not transactional. And we go from, I will give you my trust and you will fulfill my expectations to I will trust and let it go. So why are you sitting, Sashim?

[09:40]

How big are your expectations of getting something out of it? Let's pause for a moment. What are your expectations? of the Sashin. Maybe you're going to have a list. I will see Sashin and then, you know, I'll be completely enlightened or less stressed or fully relaxed or full of insight, you know, your list of what Sashin is going to give you. So then you trust the Sashin. I will give you all that or at least some of it and then I'll receive something. And then you commit to doing this crazy thing of sitting seven days, and as I said before, the end will come sooner than later, and maybe your list will not be complete. So something will definitely happen.

[10:41]

But that something might not be something on your list. And as day goes by during the Sashin, as your list of accomplishments doesn't get any better, suddenly you find yourself in a pickle. You know, I trusted this Sashin and I trusted it will give me calmness. And we're now on day four and my knee hurts like crazy and I'm definitely not getting any calmer. And you trust a specific outcome you created for yourself and this starts to crumble. So Will you trust that the sashim will fulfill your expectations and maybe those might be broken? So when they are broken, can you trust the sashim anymore? You know, will you trust yourself and your spiritual or practice choices after sashim doesn't deliver or practice doesn't deliver according to your own list of

[11:48]

things to be delivered. And this is why trust is so important in this context, I think, because you're better off trusting the process, not the results. It is a process. It's a sitting, the breathing, the guide from teachers and practice leaders, the company of the Sangha. That's what you decide to trust. And then let go of the results. And the results will be there. But those might not be what you expected. You know, or the results might come in ways that you can't deeply understand, you know, its complexities. There'll be some results. But can you trust the process, not the results? So in Zen, we talk about trust. We have the trust. Or we say we have the confidence that practice works. Practice works. that the fundamental nature of our mind is awakened.

[12:55]

And because of this, we can throw ourselves fully into practice without expectations. And this week, we can throw ourselves fully into Sashin without expectations because we trust that practice works. I have always appreciated very much what Suzuki Roshi said about trust. This is a beautiful phrase I found once. He said, I don't trust anything but my feet and my black cushion. I don't trust anything but my feet and my black cushion. So what I think Suzuki Roshi is saying here is, what else can you trust? By saying he only trusts his feet and his cushion, I really think he's talking about practice. In a way, he's saying, I only trust practice. So you trust without expectations.

[13:56]

You trust the process. You trust the practice. And let go of the results you think should come your way. Because again, the results, some might be similar or the same that your expectations were, but probably most aren't. And this is a practice that's coming to us for 2,500 years. It's a lot of time. So you just trust the practice. So I said I was going to talk about trust and also control. And I would add some things yesterday about control. And control is very much related to trust. Because the need to control, the need for it goes up when your capacity to trust goes down.

[14:59]

So let's put it that way. When you can't trust something, you try to control it. And even though you might have heard this many times in the context of our practice, that we can't really control anything, you know, some sort of intentionality is important. I agree with that. You actually can't control anything, and some sort of intentionality is important. And in this aspect is where trust and control are similar in a way. You try to control things to lead to a specific outcome, and then you might feel some sort of suffering when and if the outcome is not the one you were expecting or you tried to accomplish. So like trust, You try to control for a specific outcome, then that doesn't happen. And then suffering comes your way. And during Sashin, we tend to try to control things.

[16:05]

We try to control our minds, especially our minds. Try to control our temper, our breath. We try to control the place we are in. We try to control us into being relaxed or into feeling a certain way. So trying to control can become the way you can feel safe when plunging into a seven-day sit. So Sashim is here and you try to control it, try to control everything that happens. And sometimes you actually believe that you'll be able to control your way through a sashimi, through a retreat. So as I said, and you again heard this before probably, you're not really in control of anything, especially when we're talking about our spiritual life.

[17:09]

And this is kind of hard to accept, I think. At least it's hard to me because when we recognize we're not in control, we feel vulnerable. Yeah. And feeling vulnerable, it's not an easy thing. Especially for us that we need to be strong. We need to be there. Who has time or, you know, chance to be vulnerable? And that's where control comes in. Lack of trust and control. Suzuki Roshi said in a Dharma talk in the early 17th, In Zazen, we do not try to stop thinking or try not to hear or see anything. If something appears in your mind, leave it. If you hear something, hear it and just accept it.

[18:11]

That's all. I'm going to say that again. In Zazen, we do not try to stop thinking or try not to hear or see anything. If something appears in your mind, leave it. If you hear something, hear it and just accept it. That is all. That is very beautiful, I think. And beyond our lineage, there's something very deep that I found written in the Tao Te Ching. The Tao Te Ching says, So I guess in Zen context, we could say she shapes events as they come,

[19:22]

And let's practice, speak for itself. And it's true that in the world that we live today, we probably have been kind of trained to set goals and then work on all the actions that lead to those goals. We set an objective and we try to control events to reach that objective. That's probably the way most of us operate in our daily life. And as you very well know, trying to control requires a very big amount of energy, especially in sashin. You might have sat sashin before and you know this. This might be your first sashin or one of your first sashins, and you'll be discovering this. You know, trying to control things require a very big amount of energy. So when you are consistently trying to make things happen, the way your diluted self once and two, and then they don't.

[20:24]

And you get anxious, and you try harder, and you invest more energy, and sometimes you get disappointed, and sometimes angry, maybe with yourself, or with practice, or others. So, you can't control. And yet, as I said before, there is something you can do. And, you know, when you trust your practice and then you let go of control, does this mean that we get, you know, carried like leaves blown by the wind when we say trust your practice and let go of control? I don't think so. Not necessarily. There's a difference between trying to control events towards a specific objective versus or creating the most possible favorable conditions for something to happen.

[21:28]

So one thing is to control, and we've said that's probably impossible, but then there is this creating favorable conditions for something to happen. So you really can't control the outcome, but you can do everything in your power to make that outcome may be possible. So you cannot control your mind from being distracted from sound or sight. But what you can do, for example, is put away your phones. That's creating a condition that will move things toward a desired outcome. So put away your phones and not in vibrating mode or just off. So it's not even close to your mind. You can close curtains.

[22:30]

You can talk to your family or roommates and say, this is happening. Can you please protect the space? So there's a number of things that you can do to set up the environment. And that doesn't necessarily mean you're trying to control. Because then a dog parks in the street or your roommate drops. a dish while you're sitting or something. And that can happen. But instead of being, you know, angry and saying, well, and ask for this, you just get distracted and then you come back to the present moment. You know, just let it happen and let it flow. And remember that our practice is not so much about not getting distracted. but always to return back to the present. You get distracted, you come back. No judgment. Ideally, no judgment, right? So you get distracted, come back.

[23:32]

That's all. So to say that you can control things doesn't mean that you should let everything to chance. You can create the conditions for certain outcomes and then you know, after you create these conditions, you let go. You let go of the results. And this is very different from controlling. So another way to see this in regards to Sashim, in this creating the conditions and letting go of control, is letting something else have the control. And in this case, I would suggest you let the schedule of the Sashim take control. The schedule is there to help you. For you to have one less thing to manage or try to control. You just let go and follow the schedule.

[24:32]

When it's time to sit, you sit. When it's time to eat, you eat. When it's time to work, you work. And so forth. Isn't it wonderful? I'm pretty sure in your life outside Sashin, you have a large number of decisions to make every day. So during Sashin, you can let go of that. That's beautiful. That's one of the things I like most of Sashin. Everything's set for you. Everything's set. You can just flow. Flow with whatever is asked from you in this moment. The Sashin, let the schedule take control. And as I said in a previous Dharma talk, I would suggest that you don't negotiate with yourself every time. And don't try to negotiate with the schedule. Especially if the days go by and you feel more tired, you feel more restless.

[25:39]

Just follow the schedule. Don't try to negotiate with it. And then, of course, once You are doing what you're doing. Don't go back and ruminate about it like cows. I am kind of tired. I should have stayed in bed for the first period of Zazen. So I didn't negotiate. I woke up. I went to the Zendo, but maybe tomorrow. So there it goes again. As Suzuki Roshi said about the wake of the bell, when I hear the bell, I jump out of bed, wash my face, put on my ropes and go to the Zendo. So, definitely no self-negotiation there. Hear the bell, watch my face, go to the Zendo. So don't try to control things, especially during this retreat. Trust your practice and give yourself fully to what that practice asks of you right now.

[26:45]

Follow the schedule and try not to negotiate with it all the time. Let go of your need of control. I like something that Abbot Ed said yesterday very much. He said, don't try to control your mind. Don't try to control your breath. Let your breath breathe in you. So trust your practice, let go of control. What about curiosity? If you trust your practice and you go with control, does that mean that nothing matters, that you can just let go and disconnect? And I would say that wouldn't be a very skillful way to approach this machine or life for that matter. To check out is not the same as to trust and let go. One thing is to check out, to not be there, and to

[27:51]

Another thing that's very different is to trust and let go. And what I would say that the difference between checking out and trusting and letting go is what we could say, engagement in stillness. And what keeps that engagement alive, what keeps us there, is active and exquisite attention. A way of being genuinely curious. So that might apply even to Zazen. One could say Zazen could be seen as curiosity in stillness. Kind of like a contemplative awareness of everything that surrounds us. And I like that phrase, active and exquisite attention. Because being curious is very different to being inquisitive. Curiosity means leaving the question and letting go of the answer.

[28:56]

Being curious in a way, it's investigating without investing yourself into finding anything in particular. Just being open to all possibilities. So, you see there's a trend here, right? You... trust and don't expect a specific thing that will be given because you're trusting something or someone. There is not to control, but just let go. And again, we're saying by not trying to control, we're not expecting something that we do will bring a specific result, especially during this issue. And here, we're saying kind of the same thing.

[30:02]

You're not investing yourself into finding anything in particular. You're just open to all possibilities. And that's curiosity. So, as you can see, I'm talking here in each... each of these three of some aspect of letting go. And I think one of the beauties of being curious is that it's not a particular thing you do. Being curious is not something you do, but more like a fluid state of being. When you're curious, you're actively engaged in what's happening here now. then receive whatever the present has for you. Seeing and accepting things as they are. And then you keep on being curious. So this state of being is a state of fluidity, a state of accepting, a state of wonder.

[31:17]

So you can be curious about the things that happen, especially during Sashin. Your knee starts to hurt. And instead of thinking, oh, no, there goes my knee again. Such a lousy practitioner, whatever you say to yourself. You can just try to be curious about it. You connect with what is happening. You connect with your pain. You connect with your knee. And be curious. Be curious if this is something that can really hurt you and you should be taking care of it. Or is this just a result of your restless mind? Investigate with curiosity what this pain is telling you. Be curious. When you're trying to negotiate with a schedule, just be curious. I'm doing this again.

[32:22]

And when you're curious, you're not judgmental. Right? I think being judgmental kind of kills curiosity. Because then you're going, you know, this is good, this is bad. You know, kind of dualistic. But you can ask to yourself with a curious mind, why am I doing this again? Okay. and let go. Why is my knee hurting? Oh yes, it's actually, this is something I need to take care of. And you slowly move, change your position. Or no, let's see what happens. I'll be curious what can happen if I just keep this posture for another minute. So be curious. So, When you're being curious, you ask the question and you let go of the idea of what the answer should be.

[33:32]

And then you keep asking the question. You know, being curious is this relationship with the question, not so much with the answer. And the way of curiosity is not to know, but how would you say this? Maybe to wonder. Not to know, but to wonder. When we are curious, we just wonder. We want to know what happens next. And when that curiosity is pure, you know, there's no fear. There's simply looking and seeing without expectations. And again, I bring back without expectations. You trust without expectations. You let go of control and you set up the best possible environment for things to happen and let go without expectations. And here again, you ask the question and you let the answer just rise without expectations.

[34:42]

Because when you have no expectations, especially in regards to our practice, there is this delight and freshness in everything. And by your practice, I mean life. You know, when you have no expectations, there's delight and things are fresh all the time. You know, seeing things with curiosity is like seeing them with beginner's mind. And we've heard something about beginner's mind before, I'm sure. And what is this beginner's mind? Because beginner's mind, It's actually when you can drop your expectations and preconceived ideas about something, and you can see things with an open mind, fresh eyes, just like a beginner, with curiosity. So that's beginner's mind. In the book Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind from Suzuki Roshi, you can read the following passage, which is beautiful.

[35:47]

The practice of Zen mind is beginner's mind. The innocence of the first inquiry, what am I, is needed throughout Zen practice. The mind of the beginner's empty, free of the habits of the expert, ready to accept, to doubt, and open to all the possibilities. It is a kind of mind which can see things as they are, which step by step and in a flash can realize the original nature of everything. If your mind is empty, it is always ready for anything. It is open to everything. In the beginner's mind, there are many possibilities. In the expert's mind, there are few. So be curious and bring forth your beginner's mind to this machine. And there's also a very beautiful quote from Albert Einstein.

[36:55]

This is from old man's advice to youth. Never lose a holy curiosity. And it says, the important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reasons for existence. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery each day. So the important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existence. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend Add a little of this mystery each day. I like the way Einstein talks about holy curiosity. I wonder what holy curiosity means to you.

[37:59]

I think it might be curiosity about a deeper question, like what does it mean to be alive here and now? So the important thing is not to stop questioning. You know, curiosity has its own reasons for existence. You just keep the questions fresh and don't have strong expectations of what the answer should be. A beginner's mind ready to accept, ready to doubt, and open to all possibilities. That's what I mean by curiosity. So active and exquisite attention to everything that surrounds you. let go once again let go so these are the three things I would like to offer you for this session an exploration of trust of control or not controlling and curiosity just trust your practice as Suzuki Rocha said

[39:19]

Only trust your feet and your cushion. Trust your practice. Let go of control. Live the moment in a way that you're fully present, fully flexible. And keep your curiosity alive. Let your mind always be a beginner's mind. Thank you very much. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we all fully enjoy the Dharma.

[40:07]

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