afternoon we're having an ordination here and so this morning I'd like to talk about the process of ordination as the journey of practice you know in the in the ordination ceremony there are particular features to it you know in to my mind each one represents what you might call a step on our journey. Certainly from a Zen perspective, the request of practice is both an existential request. We're born, we live, and then we die. So what is it to live? Between these other two inevitable steps, one that's happened and one that will happen. It's an existential question, and in a way, it's a spiritual question. What are the values that allow our life and all life to flourish?

[01:19]

What kind of integrity, what kind of behaviors bring that forth? Inevitably, those kinds of questions draw us to look at a certain aspect of our human potential. It seems in general that we are capable of selfless generosity. We're capable of wisdom. And we're also capable of selfish desire and hatred and confusions. How do we allow one to flourish over the other? What helps us to do that? How do these two weave together?

[02:21]

Sometimes in Zen we say everyone is Buddha. And sometimes we say no Buddha, just ordinary, nothing special. So the ceremony starts both, as do most of our ordination ceremonies, with a simple phrase, trusting when Buddha, we enter Buddha's way. Which reminds me of this poem. Some things you know all your life. They're so simple and true. Can you taste what I'm saying? It's like onions or potatoes, a pinch of salt, a wealth of melting butter.

[03:26]

It's obvious. It stays in the back of your throat like a truth you've never uttered because the time was always wrong. It stays there for the rest of your life. made of that dirt we call earth, the metal we call salt, in a form we have no words for, and you live on it. Something very elemental about our human life. Something that brought us all here today, I would say. Some sense that there's a request of this life that's asking to be met. That inside of us there's a truth that's asking to be expressed, whether or not we can put it into words or ideas. And how do we tap into that? How do we let that have its say, even though it can't be spoken?

[04:36]

Or as the ceremony says, trusting their Buddha. So in some ways we're already trusting it. We're here. We're exploring or we're committing. In some ways in the ordination ceremony we could say the same thing. The ordinees have already entrusted their life to something. They've taken or they're about to take this step. But from an existential point of view we're all in this same situation, we're all being asked to commit to our life. We're all being asked to commit to the person we are. We're all being asked to commit to the circumstances in which we're living. Not that it's a passive request, not at all. And even any part of that commitment is asking us to challenge all the assumptions that have been

[05:45]

use so far in being who we are and living the life for living and do something radically different. So commitment can be either to stay the course or change the course radically. Commitment is in the exploration. The commitment is in the willing to put your life on the line. You know, to say, okay, This is my life, and here's the next step. So one way we tap into, in the course of Zen practice, to this unspoken innate truth, in the language of Zen, this aspect of Buddha that's beyond words and ideas, is indirectly experiencing the moment. is to pick up the practice of not just being mesmerized, preoccupied by our thoughts and ideas, our memories, our fantasies, and all the accompanying emotions and psychological involvements that creates.

[07:13]

Something about just experiencing the occurrence of now. And then the ceremony says we enter the Buddha's way. We take on a particular way of living. And in this ceremony, then right after that, we pay homage to our teachers. We could say that each one of us is here because of the influence of people in our lives who inspired us, who guided us, who exemplified something. We literally

[08:18]

We took the heart, whatever that was, whether it was generosity, patience, you know, some kind of thoughtfulness, some kind of appreciation of beauty. We took it in and we made it our own in such a way that we live it. But more interestingly, we made it our own But sometimes we live it and sometimes we forget it. Often practice is about remembering, oh yeah, that's right. That is a value that I uphold. And sometimes that occurs when life comes along and takes something else away from us. You've spent a period of time struggling with the relationship, and then it falls apart.

[09:23]

And in the midst of the pain and distress of that, something more fundamental than the desire that that was being held in place, something more fundamental comes to the surface. Part of the request of practice in a way is that we initiate the remembering of the teachings of our life, of the teachings of our teachers. So we pay homage, we remember, we uphold the teaching of our teachers. Often I recommend to people to do this in a very personal way. Who are the teachers in your life and what stories do you have about them?

[10:30]

Are there any particular memories you have? Oh, I remember when I was five and my grandfather said this when I was sitting on his lap. smell the tobacco on his jacket. Often some story of our life holds within it a teaching. And this is helpful for us in a couple of ways. One way is the teaching. You know, the virtuous element within that memory that can instruct and inspire our life. But then the other one is that it's easy for us to hold the stories of how we've been hurt, how we've been disappointed, how things haven't matched up to what we needed or wanted.

[11:44]

You know, those experiences have penetrated. And so they tend to become our oral history. So these other stories, in a way, are like a healing. They're like bringing a balance. Yes, in my life there have been difficulties and disappointments and pain and suffering. And there have also been teachings. Someone told me recently who studied a lot of shamanic traditions, he said that when someone comes to a shaman talking about their discouragement and their disappointment, the shaman will ask, when did you stop listening to the inspiring stories that instruct your life?

[12:55]

So for each of us to know for ourselves, what is my oral history? What is my version of inspiring stories that instruct my life? And literally to not forget them. To not put them out of our heart. Or let them be buried where they're not active. And then the next step in the ceremony. So in the ceremony we do that and we chant the names of Buddhas. You know, each one representing some kind of archetype within human life. The virtue of wisdom, the virtue of patience, the virtue of diligence, the virtue of compassion.

[14:07]

And then we chant people. The finder of Zen in Japan or China. Or in this temple, Suzuki Roshan. And then I would say to add to that our relatives. And then the next element of the ceremony is renunciation. Which is a very, within the Zen school, is a very interesting proposition. I gave a talk a couple of weeks ago and I quoted this piece from... You see, I want a lot.

[15:15]

Perhaps I want everything. You know, we could also add, I hate a lot. Perhaps I hate everything. And I also was describing the image of Odysseus, you know, where he... is sailing past the sirens and he instructs his crew to tie him to the mast so he can't be seduced by the signs of the sirens and to block their own ears so that they can keep moving the shoe. So why didn't he just block his own ears and make life a whole lot easier? The very process of being alive is asking us to discover who we are.

[16:25]

To discover how to live. And how can we live if we don't know who we are? And how can we live if we don't know what goes on in the process of living? So the request of renunciation becomes more than just... just block your ears, block your eyes, close down some request to live for it, and steer clear of trouble. I would say, especially in this... the Mahayana school of Zen. There's a sense that we we're opening to what it is to be alive.

[17:34]

To those formidable forces within us that can turn towards unrelenting desire and unrelenting aversion. This is the very stuff we're made of. And within each of us, these forces take up a particularity. We have another set of stories that go with Recently I was talking to someone and we were talking about that her mother had died quite recently. It was reminding me of when my old mother died, which was over 30 years ago.

[18:40]

And reminding me that what extraordinary bond that is you know literally come out of someone's body into your body into your being this irreplaceable relationship this incredible biological connection and that this person has given you some extraordinary gift called mothering. Not to say they did it perfectly. But even so, there was within it some extraordinary gift. And then at some point, for every one of us, unless you've died before your mother, that's cut off. I remember many years, maybe 20 years after my mother died, I was teaching a workshop on loss.

[20:01]

And the notion came up for me that my sadness around loss was inconsolable. And it was the most frightening, devastating notion to me. Inconsolable sadness and loss. And when I saw it for what it was, some spell was broken. It wasn't like, okay, all that's remedied. And now, I don't have a fear or a sadness around loss, but some way in which it could speak with absolute authority. This is so.

[21:07]

This is completely so. This is always so. That myth was challenged. To my mind, this is something that's being pointed at, and Odysseus being tied to the mask and hearing the compelling, the irresistible voice that says, this is so, this is always so, this is absolutely so. And that each of us has such stories within us. And then when we discover how to hear them and feel them, I would say in my own experience that feeling deeply has been more informative than conjuring up insightful ideas.

[22:14]

But when we learn to feel them and see them, being in our capacity to deepen is facilitated. That we have a fuller sense of the proposition of being human. We have a fuller sense of the proposition of being the person that we are. And that this process of seeing and feeling and letting it be completely felt without reacting, without moving into whatever our usual coping mechanism is, whether we flood ourselves with desire or aversion or resurrect a story of inconsolable sadness,

[23:31]

unattainable love. That something's touched. And it adds a clarity. And in a way, I think it's humbling. Because we experience more fully the formidable forces that course through us as humans. And as we do that, we discover we need help. To me, it's a little bit like an AA, you know, you say, my name is Paul and I'm an alcoholic. It's a little bit like saying, my name is Paul and I'm a human being. I am subject to powerful forces.

[24:35]

powerful attractions, and powerful aversions. But in my life, I have woven into my life powerful stories that when they come up, I'm very susceptible to them. But those stories, It's very important that we don't turn this into a battle between good and evil. You know, I have these evil stories within me that have to be eradicated so that good, the good teachings of my teachers can flourish. These stories within me are also teachings. You know, they teach

[25:36]

about the nature of human life. They teach about the psychological territory of my being. They will teach me how to live, how to suffer less, how to enjoy more. And within the ceremony and within our practice, This cultivating the capacity to be open, awake, available, and not get hooked, not just fall into the well-worn reactiveness of desire and hatred. We call this renunciation. And then the question is, how the heck do you do that?

[26:41]

I would say the simple answer is, anywhere you can. It's like, I think many of us think, oh, meditation would be a great thing. could help me be calmer, more centered, more alert, all sorts of wonderful things. But getting from there to actually having a regular meditation practice. You know, how do you do it? Any way you can. If it means, you know, inviting someone over to your house every day to sit with you, fine. If it means saying, okay, well then I'll go to the Zen center because I know they sit there every day. If it means, you know, I'll put a sign on my refrigerator saying, meditate.

[27:50]

Or I listen to Thich Nhat Hanh on my iPod. You know, whatever works for you. The catalyst is letting something be heartfelt. It's letting the chemistry of our being of our intention work its magic and then letting that intention lead to action and the Buddhist teachings and I would say all spiritual traditions have a vast lore of suggestions as to how to do this a vast array of practices that we can take up. We can practice the paramitas, patience, generosity, energy, awareness, concentration, wisdom.

[28:57]

We can practice the ten prohibitory precepts. Don't steal, don't lie, don't kill, don't intoxicate. These that help to guide and hold our life. We can come and hear Dormacogs. We can meet with the teacher. We can eat healthy food. We can exercise. But I would say there's something we already know. We know that. We know we should eat healthy food and exercise. We know we shouldn't rant and rave about good things that annoy us and spend our times hopelessly yearning for what it is we desire. We know it.

[30:03]

How do we get underneath? Rumi's father, who was also a spiritual teacher, said, I really appreciate desire. Because it touches something deeper. So in a way, not to be afraid of our own passion. Trusting that we're already Buddha. So one part of it, it's innate. And then the other part, we earn our own trust. To the extent that we experience ourselves going beyond our obsessions. To the extent that we experience ourselves not selling ourselves short, but touching

[31:15]

and acting from a deeper way of being. In the context of this ceremony, this is called radical honesty. Or we call it avowing our karma. This whole process of touching, acknowledging, experiencing our humanness. And as we touch it, quite consequentially, quite organically, we take refuge in practice. Because to the extent that we're suffering, we quite simply would like to suffer less. but also to the extent that there's something in us that's asking us to be true to our life in a deeper, fuller way.

[32:28]

We want the joy of responding to that. And this is what it is to commit to practice. This is what it is to commit to being in the moment, to being Buddha. This is what it is To watching what comes up for us and letting it teach us rather than trip us up. And this is what it is, to letting our human experience connect us to humanness, our shared humanity. To letting it flow into action, into interaction. To letting it become part of our relationships. to let it be actualized. So we take refuge in our collective being. And then within the symbolism of the ceremony, the person is reborn.

[33:37]

They're given a new name. They're given a new set of clothes. And almost all the spiritual traditions, major spiritual traditions, have this image of being reborn. Being baptized and being cleansed. Taking in the Holy Spirit. There's a shift. Now it would be wonderful if you just had to make a shift once. And that was it. But the sad fact is that it's a daily business. Maybe it's even an hourly business or a moment-to-moment business.

[34:41]

That this commitment in this ceremony you're continually asked, will you do this? And you continually respond, yes, I will. Even after obtaining Buddhahood, even after having your realization, will you continually do this? Yes, I will. And again, we all need support. Whether it's of a practice that we've taken on, whether it's internal working that keeps us connected to how this formulates in our own heart and inspires us. Yes, I will. Not to say that the voices that say, no, I won't, disappear.

[35:45]

They don't. Not to say you don't forget. Not to say that sometimes as you watch yourself say, yes, I will, your heart is saying, sort of. Because there's a continual request, there's a continual opportunity to deepen and ripen. Yes, I will. There's a continual opportunity to say, okay, now. That's how I answer then. Let's see how I answer to this. The teacher here, Category Lewis, used to say.

[36:50]

Continually, everything is forgiven. And we started fresh. This is, yes I will. And this is what upholds the vow of practice. And then that vow becomes action. And the action has a basic attitude. Don't harm, do good. It's very basic. I mean, life is very complex. It's very hard to have a formula. I will always behave just like this. I mean, even if you could, which I think almost all of us can't, even if you could, does life fit into that formula, everything that it presents?

[38:06]

But to cultivate a basic attitude, whatever comes along, in whatever state I'm in, in whatever circumstances I'm dealing with, to meet it. with basic goodness and basic sense of benevolence. And to include within that benevolence that everybody profits, that everybody benefits, that everybody's life thrives. That it isn't a sense of us versus them. It's just us. We're all us. We're all human. We're all on the noble journey from birth to death. And then, in our ceremony, then we take up the more particular precepts of how we live our life.

[39:19]

So in Zen it's a little unusual in that the precepts are the culmination of what you might call this dedicated inner transformation. Then it comes forward. Not to say that in the process that we aren't changing our behaviors. But it's that we find for ourselves that in taking up these admonitions, it's not about compliance. It's about discovering that these admonitions are the direct expression of an awakened life. They're not about, I'm broken and this is how to be fixed. not about I'm doing it wrong and here's the right way to do it it's about this way of living this way of not killing but helping all life to flourish expresses awakened existence it resonates it has a symbiotic relationship

[40:59]

is what's deeply true for living life. So this is the spirit with which we hold the precepts. And then, for good measure, we end by saying, we live like a cloud in an endless sky, a lotus in muddy water. Like a cloud in an endless sky, a lotus in muddy water. One with the complete mind, with the clear, full mind of awakeness. So let me end with a poem I started with. I'll read the whole poem. I edit this judiciously for my own purposes.

[42:06]

By Philip of Lange. I bought a dollar and a half worth of small red potatoes, took them home, boiled them in the jackets, and ate them for dinner with a little butter and salt. Then I walked through the fields to the edge of town. In mid-June, the light hung in the dark furrows at my feet, and in the mountain oaks overhead the birds were gathering for the night, the jays and the mockers squawking back and forth, the finches still darting in the dusty light. The woman who sold me the potatoes was from Poland. She was somewhat out of my childhood in a pink spangled sweater and sunglasses, praising the perfection of all her fruits and vegetables at the roadside stand, and urging me to taste even the pale raw sweet corn trucked all the way she swore from new jersey eat eat she said even if you don't i'll say you did some things you know all your life they're so simple and true they must be said without elegance they must be laid on the table beside the salt shaker the glass of water

[43:27]

The absence of light gathering in the shadows of picture frames. They must be naked and alone. They must stand for themselves. My friend Henry and I arrived at this together in 1963. Before I went away. Before he began to kill himself. And the two of us to betray our love. Can you taste what I'm saying? It's onions and potatoes. A pinch of salt. a wealth of melting butter. It's algros. It stays in the back of your throat like a truth that you've never uttered because the time is always wrong. It stays there for the rest of your life, unspoken. Made of the dirt we call earth, the metal we call salt, in a simple form we have no words for. and you live on it.

[44:38]

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