... [...] Good morning. I often think in relationship to giving cocks in a seven-day sasheen, is that the first three days, it's good to talk about nothing.

[01:19]

And then you can start talking about something. So, thank you for bearing witness and patiently observing and hearing my talks about nothing. Gil Fransdow, who now thinks of himself mostly as a Vipassana teacher, although he has Dharma transmission in our lineage here, he wrote a book that he called Buddha Before Buddhism. He wrote a book which was based on an early sutta. And he called the book Buddha Before Buddhism. And when I read that book on the sutta, when I read the sutta in particular, I was very struck by the emphasis on renunciation.

[02:30]

Not just as a concept, but as a thoroughgoing way of practice. You know? And it made me remember, oh yeah, and when I was practicing in Thailand, that was still the number one agenda. Cut out all clinging, all grasping. Give up all desires. And in coming to the Zen world, aka also known as San Francisco Zen Center, I was struck by a quote from Suzuki Roshi who said, Hinayana practice with Mahayana mind.

[03:35]

So that somehow... We stayed true to those early teachings, but we do it while being part of the context of our lives, being part of the context of our societies, the context of our own version of interbeing with each other, with the whole world, with all. beings on the planet and maybe beyond. So what is it to practice, Hinayana practice with Mahayana mind? So that's the something I'd like to try to talk about. In the spring of 1978, the zendo at Tassahara burned down.

[04:54]

It's still a mystery how exactly the fire got started, but it did indeed burn down very rapidly. And the next morning, we started to build the next zendo, which is the current one we're using, temporary. It was meant to be the temporary zindo. So, whatever it is, 50-something years later, or almost 50, still there. And part of the building of the zindo was we put in a floor, a pole disco, who's a master carpenter as well as a Zen priest, He was at Tassahara and he took charge of creating the new zendo as quickly as possible and, back then, as cheaply as possible.

[05:57]

One of the things he decided upon was a yellow cedar floor in the zendo, which looked very pale yellow. At first glance, it looked white. And then when we finished the floor, we said to Paul, how will we stain it? What should we use? And when should we do it? And how long does it need to dry? And he said, don't stain it. using it will create a finish. You just simply use the Zen Do and then each day during Soji you wet mop it, which is the standard practice in Zen monasteries.

[07:03]

And we thought that this beautiful white floor You know, at Tassajara, when you're walking around in sandals and all that dust, it's hard not to bring it into the zendo on your feet. But since Paul was in charge, we did what he asked. We did actually put a wet mat outside the door, a wet towel, so you could clean your feet somewhat. But in a way, it just didn't work. Pretty soon, they were in that pristine whiteness. There were little animal tracks of where the students came in and where they went back behind the altar, veered to the right or to the left, and went to their seats.

[08:11]

And it really tested our trust in Paul's judgment. Because it looked kind of awful. These sort of dirty tracks across the pristine whiteness. And we kept following instructions. We kept... just kept using it, wet mopping it each morning during soji. And slowly, actually it took a long time, it took years, but slowly the floor started to get covered with the imprint of the oil of people's feet and the imprint of the dust they carried into.

[09:19]

And after about a year, maybe longer, I can't quite remember, we started to get the message, oh, this is what Paul was suggesting, Paul Disco was suggesting. And eventually, the whole floor was covered with these oils and dirt. And somehow, the process of wet mopping it brought out a kind of patina in which covered the floor with a patina in which the grain, the knots in the wood, became evident. And lo and behold, suddenly, after just two or three or four years, which in geological time is suddenly, suddenly we had this beautiful floor.

[10:36]

often occurred to me to ask myself is this our practice we start despite ourselves as it says in the Zen literature we enter practice trailing mud and water and Or more particularly, we bring our karmic self. We project onto the surroundings of the temple. We project onto the other practitioners. We bring our preferences. And we struggle with them. Because indeed, at the heart of our practice, there is also a thoroughgoing renunciation.

[11:52]

In the Zen way, we don't say, oh, whenever you feel like it, get out of bed. And if you feel like it, you can go to the Zendo and do Zazen. five or ten minutes, or maybe even twenty minutes. Now, we take this heritage from Japan, which is quite demanding, and we say, okay, we'll do that. And we expect of each other willingness and an engagement, a wholehearted engagement, in meeting the schedule. A willingness and wholehearted engagement in engaging the ceremony, whether it's chanting in the Buddha hall or eating oryoki or doing soji and wet mopping the floor.

[13:07]

or sweeping the leaves. We bring it all into a place of appreciation. Maybe we can't see the beauty that's being created. Or more likely, there are moments we can see the beauty being created. And in that beauty, there's a sense for us of appreciation. There's a sense of how the practice moves through us, how the practice is expressed by us in ways that go beyond our notions as to what is and what is not practice.

[14:31]

How we attain something or how we create the right consequences or outcomes, that fundamentally we give over. I think of this as the Zen way to be thoroughly renunciate. And in contrast, the ways of early Buddhism we don't cut off our connection to the world even to our families when I was being ordained in Thailand they said you've got to write to your parents back in those days people wrote letters you've got to write to your parents and ask their permission to be ordained

[15:41]

Because when you're ordained, you're not a member of that family. You're a member of the Dharma family, the Sangha. And then when I received the response, which was positive, they said, OK. So this literal renunciation, this social renunciation, this commerce of the world renunciation, and yet with Mahayana mind, they all become the expressions of our practice. we engage them all with no gaining mind.

[16:53]

And just as we bring our gaining mind to Shishin, our mind of preferences, our psychological makeup that creates its own... or contributes to creating its own version of reality and our own version of people who we're practicing with. And at times, it can look like we're leaving animal trails of dirt through the pristine... the pristine admonitions of the Mahayana way. And I think Shishin offers the very same practice in a condensed period of time.

[18:11]

as Shin asks us to give over completely to the schedule. And given the nature of karma and given the nature of clinging and attachments even if we call forth essence very sincere vow to do such a thing, inevitably we interject different aspects of being self. Even when we sit, we take on the embodied history of our life.

[19:23]

We take on and express the mental history of our being. And if we can persuade ourselves to do that wholeheartedly, if we can persuade ourselves when we notice we're getting caught up in some aspect of self, to pause and renew the vow of just being aware and just being what's arising. It's like we're renewing our vow in that moment. And that process of continually renewing our vow is like wet mopping the zendo floor.

[20:28]

In that particular instance, we might feel like, okay, I come back to my body and breath and awareness of now. And then in a couple of minutes, it flew off again. into some other intrigue that makes sense to my being. And that renewal, that wet mopping of our conditioned self, when we can keep bringing it back to our practice, somehow we can arrive at moments like this. In the heartland of Sashin.

[21:39]

And when are we ever not in the heartland of our being? whether we like it or not. And we start to notice that despite whatever dramas or urgencies that are at play within us, the humming sound of the air purifier car, the light and the shadows shining in across the yellowing tatami.

[22:46]

We have moments when the beauty of practice to display itself. And our practice teaches us if you set a goal and then determinedly try to create it, make it happen, force it to happen, the effort stays stuck in striving. And that when we just give over, when we just engage in the practice, in the schedule, in the chanting, in the walking quietly through the halls, when we just give over in that way,

[23:56]

something takes place. And we have our moments of appreciation. And in that appreciation, we are inviting the ease In that appreciation, patience can arise almost as an obvious way to relate to a human life, our own or other people's. Well, of course, each person's being themselves. Do they have any say in the matter? even when they're trying to take on and be like somebody else, still they're themselves.

[25:05]

When my daughter was about 12, the Zen hospice used to be down the street, just past the mini park. And my daughter said to me, I'd like to volunteer at the hospice. I was very involved in the hospice then. I said, okay. It might be nice for the folks who are dying to have a young girl, young lady, be there with them. And then I find out she was being assigned to a particularly grumpy lady who was dying. She seemed to find fault in everything. everything we cooked for her, the care we gave her, the volunteers. And I had some concern that would that be too much for my daughter?

[26:14]

And after her first visit with this lady, I said, well, how was it? How did it go? And she said, she was very grumpy. And I said, and was that okay? Did you, like, were you able to handle it? And she said, well, you know, who wouldn't be grumpy when they're dying? Who wouldn't be grumpy or struggle with... that says, set aside yourself. Set aside your preferences. Set aside your aversions. Thoroughly release. I once asked my grandson a question about Zen.

[27:24]

quite a complicated question. I just wanted to see what he'd say. He was four years old. And I posed my question and he looked up at me and he said, are you talking to me? And I thought, well, that was a pretty great answer. Yeah. There's an old Indian story about the construction of King Ashoka's great library. And the story is about three laborers who were working on it. They were all laying the bricks. And the first laborer was saying...

[28:25]

What a hard job, these heavy bricks. You know, at the end of the day, my back hurts, my hands hurt. How did I end up with such an unlucky situation? And the second laborer says, well, look at the size of this job. This is going to go a long time. I'm going to receive a steady wage, be able to pay for my food, for my family, and take care of all my expenses. And the third laborer says, look at this amazing project I'm working on, an attempt to make a library that includes all the knowledge and wisdom of the world. And I am part of it.

[29:28]

Maybe in one week we can't totally banish our clinging our preferences and aversions. But maybe in our appreciation, in our moments of beauty, we can see together. We can wet mop the floor for the benefit of all beings. we can begin to participate in the practice of all the Buddhas, of all the great sages. Right down to us in this room.

[30:44]

We can participate in that practice. We can participate in its unfolding. It's taking root in a new land. Can we keep reminding ourselves that this is one way at the endeavor. Does it mean that we will totally drop the pain being reactive

[31:49]

to the pain in our knees or our back or our head or whatever else might challenge our equanimity. In the Mahayana mind we just include it. We just let mop it awareness. We turn towards it rather than react and pull away. When you go to Tassajara now, 50 years or so, maybe less,

[32:49]

trying to do the math, 2023 minus 1978, 40-something. On the inside of the threshold of entering this endo, the foots that have planted themselves on that spot, worn the floor right there. The many, many, many foots that have stepped over the threshold and said, yes, I will. Yes, I do. people belonging to those feet have stepped in and gashowed.

[34:02]

Gashowed to the space. When the old Sendo burned down, Paul Disco called every skilled carper he knew, his carpenter he knew, And many, many of them came, stopped their paying jobs, and came to do a job that wasn't going to pay them at all. They just got somewhere to sleep and some food to eat. And many of them just worked as many hours a day as they could. Their physical body would allow them. And many of them were very skilled. So we step into the generosity of others and we bow.

[35:11]

And many, many people with their generosity have created this tatami floor. paid for this ornate brocade bowing mat. And this wonderful fluffy crimson red or burgundy red bowing mat. One of the perks of being Doshi is you get to bow on that bowing mat. wonderfully easy on your knees. Maybe we think we're here doing something special, and in our generosity, in our wisdom and compassion, we're taking care of others.

[36:26]

without the generosity of others, none of this would be here. Each time that we step into the zendo, any zendo, every zendo, each time we step into any room, every room, we meet the opportunity to practice, we meet the Buddha. The Gandhara Buddha at Tassahara, very similar to this one, they were bought by Zen Center through an art dealer called Rudi. And Rudy would get, as he did with each one of these statues, he would get them, and he would say, you, Zen Center, you have to buy this.

[37:43]

And we'd say, we don't have the money. And he'd say, get the money. You have to buy this. So if you're ever wondering, who's the wise person? Who had the foresight to buy all this? It was really... Who was a student of Muktananda? So, the Gandhara Buddha, in the old Zendo, the fire was so intense that the Buddha... stone that the Buddha is made of, pieces of it broke off in the intense heat. And I think it was the de Young Museum or some museum in San Francisco said, bring it here, sweep up all the little pieces and we will restore it.

[38:58]

we will restore it for nothing. It's not because we're going to make a great profit. It's just practice is based on generosity. And so it took them 18 months. They took the little small shards of the gray stone and they grind them down And then they used an adhesive and they replicated the original. So, well, next time you're at Tassajara, take a close look at that statue and see if you can see the places that fell off and were redone. I never could. Sometimes I think that when we're being generous, it's a relief.

[40:17]

That being selfish, picking and choosing, trying to make the world do what we tell it in terms of our preferences, that it causes us such... distrust, that when we're generous, that when we give over, that we just acknowledge the construct of the moment and hold it with awareness and experience it just as it is. As Suzuki Roshi would say, a letter from emptiness. thought from emptiness, a feeling from emptiness. That when we just experience it, when we give attention to it, to the degree to which we drop the self, we feel a relief.

[41:34]

And as that becomes palpable for us, which it does at times, there's a wisdom to it. There's an authority to it that goes beyond anything our mind can conjure up. Sometimes we're just left with a puzzled appreciation or gratitude. Somehow the moment, just as it is, has a fullness. as Pablo Neruda said.

[42:53]

It seems no small thing that a young person to have come here to live their own fire in my life. Well, let me back up a little bit. Replacing my world in which were growing stubborn sorrow, gathering oblivion. And my life changed suddenly as I became part of its pure movement, the sea of existence. And with humility we go back to our cushions to take up once again this practice of in a thoroughly dedicated way dedicating I will be present for what's happening.

[44:14]

Maybe even dropping the I just present for what's happening. And then patiently, generously, diligently, noticing the mind has wandered and experiencing that moment and gently bringing it back to awareness. and that's what it means to be good, but you can let it expand to the right of [...] the right

[45:32]

The new church in the south of America is the last of the world. And the [...] new church in the south of America is the last of the world.

[45:59]

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