Good morning. Good morning. So, welcome, everyone. My name is Toba Green, and I'm very happy to be speaking on Gay Pride weekend. Can everyone hear? Yeah. Okay. I'd especially like to welcome anyone who's here for the first time. So, if you are, would you please raise your hand? Great. Great. Welcome to Zen Center. I would like to thank a few people before I launch into my talk. First of all, our head of practice, Jordan Thorn, for inviting me to give the talk. And my teacher, Linda Cutts, for all her support over the years. And there are many people who helped make this... Pride Weekend, a true celebration at Zen Center.

[01:02]

And I'd like to thank some of those people. First, Jeffrey for his work as outreach coordinator in handling a lot of the logistics of the parade. Gru Lip, our diversity coordinator. Dagon Gator, who co-hosted and has given me a lot of support in many ways, including preparing for today's talk. Ricky, who gave a Pride yoga workshop yesterday, and Richard Urban, who coordinated our Queer Dharma art show that's been on display all month. So I think it's actually fantastic that STEM Center is celebrating Pride for a whole month. And we're participating in the parade again this year. Last year was the first time, at least in recent memory. And there's just a great spirit of embracing the joy and celebration and some of the pain as well of the LGBTIQ community, those of us who practice here and those of us who come here.

[02:26]

for events such as this. So I'm very grateful to the whole sangha, actually. And I'd like to talk about pride this morning. We have a check-in. It's a small ceremony after meditation every morning up in the Founders Hall where we offer it. Incense, the person, the doshi, the priest who led morning service that day offers incense. And then does a morning greeting. And this morning was Jordan, our head of practice. And he said, doesn't pride go before fall? You know, there's that old adage. So I think pride has many negative connotations. And it certainly does in Buddhism.

[03:26]

We chant the metta sutta, the loving kindness meditation. And one of the lines is, let one be strenuous, upright and sincere without pride, easily contented and joyous. Let one be wise but not puffed up. And one of the definitions of pride is arrogance. And that's... certainly not the kind of pride I want to celebrate today. And we tend to value humility in Buddhist practice and at Zen Center, a lot of respect for one another, for the things that we use, the cushions we sit on, the chairs in the dining room, and to recognize our connectedness with the earth, which is the origin of the word humility. And then there are teachings about no self, which is really about understanding that our sense of ourselves is not as permanent or substantial as we might think it is.

[04:39]

But I think that's different from pride, that pride doesn't necessarily involve arrogance or self-aggrandizing not recognizing that the sense of self that we have is always changing, and there is no real permanent self. But I think, especially for people who've been marginalized, pride is a really important antidote for some of the shame we may have felt, and it can be healing. So that's what I want to talk about today. And I thought we might... go to the dictionary first and see what the dictionary has to say about pride. And I found in the dictionary we had downstairs in the library, the American Heritage Dictionary, third definitions. One of them was arrogance or disdainful conduct or treatment, but that was the third one.

[05:43]

And the first one is a sense of one's own proper dignity or value. a self-respect, a sense of one's own proper dignity or value, self-respect. Self-respect, I think, is a very important part of the way in which pride can be healing. And I'll say more about that soon. Pleasure or satisfaction taken in an achievement. a possession or an association. So you can be proud of a group you belong to, proud of something that your friend does, as well as taking pride in some of your own accomplishments. And then pride can also be a cause or source of pleasure or satisfaction. And of course, pride is related to the word proud

[06:44]

which is clear and pleasurable satisfaction over an act, a possession, a quality, or a relationship. And the original origin of pride or pride comes from Middle English and Old French, and prude or prude, and the meanings are brave or virtuous. And then there was the phrase of pride of lions, which is a family of lions. And I don't know why pride was used for lions, but you think of lions and their splendor. And so a family of lions is a pride of lions. And then there was also the phrase proud flesh, which has to do with horses. Have any of you heard that phrase before? So people who know and love horses I think are familiar with that phrase which means the raised part of the skin of a horse which comes after healing from a wound.

[08:01]

So there's a wound and then the scar tissue is called proud flesh and I think That is a very relevant way of thinking about pride in terms of those of us who've been marginalized, which is probably everybody in one way or another at some time in their life, but I'm gonna talk specifically about how it relates to gay and lesbian people or the LGBTIQ community. But I'd like to offer a poem about Proud Flesh. It's a poem by Jane Hirschfeld. The film Hirschfeld is a local poet. She lives in Marin, and she was a Zen student for a number of years earlier in her life. And she also loves horses and rides horses. I've seen her riding at Green Gulch Farm. And this poem is called Where What Binds Us.

[09:02]

There are names for what binds us. Strong forces, weak forces. Look around, you can see them. The skin that forms in a half-empty cup, mares resting into the places they join. Joints don't tread on their own weight. The way things stay so solidly wherever they've been set down. And gravity, scientists say, is weak. And see how the flesh grows back across a wound with a great vehemence, more strong than the simple untested surface before. There's a name for it on horses when it comes back darker and raised. Proud flesh, as all flesh is proud of its wounds, wears them as honors given out after battle. Small triumphs pinned to the chest. And when two people have loved each other, see how it is like a scar between their bodies, stronger, darker, and proud.

[10:14]

How the black hood makes of them a single fabric that nothing can tear or mend. So that phrase, see how the flesh grows back across a wound with great vehemence and stronger than before. I think that's a way of looking at pride as an antidote to shame and a healing quality for people who've been in the closet, been isolated, or been the recipient of hate, prejudice, other forms of oppression. A wonderful thing about today, which I didn't mention, is that it's the 30th anniversary of the Stonewall Uprising. And the Stonewall Uprising happened in New York City.

[11:18]

I'll tell a little bit about it. It is said to have sparked the gay rights movement. And it wasn't the first time gay or lesbian people protested some of the injustices they were experiencing. But because of the circumstances of it, it was publicized and really inspired many lesbian and gay people all over the country to come out and to begin to take pride in who they were. The Stonewall was a bar in Greenwich Village on Christopher Street. And it was... Frequented by mostly men and it was across the street from a park where a lot of street youth spent their time and went to the Stonewall bar. And in those days, this was 1969, it was very frequent for the police to raid gay bars.

[12:28]

So this night, it was a warm summer night and there was a raid on the bar. And this time, the crowd gathered outside and people didn't go away. And they started protesting the police, taking people out of the bar and arresting them. And they began throwing copper pennies at the cops. And then they began throwing larger things. And... And it did become violent. People were arrested. But it led to a sense of outrage in the gay community. And it was very well publicized. Apparently the Village Voice newspaper had offices right across the street, but many, it was photographed and written about. And since then, And it has led to many gay peoples feeling empowered.

[13:38]

Yesterday there was a broadcast on KQED commemorating the 40th anniversary of Stonewall. And two of the speakers are activists in the gay community. community in San Francisco. One of them was Cleve Jones and he said that he grew up in Phoenix and as a very kid he was subjected to physical abuse at the hands of other kids in his school and when he heard about Stonewall he found somewhere he found a Life magazine that had photographs of the uprising. He said he thought maybe I could fight back. And then after high school, he moved to San Francisco and was a street kid for a year. And many of you, if you've seen the film Harvey Milk, in the film Milk, he was one of Harvey Milk's key supporters and organizers. And he's a labor organizer nowadays.

[14:41]

Another person who spoke on that program was Kate Kendall. She was now the executive director of NCLR, the National Committee for Lesbian Rights. She grew up in Utah and in college she was, she described herself as furtively reading lesbian books in the stacks of the library. And that kind of secrecy and isolation and shame about being gay or lesbian was really common before Stonewall. And then the next year there was a a march to celebrate, a march in New York to celebrate the one-year anniversary of Stonewall. And now there are marches all around the world, and usually in June. And the one in San Francisco is the last weekend in June, which is the anniversary of Stonewall. I also found out that Stonewall itself, the Stonewall...

[15:44]

The building where the Stonewall Inn and Bar was located is now a National Historic Landmark in New York. And on the 23th anniversary of the Stonewall Uprising, there was a march in New York which over a million people attended. So it's been a cute event and has, I think, I just remember my first experience at Gay Pride March. I was living in Boston after college, and I went to social work school, was working as a social worker, and I knew I was a lesbian. And I didn't know anyone else who was. It was really a time when people were not open about that. And I had gotten many messages about, you'll be okay when you start having a long-standing relationship with a man.

[16:53]

And there was a diagnosis on the books of the book. diagnostic categories of the American Psychiatric Association that said character disorder, lesbian, character disorder, homosexual. So when I went to my first gay pride march in Boston, which was in the early 70s, and I went with a gay friend, and we went from Cambridge where we lived to downtown Boston, and people were gathering. I'm trying to remember the name of Big Park. If anyone's from Boston, maybe you can. No, it was close to Park Street Station. Boston Commons. That was Boston Commons. And then we started walking down the streets, and the bells of the Arlington Street Church started ringing, and people were...

[17:59]

gathered and cheering as they do here as well. It was so affirming and liberating to be celebrating something that I had to hide. And I think that's the gift of pride in a sense that it's possible for people to come together and celebrate something that has been a source of shame or pain or isolation. So I think it's also possible to feel pride in other people's accomplishments and in In an institution, like last year, when we had our contingent in the pride parade, we had, we called it a floating zendo.

[19:06]

It was a flatbed truck with an altar. And our senior Dharma teacher, Blanche, was sitting zazen as we rode around Market Street. And we had... a head, a big head of the Buddha. It was a puppet. Someone was walking under it. And a banner that's in San Francisco Zen Center. And then another banner that was put together by the farm apprentices at Green Gulch. We're here, we're queer, we're Buddha. And many people marched who who are not LGBTIQ people, but wanted to support and enjoy and celebrate with us. And I was sitting on a truck last year, and I was just amazed at how many people standing as we walked and rode by were bowing to us and waving.

[20:14]

And there were people of all ages. There were families. you know, men together and women together and some people of Asian origin who I, you know, they were bowing and I just felt very moved by the appreciation for us and I think some, you know, for us being able to march as Buddhists and to be able to celebrate together. this community to be able to celebrate. So we're going to be doing this again tomorrow and I hope some of you will join us. Just check the time. So there have been a couple of other events recently when I felt really proud of Zen Center. One of them

[21:16]

happened a few weeks ago when the California Supreme Court ruled that, you know, the vote that was taken last November was still valid and there were protests at Civic Center. And a number of clergy protested as well. And some of them did civil disobedience. One of them was one of our priests, John Adraka, did civil disobedience. And the rabbi of a synagogue that I'm a member of, Rabbi Angel, did civil disobedience. And I went to synagogue that night and heard her talk about her decision to do it. It was the first time she had ever committed civil disobedience. And beforehand, she called her partner and daughter, who's about six, and asked them what they thought she should do. And they said, Camille, you have to commit civil disobedience.

[22:18]

You're doing it for the whole congregation. And I was very proud of her and proud of Jana and appreciative of people who were willing to put their bodies together. on the line, so to speak, and do that for all of us. And then that day Zen Center came out with a statement, here it is. It was a statement regarding the Supreme Court proper decision. And I'll just read a little bit of it. For many years, San Francisco Zen Center has performed same-sex weddings as well as opposite-sex weddings for couples interested in receiving the 16 bodhisattva precepts as the foundation of their marriage. Zen Center supports the right of any couple to marry using the same ceremony and with the same spiritual foundation.

[23:25]

We see this as a human rights issue and want to extend our support at this time. So, um... I really appreciated Zen Center for writing that statement and making it available so quickly and without any hesitation at all. So I think in terms of feeling the strength after wounding, to feel the support of one's community is so important. So I'd like to speak about another quality that we try to develop in our practice. It's called sympathetic joy. It's one of the four birds of the Buddha, four Brahma Viharas. They're also sometimes called the four immeasurables.

[24:28]

And the fur are loving kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity. And they all are qualities, the positive mind states that we can arouse in ourselves, but also then radiate out to others. And the point of these qualities, or developing the qualities, is not to hold on to them, but to share them widely. And so sympathetic joy, or mudita, as the Pali name, is taking delight in the happiness of another. It's redressing at their prosperity, success, or good fortune, rather than begrudging it in any way. And the root of the word mudita means to have a sense of gladness, to be pleased. And it helps, I find cultivating sympathetic joy is really helpful for me when I'm envious of somebody,

[25:33]

might have some judgments about something someone's done or start comparing myself to someone else. Sympathetic joy, it was interesting, one way in which I learned about sympathetic joy was on a pilgrimage to China with my teacher, Linda Cutts, and there were 32 women who went on this pilgrimage. And of course, we were drawn occasionally to do some shopping. And, you know, it was sometimes easy to think, well, I like the Kuan Yin statue she got. I wish I had one. You know, why weren't there two like that? And then at the end of the day, we would sometimes show each other some of the things we had acquired. And Linda started talking about sympathetic joy and being happy for one another and finding a Kuan Yin or a mala that was, you know, a lovely gift for someone or whatever it was.

[26:46]

And then we had one evening where we all shared what we had acquired and practiced being happy for one another's. And big toast and joy, you know, because each thing we purchased to bring home, like, We got a wonderful Kwanian statue for Green Gulch. It was so much more fun to celebrate these joys than to feel jealous. And I've tried to carry that out into other occasions where I might feel envious of someone being asked to do a zender job that I wanted. It's infinite. You can find many ways of practicing this. And it's also really important to practice sympathetic joy for those we may not feel so drawn to, not just for our friends, but for everyone. So I think practicing sympathetic joy is a way that our community has responded.

[27:57]

I think to the LGBTIQ members of the community and to the wider community as well, and to understanding that it's really beneficial for all of us to celebrate gay pride. It doesn't only benefit those of us who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, but all of us benefit from gay pride. the happiness and the hearing of any group of us that is marginalized. So you can expand that to any group that has been on the fringe or not well represented. And I think that is the importance of our working on inclusivity at Sand Center. And I think we've come a long way with that and we still have more work to do. But it's really important to have allies, to have people who will both understand the things that are painful in your experience and celebrate the things that bring you happiness.

[29:10]

So I would like to share one other poem. It's part of a poem. by Adrienne Rich. The whole poem was a little too long. The name of the poem is Dreams Before Waking. Adrienne Rich is a lesbian poet who used to live on the East Coast but has been living in Santa Cruz for some time and she's I think about 80 years old. She was one of the poets who inspired me when I was coming out and I had the opportunity of hearing her read a few times. So, Dreams Before Waking. What would it mean to live in a city whose people were changing each other's despair into hope? You yourself must change it. What would it feel like to know your country was changing? You yourself must change it. Though your life felt arduous, new, and unmapped, and strange...

[30:24]

What would it mean to stand on the first page of the end of despair? So I think we all have the opportunity to stand on the first page of the end of despair. Whenever we're feeling despair, what can we do to change it? To change not only our own personal situation, but to change our city, to change... well, to change our community, our city, and our world. And an aspect of sympathetic joy that I didn't mention is part of it is sharing the merit. So if you, it's something we do frequently at Zen Center at the end of our service when we have been chanting and offering vows and incense, we dedicate the merit of that service to the well-being of people everywhere.

[31:32]

And so I think in this Dreams Before Waking, the idea of contributing our practice, our joy, our energy, to making the world a better place for others is a way of expressing the fruits of our practice or the gratitude we may feel for what we do have and for the ways in which we do feel supported. And I think, you know, and I think about all of the ways in which I've been feeling supported by Zen Center, as well as by, you know, walking up Castro Street, seeing all the rainbow flags and feeling this, this is, Juna is a wonderful month in San Francisco.

[32:36]

But when I think about Zen Center, Zen Center is each one of us. It's each person in this room and people who couldn't be here today. And we each have something to contribute towards making our community a place that welcomes everyone and can hear some of the, or contribute to the strength after wounding. So I would like to end with a song. And this is a song I heard many years ago when I lived in Boston written by Fred Small. And he said that a lesbian friend asked him to write a song that she could sing to her nine-year-old son. So this is the song.

[33:39]

It's called Everything Possible. We have cleared off the table with the leftovers soaked, washed little shells and put them away. I have told you a story and tucked you in tight at the end of your knockabout day. As the moon sets itself to carry you to sleep over the midnight sea. I will send you a song that I'm saying to me May I keep your good company You can be anybody you want to be You can love whomever you will You can travel any country where your heart leads And know I will love you still

[34:43]

You can live by yourself. You can gather friends around. You can choose one special one. And the only measure of your words and your deeds will be the love you leave behind when you're done. The girls who grow up strong and bold, the boys quiet and kind, Some raise sun ahead, some follow behind, some go in their own way in time. Some women love women, some women love men, some raise children, some never do. You can dream all the day with a reaching wind of everything possible for you. Don't be rattled by names, by taunts, by games that seek out spirits too.

[35:50]

If you give your friends the best part of yourself, they will give the same back to you. You can be anybody you want to be. You can love whomever you will. You can travel any country where your heart leads and know I will love you still. You can live by yourself. You can gather friends around. You can choose one special one. And the only measure of your words and your deeds will be the love you leave behind when you're gone. Well, I'd like to thank everyone for your attention and may we enjoy Pride weekend.

[37:02]

Watch with us tomorrow if you like. celebrate the 40th anniversary of Stonewall. And may the merit of this talk be of benefit to all who are marginalized and to all of us who can make a difference. Thank you very much.

[37:19]

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