Okay. That's a little bit of a practice I noticed in Japan. When anything was called for, everybody did it with great energy. There's a koan which goes, right answer, three blows, The wrong answer, three blows. Praise and blame are interesting things. We really crave praise and don't want to be criticized. At least, that's true of me. I don't know if that's true for you. I was reading this autobiography by Shen Yang, who's a Chinese... who's a very good, very good teacher.

[01:06]

He talked about a time when one of his teachers, he was sort of director and charter of the monastery, and the abbot said to him, there are three tiles missing on this roof here. Could you get them replaced? So Shenyang went and found these tiles which were very similar. and brought them in to replace them. And he said, no, they're not the same tile. So then he went and found tile, which is the same, very similar. It was actually the exact same tile, but it wasn't from the same batch. So it was slightly off. He said, no, but... So then Shen Yang was disappointed, but... He gave up for a while. There's an echo in here. Hello?

[02:19]

So two months went by and finally the abbot said, strangest thing, I found these three tiles and they're from the same batch. So we can criticize the teacher for putting the student through paces just to get him uncomfortable. Or it could be like Shen Yang who noticed how his desire to please was so strong that he wanted some praise for doing the right thing. And the teacher wouldn't praise him. The problem is when we're praised, we get puffed up. But almost as bad as when we're criticized, we get deflated or angry.

[03:36]

How dare that teacher do that to him? Ken Gary Roshu is one of my teachers and he was very It was great to be around. He always had good vibes. But whenever I tried to freeze him, he would get mean. And eventually I got it. He got mean because I was sullying our relationship by trying to get something from him rather than just the relationship itself, which was pretty good. Tassajara, I've noticed that when people first come to Tassajara, they're tested.

[04:44]

People test them and it becomes clear what areas you're not supposed to question them on and what areas are okay. And people hold back on their criticisms. But then at some point in this day at Tassajara, you begin to open up. And then everyone would criticize what it was. We had a tea teacher here, Nakamura-san, at Green Gulch many years ago. And she would say, how fragile we are, even a cloudy day and we feel sad. Even somebody's disapproval of us gets us really upset. Zen practice is not about approval or disapproval.

[05:50]

It's about being authentically who you are. Now, approval and disapproval, you can learn. It's information. Somebody didn't like that. Somebody liked that. A fellow teacher and I were discussing something, and he didn't want me to use the term Roshi for some other person. And I thought he had an okay case. I could go either way. And then he went to, so I kind of acknowledged that, but then I turned around and said, another coercion. Because he didn't want to be coerced by the use of the name for somebody else, he was trying to coerce me into not using the name because it would make him feel better. Do you understand? Hello?

[07:07]

I will try harder. So this person was, I'll tell the story over again, okay? So this person was trying to convince me not to use that term in front of him because it was disturbing to him. And he said it with great energy and anger. And I said, well, it's not such a big deal. Then I turned around and said, another coercion. Because she felt pushed around by the use of that term for somebody. He wants her to push everybody else around to use that term. You know, when you're a teacher, people want your approval.

[08:12]

They want your approval for good reasons. They want your take on things. But they also want so that they're there to puff them up. So often a teacher is very kind to everybody around them except for the person they're intensely working with. You know that picture of Suzuki Roshi in the hallway? He's very serious. Everybody's saying, well, didn't he smile all the time? Not if you were a student. So people think that also that the clothes you wear are compliments to you. I'm wearing this beautiful robe which was made for me.

[09:18]

And I like wearing it. This is my first debut showing. But... And I may be a little puffed up wearing it. It looks like I'm hovering above the cushion. And this is true of people who become ordained. They want to become priests because they think it's an acknowledgement of their talents. But rather, being ordained is actually giving somebody a problem. They say, well, you think you can take care of your own practice? Now see if you can take care of other people's practices too.

[10:25]

Now other people are going to expect more from you and going to criticize you more and give you more feedback. That's the kind of compliment it is. So I think that Zen practice is not about the amount of titles you have or the clothes you wear or the position you have, but the quality of presence you have with other people. You know, recently I've been noticing that I've always thought that my teaching was very important.

[11:29]

And teaching is important. But it's more about the example that you set than about the words that you speak. Your practice is more about the practice you can embody rather than the practice you can talk about. I try to welcome criticism. It's hard to do, but I try to do that. Not that the criticism is right. Not that the praise is right. But it's information. So we're all rather needy for praise.

[12:45]

And when I show people my paintings, I don't want to hear what they think is wrong with them. But that's important to know. I think that's true of many artists that But just like with Katagiri Roshi, Katagiri Roshi and I were at the airport one time with Norman, and that was often a place where I could have doks on with Katagiri Roshi. She was at the airports who were waiting for the planes. I said to him that many American teachers

[13:50]

are quite good and they give good examples of from their own lives of practice but there's something about Asian teachers even not so good Asian teachers there's some kind of warmth or presence or something that's what I want to learn from you how do I learn that so this is one time she did praise me he said Norman did you hear that question that's a great question And he said, when people see me, Kategori Roshi, they don't see the years he spent with his teacher just doing stuff. And since I've been Kategori Roshi's attendant, I knew what he meant. My job was to carry the incense and take care of his appointments. And he didn't mess with me about that. His job was to do the teaching and

[14:53]

put the incense in the pot. And that's what he did. And that's what the teaching of the practice was about. Each person taking care of their space together with another person. And when I wanted his approval or praise, that got in the way. It messed things up. And if he had some criticism of me, he would just say it directly and let it go. So, one thing that's difficult. If you want to give somebody feedback...

[15:54]

sometimes you have to think of the most convoluted ways to do it. Or you can just directly say it. And the people who you can just directly say it to are the students that you have for life. Because they understand that it's just something direct. It's not a mark. Criticism isn't who you really are, nor is praise who you really are. So it's really good to have friends who can tell you the truth.

[17:11]

And there are certain people who really enjoy telling you the truth. They're okay, but it's better to have somebody who just wants to tell you the truth without enjoying it or not enjoying it. I was one... one practice period at Tassajara. This was when we were carrying the Kaisaku, the stick, a lot. There was one night when I stayed up all night during Sashin, sitting.

[18:17]

Now that may seem like a great thing, but it was easy. I was just, I was in the mood and I kept going. But the next morning, the next morning, I couldn't stay awake in the Zendo. And there was first period in the morning. I was up all night, but then as soon as the morning began, I became sleepy. And there was one person who was using the kaisaku who enjoyed it too much. And you would get to know those people who enjoyed it too much and those people who hated doing it. And the people who enjoyed it too much usually would hit you well.

[19:22]

But the people who didn't like it would often hit you wrong and be more hurtful. I think I'm gonna have to stand. So this one morning, I would usually be kind of annoyed at the person and say, didn't she realize that I stayed up all night? I wasn't.

[20:26]

I thought she was doing her job. I was sleepy. She was doing her job and she hit me. Now, the fact that she hit me every time she passed was a little excessive, but I just thought that she was very zealous. It wasn't a criticism. It was information. And the fact that she was enjoying it was just information to me about her. So praise and blame. As I was saying, it's so good to have a friend or a teacher who will just tell you the way they see it. And they might even be wrong, but you know that's the way they see it. They're giving you feedback as to how they experience you.

[21:26]

It's such a relief to have someone who's so honest. Because reality isn't the way you want it to be, it's the way it is. So someone who can live with you the way things are, that can't be beat. That can't be beat. Oh, so I went to Japan and did some fancy ceremonies and I've got this fancy robe and my job is to make sure I'm not puffed up about it. Of course, the fact that my body won't let me... I think it's important to realize how fragile we are to how much we're affected by other people's opinions about ourselves and how we can't listen.

[23:17]

The point is to listen, not that the person who's speaking to you is right or wrong. But it's the way they see it. And to thank people who criticize you is even better. Most of the time we don't thank them because we hope maybe they won't say it again. So Zen practice is not about how many sessions you sit, how many robes you have, or how many students you have. It's not about that.

[24:20]

It's about being authentically who you are, whoever that is. And to try for a little improvement. I know a teacher who said, if I broke a precept, I would kill myself. Now this is a person who many people think has broken many precepts. But you don't want to tell them that. So it's, he only gets people who praise him. So this is the first time I'm wearing my robe and I only got two days

[25:43]

warning that I was going to talk. And they're tearing up the streets so half of you can't hear it. And it's around the holidays, so not so many people are here. And isn't that perfect? It's just as it should be. One thing I noticed in Japan was the monks were very rigorously trained for about six or seven years. And they were given all the empowerments at that time. And it's a conveyor belt. Everybody gets them. And in Japan, they feel a little bit like maybe it's a little too easy.

[26:45]

In America, we practiced for 10, 20 years with very little acknowledgement. A little bit more reflecting way, not the energy way that Japan has. And Japanese think that's pretty good. But we as Americans, maybe we have low self-esteem and that plays into it. I don't know if that's so good either. So don't believe it. If someone has Dharma transmission, that's good. If someone doesn't have Dharma transmission, that's good. If someone's practiced in Japan, that's good. Someone hasn't practiced in Japan, that's good. Someone wears colorful outfits, that's good.

[27:55]

Someone does drab black, that's good. All these measures we try to make stories, while the reality of the person in front of you, you can feel. You don't have to know their stories. Even a cloudy day and we feel sad. Someone says something critical of us and we're angry or devastated. Someone says something good about us and we're... Praise three blows.

[28:57]

Blame three blows. That's the compassionate way. At least for today.

[29:15]

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