Good evening. So how'd you do with your homework? Piece of cake, interesting. Okay, any details to a piece of cake? So you said piece of cake to me? No. Oh no, you're coming. think I did it right. I have all these ways of trying to trick myself and whoever else is watching. So I noticed that. I was having a conversation with my partner coming across the bridge yesterday, and I said something that I didn't realize was hurtful. And she, at some point, let me know that she was hurt by it. I said I was really apologetic and expressed that I understood why she might have been hurt, as I said.

[01:17]

And I wanted that to be the end of it, and that it'd all be OK now. But it wasn't. You know, you just don't get over something like that quickly. So there was that really yucky, yucky feeling. in the call. And I really wanted it to go away. And I was quiet and thinking about what to say, what to say that would make it go away. Do I change the subject? Do I talk about something? Do I say something funny to make her laugh? All the kinds of strategies I usually use. And then I thought, oh, homework. Usually I forget homework. So I was like, I'm going to do it now because I'm not So I thought, OK, I'm going to turn towards this. And what I did was to name it.

[02:20]

I said, April, I feel really yucky right now, and I want it to go away. So I'm sitting there in silence, but I'm really thinking about ways to kind of get out of this feeling. But Paul said that I'm supposed to turn towards it. And I talked with her about it after class last week. And she just listened. And I thought, OK, that didn't really work. It's still there. What I noticed was that I really wasn't doing what I thought I was doing. I mean, I thought to turn towards it meant to say something about it, to bring it But in doing that, I was aware that I was also trying to get rid of it by bringing it out. So I got really stuck in that. Yeah. And I never figured it out. So I was hoping you'd fix it for me. We'll do.

[03:23]

A couple of three paragraphs done. Dominic takes a shot at fixing it. All right. Thanks. Yeah. It's interesting. You turn towards it and you think, okay, and where's my reward? And I'd like my reward to be that I get what I want. That sounds fair. I'm practicing. It should go my way. But the truth is, it'll do whatever it does. It'll be pleasant or unpleasant, what you wanted or what you didn't want. That's the exacting nature of actualizing our karmic existence. It's that even though we might say, okay, look at me, I'm doing it, but I'm kind of like pulling in my agenda with me.

[04:29]

Guess what? That's what you're going to see. You still got a handbag here with your karmic agenda in it. Or not? The very process of actualizing, by that I mean you take your intention and you turn it into action. You engage it in the present experience. The very process of doing that illuminates, makes more evident what's going on. And not only that, the process of actualizing engages and intensifies the relationship between the intention and the karma of the moment. Thanks a lot. Did you want to say anything, Sherry? Well, it's not as specific.

[05:33]

It has more to do with the sitting and something that came to me, being very still and then noticing how much, almost on a cellular level, there's this heart that wants to go out and meet the sound or a thing, and realizing how easy it is to get caught in that chaos, as you were talking about. And I don't know, somewhere in there, it just clicked a little bit what it might be. to really not engage in the chaos, but to just stay there when it's all crazy around you. Not that I know that I can do it that well, but something about really staying right bodily, right there, almost. Instead of, I don't know, maybe it's just my karma or whatever, but I just noticed there's this sort of leaning out whenever there's something coming in.

[06:38]

so to speak. And I don't know, I don't know yet if I can manage to do that in like a really truly hectic situation, but that was the inkling. Yeah. Well, it's a challenge because it's not so much about not engaging the chaos. No, not getting caught. Yeah. And then what is not getting caught? You know? I mean, if the challenge is sent me to be you know, detached, well, then it's pretty easy. You just stay icy cool in the middle of the flames. But if it's non-attachment, then it gets a little trickier. And then if it's complete engagement without separation. I wondered, actually, how do you Maybe that's the question that actually I ended up with was, how do you stay with the intensity of what's happening without somehow leaning in, now that I know how to do that?

[07:44]

Yeah. And again, hopefully, as we go through the next four paragraphs, you'll see how Dogen tries to respond to this. Hers is 4 and mine is 3, Dan. No comparative mind. You're going to get to my . And the thing to note about that is that so you get the theory, you get the ideal, you get the principle. And in some ways it's not so helpful to start refining the principle and making it more exquisitely complicated. it's really more you put yourself into it and out of putting yourself into it the challenges will start to become apparent and it's a little bit like it's asking of you a deeper intention like maybe the first intention is turn towards it and then the second intention is

[09:01]

move towards it. And then the third intention is engaging. And so as we continue to practice and our karmic life presents itself and presents its aversion and attraction, and then you turn towards it and you start to engage it, then that brings up a new set of challenges. How do you actually engage something? Your karma, your habitual response is saying, push away, push away, separate, stop it. I don't like it when there's tension between us, let's fix it, stop it. Anyone else have anything? What I've been doing for the last part of my life, trying to meet situations without consciously bringing attitudes, prejudice, or baggage to it to fully meet it.

[10:17]

And from time to time, I get lost. It's like, what planet am I? I lose the reference points within it. But then when I get comfortable with that, that lack of reference points, I find that things that normally I avert from are much easier to engage with. Because it's the baggage, it's the attitudes, it's the preconceptions that I'm bringing that are the barriers. And so it's not fully perfecting, but it's the teachings. And sometimes in the refinement of Zen teachings, we talk about a series of barriers. You could say the first barrier is to turn towards the experience despite your karma, despite your wish to grasp it or push it away, to turn towards it. And then sometimes in the teaching, it says, that's 90%. Because that is such an incredibly deeply ingrained impulse.

[11:26]

level, our very life, our happiness, our contentment, and in some visceral way, our very survival, depends on how we negotiate our experiences. And what are we going to use as our criterion for how we negotiate them? The product of our experience. And what comes along with that? The product of your responses and how they habituate it. However, in that habituation, there's something that then doesn't meet the moment with what's called in Zen original mind. When our mind is saying, oh, this is just a replay of what always happens to me. Well, if you say so, guess what? That's how it will be experienced. And guess what?

[12:30]

It will stimulate The response is, you always meet what happens to you with. And the challenge is, can you meet it with the original mind? Can this be an original event? And so there's a challenge, therefore, is to negotiate within ourselves the deep, visceral impulses of our habits. that are in a way, you know, about our survival, about our happiness, about our contentment, about not being trapped in loneliness, being unloved, and all those powerful forces for us. Not being trapped in them and entranced by them, somehow turning towards this moment just as it is. And then Dogen's saying in the first paragraph, to just keep that intention, to just keep doing that, that's continuous practice.

[13:45]

And then he goes on, in case you don't think that's a big deal, he just says how absolutely wonderful, superlative, the practice of all Buddhas that this is. And in some ways you could say, Only a Buddha can do that. Only a Buddha can meet each moment with that kind of impeccable presence that isn't swayed, obscured, or distracted by karmic horizons. But then Dogen turns it on its head and says, to do that is to become Buddha. And actually, when you do that, it's not a matter of this happens and then that happens. The very moment of doing is completely actualized. And that's Buddha being. And then the second paragraph says, Accordingly, this continuous practice of all Buddhas and ancestors, when this is done, the great way the road opens up.

[14:59]

As we start to do this, the nature of practice, the request of practice, the activity of practice, the fruition of practice starts to be right there in front of you. Right there in the car with your partner and what's happening. There it is. This is the realm of practice. It's not in some mystic peak. in ancient China. It's right there where you are. And it's the heritage of all the teachings and the request of practice that makes that so, but it's also what has arisen in you. You actualize that opening too. Your continuous practice, the continuous practice of all the Buddhas is actualized and the great road of all the Buddhas opens up.

[16:08]

Your continuous practice creates this continual circle of the way. By this practice, Buddha ancestors abide as Buddha, none abide as Buddha, have Buddha mind and attain Buddha. Abide as Buddha. Abide in the behavior and conduct and disposition of Buddha. Don't abide in that. Don't just sort of stay with the principle, but go beyond it into full engagement. Yes? How would you describe the behavior in conduct and disposition of the Buddha? You think so? How would I describe it? Well one way to think about it is the precepts. And then another way to think about it is all the admonitions of practice.

[17:19]

Formal, informal. It's like how to awaken, take on the demeanor, the practices of the awakened one. And then the very next phrase is non-abiding. It's not so much I'm doing this, it's that in the actualizing, Buddha gets lost, self gets lost, abiding and non-abiding get lost, and there's just activity. Just completely do it. So from this grind of observance of the practice entering completely into the moment, or as Dovin calls it, actualizing. And then in that moment of actualizing, Buddha being is. So actualizing and realizing kind of synonymously?

[18:23]

That's a good question. Not exactly, because, as Dylan talks about later, it can be actualizing and realizing, or it can be actualizing without realizing. That's where he goes next, after he gives this its due. So then the next paragraph he says, Because of this practice, there's the sun, the moon, and the stars. Because of this practice, there's the great earth and the open sky. Because of this practice, there's body, mind, and its environs. Because of this practice, there's the four great elements and the five skandhas. One way to just think about this is, as long as we're wrapped up in our own head, as long as we're wrapped up in our own stories,

[19:25]

That's what we're experiencing. We're experiencing our stories. We're experiencing our memories and our fears and our anticipations. We're experiencing our projections. That's what our life is. And it's only in this actualizing, it's only in these moments when we wake up that the world becomes apparent. This is what's happening. Another way to think about it is to think of quantum physics or codependent arising, which in some ways say the same thing, which is that subject and object create each other. In the moment of awareness, presence brings forth the existence of the moment. It's the engagement that brings it forth.

[20:32]

So another way to think of it is he's saying, this is how all this quite literally comes into being. We are part of the co-creation of the cosmos, the sun, the moon, and the stars. We're part of the co-creation of the earth and the sky. We're part of the co-creation of the body, the skandhas, the mind. the elements. Continuous practice is not necessarily something people in the world love. Wouldn't it be great if we just loved to practice? If awareness and presence was just so much more interesting to us than our memories and our fears and our desires and our anxieties. Just imagine if we sat to us and

[21:32]

If all your impulses were just towards being fully present, that would not be good. Continuous practice is not necessarily something people in the world love. And I'd like to compare some of the translations here, because I think some of these words, as we get into So now what Dogen's starting to do, he's like he's going to go into another level. First of all, he's saying, like, this is it. And now he's saying, now he's going to start with that. OK. And when you start to do it, then you start to notice. Sometimes in the methodology of sin, all you get is the first two paragraphs.

[22:44]

And then you don't get any more until you've shown and demonstrated your involvement in them. And if you don't show your involvement in them, you just get the first two paragraphs again. This is what Cohen practice is. You just get told the same thing time and time again. Because you're being asked to demonstrate that you're doing it. So please, the challenge is always cultivate devious and maybe devious is not the right word maybe it is not so much to cultivate the very detailed notion of what practice is asking with all its subtleties and variations but more

[24:07]

find in your own experience. Just like Carolyn was saying. Sometimes there I was, I brought up the sincerity, I brought up the commitment. What if there was more to it than that? Some part of me was still saying, and am I going to get what I want? Look at what a good girl I'm being. When's the reward? Sometimes continuous practice is not necessarily something people in the world love. Even that in itself. In one way, that seems like a pretty simple statement. We don't always want to practice. Yeah. But then if you think about it, when we're so-called resisting or holding by, there's something that keeps stirring.

[25:24]

I remember once I was told to the bedside of someone who was close to dying. It's likely three days or so from dying. And he said, and he lived near Hartford Street Zen Center. He lived in Hartford Street, actually. but across the street. And he says, once I was walking across the street about 11 years ago, and Isan was walking the other way. And he gave me a big smile and said, hello. And he was so friendly, I couldn't walk that way. I turned away. But it really set me thinking, I've got to practice. No, I just do it. And then 11 years later, he's lying in bed dying. And he says, could you teach me to practice? Could I start now?

[26:25]

Sometimes it seems like we're so devious in our ways to hold back from practicing. And then another way, it seems like there's some way something that just can't be denied. But it's there, even when there's a lot of yammering, distracting on the surface. Something underneath never forgets its true course. How else would we rise wayseeking mind by someone just smiling at us and saying hello? How else could we hold it for 11 years? on our deathbed would that be our agenda so that too so as we take on the radical honesty of looking at who we are as a person it's very important to hold this amazing part of us that has such a deep reverence

[27:44]

respect, and commitment to practice. Because that's there too. And it's true, when you practice awareness, it is going to show you all your karmic activity. All the ways you can sit silent and spend 30 minutes, 40 minutes, seemingly doing everything, but just being body and being breath. And that's what Darwin talks about in the next couple of paragraphs. Continuous practice is not necessarily something people in the world love. And then Kaz translates it as, it should be the true place of return for everyone. Let me see if I can reference that word, should be. What was that?

[28:45]

The other translation is maybe. Maybe. You can. Continuous practice is not something ordinary people are fond of, but nevertheless it is the true refuge for everyone. Yeah. Yeah. And which translation is that? Francis Cook. Yeah. And in this translation, it says must be. Must be. Maybe. Should be. Should be. Well, maybe what we can conclude is that somehow, even though we don't love it, we still have a relationship with that in the deep request and expression of practice. Even if we put it off year after year until we're lying on our dead bed, death bed,

[29:49]

We do something about it. We revere, aspire to, trust, respect. Yes? What instruction would you give to the person who is about that? I gave him a mantra and I gave him the practice of much as possible, feeling his body, feeling his body against the sheets, feeling the sensations in his body, feeling the pain in his body, feeling the breath in his body.

[31:09]

Those were the two practices I did. And then it sort of declined before we could go anywhere else for that. Yeah. The practice of hurting the boards, whatever it is we project for itself. For me, for example, the part of me that's in pain is hurting. And there's another part that's purported. Just wondering if that's, it seems like that the part that's hurting will always be there. And then one can still find freedom or liberation while feeling suffering sometimes.

[32:18]

Like that. I don't think it was specifically to not feel pain. I mean, it wasn't a kind of a magical cure. You know, do this and you won't feel pain. here's some practices you could do that could help you to give in your physical and mental condition.

[33:27]

So the mantra was to address, you know, as your health declines, it's much harder to focus and to concentrate and to have something more tangible, like something you actually say, even more tangible to say, I'd like. It's a way to help the mind to make contact, to bring some focus attention. Just general physical awareness. But it wasn't so much to sort of say, and this will, this is going to cure you. It's more, this is a way to enter into the present moment. And also the way you framed it is in this part of me. It's helpful, even though it just seems like a linguistic convention, if we can think, OK, well this feeling arises, this sensation arises, and this sensation arises.

[34:40]

Now which one of them is me and which one of them is not me? All sorts of experiences that can arise for us. And sometimes it's helpful. It's actually clarifying to allow for the complexity or even contradictory nature of what arises for us. Which I think you were alluding to, you know, that we can be both, you know, be sincerely. deeply and sincerely moving towards engagement and at the same time getting distracted or pushing it away. Continuosity's practice is not necessarily something people of the world love, but it should be

[35:47]

the true place of return for everyone. It may be the true place of return. It must be the true place of return. Because of the continuous practice of all Buddhas, of the past, present, and future, all Buddhas of the past, present, and future are actualized. In fact, what I was saying a little bit when I was talking about codependence arising, that when there's presence, presence brings into being the experience of the moment. So all Buddhas, past, present, and future are presence, they're awakenedness.

[36:53]

And the awakenedness of all Buddhas brings into being the reality, the tangible expression of that being, which is all Buddha. This is the unceasing circle of Dovatopsida, the spontaneous arising. This is co-dependent origination. arises in relationship to this maybe we could say in a more mundane way that when we engage our aspiration our intention to practice it gives rise to

[37:54]

our aspiration and attention to practice. Usually, as we endeavor in the way, in an active way, something is stimulated and arised about endeavoring in the way. And it's like when you push aside your practice, when you neglect it or forget it, Quite literally, it just becomes less relevant or significant. So maybe that's a more mundane way of saying the same thing. Yes, Fred. Isn't that still focusing? I mean, once you begin the learning, isn't it? It's how I do so. It's interesting because that's exactly what Dogen says in a couple of paragraphs later.

[39:10]

It's still practice. I was just thinking about that. And I would say this. pushing away intentionally or with awareness and then there's just the sort of it's almost like a neglectful avoidance or more like using like a forgetting maybe that isn't really pushing away but it's something about with or without an awareness Yeah. Well, that's exactly the point Dolan gets into, starts to explore the next paragraph, whether or not there is awareness.

[40:26]

Can you talk to your physical? The effect of such sustained practice is sometimes not hidden. Or the other translation says evident. I think maybe it's a little bit easier to understand. The effect of such sustained practice is sometimes evident. Therefore, you aspire to practice. So when you engage your practice, and like almost everyone, maybe for everyone, when you do and you experience a moment of concentration and calm, it's inspiring. It's motivating. I'm doing it. I'm getting it right. It's working. Of course, all these are extra. These are all your commentaries on the experience.

[41:28]

But even in the midst of that, You know, there is the experience, there can be the experience of release of affliction. There can be the experience of ease. There can be the release from distraction. So when it's evident, when sustained practice has evident consequences, that's motivating you. Therefore, you aspire to practice. The effect is sometimes not apparent. Therefore, you might not see, hear, or know it. Understand that although it's not apparent, although it's not revealed, it's not hidden. So this is another point he's making. He's saying here, it's like sometimes when we're practicing,

[42:30]

not seeing the consequences. That doesn't mean that somehow they're obscured. It just means we're not seeing them. I remember once I went to a meditation teacher. And I said, my mind is incredibly distracted. I can't stay present. on the object for more than a second. And then my mind goes off, and I bring it back, and it goes away. And then he said, oh, you're really getting concentrated. You can notice your mind move even within a second. It's like sometimes something's not apparent to you. That doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.

[43:40]

That doesn't mean that it's obscured. It's something about how you're looking at it, how you're relating to it. That's what reveals something and makes something apparent. Is it also possible that this idea in this body and not necessarily seeing, being a very talented guy. I have friends who I've had for 20 years who have expressed to me recently some noticeable . But they attribute them to my . And I wonder if I found it interesting, and I thought, Well, what's most interesting for me about it was that I wasn't aware of these changes that even happened to me.

[44:55]

Is it because we're inside the body that we can't necessarily see those progress, or is it a lack of concentration and . The way I understand what Dogen's getting at here is he's saying, don't just go by what you notice. Because if you're bringing forth your effort, your engagement, your practices involved, something is being actualized, And whether or not you can see what that is, you may or you may not. In a way, he's making quite a simple point here. You may or may not see it. Or as you say, your friend might see it.

[46:00]

Or as someone said to me a couple of days ago, they were teaching a workshop. The workshop didn't in any way have anything to do with their Zen practitioner, but it wasn't about Zen. It was about something else. And there are students here at Zen Center. And then after the workshop was over, someone came up to them and said, you know, the way I felt in that workshop reminded me of this book I really like to read, how that book makes me feel. what the book was. Zen, my beginner's mind. So without knowing how he was offering something to see him heritage, this person experienced it that way. I think that what Dogen's getting at here is

[47:05]

There's more going on than what we see. Yes? There's an expression in sociology, the given and the given off. The given and the given off? The given would be... The way people would say, would identify themselves, or the way they would describe what they're doing, and all the other stuff that's being communicated just by... Those sorts of factors, and I've always loved that combination. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. OK, so that's the point he's making now. And then he goes on and he says, it's not divided by what is hidden, apparent, existent, or non-existent. And it's not divided.

[48:11]

Divided as in the other translation says tainted. When something is actualized, it's experienced as completely itself. The moment is completely itself. That's what it is to be actualized. There's non-separation. whole so to be tainted or divided is that it's experienced as something other than just itself so wholeness or even the word pure in Buddhism is about something being completely itself so when it's not divided when it's complete it's not divided by what is hidden existent or not exist. Whether you see it or not is still completely itself.

[49:14]

Whether you see it or not does not, whether it seems to be existing or non-existing, does not stop it from being completely itself. You may not notice the causal conditions which led you to be engaged in the practice that actualizes you at this very moment of unknown. I just want to see if I can find the other translation of that phrase, unknown. Vince?

[50:40]

Yeah. Well, could you read it out? Sure. That in the actual hiddenness of the present moment, we do not understand what dependently originated genres there are in the practice of the conduct and observance, which is real life in ourselves, is because the grasping of conduct and observance is never a special state in a new state. I got it in front of you, thanks. I just hadn't located it. That in the actual hiddenness of the present moment, you do not understand what dependently originated dharmas there are in the practice of the chondritic observance, which is realizing ourself. It's because the grasping of chondritic observance is never a special state in a new phase. Boom. I'm sure it is.

[51:44]

Okay. So much for that. I'm not so sure that's a helpful way to put it. Where he puts her as the end of that sentence. I wasn't persuaded by that, to be honest. As it is not divided by what is hidden, apparent, existent, or non-existent, you may not notice causal conditions which led you to be engaged in the practice.

[52:45]

The causal conditions that led you to be engaged in the practice that actualizes you at this very moment of unknown. What is your secret? You also know what my sense is. Can I share what my sense? Sure. I think this is the same place. When the continuous practice which manifests itself is truly continuous practice, you may be unaware of what circumstances are behind it. And the reason why you do not notice them is that to understand such a thing is not that special. Conditional arising is continuous practice, but continuous practice is not conditionally generated. The sentence before that piece you just wrote. The sentence before. Sometimes these merits of continuous practice are not evident. And so they do not see and hear them that you do not come to understand them. But you should understand that even though these parents are not revealed, they are not concealed.

[53:52]

And then the next sentence. When the continuous practice which manifests itself is truly continuous practice, you may be unaware of what circumstances are behind it. And the reason why you do not notice them is that to understand such a thing is not that special. That's the next sentence. Yeah, he puts the two together. I think what he's saying is that the functioning of codependent arising is operating and can bring in the fruition, the actualizing of the moment, whether or not you're realizing it. Your question is, is there a difference between actualizing and realizing it? It's like you can be sitting and with great diligence, the mind gets caught up and you release it, and the mind gets caught up and you release it.

[55:01]

And that process of getting caught up and releasing, it doesn't create kind of spacious, clear awareness. It's too busy with the process of letting go of destruction. But right there in the middle of that, there is the constant releasing of attachment, the constant releasing of destruction. Right there in the middle of that, there's diligence, sincerity, not attachment. dedication. There is the wholehearted engagement of the activity. But the subjective experience is just this flood of arising and this constant activity of releasing.

[56:10]

An appreciation or a clarity around the nature of the activity is just continuous activity of it. But that continuous activity of releasing attachment, of being dedicated to the moment, creates its own expression. Is that actualization or realization? It's actualization. That's non-separation. But the nature of that actualization doesn't have the clarity of where all those distractions fall away. And then consciousness settles and becomes clearer and sees more clearly its own nature or the nature of presence, abiding presence. Did you ask a question? Did somebody put their hand up? And then he says, the reason you don't see it is that becoming conscious is not anything remarkable.

[57:24]

Or I would say, it may or it may not be. Just as I was saying a few moments ago using that example, that example of constantly arising. Sometimes when the nature of our efforts is opening up with a diligence, the consequence of that will be a quickening of arising of thoughts and images. And then at those if that more abundant arising is mad with the continuum releasing that isn't necessarily going to be felt or experienced as calm in a way it's not even going to be experienced as concentrated or settled but actually something there is being fully engaged and because it doesn't have these attributes

[58:46]

of what we call good zazen. When we all experience a deep solemnness, a calmness, a spacious, open awareness, then quite naturally we think, I'm doing it. I'm getting it right. This is it. Whereas this fully meeting of this fast arising activity doesn't feel so remarkable or significant. But in the process of cultivation of consciousness, it has its place in a very significant place. So is it OK if you don't have experiences like that? If you don't have what? Like the experience of the clear stuff.

[59:47]

The clear stuff? It's just like having once. Maybe once. I remember it. I mean, is it okay? Is it okay? It's a good question. It's not that special. As far as I can figure right, there are endless variations on how to actualize the moment. Maybe one of the significant benefits of those moments of concentration and clarity, abiding spacious clarity, is that in our karmic way we say, this is it. And then of course the danger is

[60:49]

well, then you kind of grasp it. You flood it with arrogance. You become very attached to it. Maybe you learn how to repeat it, and then you use it as a way to escape from all the challenges of your life. Young man has a whole piece where he talks about the sickness of samadhi. So it's a great question. Do we need to be encouraged? Do we need to be inspired? Strictly speaking, you could say no. Maybe strictly speaking, you could say, hmm, better if you're not. But if you look on it in the context of our human life, a little encouragement, a little inspiration is a good thing.

[61:52]

Not too much. To realize that it just happens in the karmic realm. Yeah. Sure. What comes to mind is that article in Time recently about Mother Teresa. And they were talking about her having down. But when I read the article, It's that she continued to practice, although she didn't feel that special connection with her god or high power. But she continued to be diligent. So it wasn't really about doubting. It was about the absence of some special state or feeling place. Yeah. Right. Exactly. Yeah. Indeed. And even doubt. There can be corrosive doubt. or there can be not known. And in Zen we say, well, the doubt of not knowing is extremely valuable.

[62:59]

And then Bill again goes on and he says, investigate in detail that it is so Because the causal condition, the aspiration, is no other than continuous practice. Though continuous practice is not limited by the causal condition. and dedication and continuance. You see, this is none other than continuous practice. When you're in there and this is coming up and you let it go and that's coming up and it's let go and that's coming up and it's let go. This is continuous practice. And even though all that arising is the cauldron of conditioned existence.

[64:15]

But the intention, the dedication, are not contingent upon what the causal condition has to offer. In some ways, the deficit of the mind becoming quiet and calm is then you say, OK, well, I'm going to meditate to get quiet and calm mind. or I am going to meditate because the mind is quiet and calm. Well then, are you going to meditate when your mind is not quiet and calm? So the continuous practice is not dependent upon causal conditions. Practicing the causal conditions is continuous practice, but continuous practice is not dependent upon it. So that's the challenge of Sikkhana Tansen. Can you sit with any kind of mind? If you go the whole way back to the first paragraph, that it's like, what is it to practice with this?

[65:26]

What is it to practice with this? Whatever comes up. And that's why he's saying, well, what about turning towards it? Because that's the very practice that will enable us to meet any state of mind, any condition, as we continue. That's the very state. That's the very attitude. that will allow that continuity of practice. It's not, OK, well, today I'm quiet and calm. I guess I'll practice. It's like the request goes deeper than quiet and calm. And actually, if you think about it, quiet and calm only has so much to teach us. Angry, agitated, yearning, restless. They have a lot to teach us. They show us the stuff of our psyche and our way of relating to the world, of what we think it is that brings about a content life.

[66:35]

Continuous practice that actualizes itself is no other than your continuous practice right now. not an as I was saying earlier it's not an abstract effect and to say okay my practice now is not quite it okay this is not quite because my mind is you know this way instead of that way this isn't quite practice because I'm not having this kind of result instead of that kind of result in some ways the continuous practice of itself. It's completely the continuous practice of this time, of these sets of conditions.

[67:40]

The now of this practice is not originally possessed by the self. It's not self-power. This is happening because I'm making it happen. We become aware of the interactive, codependent nature of all existence. Just that. We become aware of it. We don't make it. We have our own experience of it and our own relationship to it. But we don't make it. It's not the product of the self. And the actualizing of it is not the product of the self either. It's a giving over to. It's a giving over to what already is.

[68:43]

It's still in the same era. It's not the product of you or others. This translation says not forced. It's not the consequence of something you made happen or someone else made happen. It's the codependent arising of the moment. It's not possessed by the self. Then now this practice does not come or go, enter, or depart. now does not exist before continuous practice. Time only exists when we reference something outside the presence of the moment.

[69:45]

The presence of the moment is timeless. This moment we're living right now has no reference in time. It's only when you look at your watch and say, OK, by some standard, it takes its place on a continuum of a 24 hour day, a year. time however you want to reference it but in of itself it's timeless so that aspect of existence in every moment is complete because it's completely itself it isn't dependent upon external reference so it doesn't have time so the now does not depend upon

[70:50]

some external reference. And the now does not exist other than it's actualized in the moment. So this is like Zazen instruction. The moment that's arising, what's happening right now, is all of this. And anything that happens is part of that moment. The thoughts, the imaginings of the future, the arising feelings, anything that arises is part of the now. It cannot exist by sight of it. So it's not so much that we're trying to manufacture the present or we're trying to cut off something that doesn't fit in the present. That doesn't, that's not now, that's not now.

[71:56]

Or I'm going to concentrate and make now. And I'll do it like this. Now, it's just what it is. And it's actualized by fully engaging it. It comes into being. So this is a meditation instruction, this is a zazen instruction, this is refining our effort. This is the difference between trying to do zazen in contrast to being zazen. This being so, the continuous practice of this day is a seed of all Buddhas and the practice of all Buddhism.

[72:58]

Now actualizing now gives rise to this moment and the actualizing of this moment is the seed For the realizing of awakening. For the realizing of what is. For realizing the nature of what is. So it's the seed of all Buddhas. And the practice of all Buddhas. All Buddhas are actualized and sustained by your continuous practice. By not sustaining your continuous practice, you'd be excluding Buddhists, not nurturing Buddhists, excluding continuous practice, not being born and dying simultaneously with all Buddhists, and not studying and not practicing with all Buddhists.

[74:07]

So I think he's saying it's not such a good thing to do. I think in one of the other translations, it says something like you hate Buddhists, Just in case you didn't get that this is not something he was recommending. To fail to practice this conduct and observance by which Buddhas are realized and by which the conduct and observance is practiced is to hate the Buddhas, is to fail to serve offerings to the Buddhas, is to hate conduct and observance and fail to live together and die together with the Buddhas and to fail to learn from them and experience the same state as them. OK. Blossoms opening and leaves falling now is the actualization of continuous practice. Something happens in now.

[75:11]

It's completely itself, but it's an activity. Blossoms open. Beautiful things happen. Flowers open and perfume the universe. Things come to an end. Leaves fall. The tree passes from season to season. Activity, changing is the actualization Polishing the mirror and breaking the mirror is none other than this practice. All the various techniques, all the various commentaries, understandings around practice are all contained within actualizing the moment. They're all speaking of it and are a commentary on it. As I was saying earlier, there are countless ways to enter astralizing the moment.

[76:26]

Polishing the mirror, breaking the mirror. Polishing the mirror, clarifying consciousness so that it sees clearly what is. Polishing the mirror, polishing your conduct and breaking the mirror. going beyond ideas of self and other, going beyond ideas of good practice and bad practice, going beyond separation from what is. Okay, so now the question is, how are you going to practice with us for the next week? Thanks again. Because, you know, this is all about actualization, and if we just read it like, and then say, uh-huh. Somehow, given the life you have, given the body you have, the mind you have,

[77:37]

How are you going to practice this? So let's do this. Just close your eyes for a moment. And in a purely subjective way, with all this stuff, with all we've talked about this evening, is there a word or phrase somehow comes forth. And then if there is, just speak it out. Attention. Nothing special. Attention. So you can use dependent horizon. Do it. Given what's arisen in your own mind and what's arisen in the minds around you.

[79:43]

How to actualize it, how to practice it. I would observe, soften, continue, open, nervous, dropping the dreams of my ego. And then let me offer you this way of carrying that intention.

[81:50]

You can carry it beyond words. You can even carry it beyond ideas, where you just let it sink in and reverberate. And it's almost more like a physical sensation or a feeling. You can carry it as an ideal. You can say, okay, persistence. Watch each time you tend to not persist. Or you can bring it forth. You can bring forth the feeling, the sense in your body. you can bring forth the idea. You can just periodically, throughout your day, bring it forth.

[83:03]

So the word and the phrase needs to be, or is asking to be translated There's an intimate connection. If it just sort of floats there in an undigested words or even an undigested idea, then it has no roots. It just sort of drifts away, replaced, pushed away by the next set of thoughts. OK, well, how is the connection going to be made? that word, that phrase. What's that going to be like? Will I just deliberately take a few moments each morning when I sit? Before I sit? After I sit? Will I...

[84:12]

it or hear it each each place I look as I go through the day would I try to notice what you know where it doesn't naturally appear and try to remind myself of it so continuous practice is like a yoga yoga joining to the request, the intention, the aspiration, and then carrying it forth. So the process of joining, the process of connecting to the idea, connecting to the feeling, physical or emotional. And then how is it going to remain continuous? How are you going to do that? for a couple of minutes, and you can just think about that.

[85:27]

Just let yourself... Let yourself just arouse that deep willingness to practice, that deep intention. formulated that intention, aspiration,

[86:50]

See, can you be conscious about how you stay connected to that? Can you make that an intentional involvement? Staying close to that whenever you stir it up right here and now. And if you weren't able to stir up something here and now, try again in the morning after you sit. Maybe sleeping on it will help with it right now. The assignment was to take your own phrase, your own word, make as deep a connection as you can to it, and then keep coming back to that connection and living its request. You're welcome.

[88:44]

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