So you may remember at the end of the last class, for those of you who are here, I suggested that your homework assignment be that when difficult things arise, rather than resist in whatever way you do that, or struggle in whatever way you do that, that you move towards them with the mind and heart of practice. You'd like to report back on any enlightenment experiences you had. Or any disasters. Or deep moments of despair or confusion. Did anyone remember that past the front door? Please. Say something. One thing I noticed by you is that I negotiate conversations that never happened before.

[01:26]

So I anticipate somebody's response to something, and I'll sit down and have a dialogue if I can. And it's usually not a good thing that's going on. I'm trying to sort of cut something off instead of the conflict. or maybe kind of be ready for it, and then it does appear, but usually . Yeah. We're remarkably persuaded by our own internal workings, by our own anticipations, and even by just our own opinions and thinking. It's extraordinarily significant to us and powerful. And as we start to practice awareness, this becomes more and more evident. That part about aspiration, practice, awakening, and nirvana, all sort of coalescing at the same time,

[02:29]

last week, not so much in the class, but then in the talk I gave the next night, I was saying, this bringing forth the question, you know, what does practice ask of me? And if any of you noticed in the lecture, somewhere in the middle, I switched to what is it to practice with this, you know, the kind of the request, the aspiration, and what you might call the conduct. Or as one of the translations calls it, the observance. What does practice ask of me? And then the conduct, the actualization, the behavior. And then when we start to practice this with all sincerity and devotion, this is theoretical.

[03:31]

This is our aspiration, our intention. And then the actualization is when we take it and live it. And that's really what Dogen is calling continuous practice. When the aspiration, the engagement, the experience of being fully engaged in it and the releasing of the grasping, the nirvana, when they're all fully responding in the moment, when there's no separation, when this is one continuous event, that's what he is getting at. And then if you look at your text, we'll go back over this first paragraph again. And it starts off by saying, the great way of the Buddha's ancestor. We can think. Well, normally we think.

[04:34]

Normally we think. We have opinions and we have anticipations and worldviews and concepts about ourselves and everything else. And so in one way to enter the Great Way is to take on the marks of existence, impermanence. Nothing lasts. Even though in my memory, in my felt experience, there's substantiality. I anticipate the future. It's like a substantial thing. I remember the past. I substantiate the present. And other people and relationships. But actually they're all just an interactive dynamic event.

[05:36]

They are impermanent. To enter into living impermanence is to enter into the good of way. To enter into... There isn't a self-right self version. It's just the consequence of experiencing the interaction from this locality. And this locality is changing in its thoughts, in its feelings, in its self-experience, in every way, in how concentrated our diffuse consciousness is. And this is also entering the Buddha. And then the grind of being, you know, out of this grind of being we can grasp it and contract and suffer or we can open and engage and accept and become part of it.

[06:38]

And then it's Nirvana. So entering the Buddha way. And so one way is we cultivate conditions, the seven factors of awakening. Another way is we take on a teaching, impermanence. Everywhere you look, you think this person's impermanent, this carpet's impermanent, this roof's impermanent, this light is impermanent, the sign of that car is impermanent, this class is impermanent. You live inside the teaching. You become a teaching, you enter the way. You take up the strict observance of precepts or behavior. Okay, I will follow these rules for my life.

[07:40]

I will live this way according to these rules. To draw closer to this way of being. All the teachings, all the observances, bring us close to this, and then that actualizes. In the great way of the Buddha ancestors, there's always unsurpassable practice. As I was saying last week, what is it to practice with this? Your mind is deeply settled, and in its settledness, its perceptiveness, is enhanced. And the subtle variations of momentary experience are more apparent. What is it to practice with this? Your mind is greatly agitated and gleaned to difficult emotions.

[08:43]

What is it to practice with this? People are telling you you're wonderful. What is it to practice with this? People are reviling you and spitting on you. What is it to practice with this? There's no experience that we can say, well, that's in a different realm. That's outside the realm of practice. The realm of practice of the Buddhas and ancestors is continuous. What is it to practice with this cannot be surpassed. Continuous, this continuity of cause and effect, rising and falling away, moment after moment, it cannot, it doesn't cease. The question, what is it to practice with this, is always arising in each moment, in continuous practice.

[09:49]

Between aspiration, practice, enlightenment and nirvana, There's not a moment's gap. I'm going through this quickly because we went through it last week. And I know you've all mastered it. Aspiration, practice enlightenment and nirvana. Not a moment's gap, as I was just saying a moment ago. So maybe we could say when we read these texts and we think, hey, that sounds like a good idea. The aspiration comes about it. And then, on a few wonderful occasions, we actually put it into practice. In the midst of the habituated responses of our life, something pops up and says, right here, right now, just as it is, what is it to practice with us?

[10:51]

And then jumping completely into it, being that moment fully non-separate. Sometimes actualized, the teaching is actualized, the truth of the moment, the suchness of the moment is actualized. And not being separate from it, not being outside it, doing something to it. There is no grasping. There is no suffering. Nirvana. In the continuity and the immersion of that this is just all comes in the being together. This being so continuous practice is not divided. And it's not just me doing it or somebody else doing it onto me.

[11:59]

It's a jumping into the dynamic event of the moment. Self is just part of that dynamic event. And usually, our usual state of mind is, I think reality. And then the shift is, my thoughts are part of reality. completely, intrinsically, and cannot be separated from it. This notion of separation of gap is just that. It's just a notion. And when that's dropped, these factors, what might in other terms, in a more rational mind, be considered a sequence, just become singular. not the product of self or the product of others.

[13:01]

The moment doesn't happen because I make it. This is what we learn in Tuzan. You sit there and you do breathing. And then somewhere in the middle of doing breathing, the discovery of letting breathing breathe, letting the body breathe, letting the body be the body, of letting the sign be the sign, of letting the arising thought in the constellation of all experience be the arising experience, the arising thought. It's not the product of self, and it's not the product of other. That's it. It's a pentasm. Did you just get it? He would like to know what you got.

[14:02]

You said a quick word and I didn't hear what it says. You're just, it's whatever's arising, it disappears. It's not you, it's not it, it's not that it just arises and disappears. It was much shorter, whatever he said before. You came out with a very short phrase and actually neither of us quite heard it. Quite heard it? The phrase you came out with. He said, is that what it is? Oh, okay. And then I thought he said something after that. I just want to back up a little bit. What you're talking about. Didn't swear. Well, I thought. I can let this go. I can really feel and understand what she said. I get caught into that same sort of thing. And my whole idea of stuckness has a real physical thing that starts to occur. And I usually want to catch myself a little catch there.

[15:06]

And there's the release. There's the opening up. There's the realization. There's the pulling me back to the nowness. I'm offering this out as your, one of your questions was last week was that where do we feel if we get stuck? Yes. And I have a real strong physical response to that. I mean, I'm a real. Please say some more. About my stuckness? Yeah. It's sort of a thick oatmeal. It's dark. It's less than you speak. His stuckness is a thick oatmeal, kind of. So when I feel that with my body, I know whatever I'm thinking is sort of sticking in there. Does that make sense? Oh, yeah. Yeah. So in engaging it over the past week, what happened when you engaged it?

[16:12]

It just dropped away. It just sort of... I came back from neutral, or something came back from neutral, just sort of dissipated a psychic energy or a mental state formation or something. It was probably because I'm true, based on some sort of fear-based, deluded, rejected. I feel like I'm thinking she probably would be like a little public through life. Same story. Let me see if I understood the last one. Oh, great. When you practice with it, it just dropped away? When I saw it, when I could feel, when I could breathe to that moment, whatever neuronal sort of network, that's where the sticking is. It's the breathing into that. It's the burning of karma that sort of dropping that.

[17:15]

that psychic energy that's placed there. Although I'll come back to the same state of mind, certainly I'll see it. But the next time, I catch it more quickly. There's something about learning how to meet it and then engage it rather than wince and tighten with a kind of emotional, oh, yuck. However you do, whether you do it with aggression, or whether you do it with fear, or sadness, or resentment. Hmm? Withdraw. Yeah. Withdraw. Numbness. Yeah. It's like, can you stay alive in that moment? And part of the aspiration of practice of the exacting nature of the observance is that.

[18:24]

Can you stay alive? Can you stay engaged? Not so much to do something to it, but to experience it more fully. So sometimes it has a quality of patience, of willingness to let this be itself, even though it's not quite what you'd like it to be. Okay, look at this. Feel this, experience this. And then whatever arises can be held in that unsurpassable or vast willingness to just let it be what it is. This is not what I want to be. This is not what I want for my life. I want it to be different. I want more of what I want and less of what I don't want. I think I get the kind of feeling and thought process that I get stuck in around loneliness.

[19:37]

Sometimes I feel really isolated and lonely. And there are different things I can do. Sometimes I kind of distract myself from it by just doing something stupid. Just anything, really. But if I decide to actually experience it and look into it, then it doesn't drop away immediately. But eventually it goes away. So that's what happens even when I don't engage in it, too. The difference is? I'm not sure what that, yeah. I'm not sure what the difference is. I'm not sure where that leaves me. It's like, well, I'm in my room alone doing something, and I start feeling really lonely. Let's say I want to do something some evening with a friend, and all my friends are busy, and nobody's around, or something.

[20:43]

And I feel lonely. But then eventually it comes time to do something else, like clean my room, or shave my face, write a letter and then eventually you're gonna go on to the next thing. I don't know if that's engaging with it or not. What do you think? Is that engaging with it or not? It's too strong a feeling for me to like deny that it's actually happening. I can't just be like, oh, I don't feel like this. Sometimes I feel like I try to rationalize it away. Is that engaging it? I don't know. I don't know. Is it engaging it to actually look at it and kind of see where the story I have about myself is off and say, well, Trevor, that's not actually true.

[21:56]

It's not true that you're isolated because Jared, and Kosho, and Tanya, and Catherine, and Lucy, these people care about me, and I know that from my parents. But sometimes that doesn't really seem to do anything either. So if it did do something, would that be what practice is asking of you? Well, I think so, because it would be seeing like a wrong view and countering that with another story, I guess, in order for something closer to how things actually are. But what makes something a wrong view? I'm not sure. I think it's a wrong view. make something a wrong view is that it's not actually in line with what's really happening.

[23:08]

So is it a wrong view if it causes you loneliness? Is the mark of that wrong view of loneliness that it's unpleasant? when I say mark? Yeah. Characteristic? Yeah. Well, I don't think, I think there can be mind states that are unpleasant that aren't based on wrong deeds. But think about what I was saying earlier. This is what I would consider to be close to what Dogen's presenting in this classical. This notion of opening up to the experience just as it is, and experiencing it, and letting it be exactly itself.

[24:14]

Now, whether your mind is saying, this is right, this is wrong, here's an antidote to this, or there is no antidote to this, I'm just going to die of spasming loneliness. Whatever your mind is saying, Something about continuous practice, just actualizing the dynamic nature of that event, of that moment. So rather than, the moment is what I think it is, what I say it is, how I experience it. My experiencing, my defining are part of all of it. He's in the part of me that says, well, I want an antidote to this. I'm going to think, I'm going to list all the people who I had a deep sense really carefully as an antidote to my loneliness.

[25:19]

It's all within the size, in the container of the dynamic event called this moment. So then when it completely itself, when it's alive to be itself, when it's fully experienced as itself. Nothing gained, nothing lost, no grasping, no aversion. So is it a symptom of my aversion to feelings of loneliness? I'm lousy and lonely and I leave my room and go knock on Jared's door at the door and ask me if he wants to go down to Monaco's with me. Or is that aversion or should I stay in my room and just really be lonely? Hey, that's a great question. I wrestled with that all week. I'm glad you're asking it.

[26:20]

You did? Yeah, about Thursday, I started last week. I touched on something that made me feel depressed. So I have all kinds of things that I do if I get a little depressed. And I'm not given to depression, so it's kind of a unique feeling. I just stayed with the depression. It stayed with me for days. And usually I would have cut it off with something, with a book or something, a version of some sort. And there was other things I could have done, like javing my face and stuff. And it seemed the assignment was to stay with the feeling. I was really tempted to look for why it happened, what I could do to solve the problem and all that other stuff. But you were so adamant in just staying with it and letting it go. Clear. Clear. He modified that to clear. There wasn't the usual.

[27:21]

I didn't go through the last two stages. of enlightenment. I never figured out why it was there. It was just there. And it did eventually go away. You're supposed to get awakened and then experience nirvana. Nirvana is extinguishing like a blowout of candle, right? It just goes away on its own. You blow out the grasping and aversion. Right. I'm not talking about a bliss thing when I say nirvana. I mean it just naturally dies. It burns out. It exhausts itself. That's how I'm looking at nirvana. Okay. It did go away at some point, but I don't know how, why, or when it went away. I had other things to do with my life, you know, other things to take care of it. I don't know if I just forgot it, or did I play it through? Yeah. That's a great question, Trevor. Did I just distract myself with something else, or was the moment fully experienced? And as Suzuki Roshi says in Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind,

[28:22]

It just burns itself up. Yeah. I know when I'm feeling lonely. I know when I leave my room and go knock on my friends door. I know why I'm doing that. Because I don't want to feel lonely anymore. Why should I? I have all these friends around who on occasion enjoy spending some time with me. And I enjoy spending time with them. So the point from the point of view, Jogen's coming out practicing this, the question's not so much Is that a good thing or a bad thing to do? The request of this is to realize that the moment is completely itself. Going knocking on your door is completely itself. And your mind might generate. This is a good thing. I'm being a good student when I do this. Or your mind might... generation. I'm being a bad Zen student when I do that.

[29:24]

And that's part of the moment. It's like it's unsurpassable. It's not contained within some catechly good or bad. I guess it also depends on what Jared and I go off and do it too. Well. We'll talk about that later. From another perspective. Thank you. Yeah, that's a I'll be back here on that phone there. Well, to button this up, was that just a part of life? If I have to go to the Zendo, I have to go do my dishes, my dinnership, I just have to leave that thing that I was doing alone and just go do what else I do. I don't want to try to hang on to it when I'm doing the dishes because it's time to do the dishes. But we could say the request of practice is can we notice, am I clinging to it? Am I keeping it going? Am I trying to suppress it? Because I would say in the workings of our psyche, both of those have a tendency to perpetuate a mood.

[30:30]

Well, Lord knows I know what it's like to cling to and perpetuate it or to divert it, you know, to get rid of it by doing the next thing. I wanted to do the assignment and just watch it and go through the four cycles. But I think it was too... I did that with a lot of small things throughout the week, and it was kind of cool to watch. But this one maybe needs a little more... I don't know, time, patience, it might be a bigger thing just to try to do his own assignment. I would say, I use the word mood intentionally because a momentary experience, the experience links to a sense of self, sense of the world, sense of reality. in a more unique and limited way. When we settle into a mood, there's much more involvement of our sense of self, our psychology.

[31:32]

There's something abiding. And it's not just linked to a unique experience might trigger it, but it casts a net and pulls in more things. And then often that's not so clear to us what has been triggered and what's engaged and all that. And so sometimes the subjective experiences, it is more abiding. And then to watch it physically, to watch how it's mental disposition, to watch how it perfumes arising experiences or doesn't. to watch how it may dissipate for five seconds, five minutes, come back, come back an hour later. We can watch all those things.

[32:33]

Yeah. And I was enjoying doing that with myriad little things. And this is just the first time that I had tried to do the awareness practice. And then it came time to do something else. And I just was curious, what do I do with it now? I guess what you're saying is just time to go and do the dishes. That's all there is to it. I used to hear that a lot early on in my practice. I was saying something a little bit more subtle. It's time to go to the dishes, do the dishes, and shut it out. Stay open. Stay aware, as you can be, to what's arising. And just keep moving through your life and see what happens. Rather than go to the dishes and push this out of consciousness. Take it with me to the kitchen. Well, even more subtle than that. If it comes up when you're in the kitchen, it comes up.

[33:34]

If it doesn't, it doesn't. I think I see what you mean. Yeah. Thank you. Do you have a further comment? is it being aware of what comes out? Well, in this first paragraph, what we're trying to get at, in the first paragraph, Dogen gives you that this is what he has to say in this whole thing. It's right here in the first paragraph. And he's trying to give us a sense of what he considers this continuity of contact with what's the arising experience. And he's saying that continuity of contact brings into the moment the aspiration or the intention, the engagement, the awakening, and the release of affliction, whether it's aversion or grasping.

[34:41]

He's saying the continuity of contact brings those four into the moment of your head. And then he starts off by saying, from the mental state, from the mind state, from the body state, from the heart state of Buddha, this continuous practice has always happened. Because we don't always behave with a lot. We have this tendency to behave like ourselves.

[35:43]

To bring forth all the conditioning that our life to this point has its experience. And of course, on one hand, we have no choice about the matter because we are a conditioned existence. But how we relate to it, when there is awareness in the moment, the capacity to relate to it with the conscious intention, engagement, awakening, nirvana, That's continuous practice. So from the Buddha mind, that's what's happening. It's continuous and sustained. Did you have your hand up? No, I didn't. You didn't. I think somebody a little bit. Oh, sorry, sir. I was just kind of kicking back a little bit on what people are saying. Generally, when I was doing this, inquiry always comes up.

[36:48]

What's this? Why is this happening? And that sort of thing, are you suggesting that that should also kind of be non-engaged? Well, shoot's a tricky word. Here's a complicated answer. The state of consciousness is dependent upon a continuum from agitated to deeply settled. The deeply settled can perceive momentary experiences in a more, what you might call, raw, elemental form. The more agitated we'll go, it's much more likely to imbue them with emotion, with fixed ideas, grasp them, push them away. It's more reactive, it's more dynamic in that way. can be brought to anyone.

[37:51]

This one will be quite literally experiencing the momentary experience in a more particular fashion. This one will have more almost like a flavor, like a mood. It's a complex experience. Whereas when we deeply settle and a bubble of loneliness comes up, it's almost like we We can see the shape and size of it. I just found that I look like, because unlike Chris, I tend to be very physical and reaction to emotion or maybe a trigger. And I guess this request to me meant to stop for a second and see what that was. Yeah. But the question, what really is that? And does it have a basis or not in this moment? Am I having a habit?

[38:53]

You're not saying that that's necessarily not part of this. What I'm saying is that with one state of mind, the cognitive questioning may be the mode of engagement. When the mind's a little more saddled, the mode of engagement, the question may actually be wordless. It may be just a kind of wordless experience. But not to say, well, that's it and that's not it. It takes different forms depending upon causes and conditions. The power of this continuous practice confirms you as well as others. become more yourself.

[39:56]

The more you're present and willing to experience what's going on, the more you are what's going on. Yes, Dana. Earlier, you were talking about experiencing non-separation. Everything. How? In a way, when we think, we separate. The experience happens. And then it's like we think about it. We have our own understanding.

[40:59]

Even if it says minimalized. Signed up a car going down the page street. It's not necessary. It's not necessarily so that our thinking separates us. But most of the time that is what it does. And so rather than experiencing, just being part of this sea of experiencing, we're thinking reality and it's something separate from us. And then the request of practice is to experience directly. But our tendency is to experience and then step back and go, let me think about this a little bit. I like it.

[41:59]

I want some more. This is good. This is real Zen. This is bad Zen. I should go talk to Jared and do something else. This is not good. We're always in the sea and whether we go talk to Jared or go to Moby Toby's or stay in our room, listen to music, do whatever, We're never separate from the sea of experiences. And as much as we think we need to separate and to be a self, this is a very scary proposition. And that's why this next line is so interesting. The power of this continuous practice confirms the self. It doesn't mean that you become sort of a mindless blob of something, of nothing, of just, you know.

[43:06]

Yikes. I don't want to be that. No, in fact, quite the opposite, you know? The experience of these thoughts, these feelings, this physicality, it's happening right here. This is amazing. How is that a non-separate experience? Well, this is the locality where it's experienced. It doesn't mean that it's separate. It's mostly when we wrap it up in concepts and definitions. And then in that process of thinking, we think the self. And then there's something about preserving that self, protecting it from harm. alleviating its loneliness, its sadness, its fear, and trying to promote its well-being, its contentment, its happiness. Are you going to say something, Lee?

[44:13]

Well, so when we're talking about the sound of the heart, when we think it's the sound of the heart, we separate it. in direct contact with what's... But what I'm saying is, usually, I mean, it's not... We can be aware of the sign, aware of the associated thought. That can happen in the end. Thinking is just another experience. But usually, we get captivated by the thinking. And that's where the separation was put. That's what I experienced, the separation, where I now have this idea that's already held to you of what that. So it doesn't remain a sound. It's a sound of a car. It's the sound of a car on the 8th Street.

[45:13]

So at that time, there's the separation between the actual experiencing and thinking It's thinking. So that's going to come in. It's like the practice is to be in contact with thinking. Sound thinking concept. Or even that already is thinking. That's already going to another level of thinking. That's my own experience here. Yeah, for almost all of us, we need to keep dipping back into direct experiencing. That's why being aware of your body can be so helpful, or aware of your breath. So that's the place where, I forget that you just used a couple of words about the self. It's like that's where there's the recognition of self about it.

[46:16]

It's like at that point of seeing what happens, that there's a thought. And then there's what we put on top of the experience. That's the self-arison. So that's when we can realize self-arison. Am I? Yeah. Am I expressing that? Yeah, exactly. And when we bring awareness to these, whatever the karmic behaviors are, we can realize the nature of karmic behavior. We can experience it directly. Brent? Yeah, I was just going to ask, is it possible that it is how we're designed to think and be completely aware of the moment, this moment?

[47:18]

The ideal of Shikantasa is that the awareness has no agenda. So whatever arises in awareness is quite literally just a momentary event. Whether it's a thought, a sound, a sight, physical sensation, it's just a momentary event. And as I was saying earlier, feeling a sensation in our body, we're less likely to have a strong cognitive significance to that than we are with a thought. Usually to us, our thoughts are believable. And as such, we tend to shift them from just being a momentary experience to being a definition of reality.

[48:43]

And that's a grasping. It's a grasping at view, would be a Buddhist term. See, and that's, but the example you quoted, the first statement you made, the example you quoted, not noticing, It's not nirvana. Because then somehow we're saying, well, to be in a dissociated state or in a numb state, well, you could say, well, in a way, you're not suffering.

[49:54]

You're not suffering one level of impact. But in another way, the very activity of holding it bare are suppressing the suffering. Because it's intuiting that there's something there that needs to be held at bay or suppressed. The devil's in the details. It depends how it's related to it. If it's just a flight of energy that rises with all its characteristics and it just surges up and goes. So be it. It's beyond good and evil.

[50:58]

It's neither right nor wrong. It's just that. Now that's quite a feat. because usually those emotions have a strong significance relevance and compelling story that comes along with them so it's really something to let it happen on that elemental level and sometimes it's It's a helpful way to relate to our emotions, is to feel the physicality of it, to feel the energy of it. To notice, how's your heart beating? Is your chest cutting? All those things draw us into a different kind of relationship.

[51:59]

Usually they draw us away from the story that's so meaningful because it has this partial emotion with it. Usually the story stimulates the emotion, the emotion stimulates the story. I mean, you keep that one going quite a while. This was supposed to be the review. Supposed to be the ten minute review. The power of a continuous practice conforms you as well as others. As I said, you become yourself. Something about authenticity. It's like, well, we're busy saying the world is this, and then other times we're in a different mood, and we say, no, the world's more like this.

[53:02]

Everybody loves me. No, everybody hates me. I'm a great guy. Well, actually, I'm kind of the worst person in the world. And then someone says, who are you? And you're kind of lost for an answer. Depends what day you ask me. But this sense of being rooted in your own experience. is an attribute of authenticity is about not fake, about original, origin, the origin of your being. I'm this one. I have this one's thoughts, this one's feelings, this one's patterns of behavior. As you practice awareness, you get to see the inevitability of your own karmic heat. You have the body you have.

[54:04]

Whether you get lift to suction or whatever else, it's still pretty much the same body. Your DNA hasn't changed. It's just done a little. You'll just work the shell a little bit. This is the inevitability of our karmic being. And normally we have all sorts of responses about that. There's ways in which we're deeply disappointed by it and ways in which we enjoy it. So this draws us into a more authentic way. Beyond arrogance. or pride or some righteousness. These are just part of our fakery.

[55:09]

This is what we're doing while we're trying to figure out who we are. It means part of your continued practice confirms you as well as others. It means your practice affects the entire earth and the entire sky in the ten directions. We're always engaged in all existence. So as this becomes a thing, this acts authentically, this engages authentically. What does that feel like physically? It feels like You're standing on the earth and living in a three-dimensional world. Although not necessarily noticed by others or by yourself.

[56:10]

It's not like you're just in the middle of doing it. And you're not busy standing back saying, oh, look at me being me. You just kind of trust yourself to be you and don't make such a fuss about it. That's a heavy thought. It's a heavy thought. Yeah, we're always looking for the moment to practice, waiting for the homework assignment to come. Meanwhile, we've probably done it ten times without being aware of it. So you're not aware of it, but we're practicing. It's like you missed something almost. But you didn't. I understand you didn't. But to me it's like when you're doing, you know, when you hit the belt. When you hit the belt, everybody in the Zen do, everybody in the Buddha hall, everybody knows if you hit it at the right time or the wrong time.

[57:20]

If you hit too light or too soft, it's like you broadcast your state of attentiveness to everybody. We just lost my door. I'm Joe on tomorrow morning. Thank you very much. So the first couple of times you do it, it's like, oh my goodness, everybody's watching, everybody's watching. And then you do it just right. They'll be so impressed. And then after a while, you just do it. And it's like, sometimes you get it just right. And sometimes you hit it just wrong. OK. Next. It's like the ripples, the ripples of self concern and self-image and all of that, when we start to put ourselves in the interconnected being, we realize we're always hitting the bell.

[58:30]

And sometimes we hit it just right. Sometimes we hit it just wrong. And sometimes people notice. And sometimes they're all caught up in themselves and they don't have a clue what you did. But why does the bell want to be run a certain way? Like, why do we expect? I mean, I'm serious. Why do we expect it to be run a certain way? Like, why do I think that if it sounds like this, this, this, and that means this kind of state of mind? I mean, isn't that just something cultural and conceptual? You're jumping ahead to the next paragraph. Because you just said Hit them barely any old way to wait. Being in the moment is obscured.

[59:31]

It's like when you say, OK, I'm going to sit here and pay attention to every inhale and every exhale, then you really notice. when you don't pay attention during . So that's one aspect of it. Then there's something about creating a mandala, physical use of physical space and use of sun. use of light and use of smell, creating a mandala of all those elements that we all consciously, orderly engage in. We create a mandala of the Buddha way, of the Buddha field.

[60:38]

That's what we do in service. And the Doha is contributing the sound, one element of the sound in that construct. So that within karmic conditioning, in some ways we're talking about seeing through karmic conditioning, but within karmic conditioning, the way can be supported too. In the first paragraph we're saying, well, don't be defined by, don't be limited by karmic conditioning. But then later we'll look at, yes, karmic conditioning can support the good way. That's our Zen answer. Isn't it also like for everybody there is like the way to hit the bell that's kind of closest to the awakening is also kind of for each one of us.

[61:46]

I mean, there's not like one hit of bell. It's the hit of bell. That's the right form. But it's also like each of us needs the form in a different way. I mean, when all people wear the same robe, you see the difference in people. So I think that's what you also know, questioning or asking about like the different cultural background and concepts that go into. You ask about that? Well, she mentioned that. That's part of it. I mean, both of your answers are part of it. Yeah. Yeah. I wasn't hearing that from you. That's what I'm asking. I think the mandala construct is precise.

[62:47]

The human engagement in it. It's its own. Each person will hit the bell the way they hit it. But that's not the request of the mandala. The request of the mandala is to do exactly this. The request of following your breathing is to follow your breathing exactly inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. That's the point I was making. And then, yes you will. will express yourself in doing that activity. Inevitably. You can't not express yourself. And I think it's also perceptible for everybody when you hit the bell completely or awake. That's perceptible even... Well, I think it may or may not be. Depends whether people are paying attention or not, you know, or whether they're just, you know,

[63:50]

lost in their own thoughts. As the level of awareness accumulates, that interconnectedness, that perceptiveness, that sensibility heightens. That's why in Sashim, the quality of collective experience often shifts. something in sometimes subtly or even dramatically in how we do service shifts because the collective sensibility moves it. And I would say that in hitting the bell with close attention and deliberation is quite literally an invitation. It draws our collective involvement into closer harmony and alignment with the mandala.

[64:59]

It was hitting it in the wrong place. People may notice that they may lose their connection to the mandala, but it won't enhance their connection to the mandala. Is that the Zen concept, using mandala, or is that you now using it? Because I rarely hear that spoken of within the teaching practice. And yet, that adds a clarity to service for me that . Well, in the Zen form, we stole our service from the Shingon school. which is a more esoteric school, in that that kind of sensibility would be part of their school. But we would relate to things.

[66:08]

In the Zen school, we would lead back implicit rather than explicit. We would just say, hit the bell exactly where I told you before. We're kind of reticent to offer any kind of explanation. Brent uses the idea of an arbor holding a plant for a large saga together. Yeah. I'm not saying that's. If you think about mandalas, they can be run, they can be square, they can be on parts. Yes? Your question or comment? I was just thinking about technique, but I think that I got caught in what you were saying as an explanation.

[67:16]

And I was thinking of music and dance as analogy, you can do a, I mean, there is such thing as a perfect plie, but no one ever achieves it. And maybe if they did, no one would be looking at that moment, which sometimes happens. So this notion of practice, in my mind, has an analogy about practice. in other aspects of life. So even the awareness, homework, it's kind of like practicing technique. It's like it's moving toward something that we call perfection, which already exists, and yet is not overachievable at the same time. Sort of. Only if we think of perfect as

[68:16]

perfectly itself, rather than perfect. Well, perfectly itself means completely itself. Each moment is completely itself. It doesn't have to be shifted into some perfect mode. You hit the bell exactly when you hit it, whether it conforms with some prescription that we have assigned to our service or not. So what I was saying in the first paragraph, Dovan is emphasizing going beyond the particulars of the karma. If you're having this experience, practice with it. If you're having this experience, practice with it. That's continuous practice. So that's very different to have an idealized notion of hitting the bell. Exactly. So it's right in the very first sentence he takes care of that.

[69:18]

He says, because when you have an idealized, when you have the ideal, you have the non-ideal. You can be aware of following your breathing, and you can be aware of not following your breathing. That's what he's emphasizing. He's talking about continuity of practice. explode more deeply. We're going to see the diligence around following your breathing enhances the capacity to be aware when you're not following the breathing. You do? Okay. Now that we summarize, we did our 10-minute summary in an hour and 15 minutes. Accordingly, but don't despair because the first paragraph sets the stage so wonderfully, although everything flows from it.

[70:27]

Accordingly, by the continuous practice of all Buddhas and ancestors, your practice is actualized and your great road opens up. you follow your breathing, or to be more precise, when attention is given to the flow of breath, it enhances the capacity to see you. The you being the thoughts, the feelings, the flickering of awareness and attention from this to that, commonly known as you. Commonly known as your attention, commonly known as your breath, commonly known as your practice. So that giving over fully and completely, the request of that makes evident what happens.

[71:38]

When that's held in awareness, it's seen for what it is. Oh, look at this state of mind. Look at how I identify with it. Look at how I grasp it. Look at how it makes me laugh, makes me cry. And as we see these attributes, we see the path. When we see the attributes of what's arising for us, the karmic conditions, the patterns, the thoughts, the feelings, the emotions, quite naturally and organically we see, oh, well then, practice the same, don't cling to that. Okay. Your mind wandered? Just be patient, just bring it back. Oh, a burst of arrogance. Well, get over it. Some vitriolic self-criticism.

[72:53]

How about a little compassion now, a little forgiveness, a little patient acceptance that maybe you're not perfect at everything. The path just unfolds, supported and guided by seeing what is Then he turns it around. By your continuous practice, the continuous practice of all Buddhas is actualized, and the great road of all Buddhas opens up. When we bring attention to following breath, we start to see what we start to experience, we start to feel what breath breathing breath is.

[73:54]

We start to experience body in the body. And this is the Buddha. The diligence, bringing this diligence to our karmic life, bringing this diligence to practicing with this karmic one starts to reveal the Buddha, starts to reveal the state of being that isn't grasping and diverting, that isn't lost in confusion and distraction. And so the Buddhas, practice of the Buddhas is actualized, And the great way of the Buddhas is opened up. Your continuous practice creates the circle of the way. So whether you start from the deep intention, or you want to call it the idealized form, or wayseeking mind, or whatever it is, the simple notion to be fully attentive to breath, inhale and exhale, revealing

[75:12]

where inhale and exhale are not fully attended to. Where you bring a diligence to attending to it and have those moments when it's realized and actualized. Either way, in the practice, they're not so separate. They move back and forth. I think we all know that. You all notice that when you're connected, you notice disconnection. When you're moving from disconnection, you start to notice moments of connection. Is that what the bloodbain document is about? What's the bloodbain document about? It's this thing that you treated me. Oh no, come on, try that. When you use the Japanese word, that would be impressive.

[76:12]

When I see the precepts, your teacher gives you this document and up the top it says Shakyamuni Buddha and then it goes through. But even above that it has an empty circle. Yeah, an empty circle and then the red line going down in Shakyamuni and the red line goes through all the ancestors down to Suzuki Roshi and Lisa, and Mel, and Blanche, and Kosho, and then it's got my name on there. And then the red line continues back up the side of the document, back to that circle at the top. The circle is? The circle is. I forgot. Paul, I'm sorry. This is off subject. It's too late to ignore it. So in a true Buddhist way, I'm going to weave it in. You're going to weave it in? Weave it in. That's the trickery of Buddhism.

[77:15]

Wherever Buddhism goes, it looks around at whatever's happening and says, this is Buddhism, you know? It's great. Whether it's bond practice in Tibet or... Brahmanistic practice in India or Taoism in China. Just wait and see what we do to America. The empty circle symbolizes both emptiness and form Then Shakyamuni is a particular karmic arising. He arises in the realm of particular existence. And then Armanakaya. And then that represents the Dharmakaya.

[78:19]

Yeah, the Dharmakaya. And then this blood vein, this blood vein of the Dharma, of the teachings of the law of all being. This is... You know, sometimes called the precept ring. This is actually the way of living and awakened wonder. Sometimes known as the bliss body. So yes, it is. And that, this was, it's this image of the, Buddha practices awakens human practice, human practice awakens Buddha practice. The sense of circularity, the sense of interdependence, of something doug and stressed. By this practice, Buddha ancestors abide as Buddha.

[79:22]

None abide as Buddha, have a Buddha mind, an attained Buddha without cutting off. That is being aware of the moment. Being aware of the clarity and connectedness of the moment. None abides Buddha. Forgetting all notions of clarity and something is and something isn't Buddha have Buddha mind the attributes of being awake and attaining Buddha without cutting off being awake without

[80:29]

separating from the flow, the flux, the activity of human karma. In one way, we could say our practice is to do this yogic practice, discover something about how do you pay attention? How do you not just get lost in distraction? How do you pay attention? How do you not just stay agitated and distracted, agitated and upset. How do you bring some ease and spaciousness? Chittababana, cultivation of consciousness. And then that, so we discover something about being present in the moment without resisting or grasping in what you might call a simplified form. And then you carry that same request into every and any state of being.

[81:38]

And so this class is called practicing inside and outside. So inside, the idea is that we create a mandala that's more conducive to this kind of awakening. And then we go out into chaos. And we bring with us the inner mandala. The mandala has been internalized. The mandala has been absorbed into the flesh, the muscles, the bone, and the marrow. And we go out into the chaos, and we practice this awakening. And everybody benefits. Tenth observing picture. So this is what, in a way, is being described here.

[82:49]

There's something very deliberate about cultivating concentration, about not being stuck in your own agitations and upsets. And then there's something about just being present for whatever it is without any kind of notion that it should be something other than what it is. And letting that soak in and then carrying that out into everything. I love this story where Suzuki Roshi was standing in line to see the movie. And someone came over to him and said, what are you into? Just the way you stand in line to see a movie. I can tell you're into something. Sounds like a 70s question. That kind of wording I haven't heard from. Yeah, that's right. I keep forgetting how long ago he was here. Long ago.

[83:50]

Definitely a 70s question. Okay, this week's homework. Inside and outside or trying to notice what helps you settle, what helps you, you know, tune in, connect. Release the agitation. Release the upset, the perplexity, the grasping, the struggling. What helps you do that? And then what is it to... This is to enter into a situation that you know is busy, dynamic, all sorts of stuff happens, and try to let that not just become crazed again.

[85:08]

Not just be caught up in all your, not have that trigger all your upsets, agitations. Okay, this is just another Buddha field. Once Mel said to me, let's go for a walk. And I said, let's go up here. It's nice and quiet. He said, we don't have to go somewhere quiet. Let's go down here where it's noisy. Sometimes it's good to go somewhere quiet and experience this space, the ease. Anyway, that's how it is for me. I don't know how this feels. And then sometimes you just go into the noise and say, OK. So what? Noise is just noise. Traffic is just traffic. Lots of people mulling around is just lots of people mulling around. I don't have to go crazy because of that.

[86:14]

I don't have to become agitated or whatever. I can just take one step at a time. And sometimes when you intentionally do that and go into such a situation, something amazing can happen. Rather than it agitating you, it supports you to be more centered. And then the trick is not to be separate. Don't divide the Buddha. Don't just be separate. Someone says, hello, how are you? And just kind of like exhale. That was just nice. You never answered the question.

[87:14]

You don't. No, you say I'm fine. How's yourself? There's a term in Japanese called sandeva. And sandeva means appropriate response. It says, when a horse is asked for, give a horse. When a poem is asked for, give a poem. When salt is asked for, give salt. There we go. So not only don't stay separate from the situation, respond appropriately. It's a little bit like you send yourself, and then you move in, and then you just dance with whatever's happening.

[88:05]

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