This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. So thank you all so much for being here tonight with me. And I see a lot of familiar faces and some new faces. So for those of you who don't know me, my name is Lucy Xiao. I'm a resident and priest here. And I'd like to welcome you to our Wednesday Dharma talk. I just came back from a three-month winter retreat in Tassajara, our monastery in the mountains. And I feel a lot of gratitude for the experience there.

[01:04]

So I'd like to start by saying that I am very grateful for having been given such a gift to practice in Tazaharan this past winter, and to have been given the opportunity to practice as what we call and meaning . The real meaning is that it's a real beginner. So I'm very grateful for that opportunity. And I want to express my deep gratitude to my teacher Ryoshin Paul Halaroshi, who is not here tonight. And also Sojin Mel Weizman Roshi, who co-led the practice here in Tazahara.

[02:13]

And I give gratitude to all my friends and teachers in Tazahara, who was such a joy to practice with. friends and teachers at City Center who, well, you all have been my Dharma family for the past 14 years. And I have been so supported and nurtured by all of you. And so I want to take this opportunity to thank you all very much. So let me get my watch out so I don't go too long. And some scribbles here in case I go off track too far.

[03:19]

So I thought tonight I will share a little bit of my experience in Tazahara. And maybe just share a story or two and see where we're going. I want to make a point, so I see if it's a parent. Oh. So as I said, being Shuzhou in Tazahara was really a learning position. So I got to learn to do compost, which I enjoy immensely.

[04:19]

And got to take my hands in trash and recycling. clean a lot of toilets, and working very closely with my teachers and the Tanto and my Benji, who's a lovely young man from Colombia. He was just here visiting for the past few days. He just left today. And I also learned to give Dharma talks. And I got to do wake up bell every morning for three months. So I'm very, very delighted. I have so much joy learning all those things and also make so many mistakes.

[05:19]

So it's a very delightful experience also, And so here's one story. So I ran wake up now, right, every morning without fail. And so I had a little routine to set my mind. Every morning I got up, maybe half hour or so earlier than the rest of the people. morning routine, and then as I set out of my cabin, put my shoes on, make my first step, I saw this little change in my mind quietly. I take refuge in Buddha, I take refuge in Tang, I take refuge in Zangka.

[06:20]

So I changed quietly until I get to the Zendo, and so I The form is to pick the wake-up bell up from . Put it on the mat and do three postulations. And then I walked around the , waking up the eight corners of the . And then I got out the door and went up the hill, started ringing like crazy. And all the way, the couple of cabins. And when I pass the teacher's cabin, I would shout, good morning, Roche.

[07:22]

It's been so far away now. And then I... ran the bell and brought it back to the temple and put it under the tongue. And did three more prostrations. I'm done. And I was ready for . And so I did that every day. Imagine I thought, you know, after three months, I knew how to do it. So two days after our last session, we had three sessions, a week-long retreat, like one-tenth schedule retreat. And a couple days after the last session, a couple days before the very end of practice period. So that morning I got up, same thing, and I went into the Zen Do, did my three prostrations, did my little mantras, and I took the wake-up

[08:27]

bell up and started to walk around the Zendo to wake up the Zendo and it felt different. And then when I started to shake the bell, it didn't go ding ding, it went cluck, cluck, cluck. So I was very surprised. And I tried again, cluck, cluck, cluck. And then I immediately ran to the Tanto's cabin because, you know, he was like 9-1-1. So I ran to the Tanto's cabin and I said, Tanto-san, the wake-up bell doesn't ring. He expected it. He was like, you know, woken up. There was a crack in it. So there was a crack in the wake-up bell.

[09:28]

And they gave it back to me, do your best. So, I started, and then I was like, what am I going to do? And then I started to shout, wake up! Wake up! And then somebody got out of the man's dorm with Key. If you know Key, he's a fun guy. And he's usually up a little early because he only sleeps 12 at night. Do you know him? So he got out of the man's dorm and he said, Shuzo, looks like you need some help. So he ran behind you with some kind of musical something that shapes, like with the kind of, what do you call it, with the salad?

[10:39]

Okay, so I was running like with the clock clock bell, wake up! And then he ran behind me, he was like, wake up, wake up! And then pretty soon he started to say, Wake up, you fools. And then, you know, that was glamorous. I was, like, totally confused. I was like, you know, early morning, having this experience. I wanted to say to him, please don't call people fools. That's not very nice. And then, after we finished, Thank you so much. And then everything remained normal after that. And I put the bell back. And so later that morning, the panel told me, well, it's April Fool's Day.

[11:53]

somebody play that joke on you he didn't realize it like early in the morning when he was like just waking up and later my Benji you know my assistant told me that a bunch of them kind of cooked up this idea of kind of playing this joke on me, and they debated it, because half of them didn't think it was so funny, it would make me upset. Half of them thought I would enjoy the joke. So that afternoon during work period, at the beginning of work period, we had a work meeting, and I made an announcement, I said, You know, during the practice period, we studied the Precious Jewel Mirror Samadhi, and some of the Jewel Mirror Samadhi, and the last two lines.

[13:13]

I want you to know, like, practice like a fool like you do, so I made an announcement. I was told to practice like a fool, like an idiot. And I did. Thank you all very much. So that was the story. Which gave me great insight. As we spent the whole practice period studying the Song of the Great, Song of the Jumira Samadhi, you know, If you've studied that poem, a lot of it was a little kind of abstract or hard to understand. But the last two lines, I now have very close personal experience. And I really enjoyed it. And so I've been studying it. And I want to share it.

[14:18]

I'm studying and what I feel I get out of it with you tonight. So the poem, Song of the Junior Samadhi was written by great master Dongshan Liangjie or Tozan Liu Kai, who was the founder of the Taodong School, Soto School in China. And he composed this poem to describe Zen practice and different stages or aspects of Zen practice. the transmission of practice.

[15:23]

So it's a very long poem, so I'm going to focus the two lines that I'm most interested in. Which is, after the whole long poem about this very, sometimes very sophisticated descriptions or images, of practice, it comes down to . Practice secretly, working within, like a fool, like an idiot, just to continue in this way, is called the host within the host. Do you want to hear it in Chinese? Yes, yes. . So I will explain the characters just a little bit.

[16:27]

So practice secretly working within, you know, there are two characters there that mean here it's translated, our translation has secretly in it. So it means, the character means unnoticed, unnoticeable, or hidden view, not up front. So practice in a way that you don't need to be noticed. working with our translations and working within. And this character means closely, intimately, continuously, or secretly. Because Chinese characters can mean many things. practice or to use or to function in practice closely.

[17:35]

Paying very close attention and practice continuously and internally with yourself. And the next line is We say like a fool or like an idiot. So like, you know, someone who is kind of foolish or who is slow or dull, dull-witted. So like a fool, like an idiot. Just to continue this way or if, only if, you can. continue like this, is called the host within the host. So it can also mean master of the master.

[18:36]

So the same character means the host of the house or the master of the house. So usually it describes one's awakened mind, true mind, awareness. So, again, practice secretly, working within, or working closely, like a fool, like an idiot, like you don't really know what to do. And just to continue this way is called the host within the host. So when I look at this text, I can think about many people I met in my life who I feel they uphold great practice and find examples of practice.

[19:54]

Today, when I thought about it, I remember Marvin. Many or some of you would remember him. Marvin was a resident here for many years. He passed away, well, five years ago. And he ordained at the age of 80. Yeah, he lived here. And he didn't ordain until kind of before he died, and he became Shusou before he died. And I remember him, I still remember him, you know, putting away dishes. You know, on Sunday, we have a lot of dishes piled up usually, and he was always there, putting away dishes, kind of like, you know, tireless. He was a quiet man. I don't feel that he needed any attention.

[20:57]

He just did it. And he helped people very quietly. And I have such fond memory of him. And when he passed away, many of us were surrounding him in the hospital and chanting for him. It was such a beautiful, and I had such great respect for him. So somehow he came to my mind today when I looked at this poem. And so this idea of practice like a fool is actually not unique. in Master Dongshan's teaching, it's actually quite common in general Chinese culture or ways.

[22:06]

So there are actually many different ways to talk about this quality of, we can say, practice, this quality of human being. How many of you have heard of Tao Te Ching? Yes. So it's like the main teaching. you know, Taoism in China. And a very famous quote in Tao Te Ching is that highest benevolence is like water. It benefits all and thus not. It benefits all and thus so without contention.

[23:09]

It goes to where others dislike to be. Therefore, it is close to the way. So, So it uses the image of water to describe this virtual or this quality. Because, you know, we all have seen the water. Flowing water. Well, in Ta-Sahara, the Ta-Sahara Creek, after the few rains, there was more water. in the creek, and then I like to go down to the creek side and watch the water. So the water, it doesn't fight. It goes to places to places, and it just shapes itself around the things it met in the way, and then kept flowing.

[24:15]

And it Doesn't make a big deal out of it. And other things like to go up, go to the higher place. Water always goes down, goes to the lower place. And by doing so, it somehow finds its way to the great ocean. which is home. So that's almost like, you know, something moves along the way where water goes, might say to the water, you know, you are just kind of foolish. You know, you always go to the low place. And nobody wants to go to low place.

[25:19]

You know, you don't fight, you don't need to make a big deal out of things. And why do you do that? So, I don't know what I would say, but maybe it will say, well, That's how I found the ocean. So anyway, I thought about this quote from also when I read the lines from the Junior Samadhi. And you know Suzuki Roshi, he was also talking about the same thing when he mentioned, or when he said, the beginner's mind.

[26:21]

The mind that doesn't assume anything, the mind that's humble, that's empty, that's ready to take in the teachings. And, you know, I have him here. So this is, I inherited this from Jerome. This is the first edition of Zeman Degina's mind, printed in 1970. So Suzuki Roshi said, by the way, when he talked about, in the paragraph where he talked about the Beginner's mind. He also mentioned original mind. So being Chinese or reading the Chinese characters, I kind of make the connection.

[27:31]

So the character, Beginner's mind, Shou Xin, or Chu Xin in Chinese. The character Shou or Chu can mean the beginning. Or it can also mean original. So the very first one. Our original mind includes everything within itself. And then later it said, if your mind It's empty. It is always ready for anything. It is open to everything. In the beginner's mind, there are many possibilities. In the expert's mind, there are a few, or there are few. So... So...

[28:37]

Practice period has really taught me to remind me again and again that my mind is so easy to go to the extra side. You know, after ringing the wake-up bell for three months, I know how to ring the wake-up bell. I know what it's like, but I don't really know. And life will teach me. Sometimes life teaches us by surprise. And what I learned is that if I'm open to the opportunity to this teaching, If I allow myself to not know what's going to happen or allow myself to be a student to learn what's trying to teach me, let's see.

[29:54]

Allow myself not to be the expert. Then I'll learn something. in my own practice. So having done this practice living here for a while, sometimes it kind of gets familiar. And sometimes, oh yeah, I've done it. I've done it hundreds of times. And this is the way I do it. I just do it this way. mind until something happens. And so many surprises came in the practice period or in general that tell me, you know, you have a lot to work on.

[31:14]

You have a lot to learn. And just keep doing it. Don't forget. that you are a beginner. And don't lose or don't be afraid to be a fool. So being Chinese, I've been greatly influenced by a lot of the practices in Chinese. in the Chinese tradition, one of which is bowing practice. So I feel the bowing practice is one of the best ways to express this teaching of practicing like a fool, practicing like a beginner, and practicing with a humble mind.

[32:22]

And it kind of physically puts you in a position of lowering your body with five points touching the floor, elbows, knees, and with your forehead. And for quite a while, I did bottom practice on my own. And then somehow I stopped. And the past few years, I did very little. And so toward the later part of the class of our practice period, I started again. I just felt that there is so much I felt like that, but I didn't. And I needed to start again. And every day, every day reminds me, because every day I have this

[33:23]

mind of expert coming up right and thinking I know something. But I think it's a, for me it's a great practice. So I want to share that with you. And I wanted to share this talk with you. I hope to encourage your practice, and for the most part, I hope to encourage myself to continue to practice. Thank you all for encouraging me for being my family.

[34:39]

And so I'd like to leave a few minutes. If any of you have questions, please raise your hand. Yes. Thank you. You are a very skilled medical person. I'm interested in the books. And there seems to me to be a need for an expert's mind. And I'm wondering if the expert's mind and the beginner's mind on how they can peacefully coexist and actually inform each other and dance with each other. And the way you get into beginner's mind is better than expert's mind.

[35:47]

That doesn't feel quite right. Well, to me, like you said, in my work practice, What's most useful to me is a curiosity. Like I've learned a lot of things from school. I've learned from my own experience. But when I have a new case come in, actually, it's not so helpful to jump immediately based on my. But of course, your experience or my experience can tell me a lot. But being able to sit down and listen to what this particular person bring in that particular day with a fresh new heart and mind is very helpful.

[36:48]

And because people change, body changes, I change. And I don't feel kind of integrating knowledge with that kind of open-mindedness is contradicting to each other. But it is not contradicting. Yeah. I think You know, we all have experience. But oftentimes, we tend to rely too much on our experience or our habit. And I personally emphasize this only because I feel like I have a tendency to kind of go, just think.

[37:52]

OK, I know. So to me, it helps to remind myself. So this is a practice in a family way. And I wonder how has your relationship to the sangha and your sangha practice changed? about the experience of the winter? The winter practice period. I want to say, you know, when I came back, I was so overwhelmed by the warm-hearted welcome home. And it really felt, you know, this It's my Sangha, my Dharma family.

[39:07]

Maybe one subtle change I felt in my heart is that I, you know, In the past, I also felt, oh, this is my sangha, my family. But as you are, imagine you've lived with like a 60-people family or 70, and there's a lot of sibling things going on. So after practice period, I just feel that, you know, these are my brothers and sisters. And they really are my brothers and sisters. And I'm really okay with that.

[40:11]

Thank you, brother. Yeah, so we were reading from first page of a Zen line beginner's line. And so I know that you've been studying calligraphy, and you probably go back to study calligraphy again. That first page has calligraphy on the left that no one ever translates besides that one. Which one? This one? Yeah. And then also, how does seeing those characters, what can you tell about Sustakiroshi and how he wrote that? So the characters on the left is Suzuki Roshi's name. It says ,, the one story of . And there is a flow.

[41:19]

in his calligraphy, in his writing. And in China, when we practice calligraphy, we say your calligraphy, your writing is like your person. It is your person. So it flats your mind. Because when you practice calligraphy, it's your mind. Well, your body too, but really your mind shows. So it shows the... very flexible, and I really appreciate that. Thank you. Any other questions? April 2nd? Well, it was a whole new day. Well, the crack bell, Well, they switched, of course, they switched the regular bell with the broken one, that on April 1st, right?

[42:28]

And April 2nd, I was given the crab bell as a souvenir. Called the practice fruit. It's in my room if you want to bring it. Come get it. Any other questions? Thank you. I remember that you had some hesitation about, or I don't know exactly, but about the meetings with the students and having tea and that kind of thing. What was the, like, some questions about the meeting at the board in relation to your practice, and I wonder If you're feeling about that, let's shift it over the course of the practice period, or have that practiced?

[43:29]

It's, you know, before I went down to Tausakara, I had some hesitation. Because, you know, I was interested in Zazen. You know, in my mind, practice was more about Zazen. And then I wasn't too excited about all the rituals and all the things. You do all these rituals. You have tea with everybody. Which is fun, but to me, I used this word when I went to Dofusang with Sojin Roshi. To me, you know, it's like the packaging, gift wrap of the gift.

[44:38]

I was like, you know, I'm not sure about that part. But I went, and it's totally... enjoyable. And I totally delighted in meeting with people and doing all these different things. And I also got . As you know. So yeah, to answer your question, yeah, it was fun. Life brings you surprises. certain about my ideas of how it is. Did you feel, though, that you're offering something meaningful, or that maybe even for you, it wasn't so much for your passion live, but maybe through that offering you could help someone to

[45:49]

Well, you know, as soon as I got there, I forgot all of that. I just dropped that. You know, it was just some ideas. It was some ideas about something and nothing, you know, form and emptiness. But as soon as I got there, it kind of dropped, and that just kind of flowed one thing after another. They keep you busy, so you don't have time to think about it. Thank you for taking up the role. My pleasure. Last minute question? So it's time to go to bed, I guess. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving.

[47:14]

May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[47:17]

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