And please feel free to chant along with me, but I guess everyone should stay muted for now. An unsurpassed, penetrating and perfect dharma is rarely met with, even in a hundred thousand million kalpas, having it to see and listen to, to remember and accept. I vow to taste the truth of the Tathagata's words. Well, good evening. I wonder how everyone is doing in this new world we find ourselves in. So I want to talk tonight about... the practice of being upside down. And there's a neuroscientist named Regina Polly, who wrote a paper called The Predicting Brain.

[01:32]

And in this paper, she says, we learn from the past what to predict for the future. Then we live the future that we expect. And I think this is meant to be a cautionary tale and to raise the question of how can we find freedom from our past? How can we find freedom from our expectations and from our conditioning, freedom from our biases? In particular, What do we learn from the past when it comes to responding, when we're challenged, when we're feeling uncomfortable? What happens? What do we do when reality is not... Do you tend to get yourself busy?

[02:38]

Or do you tend to withdraw? Or do you take this being uncomfortable as a sign to stop and notice? Can you be curious about how you shape your world? Can you stop and explore your tendencies and to shift from being on autopilot to working, seeing differently? You know, there's a core Zen teaching, Buddhist teaching of impermanence says that each moment is unique. Each moment is different. But the question is how can we live that? How can we embody that sense of impermanence, that sense of change? And I'd like tonight to explore

[03:40]

ways that we respond, ways that we can have more freedom when what happens doesn't meet our expectations. And to see that this can be an opportunity to see ourselves and others, see our world with more clarity. And I want to introduce one of my favorite Zen stories that's in a collection. of the Mumon Khan, or the gateless barrier. And it's more of an image than a story. It's just a few lines. And it says, it's like a buffalo that passes through a latticed window. Its head, horns, and four legs all pass through. Why can't its tail pass through as well? So again, this is a great image, right?

[04:41]

If you picture this big buffalo jumping through a window, and all of it goes through, but for some reason, the tail doesn't go through. So this doesn't meet our expectations. It's not logical. It doesn't make sense. It's not what we predict. And I hope this sounds familiar with what's happening right now. There's nothing logical about what's happening with this pandemic, with this social distancing. I mean, in some way there is, but there's something very unnerving about it. It's a lot like, I think, this buffalo going through the window and all of it goes through, but not the tail. And I think this story is meant to present us with something uncomfortable. something unexpected and asks us, how do you respond when you're feeling groundless, when you're feeling uncomfortable?

[05:49]

And it's one of the things I love about Zen and Zen teachings is that it teaches in story. And sometimes these stories are dramatic. Sometimes they're humorous. Sometimes they're paradoxical. And I think this one is all of that. A buffalo jumping through a window. And yet the tale won't go through. It's drama and humor and paradox. So how do we work with the story? What do we make of this image of the tale not going through? And for this, I want to talk about the commentary. There's a beautiful line of commentary by Uman, who's the collector of these stories. And his advice is, he says, you must get upside down with this one. You must get upside down with this one. Discern it clearly and give a turning word.

[06:53]

Only then can you meet the four obligations. Pay close attention to the tale and you will resolve it at last. This image of the buffalo and how it doesn't make sense and how nothing seems to make sense right now. Our political leaders, they don't make sense. Climate change, inequality, social distancing. Even before this event, the level of denial and insanity. I mean, this is our chance, I think, right now. The feeling that the rug has been pulled out from us is a lot like the opportunity to be upside down, to see ourselves and the world from a different, unexpected perspective. So he says, if you want to see more clearly, you must get upside down.

[08:00]

Pay close attention to the tale. Pay attention to what defies our logic, what defies our usual predictions. to find more clarity by turning the world upside down. So I think this is the gift of this time, amidst all of the suffering and pain that there is. The gift of this time is that our worlds have been turned upside down. And we can now see how upside down the world is. And again, even before this event, I think we've been fooled and misled by our desire for comfort and for our desire to have the past keep playing out in the future. We treat the earth as though it's an endless vending machine. We've been thinking and acting as though we're separate from nature and from life. And now that we can see more upside down, perhaps

[09:06]

we have the opportunity to see more clearly. And so often we think of ourselves as unworthy and we underestimate our own power, our power to shape our thinking and to form our worlds. And again, now that we are upside down, perhaps we can see our own worthiness, our own power. And I think of zazen practice. the practice of zazen, the practice of sitting meditation as the practice of turning our worlds upside down, letting go of the past, letting go of expectations of everything that's known, emptying ourselves, letting go of the ideas of right side up or upside down, and in some ways sitting still, Just sitting, it doesn't make any sense. It's a lot like that tail. Why just sit still?

[10:08]

And yet there's something about this question of why doesn't the tail go through the window? And when I read this story the other day, I had the image of being at the births of my children, of my son and my daughter. as they were being born into this world. I watched as they passed through the opening of their mother, first the head, then the body, legs, and feet. And yet there was some part of them that still seemed connected to the world before they were born, the world that exists before birth, a place beyond words and images. And in many ways, this connection to the world before they were born was like that tiny tail that felt in some way even more vital than this human existence.

[11:17]

And I also pictured this image of the buffalo going through the window and the tail not going through reminded me also of being with my mother as she was dying. and breathing with her slowly, seeing how completely present she was with each breath. And at the same time, I could feel her body and mind begin to travel, to begin to pass through the world of life to the world of something else. Her last breath was deep and full and strong, and then not another, no exhale. She was passing through, and yet there she was, right there in front of me. My own life and being remained completely connected with her, and yet. And this story, the buffalo in this story was a water buffalo that's an important member of the farming family all throughout Asia.

[12:26]

And it represents... It represents our essential nature. It represents each of us, how we each pass through the gate of practice. We've opened to something new, some insight, yet there's something that doesn't quite fit. There's something that's uncomfortable. How could it be that the tail doesn't pass through, that darn tail? I also think about when I lived at Tassajara, we had a good friend, a woman named Carol Rankin. Some of you might have known Carol. And Carol was someone who rebelled against the Tassajara Zen style and wanted Zen to be a bit more feminine and very stealthily always wore a pink under robe under her black robes. This is how she turned her world

[13:28]

upside down. And when she left Tassahara, Carol found out that she had cancer. And there was a time when my wife, Lee, was very pregnant with our daughter and was waiting to give birth. And Carol Rankin at that time was waiting to die. And there was this beautiful sense of both of them going through these passages, the passages of going through the window of birth and going through the window of death. And I remember walking into the room as they were both laughing about that they were both waiting, waiting for birth and waiting for death. And we ended up naming our daughter Carol in honor of our friend Carol Rankin. And to practice, is to realize our lives beyond ideas and labels of success and not success, beyond fear, beyond greed, beyond finding some safe place for ourselves.

[14:41]

So Wuman says, if you can get upside down with this one, that is, if you can see yourself in the world upside down from the usual perspective, of success and failure and right and wrong and comfort and discomfort. It's much like in our practice, we vow to save all beings. And of course, we can't save all beings. But our practice is to make this effort, not because we think we'll be successful, but because we want to because we have to. We appreciate the fact that we can't save all beings. This is like appreciating the tale in this case, that there's something, we make this strong, sincere effort despite the impossibility of it. So only when we get upside down can we see clearly and can we give a turning word.

[15:51]

Only by being upside down Can our speech come from a place that is clear? It's funny, I'm hearing coyotes. I don't know if you can hear them. There's coyotes out my window singing. Or maybe they're buffalo singing. Huh, interesting. Lots and lots of coyotes here in Mill Valley tonight. So no matter... no matter where we are in our practice, we're constantly missing the mark, constantly creating confusion, despite our best intentions. If only it weren't for that darn tail. If only that buffalo could go all the way through the window. So he says, if you can get upside down with this one, then we can meet the four obligations.

[16:53]

And the four obligations in Buddhist lore are our parents, where we live, all beings, and the three treasures, our teachers, the teachings, and the community. Can you hear the baby in the background? So on one side of me, I hear these coyotes. And my grandson is crying on the other side. Got to love this new world of teaching from home. It's a great thing. Yeah. So there's tremendous suffering and insanity in the world. But we shouldn't overlook what is healthy and beautiful.

[17:57]

Of course, we must face and meet the challenges of these times, but not at the expense of our joy, our connections, the laughter of a child, coyotes singing and babies crying, the sunrise, the new colorful lupin emerging, through the soil these days. This story is about not being fooled or caught by thinking that everything is suffering or that everything is not suffering, to not be caught by our limited ideas, by our tendencies, to not be caught by the past, and to find a way to emerge with freshness and openness, with open hearts, even in the midst of this most uncomfortable time. Throughout my life, I've had a repeating dream.

[19:04]

And I had it, I used to have it regularly as a child and still every once in a while. And in my dream, I'm standing on the moon and I spread out my arms wide and let myself fall backwards. And I begin to float backwards through the air, spinning head over heels. And I usually feel terrified and excited and completely in the moment wondering what will happen next. And then I land on the earth with a big thud flat on my back. And I slowly open my eyes as I wake up from the dream. and wonder, am I dreaming now? Am I awake now? What is it to be alive? And I'm lying on my bed drenched in sweat, relieved and happy to be alive. And at the same time, knowing that this dream is likely to happen again, I will look at the world backwards, not knowing, not knowing if I'm asleep or awake.

[20:19]

And when I think of this image, this story of the buffalo passing through the window and everything going through except the tail, I think of myself as, after having lived at the Zen Center, after having been a resident for 10 years, that I chose to enter the business world, which made no sense at all. It was totally... choosing to turn my world upside down, it seemed in some way like the most difficult, unexpected thing that I could possibly do, so contrary to any ideas that I had about myself or who I was. And yet there was something that drew me to enter the world of business and that world of success and failure, to enter the world of money. And I have to say, though I've had many, I should have gone to medical school days, or what was I possibly thinking?

[21:32]

There's something about how drawn I was to turn my world upside down and to do something that seemed totally unexpected. And it was a great teacher, Dogen, who famously said, When the teaching or when the Dharma does not fill your whole body and mind, you think it is already sufficient. When the teaching fills your body and mind, you understand that something is missing. So Dogen is turning our world upside down. Something, something missing. And appreciating being uncomfortable. the sense that it's okay to turn our worlds upside down and to be uncomfortable. How can we find a greater clarity? This is the great, I think, teaching of this story and of Dogen.

[22:34]

What's missing? The whole buffalo passing through the window, head, horns, and four legs. Why can't the tail pass through? And I think our... I think our great job, our task in practice is to remain open, to find some sense of comfort and clarity while the world and we are upside down. As Dogen says in his essay, Instructions to the Head Cook, the definition of practice is nothing in the universe is hidden. And there's something about being upside down that seems to reveal ourselves and reveal others and reveal the world in some new, fresh way as we're all now upside down.

[23:36]

How do we keep our hearts open even when turned upside down? The buffalo passing through the window except the tail, is to stay open, open to what we don't expect. We expect that the buffalo will go all the way through, but it doesn't. How could it go through completely except the tail? What is there? What is there to learn here? One of my favorite Zen questions that I've been asking myself over and over again, especially these last many years is, what is the impossible request this life asks of me? What a great question. What is the request our lives ask of us right now? Why is it so difficult to really love ourselves?

[24:42]

Why is it so difficult to accept ourselves completely. And let's see if we can turn ourselves upside down and allow and embrace this love for ourselves and for each other. So what I'm hoping for is that we can each savor this time, these moments that are so unexpected. where the future is playing out in some unprecedented way, savoring this practice of meditation, savoring our love, savoring our fear, savoring our grief, savoring each breath, whether online or in person, savoring our differences and profound similarities and our connection.

[25:48]

Let's not be afraid to be upside down. And, you know, we've been studying this in this intensive, some of you are in the intensive where we've been studying Dogen's instructions to the head cook and again to come back to his recommendations to savor and practice a joyful mind grandmother mind the mind of unconditional love and great mind the mind that cuts through separation and lack of clarity and i want to end by uh reading One of my favorite poems, again, I imagine many of you know this, but I hope you don't grow tired of it, or maybe new for some of you. It's a poem by William Stafford, which I think is just right for these times and this evening, called You Reading This, Be Ready.

[26:56]

Starting here, what do you want to remember? How sunlight creeps along a shining floor. What scent of old wood hovers? What softened sound from outside fills the air? Will you ever bring a better gift for the world than the breathing respect that you carry wherever you go right now? Are you waiting for time to show you some better thoughts? When you turn around, starting here, lift this new glimpse that you found. Carry into evening all that you want from this day. This interval that you spent reading or hearing this, keep it for life. What can anyone show you greater than now?

[27:59]

Starting here, right in this room. when you turn around? Will you ever bring a better gift for the world than the breathing respect that you carry wherever you go right now? Are you waiting for time to show you some better thoughts? This interval you spent reading or hearing this keep it for life. What can anyone give us greater than So I'd like to open it up to see. I hope people have some comments or questions or reflections. So you can use the, I think the participant button at the bottom and you can raise your hand to ask a question and Kodo, maybe you can help me out here, but.

[29:23]

Yeah, you've got the right idea there, Mark. Just if you'd like to offer a comment or ask a question. You can hover your mouse over the bottom of the Zoom window and find the Manage Participants button, and that will reveal a list of names. And then underneath that list of names, there should be an option to raise your hand. And I'd like to invite you, if you're the kind of person that never would ask a question in a group, this is a good time to turn your world upside down. Go for it. Let's see. So Liz. has her hand up. Liz, where are you? You can unmute yourself. Hey. I know it's a hard time for different religions because of coronavirus, but I was just wondering, do you live in a Buddhist...

[30:31]

I forget what you guys call it, where you guys live together. I was just wondering if y'all practice. So, Liz, I heard what I could hear. You were asking if we live in a Buddhist center. Some people... Sorry. Yeah. Was there more to your question, Liz? I was just wondering if that's where y'all live and if so, then how do you practice the social stuff that tell us to you on TV? Standing feet apart and et cetera. Yeah. Some people, probably quite a few people on this call, do live... at the San Francisco Zen Center or maybe other temples as well.

[31:35]

I'm currently living in a house in just north of San Francisco, but I was up until about a week ago, I was living in the building at Zen Center. And it's been an enormous shift to work toward social distancing And it's been quite an effort and it's been impressive to see how well people have... It means that people are no longer sitting in the zendo. I think meals in the dining room have been people are eating with at least six feet apart. And I think everyone is making their best effort to be as safe as possible. I have to say I was really impressed by the... zen center leadership as this was all unfolding and the level of um clarity and transparency was was truly impressive other questions or comments

[32:47]

Yeah, hi. I think I'm unmuted. You are. Hi. Good to see you. I don't know if you can see us, and I don't have a video up, even if you could. So I participated in the work intensive online. I had planned to do that online from the beginning from Reno, Nevada, so over the hill from you. But I was reading, starting to read one of the recommended texts, which is a book of yours. And I really only made it, with everything else going on, a short ways into the introduction. But something that continued to stand out to me and has resurfaced for me as I just sit and also try and attend to remote work and life and a lot of uncertainty is your mention of role of composure and how that comes about with a mindfulness practice in relation to work, but also just in life and navigating so many unknowns.

[34:23]

And I wondered if you'd speak more to that concept and how it might be beneficial right now. Yeah, thanks for that question. Although recently someone asked me to give a talk about staying composed in the midst of uncertainty. And my, my first reaction was that sometimes staying calm and composure can be highly overrated that, you know, that, that I think, you know, often one of the things that my part of my day job is teaching emotional intelligence in the, in the business world. And, and, And I think there's something about completely experiencing our full set of emotions. And it may be a bit paradoxical, right?

[35:25]

So maybe, you know, I think right now there's something about allowing ourselves to feel fully whatever we are feeling. to be able to explore our own fear and grief and worry and anxiety and composure. And to ask the question, is it... And this is a little bit, I think, going back to the image of the buffalo going through the window and the tail doesn't go through. It's a little bit like asking the question, is it possible... to find composure right in the midst of all of these strong feelings, right? Can we find composure even when we're feeling grief, even when we're feeling that the rug has been pulled up, pulled from under us? So again, I think to practice and challenge ourselves, you know,

[36:36]

I think a lot of practice is about being able to fully feel what we're feeling, to fully experience our full range of emotions, including composure and calmness. I don't feel like that's necessarily the aim other than this paradoxical sense of finding composure within our strongest feelings, if that's possible. Thank you for that question. Thank you. Lisa. You've unmuted me. Thank you for this. The metaphors are so rich that it's hard for me to articulate what my question is, but it has something to do with integrity and wholeness. So.

[37:38]

In aging, I've been feeling that the process I'm involved in is going back through the window the other way to catch up with the part that didn't come through before. That's always been there. But on the other side of the window, it seemed like one wouldn't acknowledge that one hadn't all the way gotten through. And you mentioned that this was a latticed window. Yes. So to put a solid buffalo, and I have this image, this wonderful time I was in Vietnam and I got to take an amazing picture of a young boy as a rainstorm was breaking and he was riding his buffalo home and he had the most ecstatic look on his face.

[38:38]

And the buffalo was very big and very solid. And I thought, you're asking me to put this buffalo through this window with a lattice, and it's just the tail that doesn't get through? Like, this is wonderful to try to sort it all out, and I can't do it in this short time. addressing what it was that I thought I was growing into when I was little and growing up. And I realize now that was, I was being indoctrinated in some way to think that this was always going to be normal and that that's what I need to adapt to. And my success in growing up is to become one with that. And in fact, we're undoing it all now.

[39:42]

It's all unraveling. And it's a wonderful adventure. These pieces make us whole. I'm thinking that that's what the koan is for me right at the moment. Yeah, Lisa, it sounds like you're doing a great job at turning your world upside down. Right? I mean, really, you know, even this thing about... aging and returning and maybe growing younger with each breath. And yeah, savoring this moment, this life. So thank you. Thank you. Alex. Oh, hello there. Hi. I was unmuted and then I still unmuted myself.

[40:44]

Fantastic koan. I just have some comments. I feel like we're being reminded that this is all an experiment, that life is not organized. And I think I am conducting my own experiment of not... tuning in to the news media and just to see what happens. And I'm just, yeah, why doesn't the tale go through? And I'm curious, what is part of that? What is this tale? Is it an illusion? And maybe I'll have to read the koan, but I don't know. I can't make... I can't make heads or tails of what's going on or whether to be optimistic in one moment or not. Yes. No pun intended, right?

[41:46]

With heads or tails, right? Yeah, I think, yeah, I mean, it asks the question, like, what is reality, right? What are we, what does it mean, you know, the commentary of, turning our world upside down in order to see more clearly and, uh, and not being fooled by our, what, how we create the world based on our past, right? Based on the past, of course, the Buffalo and the tail, you know, if it's going to go through, it would go all the way through, but, but, and yet there's this big, uh, and yet. Right. Two of my favorite words in the Zen tradition. Well, we should stop.

[42:46]

I was just reflecting that. I know David had mentioned earlier that this would be a good time to settle down and help people go to sleep. So I hope that my talk was boring enough that it helped you in your... in your endeavor to relax and be able to go from this, this time, don't get too excited about the, the tale and these, and these ideas. And I hope you all get a really good nights, a really good night's sleep. And, and please do, please do savor this time and this life and, Let's take really good care of ourselves and each other. And I think as a way of ending, I will do the ending chant.

[43:50]

And I think you can all chant along, but probably staying muted. Otherwise it doesn't work so well. Beings are numberless. I vow to save them. delusions are inexhaustible i vow to end them dharma gates are boundless i vow to enter them buddha's way is unsurpassable i vow to become it good night everyone

[44:29]

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