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my ah ignorant
there are because since it's popped out and started popping up in many many places so i may have seen it before but i did did it didn't register at all
and it sort of it it began with something that branch quoted or the last time she spoke from suzuki roshi
when he said that your difficulty i will show you the way
happens that's pretty
he's pretty calm pretty calm your difficulty will show you the way course when you really look at it and the difficulty is usually the place we don't want to go and that's why we call it difficulty
but somehow he says that if you enter the difficulty somehow something will happen i expect liberation
well that was sung
mildly on
disconcerting to hear a to
ah a difficulty will show you the way
i had known in doing counseling with people that's what you listened for is where the passion is
you know they can go on and on on and on and tell you this endless story but once they start getting to where it really hurts where where it's really exciting or then your ears pick up because sooner or later they will tell you the key
sooner or later but it feel the passion with not it's not in their the dullness
so then i was reading this book on the tigers cave
you know when you read some of the sense outfit will you'll come across
like a sentence
and you will know in your heart that god this is true this is true but your mind can't quite make that turn into delicious that delicious feeling
it's like being on the hunt i was like chasing the arc they get something she has footprints or think of tail
that's you know i let them
is on the something and i know and it if it's a completely has to do it me of course
but i can't quite get my my mind around it which courses the point
so then i hope so reading this book about the heart sutra of all things he makes a he quotes dogan and i don't know where this comes from
that's some of you now please to prevent me no later
ah he quotes token by saying the token said the more abundant the clay the bigger the buddha
it makes sense
but we went on to say was that when dota was referring to my clay was unbridled raging passion
who the fuck
let this was news to me
the bigger in other words the bigger the suffering the bigger the buddha
something's wrong something's wrong here right now but at least when i read it oh but it's also true so what can this meme so i read on and i could feel my mind trying to bend
and it wouldn't for quite awhile
well then yesterday been reading a turncoat over the transmission of the light by case i'm now stumbled upon a phrase which in one we had three translations at it and one of them the the first two were kind of mild i thought rather mild
so i like the third one which was not mild with more outrageous and what does this author translated the case on as saying that once you're raging passion burst forth you will have a profound realization of the truth
graco ranging passion we don't often think of buddhism enraging passions on how those things are helpful
what's his name one like at in translating this
japanese abbott's in ah
the tigers cape yeah he went on to quote vimalakirti who had a poem
he said he said that the loudest doesn't grow on high meadow but in the base slime and meyer does it grow
isn't this interesting you you wouldn't think so would you know it seems like high and lofty as much more place for buddha's than in a cesspool
then then both from and i'm also reading a book
scholar to his consulting with a japanese sound roshi poor
who are about them
technical difficulties
i want this recorded for my grandchildren
ah you're working

thank you miss you know
wareham and she's she's talking about it you and and just to just in passing mentioned many times as if everybody knows this that the passions are body
the passions are body of course i never heard this before but if you talking about the passions or boating at the passions wicked
and to be destroyed at all costs
that's my training isn't yours
the the idea of buddha sitting under a tree with a sort of golden glow no passion there
so i didn't write down
and then i was reminded also by reading this it reminded of my so it it passed in reading the desert fathers and where where one of the one of the young monks that won't happen to be a father one of the young monks came to the the father and said in fathers that will have the going
how's your prayer life and he said well it's it's so boring
i'm happy enough
but nothing i don't seem to be getting anywhere and so the discipline this as will go to yourself and pray god to give you a struggle for the soul is only matured in battle
interesting course they lived alone which was probably a pint of the problem if they they've been community like we do
i might have plenty to work with
so at any rate down
in terms of 'em passion
in terms of 'em western i western institutionalized spirituality
our passions aren't so good in fact you go to all kinds of blanks to subdue and conquer them right
welcome to find out the as if these people were the is mahayana folks writing the ones that said passions are body
and they didn't they take a rather dim view of the terrified and folks and they say that the the terror of think nirvana is complete extinction
and so what you work at them diligently is in destroying the passions when they arise somehow destroying them so that when they go then there's no need for life and birth
it's like birth and death
so then you're free free from any any future lives which never quite never really appealed to me so much personally
because i i didn't i didn't find that that was very possible to destroy passions is because they were the enemy i had a
who she wasn't really exactly of friends use an acquaintance but sheer in
she was a professor at a university and she in this is in the late seventies
she was having trouble she was a writer course and so she was having trouble with her hands and she was on diagnosed with something that none of us had ever heard of before recall that carpal tunnel syndrome this isn't the seventies and it was really quite terrible for she said
was like sticking your hands into a brasier kind of searing hot pain and so they tried all kinds of things for operations you're scraping off the the nerve opening up retinal tunnel and scraping the scar tissue up the nerve and all that sort of stuff we finally ended up with
a transmitter that they put electrical impulses into the printer of i guess that then the pain or something something like that but thing was she she wrote a book about it and she called it dealing with pain
and she used as a
get a structure
that format structure
the writings of a very famous german general or war
and she dealt with the pain as if it were a war
and you know i don't i don't i don't think it worked so well it seemed like the longest she went the tighter she got tighter both and heart and and nine so and i so i went and i started reading the book as she ensures a friend and i just didn't i didn't like it
the it didn't smack of me as a the truth coming from a family at war personally were always with my father were always in a state of war so i knew the limitations of war
so i thought there might be a better way
what's new
so it seems that in in none and in western terms
then the passions are are are bad but get us into all kinds of trouble i mean just think of yourself
every now that i'm not sure i say to myself and i also hear others saying that why i do that why did i say that that's not what i meant or
in the midst of passion getting in all kinds of trouble so if there's something wrong with them
in the west we have an excuse
because our our culture really is christian and and largely puritanical so the notion of original sin i think very strong in seminary
we joked about the expression original sin by calling it an original depravity
that somehow write down at the core a mistake had been made
starting off
with on starting off in the wrong foot and it was something that could never be rectified until now centuries later but original depravity i think is is part of what part of why we hate passion
push it in the east apparently it's not like that
i read a an interview with them
a showdown trungpa and he was surprised at the at the notion of original sin because he said that you will how can that be because it because he has understanding we come from something called to target a garba the boom of the enlightened ones so so right off the start and even long before the start week
come from original goodness original blessing
and that suffering is not because we deserve it because we're evil but i'm suffering happens because sometimes that happens
in other words it's not the basis of our life it's not number basis
so at any rate so so unbeknownst to me
my yannis and especially the zen buddhists were saying no no no passions aren't the trouble they are body they are the body
in other words awakening happens in nothing else
it doesn't happen in nice thoughts it doesn't happen in heaven
it doesn't happen in in
in in pleasantness it doesn't happen where nothing's happening it only happens in turmoil apparently
in passion when we are out of control
i am
oh yes i was i have a wonderful note here it's one word and i wondered how what does this have to do with it so i think i just figure it out when i was on in high school i think high school maybe
many senior year
i knew i wanted to be a priest and my my my path was all planned in my head at least
that time
i would earn a go to college as a stepping stone to go to seminary and and be ordained when
save the world
incidentally i mean maybe some if you don't know and he'll be no father o'malley
bing crosby
his movies are all pitting support from out going my way the bells of st mary
that's what i want to be
he was great i could sing and dance and i was very helpful
people loved him and trusted him
aside from that
ah so at any rate i had had the personally i'd had a very stormy adolescence
very like to say it was full of passion is an understatement
which might not be obvious from the even know me now that the person but it was full of passion it's just that inquisitive show
and as i hope you all know how awkward is pin in adolescent
once via than for hormones and everything started from kicking in
for the survival of the race is not entertainment
playwright rate i had i had done done things of course will know and like new england anything done in passion is wicked
so and i've certainly had a big dose but the thing was i never told anyone in shit and they weren't the victims of luckily luckily they want the victims of my passion and so i am
in the the episcopal church we have confession and but we kind of like can keep it hidden a bit because of what we what we viewed as the abuses of are cruel sister rome
abusing a confession and absolution and all that sort of stuff centuries old who cares now but we did we didn't as fifties and sixties
so i didn't read so i decided to i want to make my confession know to finally finally with somebody get it out to get the stuff out in at least a small public realm with one other person
so it was so i asked my bishop you know who who i should i do this with because you don't want to just go to anybody because some people are really really unskillful
with personal things as some of you may know
so he suggested
father kenyan who lived in rockland maine coon st peter's
and human believe this way sir
his church he was very very high church we call it and so you walk into this little building it looked kind of like a small buying it was church wouldn't but it was filled with stuff i mean statues everywhere candles everywhere and it reeked of incense mean it was in that most of us
a lot of me with very low charge so he was he was seen as kind of them
wildly eccentric and probably crazy
but he loved them he loved all that kind stuff crusher like and so so i went i went to this guy and i rode out all my stuff and we were limited we think we went in a box last the very confessional
well i was totally completely me nervous
is the hardly covers it i was terrified and so we went through the form and that and and and i read out my stuff
in figured well okay if you're really as a gun i shall be dead soon
but i wasn't dad
and i didn't make the secondly about god
because the crisis was over that point so no new new tempting fate
anyway so on and at the end at the end here
he dissolved me and nominate grant typically is going to seventy which i was rather impressed with since we were forbidden to use latin
but i figured this was this must be the real thing
and and usually during this confession bang the priest says some words and you don't want to say too much and certainly don't want to treat it as therapy but he said a few words to me most of which all of which are most of which i don't remember but
he he did say i didn't i didn't tell him what i wanted to grow up to be
bing crosby
but he in his
in his words he said you know that it doesn't it doesn't matter if you want to be a fisherman are a liar or a priest or doctor your child of god
hit the book just had a passion goodness
and and
hardman goodness and and you are fully accepted
wow i haven't ever those long time excuse me
all i really remember was the word priest
that tom
but what that was saying that can this be true but even i even i can be a priest even i
when he was saying yes of course why not so that i think that was my first first glimpse that tom respectability was not the primary requirement for priesthood
later i was to find out i was wrong
but at least from him
i knew i found out that it was okay to be exactly who you are
especially in your arranging unbridled passion
you might not know or have a clue what to do with it but you're okay
later i found out that done the church was much more interested in respectability mean afterall it was you know it was established and had to temporal power the head his reputation to run to think of it had done donors to think of and wanted his representatives to be you know respectable
or at least not caught
and so on one hand there was respectability on the other hand there were mistakes humiliations shame disrepute and something may have mentioned the other the other time the other day conflict conflict these things were not welcome in the church
in fact willing in grupa complaining how groups work there are some groups have a of have they cultivate is called a low conflict norm low conflict norm that means whatever you do stay away from conflict
when it starts to raise his head pat it down or beat it down
very unsettling conflict conflict evil conflict needs to passion passion might lead to dancing
sorry i haven't had to turn that in
so what conflict that we have one
i don't know any religious group that doesn't
well of course i don't know anything about
baptists and all i understand they're very excitable well i don't come from that kind of attrition so i don't know
glide memorial has anybody been there
dr memorial
i haven't gotten the courage to walk through the door but when i hear it sounds totally marvelous full full of passion
maybe later
at rate them so so usually those those who are good who want to be good will avoid things like mistakes and blunders and embarrassment and conflict but then
i want to to two examples of fun
from passion passions one is a was a
like a crush anybody ever had a crush before now
you know what think what it's like to have a crush
the the the person upon whom you have this crush kind of disappears
they cease to be real
and instead they become an idea ideal perfect gorgeous beautiful exciting just right just for me
and me alone
isn't it fun
then it turns ugly
as they see as they try to break through to you is because they are after all a real person a breakthrough gradually the crush kind of fizzles
quite disappointing course if if you don't act on the crush the fizzling come sooner if you do i can the crush and take a long time long long time
so that's one in the midst of passion the other person becomes an object but they're not real or an object of your mind
i think so also in the passionate comes with with hatred or fear same thing
another person for example where are all of a sudden with maybe it maybe a word or behavior a look
all the sudden they become the one
the one who symbolizes all my misery the one who i cannot get away from the one who hunts me and they ceased to be a real person instead i think i start relating to them as an object but it's really the object in my mind doesn't take much i had one
patients in our low comfort norm
abode a paradise
and it was it was really awful i mean real horrible suffering kingdom i mean i would go to great lengths to to avoid this person because it hurts so much and i was so terrified
and to and leslie bless her heart kept saying well i think we're going to sit down and talk to to talk with each other and i set it down i don't think so
me i couldn't have been paid to sit down and talk
so overwhelming was the feeling the passion so overwhelming was it
it finally i think fizzled it fizzled on its own something's changed but being in the grips of passion was no fun was no fun and that was before i realized that before i knew for i read this that in the passions are the bodhi
and no place else
i wish i wish i had had the courage to somehow
look at it from that point of view instead of huh how bad or how terrifically wonderful the other person was because it's not really the other person i wish i'd known how to investigated in terms of my own mind
but i didn't that too scared or too much in love
i guess that's why it helps to have friends but one thing one thing that done
that they point out that we point out and i guess we are they the same folks is that one of the things that arises in passion is the self
is the cell and and usually it's it's it's some termed clinging to self clinging to sell i don't know about you but i don't private that a very helpful expression
i don't i don't like clinging to anything
maybe a different word that be more helpful to me would be like stuck to or a blind blind so
but at any rate
the more they become either completely attract they were completely revolting the more i have a sense of self now it's i and then the object i and mean if it's somebody that i that i fear or hate then then we can have war
how long have homo sapiens been on this planet anybody know
have a million years
speak speak
eight what oh god well one million is long enough i think
yeah well from the
the first politicians a million years ago knew that if they wanted war all they had to do with two things one was stop contact with the perceived enemy stock contact of any form and then demonize them
demonize them
seeing pictures of the japanese that were put out during world war two return to get us involved and to get us going the japanese were character character short as team
some sort of evil forehead and evil eyes that's sort of thing and called names so to rally us to fight the enemy
we just do that it's what we do when we're afraid
so would any rate done
the passions are bodhi
so so either either the passions are curse as i think we've probably all been trained and conditioned or their blessing
right sure
like when we may actually sorry man but when you said down when you mentioned conflict get sort of brought back all the training that i've had that conflict good conflict good this is where things get broken open where the truth gets revealed
and when personal conflict is so awful and i remember that there once in the past there was a good thing about conflict it often breaks the heart wide open as nothing else will
but i have question has been managed has been managed very skillfully so anyway rate done
oh okay so what do you do with it
because when this when the when the i the sense of self
that arises with passion
it's very very strong as you may know very strong and and the more the i gets questioned like what i tried to do wish to understand who is this i that so impassioned who is it and i thought i have to get somebody to help me discover who this i is what is it i didn't realize until maybe
two days ago that the reason why i could never discover this eyes because well there isn't one
that's just the passion just a passion
i so so so so and i knew this long ago that when you're talking with somebody and you reach a place that is highly defended are very tender very scary you don't you don't go through the front door to it
no because it's highly defend it
so you go go around back so if you'll find an open window and or maybe they left the screen door locked
so so to think to try to find this i was feeling very vulnerable and scared and angry
is very difficult job so
there's an alternative
if i think i think when things are done in our practice in dealing with the south i think it's really important that will when we're in the throes of passion that we try not to leak
not that i'm any good at this myself personally but once were either idea idealizing the person or demonizing the other person for example in terms of people they're easy to deal with
never when england was talking the other day tucked but the cup how how the couple always love you it doesn't get angry with you or it's very easy to deal with
that's true
that's very true
unless you break it and then it hurt you
right on but so people are really where i think our practice really blossoms
or explodes from your point of view
so to try not to league too much because we really do think the other person is like we're thinking i
the it is not i it is them it gets very strong and as strong as we see them
that that says how strong i am to vi gets really big and strong and unassailable and very defensive so not to leak too much in terms of like like slander
i like to complain as much as the next person i suspect but i think in the throes of passion one has to be particularly careful
well i i had written down the called for your inner wisdom that may be
maybe just a bunch of poop i don't know i think i think in the throes of passion is very difficult com for your inner wisdom it that i think it's rather buried although it certainly is there i think that that maybe the seat of bodhi that maybe the awakening the weakening mind that's right there in the passion
but and any rate when i want to get to it was
she so
thank you very much
was practicing
for his ceremony but when he was speaking
and the this pepper thanking was sincere
as was the she set apart
member somebody asked him what do you do with them
when you do when you're upset really upset i think that's what was
and he said
i'd try to die trying to see the environment
when i was sitting there thinking
brian well isn't that interesting
i hadn't since not one i thought of before and then you know how we've all been having problems
with them anger rising some of us maybe not on but some of us which is quite natural and in fact this is what this whole setup is designed for the to make it as uncomfortable as possible
so that our stuff will come up so that it can bottom
well i was having one of those days
and it was at lunch and all morning i was seeing red seeing red
everything is has gone just a slight bit beyond annoying
and not only people
everything madura sanchi of all things
everything everything is to call it was too hot in the sun
everything why do they do that why do they weren't like that
bah the whole business
and as that can i really hate i can't stand in fact i was thinking maybe maybe i don't belong here maybe i should be
you know and i don't force things i don't know where i don't know where else i should be that's how bad it was and
so i i'm thinking you know getting eyeballs ready
i need to talk with somebody really soon
i need to find out what is happening who who is this person that has arisen who is this who is it
a fan
then i remembered
this this must be boating breaking its way through
i remembered ingen and what he said about the environment and so here i was fuming and seeing right and not seeing anything don't i mean not seeing anything you know how in your in passion you don't see anything that's where the things we like about it so much i think that they've done it
cuts us off from everything and it puts us in our mind
ah i really couldn't see
sitting a sitting there not seeing just just don't fuming and ruminating you can let me know a sister ali was seeing was a teleprompter in front of my eyes with all my stuff just kept coming
coming and coming and coming and coming but then for up from somewhere came or what did he say you say the environment so so i sat there and and looked over at the to the sappho on the floor over there are under a sitting said is this some food part of
this divider part of it
look down on my balls or and these beautiful bowls that i loved so much as a part of it
and you know what happened
really you're supposed to you're not supposed to say wrong

thank you thank you so much
really it was like that oh my god what happened what happened it was so real i was so real my world was so real but it went up in smoke
so i think when it comes down to is that dan
samsara and suffering
whip practice
turns out to have been
body awakening
in other words i think probably the poison is the cure
that's all i have to say
what tank
hmm yeah and i don't really know what the and of japanese or chinese
is means which would which would help him suspect a great deal but if we we've translated suffering and suffering in english i think really just means to allow one of the meanings is to allow suffer the little children to come to of let em let it be let it be the way it is
how part of the truth part of this this passionate not why
part of myself because my myself was very angry and myself was blind
myself different myself i've been to notice for as offer is not part of this is it it's not part of maya the story of than the the drama the drama of everything being more than annoying that canada it just didn't fit in that it was doing this like
it's like when you
here like when you're watching a movie and somebody sneezes next year of a sudden you're not the movie anymore
oh jeremy
because kind of shook shook me out of the movie again very strong woman can be very convincing

i think it's very delicate
i'm not sure i'm not sure how to run distinguish them distinguishable
because on one hand i think
it seems that
good awakening only happens
from passion from
from the mass from the suffering from the suffering that that when when the suffering stops can you see
then you are liberated from it you're the you're in the world of release
the thing about calming the mind
i think that's nice
that's a good thing and you can see clearly
but what happens when not when it's not when it is turbulent know when you are in the midst of passion say
to comment i think there are ways that weighs one this procedure to you can't stand anymore able to it comes out on its own the other i think maybe is to is to practice with it and had to play with it kind of like like that exercise that is bad part of this
and she was that part of it
i know when i was thinking myself this morning how i don't i can't picture the buddha jumping around
doing a jig
from happiness
and i wonder i don't know of any icons are a tomkins anybody
it doesn't seem to be them paypal site type motor you know


who's that
however stupid

yeah i don't really know i like in l a california whole lot to the so different from wide with raised and where it's like i can see the puritan influence now certainly in new england where passion back regularly even use the word and it's just beyond
traveling at the time correctness a passion and
it's say suffering either right then
home but it's like come it's where life is real it's just a passion is no longer a hindrance or a struggling block it's not a problem anymore
so i suspect gouda got to go
it just it just wasn't him
knew the truth of it which was there's just no i in it
here's the whole lot of feeling i suspect to


that's too juicy to fight
ha yes yeah i don't like it
yeah i really don't actually but oh am i really didn't
but since around she was looking at this benefits they're okay okay maybe that's all right a different database
one of your guys over there
yeah yeah let us know that's what i'm talking about crusher
apparently currently answer is yes


at all
i couldn't understand that
you know what i got around
and now i'm wondering

good man
can bathe in a chosen chosen days or it separate said something that caught my eye and books got jizo
she said them suffering
well as many times and as it appears it must be abandoned each time
how interesting and and suffering
so what
but of course she meant by entering into a void

that's that's good i'm glad
we'll see we can do to help you will feel we can do to help you
i know book
we can do more




since i was telling me something that the mill santa
about the this person was really suffering and feeling a lot of painfulness and they went to the dining room and saw that hotel figuring out what the hell is he laughing about
down and he said this tamil and one it's okay rapping about the meal that he's just looking at the same thing you are a little bit frightened a different view
you know



that is

we take pictures of them
they just signal the onset of winter
that's not true i think secretly don't think we we feel that kind of man
we we we will say what was i
we will do quite well for you say
a question brings tourists

i remember we were on
let us hope the some hotel and temple in japan
whoa whoa schmoozing with cushion now all whoa something on kill her show or something no kyojin and dumb and was really nice know and then we went up the mountain to whether the founder i guess you are written that
the second
no no
whenever they said he lived up and up on the hill for long time all by himself which i doubt i think he probably had a string of servants long way to bring him bruins got them not so sure about this living alone doesn't
but anyway we went to this to rock this big rock and i'm surrounded by trees and on and over the edgerank the dalai that just opened up the expansive in the big rock over it was an overhang really
yeah was scanning items well and then of course you would know who will and of course live
the whole jokes on
jumped up on it and
without any fear and looking over the edge and all and standing up
and grabbing ahold of remember when i go to the
the old gods you're going over pressure
but the a has nothing to do anything i guess that's a different story
oh oh that kind of feeling of oh wow this is your full and open and free
eighteen years yes him
i wonder about that
sorry not forty minutes about a bathroom break
we will try
thank you very much

no i think it's not
what some of the echo effect
yeah get down my favorite to land
where does give me the impression that i'm much bigger than i am
i want to talk about something this morning that gun