This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. So Michael, yeah, there it is. And welcome. And here we are in between Christmas and New Year's, an auspicious moment. I guess we're really in between Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Christmas, solstice and New Year's. In my mind, it's curious how we have invented reasons for light and generosity in the darkest time of year.

[01:14]

What a smart thing to do. That way in which, as it gets cold and dark, we need some reassurance, some fortification. maybe even some reason for having a sense of connectedness and hopefulness. And it's an interesting notion, you know, when you put it in the context of things like Black Friday. And the images are, you know, frantic shoppers, you know, after waiting all night in the cold, you know, bursting through the door at midnight, see who can get that prized television for a hundred dollars.

[02:17]

Can we sustain within ourselves? whatever that wisdom is in our collective human being that prompted us to say, well, in this time of darkness, why don't we celebrate light externally and internally? Why don't we remind ourselves of what's virtuous? Not so much what's righteous, but what's virtuous. You know, this is the great gift of upholding generosity. It doesn't make sense to say you should be generous, you know? It doesn't involve our heart in the way that generosity invites us.

[03:29]

In Zen we say, giver, receiver and gift are all in one virtuous cycle. You know, unfortunately we translate the word shunyata primarily as empty. So when you say giver and receiver and gift are all empty, it loses something, right? I mean, it is all impermanent and constructed, but it's also enchanting. It has its own mythology, however we want to represent it, whatever tradition you want to add to it or context you want to set for it. I have a three-year-old grandson And his mother put the presents out.

[04:32]

He's fortunate to have four grandparents who all sent him gifts. So they're all there under the tree. And so we made up a game. And the game was Santa Claus and receiving gifts. And then, so first time, I was Santa Claus, and he got the gifts. And then we switched it around, and then he was Santa Claus, and I got the gifts. And the marvelous thing about being three is things become enchanted quite easily. Especially when you've done it three or four times. The other marvelous thing about three-year-olds, repetition has... It doesn't grow old. It gets richer, you know. I was thinking of, you know, practice.

[05:37]

It's asking the same thing of us. Yes, you're going to do this many times, you know. You're going to chant the opening, chant the lecture many times. But can it stay, can the chant stay in chanting? So he played this game back and forth many times. First thing he said the next morning, it was several days before Christmas, first thing he said the next morning was, let's do it again. And of course they were all just miscellaneous boxes of different sizes and different weights. It didn't matter. The important part seemed to be giver, receiver, and gift. I read a quote from Mark Lesser, Zen teacher connected to the San Francisco Zen Center, and he said in his quote,

[06:51]

generosity is the antidote to fear. I thought that was a powerful and provocative thing to say, the antidote to fear. It set my mind thinking, wondering. I would say this connection between giver, receiver and gift is how we discover in the time of darkness, in the time of limited light, abundance. How we can give and we can receive. How we can... whatever murky sense of impoverishment we feel personally or collectively, that still we can rediscover, we can rekindle abundance through giving.

[08:04]

This is a strange and beautiful enchantment. So if you think about it, it's not so surprising we would conjure up a mythological figure with superpowers that can give everybody, every child in the world, a gift that night. Or at least every child of European ancestry. The foolishness of our own culture. We are it. But we are. I mean, we are our culture. And the great challenge for us is we are the person we are, and we are who we are collectively.

[09:07]

And can we be it in a way that illustrates, exemplifies, illuminates our shared humanity? Or are we going to be it in a way that competes, you know, leaves us charging through the open door, trying to be the first one at the hundred dollar television? I don't know if you saw those images of the frantic scrambling, you know. You know, next year's model is going to be even bigger and better. Maybe it'd be good if you didn't get this year's. But how to conjure up the virtue of generosity, the virtue of giver, receiving, and gift.

[10:14]

How can it be that which reminds us that even in the midst of our scrambling to be first in line, or to achieve, or to compete, even in the midst of our sense of scarcity or impoverishment, this aspiration, this vow, this heart-opening expression of being is not far away. There are many lists in Buddhism, and it's interesting how many of them start with the term dana. And then it's also interesting in giving. It's not generosity, it's giving. It's not a noun, it's a verb. It's an action. and the paramitas, you know, giving sets the stage, you know.

[11:32]

Giving, virtuous conduct, patience, tenacity, or persistence of engagement, absorption in the moment, and wisdom. That's the paramitas. giving as the initiator. So how interesting at this time of year we have our giving and then we have our New Year's resolutions. And does it mean that we overindulge at Christmas and then in full repentance we say, never again. I'm going to run five miles every day. I'm going to only eat healthy foods, or whatever it is that your mind and body conjure up for your New Year's resolutions.

[12:37]

And how those two can be... the evil followed by the repentance and the virtuous, or they can be the reminder. This is what is possible. This is what supports a human life. This is what opens the heart and softens and quiets that ferocious sense of not enough. The generosity has both a courage, as Mark Lesser would say, the antidote to fear, and it has a compassion. How wonderful in the time of darkness that we would uphold generosity.

[13:49]

It's like reassuring each other. It's okay. We'll get through this together. Yes, it is cold. And it is dark, unless, of course, you live in California where it's not that cold. But it is dark. And to find that reassurance within ourselves and to give it to each other. And like my grandson and myself, we can make a game of it. Here, I'll give it to you. Okay, now you give it to me. Let's change worlds. I'll be the giver this time, and you can be the receiver. And how versatile it is.

[15:01]

Sometimes giving demonstrates to us that we have something to give. Even if it's just our sentiment, our kind sentiment. And then sometimes, more poignantly, it can show us how we were holding back. I was walking on Hayes Street on Christmas Day, and there was someone panhandling. And I only had $20, and I said, I'm sorry, I don't have any change. And then about a block later, I thought, why didn't I just give him $20? And then, interestingly, my mind had all sorts of reasons.

[16:05]

As a practice, I usually don't give significant amounts of money to people on the street. I'd rather donate to a homeless organization, Coalition on Homelessness. Marvelous organization, if you haven't done all your giving. It's run by people who are homeless. They do great work. So that was my rational mindset that. But my heart said something different. My heart said, huh. The plausibility of holding back. How easily we can be persuaded. And how potent giving is in upending that. How interesting that this mix, this activity that involves a mix of courage and generosity also has a deep truth to it.

[17:22]

So this, this aspect of entering and being in the darkness, and discovering the light, upholding the light. And then as it turns, a new beginning. And then within Buddhism, and I think in all spiritual traditions, The new beginning doesn't come because everything in the world, in our own being, has been resolved, has been rectified, has been purified. No, the new beginning arises in the midst of who we are, with all our flaws and faults and stinginess and hesitance and confusion.

[18:33]

Our sense of separation is what gives light to our giving. It allows it to illuminate. It invites it to illuminate. And it's from the person that we are that we resolve, that we set forth with renewed intention. In this tradition of Buddhism, we have what we call the bodhisattva vows. And it's an interesting construct. We chant them at the end of the talk. In some ways, they uphold initially the impossibility.

[19:41]

Beings are numberless. I vow to engage all of them in the process of waking up. Delusions that way that I personally and we collectively can find reason to separate, to hold back, to feel impoverished. The reasons just keep coming. The plausibility of it keeps coming into our heart and mind. And right in the middle of that... where sometimes the vow says to end it, to cut it off, to illuminate it, to practice with it.

[20:48]

And the next vow is the opportunities to learn. Endless. When we give... and we open to giving and it blossoms into generosity, we learn. When we don't give, when we hold back, when our mind says, well, actually, I donate to this wonderful organization and, you know, the effectiveness of that money is much more pronounced. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I actually think it's true, but still. Generosity isn't just asking for what's true. In a way it's saying to us, in what's in your heart of hearts? How do you want to be? How do you want the world to be? How do you want our collective humanness to be?

[21:58]

everywhere we turn can teach us something about it. That way of being. Every interaction. Whether it's opening our hand or closing our hand. Opening our heart or closing our heart. We learn the courage of entering into interconnectedness and we learn the compassion and patience of working with our humanness. And we bring light to them both. And they become teachings. And then the fourth vow, the way we translate it is live and be lived.

[23:11]

It's not a singular, I do this. It's more, this is what we give over to. We give over to this interconnectedness. We become part of it. It doesn't mean we've lost the agency of our individual being. It's more that It joins together. City center right now is in what we call our winter interim. So many people have gone off to visit their family and friends. And when things shift like that, it's different. Collectively we create something. We come together and we be something.

[24:21]

We be a certain being. To give over to that being. To enhance that being. To enhance that being. So our generosity quickens the movement of our heart and mind and sets the stage for our new beginning, entering the world anew. It's become the fashion now in our Saturday talks for the speaker to say, and who's here for the first time? I'm always tempted to put my hand out. You know, that Zen notion of beginner's mind and like, this is the first time this day has ever happened. And then I don't.

[25:28]

And then I think, oh, that's too cute. Someone gave me an article this morning on Zen as a trademark. Apparently there are now, according to the article, 724 operative organizations with Zen in their trademark. That way, Zen is living. And of course we're going to represent it and think about it in some way. But at its heart, at its essence, it's simply that which, in the winter solstice, lets us open to the dark but also reminds us of the light.

[26:33]

That which, when we feel impoverished, doesn't exclude our generosity. That which, even though we can poignantly see our own habitual way of being, right in the middle of it, we also renew. We also bring forth resolve. Resolve's a wonderful term. It's in between intention and action. Your New Year's intention. What lets that intention have a gravity, a weight that lets it settle into your being? And interestingly, in the alchemy of Buddhism, part of the answer to that is generosity. Generosity is what gives you resolve

[27:41]

Gravitas. And the other factors are wise discernment. That we look at this human life. We look at this fierce, beautiful world of ours. This year we're somewhere in the middle of it. An organization named ISIS sort of sprung into being. And I think for many of us, representing a ferocious corruption of spiritual traditions.

[28:48]

So it seems, from the distance, from how we're told, and the stories we get of what atrocities they've committed. hear of them, to see them with wise discernment. Who of us can't close their heart, or doesn't close their heart? Who of us doesn't have fixed opinions, even in the name of what's virtuous? Who of us doesn't benefit from holding still? from breathing deeply and thinking, hmm, what's a wise and appropriate way to think about this?

[29:59]

Can we ask that of ourselves as we cultivate our resolve for the new year? Can we look at this fierce world, this beautiful world, this everything world, can we look at it with radical honesty? Can we look at the person we are with radical honesty? The terrible, terrible atrocities that are happening worldwide. And then, extraordinary beauty. A couple of days ago I was listening to this piece on the radio from someone who had been a banker and found it unsatisfying after a whole career, 20 plus years.

[31:09]

Ended up in India and ended up going to Mother Teresa's hospice in Calcutta. And just describing, in the moment of giving himself in service, the world changed. A new life began. That we are that too. We have that within us. We don't simply move towards generosity begrudgingly and hesitantly. There's something in us that yearns for it. There's something in us that hears within it honesty, authenticity. This way of being.

[32:14]

And then the fourth aspect of resolve is ease. It's like the Bodhisattva vow. Delusions are inexhaustible. If you think that you've already set aside all the ways your mind can get stuck, conjure up half-baked ideas, you've got a lot more in there. can there be an ease? Okay. Delusions are inexhaustible. I vow to keep practicing with them. Like anyone who's meditated for a while has discovered this many, many times. So in your sitting, you know, each time we sit down, will this be the period of zazen where my mind stays pristine and

[33:24]

Injustice? Maybe. But it's not that likely. Or will this be another period of zazen where my mind wanders, I bring it back, my mind wanders, I bring it back. Can there be that internal generosity? Can we find this delicate balance between Yes, I will, and however this turns out will be a teaching. That way in which the ease, the patience, they give the resolve resilience. They give it its enduring quality.

[34:26]

If we simply operate in a way, self-indulgence, till we can't take it anymore, and then think, no, no, no, now I'm going to be totally different. If it's based on self-criticism, it's brittle. It won't endure. it will fall apart when our human frailty resurrects itself. We will be disillusioned by our own lack of perfection. If we enter knowing our lack of perfection, it can have a resilience. Heart, why can't you learn that there's nothing to do in the world except live in it?

[35:33]

Why can't you take its deep gifts, the birds and the cars in the rain, lost keys and the brokenhearted? Oh, heart, why can't you learn that there's nothing to do in the world except live in it? Why can't you take its deepest gifts? The birds, the cars in the rain, lost keys, and the brokenhearted. So in the language of Zen, it's a koan. when we meet this proposition of the human condition, singularly and collectively, it's more in the territory of wonder. How can we do such terrible things and such wonderful things?

[36:41]

How can the human heart, this person who was describing his experience, He said, he was in Calcutta, and someone said, well, why don't you come along? I'm going to this place. And so he went without some great resolve, without some great purposefulness. And then someone needed to be fed because they were so weak. And as he fed them, the person looked in his eyes and he said, that was it. I knew where my life was going to lead. We have that marvelous capacity. And we also have the capacity to line up throughout the night

[37:53]

and burst through the doors and race for the $100 television. Or think up 724 ways to brand a trademark with the word Zen in it. The article would dawn to say that one of the Zen companies is suing one of the other ones. They were both in the territory of organizational tools and office management. We're capable of it all. Every one of us. Our own version of it. Can we have a certain kind of wonder?

[39:01]

That's what I hear in this poem. Oh, heart, why can't you learn? Sometimes we learn in a flash and forget in a flash. Sometimes we learn and it's there, but we're just so busy. There's so many important, urgent things we have to do. We'll get back to it. Sometimes in the middle of our busyness, a single point of light stops us in our tracks. I feel blessed to have my three-year-old grandson. I feel like every day he teaches me how to practice Zen. Let's do it again.

[40:03]

Do it again. But we've done it four times. Do it again. Where's your beginner's mind? Those were those times, this is this time. The wheel of giver, receiver and gift is always turning. there's always an abundance available. And now, what will you resolve going forward in this new year? What will you ask of yourself? And in the service of what?

[41:10]

What will it be that you're upholding, and what will it be that you're setting aside? And is the wisdom, the ease, the authenticity, the honesty, and the generosity there in your intention? Can the open mind and tenderheartedness that ripens it into resolve come forth? And this notion, this Zen notion of a koan, a cause for wonder, a cause for, in a strange way, an appreciation for the human dilemma. not really got anything to do with fixing.

[42:20]

We're not going to fix ourselves. How do we live what's already being lived? What will be the resolve that brings that forth? course, it's an impossible question. But that's what makes it so much fun. When you have an impossible question in your life, then figuring out what to eat for lunch is just a game. And that impossible question enlivens.

[43:32]

It brings, it puts the details, the frustrations, the ambitions, it puts them into context. They can become part of the wonder. Look at how this is so in my mind or so in my heart. Look at how I close to that or how I open to that. Look at how I can be consumed in selfishness and fall into generosity as if it was my heart's desire. And what is the resolve? What is the New Year's resolution that will let that blossom?

[44:37]

Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfzc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

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