This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. So have you started celebrating? Something my father would say. He liked the joke. I think I got that from him. So anyway, congratulations to everyone. We have arrived to our third day, and perhaps there are some who just started. I don't know. Maybe this is your first or second day. But we have arrived to this day, and it's good to see everybody. So I just thought we'd Just take a moment and smile.

[01:02]

Yeah, there you go. Yeah. Just smile at life. Just find something in your own life to smile or even laugh at. Laugh at how funny we are as people. So... Last time I spoke, I talked about leaving everything and how to maybe find that place of entering the gateway of the human life, our human life, that Zazen is a gateway to our own human life. And so... We had an exercise where we said, you know, goodbye and leaving this, our aspirations and our promises.

[02:04]

We have our hopes and relationships or all of the issues we have going on and to leave everything for seven days. And so, how are you doing with that? Another chance to smile, okay, and laugh. Okay, good, yay. So I thought I'd share a little bit about my experience of what's happening with that as I am as human as you all. And so I noticed there's a little committee going on in my head, and I've given them names because I have a lot of names. So I've given one the name Earthland, which is my given name, and one the name Marceline, which is my middle name. It's my grandmother's name. And then Zinjoon. So Zenju's watching Earthland and Marceline. So Earthland goes, I'm tired. I can't make it. I so cannot make it.

[03:06]

I don't think I'm going to make it at all. This is, you know, third day, right? It's enough. I don't see why it can't be a three-day sashim. Okay, Marceline goes, but you signed up for this. What? You signed up to do this. It is something you felt would support your life, Earthland. But I'm tired, I can't make it. So as I'm noticing, you know, this is only like one of 3,000 conversations going on in my mind and things coming up. And I'm wondering, you know, what's Zinju doing? And this. And so I'm sitting back and I can definitely feel my head spinning and thinking about, God, if I weren't sitting here and I got up to deal with every little thing that came in my mind, I would be really, really tired.

[04:12]

You know, maybe that's Earthland. That's why she's tired. She thinks she's dealing with it, even though she's sitting still in Zazen. And then Marceline, she has these high aspirations. Oh, yes, so she must stay. So, you know, that can be tiring, too, if I'm holding that. And so what I found in the leaving everything, it can be difficult. But I noticed that each time I would bow to it and say, you know, goodbye for now, you know, maybe Earthling would step back. The one who can't make it would step back. And then come back, are you sure? You know, come back, are you sure? You know, keep coming and keep coming. But I keep waving it goodbye. So you know how when you wave something goodbye, it's a little tiny image when it gets further away. But right now it could be up close. But every time we say goodbye, maybe it takes one step back. Next time maybe it takes two steps, three steps, four steps.

[05:13]

And then it checks to see if you're still willing to let go, still willing to not be tired, still willing to maybe... You know, listen to Marceline who says, you did this. This is what you want. This is your aspiration. So I say goodbye to Earthline, and she does keep coming back, keeps coming back. And I keep saying goodbye. She keeps taking a few steps. And she's getting smaller. Pretty soon she'll be down the road, hopefully, by day six. Bye. But then Marceline's still there holding up these aspirations for me, you know. Now I'm holding this aspiration, these great ideals you have for your life, your spiritual mind and da-da-da-da. And so I look at that, and I find that that too is something I can say, leave, goodbye, you know, and then she can step back. And then she steps back, and then I say goodbye again, and she steps back forward. Aspiration is a good thing. No, not now. Right now, I'm in during the gateway of my human life, the gateway of the human life.

[06:20]

And in that sitting with all of that, I notice that when we don't leave or when I don't leave all of these things, there is a separation, just like I explained. of Earthland, Zinju, and Marceline. There's a separation. You draw a line in your life when you get attached to the various things. And the separation is from the present, from the present moment. So immediately, we're doing it constantly. We're constantly separating. We're separating in our pain. We're separating in our suffering. We're separating in what is going on during Sashim, what has gone on before Sashim, and who we're, you know, encountering before and now during Sashim. And each time we have something in our mind... that we grab onto, it is a moment of separation. That's what I noticed in my life.

[07:22]

I don't know what your experience has been, but mine has been that since I introduced our idea of leaving everything, to leave everything for seven days. And so it drew me to realize that there is a constant way in which I separate rather than engage. And that the more I am able to leave everything and to truly sit with the notion of with nothing to attain. With nothing to attain, which is in our Heart Sutra. With nothing to attain, I return to my heart. With nothing to attain, a Bodhisattva realizes on Prajna, Paramita, realizes on wisdom.

[08:26]

And then thus the mind is without hindrance. And without hindrance, there's no fear. So that's part of the leaving. You know, like, do I really want to say goodbye to Earthland and Marceline? My aspirations, my hopes, my dreams, my ideologies. Do I really want to let go of how I appear in the world? I think I appear in the world or, you know, what I look like, what I, all of these things. Am I afraid of the emptiness? And is the emptiness, does it feel deadly or like death? or something coming to a finite end. And in essence, it is. It really is. And it's, I think that phrase in the, also in the Heart Sutra, So that one is letting go of your preconceived notions.

[09:38]

opinions, and attachments. And so we're actually doing this every day. So I didn't invent leaving everything. This is already a teaching of ancient, of the earth, old, ancient, [...] ancient universal teaching. Gate, gate. Paragate. Parasangate. So, um, I began to, as I began to think of this ending in finite, of course, the idea of death came to my mind. And I wanted to share a story about a person who changed my life while he was alive and in his death. And his name is John King. And he was a beloved city center teacher. And when I first met John King, it was in the sewing room.

[10:40]

And he was sewing, and I was sewing my blue lei rakasu robe. I had just arrived, not that long, to city center. And we were in the sewing room, and I didn't know him, and he didn't know me. And I was kind of accustomed to just ignoring people. and not saying anything and going by, because very rarely do people stop and shake hands and say, my name is. And so I wasn't expecting, you know, I had already been conditioned to not involve myself in that way. And so he put out his hand, he says, hi, I'm John King. And I was like, whoa. You know, I was just surprised, like, okay, hi. And at that time, I was using my given name, Earthland. And I said, hi, I'm Ertland. And he goes, God, so good to see you here. And I was like, boy, this is really throwing me off. I'm not used to this. But it was so beautiful and so loving, and it felt so good.

[11:45]

And it felt like, wow, do I know you? And it was something in... His presence, and I continue to watch him because of that. You know, his presence is what made him such a profound teacher. You know, it wasn't so much the words or the things, you know, what you can create and how you can influence people or excite them or be charismatic. It was just his presence, John King presence. And so I wanted to really, you know, get to know him. And I remember... At dinner time, we sat at a table around the round tables one day, and we're sitting there, and he was at the table. I said, oh, there's John King, you know? And he said, hi, Earthland. And he shook my hand. I said, wow, he remembers my name, you know, because it's a name that most folks, they don't grab onto. And he really looked at me like he really remembered that first moment, and I think he did, that first moment.

[12:47]

And I said, I really want to get to know this. teacher here. And it wasn't long after that though, I was again at a meal table. We were eating lunch and he wasn't there with some other people at the table. And one of the people said, John King has been diagnosed with cancer and he's given two months to live. And I lost it. And I've only known John King for a month. I just cried because he was already inside of me. You know, it's like, wow. You know, there was a way in which his presence and his being in the moment was such a teacher to me. And I wanted to hold on to it, you know, hold on to him to have that, you know, for myself. And so I had to let him go as many of us had to.

[13:49]

here at City Center. We had to let him go. But what I love about John is he threw a party for himself. And so it was wonderful. Zimbola and I went, and we brought two turkey feathers, because we had found this turkey that had died in the wilderness. And we had buried it, and then we used the turkey feathers, which is considered medicine in the Native American tradition, some medicine. The turkey is the ground eagle, though, not the eagle, the high eagle, the sky eagle. So we brought the feathers, one for John and one for his partner. And we sung a song drumming at his house. We were singing a song to him. And pretty much that was the last time we saw John close up. And I saw him one time. getting supplies. And I think he only had two days to die.

[14:52]

So he was like, getting supplies for something, a workshop he was doing. I couldn't believe it. But anyway, it was his life that also taught me about presents, but also his death. So when he died, we went to what is called, I call a wake. But in here, it may just be sitting with the body. And I love what Blanche Zinke Hartman says. It's like sitting with the mystery. And so he was there on his bed in his house on a bed of dry ice. And I had never seen this before. He was in his robes and priest. And so we were sitting there. Everyone was sitting quietly. And I'm like, well, what are we doing? You know, because I wasn't used to that kind of wake. And my tradition, in my church tradition, we wail and cry and tell stories and eat lots of food at the wake.

[15:53]

It's pretty noisy, pretty crowded, pretty busy. And this was not at all that. It was very still. And we were sitting with this body together. And I remember just in one moment, I was looking at his eye, around his eye, and there was just a little bit of movement of flesh off the skull. And I said, my God, this is dropping mind and body. His body was teaching me presence, you know, and just being with exactly what our lives are in some way. That we are always and constantly dropping mind and body. So if leaving everything is difficult, just know eventually we will all leave everything. We will all leave everything.

[16:53]

And so I just remember that and I learned just sitting with him and watching with the others. There were many others sitting around his bed and watching him and his partner weeping and just a powerful moment. So I've held this experience very close. And although it's frightening, there's fear comes up inside of me, I do realize how much it's teaching me. So... He was, you know, his body was, you know, empty. It was empty and yet full of life by us being there because we were all filled with this life. So the emptiness I saw also was empty but full because there we were very full of John King. And like the Enzo, the Zen circle, empty yet full.

[18:00]

So I began to understand these things as I began my Zen practice. So I wanted to share with you a little more about being with our lives the way it is, rather than adding to it and seeing how, when they say unsurpassed, how there's a wonderful gift in that we have been given life. And then we get busy kind of adding a lot of things, a lot of things, adding, adding. Although things are coming anyway, we kind of like think we have to add some more to make it better, to make it more exciting, to, you know, really smile and celebrate. We want it to be a lot of things to make us do that. But I'm working in my practice to have that come every moment just because I'm alive. And to be present with my life and to stop adding. I've added a lot of things.

[19:02]

I'm telling you, I'm a busy person. And I've added a lot of things onto my life. And as I got closer to priesthood, I began to drop some of these things that I had added on so that I could not be a priest, but so that I could live closer to my true nature and closer to my heart. So I wanted to share with you these words. Last summer, yeah, last summer I began practicing with these words, and actually they come from a film, a short video, that was shared by former Shuso Jamie Howe to some friends through the Internet. And when I first looked at this video, it's called The Monk and the Moon, I just stopped everything. And I felt like I was suddenly with this monk that is talking in this film. And this monk is a hermit in the mountains in China.

[20:02]

And I just kind of felt like I was transported directly to that mountain as he was speaking. And the only thing he's doing in this film is talking and drinking his tea. And I say, yeah, now that's a perfect life. That's a perfect life. Just drinking his tea, not worry about the next thing or the thing behind him. And I'm sure he had a full life. I'm sure he had some things, even if it was just with himself. So I thought to share this with you. And it is a short video that is available if you Google it, the monk and the moon. So anyway, I'm going to share the words. It's not that long. It's a very short video. When life begins, we are tender and weak. Imagine him drinking this tea now. When life begins, we are tender and weak.

[21:06]

When life ends, we are stiff and rigid. All things, the grass, the trees, the animals in life are soft and pliant. In death, they are dry and brittle. An army that cannot yield will suffer defeat. A tree that cannot bend will break. So the soft and supple are the companions of life, while the stiff and unyielding are the companions of death. Surrender brings perfection. Embrace emptiness and the whole universe is yours. The sage becomes nothing and gains everything.

[22:10]

Not displaying himself, he shines forth. Not promoting himself, He is distinguished. Not claiming reward, he gains endless merit. Not seeking glory, his glory endures. He knows to follow, so he is given command. He does not compete, so no one competes with him. Such a being rides upon the clouds and enters the sun. passing out of this world with ease into the eternal. Fear nothing except the failure to experience your true nature. Fear nothing except the failure to experience your true nature. Speak nothing unless you have lived it first.

[23:12]

The gate of heaven is wide open. with not a single obstruction before it. I sometimes wonder, when will I wake up? Wake up to see that there is truly nothing to fear. I sometimes wonder if I am a person dreaming that I'm a butterfly or a butterfly dreaming that I'm a person. When can I say, What can I say that hasn't been said? What can I do that hasn't already been done? The joy is simply in the being, not being this or that. I like to watch the sun in the morning, and the moon watches me at night. Well, maybe you might not remember all of those words, but hopefully the essence of those words, you can continue sitting in the next few days and just be set down rather than sit.

[24:40]

Just be there. And we can all... We can be all of what we want to be. I know people say, well, you can be anything you want. And then we go about wanting to be all kinds of things, all kinds of people. Or we can just live our lives in a restful repose and not trying to be. Just a restful repose and allow our lives to unfold in the way that they are and meet. our challenges when they come. Perhaps there were some challenges in his words for you. And perhaps your breathing will bring you to that presence, that dropping of mind and body that is happening, even if you think it's not.

[25:45]

It is happening. Could you tell me what time it is? Is that good? Okay. Any questions? Thank you. Yes. Eno. Eno-san. What is that? It has no name, has no gender, race, color, being, body, mind. But we are aware that there is something that witnesses us. I mean, it even speaks to us.

[26:48]

Sometimes it says, are you kidding? You know, it speaks to us and you're like, oh, you know, or it just comes to you. There's a way, you know, sometimes how things happen and it's unexplainable. You know, someone speaks the words you were going to say just at that moment. And you go, well, I was going to say that. And I used to say, that's amazing. And I don't say that anymore because I know for sure that that is just, the interconnectedness of us all. We have the same words. Just like he said, there is nothing, what can we say that hasn't been said? And what can we do that hasn't been done? And so I don't think we can name it and know it with our minds. But it's something we can experience ourselves, or we have experienced. Sometimes I call it the witness for myself.

[27:49]

Sometimes I call it the witness for myself, but even calling it that begins, you know, again to say, where's my witness? You know, suddenly I'm looking for that. So it's kind of best to just leave some things without, you know, naming it and just allow it to be. That is the mystery. That's why I like Zinke Blanche's term, sitting with the mystery. We must, life is a mystery. Even if we go about finding, you know, the answers, it's only for the moment because there's cause and effect and impermanence. So it will change or it will change the next time you encounter somebody with the same, even in the same place. Some of us have been here forever and it's Zen Center's new every time somebody walks through the door. So it's that kind of thing. So I want to know if what you said was very powerful to me, but I want to know what the relationship is between Zazen and Zazen.

[29:14]

On, was it Monday? I don't know what day I did the talk. I mentioned that I said Dogen Zenji said that Zazen is not learning meditation. Didn't say Zazen is not meditation. Zazen is not learning meditation. So you're not learning to do something. Yeah, you're not learning to do it. And I said that, and I added, the part I added on was that meditation can arise in Zazen. Because that's how I experience it. And, you know, you're Because meditation has pondering in it and reflection and those kind of things do go on, but Zazen is sitting, just sitting. So when you come to sit routinely, do you just sit to do Zazen?

[30:16]

You don't set off to do a particular meditation like the Lord God is meditating? No, because you never know what is it your life needs. What is it your life needs? So the heart suture, because I've been chanting for that for some years now, each piece comes up when it needs to come up. Like when I'm afraid, you know, without hindrance, there is no fear. That just jumps right out at me in the heart suture when I'm afraid. But if I'm not, maybe I'm encountering difficulties with someone or something And the loving kindness meditation, there's phrases that will, you know, really help me, which is the one about the mother with the child, you know, being a mother. How can I be a mother, you know, and be, you know, more tender. My name's Inju means complete tenderness.

[31:16]

And I always tell people now they didn't give it to me because that's what I was. Here's the story. Yes. Yes. I'm curious about the relationship between that monk and the moon. It sounds a lot like Tren Tzu. And there have been a number of suicides in my family. And so I see that monk's sipping tea up on the mountain and being. And I can't help feel that there's a lot of people like the people in my family who died who need something more active. to help them. What's the relationship between the being of that mom and the helping? Is there some not hiding your light under a bushel involved? What's the connection? I don't see the connection. How did that help happen? So I heard you say that your family needed help.

[32:16]

Yeah. And you think so. I feel so. You feel so. And so How do you know what help they need and when they need it and if they want it and if you're the one to give it? So that's what you sit with. You don't answer those questions. You sit with that. And what arises is how you might help. You know, how you might help. I had a sister that was in trouble. I went to visit her. I didn't know what to do to help her. And then I just sat there and sat there and I said, I'm going to go get some food and flowers. I never had given my sister flowers. And that was just really beautiful. I mean, she needs way more than flowers and chicken, roasted chicken and potatoes. But she just needed me to be present, you know, to have that presence with her. You know, so that's what the monk is being present with the tea. And so if you're with someone and you want to engage, you're present with your family.

[33:25]

To be present in whatever it is. Not to impose upon them, but to be with them. Like you're with the tea. Like a cup of tea. You know. And the monk is helping. I mean, I just shared with many, many, many people just now his teaching. By him being what he's doing. So... So just hold that, you know. Thank you, thank you. Tova. Sandra, I want to thank you for bringing John King into the room. He was just so during my first practice period. And before he died, Cynthia Kier took a photo of John where she worked with it so that there were three images of John and each one he was getting Softer, farther away, farther away. I've seen it, yes. I've seen it, yes.

[34:27]

You were talking about how you can work, and I think that was helpful in thinking about myself as rising up during this achievement. I just want to thank you. You're welcome. Yes. When you talk about just sitting and doing that thing, my mind feels confused. Then I watched personal thoughts for the city is so much bigger attention. Or if I see one of my parents walking, so I've delivered us an aliveness.

[35:34]

And then I think I understand what . And I feel my gratitude for helping me understand. Yes. Good. Thank you for sharing that. Well, if there's no more questions, I wanted to read one last poem that I wrote. Is there any more questions? I'll have to. Just to help, you know, to support all of us as we continue through this celebration of our lives and the gateway.

[36:35]

So this is called Greetings. It's another one I wrote when I first got here. I have absorbed the unexplainable things in life. The way a flash of light comes in the dark woods. The words in my head coming from someone else's. The appearance of a friend at my door after silently calling out her name. To ask the reasons is like stripping the ocean of its waves. The nature of life soaks through my skin. And there is no mind scientific or spiritual, that can fully explain the unfolding that rises, unfurls, and lands upon me in the silence. And so I am inclined to sit still, be drenched, hands open, eyes open, patiently waiting to greet what is there.

[37:45]

May we return with our hands open. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[38:18]

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