This podcast is offered by San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Thank you so much for coming here this evening. And you might notice that it depends on how big your screen is. You might be able to see that it says he, him as far as pronouns. next to my name sometimes i put that next to my name and sometimes i don't put that next to my name and i just want to explain this really briefly in case um you're newer to zen center or just to say what we're doing there is we're intentionally bringing out the fact that we have an audience that might seem cisgendered if we don't write anything and so sometimes out of respect for people who are struggling with gender identity This could be another reminder of something that would otherwise just be a benign setting and might create gender fatigue.

[01:04]

So sometimes I leave it off on purpose, just intentionally trying to make space for somebody who might not want to state their pronouns. And other times I intentionally put it there because I want to show solidarity and create a space for people to put pronouns there. And so we've been doing this practice here at City Center. And we just encourage individuals that they don't state their pronouns to do it intentionally. And it's not just a default. So it's great to be with you this evening. And my name is Michael McCord. I am grateful to my teacher, Ryushin Paul Howler, for his teachings and for our esteemed Tonto, Warren Nancy Petran, for asking me to speak this evening. I don't know if you are like me, but I feel like stuff is opening and I have some goals. I have some goals of some things that I'm going to do that I hadn't been doing before.

[02:05]

And I want to accomplish a few things that I didn't have the opportunity to do over the last 14 months. And just kind of a sense of I want to start doing this and I want to start doing that. And so I've got these goals. I've got these goals. And I think we have these things that are very natural. And we're lucky. We're here in a little oasis. A lot of the world is really struggling right now with what's happening with COVID. And things just happen to be really going well in our city here in San Francisco. And if you're in a part of the world right now where that isn't going on, our hearts are with you because we know that things are not going so great in some parts of the world. But right here, things are starting to open up. In fact, we're even going to merge a couple of our bubbles here at City Center on the 24th. And I'm kind of excited about this. And I'm reflecting this against the no goal, no attainment of our practice.

[03:06]

no gaining mind. There's no one to gain. There is nothing to gain. There is nothing to add to me. And yet it feels like I have all of these things that I want to accomplish, all these things that I want to do. How do these two things marry each other? We find in the Heart Sutra that it says, with nothing to attain, a bodhisattva relies on Prajnaparamita, and thus the mind is without hindrance. once you've seen the essence of reality and what's going on on this planet, there's nothing to attain. There's nothing to attain. So me sitting on my sofa in Hayes Valley in quarantine, that's it. There is nothing to attain. There is nothing to do. What I want to talk about this evening has to do with the Buddhist concept of no goal and no attainment. And how these are signposts for how to engage life.

[04:09]

They are signposts for how to engage life. There are no destinations and there are no individuals on islands. But we all had a goal and some sort of level to come here tonight. And we could have had a fixed goal to just come here no matter what. No matter what, I'm going to the Dharma talk tonight. And we could be blinded to that. Now, that's a fairly simple way to put it, but all along the way here, we could have actually been in touch with our body or we could have been in touch with something else that was going on and realized, maybe I shouldn't do that tonight. Keeping our mind open, keeping a little crack in the door. And I want to illustrate no goal and no attainment this evening. From two different ends of a spectrum, the macro, a really big impact of what happens when people have fixed goals and blind ambition and there is no openness to what is unfolding, no sensitivity to the small things, the smaller things, just a goal and how it impacts a nation or a globe.

[05:28]

And I want to talk about a small or the other end of the spectrum, let's say, just on the personal level. And I'll start with the personal level. And I'm going to talk about two people this evening. And their names are Shon Rue and Isabel Meadows. Now, some of you that have been around Zen Center might know the first name, Shon Rue. In 2015, I was living in Tassajara. And Shon Rue was my Fukuten, the floor manager at Tassajara. And Shon, S-I-O-E-N, he named himself. His parents let him do that. And one day, the light was shining through the bus window on the way to school, and he thought, that's what I want to be named. I want to be named Shon. Anyway, Shon Rue was in his early 40s. He was working as the Fukuten at Tassajara in 2015. And in the kitchen, there's all sorts of lessons to be learned from Zen practice.

[06:36]

One of the best lessons to learn in there is that nothing goes quite as planned. You can have a plan for a meal. You can have a plan for a day or a week. And every single meal, something will go sideways. And it's a great opportunity to say, okay, I'm going to plan something. I'm going to have a goal. But it's not going to be a fixed goal. And the way that I'm going to hold that is with discernment. I'm going to, when I say discernment, I'm not talking about picking and choosing. I'm talking about paying attention to what's going on with a mind that is keeping in touch with the pulse of what's happening, what way the wind is blowing, and noticing, kind of like you've ever heard the phrase, read the room, someone who's reading the room, reading what's actually going on. And Shone was brilliant at this. Because at Tassajara, we get all sorts of opportunities for things to go sideways because you don't live in a city.

[07:36]

So you order your food four days before somebody goes out to the town. They get all the food that you ordered. But they might get to the store and they might not have the rice that you wanted or the beans that you wanted or the sauce that you wanted or what have you. But all the meals have already been planned. And so there is all sorts of opportunity. All sorts of opportunity. When that truck arrives and we have work circle and in work circle, you would go and get all of the goods out of the truck and you would bring them down to the kitchen and there would be the Fuka 10, the floor manager, and there would be the Tenzo, the kitchen manager looking at what's coming in and kind of checking it off and hoping, I hope they got all the big things. We're going to actually have a Thai meal tonight. It'd be nice if we had rice. And so here's all the stuff coming through. And I can't tell you the number of times that my patience was strained. And that I was tested in regard to the fact that I was going to make a certain type of meal tonight, and the main thing that I needed did not show up.

[08:40]

And the feeling in your body of, this is not what I want to be happening, this is not my goal. And feeling my lack of flexibility, like a stiff tree in the wind, wondering if my branch might break. And then looking at Shone. Shone was an all-star in this area. And it's something that I've always tried to embody in regard to just remembering. Like you remember people and how they held something and how they worked with something. Shone would always look at what came in. And as soon as he would realize what didn't come in, he'd say, okay, I've got a plan. Let's do this other thing. And he would just instantly be into this other thing. And it might be a whole other meal. Oh, we were going to make a Thai meal. Now we're going to make a Tex-Mex meal. Huh. And it was just like the way that he would pivot with, okay, that's not what I wanted. That's not what I wanted.

[09:42]

I am in a conversation with an individual. And they're talking and saying things that I don't want. When we hone and practice this. in the micro ways of our personal life, when we don't have anything that is fixed and we are open to and paying attention to this moment and what is this moment asking of me, it's not that we don't plan. But if I don't pay attention to what the moments are asking me along the way, I can very easily miss out on maybe the destination that I should have arrived at and where I should have ended up. Or what would have been maybe more in alignment with the universe. And I think about Schoen. Because very tragically he died that summer. Doing one of the things that he loved to do. Running the wake up bell. On the steps of the Ingawa of the Zendo. And it was such a sudden and tragic death.

[10:47]

that shook all of us at Tassajara in 2015, that I can remember thinking in the kitchen, what is it that people would remember from me if I died? And I thought, I wonder what is it about Shon that I'll remember now that he's died? And I thought about this lesson of not having fixed goals. of being open to what the universe was giving him. And in a kitchen, you are constantly given opportunities to be disappointed by your goal. Something isn't put back correctly. You need something that isn't washed. It is just absolutely constant. And he was the best at pivoting and meeting what the universe was asking. No fixed goal.

[11:50]

Living life without the opportunity for autopilot. That's where I always kind of want to go. It's autopilot. I want to get it figured out. I want to know what my goal is. I want to know how I'm getting there. And then I just want to go. I don't want to keep paying attention. What's the moment asking of me now? One of the dyads that my teacher... where Yushin Paul Haller does, is you sit and look at another person in their face, making eye contact, and you say, what's happening now? And the person answers, and then you say, what's happening now? And the person answers. And you keep doing that for two solid minutes. So it takes about the first minute to run through all of your preconceived notions of thoughts that you might tell somebody what's happening now. And then you get into the second minute and you just have to start reacting of what's really happening now. And it gets to be kind of daunting and a little bit personal and looking into someone else's eyes. And that's what Sean was doing. He was just looking at what was happening now.

[12:52]

It's okay to have a goal. there's no destinations we never really arrive at it i don't know if you've ever experienced this phenomena when you have been working on something over a long period of time and you finally quote unquote achieve it and then there's kind of a depression afterward almost or uh well now what happens it's almost like everything was being done in service of this moment but this moment came and then that moment passed and then there was the next moment It's like going into Zazen to calm down. I want to go to Zazen. I want to go and meditate because I want to calm down. I might calm down in Zazen, but if I have a preconceived notion of what I'm going to get from Zazen and what's going to arise and what's going to happen, then I'm pitting myself against myself. I've gone to war against myself. This is what should happen.

[13:53]

In a macro sense, we see things happen all the time where people believe that this is what should be happening. The only way I can work with the world when I see things that are happening in the world that disturb me is to see how I can work with it on a micro level. What is the little corner of the world that I can influence? And maybe it's just some small thing. We're just being in that conversation. That maybe I don't want to be in, but that's what the universe is handing me right now. And being able to be open to this moment. This is what's happening. And the other thing that I try to remember, and this is something that I just love. But, you know, we look at each other like we are all somewhat similar. We have a head. We have arms and legs.

[14:56]

We look like we're human beings. And we have language. A better way to think of it that I was given one time was when you sit down with a person, imagine that you don't know who you're talking to in any way, shape, or form. Maybe the form of this person is just a gas like a ghost. Maybe they are an alien that is 800 feet high with four heads. Maybe they are three inches high and they're purple. People have so many different contexts that they're coming from. And when I have a fixed way of viewing you or some sort of preconceived notion that I might know where you're coming from, what that lens is that you're using to see the universe, Oh, I can be so incredibly off base or disappointed or just really miss you.

[16:01]

Because letting the moment happen is something that is brilliant because it lets people reveal themselves and it lets the moment actually unfold. And a lot of things just need to be able to have the space, the oxygen to be able to unfold. And when I have a goal for how things should unfold, or I think I know how they're going to unfold, it just taints the way that I'm going to be able to see what's actually happening right in front of my face. As though I know where you're going to arrive. As though you would arrive. As though I have a goal for knowing you. And now I know you. What if? I just let you keep showing who you are and unfurling. It might be that we're just dealing with aliens and being wide open to that fact.

[17:06]

So I can reset my context to what is this person showing me now? How can I not go to war with this situation? the situation that's happening right now? How can I not go to war with it? And on a micro sense, on a personal sense, this is the way that we can work with the things that we can change in the world, how we can go down our path. Now, I talked a little bit about Sean Rue. Next, I want to talk about Isabel Meadows. I don't know if any of you have ever heard of Isabel Meadows. My guess would be that you haven't. But I am curious. Raise your hand if you've heard of Isabel Meadows or you know why Isabel Meadows might be important to San Francisco.

[18:11]

Because this is kind of maybe a little bit obscure. So I was just curious. Most people wouldn't know this. I didn't know this until probably about six months ago. So I want to tell you a little bit about Isabel Meadows. Isabel Meadows was born in 1846. And she was born pretty much around where I am right now. She lived, I think, 92 years. And she was the last speaker of the Ohlone language on the planet. The Ohlone were the tribe that inhabited the Bay Area. And one of the tribes of the Bay Area and one of the sub-linguistic groups of the Ohlone were the Ramatush that were in the San Francisco Peninsula. And that entire culture, through the landing of the Spanish, through the occupation of Mexico, and through the eventual arrival of the white settlers and the land grabs and the gold rush, absolutely crushed that culture.

[19:31]

And on a macro sense, people saw something that had value and they wanted it. Ironically, people sailed up and down the coast of California for a couple hundred years and totally missed the bay because of the fog, so no one saw the inlet. But that eventually ended in 1768. Isabel spent the last five years of her life working with the Smithsonian Institute in Washington, D.C., cataloging the language of the Ohlone so that it would not be completely lost. And they had been here on this land for 6,000 years up until they slowly started to be removed. Their religion and their language squashed. Their lands taken. Until they were down to the very last speaker of the Ohlone language.

[20:39]

And it seems like something that is such an obvious crime. Where were people's consciousness? If you arrived out into a place, into a new city, and someone had lived there for 6,000 years, you might be curious just to get some of their wisdom about what grows here. What are the seasons like? How often is there fire? What do you do when there are earthquakes? How do you commune with the different species and trees and medicinal herbs that are in this place? You would think that there would be some sort of wonder about the language and the religion and the shamanistic religion that the peoples had in this area. You would think that anyone paying attention to the question of what's happening in this moment would have been pulsed at the thought of coming in and squashing and taking.

[21:47]

But blind ambition can be seen in retrospect for its harm in large overt actions. Goal is not wrong per se, but it is the path toward it. And when it is fixed like stone, it is so incredibly harmful. And it can be an inspiration to think about the micro manifestation of not having fixed goals, fixed outcomes, and being in the moment. And asking, what is this moment offering me? We see castles. Human beings build things like castles. They build them out of stone. It feels fixed. It's an attempt to be safe and secure. And the feeling of permanence, the feeling of I will be able to be in control if I can build some walls around this area.

[22:55]

And maybe I won't suffer as much. And maybe I can go out and attain and acquire a whole bunch of things and stick them behind this wall, either literally or figuratively as a human being. And if I could only order things in a certain way, then I wouldn't suffer as much. If I could have more gold, if I could have more land, if I could have better trade routes, if I could get rid of these buffalo, then I could build a railroad. They keep getting caught in the tracks and the train. And so I go back to Schoen. And the next moment to practice this, when things don't go how I. I'm planning for them to go. And when the person in front of me says the thing that I don't plan for them to be saying. And when we think that we are on our own little island, and I feel that I am separate from you, and that what I do...

[24:02]

doesn't impact you and what you do doesn't impact me. And it's only about me acquiring more things, attaining more things and making my goals come to pass. I will do immeasurable harm to you and to me because I will completely miss what it is that you are revealing to me in any given moment. And all of the knowledge that we could have had about California, from a tribe that had lived here for 6,000 years. All of that knowledge. And the only thing that we were really able to capture was those five years of Isabel sitting in Washington, D.C. at the Smithsonian Institute, recording the language of the Ohlone. And some stories that she had. And her memories. And she was born... a good 60, 70 years into her tribe being pulled apart and converted to Christianity and moved into different segments of life that didn't even resemble her original culture.

[25:12]

But they had passed down the stories, and most of those tribes did very little written. In fact, one of the first languages from Native Americans that was written was in 1846. Most of this was a very rich oral culture. Very similar to what we talk about in Buddhism from warm hand to warm hand. It's one thing to read it on a piece of paper. It's another thing to hear it from your teacher and to see it demonstrated by your teacher over and over again. And the power of that, rather than just having it on a piece of paper, was something that those cultures got. And so sometimes it was chanted and sometimes it was handed down in scripts and poems. And other times it was handed down through mythologies and stories. And she shared some of those things. And there is a movement to revive. And there are individuals that are still surviving from the Ohlone tribe who do not speak the language that are actually making some attempts to bring it back.

[26:19]

But think of all that was lost. And that's just one example of one corner of the world. How many things... have been reinvented over and over and over again in regard to human wisdom. Because we arrived, we know how it is, and we're going to do it our way. I have done that as a human being countless times to other human beings. And that is what I want to take forward is a way that I can realize that what you do impacts me and what I do impacts you. And that you won't be free till I'm free and you won't, and I won't be free until you're free. And I can't attain things and stick them in my castle and accomplish anything.

[27:22]

The seeing of our interdependence is squashed by blind ambition and the false narrative that I do anything in a vacuum. The seeing of our interdependence is squashed by blind ambition and the false narrative that I do anything in a vacuum. The goal is not what is wrong per se, but it is the path toward it. And so we all made a goal to come here tonight and to attend a Dharma talk. And that was fine. And now we're going to leave and go and do other things when the Dharma talk is over. And between now and the time that you go to bed, you're going to set several goals. And you might even talk to another person. And the only thing the universe is asking for us is to let it unfold. To let it unfold.

[28:28]

To be in touch with it. Like you would if you came across an ancient native people that you knew absolutely nothing about. Like that is the next person you're going to come across. And to not place my goal onto you. I want to know you. I want to categorize you. And maybe I enjoy talking to you. Or maybe I don't enjoy talking to you. And to put aside all of those wants of left and right. This way and that way. And to just let the things unfold that are happening in front of us. What's happening now? We are invited by each moment to pay attention and to let the universe unfold and reveal itself. And removing the square pegs when we see the shape of a hole. We need to plan and we need to attain, but it's not motivated by an arrival that will cease the need for paying attention.

[29:41]

And that's the thing that I think I've always wanted. I want an arrival that will cease the need for paying attention. It's like, okay, now I actually did it the right way. I set everything up. It's exhausting to pay attention. It's vulnerable to pay attention. It is scary to pay attention. It can be daunting to pay attention to what's happening in this moment. But we need to plan and to attain but not motivated by an arrival that will cease the need for paying attention or acquiring anything. that by its addition solves any deeper suffering. That's the thing. I'm not going to acquire anything that by its addition will solve any deeper suffering. When pained and grieved by the suffering caused in this world, by the acquisition and goals of the powerful,

[30:47]

We can start by embracing our corner of the world and let the mundane catch on fire. Just the next thing. What is the world asking of me now? And letting that be the most important thing I could possibly be doing. And not wishing away these moments so that then eventually I can get to my life. It's just giving everything to what is that next thing that's right in front of us and staying open to what's happening now. A monk asked Xiao Zhou to teach him. And Xiao Zhou asked, have you eaten your meal? The monk replied, yes, I have. Then go wash your bowl, said Cao Zhou. And at that moment, the monk was enlightened.

[31:52]

Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma Talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfcc.org. and click giving. May we all fully enjoy the Dharma.

[32:18]

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