Good morning. On this bright, sunny morning. Yesterday afternoon for edification, we had a viewing of a movie called Zen at War. And then in the evening, we had a talk called Can Meditation Kill? And then today I'm going to talk on a koan called Nansen Killed the Cat. I'm not quite sure what all that says. Believe it or not, the theme of this period of practice is the harmonizing of difference and unity.

[01:05]

Maybe we're casting a wide net on that, which has its own wisdom, certainly. If we think of our practice as... or maybe to put it in the other way, if we think there are certain things that fall outside the realm of practice, maybe those are the things we should look at. Someone told me quite recently, and they said, we were discussing the stresses, stressors and stresses of their work, their work life, and they said, and then on the way home, I stop off and get some Coca-Cola and Doritos. my comfort foods. It sort of captured my imagination. You know, I'm going to read a couple of koans and they have a kind of, you know, lofty, deeply insightful aspect to them.

[02:18]

And then we can stop off and get some Coca-Cola and Doritos. Or that other, you know, the full range of what we're all capable of. And I think most of us get involved in. We have our moments of insight. We have our moments when we settle down and connect. And then we have other moments where we stop off and get Coca-Cola and Doritos. Sometimes it's really evident in our monastery, in the winter it's very strict. And if you go there, every now and then I'll go there for a ceremony and just come in towards the end of this three month intensive period of practice

[03:22]

And the feeling is palpable. And when you watch the monks walk around, it's a kind of settled presence. And it's impressive. Then the practice period ends, and they're driving back to the city, and they stop off for Coca-Cola and Doritos, or their own version thereof. So in our quest for the harmony of difference and unity, for our quest in holding all the complexities and contradictions that we are, how can we turn towards whatever comes up and that too?

[04:27]

So the person said to me casually, and then I stop off for that. And I said, what's that about? This comfort food. What is it that needs comforted? It's the antidote to what? discomfort, distress, whatever way the challenges of work life had impacted them, whatever it had stirred up that felt discordant or non-harmonious. So non-sen and the cat. You know, for a long time, I avoided this coin.

[05:41]

I grew up in an environment, in a society where religious differences were a reason to hold deep-seated animosities that over a long period of time, 300 years, periodically broke out into violence. into Buddhism was that it was a compassionate, non-violent, tolerant tradition. And for a long time I held that in my newly acquired religious identity as not only an exquisite sentiment But also then I could, from this self-righteous place, now that I was one of them, or that was now what I identified with, I could now scorn on other traditions.

[06:50]

And then yesterday afternoon, watching Zen at War. easy to hold all of what we are and who we are. At times it can feel disillusioning. At times it can feel deeply problematic. But there it is. Surely we should be tending to our harmony, to our ease, to that state of mind that settles, and in its ease, the positive factors of awakening come forth. There's some exquisite passages in the early suttas where they talk about as the mind settles, as it finds its natural balance and ease and awareness and tolerance, it's like it blossoms.

[08:08]

It flowers. in its goodness. Now why wouldn't we just focus on that? Seems like such a helpful and appropriate strategy considering the many difficulties of our life. We can cast an eye around societally, politically, nationally and internationally We can look at our own relationships, our own work, as this person was commenting on, and ourself. We can look internally. All of that. And this whole contemplation of the harmony of unity, that kind of integrated, balanced, tolerant,

[09:10]

inclusive way of being. And this kind of fractured, sometimes even conflicted, internal life in our relationships, sometimes in intimate relationships. We're not sure if we love this person or hate them. And then I would say usually when we look a little closer, we see we actually do both. We love certain things about them, certain ways they are, certain feelings we have with them, and then other feelings and ways they are we're not so happy with. So this koan by Nan Sen, it's very simple in a way. The monks in the East Hall and the monks in the West Hall are arguing about a cat. And Nansen comes in, sees that they're arguing, and says, holds up the cat and says, can any of you give me a turning phrase?

[10:29]

How do you, in the midst of what you're in the midst of, with all its thoughts and feelings and complications or whatever, how do you see it for what it is? Rather than getting more enmeshed in it, struggle with it more, making it more complicated and distressing, how do you let it be an illustration? Oh, this is what's going on right now. So that's what he asks for. Give me an appropriate phrase. Give me an expression of what it is to turn this argument into a teaching, into a doorway to liberation, or in Buddhist terms, a Dharma gate.

[11:31]

Then the story goes, nobody said a word. so he cut it in half. My mind is quite convinced, almost totally, not quite, that it's all a metaphor. Metaphor. A little hard to hear it, I just say it in an odd accent. Okay. Do I turn it up a little? As tight as I can? Is that better? Okay. It's all a metaphor. Certainly I've spent enough time around practice communities, monastic communities, that

[12:43]

Arguments do happen. Maybe that's why we spend a great deal of time in silence. During the winter in Tassajara, you're silent from when you get up in the morning at 3.40 until after lunch, so about one o'clock. And then you go back into silence around 5.30. That part seems plausible to me. That a teacher, a Zen teacher would actually kill a living creature. That's not so plausible to me. Not to say Zen teachers are perfect or every action they do captures the exquisite tolerance and compassion. Louder?

[13:46]

Louder? That can't go louder? Oh. Okay. Unfortunately, the street noise is... That's better? Yeah? Okay. Thanks. A lot of Zen teachers are unerringly expressing compassion and tolerance. I can't quite imagine Nansen, who is quite a prominent teacher of that era, cutting a cat in half. But in a way, I own So as we practice to remind ourselves, it's extraordinarily subjective.

[14:52]

There is a way. We can step out of the subjective, and I'll talk about that in a moment, actually with another koan. But it's an extraordinary challenge. In some of the commentaries on the koan, It says, Nansen cut the cat in one. So here's how I think about the Kaan. Nansen was saying to the monks, when you set up disharmony, when you commit to a sense of separation, you know, of mine and yours, good and bad, right and wrong, higher and lower, it has consequences.

[15:57]

It not only influences your own disposition and your own perspectives and how you're engaging, it influences how you relate, and that influences how you behave. right out to the way where it can become harmful and destructive. He's like saying, is that what you want? Is that part of your fundamental expression of being, that you want to cause harm to yourself, to others, to animals, to the environment? And then the nature of Kahn and the inquiry it sets up is that it's audacious.

[17:03]

Nothing's excluded from it. Even the edgy question, well, is that an expression of me trying to comfort myself, having grown up in a... religiously violent community? And then these questions, it's not like, well, I better find the answer. It's more, what a wonderful gift to help me continually look at the attitudes and the prejudices that I might be engaging in my life? And how do they express themselves?

[18:09]

How do I express? How do I create other? Do I dare to admit to myself? And I would offer this to you too. If you dare to admit to yourself that there are others that you heap derision on or casually but emphatically criticize, they are terrible people. People like that are terrible. I think of the Bodhisattva vow. the vow to engage your own awakening with the wage gain of everyone else, I think of it as don't give up on anyone. Don't let yourself write off anyone. And then more close in, watch when your mind creates and your emotions create a sense of adamant

[19:24]

Animosity. And notice when you do that in relationship to your loved ones, what complex inner dynamics gets set up. Search for the integration, the harmony of the different parts of yourself. And as I said to this person, you know, and what's that about Coca-Cola and Doritos? And fortunately, we have a long practice relationship. They didn't hear it as

[20:26]

You're doing something bad. I mean, they know me well enough to know that, as I probably said to them, too many times, many, many times, and how do you practice with that? I think it's a wonderful phrase. It's inclusive, you know? It assumes you can practice with it. It assumes that that too... is part of the realm of practice. Often the first step is just to acknowledge it intellectually. Okay, yes. And I was cuing off the casual but disclosingly honest way they said, and I stop off. I stop off for Coca-Cola and Doritos. Comfort food.

[21:29]

They teach in a inner city school. And a lot of the kids, high school, and a lot of the kids have come from difficult backgrounds. And they teach their children mindfulness. Each class starts with two minutes of mindfulness. And part of the beauty of the Bay Area is that all this is done in coordination with a project at Stanford University around mindfulness and education and how it enhances the children's ability to pay attention, to learn, to have self-esteem, to build social skills with each other. Science is great, doesn't it?

[22:35]

How could she possibly be going home from work stressed? But they are coming from difficult environment. Acknowledge. to the best of my knowledge, to the best of my observations, this is how it is. And then, contact. How do you, what state of mind does it create? What emotions? What kind of physical tensions or distresses is going on? What's being medicated by the comfort food?

[23:38]

And can that segue into a more connected relationship to what's going on for us? Which often in its significance has emotions. often in significant ways, it has points of view, perspectives about ourself, about what we're doing, and how to tap into that. There's a saying in Zen, and it's saying, coming from and going to. going to getting in touch in a deeper way with who you are and what you are and how you think and how you behave and how that's illustrative of the human existence.

[24:43]

This interesting way, the more thoroughly we get in touch with the intimate details of what we are, the more we have insight into this is the human condition. It's deeply personal and it's impersonal. And it points at, and then the going, the coming from, the going to that deep connection. And in the phrase, the harmony of difference and unity, that's that unity that as we settle more and more deeply, the unity of our shared experience of being human and coming from it. How do you meet teenagers who are exhibiting

[25:56]

the disharmony of their lives and acting it out. Or more intimately, maybe, how do you continually keep yourself in learning mode? How does any one of us, in meeting teenagers in that condition, how do any one of us continually keep ourselves in learning mode about our own way of being. It's worth reflecting on the contrast between when we're in reactive mode. We react some way of, some perception of reality is grasped. We endorse it with strong emotions. And in another way, it's unexamined.

[26:58]

When we're in reactive mode, we're acting it out without quite knowing what it is we're doing or what's informing it to be what it is. Can we step back? Can we acknowledge? Can we make contact? Can we feel it? can we come from that place going to and coming from so to my mind all this is implied in Nansen saying okay we construct this whole world you know internally we're constructing the self the world relationships, all sorts of things.

[28:00]

But there are consequences. Good can happen. Harm can happen. And then I want to mention another corner. interesting in the blue cliff records which they're both part of. One comes after the nonsense coming the cat comes and almost immediately this second one comes. And in some ways it's almost the opposite of that one. And here's this coin. An outsider comes to Buddha Shakyamuni Buddha, and says, I'm not asking about the spoken, and I'm not asking about the unspoken.

[29:12]

And implied in that is, I'd like to hear your response. And Shakyamuni Buddha says, Hold still. And just stay silent. And after a few moments, the outsider says, Thank you so much. Thank you for your kindness. That really opened up the Dharma gate for me. Bhavs deeply and leaves. And then Ananda. who was Buddha's cousin, and also, for most of his time, his attendant. Ananda says, what was that all about? He made an obscure statement, you said nothing, and he said, fantastic. It often was Ananda's role was to be kind of like the fall guy.

[30:27]

And the Buddha said, Shakyamuni Buddha said, the fine horse responds to just the shadow of the weapon. There's a teaching, you know, like when do you, when are you prompted to practice? Are you prompted to practice at just an inkling of discomfort? Are you prompted to practice when you're just desperate in the throes of suffering and feel trapped and like you have no alternative? And then the imagery likens them to different horses. The shadow of the whip, the first touch of the whip, the pain of the whip, where the pain penetrates to the marrow.

[31:41]

And the Buddha likens the so-called outsider as someone who responds to the imperative of practice, just the shadow. What is it to practice with this? There's a request, there's an imperative there. How subtly, how readily is it evoked? And we can read a lot more into the koan. In a way, it was a very sophisticated question. I'm not asking about being caught up in the throes of conditioning. And I'm not even asking about returning so thoroughly and completely that it's beyond concepts, the unspoken.

[32:47]

I'm not asking about either of those. I'm asking about the harmony. And Chaktamuni says nothing. There's another koan where the monk says, the teacher brings that point up and the monk says, tell me more. After me, could you teach me more about it? And the teacher says, practice, practice with it. Keep close. What is it to practice with this? What is it that keeps turning you back to that? And the imagery of the outsider. It's an interesting story, whether it happened or not, right?

[33:48]

Who knows? This collection of coins, of stories, was put together a hundred years after the incidents has happened, mostly in the 8th century in the middle south of China. And then a hundred years later, someone chronicled, added them all together and made them into a compendium of stories. And then, of course, this one is from Buddhist time. So did it happen or not? The outsider. What is it to not be just caught up in the world according to me? What is it to pause and see it almost like an outsider as you acknowledge it?

[34:51]

Sometimes it's helpful to acknowledge without a personal pronoun. These thoughts and these feelings are arising. in contrast to I think and I feel. To be, and there's almost a paradox to it, to be an outsider in service of deep intimacy and connectedness. And as we engage in that way, to not start assessing it, judging it, getting caught up in some commentary about it.

[36:00]

So the voice of awakening says nothing. Just be it. Just experience the experience that's being experienced. As you drive and sip your Coca-Cola and eat your Doritos and feel how the agitation is rattling around your thoughts and your body and your emotions, You may think this teacher doesn't value or cherish the work they do.

[37:05]

They do. I sometimes think there's nothing else in the whole world they'd rather be doing. That strange contradiction and complexity of who we are and how we are. And how do we integrate them? Rather than just, sometimes I'm in this mood, and then sometimes I'm in that mood. And they almost like exist as different entities. How do they inform each other? How do we learn internally about the merging? the harmonizing of difference and unity. And how do we bring that into our relationships? With our family, our friends, our significant others.

[38:11]

How do we hold them in a way that invites integration, harmony? How do we hold it? I mean, I'm struck now by the divisiveness of politics as far as it appears to me, to my eye, in what I read. It does seem there is, on a nationwide sense, an increasing... status quo of difference and disharmony and even an unwillingness to find common ground internationally the rise of nationalism

[39:24]

So Nansen holds up the cat and says, if this is how it is, this is how it is. Look straight in the eye. Don't retreat into some quest for some exquisite peace within yourself. If this is your world, This is your world. How do I practice with this? In a way, it's a fierce question. And in a way, a very courageous question. It's all asking for our wisdom and our compassion. It's all asking for enormous patience and at the same time, maybe almost paradoxically, a willingness to take it on.

[40:39]

And in the Zen tradition, all this culminates in our sitting. How do we sit in that way? How do you sit in a way that excludes nothing that arises for you as a human being? And how does whatever arises for you as a human being return to just being? rather than spinning off into associated further narratives or commentaries or judgments or suppressions. Oh, I shouldn't be this, I should be that. I should be that perfect Buddha. I should be calm. Or whatever it is how you've formulated

[41:59]

the imperative of practice. So the second coin is the imperative of practice doesn't fall into some trite expression. I should be able to count my breaths from one to ten. Rather, counting my breaths from one to ten is to put me in touch with the vastness of all the ways human existence is expressed. This human consciousness that I share with all other humans. So we come from the diversity into the ground of being. in our zazen, and then we open up with each inhale to whatever else arises.

[43:07]

We live in zazen on its terms. There isn't some subtle control or desire for mastery in zazen. The inhale brings with it whatever it brings. And as we do this, the Buddha way unfolds. It unfolds almost like despite all the fixed ideas and opinions I have about it. It unfolds

[44:12]

organically, sometimes utterly obviously. Someone said to me recently, well, I'm going to take care of this in my life. And we've been talking for about five years. And almost from the first time we talked, that was in their life as a problem, as an issue that needed to be addressed boldly and courageously. I thought, aren't we all like that? The stuff in our lives, we know it's there. But somehow or another, we're just too busy to address it. And then one day, oh yeah, I'm going to address this. What great

[45:16]

rearrangement of who we are brought that about. So the mind of practice is diligent and in some ways it's directing attention. But it's not about knowing the outcome. It unfolds. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfzc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[46:16]

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