This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Welcome. This fine San Francisco Saturday morning where you're not quite sure if it's raining out there. or if it's a lovely mist, or if it's going to be so hot that you have to peel off layers and layers of clothing. So I enjoy these mornings very much because you never quite know what's going to happen. My name is Mary, and I'm very happy that you all are making this part of your Saturday. So thank you for coming here. Thank you very much for the Tonto Tim for the invitation to speak today. How many people are here for the very first time?

[01:00]

Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. This zendo, before it was a zendo, was a ballroom. And now it's an acoustically different zendo. It's kind of cool. That used to be a stage, and they used to have Saturday night parties here when this was a home, a residence for single women who were courting. And the supervising was very strict for the courting, and probably there wasn't a lot of shenanigans going along when they were dancing here. And then it became a sendo. I think there was probably a lot of joy in these walls. And it has also held a lot of pain. So I lived at San Francisco Zen Center for many years.

[02:06]

I've lived at all three temples. And this is the first time that I've worn brown in these walls. So this came to me this summer. And one of the serious questions I had this morning... was do I wear the lined okesa or do I wear the unlined okesa? I do not know the answer to that question because I sat first and then now I'm giving a talk. So I went with the unlined okesa because it was the first thing that happened today rather than the second thing that happened today which seemed very zen to me. Clothing is a big thing and There are some wonderful sewing teachers in the room. Ilaria, it's lovely to see your face. And others who supported me while I was sewing. So I'm grateful to all of the support I received in order to be wearing this color.

[03:15]

Before I came to Zen Center, I never wore black and I never wore brown. So this is a remake of the person who I... imagined that I would be in my life. So I have been talking and thinking a lot about practicing in community. My current job is working for San Francisco Zen Center, which owns a limited liability company called Zen Inspired Senior Living. which is in partnership with a Quaker organization called Kendall to build a community called Enzo Village in Healdsburg. And for more than the last year, I've been working on that project. And why I've been thinking about community is because the folks that moved into that place...

[04:22]

many of whom have been long-term practitioners, have never lived in community. They've thought they'd like to live in community, and they put their money down to live in community, and many of them are now living in community, and some have moved out of community after moving into community. And for those of you who either... live at San Francisco Zen Center, or have lived in a community, you might know, you might realize that living in community brings up things. One of the things that I thought about recently is there's this idea of five tastes that our tongue can pick up. So they're sweet, sour, bitter, salty, And savory. And I kind of think of savory as, well, that was interesting.

[05:24]

That feeling like, oh, that was interesting. Living in community brings up all these things. There are people who you are with, you think, oh, sweet. There are people you were with and you think, oh, sour. Oh, that's kind of a salty thing. So I think we have responses to others in community. And although we have an idea that living by ourselves in a cave and practicing diligently is a good way to practice, and that we'd probably get really good at it. We'd be successful. There would be nobody bothering us. The idea of living in a cave is so you can actually come back and be of help. So community, living with others, feeling like, oh, that was rough, helps us, helps us to live in the world.

[06:36]

And there's a story of Suzuki Roshi and a student who who was, the student was living at Tassajara for a while, and then he disappeared. And about 101 days later, he came back to the valley and he said, Suzuki Roshi, I just did the most amazing thing. I did 100 days sashin. I was disciplined. It was, I learned so much. I'm a great practitioner. And Suzuki Roshi... completely rejected the idea that that was a sashim. He called it something like, I don't know the words exactly, but selfish practice. So it is in community that there's this push and pull. And through that push and pull, the liking, disliking, the discomfort, the comfort, we begin to soften.

[07:50]

And it is that softening that Suzuki Roshi calls practice. Being kind to oneself. There's an essay that I read. I've read it many times. And in that essay, Suzuki Roshi says that a kind mind is true practice. Which I have thought a lot about. A kind mind is true practice. So for most of us, the reality of our life is that we don't live in a cave. We don't live completely alone. We're not isolated. We flow in and out of different spaces where there are other people.

[08:53]

And there are considerations that are mentioned in many different cultures around right speech. And I've been thinking a lot about right speech lately. So right speech is one of the headings or the areas to pay attention to in the Eightfold Path. And in the area of right speech, which is the third element, They talk or they list abstaining from lying, abstaining from divisive speech, abstaining from abusive speech, and abstaining from idle chatter. There's a lot of information in the Dharma about our speech.

[10:03]

And I would propose that it's not just about what we're saying, but what we're saying to ourselves. So right speech isn't just me talking to Tim. It's the messages that I tell myself. That's part of right speech. So if I'm looking in a mirror and I'm saying, oh, I don't like... the way I look. That's part of what we're talking about with the idea of right speech. And I would propose that it's the lion's share of what we're talking about, because if one is always engaged in negative self-talk, then one cannot really be engaged in the opposite with other people. So as in many practices in Buddhism, this starts here first and then moves out.

[11:17]

So the considerations, the request for these is that before you say something, there's a pause. And this is... how Zazen works into this, because Zazen trains us to be able to pause. We pause before we move because we're uncomfortable. We pause when we realize we're thinking about the delicious meal we had last night, and we come back to our body, the present moment. So zazen trains us through repetition to pause and come back. And these considerations train us, if we can remember, to pause before we say that thing.

[12:29]

That thing that causes us shame, regret, remorse, regret. division. Before we say those things, we pause and we consider these things. The first thing to consider is, and I'm going to say, I'm going to often say these in different ways because we respond to words differently, each of us. Um, So hearing some phrase to one person might mean absolutely nothing. But hearing it said with different words might mean something. So there's some repetition here. So the first consideration is, is that thing I want to say true?

[13:32]

Is that thing I want to say true? Another way to say it is, do I speak of facts or not? And these aren't facts according to Mary, my feelings and perceptions. These are objectively supported facts. This thing actually is true. It happened. That's what we're talking about when we're talking about this question of, is it a fact? This consideration is so important that there's a grave or clear mind precept about this one. And it's precept number four. And San Francisco Zen Center, it's translated as, I vow to refrain from false speech. Norman Fisher translates that as, knowing how deeply our lives intertwine,

[14:41]

I vow to tell the truth. And at Zen Mountain Monastery, it is stated, manifest truth. Do not lie. There's a really interesting study that I read about around this consideration of not lying. We have a part in our brain called the amygdala. And they studied the activity of the amygdala among a number of test people. And what they asked the person to do was, at the beginning of the trial, tell a very small lie. And I think they might have given them a script. So tell a very small lie. And the person who's saying it knows it's a lie.

[15:43]

So tell a lie. And when they did that, they measured this amygdala and there was a ton of activity. So it was just like danger, danger, danger, danger. You're lying. You're lying. You know you're lying. And the activity that was happening in that part of the brain was really significant. So that person was then instructed to start fabricating the lie. So giving more details, making it bigger. And what was happening was as the lie was getting more, like I'm saying this thing and I'm not so alarmed by it anymore, the amygdala wasn't alarmed anymore. So the energy of the amygdala got smaller and smaller and smaller until this person was telling an all-out, full-detailed, bald-faced lie and the amygdala was doing nothing. So they did... tests along this line and what they found out was if you don't lie very much, a lie causes this amygdala to have a lot of activity.

[16:48]

If you lie a lot, there's no activity. So our brain actually gets trained or it becomes completely okay with the idea that I'm I tell lies all the time. So it is a... It's an effort to tell little lies when we don't lie very much. And what this consideration about is rely on the brain... and yourself to pay attention to that effort and not lie. Because if you do it a lot, you won't have as many breaks anymore. And I think it also plays out for all of us when we lie to ourself.

[18:00]

So if... we are looking at ourself in the mirror, and we are saying to ourself, mean, horrible things, then after a while we become inured to that. So again, the effort is to think about approaching ourselves and other people in a way that is true. The second consideration is, are my words kind? Another way to say it, is do I speak with a kindly heart or am I inwardly malicious?

[19:09]

Or am I speaking with a mind of goodwill? The first summer I was at Tassajara, there was a fellow that I worked with a lot. And he said, I will always sacrifice kindness to be clever. And it was extremely difficult to have a conversation with him because it always felt like he was throwing darts. And sometimes it was like a spear. So that kind of... hard-edged conversation that is probably not meant to hurt, but it's difficult.

[20:20]

I lived in a place once where culturally it's thought to be a sign of intellect to be confrontational and to be kind of right all the time. And we used to call it death by a thousand cuts. So it's that feeling of always having to protect yourself from the speech of somebody else because it's wounding. And I think, again, We do this to ourselves. We talk to ourselves in a way that's wounding. So this consideration is about stopping before you engage in that and think, am I speaking with goodwill? Are these words meant to be kind?

[21:21]

It doesn't always mean nice. It doesn't mean sappy, sweet. It means kind. You can say hard things in a kind way. The third consideration is are my words helpful? Another way, are my words beneficial? Another way, are my words profitable or not? The instructions from the Buddha are to spread words worth treasuring.

[22:29]

So do we speak in a way that supports a situation? Or do we speak in a way to tear it down? And of course, sometimes we imagine we're saying things in a way that supports a situation. And then we realize that that what we said is not beneficial. So the request is to keep talking. Find out the injury. Be curious about what that or response was and look into the situation.

[23:43]

The fourth consideration are, are my words conducive to harmony? Buddha guides us to not tell there what we have heard here. So are we creating social harmony? Are we creating inner harmony? The third and the fourth consideration are reflected by the sixth and the seventh grave or clear mind precepts that we take when we take refuge, when we become ordained, when we become dharma transmitted, because these are extremely important precepts.

[24:55]

Precept number six at Zen Center is I vow not to slander. Norman Fisher's offering on that sixth precept is, knowing how deeply our lives intertwine, I vow not to dwell on the faults of others. And at Zen Mountain Monastery, it is, see the perfection. Do not speak of others' errors or faults. Precept number seven at San Francisco Zen Center is I vow not to praise self at the expense of others. Norman's is knowing how deeply our lives intertwine. I vow to speak of the virtues of others and our interdependence with them.

[26:03]

Zen Mountain Monastery. Realize self and others as one. Do not elevate self and blame others. There is a lot of dharma about speech. About how we can examine our tendencies and be aware. And that awareness changes the way I often use the language because it makes sense to me. It's like it changes the shape of our mind. then the fifth consideration is, are my words spoken at the right time?

[27:14]

Can a person hear it at the moment I want to say it? I'm sure many of you have had the experience, I like to call it a drive-by. So you're going to lunch and somebody is comes up to you and says, in many different types of words, you're a jerk. And then they turn around and walk the other way. So you're not prepared for a conversation with this person. You're on the way to somewhere and this event happens. This is what they're talking about with this consideration. We have to pick our time. Through many painful experiences, I have come to realize that if I want to engage somebody, particularly if I have feedback for them, it's really my obligation to myself is to ask them or email and say, I have something I'd like to say to you.

[28:41]

It's a difficult thing for me. Are you willing to hear me? If so, when would work for you? So you're preparing for a conversation that they can participate in. And they can choose to say yes. And they can choose to say no. And that's up to them. It does mean that you won't get yourself into hot water immediately because you're thinking about what it is you're going to talk about. You've given yourself the pause button. And so you're thinking about this thing that is important.

[29:51]

I'm thinking about this thing that's important to me, and I'm interested in what the other person or how the other person will engage. So it's about curiosity. So these considerations, like many practices, are easy to forget. And they can be summed up in one phrase, which is almost more easy to forget. but I'll tell it to you anyway. The phrase is, may my mind be kind. If you're wanting to say something harsh, and if you can remember that phrase, may my mind be kind, you will pause.

[31:08]

If you're criticizing yourself for not being good enough, and you remember the phrase, may my mind be kind, you will change the tone of the voice that you're using to talk to yourself. It is a powerful phrase. and it's easy to forget. When I was looking for these phrases, these considerations, I was interested to note that they came up from many different cultures. So apparently Socrates, and I quote,

[32:12]

Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? It's known as the triple filter test. There's an acronym. Think. T-H-I-N-K. T, true. H, helpful. I, inspiring. N, necessary. Hey, kind. There was a spiritual leader who died in the early part of the 20th century who was very revered by both Hindu and Muslim cultures. And he said, before you speak, ask yourself, is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it true? Does it improve on silence?

[33:15]

His name was Shirdi Saibadba. And if you want, you can buy a plaque on Amazon that says those words. Made out of wood for $36.99. And then there was a Victorian poet. Her name is Mary Ann Pitzker. And she wrote a poem called, Is It True? Is It Necessary? Is It Kind? I have it in case I thought I would read it. It's kind of Victorian, you know, like super wordy. And you're not quite sure what she's saying until you read it five times. But it's interesting that that's the title of the poem. Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? So I think for humans, beings, human beings, being with other human beings is something we do.

[34:44]

Wanting to get along, no, hoping to get along isn't going far enough. We have to do something about it. And that's why I like these considerations. Because it allows me to do something about it. It allows me to reflect before I say those injurious things and change the tone, change the words, change the feeling I have. Suzuki Roshi says in a lecture called Be Kind to Yourself from the book Not Always So, when you do things with warm-hearted mind, that is actual practice.

[36:10]

That is how to take care of things. That is how to communicate with people. doing a workshop with a Tibetan Rinpoche, Khandro Rinpoche, and she said, if after some time in practice you're not kinder, you're not practicing. Change teachers, change your practice. She was really... And I think about that often. think about how some of you will remember Blanche Hartman. My partner knew Blanche when Blanche was formidable.

[37:11]

And some of you will know that. She lived and practiced at Zen Center for, I don't know, 40 years. And when she was in her 60s and 70s, she was really tough, apparently. Scary. I knew her when she was, you know, late 80s, and she just wanted to hug people. Smile. Her heart was mushy, soft. She was sweet. And I wouldn't mistake it for... Something other than practice, actually. I think that was a culmination of years and years and years of serious Zen practice.

[38:15]

This warm, kind person. In the loving-kindness meditation we use... I think often of the words suffusing love over the entire world, above, below, and all around, without limit. So let us cultivate, so let one cultivate an infinite goodwill toward the whole world. Our ego wants us to be individuals with piercing intellect and always right. To shine energetically and brightly.

[39:22]

To throw spears. The Dharma is asking us to be kind and loving. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dorma.

[40:07]

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