i think
preparing
a director road

no

a fine morning for it out fall apart versus the crowd here are expecting that
the words of wisdom and and address lover dog park in my mind and and all fell apart on my way down here
well let's see what happens
one of the things i love about our this practice i mean i can to this practice at a time when my life was falling apart
and one of the things that i heard said by suzuki roshi rose sometimes the most important thing is to find out
what's the most important thing
and so i keep coming back to that from time to time
and i don't think that the most important thing is that i have a
a thrilling and exciting gonna talk to give you the way
well
i'd feel really nice i can do then i mean the most important thing parent is too
the going to be with you
i'm new
and share some of the joy of boom just well as a rules
and perhaps inspire and new
the capacity to
examine what is the most important thing for you
and tom harmon
how to boot joy or burn just this one ever was
that's right
i look for ah
what's gonna happen next or down the road but what's right now
the contract in this breath
and just go right
tonight
can have the
from confidence
an eye on this moment
just to be alive as enough
to feel what a rush of is
to recognize that you don't have to be ah funnels are like my or add anything to yourself
kobe completely who you are
i'm being completely who you are
it's perfect
what else could you possibly be
what else could you be supposed to me
then justice
and yet wrote down have a lot of conditioning
on that support this notion of
if i were and in the blank
hmm
they would be all right
the top of that notion is that it father all right to be just enough as it is
there's always some blank to fill in
so how about it how about being just this one

how about
com
not putting up hurdles that you'd have to jump over the phone it's okay
to be yourself
that might never been i've been able to let go
oh harris on motions that we hold onto that keep us all
kind of stuck
bathroom was a lot of fear
an
that we need for me premium him
there's a lot of fear there or maybe this isn't good enough
ah
maybe someone will find me acceptable maybe i will find myself acceptable may be
i don't know
hosting the fire is are not knowing
not being in control
just having to meet each moment as it arises
as it arises
so a lot of practice is to cultivate the confidence
that
as you are you have everything you need to move each moment
as it arises

the are sensors required to conquer front of that confidence
if actually to be burning
the by
ah well
a further rises
when you just are open to whatever comes up without being in control of whatever comes up in or we have this notion of wanting to be in control but when i'm never in control
we are never in control
life happens moment after moment
as the result as
and conditions
much too vast for us to ever be in control of all of them
arrive each mom and has produced by everything has gone before

and so we read it as it arises fresh
as best we can

and something about having the opportunity to to
part of my life in this way
miles up and me a great sense of gratitude
for having met ah having that suzuki roshi and had the opportunity to practice over the past many years but i feel is tremendous
love and gratitude towards of those who would prefer me and
ruined my life fell apart
ah
pat a little rambling components such as and and been with myself and try to settle down and
to buy
well my life as it is
and somehow and the course of that early sitting this great wall of gratitude rose up and me
ah
forever as ancient teachers that i've never met
who
for the past twenty five hundred years have been can to practice this practice
sitting still the starve just this as it is
and
let him go
providing it to be something else
so that we can actually be open to what it is
we can be open to all rather have her wounds when we're not too busy thinking about how it ought to be instead
and five now and then some of the sayings and doings are some of the own teachers come to mind
and it's fun to read them and sometimes you read them and they don't make any sense at all and yet it's kind of from the and then later on one on for my papa
and you'll say oh
so i'm going to read you a couple of the sayings and doings of the great teacher bhaijaan
badger and was ah an urn teacher in china and he was sort of the founder of our sin or monastic practice
up until then ah modest mouse or are not allowed to for example work in the fools to grow food because they might in the course of them are cultivating the fear or
we're planning things are home they might kill some insect or
palm sunday and so monks lived entirely on ah on arms going around begging so they let the let other people can to a chance of killing some being to grow the race and they'll just run rather than builders and the except in arms
and that actually read remember surreal and china which had a very strong okay bag
him down
and vaccine
it is famous for saying a barrage in europe as there there's no eating by on rearranged how months
chung monasteries
we their life and work with a just said the taking care of their own names was an essential part of the life of monks in china beginning with bhaijaan and continues to this day in our tradition
ah
i'm actually was had a lot to do with the with the survival of chinese buddhism in china because ah
where in the other traditions and china confucianism and taoism and from time to time there would be a great prosecutions of buddhist monks and nuns on the basis that they were
there are parasites on society they weren't producing there
are sure
i will just taking lives so that the child monasteries survived in those kinds of
are repressive times
rancho because of our passions
reorganising of how chain monasteries
ram
and then the stairs about him and ran that came up from me one of the own stories that i'd heard before that came up from me with great force in was last
practice period that i did down at tassajara
was an exchange that he had working on
bringing on said something like you're always so busy doing out of this work ah so many details and so much work and
good for
and night i said there was one requires it
there was one who requires it
another version has been maybe someone
who needs it someday
i said to him
well haven't you have right person for themselves
and by zhang said ah that person has no tools

but rather version said something said something like ah
that person may not know how to do housework
you know that person who wanted the one will requires it
who is that one
so he must have for sitting zazen that tassajara this winter
real question is the practice poor customer gets pretty intense some time we can have quarterly it's okay down there and what a time and the for in the morning and down
they said a lot of has in
and sometimes it feels quite difficult and question may arise
i am i doing this
or someone came into man private have you been said to me
from my practice
the tour
i don't know why numerous not right practice don't get to me complaint of the bars
the glass

but i think each of us if we first little change in san practice
well sometimes find ourselves sitting there facing the wrong with i was reading or tired or sleepy or croquet or across and so really remember is
and
vijaya response there was one who requires it
furthermore be someone who needs it
it came up from me at such a moment and cancellara last letter
was here right where i'm sitting one who requires
that i find out how to appreciate this life as it is and give up trying to be somebody else
and give up trying to be good enough and decide that it's gotta be good enough like this because this is how the rules and this is it right
we get before
when did you miss out of business and our carriage means like it
i mean it is what it is
so how am i gonna settle down and really enjoy and appreciate just this since it is my life as it arises in each moment moment after a moment
there's no plan and sitting around and wondering if i can you know how it's gonna be later on how it is his arrows now and later on to be how it is then

and that doesn't know the it over bernie planning a preparation when it's time for planning and preparation for me that's what i've done it but i don't keep rambling ah
when it's ever gonna be all right
he's got a boy right just like this and sometimes just like this is
pleasant and sometimes just like this is not pleasant
but still that's what it is
and our midst of that
to have some joy and appreciation
from midst of
on what i was happening i have
several friends right now
very ill
and nothing i can get a fix them
i mean they're getting the best medical care they can but they're very ill
so how to be listen
can arrive at a completely depression them as we are
this is my problem not to say o j i hope you get better and i hope you don't die well i hope they get better and i hope they don't die of you know how we're all oil or actually we're all gonna die
nine minutes matter of fact
right now each mud water was this is falls apart and something new arises all the time
get him some moment it will be this particular life that falls apart when something else will arise
when it's that here
but yeah there's going to fall apart gracious so so ah
intense and unable to enjoy things denver control flux and change
so how can we allow ourselves to be
ruth a fear of not knowing what's gonna happen next
just be worth that fear
and learn how to befriend friend actually
by totally and completely present with
whatever is arising

there is one who requires it
if it was not one requires that with sit still and an end learn how to appreciate her life wouldn't be here this morning i wouldn't do and then go out there are you drew sitting cross-legged when and i'm happy that
i'm listening to somebody talk about zen buddhism
how did you how'd you get yourself in the situation
there was one will require said there was one who says
settle down in your life
the find out what's most important thing

i just happened to pick up
ah
this magazine and a pass
however if pepper children who one of my favorite teachers teaching today
she say
mm no longer than i am that gonna write myself
who have
adam about the age i did i became a tibetan no faxing the children trooper roget
also with with grown children now
and then will book called a coincidence fell apart
she talks about moving friends with fear
and i'd like to share it with you

fair is a universal experience it's part of being alive something we answer
we ranked against the possibility of loneliness of death of not having anything to hold onto
for is a natural reaction to move in closer to the truth
anyone who stands and the lives of young man fell in the present without reference point experiences groundless looseness
that's when our understanding those deeper
when we find that the present moment is a pretty vulnerable place
and the best can be completed and moving and completely tender at the same time
the we begin our spiritual exploration we have all kinds of ideas and expectations
wherever for answers that will satisfy our hunger resort for very long time
the police to reward is further introduction to the bogeyman
but will talking about is getting to know fear becoming a familiar with for little it right in the i
man is a way to solve problems that is a complete and an old ways of seeing hearing smelling tasting and thinking
the truth is that when we will begin to do this
we're going to be contrary under
there's nothing to be much room for arabs that hold on the ideas can bring
where vince that inevitably does arise as going to do eventually shut down by own courage to step from a little further
the kinds of the scammers will removed through practice have nothing to do with believing in anything
they have much more to do with having the courage to bad
it cost dial continually

i once attended a lecture about a man's special experiences and england and nineteen hundreds
nineteen sixties he said he was determined to get rid of as negative emotions he struggled against anger and rest he struggled against laziness or proud that most he wanted to get rid of his fear
this meditation teacher kept telling them to stop struggling
but he took famous as never rare books explaining how to overcome those obstacles
favour the teacher said of after motto of a tiny hut in the thread rebels
the shepherd them sat around to practice and really that will rip through small candles
i'm imagine having lives in the corner of the room and an abandoned as he said well like snowy
it meant to him like a king cobra
it was right in front of him swirl
and all know he still totally alert
keeping his eyes on the snake
he was so afraid he couldn't move
there is just a snake and himself
and fear
just before dawn and last candle went out and he began to cry
he can not in despair that from tenderness
he felt that end of all the animals and people in the world she knew the erosion in their struggle and and his meditation have been letter with further separation and struggle
he accepted really accepted whole hullabaloo that he was out and and jealous
was afraid he accepted that he was also precious beyond measure
rise and foolish
each emperor
and total unfathomable
he felt so much gratitude that a as he stood at to the snake and bad
many fans have a slow down the flair
when we wrote the song was gone
he never move his imagination ever really been there in britain seem to matter
that much intimacy referred cause his drivers to collapse and murder and finally got through
the next time you kind of fluid consider yourself lucky
the triple is to keep explain and not barrel out the
refine that something is not what you're fat
never sweat with that
infamous is not really fat neither is mindfulness or for compassion love curves
these are code words for things will don't know in our minds
but any of us could experience
these were words to that life as rule is when we let things fell apart and men are says no to the present moment
many great face be nailed to the present moment
a life happens only in the present moment the entire my life happens
in the present moment
and when we go to the present moment
when we can be totally arrive
we're not divided between this moment and are fats of the past or our hopes for the future
catherine spoke last week about moving up from the story of our life
the stairs the retailer ourselves about the past and the future do we think we are and what we think we're gonna be and how how all to be
i was over which we have
no control
the only thing they actually can do
it's a train ourselves little by little
to stay near to the present moment
suddenly can be sure alive in our lives as it happens
and violent content it
because there is one who requires it
because we want to be completely alive
because when we consider
that's the most important thing
actually been alive in our life
was right up there on the list of priorities isn't it
actually being able to post their life
actual taste of been arrive it's redditor on the list of an important things
and sometimes that taste is going to be
delicious
and sometimes it's going to be better
sometimes i'll be happy and sometimes will be sad
sometimes they will be pleasure and sometimes her by pan
put all of it is our life
and if will try to pick and choose what happens is that were not alive for any of them were running away from it
because we're afraid
at some of it
may be difficult
but we actually turned around to the difficulties of my life
i'm actually enter into the difficulties of our life
well if i enjoy their because we will feel alive

sometimes to get true crime and prison reform will take a chance on that possibility
did for me i mean my life was falling apart
and i think insurance has had some experience of life fallen apart
and sometimes i play the part enough
it would take a chance i'm staying right here hurt the present moment and being alive in the midst of it

being willing to be
right right right

as a source of actual actually great joy
i wasn't no retreat
ah was a group of people
oh
so it had quite a wonderful thing going which fell apart
there has been a great deal of pain and suffering around it
and then fell apart about fourteen years ago
and these people have got together not all but the thirty five of these people who the midst of this wonderful
thing
and
for a long time before it fell apart
got together last weekend
and never were many rooms and much suffering
well spoken out
but an enormous amount of love
merged
from i actually being willing to sit with one another
and here one another speak
of the pains
that each of us had experienced
in the following the pirates
and really listen to each other each one speaking his or her truth without blame
but really being open
and we kept version of this our weekend and by the end of the weekend
in the midst of all of this pain nemesis tremendous opening a very heart warming
opening feeling
i it's hard to it's hard to convey the intensity of both
each other's pain and feeling the nervous love
at the same time
and what i recognized him that in that experience was that it was exactly the willingness to feel the pain
to let my heart actually be open to the intensity of the suffering cause
dragons
inseparable from being opened the joy
i've been with all of these people and i love
that we shared in the midst of our difficulties

so this practices are about the open town
alive as it is as it is
and feeling
the joy that comes with the aliveness
of being open
gavin when things don't go the way in which they would or thought you would lie still
the aliveness
the joy of

and that means being willing to be present
now after moment
with your actual experience and not with your
dreams hopes desires ideals ah
the versions are over thoughts that surround the actual experience with a memory
the candle again returning to the actual experience
and not getting caught by the stories
like getting caught by the thoughts
when making them into truth but being willing to experience the actual
whatever's going on
and if we're afraid to do that than we we miss our life
so so much of practices a bad game ruling to be present with fear
the fear that comes when will now that we're not in control

what's being in control and a wider sense just being willing to be in her life as it is

so all this work that you do why are you doing it
there is one who requires it
why don't you let that person to it
that person has no tools
or that person
ah
this this was in this is the tools
this
this body does the kills a bad person has
the do the work of this life

this is the tools that that person has to be alive in this moment

so never after marlins may have to keep returning to
herself
when we wander away just can't return
to this mode this experience this breath
this kindness
this tenderness
this feeling that arising now
this preconception that i'm holding on to just to see what's happening just as see cruelly what's happening
this is android deliberation
seeing clearly and trusting ourselves
to choose
to be wage
trusting ourselves to meet each moment as it arises
knowing that we have everything we need
tomato life as it arises nothing is lacking
cultivating that confidence
joining with others are cultivating that confidence
seeing yourself and everyone you meet
having the courage to live your life
there is one who requires it
please take care of that person

the
no tension