Welcome. So, as I mentioned to you, week before last, I would be missing last Sunday because of our funeral at Green Gulch for this very dear woman, Caroline Meister, who died from a fall at Tassajara. It took quite a few days to find her. She was way at the bottom of this this waterfall and Fortunately, pretty sure that it was rather quickly, that she died rather quickly. So anyway, she was such a dear person and many people were weeping audibly during the funeral and many kind things were said about her and memories about her. And there she was on the altar, this wonderful picture of her smiling at all of us, this very bright face. which all of us remember very much. So it was really a very lovely honoring of her life.

[01:23]

So now this week we're returning to honoring the teaching of Suzuki Roshi, whose bright face is smiling at me right now from a framed photograph that I have hanging above my desk. So I'm thinking that this warm smile may be the true secret of our spiritual practice. And as you may remember, it was the smile on the face of Mahgashapa as the Buddha slowly twirled a flower that marks the beginning of the Zen tradition itself. Why did he smile? Why did the great ascetic smile? And how come no one else smiled? What's going on? What's going on here? Anyway, we don't really know. But they're all good questions, and they all bring us into our own study. of our precious human life. So today's chapter of Zen My Beginner's Mind isn't about smiling, but it does make me smile because it was connecting me to this story that I had read recently and had practiced some years ago and began practicing again in a book of koans by a teacher by the name of John Tarrant.

[02:39]

And the book is called Bring Me the Rhinoceros. And John Terrence, a rather wonderful teacher, and he also makes me smile. He's very funny. Along with the wisdom in his explanations of koans, he has a very good sense of humor. So Suzuki Roshi, in his talk that we're looking at this week, is bringing this to mind, is bringing this idea of what this koan is about. And the koan is called Count the Stars. That's it. Count the stars. So counting the stars is a rather amazing exercise for coming to experience the limits of our intellectual and our emotional capacities. Our capacities for understanding the world, or in the case of the stars, understanding the universe. John Tarrant calls this a boring koan because anyone can count the stars.

[03:40]

And anyone can get bored doing so. And anyone can stop counting the stars not long after they start, which I often do. And then he says that this koan doesn't allow us to be vague, intellectual, or enthusiastic. It demands of us embodiment, presence, commitment, and precision. One, two, three. So I think we all know very well this experience of boredom. you know, that space between events that we must tolerate to get to the good parts at the other end. I've often thought that Zen meditation is truly a study in boredom. You know, not that old memory again, or not that old feeling again, or that itch on the top of my foot again, and also not that wish again that this period would end, and so on. So learning to endure our own consciousness, as John Terence says, can be very liberating.

[04:41]

Tolerating boredom is a way to appreciate our own mind when it is not being entertained or being filled with problems waiting for us to figure out how to solve. So entering into a field of conscious awareness that we experience as boredom can open up in us this vastness, the vastness of space that lies in between memorable events, you know, in between the juicy bits. One teacher spoke to us years ago at Zen Center about noticing the space between our fingers. It's rather large, the space between our fingers, you know. And by doing so, to have a renewed appreciation for the beauty of ordinary things, such as ten fingers, you know, and five on each hand. It's kind of amazing. So I have this friend whose name is Milo, and he lives with his parents in Australia now. He used to live with them at Tassajara, and he was quite a bit littler then, maybe one year old. And now he's three years old and can talk and can come and see me on Zoom when I meet with his dad.

[05:51]

And so every time we meet on Zoom, Milo never tires of showing me his toy truck and his toy train. So in much the same way, this koan, you know, to count the stars, helps me to refocus on the beauty of such ordinary things as those millions of twinkling stars in the dark night sky. Milo helps me to refocus on the extraordinary thing called a toy truck. So another virtue of studying something as boring as counting the stars is seeing again how our minds create reactions. which drive us to move away from boring things, to judge them and to reject them, and then to head off in search of something that will satisfy our hunger. The stars don't really mind too much if we turn away from them, but people do mind, and so does our own mind when we turn away from it, in search of something more interesting or something new, like maybe somebody else's mind.

[06:56]

When koans like this one make us suffer, they are usually showing us the way to practice with what it is that makes that so, and what it is that makes us suffer. Is it the stars? Or is it counting with no end in sight? Or could it be the promise of some warmth and light when we get back into the house or into the car or into the tent, wherever we are? Or is it the feeling that we are failing to understand what this koan is trying to show us? John Terence says that when we start to see that the thoughts we are having are the very source of our pain, freedom begins. When the thoughts we are having are the very source of our pain, that's where freedom begins. He tells us about a student of his who, after many weeks working with his koan, Counting the Stars, began to have really great success with this koan. And it sounds like John was a bit jealous of that because he had only found this koan boring and had been skipping over it for many, many years.

[07:56]

He'd actually says he convinced his colleagues to do so as well. So when he began to notice that this man was having this extraordinary success, until everything around him became a star. You know, the trees were stars, and his wife was a star, and rocks, and the steering wheel, and his car, and his hands, and his legs were all stars. So Suzuki Roshi, in this talk, in Zen Mind Beginner's Mind, which is called Repetition, is also talking about finding that something, or rather something, finding that nothing special on which to focus our life. That nothing special that makes us into an awakened being. just like the nothing special that makes a tasty loaf of bread. Nothing special but flour, water, salt, yeast. Nothing special but sitting upright and following our breathing. One, two, three, four, and so on.

[08:59]

He says that the secret for making a Buddha or a good loaf of bread is doing the same activity, the same simple recipe over and over and over again. For us as students of the Buddha's enlightened teachings, we often find it very boring to do the same thing over and over again. And yet if we lose the spirit of repetition, Roshi says it will become quite difficult to find our way. If, on the other hand, we are full of strength and vitality as we repeat the same daily activities, practice will not be so difficult. You know, get up, get dressed, walk to the zendo, sit, chant. walk home, eat, work, eat, work, sit, rest, and smile. So he then says that since we have to do something anyway, we should do something with great care. We should be aware and alert. Our way, he says, is to put the dough in the oven and watch it carefully.

[09:59]

Once we know how dough becomes bread, we will understand enlightenment. In doing this careful practice, we need not be concerned about what dough is or what water is, where fire comes from or where we come from. We should just make good bread, bread that we can share with our friends day after day, just as Zen students have been doing at the Zen Center from the day I arrived until the day that I left. Roshi then warns us that if we become too idealistic, we will not be able to make good bread. We will be unhappy comparing our own bread to some other better bread or comparing our own understanding to the understanding of others. And that's because there's always a gap between our ideals and the limitations of our abilities. He then tells us that our spiritual practice is not to be idealistic. And yet we should do our best to make a tasty loaf of bread or to make an upright sitting posture with the patient acceptance of just how long it seems to take for a period of meditation to end.

[11:11]

Actual practice, he says at the end of this talk, is repeating over and over again until you find out how to make good bread. There is no secret in our way just to practice Zazen and put ourselves into the oven is our way. There is no other way. So at the beginning of the chapter that John Tarrant talks about, he has his lovely little quotations for each of his koans. This one about Counting the Stars, if I can find it again. Here it is. Well, he's quoting this poet who's, oh, I know, Advice to Young Poets. Lower your standards. Lower your standards. I think that's basically what this talk is about, too. It's like, in order for us to really recognize that we are doing this practice, we are this practice, we are ourselves, are what we're seeking, you know, we need to stop idealizing some other self we could be.

[12:20]

We really need to come right down onto our seats and be the ones that are there. And smile. I think, again, that's the true secret. of this practice. So that's what I wanted to offer this evening. And again, I just want to be leaving us time to talk to each other. I really enjoyed the last times we've done that. And so I hope you'll you'll do that. Come on and have a conversation, which I would very much like. And before we do, Helene, would you mind if I just share sympathy with the Sangha about the news you shared with me? No, I don't mind. You don't mind? So there was a, is this, why didn't you tell? Why didn't you tell folks? There was a fire in my apartment building.

[13:23]

And while my place was not damaged by water or fire, other places, there were four flats. And the other three sustained damage and the building sustained structural damage. So I can't go back and live in my apartment for at least a year. So I spent the first week at the Motel 6. And now I am in an in-law unit. that was offered to me by one of my colleagues at school. So I think I will be here until I am approved for subsidized housing. I was paying below market value for my apartment and now I'm back on the open market.

[14:29]

So there is a program that will subsidize, let me pay my rent, and the subsidy will cover the rent that I will have to pay on the open market. And it takes a while for that to be approved. So I think I'm going to be in this little... in-law unit, it could be up to three weeks. Were you home when the fire happened? Yeah, it was in the morning. I just heard all this noise. I rushed to the door and opened it and was just met in the hallway with a gargantuan amount of black smoke. So I just turned around and

[15:30]

was overjoyed that my kitty let me pick her up and that she didn't go under the bed or something. And I just scampered out with her down to the sidewalk with pajamas and bare feet. I'm so sorry. So glad you're okay that you weren't injured. Yeah, no, nobody in the building was injured. Good. But as far as how I'm doing, besides being in shock and being traumatized by the event itself, I've been really working hard to just take it in stride. And, you know, I may not... meditate the most amount of time that other people do but I feel that my meditation and my Zen practice really steady me and so you know I feel some perspective and I haven't really felt

[16:58]

overwhelmed or crushed you know it's just kind of rushing off the ashes good for you amazing well i'm sure we all are sending you our very best wishes for thank you for letting me share continued yeah yeah well it's good to see you yeah Thank you. It's good to be here. So boring things. Anyone got any boring things that you'd like to share? Echo, please. Bye. Bye. Well, having some experience, I know Zazen has this calming effect on me.

[18:18]

So I know for sure is that Zazen helps me to sleep better. or fall asleep at least. Sometimes I lie down in the dark and I just stay wide awake. So I put it... Like one hour before I go to bed, I sit. And that's usually... That's usually the end of the day. I'm not tired. I'm not sleepy enough to fall down and fall asleep. but I'm so tired that I don't want to do anything anymore and nor do I want to do anything laboring. I don't want to clean the house. So I designated that at Zazen time. That's good. Very good. I'm sure that's historically one of the ways people have often used Zazen.

[19:23]

Get through those little blanks. Yeah. Well, I don't like the idea that I utilize zazen as a sleeping ed or as, you know, anything else. But that is what I do. And I've gone past, there was a time... that I think Zazen is serious practice. And I shouldn't do anything disrespectful about it. Well, I've gone past that. Very good, very good. I think that's why Mahaka Shapa smiled. Yeah. So, you know, if I fall asleep during Zazen, so be it. I don't feel bad anymore. I mean, I still do. And if I can, I get up and I go to bed.

[20:27]

to sleep properly. There's a very old teaching from the Pali Canon called the Vasuddhimagga. I don't know if you've looked at that in your time as a Buddhist. But in the Vasuddhimagga, there are all these practices that you can do around food and sleep and all kinds of stuff. And so they're rather, it's discipline, they're all kind of ascetic practices. And at the end of the chapters, very end of each chapter, it says, these practices are done to bring joy to humankind. Can you spell that word for me, Vasudhimagga? Vasudhimagga, yeah, V-I-S, I've got it right here. V-I-S-U-D-D-H-I, and magga is path, M-A-G-G-A, Vasudhimagga, the path of purification. It's a Theravadan text it's quite highly regarded by Theravadan practitioners it's wonderful it's very simple to read there's lots of practices and but the thing that really surprised me as i was going through the reading of it long long time ago was that one thing like these practices are to bring joy to humankind as i oh i forgot i forgot why are we doing this you know

[21:53]

When we say, when we say all beings, we include ourselves, right? It's not like. Yes. Yes. Of course. Like the rest of me, the rest of you is, it means, it means me. That's right. To save all the beings that you are. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. You're welcome. Hi, Cynthia. I wanted to tell you how useful it was. From Suzuki, the Zen mind, even if the sun were to rise in the West, the Bodhisattva has only one way. It was really life changing. If one thought idea could be life changing. And I use the example of I'm at school and the kids are punching each other and the teachers don't know how to Handle this learning loss.

[22:57]

And it just feels like chaos. And then I. What I went to school. And it's for me at school. Everybody has their school. But. When I realized that. Even if the son isn't doing. What it would be expected. I have. A task. And that's to show up. With. with my skills and my best self and my precepts. And all that I am absorbing through the practice and just through living my life the way I think I can be a helpful person. And you know I'm a big crier. I stopped crying. Look at your face. Because there's nothing, there's less frustration when you feel like you're out there and it's all happening around you.

[23:59]

My tears have a lot to do with frustration. I can't things be, I'm trying, can't we all try? I don't know. All I know is just to stay on my path was freeing. That's wonderful. That's so wonderful. And I liked that so much that I took it to my principal. And I said, you've got to hear this. Even if the sun were to rise in the west, the Bodhisattva has but one way. And then I had to explain to him and he might have thought I was odd, but it was really helpful. That's so good. That's so good. Yeah. Congratulations. Well, thank you. Yeah. Well, you know, we know who to thank. Whoever he was, whoever he was, whoever wrote that down. All the many, many, many beings who cared so much and had the inspiration as you did to go to their principal and tell them, have you read this book?

[25:05]

And all those people who got it, who picked it up and said, this matters. This is important. It makes a difference in my life. Well, I certainly feel like I'm going to be doing less harm to those around me. I don't think they need to run into me, you know, bursting into tears because things seem cuckoo. Yeah. Yeah, the Lulu. Now I have something else I have to deal with. And I thought you could. It's like just when I think I got it, I have to comfort a cousin who lost her only child. Oh. Yeah, but that's different. That's not frustration. That's grief. Compassion. I thought you could help.

[26:08]

Yeah. Well, are you asking me? Yeah, you worked with Carolyn Meister and her family. How do I sit with this? The story that comes to mind is, you know, from the old teachings of the woman who's lost her child and she won't put the baby down. She keeps carrying the corpse around in grief and she can't accept it. And she goes to the Buddha hearing that he can bring her baby back to life. And he says, yes, I can. if you can find a house in the village where no one has ever died. And so she goes to every... He says, bring me a mustard seed from a house where no one has ever died. And she goes to every house in the village and there's no such place. So she comes back and allows them to take the baby and bury the baby. And then she becomes Bodhisattva. She starts practicing the path. of meeting everyone with that same feeling of, we're not different, we're not separate, I know your grief, you have your grief, you know, we all do.

[27:18]

And so that's what we need from each other, is that someone sees you with those eyes, you know, that knows. I remember my great, great aunt, great aunt who, when my dad died, she was the one face, the one person that I felt really knew. what I was feeling. She said, everyone I've ever loved has died. She was in her nineties and she said, it's not easier, but I do have some feeling of understanding, you know, and I, I knew she did. I knew there was no, there was just no chatter. There was no, just other people were saying, oh, I'm, you know, things, they were saying things that you would expect people to say, but I don't remember any of that. I just remember her face and her face just looking at me with, with her whole face. So I'm getting on a plane on Wednesday. I'm flying to Denver. And I'm thinking, I cannot bring this book like I did to the principal and say, here is the solution.

[28:24]

And I'm wondering, how can I go and be quiet? Because being quiet isn't, I'm a teacher. Yeah, but you know, you know how you do that. You do that when you sit. And you'll be, you know, watch your spine. Keep track of your posture. It's easier for me to embody my practice because I know it from sitting for so long. I can come into a quiet body. Even if my head's going, I can be in a quiet body. And then eventually my mind will also calm down and settle. So leave Nuki Roshi. Leave Suzuki Roshi. Don't quote anybody. Just be you. Be her loving relative who's there because she loves her and cares. That's a tremendous offering. It was a helpful thing. I loved. I said, hey, Mr. Dominguez, even if the sun were to rise in the West, we just have to do our thing.

[29:28]

And it was appropriate. If his daughter had just died, you would not have done that. No, you're right. No. Okay, so I'm going to take with me the spine. The spine. And that heart, big heart you have. And then Ganesh with the big ears for more listening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the small mouth for less speaking. And then the eyes for focus. I'll put my Ganesh. That's what I'll do. Beautiful. Thank you. I really did need just a word or two to... I don't need a lot. This was short. Just a word or two. You are the words. You will be the words. That's the problem. Your presence. Not a problem. Not for those who know you. Thank you, Phil. Hey.

[30:44]

A couple things. You might have to reel me in a little bit. This week I heard of a term called quantum tunneling. And it was amazing. It's on the quantum level. There's a particle that turns both ways at the same time. Oh, right. So you say. And I was thinking relative and absolute. It was just such an incredible doing their own thing, not interfering with each other. It was just cool. Is there a precedent for relative and absolute quantum level? Of course, but Buddha got there first. He didn't have all that fancy equipment, but he had the knowledge that, you know, things are turning both ways at the same time.

[31:47]

There's a great book you might like if you don't know it already, a guy named Carlo Rovelli. There's another one on time that is mind-blowing because he just dismantles that there is time. that there's before or after, that there's backwards or forwards. There's no way to measure time. The only thing that makes any difference between before and after is something to do with heat. If there's no heat, there's no time. So anyway, it's fascinating. I'm trying to follow it. I'm doing the best I can. But it's just kind of what you're saying. It's like, what? Is that in keeping with firewood doesn't turn to ash? Kinda, kinda. Yeah, it sounds a lot like Dogen. Yeah, I think you'd enjoy it. You liked Helgoland. Oh, man, I loved it. Yeah, it's so cool. That's Lisa. Lisa got that for me. And I was like, oh, God, this is great. So the question I have is in the chant, all my ancient twisted karma, the word ancient, like how ancient is ancient?

[33:02]

I mean, when did when did i don't expect anybody to know this but when did human karma start with the apes or the big bang or when you know what do they mean by ancient what's the next line oh my ancient twisted karma from born from body speech and mind from beginningless from beginning greed hate and delusion beginningless I now fully avow. That's no beginning. Beginningless. Don't even think about it. You can't get there. Whatever started, whenever it started, there's a great something that someone said once, I don't remember where I read it, but this teacher says, you know, somebody asked why or when, it's kind of like, when did it begin? And the teacher says, well, I wrote that question on a biscuit and tried to feed it to my pig, but my pig wouldn't eat it.

[34:04]

So if the pig won't eat it, you probably don't have to either. All right. It's fun thinking about, though. Well, you're welcome to that. Your brain's going both ways at the same time. Yeah, that's for sure. So that's the question. I also wanted to say a woman in our song here about a month and a half ago had a fire in her apartment. Oh, no. Third floor. She lived on the first. But it was enough damage and structural and water that she had to pack up and move out to. So. Thank you. Thanks for your sympathy. Thanks. Coast to coast. Hey, you. Hey. Helgoland. Mistress of Helgoland. Oh, don't I wish.

[35:05]

Wish I understood it all. So I have, oh, well, let's see. Thank you for being there last week. Yes. Caroline. Yeah. Thank you. You're welcome. You're welcome. That's sweet. Yeah. Yeah. And happy Mother's Day. same to everyone all of you children and mothers those of you had mothers those of you have been mothers yeah and then um so i have a weird thought came up in meditation a little while ago when i was um you know observing so many different things rushing through so quickly you know the the sensation, the this, the that, the noise, the tickle in my throat, just tumbling through and here and gone.

[36:09]

And I wondered, you know, just a thought occurred to me that, you know, the question is, why do we construct a self? And... I asked that question, I wrote it on a biscuit and I fed it. My pig wouldn't eat it. Oh. Why? Oh, why, oh, why? Did I ever leave Ohio? Yeah. Yeah. No, but I often, I just, you know, I just wonder if it's almost a protective mechanism to keep out. There's just, because there's just so much there. Yeah, well, if we didn't, you know, we'd be kind of crazy. We'd be have to be taken care of by animals who do better, creating cells, at least, you know, or most of them seem to maybe they don't have the complexity of thinking about themselves the way we do or, you know, dressing themselves up and creating stores and cities and all this kind of stuff that we do.

[37:25]

But I feel like it's a, it's a part of living part of a living being is to protective layer as the cell and, and the feelers and the armaments and the, you know, the arms race, some collected calcium and made shells and others collected calcium and made spears. So, you know, we have been at it for a very long time, making little selves, eating our neighbors, Why'd that start? Things were pretty fine there for a while. You know, the Luca were just floating along in the warm water, and they were fine, and they had plenty of whatever they needed, and then some of them started eating their neighbors. Why? Yeah. Yeah. I guess because they could. I don't know, it's part of the pain of it, right? You know, and how can we stop? How do we stop doing it? I think that's maybe more to the point is like, how do we keep creating building the structure of the self, you know, the Buddhist enlightenment has to do with I've seen you house builder, you will not build your house again.

[38:34]

Your rich bowl is torn down. So your afters too, I'm not going to do that again, not going to do that. So he did find the linchpin of kind of deconstructing that process. uh and it has to do with you know the non-dual nature of reality there's nothing outside of you it's all this is you this is you it's your face in the mirror of the world of the stars the night sky that's your face it's the non-dual nature of reality But then in relative reality... You forget. You forget. You draw an arbitrary line based on what you think you can control, even though... Pretty much language is the sword, you know, the constructs.

[39:49]

I mean, that seems to be where we really got carried away, was when we started creating language before and after, us and them, my people, your people, you know, just creating these stories that, as we know, are just out of control. So I was reading an article today on whale speech. Oh, nice. possibility of when when the clicks of sperm whales are have been analyzed in a particular way and what they're founding is that it's almost like they have a phonetic set of alphabet you know like a phonetic alphabet and So if we have another animal, another species with speech and language, I wonder what would happen.

[41:02]

I wonder if they would have the same problem then. Well, it's, you know, it's interesting these animal people who speak with animals. Remember the conversation with the, was it a chimp, was it a gorilla? I forget her name, but they've taught this one animal, monkey, to have a whole vocabulary, maybe 50 words or something like that. And one of the gestures that the animal made, I think it was a gorilla, was they saw a horse outside with a bridle on, and they gestured this sound, this gesture, meaning, signaling that the animal was unhappy because of wearing this. uh-huh harness so there was a not just an idea but an emotional connection which i think is even more profound for us to understand these animals have these feelings and they are hurt in very similar ways if not identical ways of course i mean we're monkeys of course it hurts when our friends are hurt or our loved ones are die and so on so

[42:16]

One would hope the empathy rather than just the scientific curiosity would kick in. But the empathy, the heart, right? Yeah, the thought, yeah, the empathy does kick in. Yes. Can we love them more? And let's treat them like other and food and so on. Can we respect? That's an interesting... What you say there, can we love them more because they're more like us? I mean, is that the... Well, it's the empathy. I empathize with Helene's suffering. I empathize with the loss of her home and something like I can I I feel like I can understand even though it hasn't happened to me or this well kind of did but not in the same way.

[43:20]

I can feel that feeling of what that must be. I think I think I can. Yeah. And I I feel that way about the creatures of crawling around the ground. I don't want to step on anybody. I don't want to take away their housing. I just mess with things. Let them have their life, you know, somehow. I mean, that's extending the compassion. It's a compassion without empathy. I don't know. We'd have to have no empathy to imagine such a thing. Yeah. I don't think you have that problem. I am not a sociopath, thank you. You're welcome, thank you. Thank you, Fu. Although you'd still be welcome. Ah, Australia, hello.

[44:25]

Hi, Sue. Hi, everybody. When you told the story about counting the stars, It put me in mind of when I was actually working with this koan way back. Oh, you did. Because my first introduction to Zen was through the Diamond Sangha tradition, which, of course, John Tarrant belongs or belonged to as well. Robert Aitken was his original teacher, I think. And that tradition is a kind of Sato Rinzai kind of mix, a bit like Neapolitan ice cream, I think. Only two flavours. So there was the Quran curriculum, which I just loved.

[45:32]

It intrigued me. I knew nothing about sin. And it's very interesting how the transmission happens, Fu, because basically the only instruction I had was to sit, like we all have, that's it, just the instruction to sit, and then straight into this current study. And the stars in the sky is pretty early on. Hmm. The first kind in this tradition that people are given is does a dog have Buddha nature? And then if you have an extremely kind teacher, which I had, it doesn't take all that long before he says, oh, that's good enough. And then there's a whole series of checking questions.

[46:37]

And this one is one of them. And I had kind of got the hunch of what I've since learned to call the absolute or Buddha mind and all those sort of words. I've kind of got a hunch about that, about that which is unspeakable and You know, all those words. And this was, so I went in with this particular comment about counting the stars in the sky, with that frame, with that mindset of being open to, I suppose, the mystical reality. And I can still remember my teacher having listened to my presentation, whatever it was, sitting there going, one, two, three.

[47:55]

And it was only, and I kind of laughed and got it and everything, but what a hugely important lesson that was, and it wasn't until you talked to us about Dongshan, how many years later, decades later, about the two truths that I realised that I was being presented with the experience of the two truths. Yes, yes, the great underpinning reality. And yes, one. One. Two. That's great. Of everyday reality, yeah. That's great. That's great. It's an extraordinary teaching method, but I wonder how, I mean, given that we're, well, far from being a genius, it's kind of a shortcut.

[49:06]

to have talks from people like you and people like Dongshan and stuff to say, oh, yes, there's a mindset called two truths. It helps to make a path, I guess, for me. And just very quickly, In the topic of repetition, which, of course, I hate. It's so boring. Boring. But I've very recently been to see a movie which has affected me so deeply that for the first and only time in my life I went to see it again one week apart, and it's called Perfect Days. The toilet cleaner. Yes. I'm sure it's been around and about with you, if it's with us, it's certainly with you, about the toilet cleaner in Tokyo, a fiction.

[50:18]

It's not a documentary. It's the most extraordinarily powerful film. It doesn't say the word Zen or Buddhism or anything like that, but it is a perfect presentation of, to me, Perfect days. Where it's two weeks in the life of a toilet cleaner. And so every day we see him waking up when the same old woman brushes the pavement outside his apartment. He wakes up. He folds his futon in the same way. He cleans his teeth in the same way. He trims his moustache in the same way. And he goes off and cleans these already sparkling toilets with exquisite care in that kind of Japanese kind of Zen kind of way.

[51:23]

A life of utmost simplicity. and rhythm and harmony, and it is exquisite. Now, this man barely says a word, and yet in the movie you can see that everybody is affected simply by his presence. And I think, oh, maybe that's how it works. Yeah, I think it is. He doesn't have to say anything. And he's not a saint. He gets angry. He cries with grief. He has memories. He's quite straight. Anyway, it's the best presentation of a layperson's end life that I've ever seen. Anyway, repetition is so boring.

[52:25]

And so beautiful. So boring. Perfect. Yeah. Hi, Tim. Long time no see. Hope you're well. I'm very well. Good, good, good. I like this topic of boredom because it's funny you should mention that. And at this point in my life, I'm 67 i'm still working as an engineer i'm still doing all the things i do but um boredom is definitely uh entered in being a component of it like wow am i still doing this why am i you know and i so i question why why am i still doing all this stuff but for me bringing practice to it um

[53:26]

I think it's actually brought more meaning to my practice because I think we've, you and I have talked about this before where the practice isn't sitting on the cushion. The practice is what you do with it when we're out walking around and talking to people and buying groceries and getting cut off on the highway and that kind of stuff. And so I think that things are boring and and much more interesting at the same time. Because I find just bringing my practice to the boredom, it's actually not boring. It's a problem with the way I view it, not with the, it's actually not boring. But my mind is distorting it. Like it's creating a Tim story about it. Yeah. Yeah. And that's interesting. That isn't, well, Not really, but kind of.

[54:28]

Yeah. At least being aware of it. Yeah. You don't remember this joke when I said, we were talking about bumper stickers several years ago, and I said, yeah, I have a new bumper sticker for you. I said, oh, there's no I in Dharma. And you said, yeah, but there is an I in Tim. Yeah. You don't remember saying that. I can imagine. That really sticks with me. I keep remembering that. Get the I out of Tim. I think that would be a great bumper sticker. There's an I in Tim. There's an I in Tim. I'd have one of those on my car. But I don't have a car. You don't have a car. Not anymore. There's no I in Tim on the bumper sticker on The car, the food doesn't have. Well, I see you have a different background, so you must be.

[55:31]

I moved, yeah. It looks nice. It's very nice. It's very nice. Very sweet. There's a Zendo here and a lot of folks sitting, and it's really nice. Yeah. Yeah. You seem a little less stressed to me. I think it might be so. Yeah. That was a lot of. You were under. A big burden. Yeah, the schedule. The schedule is very tight. You know what? Zazen starts here. You want to guess what time Zazen? 9 a.m. Close. The second period. First period is 7.30. That's doable. That's quite doable. I was just like, wow, where am I? Anyway. All right. Yes. Nice talking. Good to see you. Nice talking to you. You too. Okay.

[56:32]

As always, very good to see all of you and now I can see all of you and how nice to be able to do that. Oh, there you are. There you are. There you are. Dear, dear people. Wonderful. Well, I hope I see you again. May life go on. May we meet again. Merry meet. Merry part. Merry meet again. Welcome to unmute if you haven't already. Say goodbye. Thank you, Fu. Thank you, Fu. Thank you, Sangha. Thank you, Sangha. Happy Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day, Fu. And everyone, all the other mothers. Yeah. Nice. See you all next week. Yes. Good night. Good morning. Good night. Good night. Good morning. Take care, Helene. Take care. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, everybody. Bye.

[57:35]

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