This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning, everyone. I was just enjoying your presence. It's a miracle, isn't it? how awakening and being in the world in a kind way can be important to so many people, enough to come here on Saturday when you could have been at home digging tiny little ditches for the raindrops to avoid your plants. So thank you for coming.

[01:04]

For how many people is it the first time here? And particularly welcome to you. Suzuki Roshi, who founded this temple, was very fond of teaching beginners. And it was for the reason because of the freshness of beginner's mind, that he was willing to leave Japan and come here for the rest of his life. And to continue to teach beginners was how Mrs. Suzuki ended up staying for 20 years. two and a half years after Suzuki Roshi passed away.

[02:07]

And sometimes on rainy days like this, I can almost hear the voice of Suzuki Roshi or the footsteps of Suzuki Sensei in this building. And we can... read and try to understand the teachings that they gave us. So Suzuki Roshi's teachings are available on the website, in the bookstore, and many different places. And Suzuki Sensei's teachings are available in the daily life here because she spent the next 22 years, trying to show us what it is to live Suzuki Roshi's teachings in an everyday life, in the midst of nothing special.

[03:16]

And how she did it was astounding. And she probably still is doing it. I hear that even at the age of 99, that she does her by Shizuoka River. And that she's quite healthy and sharp at 99, although she doesn't travel very much. So I imagine that she is still teaching in this way how to live out Suzuki Roshi's Ehe Dogen's, Bodhidharma's, and the Buddha's teaching, and that includes all the generations in between. And how she did it when she was here was so simple and yet so profound.

[04:18]

No matter what was happening that day, she would wake up and she would take a little bit of food and something to drink and and offer it to Suzuki Roshi. She had his altar in just about where Zenkei Roshi gives Doka-san right now. And then she would ring the bell three times, and then she would do whatever she needed to do, and then she might wash her hair and walk down in the courtyard, drying her hair and saying hello, to each flower and each bird. And I asked her about that one time. I said, what are you doing? And she said, they're my friends. These birds and these flowers are my friends. And isn't that wonderful that everybody else was trying to get their coffee?

[05:29]

And she was walking around saying hello to, you know, oh, today there are five new camellias on the pink tree. And one camellia bud that's about to open on the red tree. And there's a hummingbird. Hear its wings? You know... So no matter what was happening, this kind of practice of appreciating everyday life, of being in everyday life, feeling the friendliness of knowing that a camellia has bloomed, is a wonderful example for us. Today is March 31st, 2012, and it is the last day of a two-and-a-half-month practice period that we've been doing here, a group of people have been doing here at Beginners My Temple.

[06:47]

The subject of the practice period is the body as great vehicle practice, the body as a way to live for and with all beings in an awake way. And the practice period, though it's coming to a close, for those of us who've been doing the practice period and for those of us who are starting practice today or starting today's practice today, which includes everybody in the room, it's not really an ending. So this lecture, the ceremonies that are happening, this practice period is just an example or just a special situation in which we can study our intention in a specific way. And about 35 people have been sitting a seven-day seshin

[07:56]

The people in Sashin have established a practice of silence and support for each other. And although today the rhythm is a little bit different, let's keep silence, those of us who are in Sashin, as much as possible. Just functional talking. Be kind and generous to ourselves on this last day. Providing the support that we need to... finish the sashin with dignity and peace. But today, as it's the last day of sashin, or maybe the first day of your practice, or the first part of today's practice, today might be a good day to think about how you want to dedicate your practice. What is it for, or who is it for? How do you want to bring it into the world, and how will you manifest that physically?

[09:03]

Whether you're in Sashin or not, I request, I ask you from the bottom of my heart, for the next few days, please take care of yourself very well. It doesn't matter if you're in Sashin or not. please take care of yourself very, very well. Please take care of your food. Please take care of your sleep. And please take care of yourself in anything extreme that arises. So you may have been through a big experience in the last few days or in the last few months. And you may want to even schedule some quiet or restorative times to absorb what's happened and understand how you want to live. Even if nothing big has happened, just today is a big event, no matter whether it's a special event or whether it's just today.

[10:15]

So during this practice period, we've looked at zazen posture. at the body and feelings, at food and rest, exercise, work, intimacy, and the sickness, old age, and death that people face. And we've tried to understand in our own bodies how these phenomena are received in the body and how they support our lives. And today, I would like to extend our study a little bit to how can we work, how can we live, how can we understand in a physical and physiological way our own life, the texture of our own life, particularly in our emotions and our feelings.

[11:24]

I didn't know exactly what the difference was between an emotion and a feeling this morning. So I looked it up. Because, you know, in California, these words are often used interchangeably. Or else, you know, are you feeling it? And, you know, it's not... I have no idea what that means, really. I mean, I kind of do, but... but not well enough for a lecture. So I looked up how these words came to us. And feel is from old English word, felin, meaning to touch or to perceive. And the old Norse that the English word came from is falma. I don't know how to pronounce it, which means kind of groping around. And it was originally used to signify a kind of sensing of how we are when there isn't a sense organ that's associated.

[12:35]

So, you know, we see things, we smell things, we taste things. And then the things that we don't know how they come to us, that's what that word was used for. So some sort of general sense, body sense that's not exactly touch. And the word emotion is actually from a French word and from a Latin word before that. And it means what it sounds like. E is like E in external. It means out. And motion means moving. So it means to move out. So it's kind of like an intention, but it's not necessarily conscious. And so in practice... Often we try to understand or to feel our emotions moment after moment throughout the day. So can we do this?

[13:38]

It's actually kind of a challenge because often we don't even know that we've had a feeling or an emotion until we blurt it out in some way. Has that ever happened to you? You know, you find yourself saying something, and then you say, what was that all about? And then you realize, oh, when he cut me off in traffic, I was angry because... And then you could say a number of things. Safety requires that we go in an orderly way. But that's probably not it, right? So the Buddha has given us a clue of how to understand emotions and feelings. And first I just want to read what he has to say. And this is from a sutra called the Maha Satipatthana Sutta, which is one of my favorites.

[14:41]

And I used to have a practice of copying this sutra and giving it away or burning it. as an offering. So for many years, that's what I did. And this is what the sutra says. How does a practitioner remain focused on feelings in and of themselves? This is a translation from Thanissaro Bhikkhu. You can see it at www.accesstoinsight.org. Except he says... a monk, but I want to say a practitioner. How does a practitioner remain focused on feelings in and of themselves? There is the case where a practitioner, when feeling a painful feeling, discerns. I'm feeling a painful feeling. When feeling a pleasant feeling, he or she discerns.

[15:44]

I'm feeling a pleasant feeling. When feeling a neither painful nor pleasant feeling, he or she discerns, I'm feeling a neither painful nor pleasant feeling. When feeling a painful feeling of the flesh, he discerns, I'm feeling a painful feeling of the flesh. When feeling a painful feeling not of the flesh, she discerns, I'm feeling a painful feeling not of the flesh. When feeling a pleasant feeling of the flesh, he discerns, I'm feeling a pleasant feeling of the flesh. When feeling a pleasant feeling not of the flesh, he discerns, I'm feeling a pleasant feeling not of the flesh. When feeling a neither painful nor pleasant feeling of the flesh, he discerns, I'm feeling a neither painful nor pleasant feeling of the flesh. When feeling a neither painful nor pleasant feeling not of the flesh, She discerns, I'm feeling a neither painful nor pleasant feeling, not of the flesh.

[16:49]

So it's a feeling, painful, pleasant, don't know. Of the flesh, painful, pleasant, don't know. Not of the flesh, painful, pleasant, or don't know. Those are the options. Painful, pleasant, or don't know. In this way... he remains focused internally on feelings in and of themselves, or externally on feelings in and of themselves, or both internally and externally on feelings in and of themselves. So, feelings... That word is used a little bit differently from how we use it, so I just want to say if you contact something with the senses, if there's sense contact of something, your ability to sense it and the act of sensing it, right after the moment of touch or contact that the old English talked about is a tiny little yeah, yeah, yeah,

[18:02]

or uh-uh-uh, or huh, that arises. And that's positive, negative, or neutral. And that's more like the Old Norse understanding of the word. So there's contact, and then there's a tiny little addition to that. And then if we wait for only a minute or don't notice that, more builds up around that. So that first little, mm, is what's meant by the feeling. So let's see if we can get a feeling for this, so to speak, in our own body. So you might want to refresh your posture. You might want to adjust yourself if the feeling is overly painful or if you can't find your balance. So find your balance and just take a couple of breaths. And just breathing in, breathing out, find a part of your body that you're willing to spend some time with for the next minute or two.

[19:23]

And just gently ask yourself, What feeling is present? Is this part of the body feeling pleasant? Or is it feeling unpleasant? Or can't I tell? How mild or intense is that feeling? to stay with the feeling for a moment in this part of the body. What happens? Does it stay the same or does it change? Does the feeling tongue stay the same or does it change?

[20:28]

Does the intensity stay the same or does it change? Just look a little bit at the feeling itself and try to see whether that feeling is you, is what you mean by you, or whether it isn't, or to what extent. Or you can try now, just release that for a second, and try with a different sensation from touch, maybe a sound or a sight. Can you tell?

[21:35]

Pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral. mild or intense. Stay with it and see what happens. Or try You release that one and try with an emotion if there's one coming up. Find it in your body and see where it is and how big or how little it is. What it feels like.

[22:38]

Look under it a little bit and see if you can find the feeling tone that's underneath it. What character is this? And you might try seeing what happens if you say a few words about the emotion or if you don't have one, if you say a few words that trigger something for you and notice what happens. Just a couple words like that are associated with that for you. And what happens in your body when you say things about it to yourself? How do these words or the story affect the basic feeling tone or the physical sensation of the feeling in size, in quality, or in intensity?

[23:57]

So did you notice that those teeny little feelings precede what we usually call feelings? The basic feeling gets words and physical reactions around it, and then the emotion develops from that. And what we generally call feelings in California arise from from these psychophysical events, but a little bit later. So often, if we don't notice it, a full-blown reaction develops, and when those come in patterns, we call them karmic consciousness. Those patterns can become habitual. They can become reified for us, and that's what we call karma, giving rise to karma. You know, when we say the name of a feeling, often it has physical sensations associated with it.

[25:22]

For instance, if you're feeling, if the emotion is sadness, you may have felt it in your belly or in your chest. You know, you may have felt your chest doing this, withdrawing a little bit, or your eyes might have burned. It might feel empty or narrow. you know, shadowed in some way. Or if you were glad, you might have felt it in your chest and eyes. The chest might have gotten very big. Eyes might have gotten bright. And there's a feeling associated with that, a physical feeling. And a lot of the feelings that we have or that we talk about are compounded from a few basic ones, like someone told me Sad, mad, glad, scared. But there's also people all over the world generally recognize sad, mad, glad, scared, but also surprised, disgusted, and attracted are also in there someplace.

[26:35]

Those are some basic ones. And then you can combine flavors. like jealousy is when you're sad and mad, or, I don't know, resentment is when you're mad and blocked, powerless in some way. So, and then this piece of it, Or there's another piece of the phenomenon of feelings in the body, which you may have noticed, that they arise and that they pass away. And so the sutra says, or she remains focused on the phenomenon of origination with regard to feelings, on the phenomenon of passing away with regard to feelings, or on the phenomenon of origination and passing away with feelings. with regard to feelings. So if you sat with your feeling, you may have noticed it changing, that it was there for a while and then it began to fade.

[27:39]

And this is normal. This is happening all the time. But when we tell stories, it's like, have you ever tried the game of keeping a balloon up in the air? So the stories are kind of like hitting the balloon up. Keeps the feeling activated. the emotion and the reaction activated. And then eventually, probably sometimes by accident, we drop it. And something else that you may have noticed is that if you sit with the phenomenon of arising and passing away of feelings, you get less pushed around by them. And so when a feeling arises and falls away, It doesn't have quite the belief system built up around it that it did before you started practicing with it. And this feeling of less significance or less, I don't have to react to it right away, builds up or matures.

[28:57]

in us a sensitivity to the feelings at earlier and earlier states. And so the phenomenon, you know, we just notice, oh, there is a feeling, and the feeling is this. It's established only to the point of noticing it and letting it pass. And that's called the entry into emptiness that we've been discussing this seshin. And my challenge to you is exiting Sashin or exiting the temple, can you practice it in your own body in normal conditions? So this is where if you are practicing, if you're established in the practice, the precepts come in. So we say, I vow to refrain from actions that create attachment. I vow to make every effort to live in enlightenment. I vow to live and be lived for the benefit of all beings.

[30:01]

Or I vow to stop doing bad. I vow to do good. And I vow to save beings. Anyway, to avoid actions that create attachment means that we get off the treadmill of feeling and reaction. To do good means instead we can identify and acknowledge the feeling and emotion that's coming up in us. We can filter it through our awareness and let the skillful ones pass through. And the unskillful ones, we can try to understand the energy that's associated with them. For instance, if we're angry, what's the boundary or the respect that we need to reassert? If we're sad, can I give myself space for mourning?

[31:04]

That kind of thing. And can we bring forth our intention in expressing the truth in emotion? as a conscious intention in the world. So I just realized that this is, oh, maybe it's the last week of the month. It's the last week of the month and not the first week of the month. So I didn't have to bring in a story or something, but I did anyway. So I brought in two quotes for show and tell. Okay? And the first one is about someone who was conscious of his emotions. And here it is.

[32:08]

When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes, I all alone beweep my outcast state, and trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries, and look upon myself and curse my fate, wishing me like to one more rich in hope, featured like him, like him with friends possessed, desiring this man's art and that man's scope with what I most enjoy contented least. Yet in these thoughts, myself almost despising, Happily I think on thee. And then my state, like to the lark at break of day arising from sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate. For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings that then I scorned to change my state with kings.

[33:11]

This is by Shakespeare. So maybe I'll start over so you can hear this again. This is great. So this is great stuff, but it's in a kind of language that bears repeating. So pretty much it's a very famous sonnet. It's number 29. And basically he's saying, when life is awful and I'm crying all alone and yelling to the heavens to change everything, uselessly and envying other people's states, both what they look like and their friends and their accomplishments and their abilities and hating myself almost because of that. Suddenly it says happily, which means happily, but it also means by some chance.

[34:14]

the thought of you comes up. And then my state of mind is like that of a bird, like a lark, which at daybreak rises up from the earth and to sing hymns at the gates of heaven. And so my state of mind becomes like this because If I remember your sweet love, it brings me so much wealth and happiness that I wouldn't change my place with anyone, not even a king. So I'll read it again. When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes, I all alone beweep my outcast state and trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries and look upon myself and curse my fate. wishing me like to one more rich in hope, featured like him, like him with friends possessed, desiring this man's art and that man's scope with what I most enjoy contented least.

[35:29]

Yet, in these thoughts, myself almost despising happily I think on thee, and then... My state, like to the lark at break of day arising from sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate. For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings that then I scorn to change my state with kings. So, here's another... quote from Dogen Zenji, the founder of our school in Japan. And he's talking about the six states that people are in. There's a lore about the states of body and mind. Hell, hungry ghosts, animals, humans, devas, or

[36:39]

righteous, angry gods, asuras, are the various states of existence. And they come about by previous thoughts, basically by one's emotional life. So, for instance, if you spend a lot of time hating, hell is commonly thought to be a retributive state in which you can work out the consequences of hating. If you spend a lot of time yearning, There's these beings called hungry ghosts that have gigantic bellies and pencil necks. And so they're always hungry. Animals. If you spend your life in prejudice, in fear, and not knowing the things that you can know, it's said that you're reborn in an animal state. So that can be thought of as actual lives, or it can be thought of as moment by moment.

[37:40]

So this is by Dogen Zenji. Although the thought of enlightenment seems to create conditions, it actually does not encounter conditions. This means emotional conditions. The thought of enlightenment and conditions together hold out a single hand. A single hand held out freely. A single hand held out in the midst of all being. Thus, the thought of enlightenment is aroused even in the realm of hell, hungry ghosts, animals, or malevolent spirits. So think about our emotional life and what we do with it as a single hand held out freely, held out in the midst of all beings. Conditions hold out a single hand to us. are we going to hold out a single hand in return?

[38:43]

That's what's meant by living our lives for and with all beings. So... This practice period would not have been possible without the invitation of Abbot Emeritus Reuschen Paul Haller and Abiding Abbess Keiko Christina Lainher. These invitations make it possible who are supporting me on the left and right. teacher senior Dharma teacher Zen K. Blanche Hartman my co-leader and inspiration for any good this practice period and without the efforts of would not have been possible without the efforts of the many people who physically participated in the practice period

[40:10]

and also participated online at home. And this practice, this practice place, also is like this. After the practice period ends, the practice place continues. And your participation in the practice place, in the life of the practice place, your curiosity, your questions, your needs, the contribution of your life is the ground on which a place like this can live and help people, help the person who comes here who needs help or help anyone. So thank you so much. for your presence and for your practice.

[41:14]

And may your great health continue. And may you thoroughly realize awakening in the body for and with all beings. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[41:52]

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