This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Well, this is very interesting. On my way, as I was thinking about this talk this evening, A song from my childhood or a verse from my childhood came to mind. And I decided I would start with that and see where that goes. And then we can see what that has to do with Zen. And some of you may be familiar with it. When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother, what will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? Here's what she said to me. Of course, if I had a voice, I could sing this, but, Que sera, sera, whatever will be, will be.

[01:07]

The future's not ours to see. Que sera, sera. So then we move to China, Tang Dynasty, and Zen Master Yunmen. And a monk asked Yunmen, and he said, asked the teacher, Master, what is the teaching of the Buddhas and ancestors? And Yun Man replied, an appropriate response. And moving from China, we go to Turkey, and a Sufi story, and an enthusiastic devotee was searching out a Nasruddin, who was also known as a master for his wisdom. And he asked, he found him in a marketplace, and he said, Master Nasruddin, I have a very important question for you. It's something that all of us want to know.

[02:08]

What is the secret of happiness? And Nasruddin thought for a while, and finally he said, judgment. And this... And the student said, ah, yes, judgment. How do you get judgment? Oh, no, I got this story wrong. See, you never know. He asked Nasrudian, what is the most important point to happiness? And he said, experience. And the student said, how do you get experience? And he said, judgment. And then I... Let me look at my story here. Nope, he said judgment. How do you get judgment? He said experience. And how do you get experience? Bad judgment. So I should have read that story to you instead of just trying to remember it, but I didn't.

[03:12]

Basically and fundamentally in my life, I'm a conversationalist. So I'm starting the conversation with these three stories. We don't know. We would like to have an appropriate response. And we get this through judgment. Tonight, I start the conversation, and I hope that you'll join me in the conversation later. And the three points I'd like to bring up that we can remember tonight are awareness, assumptions, and actions. And we've just completed this wonderful series with Reverend Ryushin Poller on the Satipatthana Sutta on awareness. And our awareness is our Zazen practice. And in our Zazen practice, Suzuki Rossi suggests in his most important, one of his most important points is the blank white screen.

[04:20]

Our life is a movie. And what's important? The movie is our assumptions, and what's important is to go back to settling into that blank white screen. And in the middle of that blank screen, our assumptions and our stories arise, and out of those assumptions, which come from our conditioning, becomes our actions. And out of these actions, we get either our good judgment, our bad judgment. Our bad judgment, in my case, would be, oh, this was not the appropriate response. This did not meet the moment. Back to my experience, my awareness. Where was I coming from? What was the assumption? Recently, I was speaking with someone, or actually I was giving out assignments, and I was in a hurry.

[05:24]

And I thought, oh, my God, I've just got to get through this. And someone came up to my left side, and I turned to them, and I just said, what? What do you want? And they kind of got a little shocked. In that moment when I was not in my presence, I was kind of sharp. It was not an appropriate response. My good fortune was that they came back later and said to me, that was an ouch. So I got my experience and I said, I'm sorry. I was rushing. I was in a hurry. I did not take the time to stop and see you. That was a training for me, and I notice whenever I'm rushing, this is when I get into a difficulty. If I return to my presence, my awareness of where am I to feed, where am I, what am I doing, and where am I going, I have an opportunity.

[06:38]

So in this midst of this awareness, assumptions, and actions, lately as I've been walking around Green Gulch, I've been really intrigued with trees. And I've been thinking of the trees as a metaphor for my life and for our practice. And the trees, these amazing trees, are held up by these and supported by these roots. And these roots connect with other trees. And in redwoods, actually, what happens is they are very shallow roots and they help each other stand up. How I'm understanding these roots right now and what I'm studying with Tien Chit Roshi is the precepts. These precepts lead to our actions in the world. And this amazing trunk, these glorious trees, the trunk is my body. my body in the world, and my presence. And how about the branches?

[07:42]

The many things that we do in our life, in our daily life, our work practice, our engagement, our conversations, are these many branches, and they're supported by the roots. When we get back to Zazen and sit down in our awareness, we have a chance to grow these roots that come up through this body, and then We get these branches, these ways of being and flowering and fruiting in the world. Lately, I've been, in terms of this awareness, assumptions, and actions, I've been working a lot with pain. And the pain body, returning to the root of just stopping, pausing, And breathing, finding my place before I take the next step, allows me to find what will be my right action in the next moment.

[08:54]

So this... this story of whatever will be, will be, we don't know the future. The question is, am I willing, are we willing, to step into curiosity? Am I willing to step into I don't know? And with what will I step into that I don't know? What is it that's going to support me? Is it not harboring ill will? Is it not taking what is not given? Can I pause and understand what will be the appropriate response? Can I understand what it is that will be the most helpful? What is it that's in my awareness of who's in front of me? What's happening? What's being requested?

[10:00]

Can I stop? What am I assuming? What will I do? In recent times, again, I was moving too fast. And I made an assumption about a relationship that I had with someone. And I took a chance and stepped over a boundary. And the feedback was intense. And now I have to go back and look, what was my conditioning that came up in that assumption? And now how will I move forward? With what energy, with what respect will I move forward to meet this person and again try to reconnect in a conversation?

[11:06]

Awareness. Assumption. Action. Those are my three A's for tonight. Awareness. Zazen. Mindfulness. Presence. Assumptions. Precepts that support my life. Taking my time. listening listening to you to the birds to the earth with care what will be my next step will it be an appropriate response will i learn from my good judgment from my meeting the moment will i learn from my missteps Breathing in, not dwelling in body-mind.

[12:26]

Breathing out, not attached to the myriad circumstances. Breathing in, the Zen master says, where are you going? say on pilgrimage I'm going through my day I'm going through my life what is the purpose of pilgrimage I don't know but what will be the appropriate response he says not knowing that's the case not knowing is the most intimate we don't know but we bet our life my life on caring and in understanding my conditioning and moving forward. So what I'm noticing right now in terms of my awareness is that was a very rocky beginning for me, not knowing if I was going to be able to speak with you, not knowing where we were going to go.

[13:45]

Was this going to work? Would I find some comfort in this pain body so that I could sit still and meet you? I don't know. But I sat right here in the middle of not knowing and waiting to see what would arrive. I'm trusting my instinct. I'm trusting my intuition. I'm trusting you. I'm trusting you. to stay in conversation, not only with me and with each other, but with yourself. When I sit in Zazen, okay, here we come confession. I'm having a conversation with myself. I'm meeting myself. Conversation happens with one, two, three, or many.

[14:46]

Awareness, conversation. Awareness, assumptions. Conversation with myself. Next step. I think for tonight, because I'm feeling a little like... that I'd like to have you join me in a conversation, if you're willing. I'd like to understand... From you, where have your assumptions led you? How are you working with them? Where has this wonderful experience we've had with Paul Haller on the Satipatthana Sutta led us? One of the words that Paul has used over the years that completely works for me is, how is this registering? Can you let this register?

[15:48]

What is registering for you? What is registering for me? If I'm in my awareness, I can check and see what is registering, what am I assuming, and what will I do? Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[16:36]

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