Thank you for your patience with me saying the same thing over and over. This is a drawing of a circle. There's circles and then there's drawings of circles. As I mentioned before, different people practicing in Zen meditation halls

[01:17]

each one seems to have somewhat of a different practice and then also different one person also on different days might have a different practice which they might say various things about so different practices I've heard about One, for example, I've heard some people are practicing mindfulness of their posture. I do that a lot myself. I sort of have to. If I don't, I have so much pain that I really can't go on. But if I practice mindfulness of my body, I can sit pretty... Yeah, I can sit in that mindfulness... And it's not particularly... I can tolerate the pain and the pleasure.

[02:21]

It's quite actually sometimes really joyful to sit in the middle of the flames of having a human body. But I have to make quite a bit of effort to find that upright posture. which is pretty joyful in the middle of the flames. So I have a very nice body which is on fire and it burns me if I'm not mindful. So I practice mindfulness and posture quite a bit. That's a personal practice, you might say. I've heard that... Other Zen practitioners also practice mindfulness of body. And also I've heard over in Tibet, a lot of people practice mindfulness of posture. Mindfulness of posture when they're meditating. And in China, in India, the Buddha recommended a direct path to nirvana as mindfulness of body.

[03:31]

Have you heard about that? In that there's a scripture that's called the Satipatthana Sutta, where he says the direct path to nirvana is mindfulness, these four foundations of mindfulness. The first one is mindfulness of body. Mindfulness of body is first mindfulness of posture. So you know about that, right? I mean, you've heard about that, right? You know a little bit about that. So other people here, I think, are also practicing mindfulness of posture. Anybody else practicing mindfulness of posture? One, two, three... More than two. Mindfulness of posture is one of the personal practices recommended by the Buddha and practiced in this meditation hall. Also, some people are practicing mindfulness walking around, right?

[04:33]

Outside the Zendo? I do. Some of you? And some people, I even remind you of that sometimes. So that's one of the practices. Another practice which is recommended in that same scripture is mindfulness of breathing. I won't ask you. Anyway, a lot of people practice mindfulness of breathing. Then there is mindfulness of, for example, some people in Zen... practice mindfulness of Mu. They sit in meditation and they go. They think Mu. Mu. Mu. They think Mu. Which relates to a koan called the Mu koan where the Zen master

[05:40]

is asked by a monk, does a dog have Buddha nature? And he says, moo. Actually, Chinese, he says, woo, woo. Which means, you know, no, or there isn't any. So it's a traditional meditation in a number of Zen assemblies is to meditate on that story. And the sort of the Dharma eye of the story is moo. So you go, moo. Some meditation halls, maybe you heard about them, everybody in the room is saying out loud, moo, moo. They do it out loud like that. You heard about that? Now you have. They do it loudly. And they get enlightened for doing it. I don't know if the teacher's in the room when they're doing this, but... And some people at Zen Center have done that, I think.

[06:43]

One of my Dharma sisters from years ago, during Sashin, she was going... She was following her breathing. She said, breathe quietly through your nose, right? She was breathing loudly through her nose. I said, could you breathe more quietly? But it helps me remember my breath when I breathe loudly. And if you say mu out loud, you might remember that you're saying it. That's another thing that sometimes a personal practice in Zen temples. Mu. Mu. Another practice in Buddhist temples is to recite the mantra for Avalokiteshvara. Om Manipadmayum in Tibetan.

[07:53]

It sounds good. Om Manipadmayum. Om Manipadmayum. Om Manipadmayum. It's over in Tibet now. India, a lot of Tibetans are walking around right now going om mani padme um, om mani padme um, sitting in meditation hall going om mani padme um. So it's another practice, personal practice that people do of being mindful of mantras. The Buddhist scholar Edward Kansa noted that the Tibetan monks sit in meditation with mindfulness of that mantra, with the aspiration that with this mantra, Avalokiteshvara will come into their body.

[08:55]

It's kind of an invitation. So be careful if you happen to try it. You might get inhabited by none other than Avalokiteshvara bodhisattva mahasatva, the great reliever of suffering. Even if you pay homage up there, be careful. Well, that's another personal practice that some people do in Buddhist monasteries, Edward Konza said. He said, so the Tibetan monks do that. But he says the Soto Zen monks do the same thing by reciting silence. He didn't say reciting, I said reciting. They use silence to invite Avalokiteshvara. So if you're in a Soto Zen monastery and you sit still and you're quiet, Avalokiteshvara understands that you've just made an invitation. So be careful.

[10:00]

If you're silent and still, Avalokiteshvara is going to come and get you. So you've heard about some of these practices already, right? Then there's also mindfulness of other teachings. You could call it mindfulness of, D with a circle around it, Dharma. Mindfulness of Dharma. People sit in meditation and they're mindful of Dharma. they think of the Dharma, they think of the Lotus Sutra. Like Dogen Senji when he was dying, what did he do? He thought of the Lotus Sutra. He meditated on the Lotus Sutra as he was dying. He was mindful of the Lotus Sutra and particularly he was mindful of chapter of the lotus sutra so the room he died in was called lotus sutra hermitage because that's the practice he was doing he was doing the practice of being mindful of the lotus sutra which is a lotus sutra practice so the lotus sutra teaches it would really be good for the world if you would be mindful of this sutra

[11:27]

And in chapter 20 it says, wherever someone recites the Lotus Sutra, at that place, Shakyamuni Buddha is born. So the Lotus Sutra says, if you would just say Lotus Sutra, at that place you say it, like I just said Lotus Sutra, the Lotus Sutra says, at the place I just said Lotus Sutra, Shakyamuni Buddha was born. Left home. the way taught the Dharma and entered nirvana all that stuff happens at the place where someone recites the sutra so our ancestor Dogen recited that chapter to enact the birth of the whole life of Buddha at the place he was reciting is that like amazing to anybody to me I was like wow

[12:30]

Anyway, that's what they say about this Zen master. That's what he was doing personally. He was thinking that. He was saying that. With his mind, he was thinking it. With his voice, he was saying it. With his body, he was enacting it. He's walking around, I think, a pillar maybe, where the characters were inscribed. And he was sick. He was sick. So I'm just going to go on a little longer because the list of practices that are done, the personal practices, are endless. But just a few others, I'm not going to write them down. Mindfulness of planning. Some people are planning up in the meditation hall. That's their practice.

[13:32]

They go up there and they plan away and they enjoy it. Don't you? They enjoy it and it's kind of practical. Get your whole day worked out, your whole week worked out, get the whole practice period worked out, all set. And then tomorrow, again. Just, you know, some modifications, adjusting to time. You don't have to plan the day that's gone anymore. You can move on. My Dharma brother used to plan the buildings of Tassajara. He used to sit up there and imagine the buildings that he was going to build and which he did build. Yeah, he would envision the buildings. That was a big part of his meditation. Some other people are imagining other things like you know They're meditating on their relationships with people here or they're meditating on the skunks or the deer.

[14:41]

So this goes on. Endless personal efforts are being made in the meditation hall. Okay? Some of them people hesitate to call Zazen. I don't know if it's okay to call Zazen planning. Well, it is what you're doing in the Zazen hall. One more important one is people are mindful of loving kindness. If I am mindful of loving kindness when I'm sitting, is that allowed in a Zen? in a zendo I said well I allow it some zen people might not but don't tell them just tell me so these are a few examples of personal effort which some people may or may not call zazen and I think if you want to call some of this stuff zazen I also say

[16:03]

I pray that the Great Assembly will remember stillness. Remembering stillness, I pray that you're mindful of stillness. So mindfulness of stillness, I would hope that we are remembering that and receiving that and taking care of that and transmitting that. Because mindfulness is, I mean, stillness is where all the Buddha activity is going on. So it's nice to bring... remember the context of stillness I pray that we remember it so but then and this is like a person can remember such thing a person and it can be a personal thought a personal wish which you do with your mind and your body and in a way with your voice These are like people zazens.

[17:06]

These are zazens of the people. And then there's this other kind of zazen which is called Buddha's zazen. It's the zazen practice of Buddhas. It's Buddha's practice. So the other point which I'm saying over and over again is that the Buddhas are practicing together with each and every person did I say that before the Buddhas are practicing together with each and every person I don't know who said that first but anyway the Buddha is the Buddhas all the Buddhas all of them not just a Buddha, all the Buddhas are practicing together with each and all beings.

[18:09]

And all Buddhas of three times. And as Dogen Zenji says, if you have trouble understanding this, just think about what's the practice of a Buddha? Well, the practice of a Buddha is to practice with each and every person. So because that's their practice, they practice with everybody. if it's not practiced with everybody including Donald Trump then it's not Buddha's practice so whatever your personal zazen is all the Buddhas are practicing with you so zazen can also be for us is that we can do our personal efforts mindful of my posture I can do that and I will probably will continue and I'm also mindful of Buddhist practice which is practicing together with all of you so I can remember I'm working on my posture

[19:31]

Actually, I'm working also on your posture. I'm working on my posture. And from working on my posture, I'm practicing together with all of you. I remember I'm practicing together with you. And I remember I'm practicing together, you're practicing together with me. I'm remembering Buddhist practice while I'm also doing my practice. My practice is remember that I'm that I'm practicing Buddhist practice my practice is to remember Buddhist practice so I have in a way two practices Buddhist practice and my practice and also they're the same thing they're not two different practices the individual and the universal are one thing one practice and I remember that And I also make personal effort.

[20:32]

Another one early members of our community, she practiced here in the city center and then she went away from the city center a long time. She started coming back for seshines. And one time she said to me, I finally realized why we're instructed to keep our eyes open. She said, it's to remember why we're practicing. Because when you open your eyes, you see there's other people in the room. You're practicing for them. And they're practicing, and she didn't say, and then you also see why they're practicing. They're practicing for me. For us. Somebody said to me recently, I can kind of see that you are putting your arms around this whole community and this whole community is putting its arms around you, the person said. I said, wow, yeah, that's right. That's what's going on.

[21:39]

But there's also what's going on between you and [...] you. You're all putting your arms around the whole community and the whole community is putting its arms around you. And so you let somebody be dharma-flag teachers so you can see, oh yeah, he... he or she is putting their arms around the whole community. Wow. And the whole community is like supporting that person to do that job. Wow. So you can kind of like see it. And by seeing it, maybe you can also realize that even when you can't see it, it's still true. So you may not be able to see how everybody's putting their arms around this person and she's putting her arms around everybody. But even though you can't see it, maybe you can understand it must be so. And one more thing, not one more thing, another thing is if you do personal practice, the ones I listed here are certainly great.

[22:45]

Even mindfulness of planning is great. But when you remember the practice of a Buddha while you're doing your personal practice, And when you remember that teaching about the way the Buddha's practiced, and then if you would accept it, then this thing called Bodhisattva Va will arise in you. Then the mind of enlightenment will arise in you. Even though you're doing a personal practice, because you accept it, everybody's included, this wish to attain Buddhahood will arise in you. through the communion between your personal practice and the teaching that other people are included in your personal practice and accepting it in that face-to-face transmission, this bodhisattva vow, the mind of enlightenment is not exactly the same as the bodhisattva vows.

[23:58]

The bodhisattva vows protect and develop the mind of enlightenment, which aspires to Buddhahood for the welfare of all beings. So you can do this practice, and many Zen students do these practices, and they have not yet accepted how everybody is included in their practice, and bodhisattva vow has not arisen, mind of enlightenment has not arisen. When this communion between the Buddha's practice and my own practice starts to happen, then in that communication, in that transmission, this mind of enlightenment arises. And then bodhisattva vows arise to protect and develop it. And it continues to do the personal practices, but they're now being done in the context of this bodhi mind. I just had this thought, personally, that it's a little more work

[25:00]

at a certain phase to do your own personal efforts and also to remember the Buddhist practice. It's a little more work than just doing your own. Does that make sense, somewhat? I got my own practice, you know, that's enough. I barely can do my own planning. I can barely do my own hating. You know, in my own pitying myself and complaining and loving-kindness meditation, that's enough. Don't ask me to remember Buddhist practice, too. I hear you. May I adjust your neck, please? See what I mean? So in a way, it seems like a little bit more work to take on Buddhist practice alongside of, or inside of, or all around. your own personal practice. It does seem a little bit more effort.

[26:05]

But actually, it is more effort. It's a more complete effort. But also, remembering Buddhist practice makes it possible for you to make more effort. Because when you remember Buddhist practice, you realize you're not doing this personal practice by yourself. The Buddhas are there supporting you. All beings are there to support you. And this relationship is called the Buddha mind seal. I drew a circle. The word seal, mudra, means also circle. So the quality of Buddha's practice is that Buddha's practice is helping you do yours and you're doing yours helps the Buddha. cool down here I'm I'm okay this is this is enough coolness back here and if anybody over there wants some coolness you you can open doors over there too if you want but back here is nice and cool

[27:26]

Some of you have copies of this. Here's some more copies. Do you have a copy? No. Do you? Did you share it with her? Okay, here's some more. So the the Zazen of Buddhas is the pivotal activity of all Buddhas and pivotal activity that compound pivotal activity can also be translated as essential or necessary activity and as I mentioned before it also sometimes people translate it as be all and end all.

[29:04]

So the Buddha's activity is this activity with others. It's Buddha's interacting with all beings and all beings interacting with Buddha. That's Buddha's basic life. And our basic life is Buddha's activity. Buddha's activity is our basic life Our basic life is Buddha's activity. How we're helping each other, imperceptibly assisting each other. How we're imperceptibly, inconceivably resonating with everybody else's practice and how our practice is according throughout all time with all beings. That's the Buddha's pivotal activity which in this strange school is called Zaza. And today I would suggest that we just start with Dogen Zenji's poem.

[30:21]

Chronologically the Chinese master Hongzhi's poem is first. And it was the model for Dogen's engine. And so he named his poem the same thing. And the first two lines of his poem are the same first two lines of his Chinese grand uncle. The pivotal activity of all Buddhas, the active pivot of all the ancestors. these mindfulness practices and also all mindlessness practices all distracted minds and all concentrated minds all distracted and conscious all distracted and mindful consciousnesses are consciousnesses where there's a sense of somebody there

[31:24]

Is there sometimes a watakshi in your consciousness? Watashi. Watashi? Do you have a watashi in your consciousness sometimes? Watashi is sometimes in hero's consciousness. How about you? Sometimes? Yeah. For most of you, not very often. And then for the Germans, I-C-H. You got that in your consciousness? Yeah. And so on. What do you have in Spanish? Yo. So consciousnesses have words like this in them and a feeling like there's an I or a watashi. around here someplace.

[32:50]

And it's kind of like over here. There's also me. Also. What's me in Japanese? Same. Same. Yeah. Me, I. OK. That's consciousness. And these previous examples of we're talking about personal practice, those personal practices sometimes are occurring in consciousness and there's a sense with those practices that there's an I present in the neighborhood of those practices. And also the activities that are going on in consciousness are sometimes called as it generally and the basic definition of karma is intention or volition as a definition karma means activity and particularly it means the activity that's going on in the mind where there's a

[34:16]

a me or an I. Karma is not, according to my understanding, karma is not applied to the activities of unconscious cognitive process. So, as many of you know, I often use the image of the self-conscious self the consciousness where there's a self image of it as being a clearing in the middle of a dark forest. And the dark forest in which this clearing of consciousness is living is a forest of unconscious cognitive process and unconscious physical process are surrounding this clearing of consciousness.

[35:17]

the activities of the body and the unconscious cognitive process that are not coming from here, this consciousness, I would say are not karma. Karma is the activities occurring in consciousness and often in consciousness there's some confusion about the I, the self, And it seems like the self owns the activities. It owns the actions. And those types of actions are what we mean by karma. I often use an example like if the doctor taps your knee with a little hammer and your knee, like now it's not jumping, maybe I have to go like this. Anyway, when it does it, it will be involuntary, right?

[36:34]

Involuntary, not volitional. It won't be karma. It'll be a bodily function that's not karma. In consciousness, there are all these personal efforts and they have some association, some relationship with a self. So you might say, my mindfulness practice. But you also, or it might be said, there is mindfulness going on here. I'm around and there's mindfulness going on. And there's happiness that there's mindfulness going on. Or you can say, I'm happy that I'm mindful. Those are all okay. But actually, you know, it's also perfectly fine just to be aware I'm here and Catalina rubs her face and there's mindfulness of breathing and I'm not controlling any of this but I'm here.

[37:41]

I'm responsible but I'm here. But I'm not doing being here. being here is given to me. The self does not put itself into consciousness. Consciousness arises with the self, with the I. Now, after the first two lines, it says, the next two lines say, manifested? Did you say manifested? What? Manifest? Manifest as? Non-thinking. Yeah, I think I would... Okay. Alright, I'm okay with manifest as not thinking.

[38:44]

I'm okay with that. I would also be okay with... manifest with nothing. That word manifest is the gen of genjo koan. Gen of Genja Koan. Gen. Kind of like this, right? Is that pretty good? You okay with that character? Gen. It means manifest. It means now. It means present. And then the next line says what?

[40:03]

Complete. And that character is the Joe of Genjo. The Joe of Genjo. So what is present, by the way? What are we talking about? It is present. It doesn't say it. What's present with or as thinking? What's present? Huh? Yeah, what's present is Buddhist practice. So, Buddhist practice is this pivotal activity which I've been talking about. Now, when you're thinking, it's present. Because Buddha practices with you when you're thinking. That make sense? If when you're thinking, how you're thinking.

[41:10]

Oh, I should. Oh, let's just start with that. It's present with your thinking. Now, it says not thinking, but I'm saying it's present with your thinking. Now, if you weren't thinking, let's say you weren't. It's possible. there's times when you're not conscious. It's still there. It's still present. If you're unconscious, like you're in deep sleep, Buddha's pivotal activity is present. So, Buddha's pivotal activity is not the thinking that you're doing. It's kind of not the thinking. presence of Buddhist practice isn't these different practices but with these practices are the practices of all beings so no matter what you're doing including not even thinking not even doing anything no karma Buddha's pivotal activity is present with your not doing anything if you are thinking

[42:34]

Whatever kind of karma you are doing, which its definition is volition, and also thinking, whatever kind of karma you are doing, Buddhist practice is present. Say again? If there is karmic activity going on, again the definition of karma is intention, volition but also thinking. The Chinese use this character This character is used for the Sanskrit, Chaitana.

[43:44]

So the Buddha's definition, when Buddha's teachings were translated into Sanskrit, the Buddha said, karma is Chaitana. Karma means action, but its definition is Chaitana. And Chaitana means the overall activity of consciousness at a given moment. which is called volition, intention, or thinking. Like if I'm thinking about you being a really nice person and that's because I'm so nice to you, that's thinking, that's karma. That's the definition of the karma at the moment. When I'm thinking like that, the pivotal activity of the Buddhist is present with my thinking. I just thought, that's really an ugly character. The Buddha's pivotal activity is present with that thought, with that thinking.

[44:48]

Now, if I was in deep sleep, so there's no thinking going on in consciousness, consciousness is basically not really functioning, I'm still alive, I'm still living with the Buddhas, and the Buddhas are living with me. So if the mind doesn't have any thinking, if it's not thinking, it's present with that. If it does have thinking, it's present with that. It's present with that. And it's manifesting with that. But you could also say that this invisible, inconceivable Buddha mind is kind of like manifesting as your mind. as your mind. Okay. Now I see some hands raised. I'm ready. It seems like there's a lot of thinking that's not volitional, not intentional.

[45:59]

The word volitional in this case means whatever consciousness you have, whatever shape it has, That's the volition of that consciousness. But some forms of volition, there's basically three types of volition, wholesome, unwholesome, and neutral. Neutral volition, you can't really see where it's going or what it wants or anything. So still, whatever kind of consciousness you have, whatever the pattern is, even if you can't distinguish where it's going or what it seems to want to do, that's sort of indefinable, ambiguous. volition of the moment but there's always some shape to your consciousness and that's that's the volition it doesn't seem like I am in 10 minutes that I am trying to control it or making choices around it you could at any given moment there could be like a wholesome plan on the board and wholesome intention and you could opt out of that being yours you could say it's there but I'm not doing it

[47:07]

When you see it that way, you're maybe getting close to understanding the relationship between the sense of I and the thinking. There's dream states. Things pop up. It's just kind of happening very unconsciously. I'm just aware. Or not aware. Either in so-called dream, in other words, the consciousness when you're asleep, There could be a sense of stuff going on and there could be a sense, I'm not doing this. I'm here, but I'm not running the show. There could be that in dream, sleeping dream or waking dream, either one. And maybe one of the nice things about dreams, can you hear me back there? One of the nice things about dreams is that maybe sometimes this new perspective

[48:09]

on you and what's going on might happen because you're maybe more relaxed but in fact it is really possible to understand that in the place where I'm living I'm not actually controlling what's going on here this is kind of like an insight usually you know we haven't done extensive survey but I've heard from a lot of beings and including people that used to have my name, that they think there's a sense of I own the thinking that's going on. It's my thinking. I'm doing it. But there's moments where it's kind of like it's going on and I'm just present. It's not mine. I'm not doing it. This is like a little listening up of grasping of the self. But there's still some pattern there. And I can or I can usually feel like I'm in control of it or I'm trying to control it.

[49:12]

I'm having a little trouble. It's getting away from me. I've almost got it. No, I've got it back. There's that kind of struggle going on for most people it seems. But it doesn't have to. And part of mindfulness of that scene, part of being mindful of, we have mindfulness of breathing, mindfulness of body. Another mindfulness is mindfulness of these mental dharmas. One of the advantages of the fourth foundation of mindfulness is you get some insight into new possible relationships between the sense of self and the mental activity. That it doesn't have to be that I own it, I control it, I lost control of it. It doesn't have to be that. Mindfulness can open up new possibilities of freedom without tampering with the process. Just getting new insights. Yes. Buddha's activity, face-to-face transmission, would you say it's the same as consciousness itself? I don't mean consciousness in a psychological sense.

[50:15]

I don't mean mental activity, just that which is conscious, awareness itself. Consciousness. Not consciousness, okay? Consciousness is really not consciousness. So if you want to say consciousness itself, well, consciousness itself is really not consciousness. The way consciousness is actually really not consciousness, the way consciousness is really totally ambiguous, that's kind of like Buddha's wisdom. So the way consciousness really is, namely being not consciousness, that's Buddha's wisdom. Yeah, if I live longer, I will.

[51:17]

Okay, so now back to this text. We have thinking and not thinking. Zazen is not thinking. Zazen is not not thinking. Zazen is not consciousness. not human consciousness it's not not consciousness it's not your body it's not not your body it's a pivotal activity of consciousness and thinking Zazen is thinking not thinking Zazen is consciousness not consciousness Sazen is me, not me. Yes? I didn't mean human consciousness.

[52:20]

I meant awareness. Yeah, I'm on the little campaign to not use consciousness that way. And I may not make much impact in this world, but I'm going to say it anyway. I'm using consciousness for where there's a self. I'm using unconscious cognitive process for where there's cognitive activity going on and most of the cognitive activity of living beings is unconscious it's much faster and by and large like quite effective but it has it's susceptible to all kinds of stupidity too I call that unconscious cognitive process so one mind is consciousness One kind, another mind is unconscious cognitive process. And another mind I call Buddha mind. I don't call Buddha consciousness because I don't want to use the same word for where there's a self. Buddha doesn't, Buddha's mind doesn't have a self or not have a self.

[53:26]

Buddha's mind is not what it is, right? It's self, not self. That's Buddha's mind. Buddha's mind is the pivotal activity of self and not self. Buddha mind is the pivotal activity of all things. It's a mind. It's a cognition. It's an awareness. But I don't want to call it a consciousness because I want to use consciousness for this very familiar workshop model of our life which I call consciousness where I'm present. So that's why I'm using it. And I do not have all the scientists and scholars lined up with me, but I got a lot of good ones lined up with me. A lot of really good ones say consciousness is where there's a self. But not all of them. Some of them are just not going with the program. So I'm not going to win this battle. This program is not going to dominate.

[54:28]

Just like Buddhism is not going to take over the whole country. It's just a contribution. And I'm saying... How about, let's use the word consciousness for where there's a self. When self comes to mind, it's consciousness. Where there's a mind without a self, it's either Buddha's wisdom or unconscious cognitive process. I'm suggesting that. Yes? In your program, do you fit subconscious activity, sort of things that might be operating that aren't quite like bodily reflexes, but we're not necessarily conscious of in consciousness? Consciousness or unconscious? Unconscious. Unconscious. Yeah. It's like maybe that's like a feeling of being hurt that's underneath anger or something that we're not necessarily aware of in the moment. Or a feeling that you have to go to the toilet that has not come into consciousness yet, but it's, you know, your body's feeling this need and also the body's been told that

[55:34]

by the unconscious and conscious, hold on. So it says, okay. Or rather, and then the unconscious says, there's a need to go to the toilet here, but this person's talking to this other person, and I don't know if I can get a word in edgewise, but if they give me a chance, I'm going to say, it's time to go to the toilet. But I haven't been heard yet. But meantime, it's trying to be heard and the consciousness is pushing it away because it's working on something really important, it thinks. And it doesn't know it. And it's being irritated. And what it's working on it feels really irritated about because it's putting all this energy into ignoring this message. And it's really stressed and doesn't know why. And then suddenly it realizes, oh, I can't concentrate on this because I'm being asked to do something which I've been ignoring. Then now it's being recognized. So the dark forest is around our consciousness all the time and everything that appears in consciousness is something that comes out of the dark forest.

[56:39]

The sense of self is coming out of the dark forest. The dark forest understands language but is not talking. It makes possible language and it makes possible conversation and it recognizes sentences and understands them, but it can't talk. The consciousness is where the talking occurs. But when the consciousness has talking, the unconscious can notice that there was a mistake and send consciousness a message. You just made a mistake. You said the wrong word. The consciousness didn't notice it. The unconsciousness heard it, realized the sentence didn't make sense, sent a message up. Oh, that's not what I meant. Before I take more questions, I just want to say Zazen is not thinking. Buddha Zazen is not thinking.

[57:42]

It's not not thinking, but it's present with your thinking. No matter what your thinking is, no matter how cute it is or ugly it is, the pivotal activity is present. It's being now with what you're doing. But it's not what you're doing. It's presence with what you're doing and it's the presence with what everybody's doing and it's present when you're not thinking too. So it's not thinking, it's not not thinking, it's present with whatever is going on. And then the other one is The next line I'll get to some another day. Okay, the next line. Okay, so let's see. Who is next? I see you and who else is over here? Somebody over here.

[58:44]

Okay. Now I'm going to do the responding to the questions. And this conversation, also I just want to say to you that this conversation will be the pivotal activity of all Buddhas. And this conversation in itself will be intimate. Intimacy in itself, intimacy of itself, doesn't have a self. Because it's not one side or the other. Question from Emily. throughout the day that seem to me to be more the subconscious that I'm not intending those are maybe you're saying those are part of the unconsciousness and so it's not part of karma even like to me they seem quite conditioned but maybe where karma comes in is that's enough for now just a second the things that come into your mind that you have the

[59:57]

Insight to notice you didn't intend for that thought to come. That's a moment of insight. Because nothing that appears in your consciousness is coming because of your intention. Now, you may wish and intend to have wholesome thoughts, but when the wholesome thought comes, you might be able to see, I'm happy that that's... wholesome thought came I was wishing for it for months and here it comes but actually when it came I could see I didn't intend it at that moment it was a gift and I would say it's a gift from the unconscious and it probably comes in relationship with the fact that you've been wishing for this wholesome thought for you know eons and that wish has had the effect of transforming your unconscious process to deliver you now the wholesome thought which you've been wanting.

[60:58]

But we do not, from consciousness, directly make what comes up in consciousness appear. It comes from the unconscious. But the unconscious is the result of past wishes and so on, past intentions. So I intend to think wholesomely. I intend to think wholesomely. That transforms the unconscious. If I intend to think unwholesomely, that transforms the unconscious. When things appear and I realize I wanted that to come, but I didn't make it come. It's a gift from my body and mind, which I've been cultivating for some time. So now I'm getting these really nice gifts coming home. Like I'm thinking how wonderful people are and how worthy of compassion they are. I just like, I keep getting told, yeah, be compassionate or be compassionate or the message keeps coming. How wonderful that I'm getting these great instructions from my body and mind, which I've been cultivating by thinking about how good it would be if I'd had such thoughts.

[62:07]

So I thought that because the unconscious mind is conditioned based off of experiences, But that is our karma. It's the result. The unconscious is the result of karma, of your karma, and other people's karma. So the unconscious processes which surround our consciousness are due to our own lineage of personal karma and also the karma of other people and also Buddha's dharma being sent to us. All that's in the forest. But it is mostly or it is greatly or massively the results of my karma and your karma. That's what's in the unconscious process. And it is surrounding the consciousness and it's giving the consciousness gifts all the time of things.

[63:15]

It's even giving the consciousness a sense of self. And it's giving it all the activities that are going on, all the feelings, all the intentions, are gifts from the unconscious. And then the way they're related to transforms the unconscious, which then gives more consciousness with its contents. Yes. Also in that... One second. And... In that moment of that thing popping up there, Buddha is there with you. So it seems to me that there's sometimes when I'm sitting and I have, I sat down and I said, oh, I'm going to follow my breath. And then it doesn't feel volitional, just like we were talking about all of a sudden I,

[64:17]

I'm planning and then there's a sort of moment where I become conscious of oh I'm planning and then in that moment it feels like there's kind of a conscious there's something in me I don't know what to call it that feels like there's a choice now like there is some volition because I realize that I'm thinking now I feel like oh I can make a choice whether I'm going to continue to plan or if I'm going to do something else So would that be kind of the conscious mind then making a choice? What's happening in that moment? Well, you just sort of told a little story there, and now I'm going to tell a little story. And as a basic principle of listening to stories, the unconscious...

[65:18]

processes can understand stories and the unconscious cognitive processes are generally prone to get into the contents of the story and the unconscious cognitive processes are not so much into criticizing the story they supply the stories into consciousness They understand the stories in terms of their linguistic structure, but they basically just give these things and have no criticism of them. And they're prone to encourage getting into the story. Conscious processes have something that the unconscious doesn't really have so much. It has the ability to doubt the story. So there are powers in the unconscious, I mean in the conscious,

[66:19]

which nicely supplement the unconscious the unconscious is a very high percentage of time really coming up with the right thing like it tells you how to walk up and down stairs once you learn how and before you learn how it helps you not try to go up and down too fast it's really mostly a tremendous service to our life but it also is limited It's very uncritical. And I'll get more into its problems later. But the conscious mind has the ability to critique the story that's appearing. However, the conscious mind is also kind of lazy. Because critiquing stories is a lot of work. So it's easier for the conscious mind just to endorse the story.

[67:21]

It doesn't take much energy to say, okay, boom. So I would say that the thought, the thought, there's a choice here. That thought is coming from the unconscious process. Things are going along and then suddenly the unconscious rightly maybe, maybe rightly, sees an opportunity for a choice and it sends a message to consciousness, there's a choice here. Now the unconscious can endorse that and say, yes there is, which is really easy, or it can say, it can question the reliability of that message. And it can study the reliability of the message, this is an opportunity for a choice. And it can actually, it's a lot of work, but it can actually come up with, it's not, there isn't really a choice here.

[68:31]

Or yes, there is, and here are the choices, and then it can look at the stories of how the choices can be made, and it can critique them. It's a lot of work, though, but I would encourage it. And... In some sense, the I would encourage it just came from the unconscious. But the conscious does not, like I've often told you about the story, my kind of great story of being really, I was Abbot of Zen Center, I was sitting in that meditation hall, and I noticed my mind was quite turbulent. Did you hear that story? Do you remember that story? I was sitting in that meditation hall and my mind was turbulent. And I was embarrassed because I thought, well, the abbot's mind should be more calm. But the abbot's mind, I think, was holding on to something.

[69:35]

And what he was holding on to was various ways. He was holding on to what he thought was the best way to resurface the founder's hole. So I was being consulted about resurfacing the founder's wall. The mud was falling off the wall because it was put on according to a Japanese recipe. But it's too dry here for that recipe to work, so it was drying and cracking and falling off. And there were some different scenarios about how to repair the wall, and I had come to settle on one of them too much. I got too much feeling like this is the best way. And as a result, my mind became turbulent and it carried into the zendo. And I was sitting there watching this turbulent mind. My unconscious gave me this turbulent mind. I didn't consciously say, okay, let's have a turbulent mind, please. But I was aware, this is a turbulent mind.

[70:39]

Wow. How embarrassing. I'm supposed to be the teacher here. This is not good. This is like out of the sutra books. And I kind of knew what was contributing to this turbulence. And into my consciousness came the words, clearly observe. I did not say, get those words in here. They just came in. Clearly observe. They could have come before, but they didn't. And they came, and as soon as they came, I was completely calm, instantly. It was really amazing. I didn't calm it. I didn't make the instruction come. I just heard the instruction, and I totally welcomed it, and I wasn't in control of welcoming it. Somebody might have been sitting there and clearly observed, come up, and they say, get out of here.

[71:39]

That's stupid. This isn't the time for clearly observing. I didn't. I just sit in there, embarrassing, clearly observed. And I let go of this scenario. I still thought it was the best way to do it. And it turned out to be the way it was done. But I let go of it. My opinion didn't evaporate. I still had the same opinion. But there was no attachment to it. And the attachment dropped away with clearly observed. I've been happy ever since. But I didn't make that instruction come into my consciousness. That instruction came from Hong Zhur. No, no. It came from, yeah, it came from Hong Zhur. Quoting that story of the Buddha and Manjushri. Manjushri said that. Hong Zhur sent it to me. I read it over and over. It's in my unconscious.

[72:40]

Clearly observe it's in my unconscious and it's getting to be in yours too. Because you're listening to it over and over. If you listen to it as many times as I do it, it's going to pop up in your consciousness now and then. And it's going to, like, tranquilize you. Without you even doing anything, you're just sitting there. Ah, what a mess. Clearly observed. You didn't try to use something to calm down. Just the teaching came. And everything calmed down. The mind was pacified without using anything. But there was a cause that came in there, not a cause, it was a condition, clearly observing. So there can seem like there's a choice, and we should practice clearly observed with that. Does it help sometimes to bring the question, like, is this really true?

[73:42]

Yeah. That would be like bringing your critical faculties to the story. The story is, there seems to be a choice here. But again, you didn't consciously bring that up. It was given to you. But you should take care of it. Be compassionate to it and then analyze the validity, the reliability of this statement. Yeah. Is that true? Is that true is not really a statement. kind of is. Is that true? It's kind of a statement like maybe we should do a little critique of this statement. It's kind of a statement, questionings are. And you might, yeah, and then that would lead you to maybe find out that yes, there is a question, there is an opportunity here for a decision. And now let's critique the decision-making process. Yes.

[74:49]

So you're throwing around the word mind like a lot and consciousness a lot. And I just can't help to keep thinking about the enlightenment story of the second ancestor who says, you know, like Bodhidharma, please, you know, pacify my mind. Bodhidharma says, you know, show me your mind and I will pacify it. Bodhidharma says, I can't, I can't find it. Bodhidharma says, look, I pacified it. yeah that's what I've just been talking about your mind's turbulent maybe ask the teacher would you please calm the turbulence the teacher says bring it to me you go and look for it and you don't find it your mind you're clearly observing and you're clearly observing you don't find it but maybe in this story you don't realize that not finding it you just pacified your mind Maybe you need a little help more. So then the unconscious gives you, Bodhidharma saying, it's pacified.

[75:55]

When you see that you can't find it, it's pacified. But maybe you need me to tell you that. So I'll tell you that. But as soon as you can't find your mind, it is pacified. When you see that you can't find your mind, you're clearly observing. when you see that you can find your mind you're not clearly observing and you're agitated any mind you can find in the finding of it you're agitated if you clearly observe you see oh this can't be found because this mind is not this mind which takes me back to this Can I deal with this? I'll do this tomorrow. I'll do this tomorrow.

[76:56]

So the kitchen can enjoy. What is this again? Think not thinking. When you clearly observe thinking, it's not thinking. When you clearly observe thinking, you can't find it. When you clearly observe agitated consciousness, you can't find it. what you find is not disturbed, not agitated consciousness, when you clearly observe, which sounds like not agitated. But when you clearly observe not agitated, you don't find that either. So then you have agitated. You say, well, I don't want that. But don't worry, it's not agitated. So, yeah, that story of Bodhidharma is the same as clearly observed, the mind is pacified. use clearly observe as a bat to knock the afflicted mind out of the consciousness.

[77:59]

Use it to let it be so fully that you realize it's not agitated. So maybe that's enough for today unless it's not. Yes? If there's such a thing as mindfulness of sleepiness Yeah, same with sleepiness. Yeah, exactly. So one of the practices that I didn't mention, it's a long list, right? But another practice is mindfulness of sleepiness. So the four foundations of mindfulness, body, which is for us mostly mindfulness of posture and breathing. There's other aspects. Next one, mindfulness of feeling. Pain, pleasure mostly, and neutral. Then comes mindfulness of consciousness. And in this case, it means consciousness.

[79:00]

Consciousness of where I am. And where I am, sometimes the consciousness is sleepy. So what I'm practicing is mindfulness of feeling. Now, if I would switch from mindfulness of sleepiness to mindfulness of planning, I might get kind of, you know, might be more interesting. So I might wake up. Or planning of, you know, overthrowing the Tassar government. Those types of mindfulnesses are more exciting. But sometimes you're not doing any exciting things like that and you're just kind of sleepy. So what you're actually doing is you're mindful of being sleepy. That's your practice at that moment. You're feeling sleepy. You're mindful of it. And I'm saying, remember that when you're sleepy and you're practicing with your sleepiness, the Buddhas are practicing with you. They're not saying, well, he's sleepy.

[80:02]

I'm not going to practice with him. I'll practice with him. He's awake. I'll practice with him. No. The Buddhas are practicing with you when you're sleepy. And so you're trying to be mindful of your sleepiness. And you're also trying to remember Buddhas are practicing with me no matter how sleepy I get. And actually, if I go completely to sleep, the Buddhas don't back off. They're still practicing with people who are asleep. So when you go to sleep at night, the Buddhas are practicing with you. When you have dreams, they're practicing with you. When you have no dreams, they're practicing with you. When you wake up, they're practicing with you all the time. And so I'm saying, you have the opportunity to remember no matter what you're going through. no matter what kind of consciousness, Buddhas are practicing with you. Now, part of mindfulness is also, mindfulness is not, in order for mindfulness to operate optimally, it needs to operate together with compassion.

[81:03]

So, if I'm sleepy, generally speaking, if I'm sleepy and I'm compassionate towards my sleepiness, I'm less sleepy than if I am not compassionate with my sleepiness. Most people, I don't know how to take away most people, some people, like me, when they're sleepy and they fight being sleepy, then they go right to sleep. Because it takes a lot more energy to fight the sleepiness than to relax with it. However, if you relax with it, you might fall asleep. And if you're afraid of falling asleep, then you don't relax, so don't worry. You still might fall asleep, though. So if you fight the sleepiness, if you tense up, you might fall asleep. And if you relax with it, you might fall asleep. But it is possible to relax with your sleepiness and be careful with it and be patient with it and be generous with it and then while you're sleepy to enter a deep state of samadhi. And you're right on the edge of falling asleep but you're also completely present and completely awake with your sleepiness.

[82:14]

and you might go to sleep. And then this practice may continue into your sleep, which it will, because Buddhas don't go to sleep when you go to sleep. Because Buddhas aren't the Buddhas' consciousness. The Buddhas practices the wisdom. So there is such a thing as mindfulness of breathing, and it's good, because if you're mindful of breathing, then you can practice compassion with breathing. excuse me, mindfulness of sleepiness, then you can practice compassion with sleepiness. The same would do with anything. Yes. I kind of want to stop, but yes. You okay with stopping? No? Okay. Go ahead. Go ahead. I just wanted to. I'm not in control here. And neither are you. No matter what happens, I'm going to be suffering no matter what.

[83:25]

I always have suffering. The problem is, the challenge is accepting it. I'm working that. How about you? That's my suffering. a monk who doesn't see how Buddhas are practicing together with the monk? Well, I might say, well, how do you think they're practicing? So how do you think Buddhas are practicing? I might say to the monk. And I would listen to what he says. He could tell me, I think this person who doesn't believe this teaching might be actually in a... a great stand-up comedian. And they might think of all kinds of funny stories to tell about Buddha. You know, like, actually, Buddhas are only practicing together with New York Jews. Woody Allen might say that.

[84:32]

That's the funny thing about Buddhas. It just turns out that the only people they practice with is New York Jews. Everybody else they're basically not practicing with. They're just kind of like trying to keep them away. Or, you know... Buddhas only practice with me, nobody else. All the Buddhas are just for me. Or Buddhas practice with everybody but me. They could tell me their story. If they don't think Buddhas practice is to practice with everyone, I would like to hear what they think it is. And then I would try to use my conscious mind to analyze the reliability of their story. And I would try to get them to look at it with me. Well, I'd say, well, what do you understand? And then we'd tell me what they understand, and then we might find that they can't find any understanding. Wake up. Did you hear that?

[85:34]

See? See? Yeah, great. So anyway, he says, what if they don't understand what Buddha is? I would ask them to tell me what they do understand. So then they'd say, well, I don't understand Buddha, but I do understand X, so we can work with that. And then if they can't find X, then I would say, you just found Buddha. Because Buddha isn't something on its own. So if they find something that they think is on their own, and then we can look at that and see... There isn't anything there on there just from Buddha. I feel like I want to get it and I just can't get it. You know, I just can't get it. Right now. Buddha Zazen, Buddha Mind Seal, all the words are just like... You want to get them? Kind of.

[86:35]

Yeah. Sort of. I mean, a little bit. I mean... A little bit of you wants to get it? It just doesn't feel good to feel like empty-headed. I'm like, oh, I'm like going in a circle. I'm trying to follow right through these millions of buddhas. Empty-headed. That's kind of related. It reminds me of being sleepy. Empty-headed, sleepy, suffering. Okay, so do you know what to do? It's the feeling of empty-headed. What do you do with that? Yeah. If you're compassionate with empty-headed, the doors of wisdom will open. For sure. If you're compassionate to sleepiness, if you're compassionate to any of these practices, the doors to wisdom will open.

[87:37]

And somebody is saying to you, you're going to open to the Buddha mind seal. You're going to open to how Buddhas have been practicing with you while you were not understanding what Buddha was. Buddha isn't like, come back to me when you understand what Buddha is. No. While you don't understand, Buddhas are practicing with you. When you do understand, Buddhas are practicing with you. And when you do understand, then Buddhas can maybe come and ask you to prove it. But before you understand, they're not going to ask you to prove that you don't understand. But they still might ask you some questions about not understanding. But you're not even going to listen to them if you're not kind to your own situation. If you're kind to your own situation, you're going to start opening to the instruction of the Buddhas. So if you're a little bit kind... you're opening the door a little bit.

[88:38]

If you're wholeheartedly kind, you're opening the door widely. And you're going to get all kinds of help understanding your life. And you can perhaps tell when you're being half-hearted about accepting your suffering, right? Sometimes you're kind of like, I actually do not want this. I'm not welcoming this suffering. I do not accept this suffering. Sometimes you're like that, right? No way, get out of here, right? And sometimes, well, okay, you can be here for a little while. And sometimes you feel like, you know, you can be here forever. I'm your friend. Totally okay. I'm not trying to get rid of you. No, you can feel that, right? That you can move in that direction. And then the doors start opening. And you're going to understand everything, just the way You're going to. You're going to. You're going to.

[89:40]

Understand. But between now and there, you have to open up to the suffering. And we're working with you to help you do that, and you're working with us to help us do that. If we really accept this suffering, we will understand Buddha. If we really understand it means if we're really open to it, then we'll understand it. Are you helping him as well? That will come with it, yeah. Part of the understanding will be, for example, you might say, I finally completely opened and I completely accepted suffering. How wonderful. Oh, and now I see everybody helped me. So when you start opening, you might think it's all, you know, you're doing it all by yourself. Oh, it's so hard for me to open all the suffering. But then when you do, you realize, oh, actually, I didn't do it by myself. Everybody helped me. But sometimes it goes the other way. Sometimes you're trying to open to suffering. And then someone comes up to you and says, you know, you're not really open yet.

[90:42]

Can I help you? And you say, what are you going to do? And you say, I'm going to actually open your heart up now. Are you ready? I'm not sure. Or another time, you say, okay. And they go, and you say, thank you. Then you realize we need other people to open our heart. We thought we were open. And then somebody says, oh, great. Can I help you? I think maybe I can help you with this. You say, okay. And they come and they open it. You say, oh, now I see. Oh, yeah. I wasn't open to that. Thank you. So either you see other people who are helping you, or when you do open, you'll see that they helped you.

[91:43]

Because we're not going to fully accept suffering by ourself. Just like me, I told you this story, right? I had this operation, which I said, okay. I thought, well, if I don't have it, I'm not going to be able to walk again because I've got a broken leg. So I had the operation. Then afterwards I find out now that I have this body, every single thing I do is a big deal and I can't do many, many things I'm not allowed to do. I'm so fragile I can barely move or do anything. Plus, I'm in a hospital and people in the hospital are constantly coming to me to make sure I'm not dead. It's really, you know, So, you know, I was having trouble accepting the suffering. And plus my neighbor's suffering, too.

[92:45]

The hospital people are hassling them also. So here I am, and I'm kind of like, I'm not sure I really want to fully accept this suffering. Like, I've had a good life. I'll just die now. This is really a super... fragile situation it requires so much compassion I don't know if I can if it's worth it but then I realized everybody's like this they don't know it they're running all over the place you know thinking that they're not this fragile but anyway I saw everybody's like this so although if it's just for me it's I don't care about it but if it's for everybody okay so I stayed and I kept working. But other people helped me open to my assignment. I could see that I wouldn't have been able to.

[93:46]

I would have kept fussing and resisting if it weren't for other people. But when I saw that, other people helped me. Come on, do your job. Do your job of not being able to do anything. Okay. All right. Thank you. So I'm continuing to try to fully accept all this suffering and to sit here in the middle of all these flames of life with your help, like somebody sees. All these people in this bad spirit are helping you fully accept suffering. And you're helping them by fully accepting your suffering. And if I don't fully accept my suffering, kind of like makes it harder for you so and so on and if you don't it actually helps me so go ahead and resist and place

[95:03]

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