This podcast is offered by San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. This is my grounding moment when I find myself with all of you. One presence, one breath, one body. Together we bring forward this talk and this life. So I'm grateful for your presence. Thank you for being here today. So I thought I would start today by sharing with you all some good news about a situation that could have had a pretty bad outcome. Many of you might know that Zen Center and particularly Tassajara have been engaged with a major forest fire for the last two and a half months or so.

[01:01]

And for those of you who don't know, Tassajara is our monastery down in the Ventana Wilderness. It's about nine miles due east of Big Sur. And it takes a long way to get in there, a long dirt road, about an hour long dirt road, very rustic, very isolated, and very beautiful. And the area is prone to wildfires because that is the nature of California landscape. It is designed to burn. So the fire is called Saberenas Fire, and it started on July 22nd by, unfortunately, an illegal campfire. Someone wasn't attending to their fire. And it spread, and it spread very quickly initially, very fast. And at one point, there were over 5,000 fire personnel working this fire at a time. and so far has burned approximately 206 miles.

[02:05]

That's over 132,000 acres, including a large swath of the Bentana Wilderness and including parts of the wilderness that were burned in the other major fire, the 2008 Basin Complex fire, which was almost twice as large as this fire. 57 homes have been lost, and one fire personnel was killed. in engaging the fire. And it's estimated that this wildfire has become the most expensive fire in U.S. history to engage with. It's cost over $235 million due to illegal, unattended campfire. So as Zen Center and Tassajara has done in the past, whenever threatened by a wildfire, because that's something that happens fairly frequently in that area, as I said, we put a lot of effort into preparations and being ready to meet the fire when it came to our monastery gate.

[03:13]

And so we ended our guest season at the beginning of August, about six weeks ago. and we evacuated the guests, and then we also evacuated a number of students, some of them who came up here to city center and took refuge here. And also a number of students, the number varies, but around a core group of 30 stayed there at the monastery to prepare. And the fire preparations included cutting fire line, clearing brush, cleaning, creating defensible space through using our training techniques that we've learned from the fire professionals. We also have now a permanent system called Dharma Rain, which is a sprinkler system on just about all the buildings that we can turn on, turn of a switch as needed. And the students also did a lot of training. day-to-day training on how to engage with fire.

[04:16]

So the whole minds and bodies were turning to preparation for this major life-threatening event and trying to learn how do we meet this as safely as we can, as responsibly and safely as we can. And we also received a lot of help from fire professionals, and we've been very grateful for that help, including both supplies and helping with preparation cutting fire lines and other activities. And the students that were remaining were well trained, and we were very well prepared for the fire. And then we waited for the fire to arrive. And we waited days, and then weeks, and then months. However, now it seems that the fire is not going to come. So in the last couple of weeks, the fire professionals have changed their strategy and got an upper hand on the fire and been able to contain it a lot more using different techniques, one of them being fire retardant, that they've used giant planes to kind of paint, if you will, the forest in certain areas to keep the fire from spreading.

[05:33]

And so that's been very successful. And at this point, as far as I understand, the fire is basically what they're calling 98% contained. So there's a few hotspots in the area, but in terms of the fire parameter at which Tassajara is kind of in the middle of the box, if you will, the fire itself is basically contained. So this is, of course, very good news. And fire has been more or less stopped, and Tassajara is safe, although cautious, because it still could flare up again. find its way back to life and come to Tassajara. But in the meantime, Tassajara is preparing to start its 90-day practice period, which was actually postponed for three weeks in order to deal with the fire circumstances. So students are now returning, getting ready, and the practice period will officially start on the 15th of this month.

[06:36]

That's wonderful news. So, however, many of the students at Tassajar, particularly who were there during the fire preparation, are now faced with what is a fundamental training adage in Zen. And that adage is, make your best effort without being attached to a particular goal or outcome to show for all your effort. So make your best effort without being attached to a particular goal or outcome to show for all your effort. So understandably, these students who have been there all this time, making all this effort under particular duress, you know, have kind of expressed a variety of responses to this rather anticlimactic denouement or outcome. And, you know, it's kind of a mixture of both relief, good, we're safe, we're okay, and also kind of disappointment.

[07:43]

After all that effort, you're like, come on, I'm ready, come on, you know, let's show you what we've got, right? And suddenly it's like, oh, okay, fine, you know. And some of the students have expressed they're not quite sure what to make of the whole experience, you know. And how many have left with the question of What was it all about? That whole two, two and a half months, all that activity, what was it about now? Especially when you're, again, faced with a life-threatening event, you make all this effort and suddenly it falls away. What was all that effort about? So we know something significant happened during that time, although the students may not be sure how to define it or express it at this point. So how do we make sense of everything that occurred in our lives previously when the framework that gave our activities meaning is no longer applicable or valid?

[08:53]

What does that say about our effort? What does that say about who we were then and who we are now? So perhaps the teaching here is that the fire you expect may not be the fire that comes. And the fire that comes may not be the fire you expect. Life is like this. Always throwing us surprises. Always undermining what we think is going to happen. frustrating us around how we think things should be, instead giving us something entirely different to work with. How we respond to what actually happens is a major practice for us.

[10:04]

As a matter of fact, it's a clue and a kind of direct correlation to how much we suffer. If we resist how things have come to be, for example, complaining about how much effort we put into it turning out a certain way, what we might think is the right way often, then we're going to suffer. So the moment we resist what is, or I should say the amount that we resist what is, is the amount we suffer. Resistance equals suffering. So we foolishly think that we can manipulate, if you will, the immensity of life.

[11:08]

Imagine what a hubris. What a hubris. Perhaps it's better not to ask, when will the fire come? Because the fire is already here. The only fire for which you really need to be preparing is the fire, is the conflagration of the present moment. Life itself is a massive fire, demanding your attention and unfailing immediate presence. The real fire is always right here, always immediately upon us, burning with a largeness and an immensity that is unfathomable.

[12:13]

and we will never be able to contain it, never be able to manage it, to get it under control, to put it in a box and say, done. This fire is persistently reminding us with a relentless urgency to live our lives completely, right here, right now. There is no other life for you to live or lose. This is it. And the fire upon us now is always calling us to be present, to pay attention, to stay attentive and focused. and not to deny the immensity of impermanence, which is fierce, relentless, and undeniable.

[13:26]

Last month I had the honor of officiating at my dear friend Lee Lips Cremation Ceremony. Lee was 78 years old, and she had, for the last year, been engaging with the fires of cancer, including breast cancer, lung cancer, and brain cancer. And besides being a friend to many, Lee was also a respected psychotherapist, a Dharma teacher, a racial justice and inclusivity advocate, and an inspiration to many who knew her. In fact, tomorrow there will be a life celebration for Li. She didn't want a formal memorial. She said, I want you all to have fun, to celebrate none of this sober, somber stuff. Have a party for me. So we're having a party for Li. I think one of the most striking moments for me during the cremation ceremony was chanting the Heart Sutra as we watched her body

[14:40]

enter into the flames of the retort. The teaching of emptiness and impermanence, of the formlessness that is the nature of ever-changing form, was so vivid in that moment. With her body in the midst of the flames, we chanted the following. Given emptiness, there is no form, no sensation, no perception, no formation, no consciousness, no eyes, no ears, no nose, no tongue, no body, no mind, no sight, no sound, no smell, no taste, no touch, no object of mind, no realm of sight, no realm of mind consciousness, neither ignorance nor extinction of ignorance, neither old age and death, nor extinction of old age and death, no suffering, no cause, no cessation, no path, no knowledge and no attainment.

[15:44]

With nothing to attain, a bodhisattva relies on prajna paramita and thus the mind is without hindrance. Without hindrance, there is no fear. Far beyond all inverted or confused views, one realizes nirvana, or complete awakening. So in that moment, as we chanted the Heart Sutra, I imagined that I felt her release, the release from the human pain body, most recently wracked with age and cancer, a release into something beyond the limiting views and conditions. The Heart Sutra ends with the words, gone, gone, gone beyond.

[16:49]

How inconceivable. So what is this thing called life and death? What is the self that we think is alive one moment and gone the next? What is it to see through this concept of a self? To no longer identify with our conditioned and permanent bodies and to know that we are something vast and boundless, ultimately beyond what can be known or understood. So these two recent events, the soberaness fire threatening Tassajara and observing Lee's cremation, have brought to mind for me a Zen story that has been one of my favorites and which I thought I would share with you today.

[17:54]

And this story is about the importance of nurturing the fire of a burning question. Even when you think that you have tasted the truth, of who you are, and have some degree of understanding of the Buddha Dharma. So, this story is the form of a koan, a former Zen ancestor, Ehi Dogen, and it can be found in a number of different places, including the Dogen's extensive records, and the Blue Cliff records, and particularly in the Faustical, Vendo Ho, or Wholehearted Practice. And so the main characters of this story are Zen master Boyan Shwanza and his teacher Fayang. And Fayang was a famous Zen master in the Tang dynasty. And he was one of those who started one of the five schools of Zen.

[18:58]

And the scene here is that Shwanza, the student, if you will, has been living at the temple of Fayang for about three years. And, you know, it's because he has an affinity with the teacher. He likes the teacher's particular teaching and approach and style. And he's been living there three years, and he's also been acting as a temple director of sorts. So one day, Fai Yang approached Shwanzaa and said, how many years have you been here? Shwanzaa replied, I have already been in the teacher's assembly for three years. Fai Yang said, well, You are a student, so why don't you ever ask me about Dharma? In other words, why haven't you ever come to see me in Dokkasan or practice interview? That would be the respectful, you know, typical training process that we do. Shwanza said, Well, I dare not deceive the teacher.

[20:03]

When I was at Cheng Feng's place, his former teacher, I realized peace was and joy. In other words, he realized his true nature. And therefore, he had this idea that he didn't have to come to see the teacher anymore to ask about any Dharma questions he might have. So Fai Yang asked, well, very well then. Through which words were you able to enter? And Schwanzer responded, I asked Cheng Feng, what is is the self of the student. Meaning, what is my true self? What is the true self of the student or the Zen practitioner? And teacher Chang Fang answered, the fire boy comes seeking fire. So Fayan said, good words. Only, I'm afraid that you do not understand them.

[21:07]

And Schwanza, slightly perturbed, explained, well, the fire boy belongs to fire. Already fire, but still seeking fire is just like being self and still seeking the self. Fayong exclaimed, well, I really know that you did not understand. If Buddhadharma was like this, it would not have lasted until today. In other words, that's a rather half-baked understanding. Schwanza, the text says, overwrought, jumped up and left. And so out on the path, he thought, well, Fayang is the guiding teacher of 500 people. He's pointing out my error must have some good reason. So he returned to Fayang. returned to Fayan's place and did prostrations to the teacher in repentance. Fayan then said to him, you should ask the question again.

[22:16]

So Schwanzer asked, what is the self of the student? Fayan replied, the fire boy comes seeking fire. And at that, as happens in many Zen stories, Schwanzer was enlightened. So let me ask you this. What is it that brought you here today? What is it that you're seeking? Whether you're here for the first time, or you've been coming here for decades, Or maybe you're a student here right now and you're kind of coming out of kind of mostly obligation to the practice schedule because you've been told you're supposed to follow it. So think back initially or now.

[23:19]

Was there a burning question or inquiry or problem that you came here to have resolved so you could experience some sense of peace and joy? burning question that brought me here was, how do I learn to be that presence which I yearned for when I was growing up that was complete, compassionate, and all steadfast, always steadfast? I wanted to be that presence, to experience that, to live in that way. So if you've been here for a while, Have you tasted or maybe encountered that which you have been seeking? Have you had any significant insights since you've arrived or started practice?

[24:24]

And if so, what then? Why are you still here? What is the energy or the inquiry enlivening your practice? Regardless of what compels your practice now, the truth is, until reality is clearly seen, as it is, there will be no lasting peace or joy or happiness. So we must find out what is real. Who are we? And what is life at its core? And we're encouraged by our teachers and by the teachings to keep at it, to going further and further until we find it, until we find out what is most true for us.

[25:27]

But the challenge for many of us is that we don't know how to seek. For many of us, seeking is just another form of grasping or attainment, accomplishing something. And often the seeking is done through kind of a restless, outward view, focusing on external conditions, trying to get certain things like status or enough material things or power or money or beauty or some semblance of romantic love. And does that satisfy you ultimately? That kind of seeking is not the kind of seeking that's advocated in Zen. The way of seeking we are encouraged to engage in is to seek within.

[26:33]

And the form of inquiry this takes in Zen is primarily zazen. Silent, still, observant, sitting meditation. Being exactly your life in this moment, now, with no resistance. returning to the koan. Now, traditionally in a monastery, the fire boy was the person who would go around lighting the lamps, carrying fire and seeking fire in the sense of making sure there wasn't any fire that was out of control. And the Japanese term for this particular person or position translates as fire apprentice. And for those of you who have visited Tassajara in the past when we used to have kerosene lanterns on the outdoor pathways and actually in the cabins, anyone been to Tassajara when we used to have kerosene?

[27:46]

A few of you? Yeah? So we had a position at the time called Jikido and also Firewatch. So this fire apprentice position here, it's kind of a combination of those two. The one who lights up the lamps... And then later on, the one who turns them off and makes sure that there is no fire left over, still burning. So let's turn this cone over a bit and see what's happening here. It's interesting to know that Fai Yan gave Xuanzha the exact same response that his teacher, Cheng Feng, gave him. So what were the causes and conditions in this case for Schwanza's turnaround? Turning his mind-body to a deeper realization the second time around. What's essential here is to understand Schwanza's change of attitude.

[28:51]

Now, we see that perhaps he had true insight three years earlier. a true understanding that his teacher verified and acknowledged, even if it was a bit dry, perhaps. But then what happened after that initial understanding? What kept him for such a long time, three years, without continuing to inquire into his life, into the Dharma? It seems that in some ways maybe he sat back on his laurels, if you will, thinking that, you know, with some sense of accomplishment. I don't need to do more. I've got it. I've reached all it is that I need to know. And so, believing that his understanding was deep and wide enough, he didn't pursue his initial inquiry that brought him to practice. He didn't maintain the seeking energy and attitude that's so important.

[29:55]

So you could say that his attitude of, I know, after his initial insight became a problem. So it's a stumbling block whenever we hold on to some particular insight or understanding in such a way that we're unwilling to recognize that something is missing from our understanding. As the Genjo Koan says, when the Dharma fills your body and mind, you realize that something is missing. There's always space to discover more, to listen, to open, to find a new way to respond to the call of reality or to the Dharma. So we need to attend to cultivating an aspiration and a willingness to study the Dharma and keep studying what is this life? Who am I?

[30:58]

And this spirit of endless inquiry is the spirit that underlies our lifelong practice. May your questioning never cease in a certain sense. There's another side of that. May it completely cease, but I won't go into that today. So while intellectual understanding... understanding the books and the teachings from an intellectual perspective is helpful. If we get too wrapped in a bit, if we get too caught in that type of understanding, then it actually creates a separation between self and other. So we don't want to get stuck there. So we can see here in this koan, Shwanzaa was not open to his teacher, to the abbot. in the sense of receiving the ways in which the abbot could point out to him the places he still was not seeing clearly.

[32:05]

So Fayang, being a very skilled teacher, said, well, okay, sure, I see you've had some insight, and maybe you didn't quite get it. Are you willing to entertain that? But Shwanzaa, you know, offended, Storms out, muttering, stupid teacher, what does he know? Thinking I don't know anything. I'll tell him, I'll show him, I'm out of here, I know enough. But, you know, something happens on the path. He doesn't get too far. He realizes, huh, maybe I should reconsider here. And this guy, he's the teacher of hundreds, hundreds of students. Five hundred, it says in the case, other places it says a thousand. The guy's got to know something, right? So maybe should we consider here? Listen. So what was it that, in the student, that allowed him to let go of his clinging? To humble himself, not only to return, but to return and offer frustrations.

[33:12]

He came back and bowed in repentance. Repentance means to feel sorrow for one's actions. So he bowed down with his head to the ground. He humbled himself. Humble means, basically, to being close to the ground, to be grounded. And the stance of humility is one in which we don't even assume we can really explain because words are never going to reach it. Words won't grasp it. They won't be able to truly express it. the largest of what it is that's coming through us in every moment. So Shwanza surrenders. He surrenders to the mind of not knowing and opens himself up. So now it's interesting to note that there's another koan that involves the teacher, Fayan, that I think is applicable here.

[34:17]

And in this story, Fayang was on pilgrimage, and he had lost his way in the snowstorm. And he came upon a monastery. And this was Dizong's monastery. So Dizong greets him and asks, Fayang, where are you going? And Fayang responds, around on pilgrimage. And so Dizong asks, well, what is the purpose of pilgrimage? To which Fayang responds, I don't know. Dizan then concludes by saying, not knowing is most intimate. Sometimes that's translated as not knowing is nearest. Not knowing is already there. You have arrived and you don't know. Now, this fire story with Schwanza, however, is about the knowing side, the intellectual side, the conceptual side, how it gets in the way. it's not until he's ready to give up knowing that his mind becomes fertile for the next turning, as we say in Zen, to seeing more deeply.

[35:28]

Not knowing is the true nature of the fire child. Within not knowing, possibility exists. It's alive, relational, interactive, completely arising at one with that which it seeks. It's aflame with reality, you might say, with dependent co-arising. So, seeing his new openness, the teacher Fai Yang invites Shwanzaa to ask the initial turning question again. What is the self of the student? And with a beginner's mind this time, from a posture of humility, from a true place of seeking, truly asking, truly being free of self-grasping, of not having to look good or be smart or clever or get it right in some way.

[36:39]

You know? Schwanza makes his inquiry. completely open and ready for whatever response comes forward. And Fayang offers him a response in return that fully mirrors and meets Schwanz's own nature-seeking nature. The fire boy seeks fire. The fire child seeks fire. His Buddha nature seeks fire. Buddha nature. That which seeks to see and realize itself completely. To fully illuminate itself and to burn with suchness through and through. And with these turning words, Schwanza wakes up to the truth. He is enlightened. that the essence of our practice is turning away from the mind of confusion and duality, the conceptual mind.

[37:55]

Turning away from whatever it is that creates separation. And a bodhisattva, the one that practices for the benefit of all being, lives on that line. Working the edges of self-clinging and grasping, to encourage oneself and others to let go, to widen, to release, to not know, to be in this space of not knowing as much as possible. So our practice of turning away from confusion and turning back towards silence, returning over and over again to silence. returning over and over again, if you will, to big mind, to our original mind, just to abide as direct awareness with no agenda, no expectation, no desired outcome, to be present itself, fully awake presence.

[39:11]

As Dogen says, to turn the light inward. And by doing so, stop being distracted by external conditions and accomplishments. Truth isn't out there. You know the truth by going inward, and by going inward, that turns out, if you will. You don't need to go into the universe to know it. We need to go into the universe in this way to know it. And so in our practice, we gather the heart-mind through a commitment to the precepts and to living by vow. These are the parameters. These are our fire training techniques, if you will. And we should turn the light inward to first look at the small self, to look at this chattering mind, the little grasping one that's always trying to hold on and control. I always think of it as Oz behind the curtain,

[40:15]

I'm controlling it all. Be afraid. Pull the curtain aside. Look inward at that one. See who's really there. See how you're being fooled by a concept of an inherent existently self. And then, once you get through that and see through that one, allow allowing awareness to shine through it, if you will. You note that this receptive naan to awareness has always been here. Our self, our Buddha nature, awareness itself, has always been here. And that is what we truly are. Spacious, borderless, open illumination.

[41:17]

Can you experience that by being with the experience you're having in this moment, with no sense of separation? So you could say that being alive, being human, is in some way an emergency, which is why in Zen we often encourage each other to practice as if our head is on fire. This is literally a life and death matter. Everything is burning, as the Buddha noted in one of his first talks called the Fire Sermon, which I don't have time to go into today, but it's a wonderful sermon. He says, everything is burning with greed, hate, and delusion. with the forms of grasping that try to stop the flow, the relentless flow of impermanence.

[42:21]

The truth is that everything is burning away because nature itself, its nature of everything, is empty, ungraspable and evanescent. And so with patience, determination, kindness, It's our job to clearly see how this burning is unfolding, how it works in our lives. One of the things that this fire koan and a koan in general typically evokes is the reality of our lives as an endless exchange of, or a practice, if you will, of call and response. And call and response means that we open up to what the world is asking us to pay attention to in this moment. A request comes forward from any number of directions, in any number of forms, and we might have any number of responses.

[43:34]

And it's not a matter of knowing the perfect response in advance. It's not a matter of getting the response right, doing it right. It's a matter of staying open, listening deeply, attending to the request of your life, and doing our best to meet it wholeheartedly. As Paul often asks, what is practice asking of you in this moment? What is your life asking asking of you in this moment. So I'd like to close with a poem. And yes, this is a Mary Oliver poem. Which is a joke for many who have been here often. We should have a Mary Oliver statue right next to the Buddha, I think.

[44:39]

This poem is, the title is, What is There Beyond Knowing? What is there beyond knowing that keeps calling to me? I can't turn in any direction, but it's there. I don't mean the leaves grip and shine, or even the thrush's silk song, but the far-off fires, for example. of the stars, heaven slowly turning theater of light, or the wind playful with its breath, or time that's always rushing forward or standing still, in the same way, in the same, what shall I say, moment. What I know I could put into a pack as if it were bread and cheese and carried on one shoulder.

[45:45]

Important and honorable, but so small. While everything else continues, unexplained and unexplainable. How wonderful it is to follow a thought quietly to its logical end. I have done this a few times. But mostly, I just stand in the dark field, in the middle of the world, breathing in and out. Life so far doesn't have any other name but breath and light, wind and rain and fire. If there's a temple, I haven't found it yet. I simply go on drifting in the heaven of the grass and the weeds.

[46:54]

May you all continue to burn brightly. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge. And this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we all fully enjoy the Dharma.

[47:29]

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