This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning everyone. Can you hear me okay? So welcome, welcome to all of you, and welcome to me. It's really nice to be here at what I think of as City Center, even though we are all together this week, which has been quite lovely. As Koto said, I'm over at Green Gulch Farm, and I've always appreciated my trips to City Center, including this one.

[01:02]

So it's nice to be here, and especially it's sweet today and has been sweet these past days to share this seat with my Dharma sister, Nancy. Thank you, Nancy. So since Wednesday night, we've been having what I think could be best termed a love fest. There has been a love fest happening at San Francisco Zen Center. The more familiar, maybe, Japanese term is sesshin, which means to gather our hearts and minds. So in this case, we've gathered our hearts and minds for a love fest. And people from all over the Sangha, people at home in different places, as many of you are today, each in our own spot, together by each being in our own spot.

[02:11]

So wherever we are at home, or those in-residence at City Center joining from there, and those in-residence here at Green Gulch also sitting sometimes together in the Zendo and sometimes here in our own spaces as we meet online. So today, I also want to welcome and appreciate that we're joined on this third day of our sitting by a wave of support in these folks arriving for the one-day sitting. So welcome to you. Welcome to the Love Fest. You may have signed up for Sashin, but you are now arrived at the Love Fest. If you can bear it, please join us.

[03:13]

Please bear with us in this Sashin Love Fest. And thank you for coming. And to those of you here today who are not here for the seshin or for the one-day sitting, and who may not have known that such a love fest seshin was even taking place, you are also totally included, again, if you can bear it, to be in this love fest seshin celebration. of heart. You are very welcome. And thank you for taking the time. I know that your small mind knows that there are better things you could be doing. And yet, letting something else bring us to this seat and the part that knows there's nothing better that I could be doing.

[04:16]

letting our practicing heart bring us here. So we often begin, Sashin, by talking about those characters, Sashin, gathering the mind. And so for this love fest, I thought I would explore the characters of love fest. So I looked up the word love fest, and a love fest is an event or interaction characterized by mutual appreciation, affinity, or affection, especially when regarded as excessive or inappropriate. So an event characterized by mutual appreciation, affinity, or affection, especially when regarded as excessive or inappropriate. over the top.

[05:18]

So this is my experience of sitting together with Nancy and you all. An excess, an excess of love, excessive love in this love fest. And some have wondered, myself included, whether it's a little inappropriate, actually, for so much love to be flowing through such a serious zen place so we're stretching we're questioning we're finding uh how much love can this place can this practice take so we're stretching our hearts really each of us in ourselves finding how much can our hearts stretch sometimes we're amazed and sometimes we're well amazed at how great we're amazed at how little I'm wondering, is this excessive?

[06:21]

Is this inappropriate for the heart to open so wide? So my experience of this Sashin is of seeing and feeling how completely this warm heart of practice can be embraced, just letting it overflow with loving-kindness and compassion and rejoicing in one another and in life itself, to see how completely can that flow forth without losing, without being carried away, without losing the utter stillness and silence, that deep, quiet center, that calls so many of us to practice.

[07:23]

So how exuberant, how excessive can the love be before breaking or knocking over that still silent center? What I've been feeling in exercising my heart, and she said, these are heart practices, practicing the heart. So as I exercise, this heart, reconnecting with this tender, loving capacity. I'm feeling that supports the stillness and silence. It's not other than the stillness and silence. The stillness and silence are supporting, are nourishing this opening, and overflowing heart. It's not something we do or something we make, but something now and then with our good intention to practice in this way, something we stumble upon now and then by some grace.

[08:43]

So in this exploration of the stillness and silence, and this excessive love and feeling something of the bodhisattva's vow, this wisdom and compassion coming together or already being one, deep stillness and overflowing love as perhaps the posture of our sitting practice and our walking in the world as bodhisattvas. So I'm really grateful to Nancy for inviting me to this sishin with her and for this idea to allow ourselves to lean in, allow ourselves to turn this teaching of love. And we've been structuring loosely our inquiry and the sishin with the Buddhist framework, the Buddhist teaching of the Brahma Viharas.

[09:59]

the four divine abodes, those very best places to live, the four faces of love, metta, karuna, mudita, upekka. So many of you know these. And for all of us, maybe it bears repeating. So very briefly, metta, is loving-kindness, tenderness, friendliness, goodwill. It's this basically warm-hearted posture. Karuna is compassion. It's that deep regard for the suffering of others, and ourselves, all the parts of ourselves, steep regard, respect for connecting with suffering, being with and truly including the cries of the world, the cries in ourself, the suffering of life, and then the natural extending out in support or companionship.

[11:27]

And then mudita is the joy, rejoicing, happiness, taking joy in ourselves and joy in others, joy in being, and joy in practice. And upekka is equanimity or universality. Upekka is the non-discrimination or the evenness. that runs through all of these. Upeka is the opening or the extending of this love. I think of it, Upeka, as the pivot from that most natural feeling. May my baby boy be happy and well, free from all suffering now and forever. Upeka is the pivot that takes that most natural feeling and brings it into that most unfamiliar feeling, which is may every single being, every single being from the kindest sage to the meanest egotist be happy and well, free from all suffering now and forever.

[12:46]

So upeka is the extender, the opener. It's the universal in universal compassion. That's how I'm seeing it. today at least. So as we're sitting in zazen for most of today and yesterday and the day before, I've been holding these heart aspects as posture elements. Posture is something that then students are often attentive to, ready to attend to, responsive to. So that language for me has been helpful. I know that I need to take care of my posture. And so what's the posture of the heart? What are the heart posture points to check as I sit in addition to the body? So the posture point of metta is this warm heart.

[13:51]

So as a posture question, a posture check as I sit, Is my heart warm? Is there any warmth here? Is there warmth towards myself, towards each thought and feeling and sensation, towards any thought or feeling or sensation, towards the movement and stillness and presence and light and sound around me? Is there a warm heart? So we've said a couple times now this week, quoted Suzuki Roshi saying, we put emphasis on warm heart, warm zazen. The warm feeling we have in our practice is enlightenment or Buddha's mercy, Buddha's mind. So we say warm heart as I sit here in meditation. As Izuti Roshi says, you know, you might be meditating without a warm heart, but it's lifeless.

[15:04]

It's just somebody else's instruction. It's only zazen when the warm heart is joined with it. Life breathed into zazen with this warm heart. Then karuna is compassion. Karuna is sharing the feeling. opening, connecting that posture point? Am I extending my presence as I sit here upright, caring for all the points of posture? Am I extending my presence into the space around me and allowing the people and things around me to extend themselves to me? Am I connecting, listening, being with? the others that are here with me right now? Or am I doing like, leave me alone.

[16:08]

Leave me alone, Zazen. Zazen in a bubble where I'm going deep in myself by cutting off from what's around me. So this posture question, am I sharing this feeling? Am I receptive to the feeling around me? Or am I sitting in a bubble? Leave me alone, Zazen. So Suzuki Roshi says, again, as we've shared, I came this morning without preparing anything to say, which, as Nancy said, is compassion. I came this morning without preparing anything to say, but I wanted to share the feeling we have right here, right now. Sharing the feeling right here, right now, is the fundamental or basic thing for Zen practice. Zen is, in a word, to share our feelings with people, with trees, and with mountains, wherever we are.

[17:13]

That is Zen practice. When we can really appreciate the feeling of the woods, that is Zazen. So to share our feeling... and to share in the feeling of all that's around us. This is deep listening, deeply connecting. This is the compassion element, open, connected posture. And then this heart posture point of moditta is the joy in this effort. Is there joy in the practice, not Have I achieved joy? Am I joyful enough? Have I gotten joy? But am I taking joy in the practice? Am I doing practice in a basically joyful way? This is the point of posture that's the medicine for the grin and clenching zen to which I devoted my youth.

[18:20]

Maybe you have that part in yourself, the grim clenching Zen part. So offering to that part this posture support called joyful. Is there some joy in the way we are practicing? It's so joyful to bring this kind of mind and heart to our life, even if it's painful. It's that joy to be able to practice and practicing in a way that's joyful to us. Again, not lifeless. I was like, well, someone told me to practice this way. But what's the way of practice that's joyful to me? So as I welcome my own suffering into this warm heart and with this compassion that welcomes and receives, can I welcome to my own basic joy? can the joy flow through just as the suffering does?

[19:24]

And as I welcome other suffering and extend to me and walk with it, can I welcome their joy too? This is the third heart posture point that we can check. And then there's upekka, which maybe we've talked the least about. Upekka has the sky-like heart, the oceanic heart. It's vast and all-inclusive. It's the part that asks, it's the posture question, the part that asks, is anything left out of this zazen? Is anything at all left out? Is anything at all inside or outside barred entry to this zazen or unwelcome in this heart? How about unclarity?

[20:27]

Is that welcome? How about hurt or grief or anger or disorientation or confusion or disconnected or ill will? You know, all these ways that spiritual folks are not supposed to feel. For me, at least, these are the parts that are not welcome. So this question, is everything welcome here? Is there anything that's not welcome here in this heart, in this sazen? And if so, you know, inviting with this question the heart to stretch just a little further to include that too. My understanding of our teaching is that enlightenment is not to stop being confused.

[21:30]

It's to thoroughly welcome being confused and hateful and hurt. So what's left out? That's that upeka question. And as I see this, I feel like, wow, it's getting so complicated. It sounds like piling on more and more instructions, and maybe it's like, well, am I supposed to be opening my heart or connecting or warming or extending? So it sounds like that when we talk about it. These aren't really for different instructions, and this isn't a complicated practice any more than sitting upright is complicated. We say just sit upright. It's the most simple thing. And then once we start talking about it, it starts to seem very complicated. Just a single body sitting upright is utterly simple.

[22:32]

But then some of you may have been in Zazen instruction this morning. And Zazen instruction can go on for hours. As we talk about, you know, we did this extra long Zazen instruction session. The more you do Zazen instruction, the more you realize how much you haven't covered you know, so we do an hour, so then we do two hours as an instruction, but then the two hours, so we have to do a half day. It's endless, you know, all of these points of posture. But these details aren't making something more complicated. It's not adding extra things. So if it feels daunting to manage all of these points, it's not like that. It's one single thing. It's the heart opening, the warm heart opening, allowing, as it opens, it warms all the sufferings allowed and permeates.

[23:41]

And of course we extend with compassion when we feel that. And the joy absorbs and flows in. And of course we rejoice in our own and others. And then it extends because it spills out of the boundaries. So it's just one open heart. And then sound starts to sound complicated when we talk about it. It's one being with four faces. It's a powerful image of this single being with four faces. It's not a complicated being. It just has four faces. They're all one. So when our small mind tries to manage this flow, tries to manage this love, our devoted small mind that's always there to help us in meditation, like, okay, we're going to do the breath. And then it starts to do the breath.

[24:43]

And now we hear about love. And so the small mind, you know, okay, we're going to do the love. And the small mind is trying to like manage this love, direct this practice. So if our small mind is trying to manage this love, we're sunk. The only thing that can manage this love is the big heart, the big mind. This deep task of loving ourselves and all things, this deep task can only be carried out by a deep caretaker. We can't give such important work. to this little mind. So our practice is to find that caretaker, that heart, that one who can do this immense practice. And the little mind keeps trying to help out and it's welcome, but it's not its job. So one of the main things I see that the big heart, big mind can do, that the small mind just can't, is extend this compassion.

[25:53]

And this mutual joy and this tender understanding to everything, upeka. The small mind has no clue how to do upeka. Or it has some clues, unfortunately, but they're all, you know, it's not the scent. They're not on the scent of upeka. So what the small mind knows is to evaluate and judge and rank. The small mind will tell us who's worthy and who's not worthy. what's worthy and what's not worthy to be in this love. So upekka is so important in this practice because without upekka, even if we have a great, sincere, authentic, friendly, warm, loving, joyful, compassionate feeling, it will be something that we're doling out and withholding according to the small mind. You know, you get one drop, you get one drop, you get two drops, you get no drops. This is what small mind will do with this authentic love that it finds and tries to manage.

[27:01]

So Nancy on Wednesday told an embarrassing story as she has before. In fact, as she has some frequency as we've deepened in this collaboration. So Nancy was celebrating this virtue of loving kindness and testifying. the power of simple kindness in a person's life that simple kindness often expressed just through presence listening a word so this story is a moment many years ago when I was kind to her when I was a good friend to her I think she tells the story in part or part of its function when I hear it is to remind me of some kindness in myself. Who's that, I wonder? So I'm grateful for her teaching.

[28:08]

So there was a moment that she shared of me offering a kind ear and a kind word many years ago. I was able to extend some simple and natural kindness. And what has been so obvious to me about the story, whenever I've heard it from Nancy, I don't think has been so obvious to Nancy. But it's obvious to me when she says it. So the way I see it, the only reason I treated Nancy with some simple natural kindness so many years ago is because I love Nancy. That's why I was nice to Nancy. Nancy was a big sister to me. She probably had no idea. how much I looked up to her and was awed by her practice and presence and life. So of course I was kind. So the metta, loving kindness, tender care, for me that so moved Nancy was real and its healing, helpful, supportive impact on her is totally real.

[29:19]

And to be appreciated and cherished as we deepen our faith in this power of kindness. I think he sent us, Nancy and I just clicked this song, I believe in the power of kindness. So this story is helping Nancy and me and maybe someone else believe in the power of kindness. But the part that's obscured in that story is that my metta was completely selective. My metta did not, and to this day does not, have upekka. This is the kindness that I extend to someone who I really like. So I don't say that to diminish the authenticity of that love and warmth. We celebrate this particular or limited or selective metta, loving kindness or compassion. In fact, we often do.

[30:21]

We do... Every day so far of the sashin, we've celebrated this limited kind when we call forth the mother and the child. We say, this loving kindness we're talking about, it's like a mother's love for her child. And this is the most ordinary and profound thing, the love for a child by someone who has that great love for a child. It's amazing that this kind of love exists in the world, all around us. It has been amazing to me lately, honestly. I go to school most days where my kids who are 6 and 10 go to school with their cute little masks for half of a day, two and a half hours a day. So I go to school to pick up my kids or drop them off. And honestly, I feel that I think that my love for my kids is so special.

[31:27]

I can't imagine. It's like there's no love like that. No one else could have. I mean, there has never been an instance of love like that. It's so hard to imagine anyone else feeling this way about anyone else. To imagine that like, wow, all of these people around me are feeling the same depth of love. And so I think it's very special what I feel. And then I go to school to pick up the kids or drop off the kids, and I see all of these other moms and dads, and it's just hard to fathom that they have that same depth. It can't be, you know, really? Do they love their kids as deeply as they love mine? And then I see them. I see them. I see the parents. I see the grandparents. I see the loved ones, the friends. I see the faces light, you know, in the same way that my face lights. And I see the kids' bodies, you know, open and respond the way my kids' bodies open and respond to that love.

[32:31]

And it's just so clear that this is the most ordinary and profound thing. And by ordinary, I don't mean... universal. I know that it's not universal. I know that there are too many parents and children who do not have that warm and loving bond. May I honor that? So what I mean isn't that this is universal, but just that it's ordinary. You know, we see such a thing and it's not exceptional. It's well known. It's not like Buddhists have it or sages have it or saints have it. It's just an experience that many of us know, maybe with our family or maybe with someone or something else. So it's these little instances of metta and karuna are very common, very common, totally ordinary to have this deep love.

[33:37]

What's extraordinary is this boundless extending of it to all beings. So we say, You know, even as a mother loves and cherishes her child, so with a boundless mind should we cherish all living things. That's extraordinary. The extending of that, all living things, suffusing love over the entire world, above, below, and all around, without limit. So upeka is the quality that takes this deep but selective love and makes it universal, allows everyone in how we find that, how we extend that.

[35:00]

And in this practice is by finding and practicing this big mind, this great heart that is free of the ideas and evaluations of the small mind. Not giving this love to the small mind to dole out. This big mind, this great heart that leaves nothing out, boundless. So one of the basic questions of our zaza and practice is, where is this great heart? What is the ground below my small mind? What part of myself, what part of the sitting could touch or express this universal, non-judgmental, all-inclusive love?

[36:22]

Where is that in my body? Maybe it's the belly, maybe it's the deep belly. the white heart? What is the place where this wisdom that understands thusness, this wisdom that understands that everything is, where does that meet with this compassion that embraces it all? Where is that part that can say, that does say in ourselves, may all beings be happy? What mind can say that? What heart can feel that? We try to reach for it with our small mind and we get all tangled up. There must be some other part of our body, some other part of our being that can do this.

[37:26]

May all beings be well. Wherever that place is, that is the source of the bodhisattva's way. The source of the wisdom that is compassion. passion that is wisdom and this is what we're practicing becoming intimate with thank you for listening to my reflections and I think there's time yet to hear from Nancy if you please offer something join me in this reflection

[38:27]

Thank you for your words, cheer you, and for welcoming the greater sangha and those sitting, the one-day sit, welcoming them to this love fest, as you call it, this three-day seshin in which we've been studying the Brahma Vaharas. You know, during these days, there have been these moments of remembering the first time I ever spotted you, caught a glimpse of you, jeered you, then known as Mark R.B., a head full of blonde curls, moving very quickly. I barely got a sighting of you, and you were gone. Very serious, very serious. when I mentioned that to you recently, you said, where was I going?

[39:48]

Where was I going so quickly? And I know that for me, when I hear, you know, I hear a teaching presented in Sanskrit, you know, or in Pali language, Or we're going to study the Brahma Vaharas. Kind of like everything in me just closes so quickly, like the heart is shut. Like, where do I enter here? And I appreciate so much these ancient teachings that are so applicable, so full of wisdom, so accurate. these heart postures, you know, these divine abodes, this place, our innate home.

[40:51]

So to pick up each of these teachings as we have been this week, and as you've been saying to you, you're like, oh, this feels like a lot, you know, this is a huge teaching and we're just moving through it in four days, three days. how helpful to really pick up each one of these heart practices, you know, and try them on and see what's there and engage them, call to them, you know, goodness, kindness, friendliness, you know, compassion. I'm listening. I'm here. I'm responding. I'm with you. I'm here. I will not abandon you. Sympathetic joy, rejoicing with others, joining with others, seeing what's holding me back. Noticing small mind, stepping into big mind, rejoicing with others.

[41:59]

And equanimity, as you said, the sky, the ocean. And as you said that, I thought the ground, the ground of being. you know, that can hold all beings, you know, that can hold ourselves in this, you know, pushing and pulling preferences, you know, loving through even when bad decisions are made, you know, loving, holding the bigger view, the Bodhisattva view, honoring each of our journey And it's been a love fest. You know, it's just been so beautiful to bring this into our Zazen. Each moment, you know, what is here? Each moment new. Delighting in the breath. The most simple, simple, amazing thing, this breath.

[43:09]

Always right here. Like the Brahma Bahara is like the four abodes always right here. And yesterday after this full... It's possible that... Nancy has dissolved into love itself and is no longer present here with us. Nancy? Maybe, maybe, you know, she was having some internet issues. sit for a moment and see if she comes back.

[44:16]

And so when we say beings, you know, practicing this love for all beings, I think we do tend to think people and this invitation, the same tender care for the breath, for the light. Suzuki Roshi says you know being with the breath not to defeat the thinking mind but just to care for the breath being with the breath to care for the breath not to avoid thought but just to care for the breath as we sit and then opening our sides and our senses and letting ourselves be vulnerable to the whole world, allowing the whole world to sit with us. Opening, dropping the bubble that we sit in.

[45:34]

So if Nancy's not back, maybe we will. Nancy, are you back? So whether we're continuing to sit today or whether you're moving into other activity, to allow, invite this deep heart to sit in this love, to return again and again to this love. Nancy read to us from Naomi Shihabnari, saying, only kind if it holds your shoes. Hey, Nancy. Are you there, Nancy?

[46:45]

Are you there? Kodo. Jerry, thumbs up. Okay. Okay. So I'm sorry. Now I feel like I'm interrupting. My Wi-Fi dropped. I sat there for a while just knowing that something would happen. And then I realized Miles was next door. So here I am back with you all. I know this talk has gone on very long and I did just want to mention one thing that I was going to say. And that was after a long day of practicing yesterday, I came home and I was in such a bad mood and I was so pissy and I was making dinner and I couldn't find the pod and Miles hid everything from me.

[47:52]

It's like, where did you put this? Where, you know, he's just like, sabotaging my efforts to make dinner and I was practicing silence. So I couldn't like say anything to him. And I was feeling so bad, you know, it's like, we've been practicing the Brahma Valhara's where's my divine abode now. And, and I know this is true for so many of us, you know, in, in that moment, it was like, I'm not feeling, I kind of went through a checklist. I'm not feeling friendly. I'm not feeling kind. I'm not, feeling loving kindness. And actually what came up was compassion. And I just slowed down in that moment and I just made dinner, you know, and I was there with myself in this not feeling great place. And I, feeling so fortunate to realize that.

[48:59]

So I was in the divine abode, and it wasn't quite what I thought the divine abode might feel like. So I extend that to all of us. I know as we pick up these practices, you know that it is, as Jiryu was saying, it's all there. It's all there. So thank you for joining us this morning. Thank you, cheer you for your yes, for joining this session and co-leading it with me. It's just been, as you said, a love fest. It's just been delightful. And at first you said no, that you couldn't do it. You know, I'm not sure if the boys had you tied up in that moment or you were out throwing axes with Frank. I'm not sure. I know that you have a lot on your plate and you, just couldn't do it, you know? And that's exactly why I wanted you to do it with me.

[50:03]

So thank you for your yes. Thank you, everyone, for your yes. Thank you for your no's, when your no's are there and not abandoning yourself in the no's. And may we spend a wonderful day together, this one-day sit. delighting in our breath in each moment and what's ever there. If you're not sitting today, remember those of us who are sitting throughout the day, join us with a breath. Join us with a delighting in the heart with that breath. And Jiryu, I hand it back to you, our very, very long Dharma dog. For more information, please visit sfzc.org and click Giving.

[51:22]

May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[51:25]

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