This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. The theme of this practice period is aligning all activity with the heart of Buddha. And I don't know of a better way to focus on the heart of Buddha than by learning and chanting the loving kindness, his teaching on loving kindness. So I'd like us to chant it together. So if there are any of you who don't have a copy and don't know it, are there any more copies available? Okay. So if you would like one, put your hands up maybe. And I recommend that you just take it home and learn it if you like.

[01:05]

I actually find it very helpful, knowing it now, to align myself more with the side of me that I would like to encourage in its growth and development when I'm in situations where, you know, like standing in a line or waiting for a bus or at a red light or... Something where I'm feeling, can feel maybe a little irritation come up. Let's try remembering the heart of Buddha instead of getting in a twit. So that's, I don't know if this is a traditional use of this meditation, but I think it's very helpful. To remember how we want to live in the world. To remember that it matters how we live in the world.

[02:11]

It matters to us and to everyone around us. So let's, has everybody got one? Let's try. Loving kindness meditation. This is what should be accomplished by the one who is wise, who seeks the good and has obtained peace. Let one be friendless, upright and sincere, without pride, easily contented and joyous. Let one not take submerged by the things of the world. Let one not take upon oneself the burden of riches. Let one's senses be controlled. Let one be wise but not fucked up. Let one not desire great possessions even for one's family. Let one do nothing that is mean or that the wise will prove.

[03:11]

May all beings be happy. May they be joyous and live in safety. All living beings, whether weak or strong and high or middle or low realms of existence, small or great, visible or invisible, near or far, born or to be born, may all beings be happy. Let no one deceive another nor despise any being in any state. Let none by anger or hatred wish harm to another, even as the mother at the risk of her life watches over and protects her only child. So with a boundless mind should one cherish all living things, suffusing love over the entire world, above and below, and all around without limits. So let one cultivate an infinite goodwill toward the whole world, standing or walking, sitting or lying down, during all one's waking hours, let one practice the way with gratitude, not holding to fix cues, endowed with insight, freed from sense of heights,

[04:33]

Thank you for joining me. I hope you find this an encouraging description of how we might live in the world. Something that's worth making some effort to just move this You know how it takes to move a ship in the water? It moves slowly, you know, because it's got a lot of energy already going in another direction. But if we want to turn the ship in the water and go in the direction we really want to go, we have to put a little energy into turning the ship. Partly my talk today is going to be... inspired by some email conversation in the Americans and Teachers Association listserv where we can kind of talk to each other and somebody got a new Han.

[05:39]

The Han is the wooden block downstairs that we count off the time and when it's time to go to the meditation hall it sounds like that. And Traditionally, there is a verse on the Han reminding us of impermanence. And so this one teacher, Mary Mosin, whom some of you may know, she used to live here, said, I've got a new Han. What's your favorite translation of the verse on the Han? And so people sent several things back. One that kind of struck me, may I... respectfully remind all of you who are gathered here, each of us must clarify the great matter of birth and death. Time passes swiftly.

[06:45]

Do not fall asleep. Wake up. Wake up right now. Suzuki Roshi used to say, you know, great is the matter of birth and death, all is impermanent, quickly passing. Wake up, wake up, each one. Don't goof off. It was fun for him when he discovered how to use, you know, American colloquialisms as he was learning English. So that, you know, I was... There was one time when the American Zen Teachers Association was meeting at a temple in Ann Arbor, which is the particular temple was in the Korean tradition.

[07:49]

The Korean tradition, they begin each morning's practice with 108 boughs. It's... Well, we join in the daily practice when we visit another temple, so we were there doing 108 boughs and they... They start out and they do 25 bows as fast as I could go. And then the leader said, great is the matter of birth and death. And then 25 more bows. Impermanence is all around us. 25 more bows. Be awake each moment. 25 more bows. Don't waste this life. And then everybody sat. And everybody was wide awake. And they knew why they were sitting. And that was a very good practice. A little bit extraneous for me. I remember I was with Bobby Rhodes and I was saying I had figured out how to free up about 10 minutes there before going to Zendo for bowing.

[08:50]

So I was doing some bowing practice. She said, well, there's your 108. I said, not for me. I can't do 108 bows in 10 minutes. Apparently she could. Anyhow, so this great matter of birth and death was up for me because of that conversation. And then I got a call that a dear friend of mine, who received precepts from me years ago when I lived at Green Gulch, was dying. I arranged with her husband to come out and see her and give her the precepts again. And one of the things that has been very helpful to me around this matter of birth and death is around this matter of my death, anyhow, is something that I first heard

[10:01]

from Norman Fisher some years ago, a poem of Mary Oliver's called When Death Comes. When death comes like a hungry bear in autumn. When death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse to buy me and snaps the purse shut. When death comes like the measle pox. When death comes like an iceberg between the shoulder blades, I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering, what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness? And therefore, I look upon everything as a brotherhood and a sisterhood. And I look upon time as no more than an idea. And I consider eternity as another possibility.

[11:04]

And I think of each life as a flower, as common as a field daisy, and as singular. And each name a comfortable music in the mouth, tending, as all music does, towards silence. And each body as a lion of courage and something precious to the earth. When it's over, I want to say all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was the bridegroom taking the world into my arms. When it's over, I don't want to wonder if I've made of my life something particular and real. I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened or full of argument. I don't want to end up simply having visited this world. In that sentence, I want to be full of curiosity.

[12:14]

What will it be like? Has stuck with me ever since I first heard that poem. I hope I can meet my death that way. What is it? We don't know. We can't know ahead of time. So can we be there for it and find out what is this great mystery of birth and death? So when I went out to visit my friend Jenny, I said to her, Well, Jenny, it looks like you're going to find out about the great mystery before Pete and I do. And she was on a hospital bed in her room, but she jumped up and threw her arms around my neck and said, Blanche, it's all about love and joy. This was less than a week before she died. And so I thank you, Jenny, for that teaching.

[13:18]

It's all about love and joy. Can we allow that as a possibility in our heart as we study this great mystery? I know that I find for myself, the older I get, the more I keep... Probably people are getting really tired of hearing me play the same... note on the piano every time I open my mouth but I wouldn't have imagined that I could say that on my deathbed but it certainly is what I've been talking about as I'm approaching my deathbed that love and joy are really right here and available for us if we will open up to it and

[14:21]

I think familiarizing ourselves with the Buddha's teaching and the Buddha's teaching on loving kindness will help. And actually, I can't find the email now, but as I understand my recollection of the email that I got from... Jenny's husband, when she died, was, well, when they said goodnight, because she was in a hospital bed, he went to, he left her to say goodnight. And she said something at that time, the last time he saw her alive. I'm going to meet the mystery.

[15:25]

So I offer you this line of I want to be full of curiosity because it's been a great sustainer to me over the years since I first heard that poem. And I have shared with you before and probably will again, what are known as the five recollections. Because, well, because, as I've mentioned to you before, I came to practice because I discovered that I was going to die, me, personally. You know, I just had never considered it before. But then my best friend, who was my age and had kids the age of my kids, had a headache one night when we were together. It was such a bad headache, she went to the doctor the next morning, was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor, went into a coma and died.

[16:35]

Maybe a month altogether from the first headache. And I thought, well, that could have been me as well as Pat. Oh, my God, I'm going to die. But the next thought... was such a gift the next thought was how do you live if you know you're going to die that has been such a gift to me that that question came up and so I started looking for who who could tell me how to live if I know I'm going to die and I know I'm going to die so these recollections I'll just share with you I'm of the nature to grow old. There is no way to escape growing old. Well, I guess you could die young. I'm of the nature to have ill health. There's no way to escape having ill health.

[17:41]

I am of the nature to die. There is no way to escape death. All that is dear to me and everything I have and everything I love are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape from losing them. My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground on which I stand. So this seemed to be, for me, some clue to how to live if you know you're going to die. Pay attention to how you live. Pay attention to your actions. Are your actions kind? Are your actions honest? Are your actions supported by the desire to help beings, to benefit beings?

[18:52]

Are your actions selfish or generous? How are you living this life? Again, you've heard many times me saying that the very first thing that started to change my life from the course the boat was going in was discovering one day in 1968, I guess, I heard myself saying, I'm fighting for peace. Wait, what? Wait. Where's the peace? Isn't there a peaceful way to work for peace? So that was the beginning of my searching for a more intelligent way to live my life. And in the course of time, through... some great good fortune, I met Suzuki Roshi and I thought, he knows what I need to know.

[20:01]

He knows how to live if you know you're going to die. Because I could see him doing it. He was connecting with everybody. He was quite serious about discovering that if we really paid attention to what we were doing as we were doing it, we would discover that we were Buddha. And we would live an awake life. I'm looking for a quote here. Alright. Alright. Okay. Yeah. He said, When we practice Zazen, we limit our activity to the smallest extent.

[21:02]

Just keeping the right posture and being concentrated on sitting is how we express the universal nature. Then we become Buddha and we express Buddha nature. So instead of having some object of worship, we just concentrate on the activity. which we do in each moment. So, that's a practice that we can do as long as we are conscious. We can pay attention to how we how we're breathing in this body at this moment right up until the last breath. But we want to have a practice.

[22:08]

I mean, what I think is really important is that we cultivate a practice that focuses on benefiting beings. Here's a quote. I have all these quotations that come to me one a day from Brother David Steindl-Rass' website, which is called gratefulness.org. I recommend it to you because they've got a whole crew of searching books looking for quotations that are inspiring, and they come up with a lot that I find that I love. This is from Robert Louis Stevenson. The best things in life are nearest, breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you.

[23:11]

Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life's plain common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things in life. And the Dalai Lama says, every day I think as I wake up, today I am fortunate to have woken up. I'm alive. I have a precious human life. I'm not going to waste it. I'm going to use my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others, to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I'm going to have kind thoughts toward others. I'm not going to get angry or think badly about others.

[24:14]

I'm going to benefit others as much as I can. So, you know, every morning start your life that way. That helps to turn the boat in the water. A little bit of a mudge each day, pretty soon the boat will start to move. And you will find yourself paying more attention to choosing actions which lead to peace and harmony and relinquishing actions that lead to disharmony and ill will. And just if you notice how it feels when there's ill will in your body, you can feel it. It's very palpable. And it's not at all pleasant. It's not something you want to cultivate.

[25:17]

If it's a habit you've developed, it's going to take a lot of attention. to move to turn the boat in the water, but it's worth it because the destination of that kind of carrying ill will and aggravation with you all the time is going to take all the joy out of life. Why would you want to do that when life is all about love and joy? I think Jenny was on to something. Emily Dickinson was a great favorite of Lou's, so I have a quote from her. She says, to live is so startling it leaves you little time for anything else. Isn't that great? And Albert Schweitzer, who was a great humanitarian of my childhood...

[26:30]

said, if there's anything I have learned about men and women, it is that there is a deeper sense of altruism than is ever evident. Just as the rivers we see are minor compared to the underground streams, so too the idealism that is visible is minor compared with what people carry in their hearts, unreleased or scarcely released. I find that to be true when people begin to confide in me when we're talking with each other. Most people have a deep desire to do good in the world. It's there. We just want to tap into it and nourish it and express it

[27:32]

in the way we live our lives and one thing that I need to be reminded of again and again I have a bad habit I don't smile enough and you know Thich Nhat Hanh really puts a lot of encouragement in his community about smiling at every opportunity and here's one quote from him The source of a true smile is an awakened mind. Smiling helps you approach the day with gentleness and understanding. So, you know, I'm working on it. And I'd like you to help me work on it. If you ever see me frowning, please say, Blanche, hello? Hello? where's the smile?

[28:34]

You know, it can be conscious without being put on, you know, without being phony. But sometimes I need a little encouragement to remember that I want to smile. I don't want to look stern. I'm not. Of course, sometimes I get a little help from my great-granddaughter. I got an email the other day from her mother saying, this morning, Jean Louise said, I'm growing into a woman. But first I must be three. she comes up with some great ones.

[29:39]

When Lou first saw her, they got here a week before Lou died with her. She was named Louise for him. And so she was just maybe four months old when they got here. And he looked at her and she was very eager to make eye contact. You know, a lot of infants don't pay so much attention to that, but She just got a big excitement every time she made eye contact with someone. And Lou said, this one's going to be a talker. And he was right. I'm growing into a woman, but first I must be three. So as far back as Esau... He said, no act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. And this is a Rumi poem.

[30:49]

Every tree, every growing thing as it grows says this truth. You harvest what you sow. With life as short as a half-taken breath, don't plant anything but love the value of a human being can be measured by what he or she most deeply wants be free of possessing things sit at an empty table be pleased with water the taste of being home and then The best quote till the last. This is from Mahagosananda. Mahagosananda was an extraordinary monk from Cambodia who... My last experience of being in his presence was when he was quite senile.

[31:58]

He had to have someone accompany him so that he didn't get lost. But he was sitting by a window and I went to approach him to pay my respects. And when I got within maybe from here to the first people in the chairs, that far away from him, I had a palpable physical experience of loving-kindness just flowing out of him like a river. It was extraordinary. And he said, well, he led sort of total nonviolent peace marches in a way in Cambodia at a time when the Khmer Rouge had a very brutal government. And he says, the thought manifests as the word

[33:05]

The word manifests as the deed. The deed develops into the habit. Habit hardens into character. Character gives birth to destiny. So watch your thoughts with care and let it spring from love born out of respect for all beings. The thought manifests as the word The word manifests as the deed. The deed develops into the habit. Habit hardens into the character. Character gives birth to the destiny. So watch your thoughts with care. And let it spring from love born out of respect for all beings. So... we want to live up to our potential as bodhisattvas as Buddhas as awake beings in the world we need to stay with present and aware and awake for every action of body, speech and mind so that we live actually

[34:36]

according to our inmost desire, and not by some momentary impulse or taking offense at some minor irritation, to actually pay attention to cultivating kindness wherever you are in whatever situation you may be. If we want to receive kindness, we should give kindness. We should set an example for how we want to live in the world. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click giving.

[35:42]

May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[35:45]

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