This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. Good morning. Good evening, dear Sangha. All right, it'll be one of those types of nights. I'm steadily melting up here, so... I'm just going to go ahead and sit in that for a moment. But my name is Eli. I'm coming from the city center, that is. I'm one of the resident priests there and also serve as Zen Center's Director of Inclusion and Belonging. I want to start by thanking someone who's not here, Heather Tanto, for inviting me to give this talk. I think many people come up here and say that Tassajara feels like a second home.

[01:00]

It does to me as well. I arrived here just over 13 years ago on my 30th birthday, and it's kind of auspicious because Leslie's still sitting right there. These two wonderful folks, Linda and Greg, for those of you who don't know, were the, I think you were Treasurer at the time, Linda, and Greg, you were Tonto. For some reason, 13 years later, the times I've been in here giving a talk, you have magically been in the Valley serving in these roles. And I just want to say one more thing about it, that it's great now to have two more grandparental figures in the Valley besides Leslie, just noticing that warmth and nourishment from your practice upon your return. Deep bows of gratitude. Got more gratitude to give. Just however you give gratitude, you can snap, clap, pat. For all the residents that are here in the Valley, I cannot overstate how much it takes to make this place come together.

[02:08]

the food, the grounds, the lands, the compost, all of it. So please, those of you who are visiting for the week, please send your gratitude to the residents every chance you can. Okay, so now I think I'll get to talking. So I wanted to take a moment and dabble in some bubbles. You'll have to forgive me. We've all gathered from different places, walks of life, stages on the path. Some of us are longtime Zen students. We have, I think, three different sangha weeks here right now, and the residential container inhabiting the sacred rhythm of work, silence, form, and flow. But besides that, regardless of how we got here, this place, Tassajara, The valley has a way of distilling things. The landscape, the heat, at least in the summer, the rituals and stillness, they strip away our usual distractions.

[03:17]

They don't ask for our performance, just ask for our presence. And so lately, many of you know, for at least the last couple of years, I've been really... into teaching with bubbles. And some of you should have gotten, like maybe four of you, some bubbles by your seat if you did. There might be some right there, Kristen, if you want to grab. I was going to leave them for the abbot, but she's not there. And if you could, just those of you who have bubbles, just start putting some up in the air for folks just for this next little bit. But I've used them with kids, with... and senior living facilities, and of course to teach Zazen instruction. But they're not just toys, they're also teachers. A bubble arises from a shared essence, soap, water, breath. Nothing special, but if you watch them, once they take flight, they move uniquely. Each one is shaped by subtle forces, wind, weight, moisture, timing.

[04:21]

And just like us, We come from the same ground of being, awareness, life. And yet, here we are, all very distinct in our arc. Formed by causes and conditions, we drift in different directions. You can keep blowing. At different speeds for different spans of time. And so here in the valley, you might find yourself slowing down just enough to notice the shimmer. the way a bubble catches light on the entire sky. And if you notice that the little light kind of catches on the top of the bubble and the bottom, that's the outer surface and the inner surface. But the bubble catches and reflects that light just like a dew drop does the entire sky. And we all know that Dogen said a dew drop reflects the moon and this reflection does not hinder the moonlight. And I think that essence is kind of what we can explore together while we're here.

[05:25]

That our fleeting, imperfect, beautiful lives, all of our families, communities, don't block the truth. They reveal it. So in our differences, we're not separate. We're iridescent variations of the same breath. And just like the right bubble, sometimes we see those two sons that I was talking about, two reflections, which you could say are the absolute and the relative. It could be story and silence, identity and spaciousness. And this wonderful place and practice invites us to see them both, to touch them, to let them teach. So for the next couple of days, let us soften into that way of belonging. Not the kind that asks us to be the same, but the kind that welcomes our own particular shimmering shape. And when it comes time to pop, may it be with joy. May we leave light behind.

[06:28]

So I just wanted to start with that little message to welcome you all to the valley. And I have more bubbles on me all the time, so if you want some throughout the the week, please let me know. So I wanted to actually start tonight. That really wasn't what I was going to talk about. But I wanted to start just by talking about how I got to Tazahar. Well, not the whole story. But I will say that when we came here, and that's Kat and I, some of you have met her. She's here with me in the family program. At the time we came, we were married, and we were kind of stepping out of a life that was successful by traditional standards, yet still filled with too much noise, options, and endless decisions. So as soon as we kind of crossed the little bridge or the transition area, the gatehouse wasn't quite there, we felt something shift.

[07:34]

Perhaps it was even that long, dusty road with a nice massage on the way in. For Kat, it was not easy. I remember after our first day of being here, she was over on the little sidesteps here. I was walking around for a while. I was working in the kitchen. She was in the dining room, which we used to have people actually serving. She was just bawling. Here we are. We'd given up this suburbia life. Day one, she's just... She talks about this all the time, so I'm not like... saying things behind her back. But she was, yeah, pretty distraught. And, you know, I'm thinking back to it, and it was more just that she had not shifted roles. Neither of us had in our entire kind of life. The simplicity and the stillness of fear was actually confronting for her. I remember that...

[08:36]

Yeah, she was commenting on just the fact of instead of kind of being served, she was now serving in many more kind of unfamiliar forms and roles that she couldn't connect with. And then you have me, on the other hand, that was handed a sponge when I walked into the kitchen by Mary Stairs, who some of you know. And... It was great. It was profound. I was handed that sponge, and that was it. It was one task. I like I still see bubbles. One object, one now. And in that moment, I really felt an unexpected joy. That sponge, yellow, kind of grimy, had a cut corner, became a vehicle for my full expression to take root. I didn't need to be anyone else. I didn't need to choose between 20 paths. It was just very clear and simple. I felt free.

[09:37]

And so while you might think that Kat and I had two kind of opposite reactions on arriving here, I really don't feel they were opposite at all. We were both really just responding to a profound shift from constant self-shaping, the corporate kind of secular hustle, and to this unadorned mirror of practice that we're all sitting in right now. And it's funny, we were in our Yaz group earlier, and Brandon, I think, wherever you may be, was handed a sponge or a napkin or a rag and a spray bottle and told to go find bird poop. So, you know, you can think something like that can give someone great freedom or great concern. Like, what did I get myself into? I paid for this. I don't know. So... But when we're offered new forms, it can feel like a constraint, whether it be a bell, a robe, a single task.

[10:40]

We're suddenly asked to meet ourselves in ways that are both unbounded and perhaps unfamiliar. It can feel wildly alive one moment and terrifying the next. And I think that's tricky for us because at least... I came into this really trying to have a more prescribed life when I was happy, trying to stay happy, or if I was sad, trying to get unsad or to be happy. And much of our modern life is structured around maintaining those states through external measures, which we all know, in my experience, doesn't work, at least not for long. And here in practice, or at Tazahar, we're offered something else, We're offered to meet our experience as it is. Not to fix or manage it, whether it's joy, resistance, peace, or you could name it. It's just bringing attention to it and something opens up. So whether you're handed a rake, a poop rag, asked to chop carrots, each form is a glimpse into who you are and who you might become when you meet life without the need for editing.

[11:51]

So basically, I said all that to say what I wanted to talk about tonight were constraints, especially Zen constraints and how they can be profoundly liberating. This kind of term, liberating constraints, was given to me by a friend recently. And since she brought it up, and she's not involved in Dharma, although she really speaks it, it's very interesting. it's been kind of something that's echoed in my ear ever since. And so kind of the, I guess, more formal definition of liberating constraints, we normally think constraints implies limitation, even oppression. But what I've come to see is that constraints don't confine us. They can actually really reveal us. So liberating constraints are the forms, structures, and boundaries that free us from the constant pressure to edit, perform, or perfect. So, you know, they're similar to the banks of the little Tassajara Creek, give the water direction and some force.

[13:01]

Or the lines of a drawing, right, you make that brings image into view. So as we move into this world that's incredibly more editable, it's really, I think, important practice to figure out how to just stay. how to be unedited. So real quickly here, I'm going to give what I've started to put in talks, which is a bypass disclosure. I think all Dharma talks should have them to avoid bypass. But of course, like all Dharma teachings, the idea of liberating constraints could actually be misleading. And it's not about staying in harmful situations or spiritual situations. oppressing situations. Some constraints are just limiting. And so it'll be something you have to fill into. Practicing with form is different than submitting to harm. Sometimes the most liberating act is drawing a boundary or walking away.

[14:04]

And the key that will lie in each of you is discernment, which I think this practice helps us really fill into. knowing when a structure helps and reveal who we truly are and when it keeps us to a more small, muted self. So I just wanted to get that out of the way. So what are some examples of these liberating constraints? So I know we have some jazz musicians in the house. We have some poets in the house. And so a jazz musician works usually from 12 notes, a key, a tempo. A poet, whether it be a haiku or a sonnet, has a particular limit. Yet when those musicians or poets express, they're able to express it inexpressible. So it's not freedom from form that leads to genius, but kind of our surrender to it.

[15:07]

And so this is also what we're doing in practice. Most of you know there's a family retreat here. The unmistakable sound of laughter in the valley by children is unmistakable. And I think that most of us, especially because we're here, we're trying to, I think, we want kids that are a little bit more strong, courageous. And it's a real temptation to let them engage in choice. And this came up for me today in the session. Sorry, I'm kind of like sideballing with the parents in here. But, you know, we were all in our kind of group session. And, you know, we're letting the kids kind of be kids. You know, we don't want to be like, sit still. You know, kind of, you know, we want them to like Zen. And... Yet and still, you know, Maya and her dear friend Coco were kind of to the side, and they had a sticker book. And so Kat and I were trying to figure out, like, should we take it? Like, they're just kind of doing it. And, you know, I got uncomfortable eventually, and I'm just like, no, we're here.

[16:09]

There's a speaker. You can be bored. That's what kids do. So I took it, and they were upset at first, and then in a couple of seconds, they just kind of leaned back on their cushions or into the parents. And what I've seen is when, you know... This kind of allowance is placed in a child too early. They're put in the driver's seat. It can actually cause a little bit of anxiety, instability. And structure actually helps relax her. A predictable bedtime, a rhythm to the day, and even a no can be a loving offering. So it's the exact same here with us in practice. This holding, this schedule, guidelines, predictable rhythm. can help us soften and just be. And another shout out to all these years for my resistance, my dear teacher. Yeah, try the forums out and be with them. They will guide you to you. So I could talk about time and Uji.

[17:10]

I'm not even going to go there because that's like a whole nother talk, but I encourage you to consider time and how that constraint works in your life. But before I did move on to the kind of the last parts of the talk, I did want to talk about two constraints that we all definitely meet deeply in our life, I think. And that's love and grief. And, you know, it's more and more like the kind of like, you know, I love you type love or, you know, not the big mind love. But we could say that both loving and grief are definitely constraints. Not the kind... that are imposed from the outside quite often. These are most of the time inner constraints. They arise when something matters so deeply that we no longer get to live untouched. Grief narrows the path. It doesn't offer detours. And when real loss arrives, you can't scroll by it.

[18:12]

I've tried. You're in it. It asks you to stop. It asks you to feel, to meet life stripped of illusion. But like I was saying before, not all grief is clean. Unmetabolized grief, that might be complicated by trauma or resistance, can bind us rather than set us free. Yet grief is allowed, when it's allowed our full expression, my belief is it really clarifies. It shows what we've loved and it shows what we must release. It humbles the ego and for the most part opens us up usually to what's important. And love, real love, is no less demanding. Not the kind of love that's shaped by fantasy or need, but one that requires presence, patience, and actually letting go. It asks us not to stay in control. It constrains us in the best way.

[19:14]

It asks us to meet another person in their truth, not the terms that we kind of want to set on them. I've had some years to learn, I think. And knowing that love is something you can't rush, you can't dominate it. You just have to be with it as it unfolds. And both grief and love reveal our attachments and also our capacity. And we're able to meet them both honestly at the pace that they arise. Both love and grief become sacred constraints. not to blind us, but to transform us and ground us, instill us, instill us, perhaps. And so this is another reason why I would say that Zen forms are liberating constraints. We bow, we hold things with two hands. Some of us wear really warm robes.

[20:16]

We eat in silence, and we enact in mindfulness practices throughout the day. And it takes time to kind of feel into this and learn that it's not because of being rigid. It's because this practice is bigger than all of us. We start to maybe begin to experience a deeper reality, something ordinary yet sourced beyond the usual way that we do, do, do, do. We return to this field of being, and that being does not arise from striving or performing. As one great teacher, Ed Brown, said, it arrives from beyond. And we don't always know what that beyond is, but I believe that each one of us can feel when we're moving in harmony with it. So perhaps...

[21:18]

a moment or a whole day or an afternoon, you'll feel yourself in harmony with that. And when we engage in that way wholeheartedly, not blindly, again, that's a big one, something beyond the self can emerge. So in Zen we refer to this as our Buddha nature, our true nature, our authentic self. And it's not this kind of hidden jewel that we uncover, but something that we reveal moment by moment. So whatever form, configuration, or activity we take up, we enter it fully with sincerity. These constraints, they don't confine us. They define us. They reveal us. Earlier, I had you all blowing bubbles. You're welcome to do that at any time. And just, again, each one of these come from the same source, shaped by subtle unseen conditions, floating briefly before returning.

[22:26]

So our practice is like that, too. The forums we take on, the chopping carrots, carrying your oryoki bowls, for those of you all who do that, they may look the same. You know, we walk in this door, we bow. but each one of us moves in an utterly personal way. The constraints we meet here at Tassajara in practice are not meant to confine us. They are like the delicate kind of tension that holds that bubble together, giving shape to something that's both fleeting and radiant. So eventually, like the bubble, we will let go. I'm going to have to pop. I'm not trying to be dramatic. We should leave for the day, maybe, and want to take practice with us. Just know that we return not as a failure of form, but as its fulfillment. So just take a moment to reflect. Did these forms feel limited by their constraints or revealed by them?

[23:33]

Something you can check in with over the next couple of days. What made each of these bubbles possible? What made each one of the bubbles beautiful? So just like these bubbles, our life is shaped by liberating constraints. We don't get to choose conditions, but we do get to show up inside them with presence, breath, and care. And when we do, even our outer limits can be luminous. So I think I'll just wrap things up here. Just knowing that we live in this world that's addicted to preference and realizing that for many of us this kind of addiction can fragment us, especially when we engage over time.

[24:34]

And I want to just remind us of all of our indigenous ancestors, but all of our ancestors really understood the wisdom in liberating constraints. They lived in relationship with the land, the season, rhythm. They didn't try to dominate, especially with nature. They danced with it. And in doing so, they did a hell of a better job taking care of it than I suspect we ever will. My own ancestors who came through the Great Migration exemplified that through spirituals in fields. That type of rhythm is profound. Constraints not chosen, but met with spirit and song and perseverance. And somehow that narrow passage, something transcendent still came through. Yeah. We're sitting up here on stands. And Zen practice, in its own way, invites us into that same territory, not to change our circumstance, but to meet it fully.

[25:46]

So to bow in this moment, even if it's not one you would have chosen, it's a way of remembering I don't belong to this moment. I belong in it. Zen practice asks us to meet this moment, as you all know, as it is, not as we wish it were. And so in this next couple of days we get, or who knows, for months, years, decades, we have this opportunity to eat what's served, to work where is needed, to follow the bell rather than our impulse. And this may feel momentarily like we're giving something up. However, if we're giving up the impulse, or this illusion that we had control in the first place, I think that's okay. Great Suzuki Roshi said, when we practice Zen, we are expressing our true nature, not trying to improve or polish it. So again, as you hop back into this world of endless edibility, remember that constraints don't, excuse me, just confine us, that they reveal us

[27:01]

So let yourself be revealed over the next few days. Let the forms carry you, not because they're perfect, but because they allow you to find something deeper and emerge from that place. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click giving.

[27:37]

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