This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. So I'd like to welcome all of those who had just arrived for the Rahatsu Sashin welcome. And I'd also like to welcome the many folks that have come back home this week for the Rahatsu. So my name is Zenju Earthman Manuel, and I am the Shusou Or rather, I accepted the position of Shuso that was given to me by our abbess, Christina Lanher.

[01:08]

And it's been a long haul from September to now. And I'm glad to be here. So I wanted you all to know that is like, what is she doing up there talking on the Shuso? I didn't know. failed to introduce myself last night, so I just want you to know that for those who are new this week. Let's see. Before I go on, I've been expressing appreciation and gratitude to various ones through all of my talks, because I know that I am sitting here and not for any endurance or strength of my own. It has been through the support of many, many people. And so I'd like to thank Taya Gold for helping me very diligently throughout the practice period with some very, very fine juice.

[02:16]

Thank you very much. But the Gratitude I really like to provide before I get started is to my Benji, Camilla Dickinson. And I hope she can bear this visibility in the moment. But I was so excited when I found out she was my Benji. And I think because we've been friends for a little while and we've gotten very close during the practice period. And I felt that she has always been very warm to me ever since I've been at Zen Center. And we've had a lot of conversations before and now. And I feel an undeniable friendship that I truly trust in my heart. And I trust your heart practice. You know, whichever way it manifests, I do trust it.

[03:19]

And I appreciate it. very much. She's a comrade. Throughout this is what I was hoping to have, a comrade to stand by me in this position at Shuso. It's a very nerve-wracking position, so you need someone to stand with you in that way. And I was hoping for someone who would see being with me would not only be like serving me, that they would see that whatever they did was for the entire sangha. And I felt that everything you did was for the entire sangha, helping out with the tea so diligently and being very serious about whether the cookies were fresh or not. At a point I would go, oh, well, and she would not. It was no, oh, well, the cookies were going to be fresh. And so I really appreciated that. And I also invited friends from the outside, my outside community to come in.

[04:22]

And Camilla was right there helping me and serving the tea, despite that these folks were from the outside coming in and she didn't stop and say, well, that's not Zen Center practice period people. It was just a smooth, seamless, you know, I don't have all the words for it. But I felt that I wanted to acknowledge you today and all that you do and that you have done during this Baptist period. Thank you. So this morning, it's Sunday, and I thought about my childhood when we would get up, my family, my father and my mother. two other sisters and get ready to go to church. And my father and I would be waiting in the car for a long time for my mother and my two sisters.

[05:23]

So I was, we were always grumbling about them and arguing, you know, like when they're gonna come, when are they gonna come, and seemed like it took forever all the time. And then one time my father took off and left them. And I just had a fit. I just fell out. I didn't know I was going to have this. It was going to be traumatic for me to drive off to church without them. And I remember it was a rainy day, and it would be very difficult for them to, you know, get to church in Los Angeles where riding the bus is difficult. And so anyway, he didn't go far. He just went around the corner. Sort of something he was doing with them, you know, test drive, but traumatized me. But anyway, I love Sundays. And what I loved about them was the singing and the church congregation. And I consider them my tribe because they actually saw me grow up from birth up to now, really.

[06:27]

And so sitting here now in the rain, I still feel that sense of excitement and joy that I did in going to church. I was an unusual child. I liked to go to church, and my sisters did not. And I liked reading the Bible. I thought it was fascinating stories in there. And so I felt with this rain coming, it reminded me of that childhood and wearing the plastic on our heads to keep our hair clean. you know, straight. So by the time when we got to church, it wouldn't be all crinkly and kinked up. So it's always a difficult day. So here we are on a rainy Sunday together. And this is the first day of the Rahatsum. And it's a day of... beginning to move toward really what Rahatsu is.

[07:31]

And Rahatsu, actually the literal meaning is the eighth day of the 12th month. So literally Rahatsu is Saturday. But we are moving toward that day. And it's a day of celebration. And it's a week of celebration. And everywhere in Zen practice, there is probably a rahatsu sashim and ceremony about to occur, or is occurring right now. So I feel like all of us right now are in this kind of grand, macro, global celebration. So do you feel like you're celebrating? Do you think you can celebrate sitting seven days and seven nights? So I asked myself that question, too.

[08:36]

You know, we're celebrating Buddha's awakening, Buddha's enlightenment. And so does it feel like a celebration yet? Maybe not quite. Not quite. So I asked myself, how can I bring that celebration in home, into my own body? And I know that Buddha's enlightenment was not just for himself, so therefore the celebration is not only for Buddha, it's for Buddha and ourselves as Buddha. So if we can somehow bring up that sense of our own enlightenment, our own clear seeing, our own light and wisdom within ourselves, we might be able to tap into this celebration called Rahatsan and tap into the joy of being able to return to silence and to sit with our own lives.

[09:51]

and celebrate that, simply celebrate that. So sometimes it might be difficult to tap into enlightenment or have a meaning of it, or thinking we might should search for it. But it's almost, if you look at it in that way, as a thing, as an object, you probably won't be able to grasp it because it's something that the mind cannot grasp. And so because of that, I think we know that we can feel it somewhere in our lives, but there may be a bit of obstruction or a lot of obstruction or dust that can be in the way of actually knowing that we ourselves have our own light and wisdom that can come up directly from our own lives.

[10:52]

And so sitting Zazen, I think some of us might feel, well, this is great. This is a way to maybe ease and remove some of the dust that's in our eyes or remove our own dusty selves. We are dust. And sitting Zazen may be the way to feel that light and wisdom that we speak of when that word enlightenment comes up. So we may sit and wonder, what is this life? Why am I living this life? What am I doing here? What am I doing now? These are all good questions to ask. Why Zen? Maybe some of these questions might be coming up to you. And so... I believe there is an ever-present enlightenment within us.

[11:57]

But I also know that Zazen is not a means to an end. You've heard that before, but often we try to use it as a means to an end. Or we use Zazen as a tool for our personal benefit or to have an appearance in the world that may be different from another. So all of these things doesn't mean that they're wrong or bad, but it can keep you stuck and keep you away from tapping into the enlightenment in which we are celebrating this week, the enlightenment within your own life, because we ourselves are Buddha. So if Zazen is not a means to an end, that might be a problem for some.

[13:02]

Or it's not a tool. Actually, Dogen said Zazen is not learning meditation. It is not learning meditation. Because when we do that, we begin to find all kinds of techniques which are not bad, but it could take you away from Just sitting. So here in Zazen, we're just sitting. And we're just sitting. And in that sitting, I say and have experienced that meditation may arise within it. So I'm not doing Zazen. I'm not necessarily meditating. But I'm just sitting. And within that just sitting, meditation may arise. that place of pondering in the silence or that place of healing.

[14:04]

Actually, the word meditation has, I've seen two Latin root word meanings. And one of them is Medir, Medir, D-M-E-D-I. R-E. I'm not sure if I'm saying it right. And that means to heal. And so that's part of the root of meditation. And the other one is medhatatam. And that is to ponder. And so usually we try to begin to ponder on a subject. And we ponder on what's going on in our lives. Or we come with our suffering and our And so that's how we might find ourselves trying to use Zazen and trying to, rather than having Zazen just come and arise into our lives so that meditation can arise as well.

[15:06]

So I like what Dan and Katagiri says about Zazen. And he says, it's the gateway for entering human life. And it's a gateway for entering human life. And so last night, we all entered a gateway to human life, whatever that is, even whatever the gateway is. And so we might come into this gateway and because of its vastness, want to know where to go. Where shall I go in this vastness? Because it is vast. The gateway is wide. And we might not know where to go in it But I still like the thought of all of us walking into this gateway and looking out and seeing things we've never seen before. Or feeling things we've never felt before. Or even allowing a sense of the meditation to arise in the Zazen.

[16:13]

So in this gateway, we may see something of our lives we don't want to see. It may make us wiggle in our seats, breathe hard or cough or something. And we may only want to look at the things in our lives that feel good and ignore those things we don't like. And we may spend time maybe beating up on ourselves for the wrong choices or decisions we made in life or on our regrets. We may wonder who is looking and who is not looking, and how do I appear? So I'm talking about myself when I'm talking to you. That for me, a lot of things come up when I'm sitting in Zazen. This Rahatsu, I have an exercise I've been doing, a practice, that I started out with a couple of days before the Rahatsu started.

[17:18]

And I thought maybe you might be interested in joining me in this practice since we are in the gateway together. And so I would just like you to close your eyes all the way and just close your eyes for a moment and to find some complete rest and just complete rest. There's that self that just really completely rests and doesn't tell. really worry. And so in this complete rest, and in this moment, this might be difficult, but I ask you to leave everything, to leave everything. In this moment, to leave everything. To leave your aspirations, to leave your hope, your promises, your relationships, your houses, your jobs, your family, who you are, who you think you are, your everything.

[18:31]

Just leave everything and rest. And notice if you can or if it's a struggle. So leave everything that has an appearance, what you're wearing, your room, what you look like, anything that has an appearance, to leave it, to leave it behind. Just leave it so you can go further into this gateway of human life. Creating an opportunity to not know and to see what arises. So no managing, no controlling. Just whatever you see, bow to it. Say goodbye. Bye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Bow to it. No effort.

[19:34]

So we're bowing. No effort. Leave that behind. Leave effort behind. Leave intention behind. Leave it all and just be Just allow that whatever is happening in this week and right now, whatever is happening is happening. It's happening anyway. Without all the things you're carrying. So there's nothing to attain. Nothing to get closer to. And nothing to avoid. These are all ideas, so leave all your ideas. Leave them. All of your ideas. All of what is there and just bow to it. Say goodbye. Say goodbye. And allow the restful, complete restful self come forward. Beware of time, but you are not time.

[20:35]

Beware of your body, but you are not your body. You are being aware of the body, but you're not your body. You're being aware of time, but you're not the time. And if you could just go through this week and through the schedule as not doing the schedule, because if you're doing it, you will get tired quickly. So you aren't doing anything. You're letting go. You're leaving it. You're leaving everything. And you're just moving along. And if you forget, you will look up and you'll see your Dharma community moving one way and you will move with it. And you'll look up and you'll move there. And it's okay if you miss a beat. Release and leave the perfection.

[21:41]

Leave everything. And breathe. And breathe. And use your breath. Breathe deeply. Find the breath in the belly. When you inhale, push your stomach out when you inhale. And when you exhale, let it out through your chest. It's okay to breathe deeply. You can breathe quietly and deeply at the same time. So each time you let something go, you enter the gateway further. That's why I like Dan in category way. So you're entering. Each time you let and you bow to something that's leaving, you enter the gateway. So you can open your eyes now. So as we let things go, we're a little bit worried of what that means.

[22:48]

Who am I? Where am I going? Where am I? I can't let that go. I have to keep my mind on that in case when I come out, it's all gone or slipped away or something because I didn't pay attention. All those things come up. And so just watch that. So that's our fear that comes from those things. We think we're doing our lives. We are doing them. But we're not doing our lives. We're in our lives. We're in the gateway. So I have a couple of more things, hopefully, that will help us along the way. Allow yourself to be blown away by the great vastness. Allow yourself to be blown away by, like, when you go to the ocean and you just go, wow. Or you go to a mountain and you know that mountain, unless you're a mountain climber, you will not be on the top of it. You just go, wow. And you see it. So just allow this week to be that, to allow yourself to be blown away by the vastness.

[23:55]

Settle with not knowing how to navigate this vastness. So don't decide, I need this and I need this and I'll need this and I'll need this so that I can do this. Because as soon as you do that, you're probably going to be just kind of stuck in one corner of the meadow. Because you've already set up a little house. I need to do this at this time, so I better hurry up. I usually do this, so I have to squeeze it in before 9.30. So letting go of some of that and allowing that maybe this week that won't happen. So you're learning to settle with not knowing what's going to happen and how to navigate it. Invite your own seeing, your own light. So when you're sitting, you are seeing. You are witnessing your life. Your own enlightenment and your own wisdom is right there, right in the bone. It's right there. Buddha was a human being and the Buddhists before him were human beings with all the fear that we have.

[25:02]

Exactly the same fear, same body. So invite your own seeing and your own light. See what comes up, what light comes up, what light can come up this time without you creating it. And even if you leave, you might not find out that light for a week or a month or a year. You might not know. We want to know. We're very intelligent. Very intelligent. So we want to know. And we think we know, but we don't know. We don't know. It's very hard. Drop all making of a life that is already a gift in itself. If you're making a life, even if you're making your life right here, right now, It's in this Rahatsu. You're kind of messing with the gift. There's a gift being handed to you in this Rahatsu weekend. Many people have been creating this gift and have handed it. And you have handed us a gift back by being here.

[26:04]

And we're all here in this gift. Giver, receiver, the gift. All of it. So drop all making of a life that is already a gift in itself. Come further into the gateway of your life. Come past all those things you know about yourself, past all the things you think you know about other people, all those things you think you know about life or the world, you know, all of that. Just leave everything. And when it comes up, what you know, bow to it and say goodbye for this week or goodbye for right now. Just let it go. Go forward allowing your breath to align your mind with the body that is sitting. Go forward allowing your breath to align your mind with the body that is sitting. So your breath, you know, we're always working at being in the present.

[27:05]

You don't have to work at it. You don't have to do that either. If you breathe, your body is right there with you. If you leave, you breathe so you can come back to your body. We have a great access to the breath. What a sensation, what a functioning that we have to just let us be here and sit just by breathing. And so when you go away, the mind, you breathe and you can come back right here to the sitting, to the body. I have this one, this one. I said to myself, first I said, sit in your little hut, but sit on your little cushion of tranquility until you are moved by the greatness of simply being alive. Sit on your cushion of tranquility that you have gifted yourself with until you are moved by the greatness of

[28:11]

of simply being alive. That's it. That's all. Nothing else. Just being alive. It's not a small contribution, being alive. Not at all. The breath is not a small contribution to this week, this sangha, to your life. So... I didn't bring a watch every clock or anything at the time. I'm good? Okay. So I went to, I've been writing several poems since I've been here, and it feels like I wrote all the ones I've been sharing. I wrote actually in the first two weeks I was here, so this is, and they all seem to be showing up at a time that I should share them, so it's kind of interesting and synchronistic, and I hope that This one I call the way of the dust will help you stay in that vastness. And it's called the way of the dust.

[29:14]

So we live in the realm of dust. In which we find corners and walls to cling to. We might lie or hang there together. Thinking we are the corner or the wall. until the wind comes from the door being opened and our dusty cells are sent off to another part of the room. Or perhaps if we are lucky, we will be blown out the window into a greater mystery of life. I'd like to read it again. The way of dust. We live in the realm of dust. in which we find corners and walls to cling to. We might lie or hang there together thinking we are the corner or the wall until the wind comes from the door being opened and our dusty cells are sent off to another part of the room and perhaps

[30:35]

If we are lucky, we will be blown out the window into a greater mystery of life. Let's go. Thank you. Is this time for questions? Are there any questions? One or two. Perhaps you've already blown out the window. Is it really possible to not do? Is it really possible to not do? If you have a definition of possible, maybe it's not. What's possible?

[31:37]

Or impossible? Just holding, not doing. Is it possible to not participate in killing or participate in the vows we take? You know, difficult. But if we add possibility or impossibility, that could stop us. We'll be there weighing that. Yes. Out the window. Let's go.

[32:49]

Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org. giving, may we fully enjoy the Doraemon.

[33:12]

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