This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning, everyone. Everyone's looking especially bright-eyed this morning. So welcome to San Francisco Zen Center. And it's wonderful to be here together this morning to share the Dharma. How rare. How beautiful. We have a custom of asking people if it's their first time to San Francisco Zen Center. And I think that is to welcome people and to make everyone feel included. So welcome, if this is your first time, coming to San Francisco Zone Center.

[01:03]

My name is Nancy Petrin, and I'd like to thank Mary Stairs, the tanto, for inviting me to speak. I know Christina made you, but thank you. And thank you, Christina. Thank you. for so many years of practice on this path, and just so much gratitude this morning. And welcome to our online participants. I've often been on the other side of this camera, and it's really wonderful when this happens. So, welcome. This morning I'd like to turn something together as a continuation of this exploration that we started a couple of weeks ago, this exploration of awake body.

[02:13]

Christina Lenher is leading us in an eight-week practice period, a period of focused study. where many students come together, commuters and residents and online participants, and together we create a container around this, around, in this case, the study of the body. So we've had a few talks, Christina, week before last, and Mary, last week, exploring this, the body. such an essential part of this practice. And I'd like to enter this through this phrase or this idea or this state of just being.

[03:15]

Just being. Perhaps everyone wants to... Close your eyes or perhaps leave them open if it feels better. All those bright eyes. And just drop in and see what's there in this body just now. Perhaps an awareness of breath. perhaps an awareness that you're not really very comfortable. So please make yourself as comfortable as you can. A few years ago at Tassajara, the summer t-shirt was a shirt that said, just being. And it was very subtle. It was black on black. It was also brown on brown.

[04:20]

Um, And it was a thin hoodie. I really liked the style of the t-shirt, sweatshirt. But there was something about this just being that really annoyed me. It just really agitated me. Like, I really didn't like that t-shirt. Every time I would see someone wearing that t-shirt, I bet someone in this room is wearing one right now, I would just be annoyed. And it was... almost as if what I felt was, it was like someone's wearing this sign, like just being like, beware, you know, like stay away. I'm just being over here, you know? And anyway, it was, it was, I really didn't like that t-shirt. And then one of those t-shirts came my way as they tend to do through, through the goodwills and through friends passing things on. And so I, I, began to wear it. And actually, I really loved it.

[05:24]

And there was something that shifted for me in wearing that shirt and actually me now advertising just being, even though I didn't still know what it was. But I felt as though by putting it on, I... was kind of curious about it. Maybe something in me did settle by just wearing these words, just being. I felt open and curious, actually, to enter into a conversation with someone if they wanted to talk about what was this just being. So it really shifted. It really shifted for me. So just being, it's a noun, a being, a being, a being, a being.

[06:31]

It's a verb, to be. How many of you just thought or not to be? It's a state. just being. So as I started out this talk, this talk is a conversation about the body. So I invite you to explore what is it to listen with the body. What is it to listen to this talk with your body? Some of you have your eyes closed. Some of you are sitting more relaxed, perhaps, than others.

[07:35]

What is it to listen with our bodies? This just being for me, perhaps for you, emanates life. It is calm, just being. It has a rhythm of its own. Try these on. See how they feel. a sense of non-harming in just being, of taking up the space it needs, just being. No more, no less.

[08:38]

As Zen Master Dogen said in the early 1200s, No creature ever falls short of its own completeness. Wherever it stands, it does not fail to cover the ground. Or as Carl Jung put it in 1931, what is required of you is not perfection. So let's turn again to the body. Let's actually take some time to be with this body. So please be comfortable with

[09:47]

Close your eyes, or as I said, leave them open if that feels safer. Let's turn our awareness to the breath. Taking a few deep breaths. Feel the body breathe in. Feel the body expanding and contracting with each breath. This body which is so familiar. This body which is so mysterious. This very body. This very being. Focus on the rising and falling of the abdomen. Let awareness receive the beginning, the middle and end of each in-breath, of each out-breath, expanding and contracting the belly.

[11:15]

Note the constantly changing flow of sensation in each inhalation, in each exhalation. And see if there's a softening around the edges of these sensations. Let the breath breathe itself itself in a softening belly. Soften the belly to receive the breath, to receive sensation, to experience life in the body. Perhaps you would like to try to soften the muscles that have held the fear for so long.

[12:29]

Soften the tissue, the blood vessels, the flesh, letting go of the holding of a lifetime, perhaps of many lifetimes, letting go into this soft belly. Perhaps you notice a sense of grief, of distrust, of anger, These can be held hard in the belly. Layers and layers of softening. Layers and layers of letting go.

[13:37]

Moment to moment allow each breath its full experience. in soft belly. If there is a sense of hardness, you can note that. Can it float in something softer and kinder? Let thoughts come and let them go, floating like bubbles in the spaciousness of soft belly. Let thoughts drop into the vastness of soft belly's bottomless bottom, holding to nothing, softening, softening,

[14:51]

Let the pain and resistance go. Allow kindness to infuse your breath. Soften the belly. Notice the bell, and notice the change, if there is one. Does something linger? Is there a tendency to put a story to the experience of the body? Perhaps some judgment that your experience should be different. some thought that it's not quite right, slightly off, not complete enough.

[16:10]

Christina, in the practice period, has been teaching and pointing to that softening and relaxation lead to trust in the body. And that trusting leads to softening and relaxing. Can we relax and trust into this experience. Let it be complete just as it is. What pulls us into thinking? Does it somehow feel safer?

[17:15]

Have we forgotten how to just be in these bodies? Did we once know? Can you sense into the tides of your being, perhaps sensing an annoyance, an impatience, a boredom with this whole thing, perhaps a numbing, In order to be with our bodies, we have to slow down. We have to slow way down. Right now, can you feel your sitting bones?

[18:18]

Do you know where they are in your bottom? Finding our sitting bones perhaps rocking a bit forward and back. Do we find a place where we feel more upright? Less leaning into or away from. Actually coming into something that feels like me. Complete enough. As we entered the time of focus and concentrated study, many people mentioned to me their resistance in studying the body. They were hoping for something different. There was some resistance. They had been thinking about it a lot. And actually, when people started dropping into their bodies and noticing,

[19:25]

They also noticed, oh, I just think of my body as a means of transport or as a tool, as a way to enact what's happening in this mind, to transport this mind from one place to the next. Somehow we've learned to trust this reasoning, rational mind. our way through things. The body is unreliable. The body knows it's going to die. And actually, I think the body is okay with that. Our bodies, as Ruth Ozeki calls them, are time beings.

[20:32]

from the teaching time being. So we know something about our karma in this lifetime, although so much of what we are responding to are from experiences that happened that we can't even remember in our earliest years. But we know something of this lifetime, the karma of this lifetime. The karma of last lifetime, I don't know much. My parents' karma, the trauma that they've passed on to each of us in the sperm, in the uterus, in the egg, our family karma, our cultural karma. So, of course, we hesitate to drop into a place that does know about these things, which is the body.

[21:36]

Kay Ryan composed this poem. As though the river were a floor, we position our tables and chairs upon it, eat and have conversation. As it moves along, we notice that as calmly as though dining room paintings were being replaced. The changing scenes along the shore. We do know. We do know. This is the Niagara River. But it's hard to remember what that means. But I think our bodies know. I think our bodies hear the rumble of the falls in the distance. Or maybe not such a far distance.

[22:43]

So in slowing down, sensing into, feeling into, bringing our awareness to the body again, And again, a whole different sense of being begins to unfold through the support of taking refuge in practice, taking refuge in Buddha, in knowing that each of us is complete, each of us is Buddha. None of us are separate from this truth. And taking refuge in Dharma, in the teachings, there's something here. There's something that rings true for all of us. Something. And taking refuge in Sangha, the body of practitioners, the support of each other as we find our way.

[23:59]

Refuge. Re. Back. Fujede. From fleeing. So back from fleeing. Taking refuge. In this practice. And of course. Most importantly. Zazen. So we. are able to meet a body. As we return to our intention, we return to our commitment to the cushion, to sitting, to just being with whatever is happening right now. Sharing in small groups in class at the practice period

[25:01]

with the online groups. It's been interesting what people have shared about what they're accessing and what's being revealed to them. Being just a little more aware of being available for his children. Taking the longer route back to the car. because it was a glorious, sunny day in Dublin. Looking forward to sitting and feeling the nurturing quality of it. Feeling the deliciousness of water in the shower. Feeling one's habits turning into a liquid field. Noticing that looking in the mirror, she did not see herself.

[26:10]

The practice period is a bit of a feast. I don't know how many classes are being offered, and Dharma talks, and practice period teas, and teas with the Shuso, meeting with teachers. And Christina has, time and time again, encouraged each of us to take a small bite, to commit to just a few things, to commit to take up one body practice. Otherwise, we might get constipated with everything that's being offered. So I'd like to suggest to you, although you are not officially perhaps a part of the practice period, I invite you to join us and to consider taking up a body practice.

[27:19]

Some of the practices that have been suggested are tapping. Tapping the head, the forehead, the face. the shoulders. You can join in with me if you feel so inclined. Tapping everywhere, the chest, the belly, the legs. In the morning, in the evening, anytime you remember, and then noticing. Do you notice a change in the body? showering, bathing. How does the water feel on your body? I remember Grace Damon talking about the shower that she took after being in a coma for many months.

[28:26]

And she just cried and cried the feeling of that water on her body. So noticing after your shower, is there a change? How does it feel? Just showing up. One of the things Christina suggested at some point, I don't know if she remembers, is just show up. Just put your body there and then see what happens. And the practice that she also suggested of noticing when you need to go to the bathroom. So this is the practice that I took up.

[29:29]

And in Christina's first practice period opening talk on Wednesday night, a few weeks ago, She asked how many people hold back when they get the sign that they have to go to the bathroom. And so a few people, you know, a little giggling or whatever, a few people raised their hands. I did. And I realized I was a little disappointed, you know, like this is, you know, the somatic work that we're going to be taking up for the practice period. And Christina's talking about peeing. And yesterday when I told Arlene I was going to talk about peeing, she said, oh, honey, that's going to be on the web. She said, maybe you want to talk about something else.

[30:32]

And I said, well, that's kind of like the heart of the talk. And she's like, okay, good. Good. So these practices are so simple, you know? They're so simple, you know, as we approach the falls, you know? It's a big deal, this life. And the practice of coming back to just being, these practices are so simple. So I started taking up this practice and I noticed immediately that when I get the signal that I have to pee, then an internal clock starts. So I'm talking to Jean and I get the signal and she has no idea because I just keep talking. I keep talking. And I know there's a clock that's going for as long as I know that this is really how long I have before I really have to go. And at that time,

[31:33]

time, something else is tracking. The internal clock is tracking. So I'm with you and I'm with the clock. So I've taken up the practice of excusing myself at the first call, at the first signal that I have to pee. And it's a little awkward. It's like, oh, Jean, you know, I'm sorry, I'll be right back. or I need to go to the bathroom. It's not how we're conditioned. So I get to see, I get to be with this awkwardness. At work, I've been doing this. I'm in the middle of helping someone and I say, I'll be right back. Or if I'm brave enough, I'll say, I'll be right back. I need to go to the bathroom. And then I'm back in a few minutes. It doesn't take very long. And what I'm noticing is my resistance to letting go of the trajectory of how I think things are going to go.

[32:44]

With the conversation, with helping the woman with the baby carrier, I'll be right back. And so I notice my resistance in pulling away. I notice the resistance of letting go. Can I let another rhythm go? dictate? Can I let another rhythm carry the way things are going to go? So in doing this, I've also noticed the magic that happens. I come back and this woman actually is talking with someone else who had that baby carrier and really loved it. And she's already made the sale. They've become friends. I don't know if they exchanged phone numbers, but they met as mothers, you know. So there's this very subtle letting go, but it's really a big deal. We're calculating all the time how things are gonna go.

[33:51]

Can I let something else actually mess with my plan? Something called the universe? pull that I feel inside? Or am I going to let this planning, thinking, head dictate? The other thing that I've noticed is the trust that Christina was talking about, that when we allow ourselves to relax, it builds more trust. So there's a little bit more trust that I'm taking care of myself. You know, self-care, it's this big thing now, you know, and it's a day at the spa, it's, you know, massage. These practices are so deceptively simple.

[34:57]

But there is a sense that I'm there for myself. that I am actually just letting myself be. So perhaps you've dropped back down into checking in with your body. Perhaps you're contemplating taking up a body practice and joining us. I bet there are a lot of people in this room who in the last few weeks have taken up body practice and would be very happy to share that experience with you at tea if you would like to ask. So as I mentioned, there's an awkwardness in this.

[36:11]

There's an awkwardness in just being. When my daughter was little, she would say, I hate it when I ask daddy questions. It takes him so long to answer. Her dad's his end priest. She's lucky to get an answer at all. So let's tune into those bellies. Allowing the breath to go places perhaps it hasn't been so curious about.

[37:15]

I think even in zazen, I've developed a habit body with this breath. It kind of goes to about here, I've noticed. in the last few weeks I've been welcoming it, encouraging it to bring some curiosity and kindness into some deeper realms. No creature is ever No creature ever falls short of its own completeness. Wherever it stands it does not fail to cover the ground. few years ago, I had many, many deadlines that were coming to a head.

[38:46]

And I told Christina that I was noticing when I would come from across the street from my office and come to the building that I was keeping my head down as I made my way to the Sangha room, to the meeting room. And She suggested, actually, that I slow down. That's really not what I wanted to hear. And to look up. And to not be afraid, or even just to notice. I don't know if she said not to be afraid. I was afraid that someone was going to slow me down. And... I started slowing down and I think that it was like, no one really noticed. It was maybe like a nanosecond of slowing down. And doing that, I actually realized, I trusted myself that I would get to the meeting.

[40:01]

I trusted that I wasn't going to let myself get caught up in something else. And just leaning back into my heels just the slightest bit helped me feel complete. So experimenting with that body practice. Perhaps in a specific hallway at work. Or perhaps as you get in the car to drive home. Another transition to notice this body. So I have more and I'm going to call that complete.

[41:03]

And I would like to end with, I guess not quite complete. I'd like to end with this poem that Miles shared with me from Paul's class that's being offered as part of the practice period. It's a Pablo Neruda poem. Now we will all count to 12 or 11 with the grandfather clock. and we will all keep still. For once on the face of the earth, let's not speak in any language. Let's stop for a second and not move our arms so much. It would be an exotic moment without rush, without engines.

[42:09]

we would all be together in a sudden strangeness. Fishermen in the cold sea would not harm whales, and the man gathering salt would not look at his hurt hands. Those who prepare green wars, wars with gas, wars with fire, victories with no survivors, would put on clean clothes and walk about with their brothers in the shade doing nothing. What I want should not be confused with total inactivity. Life is what it is about. I want no truck with death. If we were not so single-minded, about keeping our lives moving and for once could do nothing, perhaps a huge silence might interrupt this sadness of never understanding ourselves and of threatening ourselves with death.

[43:31]

Perhaps the earth can teach us as when Everything seems dead and later proves to be alive. Now I will count up to eleven and you keep quiet and I will go. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[44:22]

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