This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. So who are you so far in this achievement? How would you describe your dominant emotions? Your disposition? Is there more excitement than apprehension? Is there more apprehension than excitement? If you're new to this environment, you're new to this process, How are you handling being confronted with new structures, routines?

[01:05]

Did you become a little annoyed that you didn't receive sufficient instruction? Did you become a little distressed and disoriented? Find yourself becoming klutzy making mistakes with simple things. And as we start, Shashim, to remind ourselves, we've got nowhere to go. We're here, and we're not going anywhere. It is the generosity of this opportunity is to allow for that to be a lived reality. We're here.

[02:11]

Nothing special needs to happen other than complying and exactly performing the endless routines of so-to-so. just be here. And this inquiry of what's happening, well it's arising in the cell. It might seem like this is a deviation from the grand practice. that we're embarking upon. But actually, it's the very heart of the practice we're embarking upon. Dogen Zenji, the founder of this style of Zen, this way of practicing illuminates the dogma, illuminates the truth of whatever, the teaching of the practice.

[03:30]

It illuminates it. And it's what the heritage of Zen is what's passed from teacher to teacher, Buddha to Buddha. The essential functioning of it is. In Japanese, GGU's own. G is the self. GGU is receiving So I was over there having to make sense of all these weird terms. Continuous contact with this sort of involvement becomes engaged in a way that lets it become evident and lets it speak, lets it be heard, lets it be felt, in a way that's deeply informed.

[04:56]

Maybe if we want to get a little extravagant, we could say it becomes transcendent. So we start with what mind, what emotions, what behaviors are exhibiting themselves at the start of shift. A couple of weeks ago, I co-led a pastor retreat. In some ways, similar notion. Let's spend time together. collectively give over to the practice of worship. And one of the intriguing aspects, especially for Zen students, of which there was a bunch of us, one of the intriguing aspects of a Vipassana retreat is that the schedule is optional.

[06:06]

wonderful contrast to the Zen style, which actually is saying, as diligently as you can, follow the schedule. Pastness style is, do it as feels comfortable for you. Do it as feels appropriate to you. Zen style is doing. And of course, there's some benefit and wisdom to both sides, right? And then there's some potential deficit to both sides. do what is comfortable to you, well then, how will you not simply stray into self-practice?

[07:18]

How will you not simply resume the behaviors, the habits, the liking and disliking that engage our way of being and become a reinforcement of our habituated identity. And then on the Zen side, how will we not be so busy complying, letting whatever kind of performance anxiety we have, whatever kind of apprehension, be fueled by some need to comply with the external standard, to meet someone's approval, maybe even our own, to get it right, to succeed.

[08:24]

And the great balancing factor is the words. awareness, just the same way with our body. If you lean left and pay attention, you discover you're off balance. If you lean right, pay attention, you discover you're off balance. So especially, certainly I would say throughout, if you pay attention to your own process. gg you receiving the function of self pay attention to your own tasks if your apprehension manifests as holding back I didn't notice

[09:44]

where and when that happens. Try to notice, what is it devoted back from? What's the danger? What is it that needs to be preserved? And if you're being diligent, getting it right. Being diligent, complying. Notice that too. I would say for most people, especially in the first extreme, but even beyond that, this is a very tender type, this started tissue. Sometimes even our own deep dedication to practice, as it starts to arise, as we see

[10:53]

the vastness of it, the profundity of it, it's intended. This world of the self, even with its confusions, difficulties and limitations, offers a certain, familiar security. And as we see this invitation in a degree of being, is this word of not stay within the confines of habituated being? Can be intimidating. Like that, if that's what arises, Let it be felt.

[11:56]

It doesn't happen in contact with our rational mind. We're way too reasonable to be intimidated by something like that. It happens more in noticing the breath. Noticing the disposition of our body. Sometimes it's as if something special needs to happen. We're here to accomplish some great work. And I would say, hold it kindly. It's an expression of your deep sincerity. It's worthy of your respect.

[12:58]

You know, breathe into it kindly. Inhale, invite whatever is being held tight to soften and loosen. and release it with the exhale. Whatever is arising in the context of the construct of self, this is where we begin to practice. This is where we continue to practice, and this is where we return to practice. without exception this is what the teachers are taught this as the basis as the basis of our practice it's profound long thought

[14:33]

and also practical and has its application just in taking care of ourselves in the most ordinary sense. If arriving here, whether you lived here or came from some distant place, if arriving here, you arrive depleted. If you arrive with a lot of issues and concerns in your mind and heart, notice that. Sometimes as we start, especially start Sushima, we want to quickly put in place the focus, the serenity that facilitates Sushima. that really the heart and the mind of our practice is Jiji Nyozama.

[15:41]

The heart and mind of our practices, whatever is arising, is what we experience as the teaching of self, of now, of all existence. Indogit Dodo Zenji is saying, this is the heritage. This is how it is. This is the basis of what we do. So Shishima creates its own mandala of people. This Zen plan. Do. implicit in that is that in your awareness, with your awareness, you take care of yourself.

[16:45]

For those of us who have sat many machines, we have a sense of rhythm of the machine. Would it draw it? It would have a certain kind of a wave pattern. We come in, the anticipation brings a certain energy. As you start to settle, there's a shift, there's a softening. the issues and concerns of your normal life can't be quiet in general and there's both the softening and sometimes what feels like a decrease energy

[17:58]

Then there's a shifting and then a rising again. As engagement in the process, in the yogic process of our forms lifts the energy again. It's not something you may come. It's something you give over to. This is what took my introduction to me. We're giving over to a process that allows the construct of self to unbidden. And we facilitate that undoing through being its own. We don't beat each moment with notion of what it's going to create, what it's going to uncreate.

[19:09]

We beat the moment because that is what is happening. And human beings as we are, a lot of what's happening in our subjective world is the same. Vindogva Zenji says, that's how it's been, that's how it is, that's the practice. This grand territory called the sun. So one of the first challenges for us as we enter, as we begin to immerse, as we begin to initiate the way of life.

[20:12]

It's a shift from acting like the self to becoming aware of the self. As you walk through the Zenda with the servant part, What arises? The intimidation of all those seasoned Zen practitioners scrutinizing your form. Is that what comes up? One view of awareness. If it does, if it does, and if it doesn't, so what? What does come up? And this is part of the liberation of awareness.

[21:17]

It's not about courage. It's about knowing what's already happening. curiosity about what's happening, mellowing, ripening into trust. A trust in the process of practice. Understanding that as we engage, we will exhibit the ways in which the world, according to me, speaks thoroughly.

[22:28]

The world, according to me, has an allure, has a significance and a point I need to worry about what I worry about, because otherwise my life will fall apart. I need to desire what I desire, otherwise I will never be satisfied. And I need to have aversion about what I have aversion, otherwise that which will harm me and destroy me can't be kept at life. So as we continue to practice, these issues, these tendencies, they become way more evident. And we can see them and marvel at them.

[23:32]

This is the human religion. Sometimes they arise in the blade, obviously. Sometimes just some subtle way, your stomach tightens. Your mind wonders. You wonder, should I have another ladle of that? Or maybe the next ball will be more inviting. I'll wait for that. As we aim to shape, we just watch. Just watch and laugh. What is the self today? How does it function?

[24:39]

How is it under these conditions? It seems kind of intuitive, you know, when part of it says, wouldn't it be better to calm the mind? Wouldn't it be better to have a more settled country? This is not the teaching of our way. It's not the teaching of Dogon Zenji, and it's not the doctrinal basis of the Zen web. And it could even be said, it's not teaching of Shakyamuni.

[25:46]

It's studying the And as we study the self, we study the body of the self. Especially if you're near the sashimi. Shashimi is a yogic emotion. You're going to have seven days of yoga classes. You're going to have, what, nine or ten yoga classes a day. So I would encourage you to pay attention and learn how to accommodate your body being subjected to this kind of involvement. There is a body wisdom decision.

[26:54]

It arises from attending to the experience that happens on a physical basis. It arises in attending to what happens. What is it to breathe in the body and to breathe out in love. To let the breath breathe the body. And if you're new to this kind of immersion, be patient. It can feel mysterious, opaque, hyper-access but you do have a Baha'u and it is having sensations.

[28:10]

So just keep bringing attention to that Baha'u. This is one of the foundations of the Zenwa. Attempting to body. And of course we sit upright. Balance the weight of the sit box. Lift up slightly through the chest of the shoulders. Widen and soften. Bring the hands into mood. as best you can. This gentle balance between knowing what the ideal is and with that as a reference sitting with the guidance of the ideal as best you can.

[29:17]

And let that sitting be such that works for your body but that sitting be such that each period you're finding that delicate balance between slouching and trying too hard that delicate balance let it keep teaching you let it keep teaching The middle way. And notice the influence of your obituate way. Is your obituate way to push and spring? Is your obituate way to hold back a little bit, or a lot? The delicate balance. Because as we come into Shashim, we carry with us the patterns of doing of our usual state of mind.

[30:39]

And we're entering the end to a new world. We're entering into a mode of being and the great gift of that is that it will show us What are we bringing with us? Because there is interesting, there is renunciation. What do we recognize? We recognize all the ways we grasp at habituated beings. And as we're entering into the first day, not the whole seventies, we see this chip. We see sometimes where it moves smoothly. We see sometimes persistence of habituated self.

[31:49]

And when we see it, we experience it. Just as it is. And this basis of body, this basis of breath, this basis of attentive mind, in bringing forth as best as you can, this disposition. What's happening now? What's happening now? And as we repeat this process, it starts to see them.

[32:55]

It starts to show us the function of renunciation. We can start to see the clinging. the grassland. And they are not the enemy. They are not the doing it wrong. They are not the obstacle to the pure Zhang Wei. They are simply the functioning of conditioned existence. This is the great gift we can offer ourselves. This is, as Dogan Zenji says, this is the path of liberation.

[34:03]

Actually, in Dendewa, he said, this is Anikara Samyak Samdhovi. This is the path and the expression of complete holy camp. see the grasping and clinging that rises from condition of existence. So we sit with this great permission to be what we are. And as we offer this to ourselves, an offer to ourselves, an offer to ourselves. It offers a reassurance. It offers an okayness. It's okay to be what I am. This is the gift.

[35:16]

being willing to experience now. It's okay to be what I am and it's just the patterns of conditioned existence. And as we engage them like this, this reassurance facilitates how what arises is related to. It facilitates an okayness. It facilitates a non-reactivity.

[36:23]

Ironically, it facilitates the very attributes when we're trying to impose upon our mind. It facilitates a movement towards the settlement. It facilitates a movement towards distinct attention. the great difference is these arise because fundamentally we're softening the core agitation the core stimulation that we experience as the obstacle to being present when we assert self-preference and want to suppress the agitation, the movement of mind and heart.

[37:34]

We really just stand in the realm of agitation. When we address it completely, meet it for what it is, something in what feeds it starts to dissipate. This is the teaching of Antikara Sam Yaku Samboghi. This is the teaching of Dogen Zenji. And this is the teaching of Shattuman Guru. I come back. what's happening now at this point in the machine what is being noticed and with what mind is it being noticed is it disapproval

[38:58]

Is it defining how you engage in the moment? Or is it being seen as part of the moment? Breath after breath, we explore that. In here, after exhale. And of course, as we start the sailing, this machine This may seem peous, boring, irrelevant, in contrast to all the marvelous and wonderful things you have to worry about, be afraid of, desire, be regretful about, yearn for the future. They're much more interested in something as boring as this.

[40:09]

patiently we engage what arises. Is that so? Is that so? Can we invite it even closer and feel the emotion of it? Can we attend to it more clearly and see the mental activity of it maybe even see the physicality of it in the body this great mysterious quality of human consciousness we can be aware of the experience And then have a commentary on our own awareness.

[41:16]

Who is it we're providing the counter? To invite awareness back into the moment. Invite the moment to become completely itself. Okay. I think I tortured you. I tortured you enough for that. Here's a poem, just to suit your mind. It's hard not to love the world.

[42:29]

Of course it's not. It's hard not to love the world, but possible. When I'm like this, even the swallows are not gone. even the yellow school. When we start to see the workings of life, when we start to see how it imposes its version of reality, the possibility of more than that becomes apparent. Right now, my mind is asserting this version of reality. Okay then. How amazing.

[43:34]

How delicious. How intriguing. like the sign of the corner of the page in Laguna. And it starts to become active on a Sunday morning. And we're over. It's lovable. And even though it's hard not to love it, it's possible. when it's like this the signs of the traffic is unpleasant it's interfering it has a busyness to it it's 11-11 this child in person

[44:52]

Interrupted. When we see the adjectives as a function of mind, then the adjectives are just like yellow. Yellow on the yellow school bus. It's just like activity, like a swallowing, a splice will be gone. Liking and disliking, both have their own curiosity. When I'm like this, even the swallows I've got, even the other schoolmates, even the children inside, want them out, and I've got. Even the mind that says, this is not enough.

[46:07]

I need less. I need more. I need it to be different. I want it to be different. Even now. Just the sparkling expression of now. that we enter the good way. GGU continues the tension, the functioning of the self. What will it lead to? I don't know. It's always been like this.

[47:15]

This is the way Buddhism ancestors practice. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfzc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[47:49]

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