This podcast is offered by San Francisco's Zen Center on the web at sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. I'm smiling because while I was on mute, I was going to ask you if you could hear me okay, which obviously you couldn't. In the couple of moments I logged on before we started, I noticed that I was scanning those of you who have your videos on and noticing that I had some feeling of reassurance when I could see who I was talking to. It's a very interesting feeling, you know, somewhat vulnerable in that way in which sometimes we just, we need some reassurance.

[01:16]

Sometimes it's a blatant feeling for us and then sometimes it's just something very subtle. So thank you for your lovely faces. I think part of what it is When I look at practitioners' faces and see the sincerity of their practice and their presence, I find it reassuring. Not unlike for me, and I suspect for more than just me, taking refuge. There's something in us that... searches for reassurance, and all sorts of other things too. And we take refuge.

[02:17]

And often, in our taking refuge, that phrase is not in the foreground of our minds. It's expressed more through feeling, an intention, an aspiration, a yearning. So that's what I'd like to try to talk about this morning. Naturally enough, since the practice period is called taking refuge and creating refuge. And I'd like to try to talk about it in the context of Formal practice. Since this is a one-day sitting, and I think many of the people who were tuned in to this broadcast are participating in the one-day sitting.

[03:21]

But even if you're not, I still think it totally applies. I think most of us are aware of the notion that our whole life is Zazen. Every moment of consciousness, every moment of doing and being and engaging is zazen. And still. The formal posture of uprightness and openness and presence. Has a relevance. Has. a way of stimulating what we already are. In some ways, taking refuge, as I was saying a few moments ago, as very... addresses the human condition.

[04:32]

Maybe it's a sense of vulnerability or lacking or dissatisfaction that we reach out, we search, we open with expectation, we assert with intention. And as we do it, as we take refuge, something is received. The more thoroughly we open and give our attention, our presence, the more thoroughly we receive. And I think of in doings as in beings as in

[05:38]

in exactly the same dynamic, the same interplay, the same exchange. There's a phrase in Japanese, in Buddhism, called kano doko. A translation of that phrase I've seen quite a bit. is mystical communion when i was reading it this morning i was thinking you know i grew up catholic when we were children actually you mean you do it your whole life as a catholic but i stopped being a catholic past my childhood in one way we would call going up to receive the eucharist we would call it holy communion and i was thinking oh that's not so different from mystical communion i would just think you know when you find some deep connection back to something that was part of your childhood

[07:02]

That in a way, our attraction to practice evokes that which in us that already has a relationship to practice. And this is a fundamental point in the practice of sasa. In Zazen, we engage the body, we engage the breath, we engage being to discover how to be body, how to be breath, how to be being. This is why we call it practice. And this reciprocal relationship, this mystical,

[08:10]

between our effort and what arises. Since we were born, we were being body. Since we were born, we were being breath. We were being alive. And yet the very practice of Zazen, is to engage that almost as if we didn't know how to be. We engage it with an intention. We engage in it with a resolve. We engage it with a perseverance that when we stray away and get hooked by whatever arises in our mind and in our hearts that seems compelling to attend to in the moment.

[09:17]

And then when we notice it, we include it. Ah, another aspect of being. And we bring it back into being body and being breath. We can think of it as, you know, that aspect of refuge, of returning to original nature. As our experiences happen for us, we include them in being. In terms of citta bhavana, cultivation of consciousness, this noticing, acknowledging and including, it helps something within us to settle.

[10:28]

When we approach zazen with some notion of what should happen and what should not happen, then we're wrestling with ourselves who will win my intention or this complicated process of expressing being alive but when we acknowledge and include there is that struggle is set aside and we're inviting taking refuge. We're inviting returning to basic being. We're inviting to returning to the body that knows how to be body better than our mind does.

[11:41]

We're inviting returning to the breath It knows how to breathe the body. It knows how to go through this amazing process of turning air into breath and letting air exhale and turning back into what surrounds us. we're inviting something fundamental in our being that's always unfolding. I remember once I was talking to someone who was a poet, and they were saying, oh, my mind is so unruly, as in it's impossible. But as a poet, you're crafting the capacity to use the mind in creating beauty, in creating appreciation and in articulation that enhances being.

[13:07]

And so I said to the person, I said, how about thinking of mind and what it creates as one lifelong poem. It just continues. And in that moment, that's satisfying. Maybe it still does. I don't know. But that way of taking refuge as An expression of appreciation. An expression of befriending. What's happening. Can we bring that into. The intentionality. Of paying attention.

[14:13]

What we see. I'd offer you this suggestion. Each period at the beginning, don't assume that that will just automatically pop up. Because the nature of our karma is often, that's what pops up first. Whether it's our restlessness, our wish to take charge, or our wish to... escape from, or our wish. Sometimes it's a subtle kind of resignation. You just sit in a half dream, the mind just rattling away.

[15:15]

Each time we sit at the beginning, Can we remind ourselves? Can we remind mind and can we remind heart? That this is a process of giving ourselves a gift. This is a process of starting to get in touch with something intrinsic in our being. that has a wisdom, that has a knowledge of how to thrive. The more we engage breath and discover the subtleties of what it is to allow the India, to allow the pause, to allow the exhale, the more we discover the subtleties

[16:20]

of that allowing, of that experiencing, of that abiding, the more we tune into that intrinsic nature within us that has always been body, always been breath, always been being. And as we tune into that, we experience something like an enrichment, something in the area of a relief, a reassurance. And sometimes that's accompanied by

[17:22]

kind of poignant recognition that most of the time we're not offering ourselves that release, that relief, that reassurance. So it's so helpful. As we're beginning the period of Zazen, even if it's just an intellectual motion, but fully accompanied by some heartfelt involvement. This is an offering. This is an opportunity for opening to a benevolence that supports our human life. And when we can conjure it up in this way, less of a task.

[18:27]

Sitting a period of Zazen, sitting all day, is less of a task and more of an opportunity of discovering the subtleties of what helped a human life to thrive. And as we discover those subtleties, we create refuge. Something in us receives and acknowledges the invitation to be. And as we receive it and acknowledge it, something in us starts to blossom. And not to say it's a linear thing.

[19:33]

Someone asked me a question a couple of days ago, which I thought was terrific. They said, well, what I tend to notice in Zazen is wandering mind, loss of attention, persistent distraction. It feels more in the realm of failure than acknowledging benevolence. And I think it's helpful to remind ourselves that this is the nature of experiential learning. In the class that was a company, that is a company, the practice building, the notion that came up for me was learning to play the piano to be able to play the piano.

[20:39]

Or to put it in simple terms, we play the piano to be able to play the piano. playing the piano and the experiential learning that goes, that accompanies it, is we discover through our missteps what the appropriate step is. So each time mind wanders into it's karmic notions each time mind contracts around what causes it pain each time mind reaches out and tries to grasp what it yearns for each time mind it gets foggy as we attend to it we can learn something about

[21:55]

settled mind about clear mind about just being rather than desiring something then that's already present and and so there's a subtle request there for us in do we do we notice And just acknowledge only the distraction. Or when we already notice that the distraction has been replaced by presence. Can we notice, oh, what's happening now is presence. It's the consequence of having been distracted and having returned to presence. There's a very subtle Zen koan, maybe not so subtle.

[23:05]

There's a Zen koan that the teacher asks the student, he said, do you separate the grit from the rice or do you separate the rice from the grit? Do you notice the grit of failure or do you notice and acknowledge The rice. That nourishes your being. So as we sit. This kind of involvement. And discovering it. Through. Experiential learning. The concept is helpful. The principle is helpful. But discover. how to be it. Discovering how in that moment arises.

[24:05]

Do we acknowledge the grit or do we acknowledge the rice? It's an experiential learning. And in the process of experiential learning, we see more clearly the ways in which we tend to deviate. What will you see? You will see the ways in which your mind, your heart turn towards the grid. If that's part of your personality, that will arise. And so the inclusion of awareness includes that. Training. The learning through the experiential learning includes the tendencies of mind that want to say not enough, getting it wrong, making a mistake, failing.

[25:25]

And in that process, can we take refuge in just being is to can we create the refuge with the acceptance of being and in a way the very so-called failures or distractions that arise for us when they're accepted they're helping us expand and become more versatile in taking refuge. This too is now. This too is present. This too can be accepted and acknowledged. So in that process, we are creating

[26:30]

a wider version of refuge. And experiential learning is not mediated by our cognition, our cognitive mind. So, you know, is... mystical, this mysterious communication. It happens in the realm of experience. And being the thinking creatures that we are, we are inclined to insist upon it happening within the realm of our thinking. And this is why attending to the body and attending to the breath are, throughout the Buddhist traditions, the meditation process plays great, places great emphasis on attending to the body and attending to the breath.

[27:55]

Because they're sensitive, they invite us into experiencing with the other senses. You know, in Buddhism, mind is one of the senses. You know, that process of thinking and discriminating is just another sense, like seeing and hearing and tasting and touching and smelling. Can we return to the other senses? Can the physicality being be a touchstone? And there's a way in which, as we attend, we can start to become more aware of when mind is intruding and trying to take charge, which it usually does. But in our meditation, as we attend to body and breath,

[29:04]

as we attend to the breath in the body, when we diligently notice the sensation of inhale, how when the different parts of the body that are included and engaged in inhale, the throat, the upper chest, the lower chest, the abdomen, As we allow something to happen. As we allow her to become breath. As we invite an experience. The teaching for us is profound. Taking refuge. It has a richness, a depth.

[30:08]

as we take refuge in the inhale. Or as we say in our formal ceremony, immersing body and mind in the way. What is it to allow what's already happening to happen? What is it to flow with it? What is it to allow the heart to beat, the body to breathe. What are the sensate experiences of that allowing? What is it to pause? What is it for just a moment to discover stillness? Let something find its ease, its rest.

[31:16]

And then what is it to let go? To let it resume its flow and its natural fading away. To exhale like a sigh. And as we continue this practice, the discovery continues. And as we, as I was just saying a few moments ago, as we attend to the complexity that our mind creates and our heart, the feelings, the memories, the yearnings, the anxieties, the disappointments, the intrigues, the dramas.

[32:26]

Can each of them be invited into the simplicity of body breath? And this all-inclusive quality in Zen is called Big Mind. Usually our mind is thoroughly engaged in the complexities of our conditioned being. And which is fed by and stimulated by what we want to have happen and what we want to stop happening. and the struggle between the two. And as we can invite that into awareness, as we can take refuge that includes that, we discover that being in the middle of that, almost paradoxically,

[33:43]

starts to show us liberation. It starts to show us the disposition of non-grasping and non-aversion. It's being included and accepted. And as we As we engage in that way, we discover a more spacious being than the mind that's just conditioned and defined by our karnic tendencies. In some ways, we could say, as we glimpse big mind, as we taste it, as we just feel the disposition of that spacious mind.

[34:57]

We're learning, we're discovering a more thorough taking refuge. And as we discover a more thorough taking refuge, we're also inviting in creating refuge. We're discovering a William being that has a versatility, has a adaptability. The phrase that Suzuki Roshi famously translated as beginner's mind. In the beginner's mind, there are many possibilities. I suspect almost all of us who are listening to this talk know that phrase, because it's just so powerfully clear.

[36:09]

In the beginner's mind, there are many possibilities. The word hindrance in Sanskrit, it's like, I read one translator who said, one way to understand what it's proposing is it's like being walled in. We're walled in to a limited way of being. That's what a hindrance is. We're being hindered from greater being, wider being, more open being, more versatile being, more adaptable, more creative. And so in our zazen, are we imposing some walls? Are we trying to assert some fixed way of being?

[37:11]

Mind should be like this. Tension should be like this. What would it be to sit with that wonderful Zen notion of don't know? Don't know what is gonna arise. Don't know who you are. Watch what arises and it'll teach you who you are. Taking refuge in this greater being. Calling forth the big mind that facilitates the refuge, that facilitates the beginner's model.

[38:16]

And then letting it move from the formal structure of body and breath and move into the activities of our life which activities do we get drawn towards and engage enthusiastically which activities do we procrastinate about Oh yes, I should do that. Tomorrow. But today, I'll browse the internet. Or whatever. Whatever seems to be an appropriate substitute. Is that a failure? Is browsing the internet a failure? Are you in trying to include that part of yourself, or are you trying to exclude it?

[39:24]

As you notice and acknowledge, is something in you tighten? Is something in you soften with compassion and patience? With being in mind, the activity of life comes in inquiry. In Zen terms, it becomes a con. What is the con of appropriate response when you notice the impulse to, I'll just browse the internet. Surely, in the vastness of that, there's something absolutely wonderful. Much more attractive and appealing than washing the dishes or whatever it is the utility of your life or the function of your life is presenting and can we can we take refuge in the whole process

[40:45]

This is the Bodhisattva way. Delusions are inexhaustible. Mind is mind. Mind will stay busy creating its exquisite lifelong poem. Stanza after stanza. Maybe someday we'll have a gadget that can transcribe our thoughts and we can read them with awe later. Look at that. How did I jump from that to that and back to that in three seconds? Mind is amazing. Big mind just holds it.

[41:56]

Ah, so it is. Immersing body and mind deeply in the right, awakening true mind. True mind in which there's no untrue mind. And as we do that, the benevolence that that creates, we trust it. That limited way, we demand something of ourselves. I should never be thinking it doesn't.

[42:59]

I should be absolutely resolutely attentive to every minute detail of sensation that arises when we can see that when we can deeply appreciate its sincerity when we also let it go. We're creating a trustworthy process. Something in us relaxes. Maybe this process that somehow I've gotten into called Zen, maybe indeed

[44:00]

can be a friend rather than a nagging demand for me to be perfect. Maybe there's something in it that can nurture this life. And through that nurturing, I can meet others. I can engage them. I can offer them the same patience, acceptance, and appreciation that I'm trying to offer myself. Maybe it can open the door to a benevolence that the whole planet and every being in it is thirsting for. Maybe it can invite us all to hold, in a tender way, the dilemmas and ... conflictions that are going on around us.

[45:26]

What is Putin gonna do next? wonder if even Putin knows. This is our life. This is our world. Beings are numberless. I vow to practice with them, to take refuge in the engagement with them. include everyone and every being in this creation of refuge maybe it's utterly foolish to say that out loud or maybe it uh

[46:32]

speaks to something within us. Tagore said in a poetic way, which I can't remember, but here's the gist of it. He said, I was caught in the dilemma to live a life of joy or a life of service. And then in engaging the opening to greater being, discovered and boasts with the joy and the service. Taking refuge, creating refuge. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma Talks are offered free of charge. And this is made possible by the donations we receive.

[47:36]

Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we all fully enjoy the Dharma.

[47:49]

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