Intimacy

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SF-02725
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Sesshin #1 (Post-it note from Lou "Do you have a tape player? I'd like to check this one more time")

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and enjoy
throw a little clinker in key management here
as i understand the intimacy
of that package coming together this form
of dharma taught
during non go
it begins with of bowing to each other
and it's a little awkward to figure out quite how to do that
the will work it out
no the first thing it says and the guidelines or at least as i remember the guidelines it was the very first thing on the page i noticed when me and you know regiment was the last thing you read
it's a quotation from suzuki roshi
in which he tried to
say something about what our practice together here is going on know
what the practice of sunday in
that student should be more intimate should be as intimate as milk and water
more intimate than that even because we are all friends
he gathered from previous lifetime
practicing
this way together
here and now
i think maybe of the intimacy of a fish and water
no cash is so intimate with water he doesn't even know
that he the wanted
but very life of the page depends on the way
the fish is completely supported by the water
the fish machines everything it needs from the water
it has no notion of being separate from it
and she took iraqi working and saying was this is the kind of antipathy
that will support our practice
that will support us in answering our innermost requests
in satiating are passionate inner desire to experience our homeless are none separateness
our oneness with everything
who really have a on direct complete experience of not want not to
but when we have the of that experience it's not our own
it doesn't belong to anyone
he just is what it is
but our ability to express and ourselves
wholeheartedly
in the world our ability to respond appropriately whatever arises in our life
rose from that experience
of intimacy
that experience opponents of completeness
and i think that
those of you who did not know the opportunity to know this isn't even though she may be can't understand the kind of devotion that you hear from those to practice with him because to have someone see you
directly
as whole and complete
to be seen in that way
when is something very very deep within us and awakens
how can he was right
and turns us toward this request is unknown in one
to experience directly
our wholeness and connectedness and nine separateness from all that is
so when he says to save
all beings
is to save ourselves
to save ourselves is to save all beings it's not
it's not one and then the other it's they don't follow one after the other they are one thing to liberate ourselves is to the brain are been to liberate all beings is to liberate ourselves
but this longing that we be on this innermost request that we feel is as he says like reaching for a pillow groping for a pillow in the dark we don't know what we're reaching for
but we're reaching for something
and so
we come to a place like this
to gather together with a group of other people
who are also reaching in the diet
and perhaps if we are most fortunate
we will meet
in that way
in which we realize no separation
but you know can we trust one another can we trust this situation can we allow ourselves
to be that intimate
you don't mail said at the beginning of real hot says she and berkeley if your ego knew that you were taking it into session to slaughter it it would never let you come
the same is true of coming to ago
this ego is separate self is an idea that we have
of someone separate special

this notion of a separate cell
which we all hold so dear
stands in the way of
finding what we're looking or as we growth in the dark
when so our practice is
it's just a play back and forth between this longing
and this thinking that we are safe in our separateness
what if this
when we've spent a lifetime developing
whatever particular notion we have
of ourselves whatever ah
whatever particular
set of
concepts
descriptions definitions
that we identify with
we spent a lifetime putting it together
and if it were safe and if we were content with it why would we be here
why would we go to all this trouble
most of us have gone to quite some
trouble to get ourselves here
why
what for
if you are content
with this with his precious separate self that that we have have put together overall these years
if it's all
cozy and comfortable as it is my bother
there must be some reason we came here
who must be something
it's not subtle yet
he so he throw ourselves into the spot
what we're not yet ready to just be all one flavor
to let all of these flavors blend make one delicious stew
we want to keep
particular flavor this particular nugget
somehow impact
and we must think that
the way in which we throw ourselves together here is is quite extreme
but if we had the facility
for real sodo
where we each have one for tommy that space
in the sodo and another one to ponder that space in the cheerio
and no privacy at all
we would see that
we allow ourselves and tassajara a great deal of
space to hide out and remain separate
to not see
all of those little particularities with which we identify
all those little ways in which we keep ourselves separate
we all have a private room to go back to and close the door
so although we're quite intimate here
we'd have our little protections for we go
so in the space that we do share together here in the zendo
we have to make even greater effort to find our intimacy
and one of the ways in which we do that
is
in our service and bowing together and chanting together
how can we learn to chant together as one voice
suzuki roshi used to say shit with your ears
hit with your ear
when you are chatting
be aware of the channing all around you and blend with it become one with it
no one voice should predominate
perhaps the coquille or the ino only
to set the pace
and even though we may think that we know what the pace should be unless we've been given that responsibility by being fulfilled or know
we should let the one who has that responsibility said the pace
and we should take great hair
to chat with everyone
and we should take great care to allow our voice the blend with everyone so it has one voice
when i first came to so code your temple
two
practice
i was very here to jump right in and participate
and so during service i was chatting with a very loud voice
and little she walked over to me during service and said
you can chant so that you may hear the voices of the people next to the then he walked back to
that's right during so very quietly my ear
so i never forgot
so it actually it was a great kindness though i was a bit of bears
and sometimes i'm tempted to do that
but somehow
it feels like maybe
what seems so natural that i didn't feel so singled out but i think if i did it here and now someone might feel quite singled out and embarrassed and upset and angry
there it doesn't yet i don't want anyone to be angry with me
so perhaps i'll take a chance if i hear some voice sticking out above the crowd and they just walk over and say please chat with your news
it's one of the ways in which we can give up our separateness
and joined with everyone it's it's very simple
or when we find ourselves
hmm trying to lead the pack i noticed in the road chair
i'm shedding very last thing i noticed that this morning
i think i know how the river with the road kid goes on i'm afraid you don't and i want to be you get it
so i noticed this morning i was kidding very loudly
it's not my job
your job
so can we help each other in this way
when we see ourselves sticking out say oh
hmm
i'm being special with him
what happens i mean we're going along
the intimate
being
connected with everything and then some thought
some judgment
some preference
some irritation
separates us cuts us apart and leaves us like a fish out of water
how can we take a chance and jumped back in the water
can we lose ourselves
here in the midst of this saga
can we take such a risk
can we trust one another that much
can we trust the situation network
can we trust the buddha dharma that much
do we have a choice
huh
shall we stay separate with their own
special
rand of suffering
i shall we just join in with everyone suffering
when find our joy
if that intimacy
that dangerous intimacy
in which we may lose ourselves completely
if we're lucky
see if you can cultivate some awareness
of the ways the particular ways
when you separate yourself
in which you hold yourself apart
in which you set up some
special special specialness
this video raji once said also we all want to be special
sometimes if we can't be especially good than we want to be specially bad
but just being ordinary how about that
just being an ordinary buddha
one of them
huh
there is no safety here
there is no safety in this life at all
there is only the moment
by moment
living of our life as it arises
but there is nothing to hold onto
this life will slip between your fingers like tassajara creek if you get out there and you try to hold on the khazar greek what have you got
a closed is
what will you come to the end of your life still trying to hold onto something like that
or will you open your arms and embrace all of who you are
and not try to hold on to any other
huh
huh
huh
he should be as intimate
as milk and water
more intimate than that
where we're all friends from previous lives practicing his way together
huh
why would like to say
a one more thing about being kind to yourself
as you know you can take this off and you can
when you notice yourself being special when you notice yourself grabbing on
to a preference a definition
a judgment
and you can beat yourself over the head with it
or you can say oh good for you you notice
there is a self clinging ah
good
i saw it
it's a big difference
in
noticing and criticizing yourself
and noticing and appreciating that you know
and one of the biggest differences is you will allow yourself to notice more and more clearly how you separate yourself
having some that very practicing of kindness and compassion for yourself
and for your own habitual tendencies
that allows you to be kind and compassionate
with your brothers and sisters here
if you notice their self me
and their habitual tendencies
it allows you to be less critical and less judgmental of others if you find out how to be less critical and less judgmental of yourself
oh i see that's how i do
oh
that's why feel said
someone told me once
that ah
they had a lot of trouble with anger
and they felt very isolated
and then they were studying the abi dharma
and saw that
the decision was to margaret said the function of anger is separation
and she said oh
that's why i feel so isolated
the function of anger is separate
so if we look so naturally
if we're at the anger is of pushing things away so this this is this is it's function
so if you will come angry with yourself
are you become angry with that
when you see
some habitual tendency
have some self clean
this this is what separates us this is what hinders our intimacy
if we're going to be intimate we have to allow each other and ourselves to be who we are
we have to be willing to be moving
and we have be willing to let everyone else maybe they are
have we do it
why don't know but let's try
let's just do the best we can
and that's who we are
who is let's the
like fish and water
how did we find that was jumped out of the creek and have landed on the bank jump back in again
there's plenty of water around for us to
oh that said metaphor we here at all rather spit
huh
i haven't so much to say that i'm so enjoying sitting here listening to the water
when breathing with you
huh
huh