Hello again. Happy New Year. Been a lot of festivities around here the last few weeks. And this morning we had our first sitting together for the January intensive, which will be going on for the next three weeks. And there are a lot of people. It's really nice to be in this endo with all the seats pretty much taken. It's been a while since COVID has really, as you probably know, has reduced our attendance. down to kind of bare bones with just residents for a while. Now we have folks coming from outside again, and it's a really nice feeling. So maybe some of you heard Reb's lecture this morning. He's been focusing on the Avatamsaka Sutra, which is also in English the Flower Ornament Sutra. And it's quite something. If you heard his lecture this morning, I forget how many pages he said, but my... Avatamsaka Sutra is about that thick and quite heavy.

[01:14]

And very small print, many, many thin pages. So it's, I think, what they call a tom. And if you just ever have a chance to be near one and just open it to any page and start reading, you pretty much get the flavor of the whole. Each page has this certain kind of quality of ungraspability. and yet they're words you know, like flowers and ornaments and sutras and all that sort of thing, and bodhisattvas and Buddhas and world systems and flower ornament lands and on and on and on. So there's a lot of adjectives and a lot of very vibrant language. It's not really clear. I think many of us have speculated on how that sutra was written in the first place. I mean... How did they get together like once a week and just kind of brainstorm or were they in some kind of profound samadhi binge and everything was just pouring out of them?

[02:16]

It's really almost impossible to imagine how this was written and yet there it is. So the emphasis of the Flower Ornament Sutra is really very much the same as... as Dogen's teachings. And of course, Dogen read the Flower Ornament Sutra. He's read all of it. He'd read everything by the time he was a teenager. So he was well-versed in this teaching and in the profound impact that it had on the tradition. on that Mahayana tradition. It's an infinitely expanding feeling when you read that. It's like Indra's net, if you know that image of all the jewels that reflect each other. The universe says Indra's net. It's kind of like that when you look at these photographs from the giant telescopes, just these sparkling jewels that are all reflecting one another back. And we're catching the light from a few billion years ago and all kinds of exciting things that are going on. And that spirit is really captured in the Flower Ornament Sutra, and in Dogen.

[03:20]

Dogen's writing, you can just feel the resonance with these teachings. So I said a few weeks back that I wanted to end our study of Uji, and I will do that today. I want to talk about that a little bit first, because I realize there's so much more that could be said about this essay. In fact, I barely scratched the surface of some of the things that Shinshu discovered and brings out in her book called Time Being. And I've enjoyed reading her book very, very much. And I plan to continue. But I don't really feel like it's something I want to continue to just try to grapple with as a topic for us together. I think it's getting a little bit... For me, it's a little bit... The word esoteric comes to mind. It's a little out there, a little far-reaching. I think I want to get a little more grounded in our conversations.

[04:23]

So we have looked at a lot of Dogen. In fact, I'm getting ready to let Dogen go as well, at least for now, and to finish the transmission of light. We're so close. There's just one more chapter in the Transmission of Light, which is where we started a couple years back with Shakyamuni Buddha's awakening, and went through a number of those cases. The chapters in the Transmission of Light, for those of you who've been there, are relatively short. They're just a few pages, and in each of those stories is the awakening of one of our ancestors. that are on our lineage charts. So starting with Shakyamuni Buddha, there at the top, and then coming down through all these different Indian ancestors and the Chinese ancestors and then Japanese ancestors. And so far, Transmission of Light doesn't have any Westerners in it, but maybe someday somebody will write the expanded version of the Transmission of Light. So, so far, we've looked at a number of, as I said, and you know, a number of Dogen's very important essays.

[05:25]

We looked at the Fukanza Zengi, Instructions for Zazen, for Seated Meditation, Genjo Koan, Bendowa, Endeavoring to Practice the Way, and the Tenzo Kyokun, which was the teachings for the head cook of the temple. And, you know, I've been feeling that many of you may still be inspired to go on reading Dogen essays. There are a lot of them. Shobo Genzo, his masterwork, I think, has somewhere between... Counted between 70 and 90, depending on the version of the Shobo Genzo. And there was a time when I sat with my teacher, Reb, and for a couple of years, each week we would read a different fascicle or essay, Dogen essay. And our assignment was to write a four-line poem. For each of those essays, I have my little book of four-line poems, which sometimes I go through again and I go, wow, that was really a good try. Trying to come up with some way of meeting this language, you know, with your own language, which is a really nice thing to do.

[06:30]

And something I would invite you to try as well is putting your own words or your own, what strikes you when you read some of these essays. It's very welcome to do that and welcome to share if you have done that. So I would like to suggest that those of you who would like to go on reading Dogen, do that. The essays in Moon and a Dewdrop are the first ones that I read when they were published many, many years back. And there are certainly newer translations of the entire Shobo Ganso available. And if you do that and you would like to share some of your thoughts or insights about any of those fascicles, you're welcome to bring them anytime you like. And we can talk about them together. So, as I said, I have this urge to move on from Dogen to the story of Gwanejo, Dogen's Dharma Air, which has its own interesting conclusion to the transmission of light. And then, as I was looking for a kind of next step, or maybe a next leap, following our Dogen studies, I was inspired in reading Shinshu's...

[07:40]

teaching on this early part of Uji, she makes this comment that I thought was really interesting and kind of piqued my interest in following up perhaps on a review of the Bodhisattva precepts. Giving precepts has been a really big part of my life for the past several months and will continue to be so for at least another week, if not more, because I plan to continue offering precept classes in the upcoming year. Once I've moved from Green Gulch and we'll be living up in Sonoma, I will hope to continue offering precepts for people who'd like to study. So actually on Sunday, next Sunday, week from today, there's going to be our second precept ceremony. This time, everyone's not away on vacation. As the last one, we had a wonderful ceremony and the few students who were here were very kind enough to support it and participate with us. This time we've got a full Zendo. So that'll be a different experience for everyone, but really nice, I think, for the students here for the intensive to see this particular ritual happening.

[08:50]

And so Guy and Lisa Plantefarber, who are two members of our ongoing members of our Sandic program, are going to receive the precepts. So... And, of course, any of you who are in the area would like to come, you're very, very welcome. It's going to be at 2.30 on Sunday in the Zendo. Is that this Sunday or the week from today or the next Sunday? The 14th, week from today. Oh, wow. I had it for the 21st. Oh, it was. It moved around a little bit. And Green Gulch, because of the intensive, had a very small window to offer me. And so that was it. So they said the 14th. 14th at 2.30, right? Yeah. I hope you can come, Dean. That was wonderful having you here last time. If you were here last week, you saw the photographs Dean took, and they're extraordinary. What a gift to all of us.

[09:51]

Yes, next week. So I thought I would reflect a little bit on this commitment to the Bodhisattva precepts. which is such a visceral part of Soto Zen and the Soto Zen that Dogen brought back from China. He brought these precepts to us and really held them up as the core of what is transmitted. Transmission of light is transmission of the Bodhisattva precepts. So in making this decision about where to go next, In our conversation, I thought I would share with you this reflection that Shinshu made that connected this essay, time being essay, with the precepts and where it was that she touched on that point. And it has to do with Dogen's teaching, what he's saying here in Uji. So in the fifth chapter of her book, for those of you who are enjoying reading Shinshu's wonderful work on Uji,

[10:55]

there's chapter five is called embodying the world in which she's discussing the beginning part of uji and she's using a translation a little different than the one in moon and dewdrop so if you're familiar with that her translation that takes place in her text is done by masayo abe and norman waddell and here's here's what they say we set the self out in array we set the self out in array an array arrangement. We set the self out in array and make the whole world. We must see all the various things of the whole world as so many times. These things do not get in each other's way any more than various times get in each other's way. And because of this, there is an arising of the religious mind at the same time. And it is the arising of time of the same mind. There's Dogen's turning, dancing.

[11:55]

So it is with practice and attainment of the way. We set ourself out in array and we meet that. We set ourself out in array and we meet that. Such is the fundamental reason of the way, that ourself is time. And then Shinshu goes on to discuss this concept of setting ourself in array, meaning to place or to set ourself in accord with with something or with someone or with an event or with some interaction. So this is dynamic. We're talking about a dance partner for us. Each of us dances all day long with the objects of our awareness. And as it says, sometimes it's a person, sometimes it's a place, sometimes it's an activity, sometimes it's an exchange, various kinds of temperature or feelings or whatever. So this is setting ourself in array, is in arraying We're arranging ourselves in relationship to the world, to the appearances that are coming from the world, what we call the world.

[13:01]

So for Dogen, setting ourself in array is setting ourself in correct relationship with the world, not just any old relationship. This is where the precepts are starting to come in. There's a correct relationship to the world, a relationship that is continually changing, whether we are aware of it or not aware of it. In every moment, including this one we're sharing right now, we are emerging into a new context with a new perspective on a non-repeating universe. Okay? There's a new context and a new perspective on a non-repeating universe. A context in which all of the Buddhas of the past and the present and the future, as Dogen says, are practicing together with this person, each of us. So this is kind of the good news. This is this expanded universe and all the different jewels are reflecting one another.

[14:04]

All the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas are reflecting all the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. And we are those jewels. We are those jewels as well. Awareness itself is the light of the jewel. You know, you come into this world aware. And we stay that way. till the end of our life. Well, we don't even know what happens after that. Maybe just a big awareness, you know, universal awareness doesn't require much of us, you know. Interesting to speculate about what's next. But for now, we can just deal with how it is for us in the human form to know that we have this vastness, you know, at our backs. There's a great vastness. So this way of understanding the interdependence of practice and of time and of Buddhas and of being is not only about understanding reality, you know, better, more open understanding, but it's about fully living that reality, you know, in this very dynamic relationship that arises in each and every moment.

[15:05]

You know, moments that are being made by us and then in turn... are making us. So this is dependent core rising. These are all terms you're familiar with. And I like refreshing those ideas. I read Dogen and say, oh, I hadn't thought of that before. Oh, yes, I have. Different words. So sometimes it's very helpful when these different words come out our understanding and help to open each other up in this way. So moments are being made by us and in which, in turn, we are being made. So we make the moments and the moments make us. That reminded me of this Zen image of washing your hands, that left and right hands washing each other. It's a unique and reciprocal and unobstructed everyday event. Which one is washing which one? This is an incredible exchange of kind regard. I'm going to wash you and you're going to wash me at the same time. So washing your hands, left and right hands washing each other. This is what it's like for us to be in the world.

[16:09]

So this way of seeing, as we know, is quite the opposite of how we have been taught to think of ourselves and of the world, a world in which I have been confined over here. And you, all of you, the world, so to speak, have been confined over there. So it's really our confinement that we are challenging. This wall of separation that we not only believe in, but we support with our activities in life, our self-protection, our self-regard, our self-love, selfishness, basically, is behind that imaginary wall. I'm going to protect myself, and at the same time, I'm going to separate myself from the intimacy that could be there in its place. So when Dogen says in the Genjo Koan to carry the self forward and experience myriad things is delusion, he's referring to this lifelong conditioning that we've all gone through.

[17:15]

All of us have had that conditioning in which we are trained to see ourselves as agents of control. And that our job in the world is to control things as best we can, right? And as quickly as we can. So Shinshu uses the example of driving a car as a good way of imagining ourselves being in control. So I just read this and I was thinking about that yesterday. I had this example, a living example of myself yesterday, driving two hours round trip to attend my sister's 80th birthday party in a small town a little north of Sacramento. So... Maybe it was because of reading this essay or maybe others like it, but I didn't think I was in control of that experience, not even for a split second. My only job was to maneuver this very large metal machine between the rows of very fast-moving other metal machines on either side of me without, if all possible, touching any of them or having any of them touch me.

[18:21]

I mean, that was kind of the game we were playing. And then, as if this idea of being in control or the hubris of being a good driver might come upon me, it started to rain. And so it was like, if I thought I was in control before it started to rain, I was sure I wasn't in control once it started to rain. So as Dogen goes on to say in the Genjo Koan, that myriad things come forth and experience themselves is awakening. You know, here comes the rain. Here comes a fast car. Here comes a semi on your tail, you know. It's like myriad things come forth and experience themselves. That's awakening. And boy, it does. You know, it wakes you up. I felt very awake the whole drive, both ways. So this is also known as a confirmation of the arrayed self. This arrayed self that Dogen is talking about in Uji. This is confirmation of the arrayed self. It's that things are coming forth and experiencing themselves through us.

[19:23]

Not us going forward and experiencing things. Like, I'm driving this car. No, no, no, no, no. I'm at the mercy of all of these factors. So then the next question that often comes to my mind has to do with how. You know, how do we go about conducting ourselves in an all-inclusive way, in an all-inclusive universe? And how do we do that? And how do we allow the myriad things to come forth and experience themselves through us? Well, thinking about yesterday, one good way, one at least from my experience then, was that I had learned how to drive. So that was good. And I'd recently passed a driving test. So that was also good. And an eye test, another good thing. And another was knowing, deeply knowing, that my own safety and the safety of many other people depended on all of these conditions that were taking place in the context of those precious moments. And those moments were whizzing by at about 70 miles an hour, right?

[20:28]

You all know this. You've all been on those freeways. It's a thing. It is a thing. And then the other thing that was very good is not to lose focus. and certainly not to doze off. So these are all conditions which are not under my control, but which I definitely cared about with all my heart in hopes of celebrating successfully my sister's birthday. I actually did fall asleep one time when I was a young person and not so caring or not so smart about how dangerous those highways are. And I was tired and I was out late and I wanted to go home. And on my way home, I got sleepy. I opened the windows. Some of you probably had this experience. And, you know, get all the cold air in there. And I still was sleepy. But instead of pulling over, I thought, well, I can do this. And then all of a sudden, I... found my car drifting over onto the shoulder of the freeway. And that woke me up. And that's the last time I have ever let myself get into a state like that.

[21:33]

So, you know, you don't have to do it very often to realize that this is a very dangerous situation that we put ourselves in here, right? So we want to take care. We want to be caring of our own safety, our own well-being, and, of course, the well-being of others. This is a communal experience driving on the freeway. So being able to hold both ourself and the world in a caring way is really the heart of Buddhist teaching. I mean, that's kind of it, you know, to care, to really care for others, care for the world. And being able to discern what is an appropriate action in any given moment is a skill that we continually endeavor to improve throughout our life. So connecting this awareness of time being with the most active practices of our daily life is where the Bodhisattva precepts are coming into play. So in Chapter 5, Shinshu says that actualizing the Bodhisattva precept is the enactment of setting oneself out in a ray and of making the world.

[22:43]

Actualizing the Bodhisattva precepts is the enactment of setting oneself out in a ray and of making the world, and in particularly of making the world a better place for everyone. So as much as Dogen helps us to see reality more clearly, it's the precepts that he brought back with him from China that teach us how to joyfully dance with her. And how? How do we do that again and again? How? How do I do that? Well, we don't kill her, or steal from her, or lie to her. We don't poison her, insult her, praise ourselves at her expense. We don't hate her. We don't withhold our love from her. We don't tailgate her, and we don't run her off the road. It's pretty easy. And we don't do that because we love her. We love the world, and we love ourselves. And as it says in the loving-kindness meditation, just as a mother cares for her only child, so we care for one another and for this precious world.

[23:48]

If only, if only. So as I said, I am thinking that it's time to leave Uji and move back to this last chapter of the Transmission of Light, the place where we started a few years back now, and on to the story of Koan Ejo. Koan Ejo was Dogen's attendant for 20 years. I was just reading a little bit about him. He was very, very devoted to Dogen. And he wrote down almost everything that Dogen said. So he was both his scribe and his attendant. And he was his successor who became the second abbot of Aheji after Dogen had passed away. So before leaving Uji, though, I thought I would like to suggest a couple of places where we might go next. And I'd be grateful for any suggestions you all have of things you might like to study together. We could look at precepts for a few weeks. And then I thought maybe we could study some koans from the Zen tradition.

[24:50]

There are lots of those, and they're wonderful. And we could also read Suzuki Roshi. And any of your thoughts or wishes are more than warmly welcome as well. So before I abandoned the Dogen study for the time being, I thought I would just read this last couple of pages, which are... One of the reasons I feel like I'm just kind of not so drawn to continue with Dogen is because Dogen speaks for himself. You can read Dogen and you got it. You got what he's saying. You don't necessarily need to have commentary. Commentary is kind of fun, but I think Dogen is making commentary on the most important thing. The treasury of the true Dharma, I. as he calls his collection of writings. So great master Yang Dao of Mount Yao, Yao Shan, instructed by Shi To, the great master Hu Ji, once went to study with the Zen master Dai Ji of Jing Zhe.

[26:01]

And I don't know if I'm pronouncing those correct, probably not. But anyway, these are Zen masters who are going to be having a conversation now. Yao Shan asked, I'm familiar with the teaching of the Three Vehicles, and the 12 divisions. But what is the meaning of Bodhidharma coming from the West? So the three vehicles are the Shravaka vehicle, which is the hearers, those are the early Buddhists who basically heard the Buddhist teaching and practiced in the early wisdom teachings, practiced with those practices of the early wisdom teaching. The Prajika Buddhas, that's the second of the three vehicles. And those are the solitary Buddhas who are enlightened, but they don't teach. So they're just sort of like out there. Prajika is like a rhinoceros. They're just standing in an open field with their horn pointed at the moon. Very nice. But they don't have any descendants. So they haven't really had much of an impact on transmitting the Dharma to the next generation.

[27:03]

So the Shravakas, the Prajika Buddhas, and then the Bodhisattvas are the third vehicle. And that's the vehicle that we're all riding on. is the bodhisattva vehicle. And then he says, so he says, I'm familiar with the teaching of the three vehicles and of the 12 divisions. And the 12 divisions are the sutras. There's 12 divisions of the Buddhist teachings called the sutras. But what is the meaning of bodhidharma coming from the West? Zen master Daoji replies, for the time being, have him raise his eyebrows and wink. For the time being, do not have him raise his eyebrows and wink. For the time being, to have him raise his eyebrows and wink is right. For the time being, to have him raise his eyebrows and wink is not right. So hearing these words, Yao Shan experienced great enlightenment, and he said to Dai Ji, When I was studying with Shirtou, it was like a mosquito trying to bite an iron bull.

[28:06]

What Daiji said is not the same as other people's words. The eyebrows and eyes are mountains and oceans. Because oceans and mountains are eyebrows and eyes, to have him raise the eyebrows is to see mountains. To have him wink is to understand oceans. The right answer belongs to him. And he is activated by your having him raise the eyebrows and wink. Not right does not mean not having him raise the eyebrows and wink. Not to have him raise the eyebrows and wink does not mean not right. These are all equally time being. In fact, you won't find anything that isn't equally time being. So again, if you heard Reb's lecture this morning, he was basically saying that. Thus, he used the term thus. Thus have I heard. And thus is sort of shorthand for time being. All together now. Everything, everywhere, all at once. That's the all-inclusive universe that they're talking about here.

[29:10]

Mountains are time. Oceans are time. If they were not time, there would be no mountains or oceans. Do not think that mountains and oceans here and now are not time. If time is annihilated, mountains and oceans are annihilated. As time is not annihilated, mountains and oceans are not annihilated. This being so, the morning star appears. The tathagata appears, the eye appears, and raising a flower appears. Each is time. If it were not time, it could not be thus. Here's that word thus. So here he's referring to the morning star, the Buddha's awakening at the moment of the morning star. That's when the thus come one appears, the Buddha appears, the eye appears, and the raising of the flower, which is the Dharma transmission from Buddha to Mahakashapa, I'm sure you know that story of the Buddha held up a flower and of all the monks in the audience, Maha Shapa faintly smiled and that was considered the transmission of Dharma in Zen.

[30:19]

That's where it all started. It's with the flower and the smile. What they were thinking or what was happening or what was going on, that's what this conversation is all about. So... Okay. Zen Master Zui Jiang of Xu Prefecture is the heir of Shaoshan, a Dharma descendant of Linji. One day he taught the assembly. For the time being, mind arrives, but words do not. For the time being, words arrive, but mind does not. For the time being, both mind and words arrive. For the time being, neither mind nor words arrive. Both mind and words are the time being. Both arriving and not arriving are the time being. When the moment of arriving has not appeared, the moment of not arriving is here. I like that one. When the moment of arriving has not appeared, the moment of not arriving is here.

[31:22]

Mind is a donkey, words are a horse. Having already arrived is words and not having left is mind. Arriving is not coming. Not arriving is not not yet. The time being is like this. Arriving is overwhelmed by arriving, but not by not arriving. Not arriving is overwhelmed by not arriving, but not by arriving. Mind overwhelms mind and sees mind. Words overwhelm words and see words. Overwhelming is nothing but overwhelming, and this is Guess what? Time being. As overwhelming is caused by you, there is no overwhelming that is separate from you. Thus, you go out and meet someone. Someone meets someone. You meet yourself. Going out meets going out. If these are not the actualizations of time, they cannot be thus.

[32:23]

We're almost there. Mind is the moment of actualizing the fundamental point. Words are the moment of going beyond, unlocking the barrier. Arriving is the moment of casting off the body. Not arriving is the moment of being one with just this, while being free from justice. And this way you must endeavor to actualize the time being. The old masters have thus uttered these words, but is there nothing further to say? Mind and words arriving partway are the time being. Mind and words not arriving partway are the time being. In this manner, you should examine the time being. To have him raise the eyebrows and wink is half the time being. To have him raise the eyebrows and wink is the time being missed. Not to have him raise the eyebrows and wink is half the time being. Not to have him raise the eyebrows and wink is the time being missed. Thus, to study thoroughly coming and going and to study thoroughly arriving and not arriving is the time being of this moment.

[33:32]

The end. So, if you don't get it, then you have to read it again. So, that's time being. And for the time being, as I said, I think we will move forward. Well, it's not really forward. We will move to another chapter. at the last chapter of Transmission of Light. So if you have that book and would read that for next time, that would be great. Next time, by the way, I may be a little, I don't know what, because there is an ordination at 2.30. So by the time 5 o'clock rolls around, I'm not sure what state of mind my time being is going to be. And I may... I want to just talk to you and ask Guy and Lisa to talk to you a bit about the ceremony, which I think would be very nice for all of us. So I think I'll kind of plan on doing that. So maybe the following week would be looking at Koan Ejo in the transmission of light.

[34:34]

So I would very much like to hear from you and particularly about this idea of transitioning to some other kinds of studies and what you all are interested in. You know, the koans are great because they're not too long and you can kind of write things about them and study them and so on and so forth. And of course, Suzuki Roshi is also great. And we haven't looked at Suzuki Roshi together. So that's another option. Ko-san, please. Hello. Hello. Thank you, Fu-sensei. Thank you, Sangha. I have a request. I have a comment and a question. Get my pencil. Write this down. First, I would love to study koans. So I'm going to put in my vote for koans. And second, my comment, which is... Listening to Uji tonight reminded me of a lecture that Jiryu gave during Rohatsu session where he told all of us, I don't think you were there at the time, he told all of us that your advice to him is whenever you say something in a Dharma talk, be sure to say its opposite.

[35:52]

So that came to mind. The third thing... The third thing, my question is about appropriate response. And I wonder when I'm listening to Uji, I hear perhaps there's no such thing as appropriate response because maybe no such thing as a singular appropriate response or maybe that... an inappropriate response and an appropriate response are two sides of the same coin. I don't know exactly what it is that I'm thinking, but the question does arise for me, how do you know you're making an appropriate response when, you know, sometimes it's okay to raise an eyebrow and sometimes it's not okay to raise an eyebrow. I think that's kind of what they're saying is you don't know. Sometimes it's okay.

[36:57]

Sometimes it's not okay. Sometimes you say, hi, how's it going? And somebody's really hurt. And you're like, what happened? You don't know. I mean, we're not in control. I think that was another thing I was saying just now. I'm not in control of freeway driving. I'm not in control of dynamics between me and other people. I really can only deal with this much. I can do that. And having been trained to do that, fairly well. And having done that for many years, I can feel a little confident, accelerating, getting out there, merging, you know, but I do get it that I'm not in control. And I think as I get older, I'm more and more aware of how little control I have and how scary it is out there. I mean, people are driving really fast. And in many cases, I think really crazy, you know, not safely. And that might have been me when I was 25. So sometimes driving that fast is okay because you're 25.

[38:02]

Sometimes it's a really bad idea because you get hurt and you hurt other people. So part of it is like, are you following through on your actions? Are you checking back, looking in the rearview mirror, keep that metaphor going, and seeing how it went? Were there some things that you need to... go back for or check in on or whatever. But not to be a fanatic about it. You know, it's not like I don't want to make any mistakes. Of course you make mistakes. That's pretty much all we do is make mistakes. And then we learn from them. And that's how we know that, well, that was a mistake. You know, that took me on a really a side road that I didn't want to go on. And so next time I'll be more careful. So, you know, I think there's always learning going on along with mistakes. There's a lot of learning. And I think if you focus on the learning and the mistakes are like just normal. I mean, nobody's not doing that.

[39:03]

So not holding yourself too rough. Don't be rough with yourself with mistakes. And that's something we're not trained for. Not everybody. Some people are, but some people are really not trained to be gentle. mistakes. So it's a big thing we deal with here, you know, just being able to give people criticism, which is constructive criticism, or rather critique. I like the word critique. I think I've talked about that before, that when Maya and I talk about tea ceremony, when we're studying tea ceremony, the tea teacher critiques us all the time. You know, no, no, no Fusanda. It doesn't go there. It goes there. Or she just inhale a little loud, and I know I just put it in the wrong place. So I was tuned in to my teacher's way of critiquing my tea, which is wonderful. I longed for it. You know, I asked her for it. Every time you go into tea class, you put your fan down, and you bow, and you say, Sensei, please teach me. which I think would be a great thing to do here.

[40:07]

Like, okay, if you want me to teach you, please ask because I don't want to come up on you and surprise you and have you feel criticized because that's not what we're wanting to do. We're wanting to help each other, to help train each other in how to be a better driver, how to be a better friend, how to be a better person in the kitchen, how to put the knives away where they belong and that sort of thing. There's lots to learn when you live in community. And how open are we to receiving that? And as you know, not everybody is skillfully giving that kind of critique. So then people's feelings are hurt. So all of that's happening, right? For the time being. That's the time being. Ringgulch is the time being. It's a big time. I'm sure where you are is as well. Thank you very much. Please, you're welcome.

[41:12]

Any of you are welcome to bring questions or... Oh, great. These are two ordinees. I just got back to Singapore. I hope your flight was a good one. Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. Yeah. No way out. Yeah. So, yeah. I was just thinking about Melissa's question about... mistakes and their proper responses. And I think I have those questions always. Like, I just, I don't know, like they said, like, what would be the right thing to do? And I think my kids inherited that from me. Like, especially, like, my daughter in high school, she's just so afraid of, like, mistakes. I think they have this imaginary audience for the teenagers. Watching this documentary, Top of a Teenager's Mind, they have imaginary audience. It's actually... I start to, you know, have a little bit more compassion for that.

[42:12]

I was like, why do you care so much? I guess, you know, one thing I think I was trying to tell her what you taught us is about the right action and the right intention, you know, the eight boat path. You said the right is a verb. It's not like there's a right and wrong. It's like you, because it's like you're driving, you're like driving a boat on the ocean. Yeah. And those waves in the water, you don't know which direction the wind will blow. So you're just trying to write every moment because it could be wrong next second if the first second and the previous second was in the right direction. So I was talking to her about that. I think, you know, it's very helpful for me. And I can see that, yeah, sort of making sense to her. But it's really hard though. Yeah. She's very tender. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I love meeting your children, you know, and I can feel that with kids that ones here, all of them, you know, they all have this tenderness about that audience.

[43:15]

Like who's, you know, some of our kids kept a couple of the boys really want to be watched. They're really into being, being, having the audience be a real audience, you know, that pays attention to what they're doing. Even if it's scolding them, you know, they're kind of into that. But there's also the shy ones who really, I think their imaginary audience is critiquing them and not admiring them. And so that's really something, a lifelong effort. I think we've all, those of us who have that imaginary audience that isn't so friendly, have had to really work on in understanding, first, there isn't one. There is no audience. And probably people are much kinder. I know they're kinder around our mistakes. I'm certainly kind with people around mistakes, much more than I'm around people who are perfect. I'm just like, no, I don't think so. I'm really, really tough on people who do a great job.

[44:18]

Well, that was good, but that little part. But people who really make mistakes or feel bad, I'm very kind to them. I have no negative feelings. It's just like, oh, it's okay. But I don't do that for myself. So, you know, how do we learn to do that for ourselves? It's okay. Yeah, it's so hard though. Yeah. I had like, speaking of the driving, you know, I can tell you this is more like a gossip. You know, I went to Hong Kong like a few days to stop there and then came back from California to Hong Kong, right? So I've never been to Hong Kong. I always imagined all those heard so much about it. Some friends will say, you know, You know, if you don't speak Cantonese, you can speak only Mandarin, there's a problem. But someone will tell me, actually, it's great. So I went there. First day, it was fantastic. People were, like, really friendly. So I thought, oh, I'm coming back here again. I was telling my husband. I said, my previous biases could be over, you know. And then next day, I was crossing the traffic with my five-year-old and my daughter.

[45:22]

So somehow the light went from green to red in two seconds. So I was a little bit brave. I just, you know, stepped down. I saw it's red, right? Although it has been red. I saw it's green. Although it has been green for like a little while. But we were, you know, I thought there's orange. So we were trying to cross. While we were standing in the middle of the street, it turned red. And there's one car just blowing a hunk, like honking at me continuously without stopping. There's a guy with his girlfriend in it. And just look at us. I was frozen there. I didn't know should I walk or not. I have my five-year-old, my daughter. I got freaked out. But eventually I passed. And I looked at him. I was so furious. At that point, my anger just went out. And he was pointing to his head. Basically means what I'm a moron. What are you thinking? My kid kept asking, why is he pointing to his head? So I had to explain that.

[46:23]

But, you know, all those like up and down impression about a city, all the experiences. But I calmed down a little bit. I start to think about how my perception of the world changed from a friendly place to like, I started to curse. Hong Kong is the worst place. I know. Yeah, it's interesting. It's really true. All my practice, I fail to like the level I practice. It's hard. No, it's also knowing, acknowledging. our mistakes is, is practice. Yeah. You know, knowing that, Oh, that, that was really strong. That was really strong. Maybe in Hong Kong might be a little too much, but, you know, but young men with girlfriends in the car, that's really rude. People do that with Zen Center all the time. I keep telling, you know, Zen Center is not a person. It's like, I know you're really mad at Zen Center, but who are you mad at? You know, what happened? Who talked to you in a way that made you unhappy?

[47:24]

You know, it's really about a person that hurt someone's feelings. Zen Center isn't a lot. It's not a thing. It's just not, it doesn't exist. You can't find it. So, but we do that. We project on these. Yeah. America. Yeah. Zen Center. Well, welcome back safely. Glad you made it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Dean. Hello, Dean. Hi, everyone. When you were talking at first, before you got into the eyebrows and I started drowning in metaphors. Gogan. Yeah. Every once in a while, a word would pop up and it would make sense. But before that, it would make sense. It reminded me, I was just reading Uchiyama, Opening the Hand of Thought. And this thing I read this morning says, when I am born, I give birth to my world as well.

[48:28]

I live together with that world. Therefore, that world forms the contents of myself. Then when I die... I take that world with me. It dies with me. And when you were reading earlier about time being, it struck me. Oh yeah, that's it. It's all, it's all in one thing. But then later there's a little bit about, you know, how that, you know, when we, we, we want things to go smoothly, we want paradise, but, um, and we don't want hell. And a little bit later on, um, I read, it is vital to cultivate the spirit of living willingly in either situation. And then I thought about Melissa's comment about, you know, how do we know what's appropriate? And I, you know, the appropriate response. And I started thinking that whatever, or for me, for someone who makes a lot of mistakes, often verbal mistakes, it's

[49:31]

It's become less about when I get the appropriate response, but also when I don't get the appropriate response, I have to be as respectful of myself as when I do get the appropriate response. And there's freedom. What I feel is when I'm clear about the precepts and I know it's coming from that place in me, if I get the appropriate response, it still doesn't feel wrong. It just feels like something I can work on. Nice. So that's what this reminded me of. That's wonderful. I mean, I think that rings true to me, that somehow coming from a virtuous effort, like you're really making an effort at virtue. you know, to be a good, good person. And then you make mistakes, of course, you know.

[50:32]

But what a difference than coming from wanting to be a bad person or just really don't care, you know. I mean, I think the feeling of that is not, they're just not mistakes. They're intentional bad actions that people are doing. And you think you got to go back a little further into their psyches to find out, how'd you get so hurt? You know, where is that all coming from? So I think once you've come to the point where you've really invested your life in goodness, whatever that means, that's kind of all right. You're already fine. You're, you know, you're kind of, I hate to say the word, but you're saved, you know, congratulations. Yeah. Hi. Hi. Hi, hi, hi. I have a response to the appropriate response.

[51:36]

My understanding is you don't know until it's in the past. And that is part of karma, that you don't know whether something was appropriate or skillful or helpful until... You've already done it and then look back on it. Right, that's true. It's kind of like we're always looking in the rearview mirror because we can't really see the present. This is too fast. This is more than 70 miles an hour. It's just happening like in the blink, blink, blink, blink. But when we look back, we can get these reflections of something, sometimes traces of something that maybe happened, seemed to have happened. That's the dream, you know. It's already not happening. But that's how we live is by dreaming that something happened and then judging it and then deciding it was good or bad. So, I mean, that really is the human thing.

[52:38]

And you're absolutely right. I mean, that's very familiar. And it can also change depending on the response to the response. Very much. And on and on. Very much. And sometimes it changes with your own opinion of yourself. And sometimes it changes with someone else's opinion of what you did and so on and so forth. So we have a very exciting game going on here with each other and with ourselves. We don't even need another person to have this conversation happening about right and wrong. Like she was saying about the audience. Teenagers have an audience. I think we all know about that audience. Somebody's watching me. If I could just move fast enough to catch who it is so far. I don't know who it is, you know. So I think it is a reflection of something that we think happened. Or we even think it happened and it didn't happen. And we just made up an idea that it happened, right?

[53:41]

I mean, that's popular. It's just like, I know what that look on your face meant. Well, I don't. I really don't. But somehow I made up a story that I know, you know, and I'm sticking to it. Yes. Right? That's the hard part is sticking to it. If we don't stick to it, it's more enjoyable, really. Did that just happen? So, I mean, it's kind of fun to be a Buddhist because there's all these little loopholes. You could sneak out. Loopholes. Is that what you said? Loopholes. That's right. Loopholes. This is just dangerous. Well, yeah. Like driving. Oh, my God. You guys. You just keep going, yes. You just keep focusing on those two lines. Ignore the speeding things. It's crazy. I was more aware of how crazy it is. I haven't done it for a while.

[54:41]

Long freeway drive. So I was like, oh my. All day through the mountains and with snow sometimes. The old car hates me and it doesn't do things the way it's supposed to. The Tesla doesn't do things for Kate that it does for everybody else. Like cruise control. I figured out what happened. Or high beats. I'm sorry. They update the software and then it works differently than we're used to. So the car is behaving differently. We can't figure out why it's not doing what it used to do. That's all. I mean, it's the same as we're talking about here. It's unpredictable and has its own... And your life is at stake. I mean, I think that's the reason that we take it rather seriously. You know, like, it's not a joke. I mean, it's really not funny out there. It's like, I was feeling how precious life is. Much of the ride, I thought, I just want to go home.

[55:44]

I just want to go home. Having just done this eight-hour trip a few days ago, I was totally relating to what you were talking about and trying to drive to Sacramento. over the weekend, it's out of control. It is out of control. That's absolutely my point. It's having faith that you might get there. I know. I know. And the hope that the other beings are equally interested in getting home as you are. Actually, I was having this thought that I was really impressed that most drivers are really good drivers. Yeah. They do careful things as opposed to, maybe it's like people have learned how to drive better in the last 20 years than years ago because they have more practice. And it's just, I'm surprised at what people do do that is cautious and is helpful to the community in that dance.

[56:45]

I agree. Stay in your lane. Yeah, well, there are those. There really need to be. Well, then there's those, yes. There's those that are endangering everyone, and they're scaring you. I mean, I think that's part of what they're up to is trying to scare you. We just move away as fast as we can. Give them room for others. The trouble is, the drive between here and Sacramento is solid. It's just like there's no space. There's nobody... can get in between you and the next car because there's no space. It's just line of lights and line of, you know, it's quite impressive. I think next time I'll do it like at two in the morning or something. If you're awake. Oh, well, there's, yeah, there's that problem. That's the problem for us driving late at night is that we get tired. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, let's all stay safe because this is really silly. It'd be a stupid way to hurt yourself.

[57:46]

But I wanted to weigh in on your questions. Good, please. First of all, I invite you to keep teaching us as you have been. Please. Thank you. Appreciate that and wish for continued teaching. But I'm not going to be very helpful because all of your suggestions sound wonderful. Whether Suzuki Roshi, I've heard... Things and anecdotal stories and things about him for years of his teachings, but have not really delved into kind of, I don't know, intensely studying something or one of his best ones is certainly a possibility. But koans are always wonderful. Well, we could do all of it, you know. All of it. Let's do all of it. Let's do it all. So we can do some koans. One thing Karina was saying, that it was nice to kind of break it up a little bit, like do this for a while.

[58:47]

I feel like I kind of got on a train, a Dogen train. It was a freight train. I wasn't going to get off. I think I'd get off this train. So I think koans are great because you can go into one, and then they have another one that's a response, and that's really fun. In fact, I would start with those two. I don't know if I went through those before with you. Did I? Oh, too bad. Anyway, there's the fox and then there's the dog at Buddha nature, which are complements. So those are really fun. And then there's the ones in this... Bajang fox. Bajang fox. And then there's the dog at Buddha nature, Mu. So those two are complementary koans. You know, one is the emptiness teaching and the other one is the relative truth. So those two truths, which are what the koans are all about. Anyway, that's all the dance is going on there. But I can pull up some koans to try out a few of those. And I certainly would love to do some Suzuki Roshi.

[59:48]

And I'll look through what I have. And also there's some whole new stuff that isn't published yet, but is going to be that I got from Jiryu, who was helping Mel to translate or work edit Suzuki Roshi Talks, which nobody has ever. So I do have those, and that would be really nice to share some of those with you all. Sounds great. I'm responding to your thought that koans are more finite completion as opposed to dogan could go on forever. He did. He still is. He's just like... But the koans can kind of look at it and move on to something else in one or two sessions. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, let's do a little koans. A few koans might be good calisthenics for us, little Zen warm-ups. I think that would be fun. So I'll take that. If anyone else would like to weigh in on that, I mean, we could, you know, there's Guy raising his hand.

[60:53]

Yeah. Did you, Kate and Paul, did you have anything else you wanted to add? Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Gee, where'd you go? Where'd he go? Tracked him down. He's still there. There he is. There he is. Hi, Fu. Hi, Gee. I've really enjoyed listening to this discussion. I do want to second the invitation for you to keep teaching us, please. And thank you for all that you've already given us. It's very hard to decide. I think the options are both wonderful. I don't think we can really go wrong either way. And I'm sure that as we study Suzuki Roshi, um we can pull many koans from the teachings themselves so maybe that might be a great path is and what i really enjoy examining is suzuki roshi's approach of providing commentary to different audiences right the appropriate teaching to he was speaking to about the same even the same koan or the same interaction and i thought i think that might be a possible approach as well um

[62:22]

And one story I wanted to share, I wasn't sure where I had heard this, but I think personally, myself and my preset practice, I find and I think I've always done this, I find myself to be a little grasp on a little too much about the right and wrong of the actions that I'm taking, especially in the precepts. And I remember hearing a story once. I'm not sure if I read it or if you had shared it, so please forgive me if it might not be exactly correct of two monks traveling and coming across a river and a woman trying to cross the river. And one of the monks carried the woman, helped carry the woman on his back, right, crossed the river. And when the other monk caught up to him, was like, well, what are you doing?

[63:24]

You broke your precept. You're not supposed to, uh, I think the precept was to, to touch another woman. And, and, uh, and he said something to, to the, something like, well, you're, you're still carrying the woman. I dropped her off after I crossed the river. Yeah. And that was something, something wonderful that I, I remember that it's equally as important, right. To, uh, to look back and see how have I affected others with these decisions? Was it skillful? Was it unskillful? But also remember that there's a now here, right? And to not keep carrying whatever it is on or holding too tightly. And I think this was reflected in the conversation and your responses. So I just wanted to share that. It was very wonderful. It just came to mind. Thank you, Guy. We're going to see you soon, aren't we? Yeah, I'm excited. I'm really excited, too. Really looking forward to it and continuing the studies.

[64:27]

I saw Lisa this morning. She's out here now, so she's all ready. Oh, that's great. She was able to join me. It will be two of you, so the other folks need a little more time. I said, fine, I'll Do another ceremony later this year. I don't feel any need to pressure anyone to be ready. That would be kind of against the idea of Buddhist calm, tranquility practice. Of just allowing things to unfold. There's something wonderful about that, about... It's a practice. It's almost as though we're practicing ourselves to remember the illusion of separation as if things are happening to us and not with us and to us and us to it, right? There's something really wonderful remembering that this traffic isn't happening to me. I'm causing the traffic as much as I'm a part of it.

[65:31]

So how do I behave? Exactly. Yeah. Maybe I shouldn't have done that one. And then again, in conclusion, I also am very grateful for your teaching of the wayfaring, as some of the students were referring to as well, versus necessarily navigating, right? Where it's not picking that point, that's the star, that's where we need to go, regardless what happens or what's in the way. It's more of where... where are the waves taking us, what are the fish telling us, the clouds telling us, and what do we do with where we've ended up with these currents, right? Our ancestors knew how to read the world, you know, just know how to read the paper. You know, we've really lost touch. It's the beauty of sitting sazen, right? The practice of... Yeah, get it back. A little bit, anyway. Yeah, well... Well, thank you, Clujan.

[66:33]

Thank you, Tonga. Looking forward to what's to come. Indeed. Okay, everyone. Many blessings on all of you. And I will, I don't know what I'll do. If there's some reason I can't do this Sunday, I'll at least put a banner up saying, you know, I don't know what, something happened. But I'll let you know if there's no class next week, assuming there will be. And I look forward to seeing you. So if you'd like to unmute, you're welcome to do that. Am I on gallery view? I am. Happy New Year, everyone. Happy New Year. Thank you, too. Good morning. Thank you. Good morning. Have a great week. Have a great weekend. Thank you.

[67:34]

Thank you so much. Thank you. I appreciate it. Thank you for supporting my practice and showing up here with everyone. I'm truly grateful. I'll do my best to carry the rituals appropriately. You make us proud. Remember Reb's book, right? He makes it very clear. Sustaining forms and ceremonies. There you go. Dean's got pictures of you. That's right. Oh, Dean's going to document it. I don't know. I'm going to have to remember to not carry it with me. That's something. That's right. Just don't step on that robe when you stand up. There you go. Thank you all so much. I'm really looking forward to seeing you again. Bye, everyone. Enjoy the process. Thank you. See you soon.

[68:37]

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