Yes. Good evening. How's this sound?

[01:03]

Is that good? Yeah, wow. So first I want to thank you Michael and also Vicki for giving me this opportunity to try and say something useful. And I also want to very much thank all of you for coming in. bringing your attention and maybe your intention. That's kind of what I want to talk about tonight is intention, commitment, and vow. And this whole practice period of thing has been vow. So we've been all I've been thinking about it a while and examining it and finding our own vow.

[02:10]

So I've been thinking about Sashin all week and as a householder and for all of us actually, there's a kind of As the days grow nearer, you start thinking about, is your orioki together? Do you have your robes in order? Do you have your, are you ready to have this locked out time? And we all kind of prepare for it when we need to wash. And while I was doing some of this, I guess it was yesterday. In my t-shirt drawer, there's these t-shirts and there's one that I got many years ago from a Hawaiian surfer in Maui.

[03:16]

And it just had the name of the beach on the front and on the back. There was this picture of a kind of beach picnic tables and a little, like a pergola, kind of a cabana kind of thing. And underneath it, it says, aloha, don't leave home without it. And I thought that was a wonderful, and in Hawaii, aloha doesn't just mean hello and goodbye, it means open-hearted spirit or a kind of generosity. And so that when they talk, they talk about doing things with aloha. Or did you bring your aloha to that situation? And I thought, well, I should bring this t-shirt so I don't leave my aloha behind. And that brought me to

[04:25]

and intention, commitment and vow, and how do I bring my mind to this issue? How do we bring our mind to this special time that a lot of preparation is made to have this one week where we are going to focus on just... bringing ourselves to ourselves. And so I want to bring this open heart. I want us all to bring, to open our hearts and

[05:28]

open our minds, and open our eyes to our own true nature, which we express through the specificity of each of our lives. And I think this is a source of appreciation for me because it's um we can't do it without all of us and whether we would pick these this group of people or we wouldn't it's it takes all of us all the time. Today I was seeing a couple and we were talking about lenses. We if how

[06:29]

If we look through the what's wrong lens and the what's missing lens, that's what we see. And that's what is in our mind and that's what we put our mind's energy into. And if we try the lens of what's here and what is a value, what can I appreciate, what's here to support me, then that's where we see. That's what our lens is filtering for. And so that's where we put our mind's energy. So, some years ago, it was right around the time I met Christina, and she had talked about their practice of appreciation.

[07:31]

A lecture or something I'd heard her say and and she talked to me about it as a practice and I thought that is a really good idea. And so I really tried to do that. I really tried to bring myself and my intention to appreciate whatever was in front of me, whatever whatever arose in my life. Could I find a way to appreciate this moment, this person, this situation? And, um, I really, I really focused on this and I thought about it many times a day and I had a, and with a very strong intention and I just found myself getting happier and happier and happier. So, um, intention if we make a commitment to it can really turn us around in ways that we might not have imagined and it's to me it's like one of the most cost effective deals because it's just a small amount of effort that not much

[09:01]

It doesn't take much. It's really amazing. But just to put something in your mind and make a point of stopping and just considering it, whatever that intention is, then it doesn't leave you. And then it sort of, that intention just, it kind of carries you. It carries you into the stream of it. So I offer that to you. I'm sitting here and I'm imagining myself some Wednesday night sitting over there and how I'm just so tired. And it's the end of just the longest day.

[10:05]

And now I'm on the other end of this. I see what I've been doing. She was just like, how can I shoot you some... This is how we're going to last the world. I am... That's exactly what I'm saying. If you want, you can go. We have to go right to bed, right now. I don't want to go personally. If we're really tired, it's okay. So that helps. I feel much better now. Thank you.

[11:08]

I was just sinking right there. It just could be going down. So, okay, well, here's the lecture here. Okay. So here's what I was thinking about. I was thinking about, for many of us, this, you know, Actually, most of us, this is kind of special time. We're going to carve this out. And we all know, I'm not telling you anything you don't know, but I'm just reminding you that we can't do this. We need it, all of us. And this, I want to tell you a story because this really became clear to me when back in 1975, I was 29, Blanche was at Green Gulch, I was at Green Gulch, and I was not at Green, I lived in near Beach, and I sat my first, what was then they called day and a half sittings, they went day sittings, started Friday night, and they went through Sunday lecture.

[12:17]

And there weren't any work periods that I remember, was there a work period? I don't think so. And we had like three periods before service. And I was scared. And I had postponed this as long as possible, believe me. I've been sitting and people go, when are you going to sit? So finally I did. And I go in there and Saturday morning I'm like, I'm just going to sit this, you know, I'm going to do it. And I put so much, I tried so hard to count my breaths and concentrate that by the time I got to breakfast I was pretty much in tears and I had just shot my total concentrated tank of energy and I had no idea how I was going to possibly get through the day when around the next period I just thought this is not I think I did this wrong oops and I looked at

[13:25]

across the Zendo and see what directly across me was this middle-aged woman who was a very very troubled person she was just she had a really hard time functioning and she was sitting there and and I watched her and I thought this woman who is just on the edge of Most of the time she's just holding herself. She's in here and she is doing this. And I watched her and she just soldiered in there and sat down and sat still. And I just, I thought this was just such an inspiration to me because she was there every period at her seat doing everything on the schedule. one step at a time, and it made it so clear to me that, you know, I thought, if she can do it, if she can do it, you know, then I'm just being a wuss here.

[14:42]

I have to, I can do this. Obviously, I can do this. And it just kind of calmed me down, and I still thank her. She carried me through the the day and a half sitting. I just thought it was amazing and it made it so clear to me that I couldn't have done it with everybody there that day and without their effort and the way they came and sat. And then I realized it was me too. I was doing it too. And we had created this zone together that you can't do without a group. And I was just deeply moved and deeply moved by the kind of, even after a day and a half, the kind of stillness that as a group we created together.

[15:50]

We all were sitting still. We were all May the same effort to feel like pay attention. See if we could find our true nature. See if we could find that peace or calm our mind or just stay present with ourselves no matter what. And that, so to me, to us, it takes courage and it takes that It takes, in some ways, choosing that lens that's going to focus on what's arising in this body here sitting in this seat.

[17:11]

Can I stick with myself? Because we all have these minds that like to travel. So... I think about intention, commitment to intention, that's a risk. I forgot to tell a story. Can we go back to where I was before when I was talking about the couple and the lens? Okay, so pretend we're back there. Because I like this story. It's really nice. So I'm talking to this couple and I was talking about the lenses and the difference. And so there's this, plenty of you've heard this, it's a Choctaw story about a tribal elder who's talking to his grandson about the battle the old man's waging within himself.

[18:17]

And he said, it's between two wolves, my son. One's an evil wolf, or in my mind, I would say an afflicted wolf. Because I don't believe about evil, but I'd say he's an afflicted wolf. And he's afflicted with anger and envy and sorrow, greed, self-pity, guilt, resentment, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. This is heavily afflicted wolf. And then the other wolf, this is the wholehearted wolf, has joy and peace and love and hope, serenity, humility, empathy, generosity,

[19:26]

truth, compassion, and faith. So he's got a lot on his shoulders. So the boy took this in for a few minutes and then he asked his grandfather, well, which work went? And the grandfather says, the one I feed. So when I'm talking about the lenses and I'm talking about intention, The intention I feed is the intention that wins. And we think about this a lot in Buddhist teaching. We're talking about dropping those, dropping away, letting go of those afflicted distractions or those ways we're overcome with ways of afflicted Afflicted experience, emotions, and we're trying to reprogram and replace with something wholesome.

[20:37]

Something that, I think of these afflicted things as kind of going in a circle. It's kind of a loop. Do you ever notice that? There's a kind of, there's a, many of us, we have tapes, you know, catastrophic fear tape. It'll never go well tape. I'm not good enough tape. Those kind of afflictions. And then we run them and they just go around and around and around. There's no through line. It's kind of, I always think of it as like a road that goes down and then you get to a cul-de-sac, you spin around a hundred or a thousand times and then when you're exhausted, you come back out and you kind of come to your senses again. So, and then the wholesome things It's unfolding. And that's the beauty of it, but that's the scary part. Because if we make that commitment to that kind of intention, okay, so now I'm back where I was close to you.

[21:44]

Then if we start to deal with that, you know, there's a risk involved there. And so what is that risk? So I found a poem to save me a little bit. How are you guys doing? It's okay? So this is an Audrey and Rich poem called Time. And either you will go through this door or you will not go through. If you've gone through, there is always the risk of remembering your name. Things look at you doubly, and you must look back and let them happen. If you do not go through, it is possible to live worthily, to maintain your attitudes, to hold your position, and to die bravely.

[22:52]

But much will blind you. Much will evade you. At what cost, no one knows. The door itself makes no promises. It's only a door. It's only a gate. So when she says enter, Either you'll go through this story or you will not go through it. That to me is about intention and commitment and courage. It's a choice. It's a choice to sit here tired at the end of the day or not. It's a choice to get up and go sit or sit this machine. And if you go through this, there's always the risk of remembering your name. And I take this as remembering the name of who you really are beyond your ideas.

[23:57]

There's the risk of remembering before yourself. Beyond. And then if you don't go through, you know, that's... So things look at you doubly and you must look back and let it happen. So that's part of that intention and that commitment of face yourself and look back with an open-hearted, kind, aloha spirit. Can you see whatever it is, however afflicted, that arises can you open your heart to everything to all of it to really show up for yourself because when we do that you it's like the more you do that it's not it's not just you by yourself doing it when

[25:22]

When we're in the Zendo and we're doing that, we feel the results of that concentration. And everybody is helped. Everybody. So this is the gift to me of Sashin, that you have to be there. You just, well, you just have to be there. It's sort of, you just have to show up. Sit on your cushion. Rock into the zendo and just right there. When I bow to my cushion, it's already, thank you. Already thank you.

[26:24]

Because all I have to do is get here and sit on this cushion and already I can feel everyone supporting me. Just like right now. I can feel you holding me up here. And believe me, I appreciate it. part of that is because I think we're all doing the same thing we're all making we have a shared intention to find the truth to find peace to develop the capacity to really calm our mind and see our true nature we're all trying to do it together And we're all going to be struggling with the same struggles of painful things, angry things, silly things, yearnings.

[27:40]

And to be able to greet everything with, I'm here no matter what. I'm here. I'm not going to abandon myself. I'm not abandoning anyone of me's. And in that kind of willingness to be a witness and companion with appreciation and compassion. for myself, I think it's contagious. And I think if not that many of us really have to do it so perfectly, if any of us make that effort at all, it's very contagious. Friendliness is contagious.

[28:44]

Kindness is contagious. So we could all be little contagions if you want. It's choice. Choice. So, now, where are the science? We're doing really well. Alright. That was the other thing I wanted to talk about because about this, the courage part of we clarify our intention, and maybe each of us has a slightly different intention, but it's the same general intention. And at some point, if we can make a commitment to that, that's what vow is. That's what, when we make a commitment to that intention, that's a vow.

[29:52]

And because It is a risk because we don't know how it's going to unfold. We don't know how this is going to evolve. How it's going to... That wholehearted intention is going to move us out of our nests. Out of our abodes. Into the realm of no abode. that's that's the possibility and that's the risk and that's in some ways I was thinking about this before the lecture because on one hand I was thinking oh this is good I sort of clear what I'm gonna say and then and at the same time I was just like my hands it started sweating and my you know I'm just got really scared What am I scared of?

[30:56]

And the worst that's going to happen, I'll be a fool. It'll be a drag. And I'll be embarrassed. I could feel that in me just wanting to try to do something groovy or something and make it very well something. And there's something about There's a piece in here that has to do with faith, I think. Because I, somewhere I knew you were going to, you were going to tell me what I was going to actually say. That I had an idea, but that actually the energy in the room was going to do it. I saw someone roll their eyes after the video. I think it's true.

[31:56]

And I think it's, I had an idea, but I didn't exactly say what I thought I was going to say. How many in here are going to support the Sashim? How many are working in ways that are going to support the Sashim? Okay. And So I've been talking to some of you about some of you I've excluded inadvertently. So I think it makes me think of the story about Suzuki Roshi that I've heard about how somebody called. He was in the office and the phone rang and somebody calls. And they say, what time does meditation start? He goes, he never stops.

[32:58]

So I think that that, I think in a very, it's real true. And when we remember that, then we can make, we can, we can remember that. And so the people that are I'm not going to sit the session. Meditation never stops. It's on every breath and it's in every step. And I'm grateful to sit here with you. And I feel the... There's one other thing I wanted to say before I let you go. kind of early, and that is that sometimes, well actually from the first time I took Zazlan instruction from Yvonne Rand, one of the things that she talked about that was so helpful to me was to follow your breath and on the exhale, at the bottom of that exhale, before

[34:24]

your inhale arises naturally. There's this little momentary still point. And I think of it as a kind of reminder or a taste of stillness. And a And it's a reminder of that stillness that's in each of us. That with some practice we can find and land in. And it's in everything. And especially during Sashin, we feel the stillness growing in the Zendo. So after a few days, it's kind of, it's almost palpable.

[35:30]

And the shared intention, and we're all moving at the same schedule, the same pace, doing the same thing, and there's a shared realm we're in. And it helps us. Helps us keep going. Even when we get to those periods of zazen where maybe we're... I'm sure you've had that experience of getting through a period of zazen one breath at a time. Just if I... I'm just... Okay, I'm going to... I'm not gonna, I'll get up after this breath. Maybe I can make one more breath. So I want to thank you for your attention.

[36:36]

And I really want to thank you in advance for sitting Sashin and for making this effort. I think it's really, even though it's difficult, I think it's really a cost-effective investment of time. And I think, uh, with rewards we can't imagine. We just can't, we can't, we can't imagine how we're going to do it either. I bet it doesn't, and it's unnecessary. That's what I like about that. So, uh, I have a poem by David White called Enough, which I thought would be good closing for a Wednesday night enough these few words are enough if not these words this breath if not this breath this sitting here

[37:51]

This opening to the life we have refused again and again until now. Until now. So, since there's a couple of minutes left, if anybody has anything you'd like to say or ask, or comment? Yeah. Do you have a technique for the ability to see things through the lens of gratitude and, you know, whatever that helps practice? I don't know if there's a technique. I think it's a I think really and truly, I believe this, if we're talking about appreciation, if I just think about appreciation, I just think about being in appreciation, and then I take a break several times a day, a few times a day, and I just pause.

[39:17]

I look at what's in front of me, and I just say, what? how can I appreciate this? Or what do I see in front of me that I can appreciate? And it was simple. It's not complicated. It could be just like that I'm appreciating that I just took this moment to stop and think about appreciation. That's cool. Just that. Or it can be... It can also be a challenge, like sometimes something difficult happens. You know, I've got a flat tire. How am I going to appreciate that? You know, and so how do I? How do I make that? How do I find the Dharma in that? That's, you know, how do I... That's how you stop.

[40:20]

What? That tire makes you stop. Thank you. And that's exactly the kind of help I like. So thank you. Thank you. Yes. What do I recommend when those emotions arise? I want to ask you what your answer is first. I have an answer, but what do you think of? What do you do?

[41:25]

Open your heart. To me, it's similar. It's the body. I feel like the body is kind of what saves me. Where is this? What's the sensation of this? And what are the body pieces of it? where am I feeling this and to keep breathing into it. So if it's an emotion to breathe into the feeling and if it's a pain to breathe into that and really, really be, that's where I think it's useful when it's really, really difficult to get kind of meticulous and really look at all the nuanced

[42:28]

pieces of it. That's what... Okay. Thank you.

[42:49]

@Transcribed_UNK
@Text_v005
@Score_90.26