This podcast is offered by San Francisco's Zen Center on the web at sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning, everybody. Welcome to the first full day of a three-day sushin, and a particular welcome to anyone who wasn't able to join us last night for the opening talk and sessions. And what I'd like to do is start out with a poem. And this poem is by a local poet who practices in the insight tradition. I actually think she goes to Spirit Rock. And her name is Kaveri Patel. And this is from a collection of her poems called Under the Waves. And the poem is titled A New and Deeper Truth. The old truth made you run a thousand miles. inside an arid desert, desperate for an oasis.

[01:03]

Sit and close your eyes. Inhale the breeze of kindness. Exhale the toxic judgments dehydrating you like a prune. Feel the pain of old patterns trapped in tense muscles. It's okay to cry, to taste the salt of possibility. Just be. Just breathe. Let waves break against the silence, returning you to a new and deeper truth. So we have arrived. We have stepped out of our usual busyness and hectic pace of our lives, stopped running around and coming here for a few days simply to settle, to be in our... whole being. And so we're gathered together to peacefully abide in Sashim and making a concerted effort to be in stillness and silence and to intimately touch our heart minds.

[02:17]

Just being, just observing, just listening. Listening for a deeper truth. deeper than the one that has perhaps had you seeking elsewhere for what is most true. So what might this truth that is waiting here be? What is the truth that brought you here? And just by simply sitting, breathing together, inhaling kindness, breathing out compassion, maybe breathing out all the old conditioned tensions, sadness, judgments, fears, and delusions. What will you discover? So spiraling inward with every breath in ever-widening circles until we come to that place

[03:29]

where there's no longer an inside nor an outside. And in doing so, opening ourselves up to a new, deeper possibility. However, despite our most sincere intentions to gather the mind and settle into stillness and silence, usually we realize this is a much harder endeavor than we anticipated. Maybe the first period of two of your sushin is all delicious and you're really relishing, ah, finally I'm here. Then maybe, probably around the third period of zaza, maybe it was right after oryoki this morning, something starts to shift a little bit. You start to feel a little bit of discomfort in the body. And the mind begins kind of kicking up again, right?

[04:31]

Kind of circling or ruminating over an old argument you had with someone, maybe a colleague at work right before you came, right? Or you're thinking already about what you're going to do after Sushin. Your vacation plans are tickling you in the back of your mind. Or you find yourself slightly distracted by the kind of loud breathing of the person next to you. or actually kind of distracted by how cute they are. And then you remember how much you actually dislike oryoki, how you always feel kind of clumsy and stupid trying to actually do this crazy ritual. And who created this form of torture in the first place? And then maybe your concern goes even wider. What about climate change? What about global warming? What about the ultimate endless forms of oppression that we're experiencing. Why even bother? We're going to be all dead in 10 years probably.

[05:33]

So why am I sitting here? Why did I come to Sushin anyhow? Maybe this is kind of pointless. We find ourselves kind of just spinning around, unable to settle right here, right now, in this very moment. And so we're suddenly finding ourselves experiencing an onslaught of emotional, physical challenges and adversities. Some are familiar, and maybe some are new. And this kind of oasis of peace that we had longed for, that we had expected that we would get by coming here to Sushin, is kind of dissolving. It's a mirage. And suddenly you're left with yourself in your own mind. There's no getting away, I'm sorry to say. Wherever you go, there you are. So both Zazen and the practices of the Brahma Viharas call on us to have courage, to face the adversity in our minds and bodies, both the external and the internal challenges, with love.

[06:52]

That's what we're doing here. Practicing to meet our human experience, all of it, with love. Rather than what we usually do, which is run away from it, or fight it, or try to manage it, or dominate it in some way, right? Rather, now we have the simple opportunity to meet our experience, all of it, whatever it is, without discrimination, with just open-handed love. So living life with love is what the Brahma Vaharas are about. Abiding and dwelling and coming from the four foundations of love, as they're called. Kindness, compassion, appreciative or inclusive joy, and equanimity. And how we meet these challenges in ourselves, as we're sitting here in Zazen, as we're together here in Sushin, is a template about how it is that we're going to meet others in our life.

[08:00]

So, the thing is, we have no control of others. We barely have enough control of our own minds. Why would you even want to control others? The only jurisdiction that we have is in our own hearts and minds, and the endeavor to befriend our hearts and minds. This is the only realm where we have true agency, Discover your own innate power in that. So it's often traditional on the first day or so of Sushim to speak on what's known in Buddhism as the five hindrances. And I imagine some of you are already familiar with those, but there are always a good thing to remind ourselves to, particularly at the beginning of Sushin, study what is our experience and how it's arising.

[09:06]

So I'd like to speak on the five hindrances today in the context of the Brahma Viharas. And we can work with the hindrances in our meditation practice as well as our everyday life. So... Each of the past number of weeks, I've gone through one of the Brahma Viharas, and last week I spoke on equanimity. And equanimity in particular offers us a supportive foundation for meeting the vicissitudes of our life, both on and off the cushion. And as you might recall, equanimity is an even-mindedness, a balance that comes from wisdom. I like to also think of it as an even-heartedness. So it's seeing things as it is, seeing things clearly without delusion. It's our heart and mind's capacity to roll with the inevitable challenges and changes of life without taking it personally, without making a self out of what happens to us in some way, and therefore not falling into despair or hopelessness.

[10:22]

And then rather than equanimity being a bland state of neutrality or cold indifference, sometimes people think that's what it means. You're supposed to be a stone-cold Zen person and not feel anything, kind of be a blank. Equanimity actually is this kind of openness, a wide open space that allows us to feel the full range of our human experiences. Everything that we're feeling is included in in the endless, boundless realm of equanimity. And at the same time, it helps us to be centered in it, to have a sense of upright poise, and then act from a place of wisdom, of clear discernment, rather than reactivity. So, the five hindrances. In Pali, they're pancha, navaronani, and they're identified as mental factors that hinder progress in meditation and in our daily lives. So in the Theravadan tradition, these factors are identified as obstacles to the jhana states, or the states of concentration, within meditation practice itself.

[11:34]

And in the Mahayama tradition, which Zen is a part, the five entrances are identified as obstacles to shamatha, to tranquility or calm-abiding meditation. when we can identify the particular hindrance that's coming up for us, we have a better sense of what is it that's causing it to arise, and then how best to overcome it, to work through it. So we want to be able to study, how are these arising for us, and how are my medium, what can I do? So the first of these hindrances, obstacles, or you can also call them forces, is craving. And that is a heart that's not fulfilled. It's lost touch with its own sense of contentment. So it's hungry. It's always seeking something. The second hindrance is ill will. And this is a heart that's diseased.

[12:37]

Diseased with aversion, hatred, ill will, animosity. It's devoid of any kind of kindness. Devoid of metta. It's the sour and bristles. And the next are a pairing of sloth and torpor. So the body feels heavy and lethargic, and the mind is dull and sleepy, and there's a lack of physical and mental energy or vitality. Has anyone already experienced that one here? Yeah. I confess, this morning in Zazen, I was feeling those for sure. And the third is restlessness. This is a heart that can't settle. It lacks ease. It feels agitated and anxious. And then the final one is doubt. And doubt is the heart that lacks confidence.

[13:40]

It can't rest in itself, in its own being. So these five hindrances are blocks on our path. They can overwhelm our capacity to have an equanimous mind and abide in clear awareness. So when we study the hindrances, we can see how they cause harm in ourselves as well as our relationship to others. So in the Dhammapada, the Buddha says, nothing can do more harm than your own untrained mind. mind. And nothing can do more good than your well-trained mind. So we can train our mind to meet and overcome these limiting forces so that we can do good for all beings. So again, this isn't just about us. It's about a relationship with everything and everyone. It starts with us, but it ripples outwards.

[14:43]

Okay. So let's dive into the first hindrance, craving. The Pali word is tanha, that references, and it refers to thirst, desire, longing, greed, either physical or mental. So it's kind of a greed or wanting, particularly for sense pleasure, senses of sight, of sound, bodily sensations, smells, or mind states, right? The desire when you smell lunch coming up, ooh, I want that, whatever that might be. You're seeing someone who's attractive, desire arises. You imagine what kind of relationship you might have. Or mental state of kind of this heightened joy arises for you. You want to grab onto it, you want more of it. And usually our particular response that comes up is this, ah...

[15:47]

Ah, more. I want more. And so we want more of whatever's pleasant. So it's the impulse that comes up to kind of want to arrange things, arrange our life so it's more pleasurable. It's the wanting mind, always wanting to feel something more in particular, to feed on something. You can notice it even as just a small inkling, just the wisp of the first part of craving, the first part of desire, like a tentacle arising. And at some point, it just blows up, perhaps in seconds, into full-blown lust, sexual desire, or in my case, lusting for pints of Bed and Jerry's ice cream. So whatever it is, it's there. It's coming on strong. It's always craving. If you ever notice, it's always for something you don't have. Do you ever crave for anything you already have? No.

[16:49]

It's always looking for a lack. It comes from a place of lack, something you don't have. And then the mind narrows onto a particular object or desire and says, that's what I need. That will fill that hole, that lack. But the thing is, craving is bottomless. It feeds on itself. Craving just creates more craving. There's no end to craving. It's endless. And then there's the craving that can move into attachment. And attachment, as you might recall, is the near enemy of loving kindness. It's a conditional metta. Last week in her Dharma talk, Leanne described it as, I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine. It's a conditional kindness. And so it's always looking for something to fill up. The Buddha said, the whole world turns on craving. There's no river. like the river of craving. And our whole world, actually, if you think about it, is built on craving these days.

[17:51]

What else is capitalism? It's design. And capitalism and all the commercialism and everything that goes with it is designed to make you want more. If that wish were to go away and you didn't crave anything, I think all of capitalist society would just collapse, right? but we have learned how to tap into our weaknesses and build on them, right? And manipulate us into wanting more, more, and more, whatever it might be, to the judgment of our own well-being, to the judgment of our society, and to the judgment of the world, the planet. So, approaches to addressing these hindrances, right? The first approach to addressing hindrances is always the same. Try to notice it. Ah, there it is. There is craving. Noticing and recognizing it.

[18:52]

What's happening? Just noticing what's happening. Now the thing is, it's not a problem. Craving in and of itself is not a problem. It's just energy arising. So notice the terrain of what's happening. Notice what's happening now. Notice the first signs of craving, the kind of buzziness, the kind of leaning in, excitement or contraction of some sort. Or, if you're not noticing the physical aspect, you can notice in the mind the kind of story, the narrative comes up. If only, if only they would serve dessert right after you know, lunch, rather than having to make us wait a while, right? If only this, if only things were different, right? That story, that narrative, then I might be happier, right?

[19:53]

And then the second step to working and addressing a hindrance is inquiring how are you relating to it? When you notice it coming up, there it is, then notice how are you relating to it. Are you rejecting it? Are you getting sucked in and lost by it? Pushing away or feeding it? Consuming on it? Whatever it might be? So we can just ask ourselves, instead, what would it be like to meet this craving, to meet this sensation, with kindness and curiosity instead? Oh, this is craving. OK. OK. Hello, craving. You're back. Hello, old friend. Right? Kindness, we can practice two options. When something takes us away from the mindfulness and our intention, we can let it go and bring back our attention. Bring back our attention to the breath or to open awareness, whatever our particular focus of meditation is at this particular time.

[21:01]

And then the other option is to engage it. to bring awareness to the direct experience of craving itself or that particular hindrance. So either notice it, drop it, bring it back to your object of meditation, the breath, or actually go into it, study it. Really understand the nature of that particular experience. For example, feeling it in the body. What does craving feel like in your body? What does the desire for something pleasant feel like? What do you notice it? What part of the body do you notice it first? To be this kind of scientist or even like an alien from another planet who first landed into a human body for the first time and was trying to figure out, well, what is it to be in a human body? How does it feel? What's happening, particularly when the desire for something pleasant arises? What's the hook? Find the hook for yourself, the physical or mental or emotional hook.

[22:09]

And then, bring wisdom to it. Bring insight. Begin to question, for example, the story or the belief that you have that has kind of given spark to that particular craving or desire. And when you study it, you kind of understand more what is underlying that impulse, the force, and what it does actually to the heart and mind. Noticing the way that it gives rise to jealousy or envy. These are the four enemies of particularly mudita or joy. And all kinds of other problems. So when we the force of craving down, we can simply notice it and meet it with craving, with kindness. Not with more craving, with kindness. And we can let go of it. Let go of the sense of emptiness or lack that's underlying it.

[23:13]

We don't need to identify it with it. It's just a sense. It's just a belief. It's just a story. And we put it down and let go of it. It feels like we're relieved of a particular debt or a particular burden in some way. We no longer are owed anything, and we no longer owe anything. Nothing's missing. And what we're left with then is this sense of satisfaction, integrity, wholeness. And I confess, this is probably the hindrance that I most work with. There's sometimes three types of people. There's the greed type, the aversion type, and the delusion type, and I fall into the greed type. And I do that because I notice that one of my core stories is lack, not enough, right? From a very young age, not enough, right? So I can use the kind of track, you know, down all the way, the tentacles to that old ancient story of not enough and the way that it's been wired into my body, right?

[24:22]

And when I can just be with it, when I can just study it and go, ah, there's that old story, and actually see through it, deconstruct it, actually see through it and see that it's not true, then it releases. It doesn't have the same hold on me. I get to the root and pull the root up rather than trying to deal with the surface manifestation of it. So the first two hindrances are paired as polar opposites. They're paired as polar opposites in terms of pleasant and unpleasant. So craving is directed towards pleasant, and the second hindrance is the force of ill will, which is the opposite of wanting pleasure. It's averting. It's not wanting, but it's unpleasant. So aversion, anger, hatred, ill will,

[25:22]

all of it a matter of rejecting unpleasant experience. I don't want this, right? And that I don't want this can be very subtle, just a slight irritation, you might notice it in the body. And it can also just be an all-out murderous rage, right? You just want to destroy the object of unpleasantness that's in front of you, right? So these are the far enemies of kindness. And they can show up in all kinds of ways during sashim, believe it or not. From maybe being a little irritated by when the server is giving you soup, and they don't actually put the ladle all the way to the bottom of the pot. They just kind of skim the surface, and all you get is a little bit of broth, and you don't get all the juicy, chunky stuff at the bottom. You're like, ugh, right? And then you might... actually begin kind of thinking about doing kinhen. You know how sometimes people don't really walk the right pace?

[26:25]

They're kind of too close to you and you want them to move on. You get really irritating. You just kind of like kick them, right? So kind of that starts, that impulse starts getting up, right? All these little things to show up. You'd be surprised. You'd think, I'm out of the world. I should be all calm and peaceful, right? But this is what happens. When we kind of let go of the usual distractions that we have in our lives, either grasp to or push away, and we come and all we can do is sit here and be with the experience, it actually magnifies the experience, right? It makes it more vivid and more apparent. And we're kind of shocked sometimes, you know, the kind of crap that comes up for us during Sushin. Like, that's in me? Really? Oh my goodness, right? And so we're studying, studying how these energies arise for us, right? And how are we working with them? And it's not that, for example, anger or desire aren't always unwholesome.

[27:27]

There can be wholesome aspects to both anger and its clear wisdom aspect and desire and its loving aspect. Desire to help someone, to help them learn and grow, to cultivate wisdom and compassion. That's a healthy desire. We're encouraged in Buddhism to cultivate healthy desires. Desires to free all being is a healthy desire. And the same with anger, this cutting off. It can be a protection. It's information that can serve us to go into action if we need to. For example, if a child is running into the street, we can yell angrily, stop. Or to rise up and feel the sense of injustice in the world. and use that energy to try to change the conditions for that injustice. It's important to be able to sense the difference. But in this case, hindrance that we're talking about is more the one of aggression.

[28:33]

This is the hindrance that's focused on wanting to harm. So in that case, it's based on a distorted belief, a belief that what's unpleasant is can be eliminated through hatred and anger. It's the mistaken belief that by simply resisting or harming, we can somehow bring peace. The Dhammapada tells us, hatred never ceases through hatred. Only love, only through love alone, does hatred cease. And now sometimes hatred or ill will is turned inward. It's turned against ourselves. And we experience a form of self-hatred. I'm terrible. There's something wrong with me. And we start beating ourselves up and down as a result.

[29:34]

So we need to notice in what direction is this energy force being sent. And again, like with all the hindrances, the way that we work with this, as the energy comes up, to recognize first, it's not a problem. It's just what is. It doesn't mean anything about us. Just because the energy of the thought arises, don't make a self out of it. It's not about us. Don't make it personal in some way. It's how we're meeting it that matters. How are we relating to it? Can we meet a version with kindness, with friendliness, to disarm it in some way. So metta is considered an antidote to hatred, fear, and aversion. Metta is called the only protection that you'll ever really need, the only protection for the heart that's needed.

[30:35]

So recognizing the aversion is the first step. And then where would it go from there? Now, if we're experiencing aversion for another person, what we want to do, perhaps, is start with ourselves. For example, treat ourselves with metta, loving kindness. May I feel ease. May I be happy. May I be calm. And then maybe, again, someone that we care for, a benefactor, someone that we love. And then maybe ripple out to someone who's neutral, that we don't know so well. Perhaps other people in the room that were here with us for the first time. To include them. May everyone here be happy. May they be well. May they be at ease. And then, finally, directing it to someone that we're having difficulty with. That person next to you who's kind of snoring through zazen. And irritating you and interrupting your deep samadhi. Maybe you can extend some metta to them.

[31:37]

May they be happy. They may be at ease. May they be rested, right? So looking, looking for the belief that underlies the sense of ill will that arises, getting to that root, right? And also recognizing what's the result of ill will? If I act on this aggression in any way, what's going to happen? For example, if you're in traffic and you honk at someone because they're doing something stupid, what do they usually do? They honk back. They flip you off. They get more aggressive. It doesn't help anything. It doesn't solve the problem. So think for yourself, what do I want to send out into the world? More aggression and no will or an antidote to everything that ills the world?

[32:41]

So craving and aversion are two sides of the same coin. It's the push and pull of pleasant and unpleasant, attachment and aversion of the far and near enemies of metta. Then we come to the next two hindrances, sloth and torpor, and they're a set, and restlessness and worry, which are a set. So again, they're paired as polar opposites. In this case, in terms of energy, rather than pleasant or unpleasant. So they're about energy, the balance of physical energy, and the tranquility or calmness of energy in the mind. So on one hand, there's not enough energy, in which case we're going to feel sloth, sleepy, heavy, apathetic, bored. On the other hand, there's too much energy. We're feeling restless, agitated, we can't settle. So the third hindrance is this pairing again of sloth and torpor.

[33:46]

We have no energy, feeling kind of lazy, we can't do anything. The heart feels lethargic. It's kind of the traditional metaphor is often used, like a pond with algae covering it. There's no freshness to it. It's kind of stagnant. So again, the first step, working with the hindrance, noticing it. noticing its present, and noticing the particular quality of it, its nature. What is its nature? Oh, sloth is present again. I'm feeling kind of sleepy. There's some low energy arising for me. It's not a problem. It's just what's happening. It's the landscape of the moment. It's the weather of the present moment. So now my agency is clarifying what's the choice I have here. How do I want to relate to this? Rather than bring judging to it, rather than judging myself for being sleepy or low energy, I can meet it with kindness.

[34:47]

And one of the things that you might notice is how busy our culture is and how disinclined to rest we are as a culture. How many models of sustainable energy do we actually have in our culture? Examples of how to come from a place of balanced energy, right? And I think what I notice oftentimes is our culture, we're basically energy fried, right? We're just going on and on, and we come here then to Sushin to rest, and we might realize after a few days how deeply tired we really are, right? A fatigue at a level that's not just physical, but it's actually mental and emotional as well. So one of the first things we have to do is notice this. Notice this truth. Recognize it. Honor it. How does it inform you about the way you're living your life and what you might want to do when you leave here in terms of rebalancing your life and the way that you use your energy in some way?

[35:55]

So some of the techniques that I find helpful whenever I'm feeling sloth and torpor is to nzazen. or anywhere, open my eyes more widely. So if I'm getting sleepy in Zazen, I'll actually open my eyes and look upward. Get in more, bring in more light. And sometimes looking down, it just kind of tends to your eyes keep falling, eyelids keep falling, go close. But if I open it up and keep my eyes open, and not focusing on anything particular, but just wide open, that really helps. You can also lift your arms a little bit, kind of get the blood going. Go for a walk, maybe, during your break. Just walk around a little bit, walk in the courtyard. You can take a nap. It's okay to take a nap during your break time. It's encouraged. And sometimes you just need to let yourself sleep. It's really what's needed at a very deep level. Let the whole system go down for a bit to rest. So then when we come back, we'll refresh.

[36:59]

Our awareness can lift again. And so with metta, we can sharpen the loving kindness to bring more energy. Energy comes from the heart. It's a willingness to be here. So find the energy of just being here, the willingness that comes with just being in this present moment. Allow that willingness, allow that curiosity and that presence of interest in the present to come forth and animate you in some way. We also can look at the causes of our low energy in terms of our own practice. Are we practicing too tight? Are we trying to do everything really perfectly? Are we kind of contracted? I'm going to move in the right way because I'm doing Zen and I'm supposed to move like this, right? And then we're kind of restricted.

[38:00]

Or are we too loose? Like, I don't care about this. I'm just going to do my own thing, right? So the Buddha often used the analogy of a lute. You don't want to be too tight or too loose in order to play the music. So you're music of your own being. If you're too tight, it's going to... If it's too loose, it's going to... So find the middle way. Find the place of equanimity in how your body is energized. And sometimes the low energy is in our mind. It's mental. It's a form of mental apathy. So we have no will or energy in the mind. And our mind can feel exhausted. So again, here too, bringing kindness, inclining towards kindness. It's not a mental, it's not a pleasant state when we're feeling kind of suffering in our mind, apathy in our mind. So we can acknowledge this is unpleasant.

[39:01]

Have a sense of compassion and kindness for ourselves. And then the fourth hindrance, which is the opposite of sloth and torpor. And this is restlessness and worry. Restless energy, agitation, having too much energy, a feeling of anywhere but here. Bunny, bunny, go, go, go. Let's go do something. And this might show up not so much in Zazen and Sushin particularly, not so much of a physical thing, but it might be more a mental thing. the planning, the worrying, rehearsing, the making-to-do list, everything you're going to do when you leave here. I can't tell you how many times that I've had this wonderful list of things that I'm going to do after I left Sushin because I spent half the periods of Zazen planning or redecorating my room in my mind. Something like that. That kind of energy. And the mind becomes kind of scattered and jumpy and it can't settle anywhere.

[40:05]

It's not here. So we lose the sense of presence and intimacy with ourselves. And we get into this incessant busyness. And we get pulled out of our true sense of agency and connection. So the delusion here on the mental level is if I just plan enough, if I just worry enough, or just do a little bit more, I'll get it done. Everything will be OK. Everything will be just fine. But you notice that never ends. Again, it's the same thing like craving. There's more to do. It's endless. This restlessness of consciousness, always moving towards or trying to say or do something. Again, the first antidote to restlessness is just notice it. What's here?

[41:05]

What is this? How's it feeling? What's happening? How's it arising? What are the qualities of it in my mind and body? What is? What's the weather in this present moment? And recognizing it's not a problem. Oh, restlessness is here again. It's a guest, a welcome guest, right? So look at how we're relating to it. And then can we bring metta? Can we bring kindness to it? Kindness to the experience. So craving and ill woe are the push and pull of attachment and aversion, while sloth and torpor and restlessness are all imbalances of energy in the body and mind. And when we practice equanimity with these hindrances, then we find ourselves in the middle of these two extremes, in either of them, right? Finding a balance of applied energy and effort.

[42:05]

Again, like a well-played lute. Finally, we come to the last hindrance, doubt. Doubt is the heart that lacks confidence. I can't do this. This is too hard. Why did I come to this sashim? How am I supposed to do this zazana thing again? I don't understand. I don't remember what I'm supposed to be doing here. So it's the mind that's spinning. spinning out of control. You know, it's a little bit, I think of it like the icon on your computer when your computer kind of freezes and that thing is just going, spinning and spinning. Thank you, kitchen, for going to spin our soup into existence. So, you know, it's, doubt is dangerous, right? It's considered perhaps one of the most dangerous hindrances because it can stop us from practicing. And it can show up in kinds of checking ourselves, particularly in relationship to our own practice, the way that we might evaluate our practice.

[43:17]

How am I doing in practice? Am I doing it right? I wonder if I should give up now because I'm never going to get enlightened. Always comparing ourselves to others. I'm not good enough. What's the point anyway? I can't help save all beings, much less save myself. So again, doubting ourselves. And the delusion with doubt is that we can arrive at some firm clarity and certainty about our thinking. And then we undermine ourselves. And one of the things that's strongly remarked on is there should be no doubt about the practice itself, about the Dharma and the teachings. So it might be that there are times when you need clarification. about a particular technique, or you need some more information about a particular practice. In those cases, then go to a teacher. Ask. Inquire. So that's positive doubt. It's more a mind of inquiry, questioning.

[44:20]

I'm not understanding this, so I want to find out, you know, I want to get some clarity on this particular point, right? That's skillful means, right? But it's the doubt that just keeps going, that keeps spinning. that doesn't allow us to settle down and practice, that's the one we want to be on the lookout for and avoid. Again, it's just a fault. It's just passing wave of energy. Just because it's present doesn't mean we have to act on it. So applying metta. Attending to the experience of doubt with kindness. Again, it's a friend that's visited. So we're stepping out of the spinning of our minds and the spinning of our bodies, and we come to this present moment right here, coming back to our direct experience, rooting ourselves into what's happening now. Feeling with kindness the weights, the temperature, the texture of our global experience of this moment.

[45:27]

Touching our being. Just like the Buddha. when doubt in the form of Mara visits him on this last night before he awoke, right? Questioning him, who do you think you are that you can be free and awake? And the Buddha, all he did was touch the earth, the earth of his being as his witness, right? And letting that, the validity of our beingness, be enough to quell and dissipate the doubt. This moment is enough. This one is enough. That truth is what we come back to in the end. It's always waiting for us. So all these five hindrances are just visitors. You are the house. You have many guest rooms. And these visitors come and they stay for a period of time, but you don't have to keep them there.

[46:31]

You can encourage them to move on in some way. So meet them. When they do arrive, meet them. With awareness. Recognize. Notice it. Ah, this is a hindrance. It's not a problem. It's a temporary thing. It doesn't mean anything. And then noticing how are we relating to it? Are we getting lost or called or rejecting it? Or can we meet it instead with kindness and spaciousness? Of course, this is going to take courage, right? And it's also going to take perseverance in order to be with this practice over the long haul. So we're aiming for freedom that's not based on conditions. It's not based on things being a certain way. It's not based on our getting what we want. That's not true freedom. Freedom is beyond our wanting and not wanting, right? True refuge is not in the conditions of our life, but how it is that we meet the experience of what's happening.

[47:37]

It's in our relationship with life, our relationship with experience, our relationship with each other. That is the place of freedom. So regardless of whatever we're experiencing, grief, fatigue, loss, fear, anguish, confusion, pain, all of it, connecting to the truth of the experience. It's here. And that's where the heart learns or leans to kindness. It has the potential of our heart to say, may this too be well. May this too be healed into wholeness. So we really don't have to make anything happen in our zazen. You just get to sit and relax. It's just enough to be here Observe, listen, open, soften into this moment. And when we do that, we're strengthening the capacity to meet our experience with kindness and warmth, with compassion, with equanimity.

[48:46]

And it's in that meeting that something transformative happens. And we sense we have a different potential that's not about control and domination. It's about something deeper. It's about touching the deeper truth of our belonging to this very life. So I'll close with a poem that I read at the beginning. A New and Deeper Truth. The old truth made you run a thousand miles inside an arid desert, desperate for an oasis. Sit and close your eyes. Inhale the breeze of kindness. Exhale the toxic judgments, dehydrating you like a prune. Feel the pain of old patterns trapped in tense muscles. It's okay.

[49:49]

It's okay to cry, to taste the salt of possibility. Just be. Just breathe. Let waves break against the silence, returning you to a new and deeper truth. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge And this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we all fully enjoy the Dharma.

[50:45]

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