This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. My name is Greg Shane, along with my wife, Linda Galleon. The two of us currently are the abiding teachers at Berkeley Zen Center in the East Bay, my home temple. I'll say more about that later. I just wanted to say at the outset, wow, what an assembly of bodhisattvas. This is like something out of the Lotus Sutra. My gosh. I'm really happy to be here.

[01:01]

I've been coming to Green Gulch for many years. I've never lived here before, but I've visited many, many times, and it definitely feels like home to me. First time I came to Green Gulch was 1975. I came for a three-day sashim. It was led by this rather intense young man named Reb Anderson. He gave us zazen instruction. It was really good. Stuck with me. I was 19. I'm just really happy to be here. I also want to start by thanking and acknowledging my teacher, Sojan Mel Weitzman Roshi, the old Buddha of the East Bay, and to say that this talk is just to encourage you in your practice.

[02:13]

Also, I want to thank Abit Juryu for inviting me to give the talk today. It's quite an honor to speak with all of you. Sojourn Roshi always tell me, talk about what you're practicing with. So today I'd like to talk about gratitude and grief. I was told that this was not the kids' dharma talk, so I didn't prepare a kids' dharma talk. I don't know if I have to give specific content warning. But, yeah, I just want to say that at the outset. And the way I want to talk about this is I'll try to come around to it in a funny kind of way to talk about how I practice with

[03:28]

and how I relate to gratitude and grief. So I was thinking, I'm going to give the Dharma talk at Gringos Farm. It feels like kind of a big deal. Maybe I should talk about a koan. Okay. What's a good koan? You know, those Zen stories. Well, let me see. There's this famous koan collection called The Book of Serenity, which is specific to this school of Zen, the Soto lineage, Soto school in China, 13th century China, Zao Dong lineage, but it's a collection of 100 koans specific to this school of Zen. So you might think that the first koan in that collection would be pretty important, and you'd be right. And it's a little goofy to me.

[04:32]

I like it a lot. It's called the World Honored One Ascends the Platform. Or the World Honored One, that's Buddha, the big guy, numero uno. The World Honored One ascends the seat. So it's like we're going to go up somewhere and give a Dharma talk. And the way the koan goes is the world-honored one ascends the seat. Then Manjushri, that's that big guy back there on that altar, Manjushri Bodhisattva hits the gavel. He says, Clearly observe the Dharma of the King of Dharmas. The dharma of the king of dharmas is death! Too much?

[05:34]

It's the gavel again. Shakyamuni comes down without saying a word. That's the whole koan. Of course, we don't know how, what inflection mantra used, but have you ever heard it in Japanese? Was anybody here at Juyu's mountain seat ceremony? Hands. Oh, not so many people. I've been to quite a few mountain seat ceremonies in my time in Zen Center and elsewhere. And when we can, usually we get Suzuki Roshi's son, Hoesu, to come and help us. and to be part of the ceremony. And the thing he does, the big thing he does, is when the, they call it shimei, the new abbot, new life it means, they go up on this, we construct this platform just for the occasion, you know, it's quite elevated, and they go up there and they stand up there, and they give us some dharma.

[06:49]

But right after they get up there, then hoitsu, plays this, you know, what the... Thomas Cleary, in the translation, what he calls the gavel, we call the sui ching. It's this thing with this sort of pedestal and this striker where he goes... And then he does this in Japanese, which I do not speak Japanese, but the last word, he goes... Like that. That's why I said thus like that. Because that's the word. In San Francisco Zen Center, part of our liturgy, we chant the Song of the Jewel Mirror Samadhi. What's the first line of the Song of the Jewel Mirror Samadhi? A little louder?

[07:55]

A little louder? you, thank you, thank you. The teaching of thusness. When I was Shuso in Tassahara in 2005, we studied the Jewel Mirror Samadhi. This is written by our Chinese ancestor Dungshan, who's the root teacher of this school. And we chanted it in Japanese sometimes. So I know the first two words in Japanese. Nyoze no ho. The teaching of thusness. Nyoze. There's that word again. In Sanskrit, tatata, that's fun to say. It means thusness. It's the counterpart of shunyata, which means emptiness, usually translated as such. So tatata is where we get this epithet of the Buddha, the tathagata, thus come one. Taigen Dan Leighton Roshi, David Tarama taught once, and he said, you could think of thusness or suchness.

[09:10]

It's translated both those words in English. They're kind of interchangeable. They are interchangeable, actually. Thusness or suchness. He said, you can think of thusness as the positive aspect of emptiness. What does that mean? Why is it so important to this school of Zen? See what I'm talking about? I just celebrated my birthday a couple of weeks ago, so I'm a Cancer, right? Cancer of the crab. Crabs, they get where they're going by walking sideways a lot of the time. I apologize. refers to the nature of reality free from conceptual elaborations and subject-object distinction.

[10:21]

All right? Good? That's from Wikipedia. Very satisfying. You can think of it as when Suzuki Roshi so often talked about things as it is. But those are conceptual elaborations. So what about the actual experience? What does it feel like? What does this thing feel like? How do we experience that? This has been an interesting question for me for a long, long time. It is all bold.

[11:47]

It says Zazen. That's my answer. Zazen. I recommend it. Thousands of hours of Zazen. If you get the chance, that's what I recommend. When my teacher ordained in 1969... Suzuki Roshi ordained him as a priest. He gave Sojin a piece of calligraphy as a present. It's the single character, Bones. It's hanging in the abbot's office. If you come visit us at Berkeley Zen Center, I'll show it to you. You know what I'm talking about. Special for Sojin. One time, He and I were walking up Tassajara Road, and I stopped.

[12:48]

He stopped. We stopped to take in the view, probably at the second overlook, just pausing, breathing, taking in the view. And I turned to him and I said, I think this place is getting in my blood. And he says, good. Stick around until it gets in your bones. How do we feel this? How do we get it in our bones? This thing that, you know, in the koan, Shakyamuni just gets down, he doesn't speak a word. He doesn't say anything. Because you can't say anything. Some intellectual explanation from Wikipedia is not very satisfying. You're talking about your experience, our experience, our collective experience. To me, what comes close is connection and belonging.

[14:00]

Like, there's this feeling, there's a place for me in this world, in this universe. that I belong here. And that's something that a lot of people have a hard time with. A lot of people. Very common symptom of chronic depression and other forms of mental illness. Oh, there's no place for me in this world. Yeah. So, for a long time, besides Zazen, because I'll take this opportunity to tell you Zazen alone won't cut it.

[15:06]

I definitely recommend sitting thousands of hours of Zazen But that alone is not enough. That's why we have the precepts. That's why we have forms and ceremonies. That's why we have this way of life, which my high school history teacher told me was the definition of religion. He's a smart guy. He said, religion is not about theism, God, or lack of a God. Religion, he said, is a way of life. this way of life. I guess I'll start with gratitude, because that's been my practice for a long time. Gratitude is how I access this feeling of connection in a practical way.

[16:09]

I can always find something to be grateful for. I'm grateful to be here this morning with all of you. I'm grateful to be alive. I walk up Russell Street in my neighborhood. There's this guy, David, who's very often parked on the corner of Russell and Adeline, and he lives in the Harriet Tubman Terrace. It's low-income housing for seniors. I exchanged a few words with David. I said, how are you doing? He says, any day above ground is a good day. I agree. I like life. I like consciousness. It's quite a gift. It's a gift to be cherished and shared. I'm grateful for my teachers.

[17:14]

I'm grateful for my parents who brought me into this world and did their dangest to raise me up the best way they knew how. I'm really grateful to San Francisco Zen Center. I especially wanted to say that this morning. I'm not actually part of San Francisco Zen Center anymore. Berkeley Zen Center is a whole different temple. It's my home temple. Linda and I left Tassajara at the end of guest season 2023. And we had this idea of going on the road and being traveling Zen teachers, which has turned out to be a pretty amazing thing, mostly in Texas and New Orleans. So the Texas Triangle, Houston Zen Center, which we've been going to for 20 years, as long as it's existed.

[18:22]

We have deep abiding friendship with the abbot, Caitlin Godwin Roshi, as well as Austin Zen Center and San Antonio Zen Center, Mid-City Zen in New Orleans. It's a place we've been practicing for a while, five years. So, yeah, last year we lived in New Orleans for four months. This spring, two months. Lived in San Antonio for four months, nearly. And it's kind of funny to leave because I practice San Francisco Zen Center, mostly Tassajara, but also in City Center. four years or so, as part of San Francisco Zen Center for 23 years. And I was not only supported, I was encouraged to sit thousands of hours of sasen.

[19:29]

What a gift. And for me, it was a good match. Yeah. And awesome training, many kind teachers. Yeah, I recommend it. If you're a resident here, stick around as long as you can. For me, I was in my early 40s when I started in Tassajara in 2000. So I've had plenty of, you know, I had a swell career I gave up in healthcare. And I worked a gazillion other jobs. Construction, truck driving, you name it. Enough different things I could write the great American novel, if I could write. And so, when I decided to just go and do residential practice, yeah, I...

[20:41]

I'd had a really good taste of this other life. And I was just so amazed that this alternative existed. This other way of life existed that I could just enter into completely with my whole body and heart and give myself to completely. There's nothing else I've ever wanted to give myself completely to. Like that. And San Francisco Zen Center afforded me that opportunity. And I am forever grateful. Forever grateful. This feeling of gratitude. This warm hearted feeling. what you're grateful for, who you're grateful for.

[21:42]

In the midst of that feeling, there's this connection. There's this spark that's happening. And I call that being held in the web of thusness. The separation diminishes. Our late abbot, Yogan Steve Stuckey, shared with us this practice of waking in the morning. He would wake up, he would turn, get out of bed, feet would touch the floor, hands would go into gusho, and he said, gratitude. That's all.

[22:43]

I still do that. I still do that. Come to think of it, I did it this morning. I'm not as compulsive about it as I used to be. I used to be like without fail. Nowadays it's more like every now and then. It's a nice practice. I can recommend it. Particularly if it's not something that comes natural to you. I've worked with people, and this is a pretty common thing. Ask them to just journal. Think of three things in a day that you're grateful for. Just three. Three things and write them down. The next day, challenge three other things. Three different things. Write those down. I know someone who did that for a year.

[23:47]

And they said, it really helped. You know, to get you out of yourself, to get you out of, we call it dukkha, suffering. And lately, I've come to realize that grieving, is a very similar practice for me. So nowadays, I kind of think of them together, gratitude and grief. I've been practicing with a lot, a lot of loss. I mean, the reason that Linda and I are living in Berkeley Zen Center and teaching in Berkeley Zen Center right now is our dear abbot, Ozan Al-Sanaki, passed away in December. They asked us to come in September.

[24:53]

We were just finishing up being in San Antonio. Our plan was to be in Santa Cruz after that. They were expecting us in Santa Cruz. I got an email from the board chair, Karen Suntime. She said, would you consider coming to Berkeley and helping us out? And of course, we said yes right away. It's our home temple. That's where I received the precepts as a layperson. That's where I was ordained as a priest. That's where Linda and I got married. That's the house that Mel built. Absolutely, book on. And we did, and we helped out. We actually moved in with Alan's wife, Lori, in 1933, Russell Street. And it was, wow. Alan really wanted to come home. So we put a hospital bed in the Abbott's office, the ground level, so we could get a wheelchair in and out. And that's where he spent his last days.

[25:55]

It was very, very moving. And Linda and I were there for the whole thing. And now I feel so close to Lori and the rest of the Sanaki family. I feel like I'm family too. and gone through that experience with them. And the rest of the Berkley Center Sangha. I mean, we'd just lost, I don't know, just lost, but Sojun Roshi passed away in 2021. So, it was not that much later. And Alan had been around for decades, you know. He was vice-habit, he was Tanto, he was vice-habit, he was like Sojun's right-hand man, you know. So losing Sojin in 2021 and then Alan in the end of 2024 was a big blow for Berkeley's ancestor.

[27:03]

And it has brought us closer together in our collective grief. Alan's funeral or I mean, it's not going to be like a high church Soto Zen funeral like you might have witnessed here in Green Gulch Zendo, because there's going to be lots and lots of music. Because Alan was a folk musician, and he has a huge part of his life connection with all these other artists. And so there's going to be a lot of music. So it's going to be at the Freight and Salvage. Yep. In Berkeley, in downtown Berkeley. And y'all are invited. Yeah, I think there should be plenty of room, lots of music. And we'll have a ceremonial aspect, and they invited me to be Doshi, which is a great honor. And that will be on the 10th, Sunday, which is also the second year anniversary of the passing of my student, Curtis Fabens.

[28:21]

Right now, two years ago, right about now, two years ago, at Berkeley Zen Center, I was giving Curtis Dharma Transmission, which is about the most intimate thing you can do in this religion, to entrust another person with this Dharma and make them a Buddha ancestor. And he passed away two weeks later. Very sad, very tragic. Curtis had this condition called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, which affects the body's ability to make collagen, which is why he could sit full lotus, just like that, no problem whatsoever, and frequently dislocating joints. It's just how, you know, for Curtis, that was just his life. He was a real Zen person. This is just what's happening.

[29:26]

And you also need collagen for the major arteries in your body. It just bled out in the middle of the night. And sad as it was, his widow, Caitlin, told me that it was the biggest thing for him to receive Dharma transmission that made him so happy. And he died as a Buddha ancestor. So that's very much on my mind. That was, yeah, summer of 2023, my last summer, I was just destroyed. That was a mess. And then just last Sunday, a week ago, a member of our sangha, he goes way back to the very beginnings of Berkley Zen Center. Ram Nestor also passed away, and this was a big blow as well.

[30:31]

We had a beautiful service, and Dharma talker, we're just remembering Ram yesterday. It was extremely moving, and the tea and cookie afterwards, just, everybody, so convivial. So much fellowship. It just is so palpable. This song of just coming together like, yeah, I see you. You see me. Here we are. We're together. We're holding each other. That feeling. I think it's really making Berkeley Zen Center a stronger place, but it's rough. It's been rough. And that was the day after The great, great bodhisattva, Joanna Macy, breathed her last in our neighborhood. She's our neighbor, in the Elmwood neighborhood in Berkeley.

[31:32]

Wow. What can I say about Joanna Macy? I'm not the right person to eulogize Joanna Macy. I didn't know her. I think it's probably... very difficult to be a 21st century Buddhist and not be aware of her teachings. If you aren't, I highly recommend that, especially in light of the climate crisis that we are living through, all of us. Teachings are a great help. I happened to be on a walk when, yeah, my usual walk. I go up Russell Street, head due east, uphill, go to Claremont, turn around, come back down Stewart Street. That's three miles. Very good for you walking. Coming down Stewart Street, there's Joanna Macy with her caregiver, Lynn Burnett.

[32:39]

Couldn't believe it. And she was just 96. She asked me that three times. It just... She had this visible corona. I'm not kidding. I mean, okay, not visible exactly, but just the energy of this woman, the love and light coming off her was... I don't want to ask Lynn, can I just come back and, like, sit Darshan with her sometime? You know? And funny thing is, he had the same idea. But very shortly thereafter, she fell and broke her hip, and she got pneumonia. Usual thing. She said, I'd just like to stay here at home. But Lynn invited me, Linda, and Lori. The three of us went, and we got to sit with her in the afternoon, the day after she died.

[33:46]

In her bed, just laid out there. I've sat visual with people, deceased people before, but this was so powerful. I can't describe it exactly. In her presence, I just felt like this is just the remains of someone who's given their entire life energy, holding nothing. And later on, I'm like, what am I doing anyway? What am I doing? Not helpful to make those kinds of comparisons, but if it inspires me to practice harder, good. So powerful. And, you know, grief brings us together that way, collectively. in small ways and large ways.

[34:50]

How do we handle this except with each other's support? How do you, and here comes the content warning, okay? What do you do about the knowledge of children starving? What do you do knowing The children are starving as a result of policy decisions made by powerful people. How do you hold that knowledge? What do you do about it? Palestine. Sudan. Click. Click. Scroll. Scroll. Is that what you do? Do you numb out?

[35:57]

What do you do? We need each other. We need each other. To face this. To face the climate catastrophe. To face species abstention. to face what's really, really, really difficult to face and not turn away. There's Joanna Macy's Dharma. Not turning away. The Sikh activist from Clovis, California, Valerie Kaur. If you don't know about her, you should check her out. She's a great bodhisattva. She said, grieving is frontline social justice work. And I could not agree more. It brings us together. It helps us to cultivate community, culture, connection, compassion.

[37:11]

to find each other held in this mutual web of thusness. You're not alone. You have each other. Together, you can face what's very difficult to face. Together, we can find things to work with and work on and find a way forward and not give up to fear and despair. I'm sorry to say, there are elements that very much like it, if you were giving up to fear and despair, or just numbing out. Clip. Clip. Scroll. Scroll. That ain't no way to live. So, that's my entire practice coming to the fore, you know.

[38:28]

Together. Not alone. Never alone. Together. That's how I see it. Thank you very much. for your attention this morning. What a joy to be here. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our programs are made possible by the donations we receive. Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support. For more information, visit zc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[39:28]

@Transcribed_UNK
@Text_v005
@Score_90.88