Good morning. Good morning. Today's Day is day four of the Sashin. And day four is often a hump day. You know, for some people it's day three, for some people it's day four and a half. Some people never have a hump day, so there are all possibilities.

[01:05]

By day four, we have basically had a chance to probably see most of our favorite, beloved thought loops, feeling loops, physical loops. I'm out of here. It would be way better to be somewhere else. Why do I have this body and not that body? I'm doing really, really great. I'm doing just, you know, below average and get a C or an F. And maybe because we just keep returning to our seat. when the bell rings, we have a chance to actually see that they're just stories.

[02:14]

And so we can maybe have a chance to become courageous and see how it is if we just let them go. if you just don't engage in them. Just say goodbye, as Sancho said. Friendly. Just goodbye for the next few days. Two nights ago, I said something in the last period of SOS and mentioning the deep, deep that was so tangible in the meditation hall. And that stillness actually is always there. It runs through everything.

[03:23]

It's in your body, in your mind, in your heart, in whatever state you're in, The stillness is always there. It's around us. It's in the plants, in the animals, in the sky, in the earth, in the rain. And it is not bothered by sounds, smells, touch, events, feelings. It's just it runs through all life, through this whole universe. And we have a chance, actually, to always kind of listen to it, look for it, feel for it, reach, kind of for it.

[04:30]

We can always try if we remember to see, can I feel the stillness in my current upset, for example? I just tried to print out something for today's talk, and it's not on the computer that I now have. So an opportunity for upset... or an opportunity to remember that the stillness and the silence are always here, indiscriminate of what's going on, non-judgmental about anything that's going on, completely open, all-embracing,

[05:35]

It is always there to receive us in whatever state we find ourselves. So we can... And when we touch it, or when we let it touch us, or when we are... feel the connection, everything is at peace. Peace and relaxation and stillness are always there. They are possible in the most horrendous situation. It doesn't mean We can always touch it or always remember it or always feel it, but that doesn't mean it isn't always there.

[06:40]

And sometimes just the thought, while being in pain, illness is in pain too, and in suffering and in grief. It's everywhere. It permeates everything. If in the middle of the experience that we're in, that this being is in, when we can remember that stillness is there, the possibility of being relaxed in the middle of this is there, it shifts a little bit. It's like we, by remembering that the experience that is expressing itself in our body or mind or our feelings is suddenly surrounded by the possibility of relaxation, even though we might feel very tense that moment.

[07:57]

It actually places... whatever is happening into the bigger picture. And that has an effect which you might want to experiment with and find out for yourself. So we have always choices. Always. that also runs through all things. How we feel, what we feel, is not necessarily a choice. That just arises. But how we relate. What kind of relationship do we...

[09:00]

How do we relate to what the experience is? The pain, the thoughts, the upsets, the joys, the happiness is our choice. So Hafiz says something like, the subject tonight is love. And for tomorrow night as well. As a matter of fact, I know of no better topic for us to discuss until we all die. The subject tonight is love. The subject today is love. And for tomorrow night as well. Or for tomorrow as well.

[10:06]

And as a matter of fact, I know of no better topic for us to discuss until we all die. So we are chanting the loving-kindness meditation every day during this practice period. That's the topic of love. And it gives us wonderful instructions of love not being disturbed by worldly affairs, of not judging, not disparaging, not making the distinction. This is high and therefore it gets respect and this is low, so it doesn't get respect and this is big and this is small. So the stillness and the silence runs through everything.

[11:16]

And I would like to really, really, really remind all of us, this means also this being, to really keep silent. To not talk to your roommate during Sesshi. To not... talk quickly something, whisper something in a corner. Because if we create that container of silence, and it's hard to do because we're so used to talk. And, you know, after two days we see somebody talk, it's a little bit like when you clean up your room, everything gets its place. For a few days, it's easy to keep the order because you place things where they belong when you come in.

[12:17]

And then one day you're a little bit in a hurry and you just put it down, right? And then the next day, the next moment you come in, you put something else down. And then you start having this little pile of chaos, which then kind of just starts spreading. I have a continuous relationship which sometimes feel adversarial with paper. I mean, paper just tends to grow on my desk and on my table and on my chairs and on my floor and on everywhere. And then I make a big effort and I clean it all up. And then I leave a little pile because I don't know what to do with those things. Where do they go? And then they start growing again. They are really, you know, they multiply and they have babies and it's just amazing. So it's the same with silence.

[13:22]

We were really good the first two days and yesterday started to fray at the edges. And so we just remember and we make the effort because that silence, that Effort to stay silent helps us to actually touch into the stillness. It's an entry gate into that stillness that runs through all life. Always. And that also helps us to step out of our stories. Just when we notice them... to step out. And in our body, actually we can find that stillness at the end of our exhale. If our breathing is unlabored, it's just in its own way moving, not interfered with, there is a pause at the end of the exhale before a new inhale arises.

[14:35]

And when we start touching or resting in that pause, that's one gateway into the stillness. And if we allow ourselves to kind of disappear into that stillness, we'll be given a big gift. It's It's like trusting that we will live without ourselves having to tell all the time that we are alive by being upset or by loving something or by hating something or by wanting it different. That's all our ways to kind of really be sure that we are existing and that we are...

[15:36]

or if our self-image is I'm me and that means not fitting in, then we affirm that. So to step out of all of that and trust, it's a leap of faith, trust that this life is happening and it's beyond... way, way, way beyond of anything that we might think, other people might think, other people tell us, we tell ourselves what that is. And when we see Tzachim, we get tastes of that. We get tastes of how appreciative we are of everybody in this room, because we start feeling that without them and without their presence and their uniqueness, which we wouldn't be able to put words to and capture it, this wouldn't be happening in the way it's happening.

[16:56]

We are nourished because people are doing kitchen sushi. They're practicing selflessness and being present while shopping and cooking and tasting and serving. And others, we support the kitchen by going to the zendo and sitting. and having practice discussions and doing what we're doing, chanting. And the wider world supports us in whichever way our partners, our family, by letting us go for seven days and allowing us to just do this. And they help us take care of our dogs and cats and kids and plants, whatever needs taken care of. So when you have signed up for doksan or a practice discussion and then you get invited to go or get a note with the time,

[18:33]

I would encourage you not to start worrying, what am I going to say? Or, oh, I had a question when I signed up, but now it disappears. And what am I going to do? I don't know what to say. But that you just trust that you can just go sit down, not knowing if you're going to say anything or not. Because actually it's a possibility to sit there completely still together for a while, and then bow and leave. And that might be the most powerful practice discussion or doksa. Because if you go with that stillness and that not knowing, because part of why we... have a little bit of hard time to kind of just let ourselves drop into that quiet, still, silent, spacious place is that it feels empty.

[19:50]

It feels like unlimited. It's empty of ideas. It's empty of concepts. It's empty of things, but it's not empty of life. And we can hear that, but we can't know it ahead of experiencing it. So that leap between hearing and intellectually thinking, yeah, I can, maybe that's so. And the actual energetic experience of really falling into, I mean, the words are often like jumping, falling, falling,

[21:01]

Very seldom people walk tiny little steps into it. At some point it's like a threshold. Threshold that you allow yourself or that being to just... I told your breath a moment. That's when Dogen says, the Zazen I speak of is not learning meditation. It is simply the Dharma gate of repose and bliss. It's a gate.

[22:12]

is things as they are in suchness. It is life as it is without us having a commentary about it, some words about it, some ideas about it. Life was there before we had ideas. before we were talking, and it will be there after we've had ideas and after we stop talking. And we can tap, we can dive, that's another word, into that. So when you get to that threshold, when you start kind of, whatever is going on kind of step back and see if you can feel and connect to the stillness that's there rather than being caught up in the waves of pain or thoughts or arguments in your head or whatever.

[23:37]

If you step back and relax into that stillness, and you feel that edge or that threshold, the instruction is do not push yourself. So it's when the words sometimes that come is like step off the hundred foot pole, or jump, or dive. But that is always this being steps. This being dives. This being jumps. It comes from inside this being. It's not somebody back there saying, oh, this is now the good threshold, so go. That is not helpful. And that is not kind. You may stand at that threshold for many years and seemingly

[24:43]

Nothing big is happening. But what is actually happening is your life is gathering everything it needs till one day it steps and can let go of everything because it's ready to be realized, to be realized beyond concepts, beyond knowable, beyond thoughts. So it comes back again to the basic kindness and honesty and a trust. It's also a practice of trusting that where you are right now is actually perfect. It doesn't need fixing. Ino Son, what is the time?

[25:57]

22. Thank you. Thank you. Do you know by heart those last few lines of the poem you said yesterday, we sit and wait? There was something about, so I, you know... I'm inclined to deal with my hands opening and my eyes opening. Welcoming? Yeah, reading whatever there is. Whatever is arriving or something, yes. So it was just a wonderful image of being here. not somewhere else, with a willingness and an openness to see, feel, hear what presents itself with a welcoming spirit.

[27:08]

David White says, enough. These few words are enough. If not these words, this breath. If not this breath, this sitting here. This opening to life we have refused again and again until now. Until now. Enough. These few words are enough. If not these words, this breath. If not this breath, this sitting here. This opening to the life we have refused again and again. Until now.

[28:19]

Until now. I think we have time for a couple of questions. Greg? What do you think? Thank you. Unconditional love is born from stillness, silence

[29:38]

Another way we can help us to get out of our stories is to focus on our senses. So to actually just open your ears to the sounds and let the sounds just be sound waves that are coming through or the raindrops In Japan, at Rinzō-in, Suzuki Roshi's temple, some parts of it are 300 years old, and the old temples have these tile roofs that are very curved, so they go like this, and they don't have gutters. And it rains in Japan, they're big rains. And around the temple building, it's landscaped.

[31:21]

So there is rocks and plants and water and different plants. So when it rains, the water runs into the gullies of those tiles and then comes down on the outside. So when you have the screens open, you see them. There is either drops that look like pearl drops when it's not raining very hard or they're like little waterfalls. And then when you listen, you have a symphony of music because depending on what they touch, they make another sound. So rocks, leaves, water, big drops, small drops. I mean, you could just be there forever just listening. And in all that sound, it's completely still. So when you tune into sounds, it's a big help.

[32:30]

Or you can also do it with sight. It's a little harder for us. Both are hard because our mind immediately wants to say, oh, this is handy, and this is Ursula, rather than just see form, shades. But that might be a way also to kind of get out of our stories, our obsessions with them. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered at no cost, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org. and click giving. May we fully enjoy the doymo.

[33:24]

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