This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Welcome to Beginner's Mind Temple. This morning, I was walking in and Charlie saw me in the kitchen, who's a resident here, and he said, knock them dead. And I thought, no, we want to knock him alive. This is Genjo Koan. We want to knock you alive. Actually, you want to knock you alive. Maybe we don't know it yet, but that's what we want to do. So the talk today, and here's the theme, Shundo, because you'll call me and ask me, what in the world did you talk about? What was the title? We'll call it Getting Into the Game. getting into the game, how to enter into the actual experience of your own life and some of the problems that come up around that or hindrances or difficulties that we experience.

[01:15]

And of course the biggest difficulty is you see things from your side in a sense. You actually are totally in your own life But because of the way we're constructed and we look, we get confused about the situation. So we build these edifices and we keep the doors open so people can come here to explore, what is my life? How do I really live my life? How do I take part in it? And when I get turned around and it hurts, what do I do? So really that's the talk of Buddhism. This is always the discussion. Buddhism. It's a very pragmatic teaching. Buddha, at least the Buddha that I read about, was a supreme pragmatist. He was interested in, how does it work? What does it do? Does discussion have even the slightest meaning for your life?

[02:19]

And if not, don't spend your time there. It's not so useful. So that's the talk. And I'll start the talk in a minute. I want to preface with just two things. Oh, first one thing, I was waiting for a snow day. I don't know anybody else was going to... I'm from Ohio. I was strangely excited. Somebody said, it looks light outside. And I said, where, what, snow? This morning at 630, when I shouldn't have been talking anyway. Snow, so not that I didn't want to be here, but there's something about snow, the first snow that's really exciting if you're from the Midwest or the East or from Tahoe or from here. So no snow day. So, before I just want to remember, say something about inspiration and inspirational people. You know, in this aspect of inspiration and being encouraged by each other, you know, it's really easy to be discouraged by each other.

[03:28]

You know, it's really easy to find our imperfections. But it's really helpful, I think, to have models that are encouraging, true models, living models. And when we see each other, to see outlined over each person the vast potential that's available here. Instead of saying, well, these are all the things that this one isn't doing correctly, and it's causing me difficulties, you would feel more sympathy or warmth to see what incredible possibilities of joy and freedom exist here. And seeing this person is stuck and also trying to get out like you. So I think inspiration and holding this big possibility for each one of us. You know, Shakyamuni didn't talk about enlightenment for a different group of people that were better than us. He's talking about us. This is Genjo Koan. Right here, right now.

[04:28]

You know, this is pragmatic. If it's not right here, right now, what do you care? If it's not your life and you're not part of it, what do you care? you know, then you should throw that away and come back here in the midst of your own very life and begin to practice. You know, we use the word beginner's mind and right now we're going through changes also at Zen Center. You know, we're exploring expert's mind, you know, as we begin to talk about Zen Center for the future. What is Zen Center going to be? How do we keep this place... available for everybody. So in a way, you know, we teach beginner's mind so people can go back into the realm of expert's mind and not get stuck. And we're working with it ourselves now very diligently. So we need to kind of keep the big inspiration that we're all big possibilities here and see how this dialogue happens, how expert's mind actually learns.

[05:33]

there may be another way, another approach, another availability, and the beginner's mind can actually trust, you know, expert's mind also is contingent. It also depends on all other existence. It has no absolute or inherent meaning. We trust that, yeah, it's a pretty good idea. Let's try that, but let's turn it like this. So we're exploring that ourselves, you know, so see how we do. Watch how we do. And... You'll learn more about the vision of Zen Center and this effort to keep this place whole so that we can all continue to practice. This is our Zen Center, by the way. Nobody owns this place. It's a place of practice. That's its wonder. It has to stay open as a place of open practice where everybody belongs. Everybody takes part. Everybody has a meaning. So recently... And in fact, yesterday I went to a funeral. We've lost several people, and I want to hold them up for just a moment, both to acknowledge the death of three important members of our sangha, but also to use them as examples of people practicing in the midst of their real lives.

[06:50]

And you really do that in community. It's very hard not to. In fact, everybody's in community. You have families, you have connections, you go to work, everybody's in community. But you get to see how people have to struggle sometimes to work with their difficulties. We call that karma, the real conditions of your life. Not something fictional, just the real conditions of your life. You know, certain parents, certain times, certain food, just like a ball of thread gathered together, something's expressed, and you have to work with that situation. Yesterday we celebrated Darlene Cohen's funeral. at Green Belch Farm. And I think of Darlene, I always think, you know, she was an example to me of true courage, you know, Dharmakaya courage. She never, I think she knew because of the difficulties in her, this is my perception, by the way, I didn't sit and talk with Darlene about this, because of the difficulties

[07:58]

that she had with her physical health, she couldn't depend or cling to nothing. So she kept her energy high and kept going. She was probably the boldest person I knew. You know, Michael drew a drawing of her for the program, and it had a picture of Darlene sitting here with her toes painted red. You know, saucy. Saucy and alive. Yeah, my toes are red. Let's talk about that. And who are you, by the way? And she would always hone in on who you were and talk about your life. So she kept going. She kept going. She didn't stop. She didn't cling to things. She didn't complain. I'm sure she complained. I'm sure it was painful. And she knew when she complained, it was important to let herself complain, but not to get stuck in it. Not to define her existence by her complaints. But what's next? The Oscars are this week. Let's watch. I have students to talk with.

[08:59]

Let's get up. What's the next thing? So there's a boldness, not dependent or clinging to anything. You just go forward, no matter what your situation is. So it was an inspiration of this activity, Dharmakaya activity, just expressing itself. Do it. It might not work. Do it. Go ahead. Maybe it'll work. Maybe it won't. That's not the point. Do it. Take part. Two weeks ago, Jerome Peterson, who celebrated his funeral, he died December 12th. Jerome was such an example to me of practicing with difficult circumstances. Jerome's karma was tricky. He had some difficulties. Some people thought, well, that's a real wild monk, eccentric monk. So that's one aspect of Jerome. throwing the windows open, everything blowing around behind him, you know, some chaos. But he was also the guy every day who rode his bike from here to Hartford Street for 11 years to keep the Zendo open.

[10:04]

Not because he was the chief priest or would be the chief priest or everybody would love him, because it was important to keep the Zendo open so that we could go there and sit, you know, in a Zendo and have some space possibly in our lives. So he did that. And then one day he got knocked off by a car, knocked off his bike, so he gave up his bike and then he walked for another six or seven years. Was he perfect? No, but that's not the point. He did something. Got on his bike, he rode over there, opened his endo. The last two years of his life I worked with Jerome in my role as the people person with elder issues. He was retiring here and he had some health issues, so I became that irritating family member. You know, in families. Oh, no, we have to do this now. We need this appointment. It's a very hard. It's a very hard role when you're independent. Jerome was very independent to let somebody talk to you that way. And it got to the point, actually, he was deeply hurt, nearly had tears in his eyes after one talk we had.

[11:10]

And then he wouldn't talk with me at all, and he was as angry as anybody has ever been. We didn't talk for about a month. We both had to step back. He was so angry. And I was, anyway, I was what I was. And then one day he said, you know, out of the blue, he said, would I have lunch? You know, and then, you know, I thought, oh, okay. And we went out and had Chinese food and he ordered big banquet dishes. And he almost fed me, put food in my mouth. A lot of banquet dishes. Have you ever eaten with Jerome? A lot of banquet dishes. And it was over. He dropped it. He dropped all of his ideas of what's right and wrong. He's a senior priest. How he was being treated, the discussions we had, he dropped it. Now something new could develop. It's very hard to do that, by the way. Really hard to just drop it. And then we slowly, something new developed between us. It wasn't the same as the old, but something new developed, a new relationship or connection, ability to relate to each other.

[12:20]

So this is an aspect of, you may be right. You may be wrong. Let go. Return to ground zero. You're not in charge of this. It's really important. You're not in charge of this. You have a role to play. Don't overplay your hand. We just overplay our hand in these situations. We're either too negligent. I don't care about anything. It doesn't really matter. Or we think, oh, Well, he shouldn't have spoken to me that way. Do I know who I am? And we speak from fear and we speak from need. And it becomes very confusing and very tight. We get lost in a place like that. So that's a great training. Drop it. Buddha said, let go. He doesn't mean let go in a simple-minded way. You have to be connected to your dispositions, what your choices are, to learn how to let go. So Jerome kind of demonstrated that for me in an incredible way. Just let go.

[13:21]

Hmm, pretty good Chinese food, huh? Yeah. Okay, what's next? And the third person, and I'll miss Lou's funeral in two weeks, is Lou Hartman. And Lou is just... When I think of Lou, I think of... the phrase, I'll take care of it, right away. You know, I'll take care of it. Almost immediately, you know, Lou would help out or take care of things. And he really took care of things. You know, there's a taking care of things. I've done that. Yeah, yeah, I'll help you out with that. I'll take it. And then I forget. Or I bring the wrong car. Or I come at the wrong time. But Lou would actually pay attention to what you needed and really take care of it. You really felt met when Lou would take care of things. He really paid attention and had difficulties like we all do and stayed right here.

[14:28]

Let everybody see them and he worked with them. Lou wasn't always the most cheerful guy. The first meeting I had with Lou was in 1991 and I ran into him out here. And I tend to develop a kind of Pollyanna-ish quality where I want things to be kind of happy all the time. So I ran into Lou and I said, hey, Lou, how are you today? And he said, up. And Tim died walking. But he smiled, you know, in his own new way. Up. It meant a lot for Lou to say up, by the way. Still in the game. Right here. Let's get on with it. I'll take care of it. Once I was, when I was the Eno, we were getting ready for the Suzuki Roshi Memorial. And this person isn't here, so. But it's okay if they were. It's not a bad thing to get upset. And we were setting up the Kaisando Lu and I. It's called the Head Chi and the person that helps out. And she was setting things up. And then she just got really upset that too much was being asked of her at that time because she had exams.

[15:37]

And she just yelled, don't you know this is all too much for me? You're asking too much. I can't do this anymore. Get someone else and laugh. So I was just, and this is at 6 in the morning, you know. So I was standing there, and Lou was in the corner, and he said, I'll take care of it. She's just tired, scared about her exams. That's a lot to say that at 6 in the morning, you know. Yeah, I'll take care of it. Just related to her situation, no big deal. Just met it. This is Genjo Koan. No big religious principle. Just meeting somebody, meeting the situation directly. So these are my inspirations. And I see it all the time. I see it all the time in people's practice. So it's important to get in the game to be inspired. It's really important to be inspired, to have a big upside.

[16:37]

To practice with some joy in your life too. Darlene said once in a lecture here, you know, she said, I go rafting a couple of times a year and then I store in my body the sunlight on the water so that later when I'm in deep pain, when my body, my arthritis is hurting, I have something. I go back to that sunny place. It's okay. That's using it. Not getting lost in the attachment to the sun. Using it creatively to work with your situation. It's good to do that. We need sustenance, healthy nutrients to do this kind of work. And this work is Genjo Koan, coming back to our life, inviting ourselves into our life, first of all. So first we have to get in here. So we're studying, you may guess, Genjo Koan. I sort of gave it away. We're studying Genjo Koan, which has many translations, actualizing the fundamental point.

[17:42]

manifesting suchness, genjo koan, manifesting absolute reality. The issue at hand, I like that one best, the issue at hand and the actualization of enlightenment are some. A lot of people just say, oh, it's genjo koan, they give up. But I'm going to use today the issue at hand. What is the issue at hand? And go at it from one line that I like a lot. To get to that line, I'm going to just unpack briefly the first paragraph of Genjo Kohan with some trepidation. You can imagine, I'm going to talk today about the actualization of enlightenment with you. Here we go. This is the actualization, by the way, of enlightenment right here. When you came here, this was the actualization of enlightenment. Everything else is after the fact, a little bit, by the way.

[18:44]

but we still have to work through the words. As all things are Buddhadharma, there is delusion and realization, practice and birth and death, and there are Buddhas and sentient beings. As the myriad things are without an abiding self, there is no delusion, no realization, no Buddha, no sentient being, no birth and death. The Buddha way is basically leaping clear of the many and the one. Thus, there are birth and death, delusion and realization, sentient beings and Buddhas. And then the line I want to talk about, but I have to preface it. Yet in attachment blossoms fall, and in aversion weeds grow. So this first is pointing directly back at Buddha's teaching of dependent origination, he called it, the true nature of existence, that all things, all composite phenomena, are contingent and dependent on all other phenomena to come into existence.

[19:46]

Mark has no meaning without Mark's parents, his heredity, his DNA, his cup of water, your smiling faces, the name Mark. It has no meaning without this connection. So what is this connection? This is the question that's being asked here. And it's asked in a specific way. So it's pointing back to this big question, what the heck is this? It's solid, and it's changing continually. It seems independent, but it can't exist alone. What is this? And how do I relate to it? Oh, what am I? I guess I'm not solid either. I've started actually calling the zendo the desolidification chamber now. The desolidification chamber downstairs, where we desolidify a little bit. So these lines, it's a triptych. These lines, you know, and I'm going to give you my worker-like explanation because you deserve that.

[20:47]

But then I'm going to cast it all asunder really quickly. You know, the first lines is, all things are buddhidharma. There is delusion and realization, practice, birth and death. And there are buddhas and sentient beings. This is maybe... The things that exist around us, the phenomena that exist around us, the situation we find ourselves in, tables, chairs, fences, people, ideas, concepts, emotion. In a very particular and specific way, these things manifest themselves. Dogen also used the image of mountains are just mountains. Things are just things in a very concrete way. As the myriad things are without abiding self, they're totally dependent on each other even to come into existence for a second, and they're sustained only by this interdependence. There is no delusion. There's no absolute delusion, which would require separation. No realization, no Buddha, no sentient being, no birth and death.

[21:49]

This is the Heart Sutra, not arising, not ceasing, no birth and death. All right, pretty good. Dogen, you'll notice, also adds, as all things are. Buddha Dharma there is delusion. So he's also hinting that he put a little safety valve in there in case you take it too literally right away. So it's Dogen kind of being careful. The Buddha way is basically leaping clear of the many and the one. And thus, they're just birth and death, delusion and realization, sentient beings and Buddhas. So what is this leaping clear? Sounds pretty good, leaping clear of this whatever, in entering into this relationship with things. You know, it seems like the same things are being said again at the end. Well, there's just this. Sometimes we say mountains are mountains, and mountains are not mountains, and then mountains are just mountains again. We break it apart. But actually, each part contains all the other parts.

[22:50]

They really can't be broken apart. It's just the dilemma of... trying to take apart suchness you know so then how do we experience it how do we actually enter into that place where there's this leaping clear of the one and the many and the good news is you're here already and the bad news is we don't quite realize it and so we're continually working with some confusion about this situation you know the Dalai Lama is a CD downstairs in the Dalai Lama, said, you know, there are five stages to understanding gate-gate, para-gate, para-sam-gate, which is transcendent or complete understanding. And I'm at the first stage, which is some inferential knowledge. I begin to say, oh, I can't be here absolutely. I'm dependent on other things. So there's inferential knowledge again. But now in the second stage, there's some feeling in the heart of what emptiness is, of shunyata, you know. Buddhas exist in ghatte-ghatte-paragate.

[23:52]

They lead clearer than one in the many, and they're totally in harmony now with their situation. Buddha, when asked, he didn't say, I have conquered the dispositions. He said, I have appeased the dispositions. Disposition is sankara, or choices. I have appeased the choices. I don't do too little, and I don't do too much. I live in peace and harmony with the dispositions that I am born with, he still felt pain and difficulty. Just his pain and difficulty, you know, quite directly. So, now Dogen says this wonderful last line, yet an attachment blossoms fall, and aversion weeds spread. And this is, when I thought about it, I thought this is the tale of the koat, actually. It sweeps, it actually drives what went... Before, deeper, it kind of turns it on its head a little bit and says something like this to me.

[24:56]

It's like a painted picture here. How are you going to take that? Oh yes, attachment is bad. Aversion isn't so good. We could take it that way. But what's our real situation? I think Michael used the phrase, he said, when are we ever going to be complete? Was that when we talked about it? When are we going to be complete? Something. Anyway, I thought it was pretty good. I thought I always stole that line. I love that line from Gendron Kahn. It's my favorite. When are we ever going to be complete? And what's wrong with being incomplete? This is part of the problem with getting in the game. We're already going somewhere else. We're already hopping over there into some other realm. Blossoms, when they fall, they're quite lovely. You know, when blossoms fall, blossoms fall. In an aversion, weeds spread. Weeds have their own texture and life forms. If they're weeds, then you're there with the weeds, you know.

[26:02]

No problem. So, this is getting in the game. This is accepting this imperfect situation as workable. This imperfect situation. I mean, what would you work with? What are you going to be enlightened about if you had no delusions? It's a completely absurd proposition. You're going to be enlightened about enlightenment. Boy, that'll be fun. We can watch you. It'll be very interesting. So the big thing is getting in the game. Accepting where you're stuck, not as a problem, but as... a real place to work for the first time, giving you real information for the first time. Dogen says, you know, it's not that the past moment wasn't enlightenment. It's just that you were looking somewhere else. You go, oh, okay, I'll stay here. But actually, you're already there.

[27:07]

So there's a little bit of a trick here. It's like you give up the self. We're practicing giving up the separate self. But actually, we don't have a separate self. So it's a very interesting practice that we undergo. Anyway, so don't, I guess if there were a theme today with getting in the game, and I'll probably run out of time before I complete this, it's don't despise your situation. Don't despise each other. Work with inspiration, which is good. It's not that you give up. It's not that you go with the flow, which would be a ludicrous way of saying, The myriad things are without abiding self. There is no delusion, no realization, no Buddha. Ho-hum. It lacks total vitality. It's like that's why this whole thing is connected. No, you have to make some energetic effort. Don't cling to your energetic effort. Don't overshoot the mark.

[28:10]

You'll stir up trouble for yourself. You'll confuse yourself. What's the appropriate way to get in the game and to be here? So, an attachment blossoms fall, and an aversion weeds spread. Okay, here I am, confused, kind of afraid. Hmm, is this going to be a good talk or a bad talk? Will people like me or not? It's okay, these thoughts come up. You don't have to stay with them. They're just thoughts. One of my favorite koans, I've trotted out here a couple of times, is Wutzu's buffalo. Is it maybe a further, hopefully making this point a little bit further, I don't know. It says, Wutzu's buffalo, it says, this great buffalo easily passes through one of those lattice windows, but its tail always gets stuck.

[29:13]

Why is that? So imagine for a second a buffalo, huge water buffalo, easily going through that window, but its tail gets stuck. Why is that? More important, is that a problem or is that the first real opportunity that we have to wake up? Where you get stuck? A woman, a woman later, he gives it all away, he says, Oh, delightful little tale. Man can't keep silent. It gives you a big hint. Exactly where you get stuck, exactly where your problems are, exactly where your heart is, is exactly where compassion comes up for yourself in all life. There is no other ground to work on other than this imperfect ground that you're standing on right now. Don't leave. We take the bodhisattva vow to stay here.

[30:16]

This is what it means. Stuck, hopelessly stuck, hanging upside down by my tail. I'll turn around and look at it. That's an act of a free person, by the way. Trying to negotiate your way through the window is the act of a person who's already kind of trapped, trying to make a deal to get out. Don't try to make a deal. you heroically turn around and accept what you would consider being trapped as a human being. This is called taking your bodhisattva vow to stay here together. In that koan, Muman says, are you looking north at the head or south at the tail? Don't get turned around. He's telling you, don't try to get out. Don't try to wiggle out. Being enlightened isn't about wiggling out. It's about going in. It's about going deeper in, softening.

[31:17]

And to do that, we need this inspiration of each other as real human beings. And we need a place downstairs to desolidify it, a safe place. We go in there packed tight with all sorts of... He said this and she said that and the IRS and my life and my body's giving out and I lost a tooth for God's sake. And we go down there and we know who everybody is. I know what your story is. I know what you want to get. I know what I... And then we unpack it. It impacts itself just a little bit. Just a little bit. And we go, boy, that felt good. I don't know what that was about. And then we go out and we repack right away. It's like, okay. Because we've got to do it. And then we have to learn. So we're learning a technique, too. How to unpack and how to repack. What do you need to put in there? That's a little too much. You really need those socks.

[32:19]

You really think, you know, Jerome is bad? He yelled at you? You really need that, Mark? Is that really necessary to relate to Jerome? Oh, he hurt my feelings. Sure it hurt. It just hurt. Sometimes our response, our reaction to our pain is so much worse than just the pain. It just hurts. You just cry. You don't have to make a big story about who's evil and who's right. That's packing the wrong suitcase when you leave the desolidification chamber. And it's okay. You can work with that, too. Look what you put in the bag. We think when we pack, actually, we're in control. That's the irony. You know, it's fairly, you know, when you pack a bag, you are the bag. When you pack your anger, you become your anger. You are anger. Your universe is anger. It all makes sense. You made it up. You're stuck in it, you know. So to get in the game is to realize how it came about.

[33:26]

It's not somebody else doing it. And they're doing something, of course. They shouldn't eat so much peanut butter or they shouldn't, who knows what. If they eat a little less peanut butter, I'd be better off. But how, what are you doing with that information and why? If you can stay with that, that's the ground of enlightenment. That's the ground where you will pack correctly. You will appease the dispositions. You will live in harmony. this life but it wasn't talking about another place you know separate existence he was talking about doing it right now so this is working with karma is checking out what you're putting in your your bag not worrying about how the bag got handed to you you know we spend a lot of time on that

[34:33]

That's not Genjo Koan. That's not a personal relationship with the situation. So, for whatever reason, I'm going to end with this paragraph called Personal Knowledge from a Sutra called the Mahatanya Sankaya Sutra, the great sutra of letting go of thirst. Personal knowledge, and this is Genjo Kohak, personal knowledge, not impersonal knowledge, chewed over knowledge by somebody else, personal knowledge. So Buddha has been teaching on ignorance and waking up and true causality or how things are connected together. And he says, monks, knowing and seeing in this way yourselves, would you run back to the past and say, were we in the past? Were we not in the past? what were we in the past? How were we in the past?

[35:34]

Having been what? What did we become in the past? And they all answer, no, no, Lord. And he says, knowing and seeing this way, would you run forward to the future? Shall we be in the future? How shall we be in the future? Having been what? What shall we become in the future? And they say, well, no, Lord. This is Genjo Kohan. Why would you worry about that? What about right here, right now? Knowing and seeing this way, the Buddha asks, would you now be inwardly perplexed about the present? Thus, am I? Am I not? Do I really exist? Oh, emptiness. I'm not really here. What am I? How am I? Where does this come from and where will it go? And the answer, no, Lord. It's sufficient to be here, connected with what's really happening to you. No other place to be is Genjo Cohen.

[36:35]

Stay here. It's tough. The story you'll make up about the toughness is so much worse. It's going to hurt so much worse. Sure, there's pain in life. I'm going to tell you a children's story. People die. It's very painful when we lose people. And we're all going to die. It's really true. But I doubt. we can find an appeasement for those dispositions, a way to relate to this. I'd say in harmony, in balance, appropriately, with dignity, we can do this. See you in the desolidification chamber. Take good care. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge and this is made possible by the donations we receive.

[37:42]

Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfzc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[37:57]

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