This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. It says such a gathering... is rarely met with, even in countless eons. And yet it feels like we were just here last Sunday. The miracle continues. Thank you so much for coming here or joining online. Noticing the call of your heart to turn towards what we call the Buddha Dharma to turn towards your life and that that's worth a little drive and the possibility of some discomfort in this old barn.

[01:13]

Thank you for expressing your intention by coming this far. Maybe we can arrive together just by feeling the breath in our belly always helpful for me and maybe for you. Breathing out and feeling the breath emerge from deep in the belly. And then return all the way down deep into the belly. And to come upright, just to be upright and open in our body. And even just for a moment to clear our mind of anything other than what's here right now.

[02:17]

And then relax and open our eyes and allow the whole spring, all the light and sound and sensation, to be here fully as it is. So today, the other day, maybe yesterday or so, the day before, I asked my friend what I should talk about today. And she said, how about to remember that it's spring? I thought that was an excellent topic for a Zen talk, to remember that it's spring. Whatever you think of your life, for or against, or our world, we remember that, meanwhile, it's spring.

[03:27]

And when she said that, I noticed that it was spring, and I felt grateful. My little worry and self-concern sort of fades and pales in comparison to the brightness of spring. And even my deep concern about the world, about my loved ones, about all suffering beings, It doesn't fade exactly, but it's held, it's supported, it's grounded in this remembering its spring. Wondrous reality. So I thought this was a good topic for his end talk because You know, usually, as I often say, we are so caught in the foreground.

[04:36]

I could say the surface, but that's maybe a little demeaning. We're caught in the foreground of our life. And we're really quite occupied with the problem that's in front of us. It seems like our main... I'm entertaining the possibility that my main driving motivation and everything I do is just to be more comfortable than I am at the moment. I don't think that's the Buddha way, but it feels like where a lot of my energy goes. Always about to get more comfortable as soon as I just tidy up this problem or deal with this situation. Basically, as soon as I get more of what I want, Because sometimes just a little. Or be a little less at risk of losing what I have.

[05:36]

Or if I could just get rid of this one thing that I don't want. Or many things. So I'm about to be comfortable. That's why sometimes I take the seat and it's like, okay already it's close I'm close so Zen practice is stop wiggling to get comfortable welcome how it actually is this ungraspable boundless bottomless miracle it's right in front of us before we're comfortable and after, if for a moment we would achieve that. So caught up in the foreground of our problem and are trying to get what we want and get rid of what we don't want.

[06:44]

This is the cycle of suffering. Meanwhile, in the background, there's something kind of interesting happening that I think you know about, which is why you're here, which we could call spring, I guess, or being alive, or being a human being. These words, it's... Zen has this problem of having to say things, but we use these words like human being or alive or spring. And that's not quite it. You know, especially if you say human being, you start to imagine something like with arms and legs and stuff. But what's really right here, you know, on your own cushion, on your own chair, this miracle.

[07:48]

in the background of our problem. I was remembering my first teacher, Sado Lee DiBaro's great friend and teacher to me. He used to say, the Buddha is wearing your shirt. Marvelous expression. The Buddha is wearing your shirt. Springtime is wearing your shirt. Where's that? Wearing your shirt. Life itself is wearing your shirt. Right here. So spring is this wonderful time of awakening, of blossoming. And I think we can say now that spring really is the best time of year. It's the best time for Zen practice. So how lucky we are. In the spring, you know, we have many examples of this from our tradition.

[08:55]

Like our Tang Dynasty, Chinese ancestor Ling Yun, who saw a peach blossom. Remember this story? Saw a peach blossom. He said, For 30 years, I searched for a master swordsman. How many times did the leaves fall and the branches burst into bud? But from the moment I saw the peach blossoms, I've had no doubts. So for these 30 years through spring and fall, he is searching for this master swordsman, searching for life itself or comfort or teacher teaching. And the whole time, right in the background, he was actually alive. And then one day, you know, he stepped a little bit back from being so caught up in what he was looking for that he noticed a peach blossom, noticed the spring, and came to life, joined with spring.

[10:11]

And it's nice of you to stop in, you know, to the Dharma talk, but I know many of you are here And how wonderful. Maybe next time, you know, we just skip this part and go for a walk together. So later, Keizan Zenji, our Japanese Soto Zen co-founder, I could say, wrote a verse celebrating this moment of Lingyan's awakening with the peach blossoms, seeing the peach blossom and his problematic quieting so he could see the background fact that he's alive and join in that spring. So Kezan says, the village peace blossoms didn't know their own pink, but still they freed Lingyan from all his doubts. Love that too. That feels to me like how we support each other really.

[11:20]

even without making any external image of ourself, knowing our own shape or knowing our own pink, we are offering reality to each other and awakening together. The beautiful poems in praise of spring. On the other hand, the sort of fierce Zen master Kodo Sawaki Roshi, I've heard, used to say, people around here think they're getting enlightened, but it's just that the weather is nice. So this is our big problem this time of year. And I feel that, you know, overwhelmed with the blossoms and one with the blossoms, you know? Like we did it. We did it. We became one with the blossom. And it's just as great as they said it would be, you know, for a moment.

[12:25]

So we feel the sun on our face, you know, beautiful spring. We see that blossom and we say, I too have no doubts. Just this is it. Wonderful moment. And I hope you find that today, right now even. And I know, you know, this feeling, you know, the sun is on your face and then, and then the cloud, you know, the bugs start to come. I've been telling my kids, you know, the, if it's, if it's farther away than 20 feet, it is certainly not a good picnic spot. This is an important principle, maybe for another time. But it's not unrelated. There's a wonderful picnic spot.

[13:32]

Just a little ways up ahead, you know. You can see it from here. The green and the soft ground. So then, you know, the thistle and the bugs. So wonderful to enjoy the spring. But so Aki Kodo Roshi is pointing out, if we're depending on the nice weather and this good feeling, what about when the bugs come and the cloud covers? We get that phone call we were dreading. The easy energy we had in our body fades and knots up. What then? Any doubts now? caught back up in our problem, caught back up in the foreground. We like it, we don't like it. We want more of it, we want less of it. Natural, wonderful, no problem there really.

[14:34]

Just that we are pulled away, we then forget. Meanwhile, there's something happening here. There's a miracle right here. So there's a koan, an old Zen story about enjoying the springtime and about not being caught by the springtime. And as I study Suzuki Roshi's teaching, I've noticed a couple of times he talks about this koan. I think he appreciates it. And I've also come to really appreciate it. It's case number 36 of the Blue Glyph record. In case anyone is taking notes. It's the story of Changsha or Chosha taking a stroll in the mountains. So I wanted to explore a little bit this koan and some of Suzuki Roshi's teaching about it. So here's his telling of the story.

[15:38]

Birds are also trying to tell us a story. Sorry to speak over them. A story about a morning at Green Dragon Temple that will never come again. So he says, there is a koan about the famous Zen master Chosha. People called him Big Lion because he was such a powerful teacher and One day he left the monastery to go strolling about the mountain. When he came back, the head student, Chosha's disciple and the leader of the monastic training, asked him, where have you been? Chosha said, I have been strolling around the mountain. And the head student asked, you were strolling about, where did you go? Chosha said, while I was gone,

[16:52]

I saw many beautiful flowers in the spring fields. So then the shuso says, and Suzuki Roshi will say more about this, the shuso said, you look very happy. Did you have that feeling of springtime, seeing the beautiful flowers? But his teacher said, no. I felt just as if I was strolling about in the autumn with the cold and the last dead leaves. I had that kind of feeling. Slipping the net. So first, some words about the strolling. This is kind of an important image called Yusan Dan Sui in Zen. Strolling about the mountains and rivers. I was... So Suzuki Roshi says, to say I've been strolling around the mountains is speaking about his own practice.

[18:01]

As you know, when you stroll around... Highly recommended to stroll around. When you stroll around, you have no particular intention of going someplace in particular... You are going anywhere you want. If you see something that interests you, you will go that way. And in this way, you will pass many beautiful places. You return home when you want to. There is no particular purpose to the walking. That is what this story is about. A life free from various attachments or worldly interests. Because you're not so interested in or stuck on, you know, I'm going to get to Mount Mioho, a wondrous peak, or I'm going to get to that somewhere. Because you don't have that attachment or particular interest, you'll see many beautiful places.

[19:03]

You have this free and harmonious strolling. It's about walking with an empty mind and an open heart. carried by everything together which is actually how our life is our life already is unfolding naturally and in harmony with flowing with everything together there's no other way our life could be you really are not the exception to that I promise our life is just this flowing with everything And part of what these beautiful natural images and Zen point to is this possibility in our own life, in our own body and being, that we also could just be carried by this stroll through our life. Or, you know, we could strap on that heavy pack and we could slog up the mountain like many of us do.

[20:16]

seem to insist on doing so the slog or the stroll how do we recover the stroll you know in the midst of the slog why is it so hard to just stroll why exactly are we carrying that pack and trudging up this mountain you know what i mean and fellow treasurers in the hall. So Suzuki Roshi says, you should start your practice from the actual experience of the suffering of this life. So forgive me, we'll take a little interlude from enjoying the bird song and remember the suffering of our life, certainly the suffering of the world,

[21:18]

Our own knottedness. Our own slogging through what might just as easily be a stroll. And to feel that, to feel the weight of that pack that we insist on wearing. To feel the burden of that trudging. Notice how that feels would be a helpful start. So Buddhism is based on this acknowledgement of our suffering. Because from there opens the path. It opens the possibility of another way. So Suzuki Roshi is holding this koan, is offering this koan to try to free us from the kind of freedom and joy that we could find to the extent that we soften our insistence or attachment on things going our way, you know, getting something as opposed to another thing, liking something and wanting more of it, disliking something and trying to get away from it.

[22:36]

If we could soften that, this is our training. When it's something we like, we find our belly, we find our spine, we clear our mind and we welcome it. When it's something we don't like, we find our belly, we find our spine, we clear our mind and we welcome it. This is our training, you'd say, or our practice. And in this way, sort of the power of those things, of the liking and not liking, of the thing i'm going to get or not the power sort of that power over us softens and we find a little more freedom and ease in a stroll he says from the beginning of our practice we understand that our world is a world of suffering

[23:43]

And we understand that we suffer because we expect too much. We always expect something more than we will be able to obtain or acquire. Again, maybe that's not true for you, but it's worth checking out. And he points out some evidence. For instance, everyone knows that we cannot stay young, but we want to be always young. Even when you are young, once in a while, you may feel, oh, gee, I am 25 now. Oh, I am not young anymore. You may feel that way, and that is good evidence that you want to be always young. But that is not possible, you know. We want to experience what someone else has, but that also is not possible. Things are always changing, so nothing can be yours. No matter what you want to be or to have, it is not possible for you to obtain or have it.

[24:48]

It's always changing. You can't have it. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I wish you could have it. But you can't. I say the Buddha did not make up the situation. The Buddha is like, okay, here we are. How are we going to work with this? We can't get the things we want. If we get them, then we just get stressed about keeping them. We can't get rid of the things we don't want. That is actually how our human world is. Actually, it is so that we won't be able to really obtain or keep what we want, but still we want to be fooled by something. That is maybe why we say that human beings do not like something real. But human beings like something unreal. This is also a really interesting line that he says again and again. And now I'm kind of entering it more deeply, wondering how that's so for me.

[25:54]

Human beings prefer something that's not real to something that is real as a kind of general principle or general diagnosis of human beings. So I kind of think, no, I don't. I prefer something real to something unreal. But when I study my life, I noticed that I'm actually passing up on something real. Like this moment of my life of discomfort in the spring. I'm kind of passing up on that in favor of something that's unreal, which is... I think pretty soon I'm going to be comfortable and I'm going to see a blossom and it's going to be wonderful if I can just solve this problem that I have or get rid of this thing or person or feeling. So it's sort of like I am kind of acting like I care more about the unreal thing than about the real thing.

[27:00]

And I don't want to judge myself too harshly for that because the unreal thing really has almost everything going for it. It is actually better than the real thing in almost every single respect. The problems are solved in the unreal thing. Everyone is getting along. Everyone is happy and well cared for. There's just one little difference. And... the way, the way that I prefer the unreal thing to the real thing shows me how little I value that difference. The difference is life itself. The difference is that it's happening at all. The difference is the background. So that unreal world has almost everything going for it, but it doesn't exist.

[28:05]

It doesn't have existence. But that's like a detail that we're willing to pass up because we don't really appreciate that background fact of existence. We take it for granted because we're so caught in our problem that we've forgotten that we're alive. So since we've forgotten that we're alive anyway, what does it matter? You know, why go, why stay with the real one? You just have the unreal one. I hope that's clear. I can continue to try to articulate it, but I think it's an important line. So consider, do I prefer the unreal? Do I prefer what's unreal to what's real? So then the Suzuki Roshi says, the reason we become Buddhists is to resign from this world of suffering in order to have perpetual joy. It's another great line. To resign. I resign.

[29:05]

I resign. from this dissatisfaction. I don't resign from liberating myself together with suffering beings. That's the vow. There's no resignation there. I resign from my wiggling dissatisfaction. Resign from this world of suffering and trying to get what I want and trying to get away from what I don't want. I resign. Type my letter. This evening you can type your letter. We could all do that, you know, as an exercise. Type your letter of resignation from the world of suffering. Esteemed colleagues. Or now, you know, we have this thing of the quiet quitting. So you could maybe too much. I don't want to alarm people by resigning because, you know, when I have a meal or something, I want to be as dissatisfied as everyone else. So that we can be intimate, you know.

[30:08]

But I'll quietly quit, which means, you know, I'll come to the desk of my dissatisfaction. But I'm not so committed. I'm not so committed. I'm not so loyal to my dissatisfaction. It's there. Whatever. I'll show up. I'll welcome it. You know, it's just the content of my life. It's just a particular kind of flower, a particular kind of bird. Yeah, dissatisfaction. It's not my boss. I've resigned. My boss is the spring. My boss is life itself, the background. Our friend Grace Damon, who many of you know, maybe you've seen her up here on this seat in her wheelchair, longtime resident here. She's getting ordained as a priest this afternoon. remarkable and wonderful occasion for all of us.

[31:10]

She said this very funny thing a few years ago when she was head student herself, like that student in our story who tried to trap his teacher. She said something like, and then I just decided to be happy. And the way she said it was like, and from there on out, it was just a smooth ride. There's something like, and I... that can't be so, you know, it can't be. So I don't see her often enough to really know, you know, so I still think maybe it really is. So, but I have a feeling if I lived with her, I would see some cracks in that, you know, but still that this, like this choice, she decided why slog, you know, especially after her accident, such limited mobility in this pain, in this chair, like, well, I slog here or will I stroll? And that there was some kind of pivot, like, how about I stroll? Because this log is really... Something in her was able to turn.

[32:15]

It doesn't mean she doesn't have terrible days, whatever, we can ask her. But that her ground, her body is planted. She has resigned, you know? Her body is planted in the Dharma world. It's part of what we say in the ordination. Your body is now planted in the Dharma world. Don't say it, but I guess it is a ceremony of resignation from the world of suffering. Leaving home. He says, if you become Buddhist, even though you have no hopes or mundane wishes, you will have the freedom from the various restrictions that you have had in your mundane world. you will be free from restriction. So free from our attachments and things, you know, that particular interest and attachment and stuckness, then we find this freedom even within our restriction.

[33:21]

When I get back to the story... We only have a few more minutes. So this life of freedom from resigning from, I want to get more of what I want. I want to have less of what I don't want. resigning from being pulled around, controlled by what I like or don't like. That's this strolling. That's this freedom in Zen. And I should point out that we have some new residents here at Green Gulch. Always a delight to welcome new residents now as we move from our practice period season to our work practice season. Some people might say, well, practice period was a lot of work too.

[34:33]

But anyway, now we're in this work season, and it's springtime, and wonderful to welcome new residents, just like it's wonderful to welcome all of you and your inspiration and energy for practice. And I don't know that the new residents know what is coming for them, that's not a threat. Again, I didn't make the rules, you know, I didn't make this up that life is hard. But I think what will happen in my experience of being here, you know, and living here and seeing many people come through is that It's spring now, and it's a beautiful place, and it's a beautiful community, and it will feel really good.

[35:38]

And then you will say, I made the right choice. And Zen practice is great, because the weather is good. And then the clouds will come, and the bugs will come, and you'll start to notice some things about your new friend or your new teacher. And then you'll say, this was not a good idea. Zen is not a good thing. So we're not practicing. And you won't be wrong, you know, in either case. But that's not the ground that our practice is on. Our practice, our training is this practice of freedom. Trying to soften that way that we're controlled by. I like the weeding. No, I don't like the sitting. I like the weeding. I don't like the weeding. I like the sitting. This way that we're just spun around. in our life, to just find our belly, find our spine, and clear our mind, and welcome what it actually is right now, way below.

[36:51]

I like it, I don't like it, I'm for it. I'm for that bird song. I'm against this feeling of my shoulder pain. That's like this little top layer on miles of bedrock. So, okay, the story. So that is, Suzuki Roshi said, that is what the story is about. A life free from various attachments or worldly interests. I hope you take that the right way now, having talked about it soon. Please be interested in your life and the world. But it's just being pulled, being gripped by one thing instead of another. Chosha is enjoying his life. He can enjoy his life because he is not restricted. He is free. His mind is always free from himself, from others, and from the world.

[37:54]

He's resigned. He's resigned. That is why he said, I am strolling around. So the head student asked him, where have you been? And he said, I have been strolling around the mountain. But the chiseau was a very good and plain fellow himself. So he asked about it. You were strolling about. Where did you go? Asking in that way, he tried to catch his master. So the Shusō is sort of testing. Is it just that the weather was nice? Or were you really strolling? Were you really free? He felt that if his master had a special interest in some particular thing, then he could catch him. If he liked good food, for example, and would say, oh, how I like noodles, or I like sake.

[38:58]

Then the shusou could have caught him. Oh, he could say, you like noodles? Next day off, we will make some noodles for you. The master would say, oh, good. Saying so, he would be caught by his disciple who would think, now I know your weak point. So whenever the teacher would become too strict, the head student could say, I will make some noodles for you tomorrow. How about it? In that way, his disciple could have caught him. So the way we're controlled, you know, it's a funny story, funny image, you know, your friends and students manipulating you. Thank you for preparing noodles, kitchen crew. It's not really, of course, that your friend will manipulate you. The point is, you're kind of vulnerable in a way that you don't need to be.

[40:07]

You're pulled around when you're stuck, when the only thing you know is following your desires. You're pulled around, and so you're unable to see situations clearly, see the totality of a situation. So... Zen activity... and the practice of the precepts or our ethical principles, our way of being with each other in harmony and kindness and generosity, that way of ethical, beneficial Zen activity depends on that we're not caught by... getting pulled by something or other so that we can be free and see and join with the totality of a situation and that allow an appropriate response to emerge from that totality.

[41:10]

Does that make sense? If you're like, where's my noodles? You're a little bit blinded and it might not be time for you to be getting your noodles. There might be something else happening that is calling for care. So the extent that we're free of this sort of like being pulled around by I like it, I don't like it, is the extent to which we're able actually to respond with wisdom to the situation that's in front of us. It's an important point. I hope it makes sense. This freedom is how we take care of everybody. Nobody is benefiting from the way from our slog. Nobody is benefiting from the way that we're so pulled around by what we want and don't want. By how we're overlooking what we have as we drive towards what we're trying to get.

[42:14]

So when Chosha said, while I was gone, I saw many beautiful flowers. The Shusou thought, oh, he likes flowers. So if I make a beautiful flower garden, he will be happy. The Shusou thought that he had caught him. So he said, you look very happy. Do you have that feeling of springtime? Seeing the beautiful flowers? But his teacher said, no. Put the noodles in front of me if you want, but I'm still going to see the whole situation. And respond from that. His disciple couldn't catch him because though it looked like he had been strolling about in a spring field, the teacher said he had been strolling through the late autumn field. He meant that he was not caught by spring flowers or beautiful foliage. It is already frosty late autumn. So it's not that he was, you know, closing his eyes and ears and holding back from enjoying the spring.

[43:28]

He was fully enjoying the spring, but it was a real joy. It's the perpetual joy. It wasn't the joy of things are going my way. My body feels good. Things are going my way. It's a beautiful walk. So I'm happy. It's the joy of I'm alive. And then on top of that, and things are going my way. How wonderful. May that continue. May all beings have it go their way. But he wasn't depending. His joy and freedom didn't depend on that. His disciple kind of hoped it did so that he'd have some leverage, but it didn't. He said, no, might as well have been autumn. Might as well have been a cold, miserable, rainy day. I still would have this same joy that there is. So last comment, and then I'll close and see if there's any comments or observations or questions from you.

[44:30]

Bringing home, I think, Suzuki Roshi's deep wish, you know, all of this teaching is grounded in the vow to be of benefit to one another. So he says, the purpose of practice is is not to chase after worldly freedom, but to have freedom from our small desires, fame or success in our mundane world, and if possible, to help others to release from those kinds of mundane wishes and restrictions. That is the Buddhist way of life, to join others in their path, in their ordinary life, so that you and them will have freedom from ordinary life. There is a big difference between this freedom and other ideas of freedom. So when you have real freedom from everything, you may be very sympathetic with people who are involved in small personal desires and are involved in the competitive world.

[45:36]

You know, once you resign, you have a lot of compassion for those still working. So you have real sympathy. with people who are involved in small personal desires and are involved in the competitive world. Naturally, you will want to help people to be free from this kind of life. To share the joy of freedom with people is our purpose in life. This is summary. So to find this freedom and to share this freedom, even without knowing our own pink. Our purpose as bodhisattvas or as practitioners is to find this freedom and share it with one another. So may it be so. May we fully open to this beautiful spring day.

[46:41]

without clinging or trying to keep something that's passing through. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our programs are made possible by the donations we receive. Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support. For more information, visit sfzc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[47:26]

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