This podcast is offered by San Francisco's Zen Center on the web at sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. And for those of you who are here for the first time, welcome to Beginner's Mind Temple. So this afternoon we're having an ordination. the way it was occurring to me to think about it and hopefully communicate, is that, in a way, it represents the interface between upholding the tradition of Zen, of Buddhism, and adapting appropriate response to the circumstances under which I think most of us are living. You know, it's been a long heritage of Buddhism to have

[01:02]

a sharp distinction between the monastics, the monks and nuns, and the laity. The monks and nuns would dedicate their lives to mindfulness, to meditation, as renunciates having pulled back from the concerns and challenges of living a life in the marketplace. And the laity would benefit from the wisdom and insights that comes from that by receiving the dharma and would give material support. And I think in the West, we've sort of tossed it all up in the air. We're all monks and nuns and we're all laity. We're all in the marketplace and not in the marketplace. And

[02:04]

We, so far, are maintaining something we call priest ordination in our practice, shukai tokudo. The name of it translates as entering the way, taking up the practice, committing to looking deeply and carefully at what life is about and living the insights that arise from that inquiry. And that inquiry has its own renunciation. Maybe if we wanted to get fancy, we could say it's a formless renunciation, that it doesn't involve going to live in the forest, that it's renunciation that happens while in the marketplace. Maybe we're fooling ourselves.

[03:09]

Maybe in another 20 or 50 or 100 years we'll say, hmm, it's a great idea. But it does seem that it works better if people pull back from the marketplace. But anyway, this is where we're at. This blending of in the marketplace or is that I'm not sure where the phrase comes. In the world, but not of the world. Someone told me once of pulling in to get gas into a gas station. And the person at the next pump was singing an old gospel song. My joy is not of this world. But I'd like to talk about this with this poem called The Kama Sutra of Kindness, Position Number Three by Mary McKay.

[04:15]

In the craft of spirituality, often there's a simple equation. not only set aside the demands of the marketplace. Dogen Zenji, the founder of Soto Zen, in his fascicle on ordination, he says, well, when you're in the marketplace, you're caught up in seeking wealth, success, and fame, and comfortable clothes, and furniture. Comfortable clothes and comfortable furniture. My mind immediately went to those, you know, I'm not sure what they're called, you know, with the super deluxe armchair where the bottom rises and you have a place for your glass. Lazy boy. A lazy boy? So you renounce such things.

[05:31]

And in that renunciation, your time, your energy, the serenity that arises from that renunciation affords the mental space, physical time to devote yourself to practice. And of course, the tricky thing is We're way more complex than that. No matter what we do, no matter what remote place, no matter what absence of lazy boys there is, there's still a searching, there's still a craving, a yearning. And there's still a request to come to terms with that, to have an insight into it, to find a skillful way to relate to it. And at the heart of renunciation, this is the request.

[06:35]

In a way, we could say renunciation is to discover what it means to say, to feel, to apprehend, just this is enough. In contrast to this is not enough. I want more of it. I want less of it. No. Just this is enough. And no matter what lifestyle, spare and simple, or complicated in the marketplace, how to both find what that expression of just this is enough, and to find what is it to live from that place. So the poem. It's by Mary McKay. It's easy to love through a cold spring when the poles of the willows turn green, pollen falls like a yellow curtain, and the scent of paper whites clots the air.

[07:45]

But to love for a lifetime takes talent. You have to mix yourself with the strange beauty so breezed and bound and tangled that you can hardly sort out your arms and legs. You have to find forgiveness in everything, even ink stains and broken cups. You have to be willing to move through life the way the long grasses move in the field when you careen blindly towards the other side. There's never going to be anything straight or predictable about your path. except the flattening and the springing back you just go on walking for years waist-deep in the weeds bent slightly forward and all the while it burns beautifully above you and goes on like a relentless son

[08:58]

So at the heart of practice, there is a difference between purposeful and meaningful. Like when we have a purpose, the purpose is to achieve a consequence. Whether the consequence is comfortable clothes and comfortable furniture, or the consequence is uncomfortable clothes and uncomfortable furniture. Whether the consequence is success, wealth, and fame, or an effort to stay as remote or separated from those as possible. Either way, we're obliged to come into relationship with the human condition. Either way, we're obliged to discover something about desire, something about how we're searching for an intimate relationship with existence.

[10:27]

We want to live. We want satisfaction. And maybe we translate it. into this image or that image. Renunciation or fulfillment of the material. Renuncing the material world or fulfilling the agendas of the material world. Zen practice asks us to look at what's underneath both. A formidable request. And in our tradition, to be ordained is to say, okay, I will take that up. To be priest ordained is to say, that will be the primary agenda. There's a somewhat quirky story in early Buddhism.

[11:41]

A nun named Utpalavarna, who had a very, shall we say, checkered career up until she met Shakyamuni, and then ended that career and started becoming a nun. And the story is she goes to visit a group of women of noble birth. Remember that in Buddhism, everybody's of noble birth. Everybody is blessed with the human condition, the capacity to touch the authentic heart of it, and the capacity to sincerely and dedicatedly live from that place. and also the mere humanness to constantly screw it up.

[12:49]

So Utparavarna talks to the noble women and says, well, what about you? Why don't you all do this? And they said, if we took these admonitions, if we took these guidelines and rules and precepts, we would undoubtedly, undoubtedly break them. And then we would fall into hell. And Upala Varnas says, go ahead, fall into hell. Hell has its own teaching. She said, look at me. In a previous time, I was an actress.

[13:53]

And part of my repertoire of acting was to dress up as a nun and as part of the theater. And even though... All that was done with a kind of cynicism, a kind of sham. Something was sparked. There's always something within us. Even though all sorts of other agendas might be operative, there's always something within us truly seeking the way. Even when we hold it in wealth and fame and success. even when we hold it with a wish for comfortable clothes and furniture. There's a delightful poem called Why I'm Not a Buddhist by Molly Peacock.

[15:02]

So she goes through all these reasons why she just savors and appreciates things in life. A delicious coat. a delicious cake. Of course, these things are functional in our lives. They give our life its own energy and direction. And at the heart of them, there's still this deep wish. that I think this poet is trying to get at. It's easy to love. It's easy to affirm when the conditions are serene, orderly, ready for your approval and gentle appreciation.

[16:15]

It's easy to love through a cold spring. When the poles of the willows turn green, pollen falls like a yellow curtain, and the scent of paper whites clots the air. When things turn out the way you want them, it's not so hard to say, just this is enough. Especially when it exhibits a little refined taste. The cold spring, the budding of the spring willows, the scent of the paper whites. To love for a lifetime takes talent. Takes tapping the talent that we all have. It's not separate from

[17:18]

that passion for existence that pumps our heart. You have to mix yourself with a strange beauty so breathed and bound and tangled that you can hardly sort out your arms and legs. We are inextricably part of the world. We're inextricably part of each other. Just spend a few minutes sitting still, listening to the conversations with other that your mind is having. Your resentments, your yearnings, your intrigues, Is that other or is that self?

[18:25]

Is self separate from other? Or is it more like you can hardly sort out your arms and legs? For reasons that will become apparent this afternoon, I think, when I read this story about this nun, I thought of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. And I thought of, you know, someone for a lark, probably on Halloween, dressing up as a nun. Maybe motivated by nagging sense of shame and guilt that maybe we all feel when we feel like we've broken the rules, we've been inappropriate, we've fallen short.

[19:35]

And how sometimes we feel obliged, casted off. Maybe in a mix of wisdom and fear. I think maybe of such a person thinking, okay, I will take on this. I'll dance with it. I'm already inextricably bind with it, not knowing what's authentically me, not knowing what's the burden of some cultural or religious affects. Taking it on. And then others seeing that. And then, what was a whimsical play becoming its own kind of movement?

[20:45]

Until now, it has turned... I'd hold back from saying a serious movement, but certainly a persistent and dedicated movement. Playing with something about theater, presenting a certain face, something about... interfacing with the world in a way that discovers authentic being, paradoxically, through theater. Something like how the nun in that early Buddhist story said, at the start, it was whimsical. At the start, it was sham. But in the middle of it, something authentic appeared.

[21:50]

How does that happen? How does each one of us shift from either being pushed and pulled by our desires and fears and being pushed and pulled by our notions of what spiritual life is and isn't? And I would say, life is too short to wait until you've got it all figured out. This is what Utpalavarna was saying. Of course you're going to get it wrong. Of course you're going to make mistakes and have to live with the consequences of your mistakes. Don't even worry if that's going to happen.

[23:01]

It is. The problem is we're already alive. We're already living a human life with all that that entails. As we live it, can we get in touch with it and can we discover something about staying true? Can we discover something about not being utterly preoccupied by the purposeful. This is what needs to be achieved. This is what needs to be avoided. We're already utterly tangled with our life and all life. Just listen to your mind for ten seconds.

[24:02]

can we forgive the human condition? Can we forgive ourselves for all the entanglements that have arisen? Kadagiri Roshi, a teacher who taught here, said that in taking refuge, in aligning with truth, of the moment and the interconnectedness of being it's like forgiving everything for being what it is and simply expressing just this is enough just this just as it is just this human life just that we're living together This is the heart of initiation of ordination in Zen practice.

[25:14]

How it takes shape is the unfolding of a human life. How to stay true is the vow of a human life. It's how we discover meaning. how we start to differentiate between, okay, I want to accomplish this, I want to avoid that, to what's it about? What is it to live this life in a way that stays true? And we can't wait. We can't wait till we have it all sorted out. Because that never happens. It's never all sorted out. As soon as you sort this out, the next thing appears.

[26:16]

The vow, the intentionality, is simply to meet its unfolding. And in the meeting of the unfolding, something is lived. some authentic being, the truth? Mary McKay says, you have to find forgiveness in everything, even ink stains and broken cups. to use that weird phrase, of course you'll fall into hell and experience the consequences. You're not perfect. To get ordained is not to imply that you are perfect or you will be perfect.

[27:26]

It's to imply that what it is you're undertaking is to live what it is to be true, is to let your life tangle with other lives and live that truth that keeps presenting itself even when we're caught up searching for comfortable clothes and comfortable furniture. You have to be willing to move through life. the way the long grasses move in a field, when you careen blindly toward the other side, there's never going to be anything straight or predictable about your path, except the flattening and the springing back.

[28:30]

In Zen we say, fall down a hundred times, get up a hundred and one. There's actually a great relief when you can combine sincere commitment without the worry of accomplishment. That when you give up the purpose of achieving and rely upon the intrinsic meaning that keeps revealing itself, We will keep exploring. Is this the way in the West of practice, that we will be monks and lay people, that we'll be in the world but not of the world?

[29:36]

Who knows? And to continue our path... You okay? You okay? To continue our path of discovery, you have to be willing to move through life. The way the long grasses move in a field, the way you careen blindly forward toward the other side, there's never going to be anything predictable, straight or predictable about your path except the flattening and the springing box. You must go on walking for years, waist deep in the weeds, bent slightly forward, and all the while it burns beautifully above you and goes on like a relentless sun.

[30:44]

So in the ceremony, as we currently do it, there's about six typical features to it. Appreciation and acknowledgement of our teachers. We're all here today because somehow that seemed like a good idea. whether we know it or not, you know? Maybe we have some story about how we know it. Usually, there's something unknown that goes along with knowing. There's something about

[31:56]

returning our life, sometimes we talk about home leaving, that we're not just simply the ideas, the culture, the mores that we experienced as a child, that we have become a person, an authentic person, who enters the world as an adult. And in this ceremony, that's symbolized by taking on a new name. That's symbolized by taking on a new way of being in the world. And what I've been trying to say is not to say there's a new and improved way to be in the world. Every way of being in the world

[32:59]

comes with what it comes with. It has its pitfalls. It has its way of supporting us. When we wake up and pay attention to how it is and what it is. And at the heart of it, there is renunciation. Just this. Just as it is. Forgiving it for what it's not. Forgiving each other for who we're not. For our shortcomings and our misdeeds. And that way, and that way of dressing, comfortable or uncomfortable, It involves lots of yards of cloth.

[34:08]

Comfortable enough. And it involves a way of engaging the material world that reveals something fundamental about our lives. rather than just leaves us caught in a narrow track of material success. Not to even say that that's evil or wrong or misguided, but it can distract us from something more fundamental. It can distract us from what nourishes us. And it can distract us from what is important about a human life.

[35:24]

And then the other significant element in our tradition is to build into our life A way that keeps us turning back to that. That discovery of what's important. And to share that with everyone. Because the same way that our legs and arms are mysteriously entangled, so is our well-being. To think that we can do this alone without each other's support, to think that we can do this alone, that I will rise in glory and everybody else will fall into hell. It's just missing the nature of our lives. So maybe you can call that love, or maybe it has nothing to do with what you think of as love.

[36:30]

or kindness. But, along with just this is enough, holding our shared condition with kindness and love. So let me read the poem again. The Kama Sutra of Kindness, position number three. It's easy to love through a cold spring When the poles of the willows turn green, pollen falls like a yellow curtain, and the scent of the paper whites clots the air. But to love for a lifetime takes talent. You have to mix yourself with a strange beauty, so breathed and bound and tangled that you can hardly sort out your arms and legs. You have to find forgiveness in everything. even ink stains and broken cups.

[37:33]

You have to be willing to move through life the way the long grasses move in a field, when you careen blindly toward the other side. There's never going to be anything straight or predictable about your path, except the flattening and springing back. You just go on walking for years, waist deep in the weeds. Bend slightly forward and all the while it burns beautifully above you and goes on like a relentless sun. And of course you're all welcome to come three o'clock this afternoon and see how it looks embroidered with the heritage of Dogen Zenji's 800 year old tradition which is just a variation on Shakyabuni's 1700 years before him

[38:51]

with a few details sprinkled in by the famous San Francisco Zen Center. But what else can we do? And try to preserve what's deeply worth preserving and innovate and adapt and meet the world we're in. We just, the we, San Francisco Zen Center, we just put ourselves forth as a stepping stone. This stepping stone in the Dharma, at this time in the West, upholding these traditions. very much.

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Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, please visit sfcc.org and click giving. May we all fully enjoy the Dharma.

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